Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,770 --> 00:00:06,305
- Aw, look at my little cubs
of anarchy.
2
00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:08,374
Are you excited
about your new bike?
3
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:09,441
- Yes.
4
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:10,943
- Here you go, buddy.
5
00:00:10,945 --> 00:00:12,544
- What the [bleep] is that?
6
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:14,279
I asked for a motorcycle.
7
00:00:14,281 --> 00:00:16,715
- Malloy, we both know
you're not big enough.
8
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:19,018
Besides, this is just as cool.
9
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:21,620
- I'm a big boy.
I'm a big boy.
10
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,789
- I am not
getting on that thing.
11
00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:26,792
- Not without your safety gear.
12
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:29,361
- I look ridiculous.
Everybody's gonna laugh at me.
13
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,897
- Malloy, no one's gonna
laugh at you.
14
00:00:31,899 --> 00:00:33,198
[laughter]
15
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,633
- That's it.
16
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:35,968
I'm gonna go
set up the kill room.
17
00:00:35,970 --> 00:00:38,303
- Don't forget
your outside helmet.
18
00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:41,073
Daddy's gotta protect
his little therapy pet.
19
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:42,307
[all gasp]
20
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:44,576
- You're alive?
- Yes. Why?
21
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:47,179
- Oh, when you were two hours
late, we assumed you were dead.
22
00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:49,815
- We even wrote your obituary.
23
00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:50,916
- "steve williams.
24
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:52,985
Lived, died, fat."
25
00:00:52,987 --> 00:00:54,653
That's it?
26
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:56,155
Why didn't you list
any of my accomplishments?
27
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:58,023
- Uh, we said fat.
28
00:00:58,025 --> 00:00:59,758
- How about the fact that
I've been ranger of the month
29
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,093
For years?
30
00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:02,428
- Steve, it's about time
we told you.
31
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:03,996
That award is meaningless.
32
00:01:03,998 --> 00:01:07,433
Your medal is
a snapple cap we painted gold.
33
00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:08,834
- Oh, my god.
34
00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:10,669
I haven't done anything
with my life.
35
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:12,738
When I'm dead,
no one will remember me.
36
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:15,340
- Nobody gives a shit, steve.
I'm out of here.
37
00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:17,276
- Don't forget
your bubble armor.
38
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:18,710
- I can't breathe!
39
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:20,212
- [chuckles]
have fun, little buddy.
40
00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:21,380
Stay in the driveway.
41
00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:22,781
[crash]
42
00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:31,824
- ♪ brickleberry ♪
43
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,862
- Woody, I'm too big
for your stupid bedtime stories.
44
00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:39,898
- "once there was a man
with a big, yellow mustache,
45
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:42,267
"and he had
a curious little cubsy wubsy
46
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,736
"who kept the man's brain demons
at bay.
47
00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:46,738
"without his cuddles,
the man would have to accept
48
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:48,540
"that during the war,
49
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:51,043
"he made a functioning piano
out of iraqi teeth and dicks.
50
00:01:51,045 --> 00:01:52,711
The end."
51
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:53,879
- At least it wasn't
the berenstain bears.
52
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:55,547
I hate those jews.
53
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:58,584
- P.S. Daddy will not be here
to tuck you in tomorrow
54
00:01:58,586 --> 00:02:00,285
'cause he's going
to a strip club.
55
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:01,820
- The strip club?
I wanna go.
56
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,489
- Whoa, slow down.
57
00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:04,456
You're too small.
58
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:05,891
- You say that about everything.
59
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:08,327
- Aw, is my cubsy afraid
to be home alone?
60
00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:09,895
Don't worry.
61
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:12,297
Daddy has a babysitter
all lined up for you.
62
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:15,167
- That always works out well.
63
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:18,237
That's what I'd do
for a klondike bar.
64
00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:20,439
- Hey, steve.
65
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:22,107
Hey, what the hell
are you doing?
66
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:24,743
- I realized I have
to make my mark in the world.
67
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:27,179
If ray j got famous for
making a sex tape with a horse,
68
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:29,248
Then so can I.
69
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,282
- Steve, that wasn't a horse.
70
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:31,316
That was kim kardashian.
71
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,818
- Ew!
72
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,920
I'll figure out some other way
to make my mark.
73
00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:36,655
Hello, guinness?
74
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,157
I just broke a record.
75
00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:40,926
I stuck 39 rolls of dimes
up my ass.
76
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:41,860
What?
77
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,195
Shia labeouf did 40?
78
00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:45,731
[dimes hit the floor]
damn it!
79
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,467
- What's the big deal?
80
00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:50,636
It's called a fetish!
81
00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:53,205
[crash]
82
00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:54,773
- Eh, d-d-d-d.
83
00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,608
Where do you think you're going,
little bear?
84
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,610
- Well, man with the accent
I can't place,
85
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,012
I am here to see the titties.
86
00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:01,613
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
87
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:04,016
You must be at least
as tall as her c-section scar,
88
00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:06,118
Or else you [bleep] off.
89
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,953
But you are welcome to play
90
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:10,956
At jorge's single mom
stripper daycare.
91
00:03:15,828 --> 00:03:17,896
- Hey, look,
it's a wish machine.
92
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,531
All right, mr. No fly list.
93
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:20,866
Here goes.
94
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:21,967
[machine dings]
95
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,835
[mechanical breathing]
96
00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:25,804
I wish I was big.
97
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:30,542
[mechanical breathing]
98
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,480
Damn.
99
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:38,217
See, this is why
I don't trust brown people.
100
00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:40,385
[eerie music]
101
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:44,823
- [humming and strumming]
102
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:46,091
- I didn't know
you played guitar.
103
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:47,693
- It's what I do when I'm sad.
104
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:48,927
- Hmm.
You're really good.
105
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:50,829
Have you written any songs?
- A few.
106
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:53,332
I'd love to perform them,
but I'd be too embarrassed.
107
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:54,866
- Too embarrassed?
108
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:57,502
Didn't you shove
$195 worth of dimes up your ass?
109
00:03:57,504 --> 00:04:00,505
- Every time I fart,
it's like I hit triple 7s.
110
00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:02,107
- Maybe your songs
could put you on the map.
111
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:04,042
I got some contacts.
I could get you a gig.
112
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:06,211
- Okay, but first
I gotta drop a deuce.
113
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:07,479
We gotta find a coinstar.
114
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,416
- Morning, malloy.
115
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,417
- Good morning.
116
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:13,552
- What the [bleep]?
117
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:14,953
What happened to you, malloy?
118
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:17,189
- Magic is real!
119
00:04:17,191 --> 00:04:18,857
- All right, steve.
120
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,059
I pulled a lot of strings
to help get you this gig.
121
00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:22,761
Hey, baby.
122
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,096
It's my girlfriend's
grandson's party,
123
00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,464
So don't screw it up.
124
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:27,399
- Don't worry.
The kids will love it.
125
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:30,535
I'm doing a song I wrote about
guys who work on a mountain.
126
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:32,070
- All right.
Now go get 'em.
127
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,538
- [clears throat]
128
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:38,644
♪ mountain men
I love mountain men ♪
129
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:44,383
♪ mountin' harry, mountin' tom,
and mountin' ben ♪
130
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:49,788
♪ sharing a tent
with my favorite dudes ♪
131
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:54,760
♪ I want to be
mountin' men like you ♪
132
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:57,963
♪ they're sweaty, hairy,
and hard as a rock ♪
133
00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,264
- Steve, what the hell?
134
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:00,565
You better
play something else quick!
135
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:01,900
Something for the kids.
136
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:03,435
- Ooh, I've got
a cute rooster song.
137
00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:05,304
- Do it! Do it!
138
00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:08,640
- ♪ I'm in the barn,
I'm playing with my cock ♪
139
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:12,010
♪ all the boys line up
to pet my cock ♪
140
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:14,079
♪ he's thick, he's red,
he's got a big old head ♪
141
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,781
♪ why don't I just
show you instead? ♪
142
00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:19,351
♪ raise your hand
if you want to see my cock ♪
143
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:20,319
- Kill him!
- Let's get him!
144
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:21,653
- Run, steve, run!
145
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:22,654
- What'd I say?
What'd I say?
146
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,423
What'd I say?
147
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:25,457
They hate me.
148
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,125
Why did they hate me?
149
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,094
- Steve, didn't you think
there was something...
150
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:30,429
Queer about those songs?
151
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:32,364
- I just write
wholesome country songs.
152
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:33,432
See?
153
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,801
- Farmhand jobs.
154
00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:38,203
Come in my back door, bubba.
155
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:39,971
Riding the bologna pony?
156
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:40,972
- What'd I tell you?
157
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,441
- Hmm.
You know what?
158
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,142
I think you just need
a change of venue.
159
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:47,045
- ♪ you say love ♪
160
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:51,983
♪ is easy ♪
161
00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:53,185
♪ ♪
162
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:58,724
♪ but love
is painful ♪
163
00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:04,463
♪ but love
can make you cry ♪
164
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:09,134
♪ but love
can leave you bloody ♪
165
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,303
♪ it's not easy ♪
166
00:06:11,305 --> 00:06:15,807
♪ but love
fills you up inside ♪
167
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:18,110
[crowd cheers and whistles]
168
00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:23,081
- [strums]
169
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,483
Maybe america is ready
170
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:26,685
For my innocent,
wholesome country songs.
171
00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:28,854
And not dirty songs
that are all about sex
172
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:30,522
Like your people's music.
173
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:32,657
- And with me as your manager,
you're gonna be big.
174
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,559
- Everybody loved me last night.
175
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:37,162
I got so many high fives
and ass slaps.
176
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:38,597
Those guys over at hogg riders
177
00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:39,765
Sure know
how to have a good time.
178
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,199
- They sure do, buddy.
179
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:42,901
Now you better be
moseying on out of here.
180
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,703
You gotta practice up
for your next gig.
181
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:47,038
- Denzel booked me at
this place called a bathhouse.
182
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,707
- That's actually a--
183
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:50,342
- A place where men
can wash each other's dicks
184
00:06:50,344 --> 00:06:52,411
In a heterosexual manner.
185
00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:54,279
- Why aren't you
telling steve the truth?
186
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:56,515
- Steve thinks his songs
are all pure and innocent.
187
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:58,083
If he knew they were
about hard-core gay sex,
188
00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,851
He wouldn't play them.
189
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:03,088
- And you wouldn't be wearing
a new panda skin jacket.
190
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,456
- Aw, don't be a hater.
It's faux.
191
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:07,359
Fo-sho real panda skin.
192
00:07:07,361 --> 00:07:08,393
Ha ha!
193
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:09,394
- Listen up, rangers.
194
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:11,229
There is a problem with malloy.
195
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:14,766
[motorcycle revs]
196
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,134
- 'sup, squirts?
197
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:17,202
- Huh.
- Cool.
198
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,737
- Hey, I guess magic is real.
199
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:21,139
- Malloy, what are you doing
with that death machine?
200
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:22,774
- Shut up, woody.
She's been tested.
201
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,876
- You can't ride
without a helmet.
202
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:27,245
Do you wanna get
a [bleep] up gary busey brain?
203
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:28,580
- Don't be ridiculous.
204
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:29,948
These things aren't dangerous.
205
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,450
[motorcycle revs]
206
00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:33,919
- Oh, no.
I'll give her mouth-to-mouth.
207
00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:35,053
- That's not her mouth.
208
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,087
- It's okay.
209
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:38,123
She's dead.
210
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,760
- You okay, woody?
211
00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:44,763
- I'd be better if a giant bear
didn't maul me in my sleep.
212
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:46,598
- It stopped your snoring.
213
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,300
- Oh, malloy,
you destroyed the bathroom!
214
00:07:48,302 --> 00:07:49,768
Where's the toilet?
215
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,770
- Check under that big pile
of bear shit.
216
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:54,439
- God damn it, malloy,
you've wrecked the place!
217
00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:56,441
Is that abortia-geddon?
218
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:58,443
- No, it's abortia-geddon two.
219
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,479
- I told you
that game was verboten!
220
00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:02,247
I even used german
to make it scarier.
221
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:05,183
- I'm big.
I can buy any game I want.
222
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,651
- No more fetus games,
223
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,119
No more midnight maulings,
224
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,589
And that motorcycle
has got to go!
225
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,324
My house, my rules.
226
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,493
- Then I'll just move
out of your house.
227
00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:16,127
- Ha!
228
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:18,597
You won't make it for a second
in the real world.
229
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:21,299
You'll be crawling back,
begging me to take you in.
230
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,801
- I'll never come back here.
231
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,603
I'm done with you
and your bullshit rules.
232
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,872
- Little bear,
you have no idea
233
00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:29,407
How miserable
you're gonna be out there.
234
00:08:32,778 --> 00:08:36,615
- Whoo!
You girls are so hot!
235
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:39,150
- Okay, closing time!
236
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:40,619
Here's your bill, bear.
237
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,454
That will be $700.
238
00:08:42,456 --> 00:08:44,956
- Oh.
I am out of money.
239
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,024
- Get outta here!
240
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,627
And go get a job, you deadbeat!
241
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:50,695
- I don't need a job
or this place.
242
00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:56,201
This is amazing!
243
00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,871
- How's everybody doing?
244
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:02,207
[crowd cheers]
245
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:03,208
This song's
about my friend pedro...
246
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,676
- [unplugs mic]
247
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,311
- Who rode my donkey
all the way to mexico
248
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:07,879
Without a saddle.
- [plugs mic in]
249
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:12,517
- ♪ pedro's going bareback
on my ass ♪
250
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:15,687
♪ pedro's going bareback
on my ass ♪
251
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:20,392
♪ I said skin on skin
may give you an infection ♪
252
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:21,826
♪ but he slapped my ass ♪
253
00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:24,763
♪ said he don't use
no protection ♪
254
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:28,733
♪ pedro's riding my ass raw ♪
255
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:32,837
♪ pedro's riding my ass raw ♪
256
00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:37,275
♪ he's a real man
without a doubt ♪
257
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:41,046
♪ but when pedro's done
my ass will be worn out ♪
258
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:42,180
Hyah!
259
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:43,181
[crowd cheers]
260
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:44,916
- Thank you, everyone!
261
00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:50,221
- Hey, get off me!
262
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:51,756
- Hello, denzel.
263
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:52,791
- Who the hell are you?
264
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,392
- I'm the head of the gay mafia.
265
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,628
We control hollywood
and all of entertainment.
266
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,096
- You do exist.
267
00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,798
Fox news was right.
268
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,232
- Yeah!
They're right about everything.
269
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:02,934
We wanna help you.
270
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,236
You've taken steve williams
as far as he can go.
271
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,806
It's time for the gay mafia
to take him to the next level.
272
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:10,375
Stadiums, record deals, youtube.
273
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:12,243
- Holy shit!
Youtube?
274
00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:13,244
You can really do that?
275
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:14,646
- Yeah!
276
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,448
Denzel, you seem like a man
who likes money.
277
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:18,450
If you sign a contract with us
right now,
278
00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:20,752
We'll give you
a cash signing bonus.
279
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,621
- I am a man who likes money.
280
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,756
And do we have to tell steve
about the signing bonus?
281
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:26,625
- That is up to steve's manager.
282
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,827
- That's me!
So the answer is...
283
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:30,729
Aw, hell no!
284
00:10:32,331 --> 00:10:34,065
- This is a huge arena.
285
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,500
How did you pull this off?
286
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:37,435
- I, uh,
have a few new connections.
287
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:39,070
- Thanks, man.
288
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,739
You're really helping me
make my mark on the world.
289
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:41,940
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
290
00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:42,941
Now put this on
and get out there.
291
00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:45,243
[cheers and applause]
292
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:46,511
- This song is
all about a guy...
293
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,079
- [unplugs mic]
294
00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,681
- Who couldn't make it home
for christmas
295
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:51,316
Because the transmission
went out on his pickup truck.
296
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,284
- [plugs mic in]
- what'd he say?
297
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:54,352
- Mm-mm-mm.
298
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,621
- ♪ honey, tell the kids ♪
299
00:10:56,623 --> 00:11:01,159
♪ I won't be home today ♪
300
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,460
♪ got something to tell you ♪
301
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:07,365
♪ that's really hard to say ♪
302
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:10,602
♪ I blew a tranny last night ♪
303
00:11:10,604 --> 00:11:14,005
♪ I blew a tranny
last night ♪
304
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:17,375
♪ this might hurt you,
but there's nothing I can do ♪
305
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:20,512
♪ 'cause I blew a tranny
last night ♪
306
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:24,049
♪ I blew a tranny last night ♪
307
00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:27,652
♪ I blew a tranny
last night ♪
308
00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:30,789
♪ this might hurt you,
but there's nothing I can do ♪
309
00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:33,558
♪ 'cause I blew a tranny ♪
310
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:37,462
♪ last night ♪
311
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:41,466
All: Steve! Steve! Steve!
Steve! Steve! Steve!
312
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,201
- And I'm not
supposed to say it,
313
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,704
But george clooney had sex
right where you're standing.
314
00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:47,305
- Wow.
I need this place.
315
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:49,374
- Great.
It's a steal at 8,000 a month.
316
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:50,809
- What can I get for 4 bucks
317
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:53,511
And a rough hand job
with, uh, bear paws?
318
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:54,546
- Nice, huh?
319
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,648
Bedroom, bathroom, kitchen,
320
00:11:56,650 --> 00:11:57,849
All in one room.
321
00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:59,884
Plus...
322
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,086
Central air!
323
00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:03,054
- Uh, is he dead?
324
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,189
- Don't worry,
not murder.
325
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:05,190
Poisonous spiders.
326
00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:06,424
You take it?
327
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,593
- Guess I have no choice.
- Great.
328
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:12,230
And tell your roommate
to stop giving me the stink eye.
329
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,899
[spider hisses]
330
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,535
- [whistling]
331
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:19,237
- Wow, woody.
You're in a good mood.
332
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,005
- Why wouldn't I be?
333
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:22,707
- 'cause we thought
you'd be skunk shit crazy
334
00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:23,742
Now that malloy's gone.
335
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:24,909
- What are you talking about?
336
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,244
Malloy's not gone.
337
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,512
He's right here.
338
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:28,546
- Jesus!
- Aah!
339
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:29,748
Incoming!
340
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:31,015
Eat the women and children
first!
341
00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:32,617
Aah!
342
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:33,752
- Uh-oh.
343
00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:35,720
- [imitating gunfire]
344
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:37,288
- We need to get malloy back...
- [screaming]
345
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,023
- To calm woody down
before he gets worse.
346
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:41,726
- What the hell is
charlie doing in iraq?
347
00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:42,894
[camera clicks]
- ha ha!
348
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:45,263
We like brickleberry park!
349
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,149
- Why am I riding a guy again?
350
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:05,817
- Look, it's all cgi.
351
00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:07,719
They're gonna turn that guy
into a horse later.
352
00:13:07,721 --> 00:13:10,255
That's how they did it
in lord of the rings.
353
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:11,990
Hey, don't you think
this is kinda graphic?
354
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:13,792
- We've got a lot riding
on steve's success,
355
00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,393
So let me make this clear:
356
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,595
Go tell steve that
we want it to be more graphic,
357
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:20,064
Or you'll wind up in a ditch
with your dick in your mouth.
358
00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:21,466
- More graphic it is.
359
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:22,767
Hey, steve,
smack your horse
360
00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:23,968
On the ass a few times.
361
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,070
- Whatever you say, denzel.
362
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:28,106
- Now pretend your shaking
a thick ketchup bottle
363
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:29,407
On your face.
364
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:31,309
- Like this?
- No, it's stuck.
365
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,411
You gotta shake it harder!
366
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:34,846
Oh, the cap is still on.
367
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:36,614
Try to take it off
with your butt.
368
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:39,083
- This is gonna be a cool video.
369
00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:44,355
- Congratulations, denzel.
370
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,090
We've booked
a huge concert for steve
371
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:47,525
At brickleberry amphitheater.
372
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:48,693
- Ooh, that's great.
373
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:51,262
Now I'll be able
to pay off this.
374
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,997
- We'll need steve to debut
a hot new single
375
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:55,033
At the concert.
- Done.
376
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:57,602
- We're also going to need him
to promote the concert on ellen.
377
00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:59,337
- Oh, no.
Steve can't do tv.
378
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,605
He doesn't even know his songs--
379
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:02,707
Oh!
I mean all right!
380
00:14:03,709 --> 00:14:05,143
- Which has less calories?
381
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:07,212
The chicken-zilla
or the beef st. Helens?
382
00:14:07,214 --> 00:14:08,680
- Like it matters.
383
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,281
Why don't you just get
a yummy meal?
384
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:11,983
It comes with a mirror,
so you can find your cooch.
385
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:12,951
- Ah.
Marroy!
386
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:13,985
You mean to customers.
387
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:15,453
You fired!
388
00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:17,522
- I need this job, man.
I have bills to pay.
389
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,290
- Oh, wah.
390
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:21,459
You fired!
391
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:24,996
- By the way,
I jerked off in the silly sauce.
392
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:27,999
Enjoy.
393
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,234
[upbeat music]
394
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:30,501
- Please welcome
395
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:33,304
Country music icon
steve williams.
396
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:34,472
[applause]
397
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:40,411
♪ ♪
398
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:42,313
- Steve, you're a brave man.
399
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,649
- Thank you, sir.
So are you, alan.
400
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:47,151
- Uh, we are just so honored
401
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:50,488
To have the first gay country
music artist on our show today.
402
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:53,157
- Oh!
Kenny chesney's here?
403
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:54,259
[laughter]
404
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:56,361
- You are such a hoot.
405
00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:59,163
We have a little clip
of your latest music video.
406
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:01,499
I hope
I can awkwardly dance to it.
407
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,401
- No, shit.
Not the video.
408
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,737
- Uh, you wanna tell us
anything about it?
409
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:08,873
- I open an invisible bottle
of ketchup with my butt.
410
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:10,842
- Amazing.
Let's roll the video.
411
00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:12,010
[country music]
412
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:12,944
- Oh, my god.
413
00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:14,012
What am I doing?
414
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,513
That's not ketchup!
415
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:18,283
W-why would they squirt that
on me?
416
00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:19,918
Close your mouth, steve!
417
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:20,885
No!
418
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:22,620
Aah!
419
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:23,621
Why?
420
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,990
[upbeat music]
- why?
421
00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:29,694
- Hey!
What are you doing?
422
00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:30,895
- Kicking you out!
423
00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:33,031
You're late on your rent!
424
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,299
- Seriously?
425
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,567
Seriously?
426
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:37,902
Seriously?
- Ahh.
427
00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:39,938
- Seriously?
- Uh, yes, sir.
428
00:15:42,708 --> 00:15:46,044
- I wish you were here
to tell me a bedtime story.
429
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:47,445
- Once upon a time,
430
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:50,648
I stabbed my mother[bleep] pimp
to death
431
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,951
With a broke-off buick antenna!
432
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:55,420
Good night, baby.
433
00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:56,888
- Look, steve,
I just wanna--
434
00:15:56,890 --> 00:15:59,090
- No, I don't wanna hear
more of your lies.
435
00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:00,391
You made me a fraud.
436
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:01,826
Nothing against gay sex,
437
00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:03,428
I mean, it's on my bucket list,
438
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:06,331
But these songs were innocent,
and you betrayed me.
439
00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:07,732
- I'm sorry, steve.
440
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,400
I just wanted to help you
leave your mark.
441
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:11,069
I promise
I'll never lie to you again.
442
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:12,403
- It's too late.
443
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,072
I quit!
- You can't quit!
444
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:15,406
- Oh, yeah?
445
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:16,774
They said
I couldn't spell either,
446
00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:22,013
But watch me l-e-v-e.
447
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,481
- You're not going anywhere.
448
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,249
- Who are
these effeminate thugs?
449
00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:27,318
- Oh, uh, I may have signed
your life away to the gay mafia
450
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,453
Without telling you.
451
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:29,587
That's an omission of fact.
452
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:30,955
Not a lie.
Big difference.
453
00:16:30,957 --> 00:16:32,323
- That little freak-out
on ellen
454
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,192
Better not mean trouble
for your concert,
455
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:37,028
Because if you don't show up
with a new single, you are both
456
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:43,301
♪ dead ♪
457
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:44,535
- If I'm gonna get
a death threat,
458
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,938
I do prefer show tune-style.
459
00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:48,940
- Oh.
We've searched for hours.
460
00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:49,974
Where could he be?
461
00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:51,175
[metal banging]
462
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,643
- Stupid machine.
I hate you.
463
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:54,045
- Malloy!
464
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:55,613
- Oh,
I never thought I'd say this,
465
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,181
But I'm really happy
to see you guys.
466
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,316
I hate being big.
467
00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:00,551
- I know exactly what you mean.
468
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:02,887
- I said "big,"
not "kathy bates."
469
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:04,355
- Woody needs you.
470
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,857
He's gone crazy
without you around.
471
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:07,291
- There's nothing I can do.
472
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:09,394
This machine only grants
one wish per customer.
473
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:12,130
- I can make a wish.
474
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:14,298
[harp music]
475
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,034
Oops, sorry.
476
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,969
That's the first thing
that popped into my head.
477
00:17:17,971 --> 00:17:20,805
- Connie, this isn't about you.
478
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:23,307
[harp music]
479
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:24,909
- Oh, it didn't work.
480
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:25,977
- Yes, it did.
481
00:17:25,979 --> 00:17:27,512
Guess who's hpv-free.
482
00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:28,513
- Give it a week.
483
00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:30,014
- We need to get woody.
484
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:31,249
He's the only one
who would use his wish
485
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:34,919
To make malloy small again.
486
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:36,554
[harp music]
487
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,356
- Oh, ray-ray, you alive!
488
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:39,757
Oh, I'm so happy.
489
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:41,592
I get to kill you again,
mother[bleep]!
490
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,061
- Oh!
Ooh! Ooh!
491
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:44,529
- Woody!
492
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:48,332
Oh, he could be anywhere.
493
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:51,269
[suspenseful music]
494
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:52,904
- Say hello to my little friend.
495
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,205
- I'll say.
496
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:56,174
- Hey, the water's cold,
all right?
497
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,576
We all know I'm packing 12
when I'm hanging right.
498
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,011
Now prepare to die!
499
00:18:00,013 --> 00:18:02,013
[imitating gunshots]
500
00:18:02,015 --> 00:18:03,114
[grunts]
501
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:04,882
You'll never take me alive!
502
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:06,284
- Um...
503
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,285
Bang?
504
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:09,720
- [screams]
505
00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:12,023
- Come on, man,
you got another song in you.
506
00:18:12,025 --> 00:18:15,026
- Okay.
Okay, I can do this.
507
00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:18,129
♪ I wanna put my butt ♪
508
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:20,131
♪ in your butt ♪
509
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:21,399
- We're [bleep].
510
00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:22,900
The only honorable thing
to do now
511
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:24,469
Is to change our names
and start a new life.
512
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:25,970
- Good thing I keep
a couple of emergency disguises
513
00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:27,572
Just in case.
514
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:29,874
- Steve, what in the hell
are we supposed to be?
515
00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:32,076
- Duh.
The lone ranger and tauntaun.
516
00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:33,211
We'll blend right in.
517
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:35,279
- Steve?
Steve williams?
518
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:36,380
- Uh, no.
519
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:37,915
I'm a tauntaun.
520
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:39,550
[babbles]
521
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:42,920
- My entire life,
I've been bullied for being gay.
522
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:45,890
I was about to end it all
before I heard your music.
523
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:47,825
You're my hero.
524
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,393
- You're telling me
your life was saved
525
00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:50,561
By the song butt love?
526
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,063
- Be quiet, chemotherapy.
527
00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:54,332
This kid just gave me
an idea for a song.
528
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:55,666
What's your name, son?
529
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:56,734
- Billy black.
530
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:58,503
[cheers and applause]
531
00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:01,172
- My biggest fan inspired me
to write a touching new song.
532
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:03,407
Come up onstage here, billy.
533
00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:04,575
[cheers and applause]
534
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:06,744
Billy, I promise
it gets better,
535
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:09,280
Even though sometimes
people can be cruel.
536
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:11,249
This goes out to you,
billy black.
537
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:14,285
[soft country music]
538
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:16,587
♪ ♪
539
00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:19,023
♪ I'm so sorry, billy ♪
540
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:22,693
♪ black, people suck ♪
541
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:25,363
♪ it's not your fault, billy ♪
542
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:29,600
♪ black, people stink ♪
543
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:31,602
♪ don't worry, billy ♪
544
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:35,273
♪ black, people are animals ♪
545
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:39,043
♪ I'd like to tie them
to my pickup truck ♪
546
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:42,947
♪ and drag 'em down the road ♪
547
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:44,348
[crowd boos]
- gay riot!
548
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,783
- Get him!
549
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:48,186
- That's it.
You guys are finished.
550
00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:51,322
[crowd yells and boos]
551
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:52,323
- [screams]
552
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:54,125
- Oh, man.
553
00:19:54,127 --> 00:19:56,127
Why couldn't that kid
have been named billy mexican?
554
00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:00,865
- I'll give you
anything you want.
555
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:01,866
Just don't kill me!
556
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,201
Ow!
557
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:04,368
Cubsy wubsy.
558
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:05,503
Is that you?
559
00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:07,471
- Woody!
560
00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:08,639
Woody, I was wrong.
561
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:09,840
Being big sucks.
562
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,175
Please wish me smaller.
563
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:15,813
- Anything for you,
little buddy.
564
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:19,417
[harp music]
565
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:20,918
- I love magic.
566
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,720
[harp music]
ah, shit, what's happening?
567
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,555
- Aww!
568
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,758
My cubsy wubsy is even cuter
wuter when he's tiny whiney.
569
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,795
- Goddamn irony.
Magic sucks.
570
00:20:32,264 --> 00:20:33,864
- That was a disaster.
571
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,733
Why did they hate my song
so much?
572
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:36,767
- Don't sweat it, steve.
573
00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:38,936
You just need a change of venue.
574
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:42,840
- ♪ I'd like to tie 'em
to my pickup truck ♪
575
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:44,909
♪ and drag 'em down the road ♪
576
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:47,712
[crowd cheers]
577
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,413
- Denzel was right.
578
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:52,583
These angry cancer patients
love my billy black song.
579
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:53,784
All: Heil, steve!
580
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,853
- Hi back to you!
581
00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:57,355
- Aah!
37492
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof