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The film you are about to see
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00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:30,240
was shot in its entirety
using hidden cameras.
3
00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,080
Everybody who appears on screen
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00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,320
contributed their spontaneity
to the making of the film
5
00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:37,520
between July 2014 and February 2015.
6
00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:50,760
Little princess,
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00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,720
everybody's here for you
8
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:54,680
And anybody who's not
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00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,160
will soon get the sack
10
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:00,680
Me aged 3 months
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00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:02,040
My nanny
12
00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:11,720
Like it, Camilla?
13
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,520
Thumbs down for the badger.
14
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:16,880
Way too tacky.
15
00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:18,440
Generally, she goes for
16
00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,600
pricey articles.
The sales give her reflux.
17
00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,000
She knows what she likes.
18
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:29,600
Me aged 5
19
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,000
You have any that stay puppies?
20
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,040
You know, grown up, it's ugly!
21
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,400
I'll have to have it put down.
22
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:40,600
Mummy!
23
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,600
These things are useless.
Buy me a servant instead.
24
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,080
Come on, quickly.
25
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,120
Me aged 12
26
00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:57,440
- Well?
- What's this fabric?
27
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:58,880
You have it in mink?
28
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:00,120
I can't wear this.
29
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,240
That's a camel toe. Absolutely!
30
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,480
You obviously never
had a reputation to keep up.
31
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,200
Me aged 18
32
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,520
Yes, excuse me,
33
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:18,360
I see my beauty and aura
distracting people.
34
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,080
So it's only ethical of me
35
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,640
to refuse to study here.
36
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:26,600
Quite clearly, with my personality,
37
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I'm bound to succeed.
38
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,280
Don't try to dissuade me.
I have a life to live.
39
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,640
Mr Taxman, how can you
40
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,240
sleep at night
demanding money we've spent?
41
00:02:57,640 --> 00:02:59,360
I can't stop buying high heels
42
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,040
to pay for you
to lay roads in the sticks.
43
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:05,160
Your roads are no use to me
in the provinces.
44
00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:12,840
Same day travel.
45
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,240
Same day travel!
46
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,000
How come you don't understand
my request?
47
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,200
Fuck it!
48
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,520
Me 2 weeks ago
49
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,200
Eiffel Tower, Champs-Elysées...
50
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:37,800
That is so corny.
51
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:40,920
It's outdated.
52
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,160
And it's not good for me.
53
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:49,520
Let's go, fatties.
54
00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:58,720
Get a move on!
55
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:09,680
Move, shithead!
56
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:11,200
We'll have dinner here.
57
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,400
So tacky, Louboutin!
58
00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,360
You guys must love them.
59
00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:21,760
Here, Saint Laurent!
60
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,840
Has my jacket in an 8 arrived?
61
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:25,240
I'm working here!
62
00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:26,400
Fascist!
63
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:32,120
Move!
64
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,040
- You met each other on internet?
- Yes.
65
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:36,400
Yes, you're not a great fit.
66
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,200
I need you to do the blinker.
67
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:55,440
Blinker, falafels!
68
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:58,960
I'm not an actual tour guide.
69
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:04,520
THE PARISIAN BITCH
PRINCESS OF HEARTS
70
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:05,920
Blinker, spring rolls.
71
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:06,800
Look!
72
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:07,880
See that building?
73
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:08,880
On your left.
74
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:10,160
Here.
75
00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,040
Like a cocktail sausage.
76
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:29,600
Hello?
77
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:31,360
Hi, Albert.
78
00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:34,640
Everything's going just fine.
79
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:37,280
My customers are delighted.
80
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:40,080
We just pulled over by the Louvre.
81
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,880
The spring rolls
are snapping photos of the Pyramid.
82
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,120
Everybody's happy.
83
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:46,720
What?
84
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:49,480
I see,
85
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:52,080
you buy up old bangers
and instead of investing
86
00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:54,720
in AC,
you fit them out with GPS trackers.
87
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:55,920
All right!
88
00:05:58,120 --> 00:05:59,960
And he's a big fat jerk!
89
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,320
I have my customers' full support.
You're taking a huge risk.
90
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,200
This is insane.
Hold on, Albert, let me speak...
91
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,320
In any case, if you fire me,
92
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,160
I resign. For good.
93
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:12,840
Yeah, sure.
94
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:14,680
Stupid fat jerk!
95
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,160
You okay, madam?
96
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:20,560
No, I'm not okay.
97
00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,120
I need to take stock.
My life's all off.
98
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,360
Nobody puts Baby in a corner.
99
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,040
ELYSEE PALACE
100
00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:45,480
Morning, madam.
101
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,640
- Move on, please.
- I need a word with François.
102
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,800
No intercom to "President Normal"?
103
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:55,320
I want to know what he offers people
who reject his rotten "normal life".
104
00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,040
Sorry, madam, he's not in.
105
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,680
Just as I thought.
He's doing no work either.
106
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:42,160
I can't stand it.
Instagram really gets me down.
107
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,480
When you see how other people live!
108
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,720
Ivanka Trump is in the Bahamas.
109
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:48,440
Paris Hilton's in St. Barts.
110
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:52,320
Kim Kardashian's fat ass is
on the front row at a fashion show.
111
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:53,400
Slacker!
112
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:55,640
Nicole Richie's
getting her hair done.
113
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,120
So nobody's working, except me.
114
00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,000
Enough! This has to stop.
115
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:01,680
I can't!
116
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,920
What? You want the same for summer?
117
00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:16,720
The cheek!
118
00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,000
I've come to see you for legal advice
119
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,640
because I want the life I deserve,
a life without work.
120
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,640
The life of ordinary humans
isn't enough for me.
121
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:31,920
Right...
122
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,520
What I need is...
123
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,160
servants,
124
00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:37,480
photogenic friends...
125
00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:40,680
and so much money that
126
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,720
the gossip columns always refer to me
127
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,760
as a DJ, It girl,
128
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,600
when I'm at the hairdresser's.
129
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,960
It kept me awake all night.
The sole solution
130
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:51,160
that I can see
131
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:55,080
is to become an heiress
and inherit from my mother.
132
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,360
- While she's alive.
- Exactly.
133
00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:00,680
Apparently, Mummy hasn't passed away.
134
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:02,080
No.
135
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,400
- I see.
- In fact, I'd like
136
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:08,120
access to her money
without her prior agreement.
137
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,520
How, without her agreement?
138
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,080
That's why I came to you.
139
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:15,720
For a solution.
140
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:19,840
- You may compel her only if in need.
- I am in need.
141
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,640
Inheriting from a living person
is complicated.
142
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,520
You are so narrow-minded
143
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,400
in your profession.
144
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,840
You always latch onto tiny details.
145
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:30,800
It's called the law.
146
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,440
So be creative.
147
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:34,560
The law is ill suited to your case.
148
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,600
If I give up work,
since your petty laws
149
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,520
stop me inheriting,
but I want to live
150
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:40,880
in comfort. What can I do?
151
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:42,400
Mummy can easily
152
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,000
decide in her lifetime
153
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:47,680
to transfer a substantial part
of her estate, or all of it...
154
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,600
The ceiling is ridiculously low!
155
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,760
Being an heiress
means living like Paris Hilton,
156
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,680
not a B&B owner's daughter.
157
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:58,360
You single out a girl,
more specifically Paris Hilton,
158
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:00,680
who lives off her image,
sells her life.
159
00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:01,640
Totally.
160
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:05,320
I need a starting point
to sell my life. Exactly.
161
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,040
Find a famous person
and move in their sphere.
162
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:11,360
You mean, marry someone very rich.
163
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:14,120
Or shack up with someone
who's a "celebrity".
164
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,080
That attracts the magazines...
165
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,880
Celebrity wife.
166
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:22,680
I'd like two boxes of Prozac
and one box of Xanax, please.
167
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:25,280
- You have a prescription?
- It's for my husband.
168
00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:26,880
He's a celebrity. It's awful.
169
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:28,760
I need a prescription, you know.
170
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,080
Without the records.
171
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:33,920
Never mind, you'll have his suicide
attempt on your conscience.
172
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:37,560
No, terrible idea.
Celebrity wife is not an option.
173
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:41,960
Marry a manic-depressive with
bad breath to score a caption like,
174
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:43,680
Johnny Depp and "a friend".
175
00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:46,120
- A footballer maybe?
- A WAG?
176
00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:51,240
Hi there.
177
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,520
I need, like, a deodorant
178
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,360
that's so extremely powerful
179
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:57,720
it can eliminate body odour
180
00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,960
and also be used to purify
a very, very big mansion.
181
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,120
All right.
182
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:06,000
For underarm use
and for the mansion.
183
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,240
What is it? Hipster shit
that protects the ozone layer?
184
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:10,920
Screw the ozone layer!
185
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:12,160
It smells great.
186
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:13,880
All I care about is powerful.
187
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:15,720
My husband trains 14 hours a day.
188
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,240
He exudes sweat.
It encrusts the Versace curtains.
189
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:19,400
It's killing me!
190
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:21,760
No, bad idea, footballer.
191
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,120
Awful idea.
192
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,720
Girls who like football
are all ugly.
193
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,360
In that case,
someone from the business world.
194
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,120
- Perhaps...
- A banker?
195
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,440
Why not?
Especially if he owns the bank.
196
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:41,200
I'm looking for a laxative
that is extremely powerful.
197
00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:43,960
It's for my husband,
a financial fat cat.
198
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:45,680
I don't want anything
199
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,920
like old wives' stuff,
prunes or figs.
200
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,760
Perhaps there's a blockage,
so start with a Microlax enema.
201
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,080
No, the thing is, he's in prison.
202
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,400
He can't relax his anus, bizarrely.
203
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:57,760
Yes.
204
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:03,000
The best thing, like I said,
is to put a Microlax...
205
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:04,680
in case of a blockage
206
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,880
and take two tablets every evening.
207
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,680
He's uglier and uglier.
It's horrifying.
208
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:12,560
He's in for long?
209
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,120
Probably, yes.
210
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:15,240
How awful!
211
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:17,720
I only have ?11.
212
00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:19,000
We take cards.
213
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,440
My accounts are frozen.
No withdrawals.
214
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:23,360
I'll remove an item.
215
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,120
- Which item?
- Microlax.
216
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,280
It'll work even so
or he'll die in his poo?
217
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,040
Yes, but no. That's not...
218
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:35,920
Not a good idea, winding up
with a convict like Madoff.
219
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,680
Or a geek
who goes trekking in Jesus sandals,
220
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,080
like Kerviel.
221
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:44,520
Frankly, don't beat yourself up.
We've made progress.
222
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,360
You weren't super brilliant...
223
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:47,400
Too kind.
224
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,120
But you opened my eyes to the fact
225
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,760
that I don't want
a normal life with extras,
226
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,360
I aspire to a great destiny.
227
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,280
I just saw the notary.
228
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,760
I need to think, so I'll walk.
229
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,320
You take these,
there are no bins anywhere.
230
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:06,880
I've been waiting an hour.
231
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:08,480
I've been waiting an hour!
232
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,320
Be grateful I told you it was me.
233
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:05,320
- Sit there.
- My feet are killing me.
234
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,280
Just a quick pause.
235
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,720
There's a stool underneath.
236
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,000
Madam!
237
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,160
Excuse me,
there's a stool underneath.
238
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,520
There's a stool underneath.
239
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,720
What a strange place!
240
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:28,560
You're in a pharmacy.
241
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:32,720
Commoners constantly suffer
from gastric problems and angina?
242
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,640
How can I help you?
243
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,960
I see how tragic it is
to be ordinary.
244
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:43,520
Yes!
245
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,200
Thank you, Mr Newsagent!
246
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,840
Maria, I can hear the TV. Open up!
247
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,480
You're still sulking
over the cigarette butts?
248
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,000
I need to marry a prince,
but which one?
249
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,320
You're a royal expert!
You're a concierge!
250
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,080
Slide an old Hello or Gala
under the door!
251
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,080
You can do that at least!
252
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:40,600
Hello?
253
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,440
Reality TV
has killed your profession.
254
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:50,440
Kad!
255
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:52,360
Can I get a quick photo?
256
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,880
- Kad!
- A photo, please.
257
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:56,520
- Hey, kids.
- Thanks.
258
00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,440
You're amazing, dude! See you!
259
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,240
Duke de Bern!
260
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,680
Open the window! Just one question.
261
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:28,760
If you were to marry a prince,
who would you choose?
262
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,920
If I were you,
I'd marry Prince Harry of England.
263
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,000
Ginger nut?
264
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:39,160
- That was quick. You've tried?
- To marry him?
265
00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:40,360
Keep calm!
266
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,880
Hands off, Duke de Bern. He's mine!
267
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,560
Drive. I don't know where I'm headed.
268
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,600
I'll totally improve his bloodline.
269
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:09,480
Stop!
270
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,160
That's my mother-in-law.
271
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:12,680
I need to talk to her.
272
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,800
- Where's your mother-in-law?
- Just back there.
273
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,120
I'll go and see her.
274
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:23,360
LADY DI MEMORIAL
275
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,880
"Liberty's flame offered
to the people of France by donors..."
276
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,240
Be my guest,
have a great day too!
277
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:33,240
Move out the way.
278
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:34,520
I'm talking to Diana.
279
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:35,640
Sure, you are.
280
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:37,600
- I need some quiet.
- Honestly!
281
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:38,680
Dear Diana,
282
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,840
you want me to marry Harry.
283
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,880
Obviously, he won't find better.
284
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,560
But I'm not doing all the work.
285
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:46,840
First of all,
286
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,320
you clear the ground ahead.
No rivals.
287
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,160
Secondly, do something
about the damp in England.
288
00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:55,480
It makes my hair unmanageable,
and that's a no-no.
289
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,520
Finally,
please note that I will never,
290
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,640
never ever do charity.
291
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,520
Okay, I'll keep you posted.
292
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,200
No, one last thing.
If you could make sure
293
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,200
Harry keeps his hair.
Ginger's bad enough but bald,
294
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:09,880
like William, is unbearable.
295
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,880
No more promenades down by the canal
296
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,200
No more postcards, no more Café Royal
297
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,560
I'm through with Paris
298
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,400
My mind's made up, I'm outta here
299
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,360
No more grey skies,
no more dull mornings
300
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:27,240
They say that in London
every day is spring
301
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:32,400
Over there, Paris,
c'est la vie en rose
302
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:40,200
What do you bet, Paris, that I'm gone
303
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,800
That I'm changing
304
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:44,880
my capital...
305
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,440
- Hello. Camilla, right?
- That's right.
306
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:56,920
I'm ready to get in your taxi.
You may open the door.
307
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,400
You usually take Executive Cabs?
308
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,640
Naturally. Isn't it obvious?
309
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,720
- Nobody told me.
- What's the earpiece for then?
310
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:13,440
My luggage.
311
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,120
- You have luggage?
- Yes.
312
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,840
- Where?
- Outside my front door.
313
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:18,680
Fifth floor, without a lift.
314
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,640
Nobody pulled that one before.
315
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:29,840
Pulled what?
316
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:30,800
That.
317
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,240
London, here I come.
318
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,360
Sorry, this deck
is closed to passengers.
319
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:33,800
No, madam.
320
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,600
I've seen Titanic too.
321
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,440
We know what happens
to the poor below decks.
322
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,720
I refuse to finish the crossing
on a wardrobe door.
323
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:43,320
Definitely not in this outfit.
324
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,360
Be so kind as to inform the captain
325
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:46,760
he may salute me now.
326
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,640
You won't be so uppity
when the taxman gets you.
327
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,120
What's so funny?
328
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:23,320
... in my prince's garden?
329
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:27,160
Ridiculous!
330
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:36,360
I know but I don't care.
331
00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:48,960
KENSINGTON PALACE
332
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,960
Prince Harry's current residence
333
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:07,600
That's forbidden!
334
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:09,720
Net curtains are for concierges.
335
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:12,560
I don't know, frosted glass!
336
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:14,640
Load-bearing?
337
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:16,480
It can come out?
338
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,280
Excellent ceiling height.
339
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,000
Paint out the two fat ladies.
340
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,440
Here,
we could install a lovely toilet.
341
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,240
It needs some work doing.
342
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:38,920
Excuse me, there is Japanese tourists
and a ramp for the disabled.
343
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,360
I was told Prince Henri lives here,
344
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,640
but it's obviously a museum.
345
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,280
There's nobody to carry my suitcase?
346
00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:29,480
Henri!
347
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,520
Come here and open the door,
concierge!
348
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,080
Run to tell Mummy!
349
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:48,680
Tale-telling limpdick!
350
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:53,840
I hope that's Harry you're calling.
351
00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:58,240
His future wife,
not his ugly stepmother.
352
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,320
Open the window, it reeks of kebabs.
353
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,600
CHARING CROSS POLICE STATION
354
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,680
Move, Pete Doherty, that's my corner.
355
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,560
You'll regret
the destruction of my tights.
356
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,840
I'm the Queen of England
357
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,720
and I shit on your face
358
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,320
Uptight bitch!
359
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:55,080
I shit on your face
360
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:59,000
Because the world works that way
361
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:01,880
Doorman! Handle it, please!
362
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:13,480
You're in my seat.
363
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:19,240
Innkeeper!
364
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:20,720
Give me a perfect room.
365
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:21,560
So...
366
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,120
Carpet without pubes.
367
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,280
They can take away the bedspread
before I come in.
368
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:29,560
It's yuck, yuck, yuck!
369
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,360
I won't wash myself
with washing-up liquid.
370
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:54,720
I have so much to do.
371
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,880
Can you have
the celebrity magazines brought up?
372
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:24,440
UGLY
373
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:25,280
GROSS
374
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,640
If I don't ring for you,
don't come disturbing me.
375
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:19,560
BOOTCAMP
376
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:21,480
Military fitness workout
377
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,880
DRILL SERGEANT
Sports coach
378
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:42,240
This is the fat arse regiment.
379
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:48,800
Who dress up for the tourists?
380
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:52,360
A regiment of losers, right?
381
00:28:58,040 --> 00:28:59,160
I don't think so.
382
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,640
A FEW YEARS EARLIER
PAINTBALL 2000, NEAR PARIS
383
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:07,720
What matters is my security.
384
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:10,000
I'm here today
thanks to other soldiers,
385
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,480
who dropped
like dung flies to protect me.
386
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:15,040
Fatties up front
387
00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:18,760
and anyone who can whisk up
a salad out of nothing, behind.
388
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:20,960
Here we go!
389
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:23,000
Say, "Yes, princess!"
390
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,160
If I get splatted,
I'll brand your arses!
391
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:30,600
Icky!
392
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:31,920
A bearer here!
393
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,040
Great! I may make you my sergeant.
394
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:36,760
What an idiot! Man down!
395
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:37,920
Leave him!
396
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:39,480
He'll slow us down!
397
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:43,800
Got it!
398
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:45,600
Now we torture the enemy!
399
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,000
With my Susan Boyle LP.
400
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:51,560
C'mon, let's see those arses wobble!
401
00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:53,000
One two! One two!
402
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:55,480
You won't lose your cellulite like
that!
403
00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:58,480
I'm gonna smoke a cig!
404
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:17,840
HORSE GUARDS
Prince Harry's Regiment
405
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,280
BRITISH ARMY RECRUITER
406
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,400
There are a lot of fags
in the army...
407
00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:38,640
I don't have time for spud duty.
408
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:47,120
You, for example.
409
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,880
Hear me? You're so stiff,
it's not a bit sexy.
410
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:56,120
1, 2, 3, 4, and toss!
411
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,080
1, 2, 3, 4, and toss!
412
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,680
Tossing your hair back is crucial.
413
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:09,440
Take the broom out of your arse.
414
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:12,000
While I check on the others,
you rehearse.
415
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:31,720
Who's the choreographer
416
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,280
who directed this steaming cowpat?
417
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:36,840
His career is so over!
418
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:56,080
Too many people.
419
00:32:58,080 --> 00:32:59,160
No fun, I'm going.
420
00:32:59,920 --> 00:33:00,920
I'm going, I said.
421
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:03,000
What's she following me for?
422
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:04,480
She's broken my arm!
423
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:05,920
The dyke's hurting me!
424
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:07,320
Let go of me!
425
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:17,960
Okay, call my lawyer.
426
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,720
NOTTING HILL POLICE STATION
427
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:38,240
Shift, Kate Moss. My bunk.
428
00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:31,000
La di da! Downtown Abbey.
429
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:32,680
La di da! Up yours!
430
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:05,840
PROFESSOR OF ETIQUETTE
431
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:25,840
Can we get some service here?
432
00:36:37,240 --> 00:36:38,000
Like a nun?
433
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:43,040
See? It worked.
434
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:21,280
Shit! Gruesome!
435
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:47,920
Sorry, I'm bored to death.
436
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:49,600
I need to find a disguise.
437
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:50,880
Goodbye.
438
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:54,920
Enjoy your tea, chéri.
439
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,640
Take me to la crème de la crème
of English fashion.
440
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:34,800
PERSONAL SHOPPERS
441
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:50,480
Like caramel,
and my skin is so smooth.
442
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:53,960
It has to be white and lumpy.
443
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:55,040
Rice pudding.
444
00:39:57,640 --> 00:39:58,880
Make me leeky.
445
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:07,200
Unflattering cuts.
446
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:08,840
With a lot of bad taste.
447
00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,320
That's pretty dreadful.
448
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:39,760
A campsite tablecloth.
449
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:54,200
Don't worry about the verruca,
I have my shoes on.
450
00:40:54,720 --> 00:40:55,760
It's a pain.
451
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:57,520
A real pain.
452
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:02,480
Brown or poo-coloured.
453
00:41:04,240 --> 00:41:06,520
That's not leather, it's plastic.
454
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:17,520
You can be a perfect foil.
455
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:35,160
So they're tight, tight, tight.
456
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:07,160
Prince Henri.
457
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:37,800
Did you see my panties?
458
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:50,680
There we go.
459
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:05,400
The trouble is, the hat
460
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:06,720
hides their hair.
461
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:08,080
I'm looking for Harry.
462
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:11,320
He may be over there. Or there.
463
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:21,280
I'm pretending
to stamp down the divots.
464
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:28,600
Tell me, old fossil...
465
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:41,920
Just my luck, he's decrepit.
466
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:48,360
He's senile.
467
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:56,720
What a pig.
468
00:43:57,960 --> 00:43:58,680
Pervy pops.
469
00:44:10,240 --> 00:44:13,160
I'm Camilla,
Countess of Metropolitan Paris.
470
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:35,840
I'll die of boredom.
471
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:43,080
Shit, I'd planned it like clockwork.
472
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:52,520
And it's going to grow back
down there.
473
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:31,520
Let's hope they're less plebby
than the spectators.
474
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:33,440
You're here for the beauty pageant?
475
00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:34,760
With the poodles.
476
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:40,920
Hello, groom.
477
00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:59,120
You can be my lover.
478
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:09,640
We'll always use condoms.
479
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:13,600
And he's not a bit ginger,
480
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:15,680
then he's going to make trouble.
481
00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:38,280
Okay, great.
482
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:11,040
Her again!
483
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:42,120
There's been a misunderstanding,
Diana.
484
00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:44,440
The division of duties was clear.
485
00:47:44,720 --> 00:47:47,200
For my part,
I've been moving mountains.
486
00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:48,560
What have you done?
487
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:50,200
Absolutely nothing
488
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:52,160
with regard to Harry's ex.
489
00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:53,560
She's all over the press.
490
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:55,600
And she's invited
to the Invictus Games.
491
00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:57,640
We must eliminate once and for all
492
00:47:57,840 --> 00:47:59,440
the pathetic limpet.
493
00:47:59,640 --> 00:48:00,680
Let's destroy her reputation.
494
00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:03,440
And nothing lame,
like rumours of STDs.
495
00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:07,240
We have to make her a pariah,
rejected by all Harry's friends.
496
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:10,680
More work for me.
I'm terribly disappointed, Diana.
497
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:14,200
That's what I need, an informer.
498
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:22,520
CHAMBERMAID
499
00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:31,440
It'll go cold.
500
00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:41,560
Your granny?
501
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:50,120
There's one tiny bollock in the soup.
502
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:51,960
If you look here, you see...
503
00:48:54,480 --> 00:48:55,800
The leech.
504
00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:59,360
Blow on my tea
because it's too hot. Blow!
505
00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:08,840
You don't know how to blow.
506
00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:42,240
Got it!
507
00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:44,200
I have a plan.
508
00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:46,080
No thanks to you.
509
00:52:17,760 --> 00:52:18,800
Damn thing!
510
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:36,000
You're fat, ugly and your breath
stinks, so hold still.
511
00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:37,240
Thank you.
512
00:52:47,160 --> 00:52:48,640
Insane, those stumpy legs!
513
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:06,640
This is Sausage.
514
00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:31,680
The premise...
515
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:32,640
You know, the concept.
516
00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:21,760
Get lost, you!
517
00:54:37,040 --> 00:54:38,160
It's totally shit.
518
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:39,720
It's not what I want.
519
00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:49,240
You're the ugliest thing
I've ever seen.
520
00:54:50,240 --> 00:54:51,680
And your breath stinks!
521
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:04,240
And abandon him.
522
00:55:29,480 --> 00:55:30,280
Stand here.
523
00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:41,680
Don't frown too much.
You're not pretty when you frown.
524
00:56:01,560 --> 00:56:02,800
Sausage!
525
00:57:02,240 --> 00:57:06,040
OFFICES OF "THE LADY"
Women's magazine since 1885
526
00:57:07,880 --> 00:57:11,280
I would like to speak
to the editor-in-chief, please.
527
00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:21,080
Because I have been
the witness of something...
528
00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:45,080
We have to tell the Royals
before it's too late.
529
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:55,080
You are the editor-in-chief?
530
00:57:57,240 --> 00:57:58,320
I'm Brigitte Radot.
531
00:58:21,960 --> 00:58:23,840
The defenceless fat corgi.
532
00:58:24,360 --> 00:58:27,040
This is Cressida Bonas, Harry's tart.
533
00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:28,880
I had to report the witch.
534
00:58:37,840 --> 00:58:39,520
I was walking my five dogs.
535
00:59:06,680 --> 00:59:10,640
Well, if you prefer to stay with your
3 subscribers who are about to die.
536
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:15,800
Don't come crying to me.
537
00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:24,680
And make a huge buzz.
538
00:59:27,080 --> 00:59:27,800
It's slow.
539
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:31,640
It's the two little fatties fighting.
540
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:33,640
That's good. Now the hashtags.
541
00:59:34,080 --> 00:59:35,720
#Royalscandal
542
00:59:36,400 --> 00:59:39,080
#Cressidabonasisafatwhore
543
00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:50,640
I love the service industry.
544
00:59:57,440 --> 00:59:58,320
Take it!
545
01:00:38,480 --> 01:00:40,360
I go first,
you have a down jacket.
546
01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:49,640
Private club
owned by a friend of Prince Harry
547
01:00:56,400 --> 01:00:58,400
Neither will the real Cressida.
548
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:21,760
I haven't finished! Again!
549
01:01:21,960 --> 01:01:24,160
I need a bigger ovation!
550
01:01:54,600 --> 01:01:55,880
They're still there?
551
01:02:01,240 --> 01:02:03,280
Patience pays off in the end.
552
01:02:22,800 --> 01:02:25,120
I'll never drink again.
Bring me a beer.
553
01:03:21,800 --> 01:03:23,040
They scare me.
554
01:03:23,240 --> 01:03:25,240
I hope I'll be safe
with my rubber gloves.
555
01:04:02,600 --> 01:04:05,040
Paralympic games
organised by Prince Harry
556
01:05:07,320 --> 01:05:08,800
I hear a celebrity!
557
01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:11,400
I'll go and see.
558
01:06:36,480 --> 01:06:39,360
Just need to write
a phone number on my panties.
559
01:06:40,160 --> 01:06:41,680
It won't take long.
560
01:06:42,680 --> 01:06:43,800
Thank you.
561
01:08:49,080 --> 01:08:50,560
Henri, no reception!
562
01:08:50,880 --> 01:08:52,160
There's no signal!
563
01:08:52,360 --> 01:08:54,080
The walls are too thick!
564
01:09:00,080 --> 01:09:00,880
An arse!
565
01:09:17,840 --> 01:09:19,040
Pervert!
566
01:09:24,880 --> 01:09:28,040
What do you bet, Harry, I'm gone
567
01:09:29,520 --> 01:09:31,840
That I'm changing
568
01:09:32,000 --> 01:09:33,200
my capital
569
01:09:36,440 --> 01:09:39,640
What do you bet, Harry, I'm gone
570
01:09:40,960 --> 01:09:43,040
That I'm dumping you
571
01:09:43,560 --> 01:09:45,800
On your dirty pavements
572
01:09:50,480 --> 01:09:53,360
No more grey skies,
no more dull mornings
573
01:09:54,000 --> 01:09:56,320
They say that in Paris
every day is spring
574
01:09:56,520 --> 01:09:58,960
I'm through with Harry
575
01:09:59,160 --> 01:10:02,560
My mind's made up, I'm outta here
576
01:11:50,440 --> 01:11:51,520
And rough!
577
01:12:01,680 --> 01:12:03,600
Don't sell yourselves short, people!
578
01:12:03,760 --> 01:12:06,160
Get back on your life,
for shit's sake!
579
01:12:12,320 --> 01:12:14,000
No, don't touch me!
580
01:13:05,160 --> 01:13:06,880
Me 1 hour ago
581
01:13:24,880 --> 01:13:25,720
There.
582
01:13:26,440 --> 01:13:29,120
LITERARY DIRECTOR
Editions Michel Lafon
583
01:13:29,640 --> 01:13:31,240
That's the whole story.
584
01:13:31,440 --> 01:13:33,800
The idea's not to recount my romance
585
01:13:34,000 --> 01:13:37,040
with one of the "greats"
of this world.
586
01:13:37,800 --> 01:13:39,520
It's all about relating
587
01:13:39,720 --> 01:13:42,920
a universal story
that everyone can identify with.
588
01:13:43,120 --> 01:13:45,880
In other words,
the story of a broken heart.
589
01:13:47,320 --> 01:13:48,400
Not mine.
590
01:13:48,600 --> 01:13:49,720
His, of course.
591
01:13:50,040 --> 01:13:50,760
Sure.
592
01:13:50,960 --> 01:13:52,280
You see what I mean?
593
01:13:52,480 --> 01:13:55,120
It's a man who suffers
and a woman who moves on.
594
01:13:55,880 --> 01:13:57,240
- Right?
- Right.
595
01:13:57,840 --> 01:13:59,840
So I've already done
596
01:14:00,000 --> 01:14:01,640
most of the work.
597
01:14:03,200 --> 01:14:05,240
There's not much left for you to do.
598
01:14:05,720 --> 01:14:07,720
Here's a mock-up of it.
599
01:14:08,280 --> 01:14:10,640
That's the title, which I adore.
600
01:14:11,320 --> 01:14:12,960
"Thanks but no thanks
for this moment".
601
01:14:14,480 --> 01:14:15,480
With the photo.
602
01:14:15,680 --> 01:14:17,440
I think the format works great.
603
01:14:18,080 --> 01:14:20,320
The bigger it is,
the more visible it is,
604
01:14:20,520 --> 01:14:21,680
the more it sells.
605
01:14:22,160 --> 01:14:23,160
Sure.
606
01:14:24,680 --> 01:14:27,840
I've done things
that maybe nobody will do again.
607
01:14:28,040 --> 01:14:31,440
And experienced things that maybe
nobody will ever experience.
608
01:14:33,360 --> 01:14:34,400
It packs a punch.
609
01:14:35,280 --> 01:14:36,280
A real punch.
610
01:14:36,480 --> 01:14:37,560
Yeah.
611
01:14:39,920 --> 01:14:42,320
THE PARISIAN BITCH
PRINCESS OF HEARTS
612
01:14:49,920 --> 01:14:52,360
I think
I turned off the camera.
613
01:14:52,960 --> 01:14:54,920
I turned it off. Didn't I?
614
01:15:09,960 --> 01:15:12,320
I meant to say Brigitte.
What an idiot!
615
01:15:12,520 --> 01:15:13,800
I'm so stupid.
616
01:15:14,240 --> 01:15:14,960
I've had enough.
617
01:15:15,160 --> 01:15:16,280
I give up, I resign.
618
01:15:16,480 --> 01:15:18,080
I'm surrounded by imbeciles.
619
01:15:18,280 --> 01:15:20,240
I won't let them
get away with it.
620
01:15:20,440 --> 01:15:22,120
I've had it up to here.
621
01:15:22,320 --> 01:15:24,520
You take over.
Use Google maps.
622
01:15:27,480 --> 01:15:28,600
What do I do now?
623
01:15:30,880 --> 01:15:32,160
You moron!
624
01:15:47,680 --> 01:15:49,520
- I want to see François.
- You work here?
625
01:15:49,720 --> 01:15:51,280
No, I need to talk to him.
626
01:15:51,480 --> 01:15:52,480
I recognize you.
627
01:15:52,760 --> 01:15:54,320
Off with his head!
628
01:15:56,760 --> 01:15:59,080
Very dry.
It all needs hydrating.
629
01:16:02,920 --> 01:16:05,280
Where are they at
with the pill for men?
630
01:16:05,480 --> 01:16:07,520
The male contraceptive pill?
Nowhere.
631
01:16:07,720 --> 01:16:10,160
They refused a vasectomy,
saying he'd be tired out.
632
01:16:11,560 --> 01:16:13,080
I'm not laughing.
633
01:16:13,560 --> 01:16:15,320
Why share
my inheritance with a kid?
634
01:16:15,520 --> 01:16:17,080
And definitely not a bastard.
635
01:16:17,280 --> 01:16:18,840
Given hubby's attraction
636
01:16:19,040 --> 01:16:20,720
to girls of easy virtue...
637
01:16:35,480 --> 01:16:37,840
Is it him or not?
638
01:16:38,360 --> 01:16:39,000
It's him?
639
01:16:41,000 --> 01:16:42,480
David, this earpiece...
640
01:16:42,640 --> 01:16:44,800
This earpiece
too big for my ear.
641
01:16:49,520 --> 01:16:50,640
Tell her she's a ninny.
642
01:16:51,080 --> 01:16:52,120
You ninny!
643
01:17:08,880 --> 01:17:09,960
Princely perfection.
644
01:17:10,280 --> 01:17:11,920
A legend!
645
01:17:13,400 --> 01:17:14,200
Great.
646
01:17:14,400 --> 01:17:16,000
Then the scone trick.
647
01:17:25,040 --> 01:17:26,120
It's so yucky.
648
01:17:28,960 --> 01:17:30,080
I was odious.
649
01:17:30,280 --> 01:17:31,840
Let's give him
a round of applause.
650
01:17:49,920 --> 01:17:52,200
We're trying to blow
her monthly budget.
651
01:17:52,400 --> 01:17:53,720
It's the end of the month...
652
01:17:53,880 --> 01:17:55,040
Who do you mean?
653
01:17:55,240 --> 01:17:56,280
The little one.
654
01:17:56,600 --> 01:17:57,480
Okay.
655
01:17:57,680 --> 01:17:59,080
Her monthly budget.
656
01:18:00,160 --> 01:18:01,160
The stress rises
657
01:18:01,360 --> 01:18:02,720
when I see she's unhappy.
658
01:18:02,920 --> 01:18:03,680
Watch out.
659
01:18:03,960 --> 01:18:06,080
I think she's a prodigy.
660
01:18:07,040 --> 01:18:09,120
Hello! Congratulations!
661
01:18:10,200 --> 01:18:11,160
I get it now.
662
01:18:23,600 --> 01:18:25,280
Last scene of the movie.
663
01:18:25,720 --> 01:18:27,720
I expect to be paid my royalties
664
01:18:27,920 --> 01:18:29,520
before I write a line.
665
01:18:29,720 --> 01:18:31,960
I need to know
how many 0's on the cheque.
666
01:18:32,240 --> 01:18:34,360
We're looking
at a million in sales.
667
01:18:34,560 --> 01:18:36,680
I doubt we'll sell a million.
668
01:18:36,880 --> 01:18:38,280
You're Michel's secretary?
669
01:18:38,480 --> 01:18:40,040
No, literary director.
670
01:18:40,240 --> 01:18:41,160
I see.
671
01:18:41,360 --> 01:18:43,080
- Have you farted?
- Sorry?
672
01:18:43,320 --> 01:18:44,440
Can't you smell it?
673
01:18:44,960 --> 01:18:45,680
Not at all.
674
01:18:45,880 --> 01:18:48,920
- You haven't farted?
- No. Cross my heart...
675
01:18:49,160 --> 01:18:50,480
It's a farty smell.
676
01:18:50,680 --> 01:18:51,600
That's enough.
677
01:18:51,920 --> 01:18:53,480
On hidden camera, Huguette.
678
01:18:53,680 --> 01:18:55,160
You little sneaks!
679
01:18:55,360 --> 01:18:57,080
You bunch of sneaks!
680
01:18:57,320 --> 01:18:58,080
Damn you!
681
01:18:58,240 --> 01:18:59,400
She had me fooled.
682
01:18:59,600 --> 01:19:01,440
I was like,
poor girl, she's nuts!
45966
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