Original subtitles

.

[thumping]

- I can't believe Tammy did me dirty.

Thought she was my good friend

and she up and stabbed me in the back.

I know you recorded the video that got me fired.

I trusted you, and you betrayed me.

- ♪ Too bad, so sad, now I'm gonna get what's mine ♪

The championship at Daytona.

- But Tammy will not beat me at Daytona.

She can't.

She won't.

She mustn't.

And I am gonna crush Tammy like a bug!

[grunts]

But again, this is not about Tammy.

This is for the kids.

Why am the only one in here sweating, huh?

Unroll the mats.

- Uh, to be fair, I actually am sweating,

but it's just because I have an overactive gland.

- Unroll the mats!

- Okay.

[upbeat music]

- She's been like this for a week.

- I've never been more frightened in my entire life.

Yeah.

And I spent all of fifth grade in a well.

- I'm so scared, I can't even sleep.

And I'm, like, literally always tired.

- Courteney just like, boom,

became a completely different person.

This is like a Dr. Jekyll- Hannah Montana situation.

- I mean, who is this woman?

- Well, that's Lorraine.

That's Coach's alter ego who comes out

when things get really bad.

- [bleep].

- Met her my third freshman year when she had

a stalker who stole her favorite pair of boots, and...

that was a dark time.

If you get on the business end of Lorraine,

she will make you her bitch.

- Ooh, I love me some Lorraine.

[chuckles]

- ♪ Okay, let's go, okay, let's go ♪

♪ Let's go, five, six, seven, eight ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

- Y'all, pick up the pace.

I'm not making you do anything I didn't already do

while you were sleeping.

Inner monster?

[scoffs] No.

Lorraine is just my inner name, okay?

I may be a bit of a hard-ass right now,

'cause I'm trying to get us to Daytona.

- [retching] - Lord--take a knee.

This is why we don't go out drinking on a cheer night.

And until we get to Daytona...

- [retching] - Every night is cheer night.

- Wait, you guys went out drinking last night?

Why wasn't I invited?

- I don't know, man.

Maybe 'cause you live 80 miles away

and you're, like, what, 50 years old?

- Uh, no, first of all, I live 90 miles away.

Uh, and I'm 36 years old.

And 22 months.

- Listen up. We got a big day tomorrow.

So y'all come rested and ready.

Come one minute late to practice, you're off this team.

A monster is more like Godzilla or "Dracala"

or my former junior college cheer coach, Marg Hargberg.

[quirky tense music]

♪ ♪

Marg was driven to win,

but she was also an emotional wrecking ball

who, every practice, made it her personal mission

to break your soul and leave you in tears.

But in any case, I have never been a monster.

And if you don't believe me,

you can just ask the people who know me best.

- Courteney is not a monster.

She is a legend.

I know Courteney better than anyone.

I know every routine she's ever done.

And I have all her clippings.

This is one of my favorites. [chuckles]

- Look, I know my team is boo-boo.

But winning Daytona ain't about having the hardest routine.

It's about maximizing points.

That is why I've hired a choreographer

who specializes in just that.

Was he expensive? Yeah.

Did Boon and I agree to dip into our nest egg

to make that happen?

Yes.

Am I gonna share the details of how that conversation went?

No.

- I have a hard time saying no to Lorraine.

Uh, especially when we're playing

insurance salesmen and sexy farm girl.

And she plays a very convincing insurance salesman.

[soft upbeat music]

- This is my very own room and my very own roommate.

- My just for kicks orthopedic boot.

The first 1,000 people who order

get a signed Krystal crutch pad.

[smooches]

Hey!

- Hey, roomie.

- You're more than a roommate.

We're gonna be like sisters.

- Aw. - Hey, sis.

How'd you like to help me

by signing some of my crutch pads?

- Yeah, totally.

- [chuckles] - How many?

- Just a thousand, in my name.

It's what my sister would do.

[tense quirky music]

- Well, then "sign" me up, sis.

[both chuckle]

[tense marching band music]

- We're about to up our game in a big way.

I've hired the best choreographer

in the world of cheer.

I paid for his services out of my own pocket.

So let's focus up and welcome

Charleston Sergeant, AKA "The Captain."

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

All right.

For the next four hours,

The Captain will be your general.

- I have spent countless minutes studying tape of you.

I know your strengths.

Which are none.

And I know your weaknesses, which are many.

Well, when life gives you poo,

you make shampoo.

- Mm.

- In a perfect world, we'd have him

all the way up to Daytona.

But at his rate, I can only afford four hours

and not a minute longer,

so every second counts.

- These next four hours will be the most important

of your life.

- Excuse me, everyone.

Due to a reported issue,

we must complete a mandatory HR training right now.

- This can't wait 3 hours and 59 minutes?

- It cannot. We got an anonymous tip.

Someone on your team engaged in an inappropriate

romantic relationship.

So the school paralegal said we have to do it immediately.

- All right, which one of y'all

couldn't keep it in your pants, huh?

- You'll have to be more specific.

- It was you.

Courteney Potter.

[people gasping]

- Courteney Potter, will you make me

the happiest cheerleader in the world and marry me?

- This is highly inappropriate, what's happening.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's not.

I'll tell you why.

I already talked to HR about it.

- Bless it, Steven!

[gasps softly]

- [scoffs] Come on. Could've been anyone.

♪ ♪

.

- All right, folks, let's give a warm welcome

to our HR trainer

who's gonna teach us how to behave better.

Beatriz Schripp.

- How y'all doing? [chuckles]

I can't hear you.

How y'all doing?

- We're [bleep] great. Let's move.

I'm s--I'm sorry.

We're just in a little bit of a rush.

And that reported romance was just a misunderstanding

and it, uh, did not happen and won't happen again.

- Unfortunately, the calls that came into our HR hotline

were rather explicit.

- Calls? - Mm-hmm.

[answering machine beeps] - Hello, this is Steven Vaughn

making an anonymous tip.

Coach Courteney just professed her love for me.

So I guess we've begun a pre-sexual relationship.

[answering machine beeps] So if I had to speculate,

it'll probably begin in one of our cars with a make-out sesh

before transitioning to the back seat for the main event.

[answering machine beeps] Hello. Steven Vaughn.

I'd like to report a post-sexual relationship

with myself.

[answering machine beeps]

- This training has a quick video.

Let's just plug this in and we can begin.

- I'll get an extension cord.

- Great idea. Thank you.

Ta-da! There she is. All right, let's shake a leg.

We're doing it.

Thank you so much, Miss Dot.

And thank you in advance for hurrying.

Yep.

- Hmm.

Oh, shoot!

- I got another one at home somewhere.

- Just move the dang TV closer to the wall!

And we'll scooch.

- Yes.

- Scooch!

- [grunts] - [sighs]

- The truth is, Prince Philip

has a humping problem,

so we're no strangers to long HR meetings.

- [whimpers]

- Praise Him. Look at God.

There it is. [applause]

- Oh. - [gasps]

- Oh! - [sighs]

- Beatriz the battery dropper. [chuckles]

- [chuckles] - Here comes a new nickname.

[both laugh]

My old nickname was Queen Bee, 'cause back in high school,

I [bleep] everyone.

[VCR clicking softly]

[suspenseful jazz music]

♪ ♪

[VCR clicks softly]

Oh. What the devil?

- Just forget the [bleep] tape, battery dropper.

- Salty language and name-calling

is not gonna make this go any faster.

- I'm sorry.

- Please, VCR, will you accept this tape

in the name of the saints?

[VCR door creaks]

♪ ♪

[applause]

Oh, Beatriz.

[chuckling] You put the battery in upside down.

Here comes a new nickname.

- Please in the name of the saints, let me do it.

- Ooh.

- Great. There you go.

- Oh, thank you. - [sighs]

[VCR clicks softly]

- [gasps]

- Mm!

- You know what? Forget the tape.

It's not really important.

- [growling]

- We know things get physical on a cheer team.

And we wanna make sure there's no confusion

and that everyone feels comfortable.

Yes?

- If I'm not attracted to any of these people,

can I be excused?

- Really?

Not even him?

- Krystal, sit your broken butt down.

Beatriz is about to wrap this up, aren't you?

- Right. After we've done a little role-playing,

uh, to show you the right and wrong way to interact

with the opposite sex.

Now, can I have some volunteers?

- Madonna, DiMarcus, get up there.

- Wait, why us? - You're closest.

Go on.

Are your ears for decoration? Go on.

- Oh, my God.

[tense percussive music]

- Hey, Mary Lou.

Did I ever tell you you're the prettiest broad

in the freshman class?

[saxophone playing sultry music]

♪ ♪

- Yes, Henry.

Um, but you know I'm spoken for.

- We might destroy the human race in a nuclear war,

so we might as well enjoy some free love like the hippies do.

- You sure are being persistent.

Let's go to bed?

- And scene!

- Yes. [cheers and applause]

- Uh, tut, tut, tut, tut, tut.

- I'm having a hard time getting into character

'cause people don't talk like this.

- You know, that's a good note.

Why don't you tell us how you would ask this gal out

in your own words?

Okay. - Uh, I--

[saxophone playing sultry music]

♪ ♪

- Just stay in the moment, DiMarcus.

Stay in the moment.

- Okay. [sighs]

- [sighs]

- I have fun with you in practice.

And even though you can be mean sometimes,

I'd like to hang out.

- Well, maybe I'm mean because I think you have potential

and I know you can be better.

- You think I have potential?

[saxophone playing sultry music]

[gum pops] - Huh?

Um--[clears throat] Sorry.

I'm done. - Yeah, me too.

- Perfect.

Because even if you like a fella,

it's good to play hard to get

because boys don't marry tramps.

Or girls that wear glasses.

[saxophone playing sultry music]

- Oh, no, ma'am.

- Oh. [chuckles nervously]

Let's, uh--let's all give it up for our Headltston players.

- Come on down. Come on down.

Come on down. Come on down.

- One last thing I'll leave you with.

I have found nothing keeps up morale

like notes of affirmation.

For example, I would write a note thanking Miss Dot

for insisting that I come in today.

Even though I said it would work much better

with my schedule if I came in next week.

Thank you, everyone.

[applause]

[VCR clicks] Oh.

- Let's talk about consensual behavior.

- [chuckles] - But don't listen to me.

Here's America's dad, Bill Cosby.

- Oh! - Oh, no.

- Sorry about that.

- Okay. [whistle blows]

Charleston, the floor is yours.

- All right, y'all get set.

Prepare for greatness.

- Let's go, let's go. Let's do this.

[watch chirps]

- That's our time. - Wh--

- Good luck.

[students murmuring]

- Oh. - Fabulous.

- Yah!

.

- Mm-hmm. Ooh, yeah!

Ooh! Look at you.

Madder than a cat in a bath.

Hope it wasn't something I said.

- Boon, I gotta figure out a bulletproof routine

for this squad or we're dead in the water.

- Baby, why don't you just do one of your routines

from your early days at SDSJC?

I mean, those teams were bad,

but you still won championships with them.

- Boon, you think I would've spent half our nest egg

on a choreographer and his dog

if I had access to those old routines?

They're on the SDSJC server, and Tammy has the password.

- I was just messing with her.

I've been with two women in my life:

Courteney and Lorraine.

And I love Courteney, but, man, oh, man,

is it good to see Lorraine again.

Mm!

And this is the longest she's ever been here.

[chuckles]

- This next product feels like

you should need a prescription.

Krystal's Botox.

They look just like the ones your moms use.

But the needles are candy.

So order through the link in my bio.

Hey, sis!

- Hey.

I just have a quick question.

Are there more crutch pads I need to sign?

Because my hand is stuck like a claw. [laughs]

- No, we're done with those.

But I do need you to be a dear

and go to México to ship these edible syringes.

- The country?

- It's what my sister would do.

Ah!

[both chuckle]

[knock at door]

- What's up?

- We're practicing a new routine to surprise Lorraine

so she won't want to throw us into traffic.

- Okay. Let me just grab my stuff.

- So you know I only said you had potential

because my brain was fried from not sleeping, right?

- Okay.

I was just in character when I asked you out, so...

- Then I don't know why you're bringing it up.

- You brought it up.

What is her problem?

- He's obsessed with me.

[chuckles]

[clock ticking]

- All right, y'all.

And five, six, seven--

- Hey, hey, hey, hey! What's going on here?

- We know you were disappointed

that it didn't work out with the choreographer,

so we came up with our own routine.

Don't be mad at us.

- Okay.

Let's see it.

- Okay. Look alive.

Five, six, seven, eight!

all: ♪ Yum! ♪

♪ It's sweet in here ♪

♪ There must be some Buttons 'bout to do some cheer ♪

- ♪ Here we go! ♪ all: ♪ Red ♪

- ♪ What? ♪ all: ♪ Yellow ♪

- ♪ Yell it ♪ all: ♪ Green ♪

- ♪ Hit it ♪ all: ♪ Blue ♪

- ♪ Slow it down ♪ - ♪ Red, yellow, green ♪

♪ Blue ♪

[upbeat hip-hop music playing]

♪ ♪

- Get it! Ha! Ha!

♪ ♪

- Yeah.

- Buttons!

[all panting]

Well?

- I love it.

- Oh, my God. Thank God.

- Almost as much as when I saw it

in the theaters 25 years ago.

- Hmm?

- Can't believe y'all stole a routine

from a movie about cheerleaders who stole a routine.

all: Oh. - That's where it's from.

We watched this movie together last night.

- Mm. - And that's probably--

- That's exactly why.

- That's probably why we thought of it.

- Last night was the first time we truly bonded.

We went from being a team to a family.

- Aw.

- You guys had a movie night last night?

Wish you would have told me.

I would have offered to host it at my motel.

I have color TV and HBO.

- Hey, why don't y'all talk about

your favorite parts of the movie

while you're doing 300 crunches?

Let me see them. - [groans]

No, see, every time you talk, bro.

- Wait, what? - Go!

[whistle blows] - Every time you talk.

- Can I talk to you about something?

- Uh, yeah, Sal, what is it?

- Uh, it's actually Krystal. [chuckles]

Um, she's a great roommate

and I'm totally lucky to be living with her.

But she's just a little bit bossy,

and I don't know how to say no.

- You're just gonna have to figure out a way

to deal with this yourself, okay?

I'm not your mama.

- I know.

It's--[sniffles]

- [sighs]

Damn you, Lorraine.

.

- Uh-oh.

I accidentally washed my red shirt

in with your whites.

[sucks teeth]

I hope this doesn't mean

you have to find justice by turning my white bum red.

But if that's the decision of the Court of Lorraine,

I'd like to make a plea deal.

- Lorraine left, baby.

- Dang it!

Well, that's a waste of good sheets.

What the heck happened?

- I crossed a line, something I never done before.

Boonie...

I don't think I ever felt this bad in my whole life.

- Baby, there's nobody harder on you than you.

I'm sure it's fine.

- I made Sally cry.

- You did what?

I'm so sorry, Sally.

I danced with the devil.

And we all got burnt.

[shuddering gasp]

- I was just so on fire to beat Tammy

and I let Lorraine take over.

- Baby, I've seen fire and I've seen Lorraine.

And this was neither.

You know what this was?

I hate to say it.

This was Marg.

- Oh, Boonie.

- Mm-hmm.

- I hate it when you're right. - Mm-hmm.

- That means it was so obvious.

- Oh, come here, girl. Come here.

Come here, baby. - Oh, no.

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. - [sighs]

There's a time and a place for Lorraine.

She has helped me win multiple championships.

But sometimes these kids need more than that.

They need to feel accepted.

- Oh, dude, DiMarcus is gonna be so pumped.

[grunts]

Op! [grunts] Incoming!

- They need space to be vulnerable.

[peaceful music]

♪ ♪

- I'm a little obsessed with her.

♪ ♪

- Sometimes they just need to know their voice matters.

♪ ♪

All right--oh, wait.

♪ ♪

That's just, uh, a little reminder.

- Thank you.

♪ ♪

- I just want so bad for my team to experience Daytona.

You know, get a win.

I'd just give anything if I could

remember those old routines.

- I know someone who has all your choreography memorized

and the outfits you were wearing when you did them.

- Seph. - Seph.

- No way. - Yes!

- Honey. - No, no, no, no, no.

Listen, listen.

I know it's weird to call your stalker,

but he's got a restraining order and the guy's harmless.

- Well, I don't know if he's even interested

in me anymore, Boon.

And I don't think I could take the rejection if he's not.

- Coach, you just gotta ask yourself

how bad do you wanna win.

- [groans] Fine.

[phone line trilling]

[sighs]

[phone ringing]

He's not even picking up.

He used to pick up on the first ring.

[phone continues ringing]

- Hey, queen.

[giggles]

- All right, y'all, before we begin,

I just want to say that winning Daytona is important.

But it cannot come at the expense of providing

a safe space for my team.

Yeah?

With that in mind,

I'd like to introduce you to our new choreographer,

Seph Marigold.

- I just wanna say

I am obsessed with getting us to Daytona.

- 50 feet, Seph.

Behind the red line.

There you go. - Right.

- Okay. - [chuckles nervously]

- All right, Buttons, let's bring it on.

[cheers and applause]

[upbeat music]

.

- Oh, hey, sis.

- I don't want to be your sister.

I just want to be your roommate.

And if that's not good enough, then I will move out.

- Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

I don't want you to leave.

- Really?

Okay, good, because...

I was so afraid to say something.

- Well, I'm glad you did.

You can tell me anything.

We're roommates.

- Hoo. [sighs] - [chuckles]

Hey, roomie? - Yeah.

- Will you take this Botox to Mexico tonight?

- No.

I will do it mañana.

- Ah! [chuckles] - [laughs]

[sighs]

Oh.

Hmm.

[peaceful music]

♪ ♪

- [whistling]