All language subtitles for Last.ExMas.2024 eng

[SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING]

Because I just... I feel like
there's not enough for me here.

'Cause I feel like, you know, I'm
gonna get to a place that's much better.

-But you're gonna be so famous. Everyone's gonna love you.
-I know!

You're like a star.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

No, you're gonna make it. I believe in you.

It's gonna be great.

[CONVERSING INDISTINCTLY]

Just one second.

Oh, okay.

I missed you so much.

It's almost midnight. I thought
you'd be here hours ago.

I know. I'm sorry.

I'm still working on
my college applications.

Chicago's essay question,
"Where's Waldo?" Really?

What? I thought we were only
applying to colleges out west?

-Yeah, I am.
-It's New Year's Eve, Jules.

I wanted to spend the whole night together.

Oh, yeah? And do what?

I don't know. [CHUCKLES]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

GIRL: I gotta pee!

It's a semi-emergency.

MAGGIE: The bathroom's down the hall.

Wait. Maggie, is that you?

Who are you in there with?

Quick, hide.

-You gotta be kidding me.
-Jules, please.

If you're in there, like,
naked, give me a code word.

Say, "Naked!"

Naked. I'm naked.

Nuh-uh, who are you naked with?

Just... one of the cheerleaders.

Who? Is it Stacey?

JULIANNE: It's been two years.

You promised you were gonna tell everyone.

-GIRL: Dani!
-I'm sorry.

[GASPS] Is it Karen?

It's Karen, isn't it?

Get it, Karen! [LAUGHS]

Why am I here?

Oh, right, pee. [GROANS]

Jules, I'm sorry.

I'm up for prom queen this
year, and if people knew...

Everyone knows you're gay.

But yeah, sure. I get it.

I guess I'm not prom king material.

-Well, I...
-[SIGHS]

[SIGHS] Jules. Jules, wait.

I also applied to the Culinary
Institute tonight, in New York.

That's why I was late.

And if I get in that,
that's where I'm gonna go.

What? What happened to LA?

We had it all planned out.

[JULIANNE] It's the better school.

♪ I'm not so good With promises... ♪

The bathroom's upstairs.

Okay, Jules, wait!

Jules.

I should never have
come to this stupid party.

I knew you were lying.

You were never gonna tell anyone.

Please, you barely even came to this party.

Okay, you always do this.
All you care about is you.

Between your extra homework and the diner,

and now, apparently, New
York. I never make your list.

Why did you even want me here earlier?

Just so you could hide me in some room?

God, you care so much about
what other people think of you.

It's pathetic.

Yeah, well, you care so little.

And that's why you look like that.

Okay, people are gonna remember me.

No one even notices you.

I don't want to do this anymore.

Can we just talk about this tomorrow?

[SOFTLY] No.

We're done, Maggie.

I don't wanna be with you anymore.

-PARTY GUESTS: Ten!
-Fine.

-PARTY GUESTS: Nine!
-Have fun being alone.

PARTY GUESTS: Seven! Six! Five!

Fine. Asshole!

MAGGIE: Happy fucking New Year!

[PARTY GUESTS CHEERING]

This town was always too small for Maggie.

I hear she has auditions
lined up in LA and an agent.

Plus, being prom queen, I mean, pfft,

talk about a fast track to total success.

Who was that girl arguing
with her at the party?

What was her name again?

Julianne is just thriving in New York.

She's already been offered jobs

at three of the top
restaurants in the city.

I'm creating this shrine for her.

Every word ever written
about her is going up here.

I can't wait for her to see it.

[LAUGHS] She's gonna absolutely hate it.

LA this, LA that. It's all so exciting.

And you know, they don't
call it Tinseltown anymore.

Maggie won't stop reminding me about that.

[EXHALES] She's going
to be a star, you know?

The biggest, on the Walk of Fame.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, there it is! That's her commercial!

Maggie's on TV!

VOICE OVER: Act now and get
0% financing for up to 24 months.

Give her an Oscar already!

WOMAN: Would you look
at that? Our small town hero.

New York City's most eligible bachelorette.

But you can't keep a girl
when all she wants to do

is work, work, work.

I hear chili peppers really
spice up the bedroom.

Well, Bernie needs more spice.

Are you serious? Maggie's
coming home for the holidays?

It's been like, what, ten years?

I think so.

I don't know. I go by the
number of exes she's had.

So, like seven Xmases ago.

[CHUCKLES] This is
going to be some Christmas!

Why?

Well, Jules told me not to tell anyone,

so don't tell anyone.

I'm gonna tell someone.

But she's also coming home this year.

Her restaurant's being reno'd,

so she's finally got a bit of time off.

[GASPS] This is big.

Fifty bucks they get back together.

Wait, what do you mean get back together?

What?

-I didn't say anything.
-I'm just messing with you.

Do you think anyone can
keep a secret in this town?

I'll take that bet.

-RICHARD: Well, here we are.
-[CHUCKLES]

Well, um... not much has changed.

We painted the garage.

Three years ago.

-The same color?
-Yes.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, we're happy to have you home.

Thanks, Dad.

[CHUCKLES]

-Maggie? Maggie?
-Yeah.

Did you see? You're
front page of the paper.

Oh, my God, Mom, I
told you not to tell anyone.

GLADYS: Well, I'm sorry. I was
so excited to see my daughter.

And you know this town,

everyone knows everybody's business,

so it wouldn't even
matter if I said anything.

And that's exactly why I
don't come home every year.

You know, it's unfortunate
that your girlfriend

wasn't able to make it with you.

Yeah, well, she had other plans.

What was her name again?

It was something eclectic.

RICHARD: Uh, Moon?

No, I think it was like a
flower or something. Dandy?

-Dirt.
-Comet.

I think you're all talking about Fern.

And she was two exes ago.

Who's the new victim?

Vivian.

Did Vivian hit the eject button?

No, it was, um, mutual.

-Maggie got dumped again.
-MAGGIE: Oh, my God.

Dad.

What's that, like eight times now?

Ouch.

I am so glad I came home this year.

Well, at least you have the
ceremony to look forward to.

What ceremony?

-Mom?
-What?

It's nothing. It's a small little thing.

Don't worry about it.

You're getting a key to the city.

What? For what?

You know, I asked myself
the same question, Mags.

That car commercial was a huge hit here.

Yes.

Am I doing it right? Am I waving too fast?

-Thank you.
-I didn't take acting lessons.

Mom, when you told me
about that a month ago,

I thought you were joking.

I don't want this kind of attention.

You're an actress. I thought
all you want is attention.

GLADYS: I don't know
what you're so upset about.

This is such an honor.

They don't just give
anyone the key to the city.

No, actually, they gave
it to Joe last month,

so they kind of will
just give it to anybody.

Joe the crossing guard has been a staple

to this community for over 30 years.

Five kids were hit under his watch.

Three were not his fault.

Okay, you know what, tell the mayor.

"Thank you. I appreciate
the thought, but no."

GLADYS: Well, it's too late.

-The ceremony is this afternoon.
-RICHARD: Mm-hmm.

Besides, you're not the
only one getting a key.

So, not all of the
attention will be on you.

Wait, sorry. They're
sharing my key ceremony

with somebody else?

RICHARD: Now you care?

No. No. But who?

Sandra from the salon?

No, actually, she got it last February.

It's even better. Actually...

It's no one.

I was mistaken. That's next month.

It's just you. Only you.

Just eat your food.

We don't need to talk
through breakfast, hmm?

[MUTTERS]

I'm home.

You're late.

I'm late.

-We're late.
-I know. I'm sorry.

Last minute crisis at work
and I missed the earlier train.

TINA: I should've been
at the diner an hour ago.

Will you drop by after to help me out?

I am at your service.

TINA: I'm so sorry that I can't
be at your ceremony today.

Oh, my God. Your ceremony. You're late.

If you leave five minutes
ago, you just might make it.

Five minutes ago? Oh, very funny.

Um, you said it doesn't start until 1:00.

Also, you haven't seen me in a while.

Mom.

Mom!

I missed you.

I'm sorry. I missed you so much.

Have you lost weight?

-You've lost weight.
-I haven't.

-Oh, have you gained weight?
-No.

I don't recognize you anymore.
That's how little I see you.

We're late.

Okay, well, I don't think you need this.

[CHOIR MUSIC PLAYING]

MAYOR: And that was Ms.
O'Flynn's third grade class

performing "Arpeggio in C minor."

Now the reason why we are here.

Maggie Pierce is finally
home after ten years.

We thought she was dead.

You might recognize her
from what the Star Chronicle

calls the commercial of the decade.

MAGGIE: Oh, God, no.

MAYOR: Our second honoree is
bestselling author and our small town hero.

Please let me welcome
our key to the city recipients,

Julianne Alba and Maggie Pierce.

[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
-[EXHALES]

And Maggie Pierce.

Miss Pierce?

[APPLAUSE]

MAYOR: There she is.

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

Congratulations.

Thanks.

Wow, if there isn't anyone less
deserving of this award than Maggie Pierce.

Is this the only way to get you back here?

First prom queen, and then this?

Wow. What accolades.

Julianne Alba, I'm surprised
you even showed up.

Well, unlike you, I
actually deserve this award.

I'm the youngest head
chef on the Lower East Side.

Youngest doesn't mean the best,

so you could also be the worst chef

in all of New York City.

We are on our way to a Michelin star.

Sorry, what was that?

I couldn't hear all your lame bragging

with a giant piece of
food stuck in your teeth.

What?

TINA: They need to fire that photographer.

Attractive.

Might as well add it to
your obnoxious shrine of me.

Hmm, I think we can find some room.

Maggie Pierce.

Last time I saw her, she was climbing out

the second story window of our
house in the middle of the night.

You could have let her out
the front door, you know?

Hey, she wanted to climb out
the window so nobody saw her.

She would show up at
our house almost every day,

pretending she was returning
a book or a shirt she borrowed.

You basically had a stalker.

What? I don't remember that.

Well, you were very strict

about your study time
and not being disturbed.

I basically had to shoo
that poor girl away.

So, need me to close up here tonight?

No.

Why?

I heard through the grapevine
that someone named Ken

asked you out today.

Yeah, I said no.

Why?

He wanted to invite me
over for dinner at his house.

I barely know him.

He's been our neighbor for 30 years.

A first date is a coffee or a movie.

Something in a crowded place.

Okay, well, that is being paranoid.

What if I need to fart? Hmm?

If it's just me and him at
his house, he'll know it's me.

[SCOFFS]

TINA: What other choice do I have?

Hold it in?

Let me tell you, Julianne.

Last time I held it in,

I blew a hole right through my pants.

I nearly shattered a window.

But in a movie theater, it can be anyone.

These are the things
you need to think about.

I'm pretty sure that these
are not the things that you

or anyone should be thinking about.

You will when you're my age.

Here, give me those.

Mom, you need to put yourself out there.

I don't want you to be alone anymore.

[TINA SIGHS]

I'm not lonely.

I have you.

Yeah, once or twice a year
when I can make it home.

TINA: Don't worry about me.

Plus, I might have my eye on someone else.

JULIANNE: Hmm.

[ACOUSTIC GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING]

Where are you? Why aren't
you hooking up with someone?

You need rebound sex.

Yeah, well, I'm trying to find a temp job

because I'm so insanely broke right now.

Brooke, I think this is
what rock bottom feels like.

Oh, Baby Boo, you're
just scratching the surface.

I stopped by this morning.
She picked up her shit.

Oh, she did not waste
any time. How'd she look?

Do you want the truth or a friend?

-MAGGIE: The latter.
-Fugly.

Missing all of her teeth. Deformed head.

Like she emerged from the sewers.

Hmm. So, still insanely hot?

-Yeah. So fucking hot.
-[LAUGHS]

You'd be mad if I or we, you know?

MAGGIE: I would.

WOMAN: I thought so.

-That's why I checked.
-Hmm.

Oh, did I mention I ran into
my high school ex yesterday?

No way. I just ran into my
ex at the farmer's market.

Really? What happened?

WOMAN: We slept together.

Okay.

So, we had very different experiences.

What? No.

Um, look, I gotta go.

Just take care of my place for me.

You know it!
-[CLIPS FINGERNAIL]

[SCOFFS]

-Maggie!
-Oh, I'm so sorry.

Maggie Pierce? Mags!

I heard you were finally back in town.

I can't believe it. It's been so long.

I'm not too sure if you remember me.

We weren't really in the
same clique in high school.

I'm Julianne's best friend.

Only friend.

Lola, yeah, I remember you.

-You used to have blue hair.
-And then it was pink.

And then red. And now
it's all... Well, you can see.

Oh, my God.

You look the same Mags, I can't believe it.

I saw your car commercial.

You made it look so real,
like you were really waving.

How'd you do it?

God-given talent.

Um, how are you? You look great.

-Um, I should really get going.
-Really?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

That made my week!

A celebrity telling me that I look great.

-I'm not a celebrity.
-I can't. I can't.

[GRUNTS]
-Oh!

I saw you got a key
to the city. So exciting.

They don't give a key to just anyone.

I heard Joe the crossing
guard was last month's recipient.

[SCOFFS] Two of those
kids were not his fault.

Since you're back, does this mean

you'll be throwing your epic
New Year's Eve parties again?

My RSVP is "can attend."

No, I don't do those parties anymore.

LOLA: Oh, duh, I'm sure you
have to head back to Beverly Hills.

-Or Malibu, or wherever celebrities live.
-JULIANNE: Hi.

But if you change your mind, I'm available.

Actually, we're practically neighbors now.

I'm moving in right across
the street from your parents.

-It's taking me weeks to move.
-JULIANNE: Thank you.

-LOLA: [WHISPERING] I bought this man's old house.
-MAGGIE: Really?

Yeah, they died.

Oh, my God. What happened?

Well... technically, they moved to Florida,

but what's the difference?

Uh... Uh...

-I really better get going.
-Let's get lunch tomorrow!

I can't. I've got lots of, you know,
errands and celebrity stuff to do.

I'm not taking no for an answer. My treat.

[GASPS] Jules.

Jules!

Julie Bear, look who's back.

I know. I was just signing
some books of mine that I wrote

'cause I'm also a published author.

Town hero. Big deal.

Want me to sign that?

What? No.

10,355th on the Times
best-selling list too.

Up 18 spots from yesterday.

And if only you had a good
personality to go with all of that.

Too bad, can't have it all.

Okay!

I have felt the energy shift, and
this has now become awkward,

so I'm going to... [CLICKS TEETH] ...leave.

Lola out.

I guess this is what it's
gonna be this holiday.

Us running into each other everywhere.

It's a small town. Hard to avoid people.

Well, maybe we should try.

Look, this is my town.

"My town"? Sorry, I didn't realize
you got the whole town in the breakup.

Just stay away from me, okay?

[SCOFFS] Like I even want to be near you.

You smell like fish.

Yeah, well, it's fish and
chips day at the diner.

-MAGGIE: Hi. So nice to see you.
-STORE CLERK: Hi.

[HUFFS]

JULIANNE: What are you doing?

-[BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
-You're just always there.

♪ Merry Christmas I
hope your tree burns down...

[VAN HORN HONKING]

-MAGGIE: Lola.
-LOLA: Hi!

Come on, let's go!

♪ I hope you spend it alone ♪

Ta-da!

Lola, no, I'm not eating at Tina's diner.

It's either here or the Chinese
buffet that only serves pierogies

and has failed their last
three health inspections.

Also, I don't think Jules
is helping out today.

-Okay. Yeah, the diner it is.
-Okay.

LOLA: I am so glad we did this.

You know, I always felt a missed
connection with you in high school.

We could have been, like, so close!

Um, sure.

Mm!

[CAMERA CLICKS]
-That's a keeper.

I can see Jules has dabbled in the menu.

"Pan fried pastry roll"

"filled with artisanal
cheese and aged salami."

That's a pizza pocket.

[GASPS] Jules, hi!

What are you doing here with her?

She's one of my best friends.

-No, she isn't.
-Well, she could be.

She said she loves
you, I mean, to lie to you.

No, she didn't.

-JULIANNE: Hi. How you doing?
-You said she wasn't gonna be here today.

Did I?

-[CHUCKLES] Oops.
-JULIANNE: Our specials are here.

Let's risk the Chinese buffet.

It'll be totally cool. Don't worry.

She told me that she
doesn't hate you anymore.

Okay, that's a lie. She
like really, really hates you.

It's borderline unhealthy.
But we can fix that.

Jules, look who's here.

I'm just, you know, just... stretching.

What are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

At a diner?

Um, I don't know.

Do you ask all of your customers that?

Hey, Joe.

What are you doing here at the diner?

Julianne's asking everybody.

Eating, dumb-ass.

We're eating, dumb-ass.

Okay, this is a great start.

I thought it was pretty clear
that I didn't want to see you.

And I thought we agreed
to avoid each other.

I think what Jules is trying to say

is that she's happy that
you're making an effort...

-Stop.
- and is trying to fix that broken bond

between the two of
you. Making that first step

is the hardest.

That's the complete
opposite of what I said.

Okay, I wouldn't be here if
Lola didn't basically force me.

Trust me, I want to see you
way less than you want to see me.

Okay, and what Maggie's trying to say is that
she regrets not coming to see you sooner,

and she valued your relationship
and hopes that one day

you guys can be as close as you once were.

Yeah. Okay.

Shouldn't you be cooking or something?

We're actually all out of food today.

[MAGGIE SIGHS]

If I'm being honest, this is
actually going better than I thought.

-FRANKIE: Should we?
-MAGGIE: If you don't, I will.

MAGGIE: [LAUGHING] No more decoration.

FRANKIE: [LAUGHING] No.

MAGGIE: No, this is the bottom.

FRANKIE: Just around.

How are you sleeping through this?

-This looks good.
-Yeah.

So, you find some job yet?

No. No.

You know, the diner is hiring.

Very funny.

No, everyone is talking about you guys.

They're really hoping
for a holiday romance.

Does no one here have
anything else better to do?

No, I got your back.

I made sure everyone knows
that Jules is way out of your league.

-Okay. Thanks.
-[LAUGHS]

[CELLPHONE BUZZING]
-Wait, wait. Look.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, she really shouldn't
be driving anymore.

-We're late.
-GLADYS: Girls, let's hurry up!

For what?

You seriously don't remember
what we do every year?

-Oh, no.
-FRANKIE: Mm-hmm.

-No.
-Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.

♪ Come adore On this great night

♪ Queens and kings In glorious light

♪ And we all in fab array

♪ Celebrate with flare today

♪ Gloria

♪ In elegance-a

♪ Gloria

♪ In elegance-a ♪

RICHARD: These heels are killing me.

GLADYS: I told you to just wear your boots.

RICHARD: They didn't go with my outfit.

Okay, you know what? I
think I'm gonna skip this one.

Oh, come on. She's not
even gonna recognize you.

Listen, the faster we get the donations,

the sooner we leave.

True.

[MUTTERING]

That order was supposed
to go through on Wednesday.

I don't understand why it
hasn't been delivered yet.

You realize if it's not in by the
weekend, that's gonna seriously...

Hello, we're waiting.

Sorry, can I call you back? I
have carolers in, I hope, drag.

Sorry, guys. Running a restaurant and all.

Can I request a song?

Well, sure, honey, but
that'll cost you extra.

JULIANNE: Okay.

Since you're in drag, how
about "Last Christmas"?

-[CHUCKLES] Maggie.
-MAGGIE: What? Who's Maggie?

I'm Chestnut. On to the next house.

[CHUCKLES] Okay.

Uh, so am I not getting a song?

[CELLPHONE BUZZING]

[MUTTERS]

-Everything okay?
-MAGGIE: What?

Um, yeah.

Yeah, it was just my agent.

She probably wants to set
me up with some auditions.

That's exciting.

Yeah.

If you need help with anything,
all you have to do is ask.

Honestly, things are really great.

I've got a couple shows
lined up in the new year, so...

RICHARD: Okay.

Your mother worries about you. [CHUCKLES]

But I keep reminding her

that you're a smart, independent woman.

Not a lot of people who can take off

to a brand new city on their own.

But you did it.

You can do anything.

MAGGIE: Do you really mean that?

We're really proud of you.

So if you tell me things are okay,

I trust you.

Hmm.

When are you gonna bring
a girl home for Christmas?

[SIGHS] Mom.

What? I can't remember the
last time you had a girlfriend,

let alone one you've had
long enough for me to meet.

I work too much.

I don't have time for one.

I hate everyone.

Do you want more excuses?

You need more balance in your life.

It can't be work, work, work, all the time.

Maybe a girlfriend might help
relieve some of those stresses.

You know what I mean?

For my sanity, I'm gonna pretend
that I don't know what you mean.

I'll have to admit, it's been
a while since I've had a man.

Hell, I've been through a lot of
batteries, [CHUCKLES] if you get my drift.

I even have to get up to turn the TV on.

Please, let's not go down this road.

[TSKS] It's nothing to be ashamed of.

I don't really want to be
talking about this with you.

I just don't want you to
run out of batteries like me.

I thought you enjoyed being a spinster.

Well, who wouldn't?

I have complete freedom in my life,

I have total flexibility to do what I want,

and I have an entire queen bed to myself.

But... this time of year,

it would be nice to share
it with someone special.

What do you think of Joe?

Joe, the crossing guard?

Joe, the creepy guy
who comes into the diner

and orders one slice of
whole wheat toast, dry?

Like a psychopath?

I think he's kind of mysterious.

Sure, in like, a vagrant kind of way.

Maybe this time next year,

he might be your new... Daddy.

[CLICKS TONGUE] You know what I mean?

[SNORTS] Mmm-mmm.

-[LAUGHS] I could barely get that one out.
-[LAUGHS]

I think I threw up a bit in
my mouth when you said it.

[LAUGHS]
-[SHUDDERS] Ugh.

-Hey, I wouldn't have to be using my batteries.
-[SNORTS]

[LAUGHS]
-Please stop.

[SOFT ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYING]

♪ We hit rapids

♪ Late night caught in a habit

♪ Of trying to recapture

♪ The love we had to lose

♪ I remember ♪

What the fuck?

[SOFT CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING]

Ugh, I really waited
last minute to do this.

Um, gloves for Dad.

-Hah. Life Alert for Grandma.
-[BOTH LAUGH]

I can't believe I got slapped
with this stupid list this year.

What? Oh, yeah.

Um, Mom wants to know
what you want for Christmas.

Um, what?

What do you want for Christmas?

Um, just a second.

[OPENS DOOR]

I'm gonna tell her a vibrator.

[UPBEAT CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING]

It's getting hard to avoid each other.

Yeah, especially because you
keep showing up at my family's diner.

Can I get a coffee, please?

So, um...

How's your day going?

Oh. Actually...
-Okay, look, I don't really care.

Um, I need a favor.

-My answer is no.
-What?

I didn't even tell you what it is yet.

Well, you asked me for a favor,

and normally that's something
you do for somebody that you like.

And... well.

Wow. You turned into a real jerk.

Did anyone ever tell you that?

God.

Ugh. Okay, fine.

What is it?

Will you hire me? Just until New Year's?

What? [SCOFFS] No. Sorry.

We don't need any extra help.

You have a sign in the window.

That... is just decor.

Aren't you a celebrity?

Why would you want to
work in a diner anyways?

I need it to do research for a
role that I'm doing in the New Year,

which is why it'll only
be for a couple of weeks.

No. No, forget it.

Absolutely not.

Remember in our junior year,

when we made those special brownies

that Tina accidentally
ate and she got really sick.

We told her it was bad eggs.

Yeah.

Shame if I told her what
was really in them now.

You start tomorrow.

[SNORTS]

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Counting out the golden ticket

♪ Has me short of breath

♪ The royal mountain...

Okay. Do not close this door. Okay?

-This handle broke recently, and it doesn't work properly.
-Yeah.

♪ This afternoon

♪ This afternoon

♪ Starting fresh has me delighted

♪ Unknown faces keep me frightened

♪ There's a heart that beats so lonely

♪ I have no friends

♪ But I will soon

♪ I will soon

♪ I hear tracks on Monday morning

♪ I see ships on Tuesday too

♪ A Ferris wheel lit up and glowing

I miss the snow.

It's so magical this time of year.

[SONG FADES]

[PHONE RINGING]

Uh, where do you think you're going?

Um, home.

Unlike you, I actually have a life.

Mmm, I have a life.

A very busy, successful, fulfilling life.

And yet we both got the key to the city.

Just...

help me bring these
boxes to the back, okay?

And then you can go have a life.

Fine.

Please tell me that you did not close
that door that I told you not to close.

It was an accident.

[SIGHS]

[SOFTLY GRUNTS]

Use your lesbian strength.

[GRUNTS]

Please.

[IN MOCKING TONE]
Use your lesbian strength.

Okay, well, it's only funny when I say it.

[GRUNTS]

-I'm gonna... I'm gonna call my dad.
-Yeah. Yeah.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

It's in my coat. Please tell me
you have your phone on you.

[EXHALES] Let's go up.

Okay.

Okay. Good news is, I have service.

Bad news is I have 2% battery.

Mom? Mom!

Hello? Can you hear me?

Tina. Tina. No, no.

I don't care what happened on
whoever's got talent. Mom, we are...

[CELL PHONE DIES]

-[SIGHS] Shit.
-What?

It's dead.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I can't believe this. What are we gonna do?

We could try screaming for help.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[FAINT SCREAMING]

[DOG BARKS DISTANTLY]

That was my only idea.

I can't believe we're actually stuck here.

You don't think...

[QUIETLY] Oh, yes.

It's still here.

[LAUGHS] Is that...

From senior year.

[LAUGHS]

[BOTTLE SQUEAKING]

[CORK POPS OPEN]
-[MAGGIE LAUGHS]

JULIANNE: I'm sure that it's your turn.

-My turn? [LAUGHS] Okay.
-Mm-hmm.

Okay.

[COUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

What is so funny?

Okay. My thought process, right?

I was thinking of the last
time that we've been trapped,

and it reminded me of that
snowstorm in our junior year.

The [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
one where we got stuck

in the movie theater parking lot?

Uh-huh. And Last Christmas
was playing on the radio,

and you got out of the car

because you wanted to
climb on the roof -Mm-hmm.

And draw [LAUGHING]
a heart on the sun roof.

Yeah. Yeah. And then I got down,

and then nothing else happened.
That was the end of the whole...

No, no, no. I distinctly remember

you making a not so
graceful journey back down.

In fact, you didn't just fall
off of the roof of the car,

you bounced [LAUGHING] the entire way down.

I legit thought you might have died.

[BOTH LAUGH]

It was really slippery, okay?

[BOTH SOFTLY LAUGHING]

Wasn't that the night that we first...

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Um.

Yeah. [LAUGHS] Sorry.

[LAUGHS] Um.

I think so.

All I ever wanted was to be close to you.

I was happy even just
being trapped in a car.

I was way more into you
than you were into me.

-That is not true.
-Yeah, it is.

You were always blowing me off to do extra
homework or extra shifts at the diner.

I mean, you missed my 16th birthday

because that was the summer you decided
you wanted to learn to cook your way

through every French recipe.

I wasn't even invited to your birthday.

-Well, we were gonna meet up after.
-Yeah.

We were always gonna meet up after.

You hid me our entire relationship.

You were so consumed
with wanting to be popular,

acting like how you thought
others would like you.

That is not true.

No.

You're right. I...

I messed up.

I didn't think of it that way.

I was voted most likely
to succeed in high school,

and I ended up being the most unsuccessful.

I was voted most likely to not be
remembered at our 10-year reunion.

-Why do they even give that one out?
-I don't know.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

It's cold in here.

Yeah.

Oh.

Thanks.

I'm here to save the day!

Oh. Hah. Oops.

I'm sorry. [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
I thought this was the bathroom.

-[CONTINUES CHUCKLING]
-[RECEDING FOOTSTEPS]

What, uh...

[BOTH LAUGH]

[EXHALES]

[LAUGHS]

[SNORTS] Tina.

Man.

[SOFT ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYING]

♪ Yesterday I picked apart

♪ All we were back at the start

♪ It seemed to me long ago games

♪ What if now we're just the same?

♪ And I know that time changes many things

♪ But could it possibly change everything?

♪ With you

[SOFT SINGING]

♪ With you

[SOFT SINGING]

♪ With you

[SOFT SINGING]

♪ With you

[SOFT SINGING]

♪ With you

[SONG FADES]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Okay, I've had two Red Bulls, two coffees.

I'm gonna need another black coffee.

I feel that energy today.

-Lola.
-It feels a bit different.

Yes, pour me. Pour me.

Maggie, we are out of rye bread, if
you can let the customers know, please.

Yeah. Okay. Uh, thank you.

-Okay.
-Okay.

That'd be good.

Okay, thanks.

Uh, what happened with
you two? She said, "Please."

Nothing.

-Oh. I'm sorry. Let me get that.
-No, you're busy.

-MAGGIE: No, no, honestly, no.
-Babe. I...

-MAGGIE: [CLEARS THROAT] Sorry?
-Sorry.

No, seriously, it's fine. I got...

I... I got it.

Uh...

I think I'm good.

Maggie? Maggie!

Oh! Sorry. Jeez.

-Sorry.
-Okay, everyone knows you two got trapped in here last night,

will you both admit you slept together?

[GASPS] [WHISPERING] Oh, my God.

Did you guys...

you know...

scissor?

What? No, no, scissoring is not a thing.

What...

It is, but not in the way...

Nothing happened.

This is off limits to you now.

Okay.

[UNDER BREATH] Sorry.

Okay. I need to know.

Did you guys...

-You know...
-What?

-No, nothing happened.
-What...

No, I swear. Okay.

There was a, a moment. And then...

And then we...

"We what?" God, woman!

Tell me!
-[SHUSHES] Quiet.

[WHISPERING] Kissed.

-Kissed?
-Shh.

[WHISPERING] Just kissed?

That is how lesbians act when they kiss?

Why did you need to whisper that?

[QUIETLY] Hi.

What is with you two and
the coffee today? Lola is done.

Sorry.

Uh... I don't even know
how I feel about her.

I am so confused.

Well, do you want to kiss her again?

Yeah.

I think that might be your answer.

[SLURPS]

[COUGHS] [SPITS]

This coffee's nasty. You need
to get me a new one, please.

Just get me...
-Sorry, I didn't make it.

[WHIMPERS] This is gonna...

Jules.

Okay, well, um, I guess I'll get going.

[CLEARS THROAT] Maggie's leaving.

Oh. Already?

I'm gonna go to the back
to do some inventory.

It'll be a while. A long while.

You won't see me around for quite a bit.

Okay, okay, Mom. Thank you.

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Um...

Are you doing anything later?

I was just gonna swing by Lola's for a bit.

Oh. Okay.

I... I just thought if you
weren't doing anything,

White Christmas is playing at the theater,

maybe you wanted to go?

Yeah, I can see if Lola wants to come.

Oh.

I'm just kidding.

I would love to see
White Christmas with you.

Okay.

Yeah.

I forgot my pen.

Actually, I don't need a pen.

What was I thinking?

I can use a safety pin and my own blood.

I'm sorry.

[SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

So, I... I'll see you later.

Yeah, I'll see you later.

-Okay.
-Okay.

Bye.

[MAGGIE LAUGHS SOFTLY]

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

[SCOFFS]

Mm.

Okay. Which one?

What's the message
you're trying to send tonight?

Um... I don't know.

Let's... try to be more than friends,

maybe, if you want, but no pressure?

Aw. Babe. That is so lame.

Okay. [SCOFFS] Well, what
message should I be sending?

Like, "You've missed
out on this for 10 years",

"and I'm opening the door for you a crack.

"No, a smidge.

"No.

"I'm just unlocking the door.

"So you better knock me off my feet tonight"

"if you want to get a second chance."

Yeah.

I don't have a shirt that says that.

[SNORTS] I don't know. Halter?

- Tube top.
-Brooke, It's snowing.

It could work.

More importantly, - [SIGHS]

what are you wearing under your clothes?

What?

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

This is Julianne.

Joe? How did you get this number?

Okay, slow down. Slow down.

Is she okay?

Okay. Okay. I'll be there in 5.

Oh! Part of me thought
you're dead. [CHUCKLES]

Vi?

What are you doing here?

You didn't answer any of my calls.

You broke up with me a
month before Christmas,

when you promised that you'd come.

You made me look like an idiot.

And if you answered any of my calls,

you'd know that...

I'm sorry.

Look, you're like the longest relationship

-I've ever had.
-Three months?

And that's like 5 years in lesbian math.

I... made a mistake.

It was stupid, and...

I realized almost immediately
after we broke up that...

I want you, Maggie.

I flew across the country for you.

I'd fly across the world
if you wanted me to.

So... let me make it up to you?

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

Do you mean that?

Or are those just lyrics to a new song?

[SNORTS] I mean it.

And I may also use them
as lyrics to a new song.

[CHUCKLES]

[SOFT CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING]

Why didn't you tell me
you weren't feeling good?

I didn't want to worry you.

You tell me everything.

Things I don't even
want to know, you tell me.

It was a mild heart attack.

I've had period cramps
that were worse than that.

From now on, you will be telling
me everything you are feeling.

Always.

Fine.

Do you know who called
the ambulance at the diner?

I'm guessing it was Joe?

He also called me.

It was. He's a life saver.

One of those kids was not his fault.

[SCOFFS]

You don't need to be here.
I know how busy you are.

I can manage fine on my own.

You shouldn't have to be alone.

Okay? My work is okay with
me taking some extra time off.

So I'm going to stay here
until you're feeling better.

You are more important to me.

[LOLA HUMMING]

[LOLA SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

[LAUGHTER]

That's not Julianne.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[GASPS]

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

[BABBLING UNINTELLIGIBLY]

Who?

What?

Where?

When?

Why? I need answers.

Vivian. Everyone calls her Vi. Maggie's ex.

Flew in from L.A. a couple nights ago.

She's a Scorpio, so
completely wrong for Maggie.

I'm a Virgo, that's much more compatible.

Someone should let Maggie
know I'm a Virgo. And still single.

Vi's a musician. She's in
the band called The Sadies.

They're amazing. I have all their albums.

Like I can't even believe
she's dating Maggie.

I love Jules and all, but this girl
wants some pro-bono concert tickets.

I'm sure the entire
town is talking about it.

[IN EXAGGERATED MANNER] What?

This town?

No.

It's kind of funny, though.

What's funny?

That Maggie now has two exes in
her hometown at Christmas time.

[WHISPERING] That want her.

[SCOFFS] Want her?

Okay, well, I didn't say that I wanted her.

I don't even care, okay?

It's not like we were
even dating, or anything.

We just...
-Kissed?

I know.

Isn't that like second
base in the lesbian world?

I thought it was,

almost kiss, kiss, and
then move in together.

Whatever.

It's all over now anyways.

She's got her hot musician girlfriend.

Optics. That's all she ever cared about.

[TSKS] Let's not forget,

you were the one who stood
her up at the movies, did you not?

Yeah but, Tina...
-I know!

But she didn't know that when she
was all alone waiting at the movie theater.

[IN CHOKED VOICE] Heart. Dead.

Don't let the cool, sexy,
successful hot girl win.

[SIGHS SOFTLY]
-Look at those titties.

Did you seriously heart this?

Keep your friends close, and
your potential best friends closer.

-Isn't that the saying?
-Uh, I thought I told you to go rest.

I can handle this.

Okay.

Okay.

[SIGHS SOFTLY]

You know,

I'm glad Maggie got what she always wanted.

I'll never be the cool hot girl.

You could be, if you...

[WHISPERS] Brushed your hair.

I didn't order this.

[GASPS] The hell are you doing?

Hmm? [GASPS] Sorry. Ah... This isn't yours.

Clearly.

[UNDER BREATH] What?

Oh...

Do you think Maggie knows
why I didn't show up at the theater?

[WHISPERING] Yes.

How...
-Any or all of these people have probably already told her.

Okay, look, you're my best friend.

I could honestly tell from the
moment you guys saw each other again

that you were still into her.
And my intuition is that good.

Is it that obvious?

LOLA: You guys are adults now,

but you seem to keep acting like teenagers.

Adults tell each other how they feel.

Tell her how you feel or I will!

You okay? Yeah?

Okay, now back to me.

I'm rehearsing my one
woman play later today.

Walk, Lola, walk. Don't stop. Keep running.

Are you able to come and give notes?

And advice?

I'm... I'm not. No.

[IN SING-SONG VOICE]
Maggie and Vi will be there.

What I meant was I'm not not coming.

LOLA: Is it yes or no?

Double negatives confuse me.

Are you?

Ah, guys. Can we fix the light?

A little to the left, please.

It has to be perfect.

[JULIANNE SIGHS]
-LOLA: Come on.

Spotlight on me. Only me.

This seat taken?

The theater is literally empty.

Well, it's the best seat in
the house for the acoustics.

-Whatever.
-[LOLA HYPERVENTILATING]

'Twas Christmas eve, 1998.

It was when I first discovered my... vulva.

-And now, the dance of the vulva.
-Aren't you gonna introduce me?

[LOLA PANTING] -Vi, this is
Jules. She works at the diner.

Jules, Vi. Now let's watch Lola.

-[WHISPERS] Nice to meet you.
-[LOLA PANTING]

-[IN NORMAL VOICE] How long is this gonna go?
-Don't know.

I'm actually a chef at a
world-renowned restaurant in New York.

[PANTING CONTINUES]
-Cool.

Everyone died from food poisoning.

My mother never cooked again.

-Vi's in a band, but you already knew that.
-LOLA: It started as a bake off

-and turned into...
-They're kind of famous.

-They just sold out The Greek.
-LOLA: the first sacrificial cooking show.

I'm actually kind of famous too.

-I wrote a cook book. It's a bestseller.
-[LOLA LAUGHING]

A town bestseller. So, let's not gloat.

-And not to brag, but Vi's bank account amount...
-[LOLA VOCALIZING]

looks like a phone number.

What? 911?

Sorry, are you talking about me?

LOLA: Guys! Can you not
talk during my performance?

This is art. Art takes
time. Do not waste my time.

-[JULIANNE SIGHS]
-This is live theater, Lola.

You gotta ignore the distractions.

-Yeah. You're lucky that I'm even here.
-LOLA: True.

[CLICKS TONGUE] Thanks, guys.

Where was I? Ah, yes.

-I remember when my mother picked up the pickle ornament.
-[PHONE RINGING, VIBRATING]

-LOLA: The same ornament I had used earlier to...
-[PHONE RINGING, VIBRATING]

-Wow. So your phone does work.
-[LOLA MOANS, PANTS]

-And what is that supposed to mean?
-[LOLA MOANS]

Sorry, I gotta take this.

-I'll be back.
-[WHISPERS] Okay, babe.

[LOLA HUMS, VOCALIZES]

Just that you didn't call
me to tell me about Tina.

-I had to hear about it from Lola.
-JULIANNE: Okay.

Look, I'm sorry I was a little
preoccupied taking care of my sick mother

-and I didn't think to call you right away.
-MAGGIE: At all.

[LOLA GROANS]
-You didn't call me at all.

Okay.

Look, I'm sorry I didn't call you.

It's fine.

-It's clearly not fine.
-Well, it's over now.

[LOLA GROANS]

Okay...
-MAGGIE: Just shh!

[DOOR OPENS]
-MAGGIE: Just watch Lola.

-You shouldn't be talking.
-[LOLA VOCALIZING]

-[VIVIAN WHISPERS] Sorry.
-[LOLA HUMMING]

-LOLA: Tippy, tappy, tap.
-[MAGGIE WHISPERS] Hey.

LOLA: Tippy, tap, tap, tap.

Tap, tap, tap, tap.

-Did I miss something?
-No.

-No.
-[LOLA GASPS]

Well, Lola lived.

[SHAKILY] Lola will always live.

[EXHALES]

[GASPS]

Lola!

[FAINT MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

So...

What's with you and Julie?

Jules?

Same thing.

What do you mean?

[SCOFFS] Come on, Mags.

You two were acting like two angry exes.

Uh... [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Okay, I
would never wanna date someone like her.

Mmm, okay.

You sure? 'Cause you seemed
pretty upset when we left the theater.

Yeah, well, I thought
that she was my friend,

and she treats me like I'm nothing.

So...

Look, I don't wanna talk about her anymore.

-Okay?
-VIVIAN: Mmm.

MAGGIE: Mmm.

Um, okay.

There may have been an ulterior
motive to me coming here for Christmas.

What is it?
-[VIVIAN CHUCKLES]

So, I just found out from my label

that I'm going on tour.

-On tour?
-Yes.

So, six months in Europe and then I'm
headed to Asia for like another six months.

And...

I want you to come with me.

That's a whole year.

Yeah, but I mean, you said it yourself,

you wanted to take a
little break from acting.

This is perfect timing.

Yeah. Yeah, I know. But...

Look,

I could do this without you.

But I don't want to.

You're my muse.

I want you with me.

Are you sure you want me tagging along?

I don't wanna get in the way.

There's only "we" in this relationship.

Not "me."

I wanna do this together.

You don't have to answer me right now,

but just think about it, okay?

I don't need to think about it.

[VIVIAN CHUCKLES]
-I'm in.

-Yeah?
-Yeah. I'm in. [LAUGHS]

I knew you'd say yes. [LAUGHS]

[DOOR OPENS]
-Door open, ladies.

I hope you're joking?
-[CHUCKLES]

I keep forgetting that you're adults.

Carry on and have fun.

-Honest to God, Gladys, be cool.
-[DOOR CLOSES]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

-Sorry.
-No.

I'm just glad you're coming.

MAGGIE: Me too.

GLADYS: Maggie,

this if from your father and I.

Well, when you open it, he's going
to be just as surprised as you are.

He never knows what we get you.

Well, I paid for it.

GLADYS: Oh, my God,
Richard. It doesn't matter.

[RICHARD SIGHS]

MAGGIE: Um... [LAUGHS]

Mom, Dad, I can't accept this.

-What is it?
-FRANKIE: What the hell?

You got me socks and
underwear. How is this fair?

What is it? A car? [LAUGHS]

You live rent-free.

Maybe if you get your own
place and start paying rent,

I'll but something more
expensive for you too.

-Socks and underwear's are fine.
-GLADYS: Mmm-hmm.

Maggie, we just don't want
you to give up on your dreams.

We've really loved having
you at home this year.

I mean, we just want to help out a little.

[CHUCKLES]

-[SIGHS] Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad.
-[GLADYS AND RICHARD LAUGH]

Just promise me you'll come
home as much as you can, okay?

-MAGGIE: I promise.
-Mmm. Okay, sweetheart.

-Seriously, what did we get you?
-[MAGGIE CHUCKLES]

It's actual chicken scratch.

I don't even know how dad could read this.

All of those recipes were in his head.

I had to beg for him to
write it down before he died.

Two tablespoons of... goopa?

Guaba?

I actually think he might have made
up ingredients just to mess with us.

Knowing your father,

that wouldn't surprise me.

I've tried this recipe every
Christmas for the last 15 years

and I can't seem to get it right.

Do you think dad would've been proud of me?

[SCOFFS] He would've been
proud of you if you were a dishwasher.

He just wanted you to be happy.

-No matter what you did.
-[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

I really miss him

and his bad puns and
his long, overdrawn stories.

And his bad singing. [LAUGHS]

A voice of a dying cat?
-[BOTH LAUGHING]

Maybe we should make something else.

Honestly, it's fun to just cook with you.

Even if we don't get it right.

Why don't we start again?

I think there's some guaba in the fridge.

-I think you mean goopa? It's on the shelf.
-[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[WHISPERS] What does that say?

[LAUGHS]
-[WHISPERS] Butter.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Oh.

[CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

-MAGGIE: Hi.
-Merry Christmas.

MAGGIE: Merry Christmas. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, you finally nailed
your dad's holiday pie?

-Only took 16 years.
-[MAGGIE LAUGHS]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

Is Joe here? I heard he'd be here.

Oh, don't you dare go
home with Joe tonight.

I'm sorry. He's the one for me.

[MAGGIE CHUCKLES] -JULIANNE:
Oh, Mom. Higher standards.

Mom! [CHUCKLES]

JOE: Hi.

-WOMAN: Hi, Tina. How are you?
-[SIGHS WEARILY]

TINA: Good. Hi, Joe. How are you?

[NERVOUSLY] Hi.

Hi.

You can't be mad at me. It's Christmas.

It's like a reset for the year.

I'm not mad anymore.

Um, Vi invited me on tour with them.

And we leave tomorrow and
honestly, I'm really excited.

So...

Can we talk quick?

Okay. What's up?

-Like, somewhere a little more private?
-[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

-I'll go get some snacks, how's that sound?
-Yes!

-GLADYS: Perfect. I'll be right back.
-Snacks.

MAN: Please. Please.

MAGGIE: Sure. Yeah.

MAN: Well, I've heard
things about you, Lola.

A lot of things about you.

-VIVIAN: It's our thing.
-WOMAN: Our thing.

VIVIAN: Perfect.

-LOLA: Hey! Hey! It's almost...
-[MAN LAUGHING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

-Wow.
-What?

Literally nothing has changed
in this room. [LAUGHS]

[CHUCKLES] You still have this?

Okay, well, yeah. I'm a
hoarder, clearly. [CHUCKLES]

So, what's up?

I quit my job in New York.

What?

I don't understand. Why would you do that?

'Cause I would rather be remembered

by the people that I love.

And by strangers that I don't know.

[JULIANNE'S BREATH TREMBLING]

That's great, Jules.

-Um... I should go.
-GLADYS: Maggie! Maggie!

Wait, wait.

There's something else.

[JULIANNE'S BREATH TREMBLING]

Don't go on tour with Vi.

[SOFTLY] What?

I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to show
up for you like you've always needed me to.

You've always been in the back of my mind

and I don't wanna spend
ten more seconds without you.

I choose us, Maggie.

I love you.

[MAGGIE'S BREATH TREMBLING]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
-[DOOR OPENS]

Um, I think you're gonna
wanna come downstairs.

[GRANDMA SNORING]

-VIVIAN: Maggie.
-What's going on? [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

[SIGHS]

Maggie Katherine Pierce.

[VIVIAN EXHALES]
-Oh, no.

-You are my inspiration...
-[GRANDMA SNORING]

my ingenuity,

my vision.

I know I've thrown a lot of
curve balls at you this trip,

but... [TAKES DEEP
BREATH] there's one more.

Marry me.

[GASPS SOFTLY]

Um...

I know. You're at a loss for words.

[NERVOUSLY] I...

-Do you wanna be my wife?
-[GRANDMA SNORING]

[EXHALES] For Christ's sake.

You two are so wrong for one another.

It's obvious who Maggie should be with.

[CHRISTMAS BELLS RINGING]

[GASPS]
-Uh...

[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC STOPS]

[SIGHS]

Vi, wait.

Maggie, wait.

The amount of talking in this family.

It just goes on and on.

Can't a woman sleep in peace?

[RICHARD CHUCKLES]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] -[DOOR SLAMS]

MAGGIE: Vi!

Vi, wait.

Vi, wait. Just open the... Vi!

[ENGINE STARTS, REVS]

[CAR ACCELERATING]

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

JULIANNE: Wait. No, no, no. Fuck.

[WHISTLES]

-LOLA: Run!
-Seriously?

Go get her.

[WHISPERS] Okay.

[RADIO HOST] And now, a
radio single from The Sadies.

♪ There's something about you

Ugh! This song is good.

♪ I cannot lie when you
Walk around, around here

♪ I need to take this chance

♪ I don't want To keep my distance

♪ Last time that I saw you

♪ You gave me those
eyes And I think I found it

♪ I don't have a pink slip

♪ But please just tell
me You'll go on a date

♪ With me

I thought lesbians were
supposed to be good at directions.

This is painful.

♪ Ooh, I want you back In my life

♪ But you...

-[CELL PHONE RINGING]
-MAGGIE: Come on. Pick up, pick up.

♪ ...make everything so right

♪ I know I can keep it together

♪ Oh, I want you Back in my life

♪ I know myself best

Side window! Side window! Side window!

♪ I'm just a little, Little into my ex

♪ But doesn't that make it...

TINA: Can someone do something?

♪ ...into my ex

♪ In my defense

♪ I love my ex

♪ Oh, I love my ex I love my ex

♪ I love my ex

♪ Oh, I love my ex, I love my ex ♪

[TIRES SCREECH]

[MUSIC STOPS]

[CAR DOOR OPENS]

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
-[CAR DOOR OPENS]

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
-MAGGIE: Vi!

Vi, I'm sorry.

What is town? A maze?

I feel so stupid.

Don't.

Look, I'm sorry. It was
just... it was way too soon.

Ugh, I'm not talking about the proposal.

I can't believe I was too stupid not to see
what was going on between you and Jessica.

-It's Jules.
-Whatever.

But nothing was happening between us.

Uh, well, we did kiss.

You kissed?

When?

-A few days ago.
-Yes.

But we were broken up.

[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY] Wait, wait.

-Was this the same night that I arrived?
-No, of course not.

Wait, did you get back with your ex

the same night that
Tina had a heart attack?

Okay, first of all, it was angina

and how did this get turned back on me?

How did you fall in love with
someone you barely know so quickly?

-Did I really mean that little to you?
-No.

-Vi.
-Barely knew?

We dated for two years in high school.

[CHUCKLES] Really?

[SIGHS]

[BREATH TREMBLING]

I can explain.

And this is exactly why I
don't date small town lesbians.

It's just too messy.

Oh, please. Like L.A. is any better.

The chart looks like a fucking galaxy.

Okay, let me just get this straight.

So, you got back with
your ex the same night.

-Which means, you didn't actually like me.
-No. Uh... Jules...

And you never even told her that we dated?

[SIGHS] It's been over ten
years and you're still hiding me.

And then, to top it all off, you
have the audacity to get mad at me?

Am I missing anything here?

[SMACKS LIPS] I think
you nailed it there, Jamie.

The only good thing
to come from all of this,

is that I'm gonna get one
hell of a break-up album.

I cannot wait to listen that.

You... You haven't changed one bit.

[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]

Guys, wait.

[BREATH TREMBLING]

"How to Lose Two Girls in Ten
Minutes, The Maggie Pierce Story."

You know, maybe next year,
you can bring home Fern.

It'll be a yearly X-mas tradition.

You know, it's only fun to
rip on you when you rip back.

Talk to me.

You okay?

I think I really messed up this time.

Well, stay and make it up to Jules.

Or, if you don't want Jules,

go back to LA and make it up to Vi.

It's actually pretty simple.

BROOKE: I vote throuple.

But no one seems to asking for my opinion.

Hello?

God! So annoying.

I don't even know how I'd get her back.

And "her" is?

I gotta go.

I'm gonna miss my flight.

Wait, who is "her", Mags?

No. Wait, wait, wait. Tell
me who is "her"? Jules?

No! Vi!

It's Vi. Lola?

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

RICHARD: Hey. Glad you could come.

Happy New Year. Yeah.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

RICHARD: You guys doing
okay? You need some drinks?

-Got a drink for you. Happy New Year.
-[WOMAN LAUGHING]

RICHARD: Good to see
you. Glad you could join.

-Let's see. Hi, you guys.
-Aw, thanks.

[RICHARD WHISPERS]: I made it a double.

JULIANNE: She's in L.A.

And there's a tiny part of me that
thought maybe she'd still pick me.

Cheer up! It's going to be a new year.

Maybe it's time to get back out there.

There are a ton of eligible women here.

-Like who?
-Megan.

She just got a key to the city.

They whole city!
-[JULIANNE SCOFFS]

-Maybe they will just give that key to anyone.
-[FRANKIE CHUCKLES]

Thanks, guys. But I feel like
maybe I'm just meant to be alone.

It's in my DNA. Like Tina.

TINA: My sweet hero.

Well, I'm rooting for you and Megan.

-Happy New Year.
-[LOLA AND JULIANNE CHUCKLE]

[PEPPY CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING]

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

Two minutes till midnight!

[CHUCKLES]

-Hey, what are you doing here?
-Um, where's Jules?

Um, I don't know. She's here somewhere.

[WHISPERS] Okay.

[BREATH TREMBLING]

[CAPTIVATING MUSIC PLAYING]

[EXHALES]

I know we saw each other last night,

but, I already miss you. [BREATH TREMBLING]

MAGGIE: I made a mistake.

I am such an idiot.

Can you forgive me?

[LOLA WHISPERS] Don't go spending that $50.

[EXHALES]

I hate that I chose L.A. over you.

I hate that when I come
home, it's not to you

and I hate that I'm the reason why.

I miss talking to you.

I miss you every single day.

Babe, what are you...
-I wanna be your midnight kiss.

Every year, forever.

Happy New Years, Jules.

[CAPTIVATING MUSIC CONTINUES]

Okay, people. Give them some privacy.

God! Why is everyone so nosy in this town?

This is the phone that I had
when we graduated high school.

-You know you can recycle it, right?
-[MAGGIE LAUGHS]

On it are drafts and drafts of text
messages that I never sent you.

I thought about you a lot, Jules.

Every single day.

Actually, even after we broke up.

And I should have told you all
of this when we were still together

and when I went to L.A.

and even when we saw each other this year,

but, here it is.

I'm yours.

If you want me.

So, please say you want
me. [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

[BREATH TREMBLING]

-Attention everyone! I, Maggie Pierce...
-[ALL] Ten, nine...

am completely and utterly in love with Julianne Alba.
-[ALL] ...eight, seven, six...

five, four, three...
-Jules, you're impossible to forget.

-ALL: two, one!
-Of course I still want you.

ALL: Happy New Year!

[ALL CHEERING, LAUGHING]

[MAGGIE AND JULIANNE LAUGHING]

I just heard a rumor that
Maggie's gonna propose soon.

But that doesn't make any sense to me

because I thought Julianne was the top.

But it would appear that Maggie is the top.

Oh, I need to read the
lesbian handbook again.

That chapter about when
your ex dates your ex's ex?

That's too confusing.

Are all lesbians exes?

All of them?

Maggie and Julianne, they
moved to New York together.

And she got a recurring role
on a show as a lesbian nun.

And now, all of America loves her.

Give her an Oscar already. [LAUGHS]

If it wasn't for me
meddling in peoples affairs,

I really don't know if Mags and
Jules would have gone together.

[GASPS] Did you hear? About the Smiths?

[WHISPERS] They died.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Technically,
they're doing a year-long cruise,

but what's the difference?

This town speaks in gossips. It's
alive. [WHISPERS] It's 'cause of me.

[CHRISTMAS BELLS RINGING]

Okay, come on. We're late.

[GLADYS AND RICHARD CHUCKLE]

[DOOR OPENS, CREAKS]

I am an ugly, ugly man.

Whoo!
-[ALL LAUGHING]

I would do me 100%.

GLADYS: Okay, let's get going.

Wait! I have one more.

Introducing...

Oh, Holly Night.

[ALL CHEERING]
-MAGGIE: Yeah!

Whoo-hoo!
-[ALL LAUGHING]

You could have shaved, Joe.

[JULIANNE LAUGHS]

[BLOWS KISS]
-[LAUGHS]

[MAGGIE SNIFFLES]
-JULIANNE: Oh.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Wow.

Mmm-hmm.

So, this is every year?

[SMACKS LIPS] Every year.

-Let's do it.
-[BOTH LAUGH]

[UPBEAT FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING]

[GLADYS SINGING] ♪ La-la-la-la-la-la ♪

[LAUGHING]

-[RICHARD LAUGHING]
-[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

♪ I don't need pretty lights On
Christmas morning Round the tree

♪ Santa's been taking His sweet time

♪ And there's no guarantee

♪ That her and me Were meant to be

♪ But I've been waiting So patiently

♪ She is the reason I am
through With happiness this season

♪ Not a jingle or a bell

♪ Can make me smile Till Christmas day

♪ I'll make her mine This holiday

[VOCALIZING]

♪ I don't need sugar plums
Or candy canes to get my fix

♪ She's sweet enough To
keep me up Until December '26

♪ And she could be with me

♪ Oh, I've been waiting So patiently

♪ She is the reason I am
through With happiness this season

♪ Not a jingle or a bell

♪ Can make me smile Till Christmas day

♪ I'll make her mine This holiday

♪ She is the reason I am
through With happiness this season

♪ Not a jingle or a bell

♪ Can make me smile Till Christmas day

♪ I'll make you mine This holiday

[VOCALIZING]