Original subtitles

[joyful music]

♪ ♪

[speaking French] - It's definitely your turn

to buy the drinks.

I have the memory of an ox.

- Since when did an ox have a good memory?

- You know I've been drinking mulled wine.

- And don't I know it.

- You and me against the world, my son.

We would like the one with the most "spice,"

if you know what I mean.

No, no, we'll take a bottle each.

A bottle each.

Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- I have a photo for your newspaper.

Look, Guignol is alive and well in Sainte Victoire.

Come on, everyone. A big smile for the reporter.

- Say cheese.

Madame, I am Gendarme Flageolet,

and I feel I have to tell you

that you are breaking the law.

And which law are you talking about, Monsieur Gendarme?

The law that says you are a thief, Madame.

Me, a thief? Certainly not.

I have no idea what you are talking about.

I'm going to arrest you, Madame.

But, but, but, but I was with my husband.

Prove it!

OK I will.

Oh, Guignol.

Where are you?

Will you help me, children?

Where is Guignol?

Where are you?

Where are you, Guignol?

Let's try again.

Everyone.

Where is Guignol?

Where are you?

- [screams]

[theme song]

- ♪ Do you remember the first time ♪

♪ That my eyes set on you? ♪

♪ Your smile came from nowhere ♪

♪ For some time never ♪

♪ Or sometime soon ♪

♪ The road is a long one ♪

♪ I was only passing through ♪

♪ I was only passing through ♪

[soft, tinkly music]

♪ ♪

- Listen, I'm not staying any longer than an hour.

I've been rushed off my feet all day.

I'm knackered and I've still got presents to wrap.

But Jeremy said he's got a surprise for me,

and I don't want to sound like the Grinch.

- You?

Sound like the Grinch?

- Hey, I'll have you know I'm the most Christmassy

person in the world.

I've even been known to make my own paper chains.

- Is that right?

- Yes.

From scratch!

Plus, you know how amorous Judith

can get with me after a couple of bottles of champagne.

- Well, who can blame her?

- This is--this is something I've been meaning

to give you for a while.

- Oh.

I'm loving our time together, Dom.

But do you think it's a bit early to be thinking about--

- Oh, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

No, it's not that. - What?

- No, I'm not--

I'm not proposing.

Look, it's a key.

Just a key.

It's just a key to my house.

Okay? - I'm sorry.

- Yeah, in hindsight, it's the wrong box.

- [wheezing] Sorry.

- It's the wrong box.

Anyway, that's for you.

- Sorry.

Look, Jean, I'm--

I'm absolutely loving this.

You know, us.

- I'm hearing a but coming.

- No, no.

No, not at all.

I'm absolutely loving this time together, just me and you.

You know?

Our little secret.

Can we keep it like that for a bit?

You know, before the whole world finds out?

- Dom, that's so romantic.

- Exactly.

I don't want anything or anyone to ruin this.

- I wholeheartedly agree.

[loud knock]

- Hey there.

- Surprise.

- Oh, lovely.

It's from Geraldine.

I haven't heard from her for years.

She was one of our bridesmaids.

Do you remember, darling?

[sad music]

♪ ♪

- Darling!

I've just been showing Dominic the Advocaat

that we've had shipped in.

I had an urge for one at the golf club,

and I've stopped La Couronne up with it.

It's flying out of the door!

- It's a Christmas staple.

Uncle Patrick practically weaned me on the stuff.

- Now, shall we go through to the dining room

and see the tree?

[phone rings]

- Oh, sorry.

Oh.

Hello?

Oh, yeah.

Okay, yes, I--I'm on my way.

I'm so sorry, but that was Caron

and he really needs my help.

Can we do our Advocaat later?

- Of course we can.

- Something's happened at the Christmas market.

Can you give me a lift? - Sure, come on.

- I'm so sorry.

- Oh, don't worry, darling.

They can come and see the tree later.

Hmm, right.

What have we got here, then?

- Hiya.

Who's that?

- Christian Delise.

He's the son of the victim.

He is inebriated and can't stop crying.

- Well, what's happened?

- His father, Frederick Delise performs the show with him.

When his father was taking a break,

he removed the puppet from his hand.

When he put it back on, the puppet

must have been replaced with an identical one,

but with one fatal addition.

Super sharp razor blades had been

cleverly sewn on the inside, slicing his main artery.

He was discovered quite quickly,

but unfortunately, he suffers from a condition called

Von Willebrand disease, where even

small cuts can be fatal, as the blood does

not coagulate quick enough.

He is currently fighting for his life.

- That's horrific.

And what about the son?

- Eyewitnesses say he was doing the show when it happened.

He had his hands in two puppets on stage, so he could not have

possibly replaced the puppet.

And judging by how distraught he is,

I can't think why he would.

Now, do you--do you know anything about puppets?

- Well, it looks like an original Guignol puppet.

Yeah, I mean, about 1810, possibly made by the puppeteer

himself, Laurent Maugé.

But you can never tell.

He was a tooth-puller, and he made puppets to distract

the patients from their pain.

Oh, hang on.

No, I'm sorry.

This is actually a brilliant copy.

- How do you know?

- Well, you see, the original would have been hand stitched,

and this has been made on a machine.

And I can smell the coffee here.

That's a classic way of aging fabric.

No, this puppet, it's been made for the job in hand.

- Jean.

- Christian?

- In hand.

- Christian.

- Come to gloat, have you?

Go away, Mother!

[lively music]

- See you later.

- Thank God you're here!

Oh, Gloria, I need to tell someone.

- What on Earth's the matter?

- Nancy, my best friend, is in the UK.

And Jean is at some crime scene, so I thought of you.

- Well, I'm very flattered to be third choice.

- I received a Christmas card from one of my bridesmaids.

She told me very gently that the priest who

married me and Jeremy nearly 38 years ago

is not a priest at all.

- Oh, no.

- I know.

She saw a news article about him.

The priest character was a cover,

and he's actually a member of the Parisian mafia

and is serving 30 years in prison for his heinous crimes.

- Wow.

- Which means that I am a scarlet woman.

I've never been married.

What can I do?

- Well, first things first, you have to tell Jeremy.

- I can't.

I don't think I can find the words.

[phone rings]

It's Jeremy.

What do I do?

- Answer the phone and act naturally.

- Yes.

Hello, foxy chops!

Yeah, no, I'm at the garage.

I forgot to tell you that Gloria

has invited us for Christmas drinks at the pub.

Yes.

See you there.

[kiss noises]

Thank you.

- Aye.

I'd best go and get changed then.

- Giselle said you weren't answering your phone,

so I thought I'd better come down and see if you were okay.

- Pardon, Madam--

- Oh, Joanna.

- Who is Giselle?

- She's my granddaughter.

She lives with us.

It's a long story.

- You got your own way in the end, didn't you, Mother, dear?

You hated the ground he walked on!

She left me and my dad when I was 10.

Ran away with another man, leaving me alone.

Didn't you, Mother?

- You know it was never like that, Christian!

- Could you give your details to one of my officers in case--

- Yeah. - we have any more questions?

- Of course.

- Take care.

- Thank you.

[phone rings]

- Hello?

[whispers] Calm-- calm down, Jeremy.

- Monsieur Delise, do you remember

seeing anything unusual?

- Please, I just want to go to the hospital to see my father.

But I still have to take the show down.

- My officers and I will help you with that

and then give you a lift to the hospital.

It's probably best you don't drive.

- Of course.

Thank you.

- Okay, yeah.

- Thanks for your help.

I can take it from here.

- Okay, well, if you need any more help, just give me a call.

- Of course.

- Do you fancy a quick drink in La Couronne?

Jeremy needs my help.

- Oh.

- Oh, dear.

You look like you need this.

- Oh, thank you.

- On the house.

- Thank you.

Hang on.

I own the house.

- Treat yourself, then.

It's Christmas Eve.

- Oh!

Thank goodness.

Quickly, before Judith arrives.

- What's going on?

- I just got a call from one of my groomsmen from my wedding.

Apparently, he's found out the priest that

married us 37 years ago was, in fact,

a member of the Parisian mafia and was undercover as a priest!

Meaning we were never married.

- Crikey.

- Does Judith know?

- No, of course not.

- Don't you think you should tell her?

- No, please, don't say anything.

Any of you.

I need some thinking time.

- Oh, of course not, mate.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

- We're right here for you, for both of you.

- Another on the house?

- Oh.

- Merry Christmas, everyone!

- There she is, Christmas personified.

- Merry Christmas, Judith.

- Thank you, Jean.

- Merry Christmas, Judith.

- Merry Christmas, Jeremy.

- Shall we have a quick one before the choir starts?

- Oh, good idea. Let's grab a table.

- Yes, let's do. - I'll bring them over.

Usual? - Thanks, Glo, you're an angel.

- Yeah.

I am.

- Oh, I like your headwear.

- I like yours.

[gasps] That's brilliant!

- Thank you.

Hey, can you keep a secret?

- I was just about to ask you the same thing.

- You go first.

- Judith has found out from her old bridesmaid

that the priest who married her and Jeremy

isn't really a priest.

She's distraught.

Wish we could help.

- That's just what Jeremy told me.

Let me have a think.

["O Holy Night" playing in distance]

♪ ♪

- Keep going.

Right, round here.

Now stop and look up.

- What?

- Well, in the sky.

Look up.

Right, now, up there is NGC 2264.

- Catchy name.

- Well, it is a large emission nebula

located about 2,500 light years away in the

constellation Monoceros.

But it is most famous for looking

exactly like a Christmas tree.

- Oh.

When you're talking about astronomy,

well, I don't know what you're on about half the time.

But the way you say it, it's lovely.

I've had the best Christmas Eve in years.

- Yeah?

Yeah, me too.

- Um.

It doesn't have to end now.

- Oh.

- Oh, I meant--

well, if you're not ready--

- Oh, no.

No, I am more than ready. - Oh.

- Oh, sorry.

No, that sounded a bit too keen, didn't it?

- No, not at all.

- I just need to make sure you mean--

you know, what I think you mean.

- That is exactly what I mean.

- Just a minute?

- What's that?

- That's just a few overnight things.

Actually, this--

this bag has been in the boot of the car

since we first kissed.

- Oh.

I see.

Well, be a shame not to use it then, eh?

[soft, sentimental music]

♪ ♪

- Now, I couldn't find your Christmas mugs,

so I just used the regular ones.

- Christmas mugs.

You sound like Gloria.

- Who do you think bought me all mine?

- [laughs] I've got you a present.

- Oh, you haven't.

Oh.

Ooh!

Oh, my--Oh, wow.

It's an armillary sphere.

- Oh, you haven't got one, have you?

- No, no, no. I've always wanted one, though.

- Oh, good.

- Oh, wow.

That is amazing.

- So go on, show me what it does.

- Oh, right.

Well, when--when you turn this,

you see the movements of the constellations

around the Earth.

- Ooh.

- Oh, thank you so much, Jean.

I love it.

- Aw.

- I've actually got you a present as well.

- Oh?

Okay.

Oh, now, I wonder what that can be.

- Well, it's not an air fryer.

- Ha, ha!

Oh!

How did you know?

- Well, I asked Charlie who your favorite artists were,

and he's the only one I'd ever heard of.

- Oh, Dom, that--

that's so kind.

- Come here.

[phone rings]

- I'm sorry.

Ah.

Merry Christmas, Carol.

Oh.

Oh, dear.

Yeah, okay.

I'll call Dom and see if he can drive me over.

- What's up?

- Frederick passed away in the night.

It's now a murder inquiry.

- Oh.

- I'm so sorry to ruin our day.

- Oh, don't be daft.

You're not ruining anything.

Jeremy and Judith always book me to take them to church

Christmas morning because, well, they're

usually too hungover to drive.

- Well, they didn't strike me as the religious type.

- No, no they're not.

They go to church once a year, just in case.

Right.

I'll tell you what.

I'll drop you off, and then we'll--we'll meet up later.

- Thanks, Dom.

- Come here.

- See you in a bit.

See you later.

- Oh, full uniform on Christmas Day?

- A sign of respect.

I'm still on duty.

And a murder has been committed.

- Fair enough.

- Thank you for giving me some of your Christmas Day, Jean.

- Oh, anything to help.

What have we got?

- So this is the last photo that

was taken of Frederick alive.

- Who took that?

- A local press photographer.

The puppet hut was inspected when we helped dismantle it.

Nothing.

I've been through his phone records.

And the last person he called was Joanna at 1:45 PM.

- So he called her.

- Yes.

And then, there is this.

When we searched their van, we found an insurance policy.

It was taken out only three weeks

ago by a certain C. Delise.

- Christian?

- Exactly.

His distraught son is now 100,000 euros better off.

We need to pay him a visit.

- Well.

Well, there's no time like the Christmas present.

♪ ♪

[rapping on door]

- Not there.

That's my father's chair.

Was my father's chair.

- So sorry.

I'll--yep.

- We have checked your father's phone records.

The last phone call your father ever made

was to your mother, Joanna.

Why do you think that is?

- Probably because he still loved her.

Who knows?

She left us when I was just 10 years of age.

And then, she proceeded to take my daughter, Giselle!

- What do you mean?

- Me, my wife and Giselle, we all lived here with my father.

My wife left me when Giselle was young.

And my mother said me and Dad weren't fit to bring her up.

- That must have been, um, hard.

- She applied for custody of Giselle and she got it.

Now my daughter hates me too.

You know, I wouldn't put it past Joanna to see him off.

She has always wanted everyone to hate me!

- But now you are a rich man with your father's

insurance policy.

- I--I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.

- I am talking about the insurance policy

that you took out on your father just three weeks ago.

- Look.

It's your signature, C. Delise.

- Oh.

Papa.

- Are you denying this?

- My father's real name was Calvin Frederick.

But for some reason, everyone knew him as Frederick.

This is his signature.

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

- I am not allowed to open Claudia's

presents until after dinner.

Because even though she's on the other side of the world,

she's got this, like, a Christmas sixth sense.

My daughter, the festive Jedi.

[bell rings]

Oh, look at that.

Oh, isn't that lovely.

- Sorry, Dominic.

Could you--could you take me home?

I suddenly don't feel very well.

- It's Christmas morning.

- Please, Dominic.

I just want to go home.

- Take us home, Dominic.

Thank you.

- Of course.

[pleasant music]

♪ ♪

- Families can be complicated.

- I have never really believed in la famille avant tout.

- Family above all?

No, me neither.

My sister stole my mother's pension.

- Pardon?

- It is a long story for another day.

But we were always so very different, like the gene that

bonded us was twisted somehow.

- We can choose our friends, but we can't choose our family.

- Now, that is a proverb I do believe in.

[rapping on door]

- We need to know where Joanna was at the time of the murder.

- Do you think she might have killed him?

- There is clearly no love lost.

But whether she is capable of murder is for us to ascertain.

- Oh!

Good morning.

Merry Christmas.

- I profoundly regret calling on Christmas morning.

Sadly, Frederick did not make it.

He passed away in the early hours.

- Oh.

That's awful news.

Well, you better come in.

Excuse the mess.

We're just opening our presents.

This is my husband, Hans.

- Good morning.

- And this is my granddaughter, Giselle.

- Bonjour.

- Do take a seat.

Giselle, Frederick didn't make it, I'm afraid.

- I need to ask you a rather sensitive question.

- Oh, of course.

Anything.

- The last phone call Frederick made was to you.

Can you explain?

- [laughs] He was always ringing me,

asking me for money.

- Blackmailing her.

- Oh, Hans, please.

He'd say it was for Christian and it

was the least I could do.

- How do you mean?

- Well, they thought I deserted them, but I didn't.

I just couldn't take any more of--

of his abuse.

My plan was to leave, find a flat, and return for Christian.

But back then, French law stated

that if a woman left the family home,

she had to give up all her rights.

- Well, that's awful!

- Yes.

Until the '70s, parental responsibilities

belonged solely to the father.

Puissance paternelle.

- Oh, I knew the law was against me.

But I wanted my son and me away from Frederick.

I got a flat within weeks and returned for Christian.

But in that time, he'd poisoned Christian's mind against me

so much, he wouldn't come with me.

I met Hans a year later.

Christian grew up, got married, had a daughter, Giselle.

But in that time, Christian's memory had become so warped

by his father, and by alcohol.

The apple didn't fall far from the tree, I'm afraid.

And when I heard that Christian's wife had left him,

well, I knew Giselle needed a family.

By then, Frederick and Christian

were drinking too much.

So I had to do something.

I mean, they were in no fit state to bring up a child.

She would have ended up in care!

I let my son down.

But I was determined I wasn't going to let

my granddaughter down as well.

[speaking French]

- I would like to call Isabelle.

Can I?

- Of course, darling.

- Isabella is her best friend.

But, I mean, they're like sisters.

- [speaking French] Hello, Dad.

Grandma told me about Frederick,

and I just wanted to see if you are okay.

Dad, that's not fair.

I didn't hate him.

It's just he was always so drunk when I came to see you.

Dad, he was.

You know he was.

And all the things he said about Grandma.

I'm sorry as he was...

[click, dial tone]

- Where were you at the time of the murder?

- We were at a matinée of a Christmas show in town.

- Yeah, I've got a program here.

- Oh, thanks.

May I?

- Of course.

- Oh, wow.

- You have a good eye.

- I've just never seen one in this good condition before.

- What is it?

- It's a shaving soap set from the Civil War

made of gutta percha.

- Gutta percha?

- First type of plastic.

Oh, I only because of the research

I did when I was present shopping.

- [gasp] And it's got the original soap.

It's amazing.

- Grooming is a huge passion of mine.

Vintage items especially.

- We have taken up enough of your morning.

Thank you.

- Well, if there's anything else we can do to help.

- Do you mind if I nip to your bathroom on the way out?

- Well, of course, it's up the stairs, straight ahead.

- Thank you.

- I will wait in the car.

- Okay.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[phone buzzing]

[whispering] Hiya.

I'm just searching for something.

- Of course you are.

Shall I meet you in the pub when you're done?

A little midday livener?

- Yeah, you're on.

- All right.

Bye, then.

- Bye.

- You hang up first.

- You dafthead, I'm going to see you in a bit.

- All right.

Bye.

- Well, I never.

- Oh!

How exciting.

I can't seem to open this.

What is it, love?

Oh, that's lovely, darling.

Thank you.

You're so clever.

- About time something to replace that tatty, old one.

- Thank you so much.

- What did you make of that?

- Something's not sitting right,

but they appear to have an alibi being at the theater.

Obviously, I will have to verify this.

- I want you to have this.

Oh, be careful.

- A razor blade.

Where did you get this?

- From their bathroom.

- Jean, that is technically stealing!

- It was just lying on the side.

Look, just check if it matches the ones in the puppet.

And if not, then at least we can

rule them out and start again.

- [sighs] Very well.

But there is something I have to do first.

- Is that it?

- It certainly is.

- Right, Gloria.

Well, you go and spread some Christmas cheer

and deliver that little lot, and

there'll be a nice, big drink waiting

for you when you get back.

- Boozy hot chocolate?

- With an extra flake.

- Oh!

[giggles]

Hey, Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.

You're not stopping?

- No, I'm on a mission.

- Course you are.

I'll see you later.

- Indeed you will!

[sad music]

♪ ♪

- [speaking French] Merry Christmas, Sara.

- [whispers] Jean!

You look lovely. - Oh!

Thank you.

So do you.

- You got something on--

- Oh!

You're living dangerously.

- It's Christmas, innit?

So, how'd you get on?

- Well, Joanna and her husband have an alibi.

They were at matinee at the time Frederick was murdered.

- Which one?

- The Christmas show at Sainte Victoire theater.

- But that show was stopped because the sprinkler

system was set off by somebody having a fag in the toilets.

- What time?

- About 3:00.

- I've got to see Caron.

- Okay.

♪ ♪

- Caron, their alibi, it doesn't hold up.

Tell him.

- The Christmas play yesterday was stopped at 3:00.

Fire sprinklers were set off.

The whole theater was evacuated.

I was rushed off my feet, every fare talking about it.

- This razor blade is the same as the ones

sewn into the puppet.

- Oh, my God. - Stay here.

I'm bringing them in.

[soft music]

♪ ♪

- Thought I heard the door.

- Me too.

- After you.

- You are cordially invited to an Advocaat tasting party at La

Couronne, 7:00 PM tonight.

Dress Christmas best.

- Patrick's a real entrepreneur, even

on Christmas Day.

- I suppose we should show our faces.

- I agree.

- Put on a united front for our people.

- What's wrong?

- Oh, no.

Please, it's--it's just something in my eye.

- Well, let me see.

I can't see anything.

Try pulling your eyelid down as far as it will go.

- It's fine.

I think it's gone.

- Shall we still wear the matching velvet?

- Of course.

- Grandma!

- Don't worry, darling, we didn't do anything.

Oh. - Madame.

Please.

You do not need to wait in the cell with your grandparents.

You can wait over there.

- I'm right here!

- What have they said?

- Well, apparently, the phone call to Joanna

was from Frederick, threatening to sell the house

that she'd given up for Christian if she

didn't give him more money.

- They said they tried all the legal routes.

- So yesterday afternoon, they had a meeting

with Hans' brother, who apparently

knows that kind of people who could scare Frederick.

- They both deny anything to do with the murder.

Hans's brother is not answering,

and Hans will not give up his address.

- So they're both lying.

- Their story was pretty consistent, but they must be.

- Or maybe they're both telling the truth.

- Pardon?

- The apron.

- Thank you.

You're so clever!

- About time, something to replace that tatty, old one.

- Oh, dear.

I think we need to question Giselle.

- Dom, can you continue manning the reception

while I call Children's Services?

- Yeah, no problem.

I'm quite enjoying this copper vibe.

- Where were you yesterday afternoon?

- My colleague asked you a question.

- I went for a walk.

- Where?

- Just around.

- You see, Giselle, we know where you were.

You were at the Christmas market

when your grandfather got murdered.

- Don't call him that!

Hans is my grandfather.

- This is you, isn't it, Giselle?

Now, you can tell us how you did it,

or you can let your grandparents spend Christmas

night in a cell just for you.

- I hated him.

He was the cause of all the upset in our lives.

Constantly blackmailing my grandma,

poisoning my dad against her.

The only reason my dad has a drinking problem

is because his dad encouraged it.

- That must have been hard to grow up with.

- When I heard that Frederick was putting

the house up for sale behind Dad's back,

that was the last straw.

I saw Hans' old-fashioned razor blades and had an idea.

At college, I made an exact copy of his Guignol puppets,

fit the razor blades inside.

I swapped the puppets at the moment he always took it off.

It's been the same show since I can remember.

I knew of Frederick's blood condition.

And he was always so drunk, he probably didn't feel a thing.

What's going to happen to me?

- I am going to leave you in the hands of Children's

Services, as you are a minor.

- But it's Christmas Day.

♪ ♪

- I really want to hug you.

- No.

No, no.

- Poor kid.

- Yeah, but when that poor kid commits premeditated murder,

there's got to be consequences, Dom.

- Whole life ruined because of the bad behavior of adults.

- Oh.

- Merry Christmas.

[sentimental music]

♪ ♪

[laughter]

- It ruined Christmas.

It ruined Christmas.

- To the death of that coat.

- Here!

- Merry Christmas.

- Darling, I have something to tell you.

- You first.

- The priest that married us--

- is a criminal.

And we were never married.

Oh, so you knew!

Oh, thank God.

- I was scared if I told you and you had the choice,

you might not want to stay with me anymore.

I know I drive you mad.

- Judith, if I lived 1,000 lives,

I would track you down and marry you in every one of them.

- [sobs] Oh!

- Hey.

I am so glad you said that.

Come with me.

[sentimental music]

- Shh! Shh.

They're coming.

Come on.

[applause]

- I think it's time to pop the question again, Jeremy.

♪ ♪

- Will you marry me again?

- 1,000 times over.

♪ ♪

[bright music]

♪ When will it show ♪

♪ That the secret I keep ♪

♪ Is not mine on my own ♪

♪ When will it show I'm in love? ♪

♪ ♪