Original subtitles

Idea Literary scenario

Music Lyrics

Choreographer Assisted by

Sets

Sound editors Editor

Make-up Assistant designer

Costumes designed by Photo-reporter

Requisites Costumes made by

Make-up assistants Assistant editor

Assistant sound editor Chief electrician

Sound effects

Deputy production managers Assisted by

Production secretary

Cameraman Assistant cameraman

Trick shots

Assistant director Director's assistant

Script girl

Production managers

Director of Photography

Directed by

Made by Production Unit Film Studios Barrandov

Processed by Film Laboratories Praha-Barrandov

...and that's where I went wrong

a little poetry would do no harm

About turn

Left about turn

Schulze!

Down!

Not you! Him over there!

Schulze!

Make for the tree on the horizon!

-As usual! -As you please!

Forward march!

And that's what you'll do -

till your term of service is up.

Favouritism - that's what I call it.

Patrick, fall out!

So you believe the service to be a helter-skelter, don't you?

So you think the Army's a joke?

That is wrong!

I'll show you that the service is no fun at all.

I'll show you it damn well isn't.

Attention, troop!

Down! Up!

Down! Up!

Down! Up!

Down!

Patrick! Nothing to do with you, eh? Down!

Stay down!

Up!

Schulze!

Come back! It's an order!

Schulze! Schulze!

"I shall never cut anyone's plait again."

With scissors?

-And you know you shouldn't? -Mm.

I know that feeling.

But suddenly you get an urge - and snip!

You did it once as well?

And had to stay in after school?

-It's coming to me. -How long?

Twenty years perhaps.

You are too big for your boots!

It would have to be some plait!

Look.

-I'll finish your lines for you. -Yeah.

And you won't tell anybody you saw me.

It's a deal!

Well, thanks.

"I'll never have the same opportunity again."

Are you finished?

Wagner's gone to pick bilberries, my girl.

Not without my knowing, my lad.

I happen to be his teacher.

Oh no!

-Who? -Schulze.

He won't get far - he's a bungler.

"For you voice - Alkalis Spa"

It's ten past one.

We must begin at two sharp.

I hope everything's fixed -

so we can go on the air in fifty minutes.

What about the music?

When Professor Vavari pulls the cord...

That's me?

Yes, the music starts

and goes on...

till the first speaker gets up onto the stage.

-It's clear. -I am glad to hear that.

That's all, thank you.

Let's try it then, girls.

Choruses of children sing.

Halleluiah, glory, glory

Welcome, memorial day...

-Pigtail Eva! -Pigtail Eva!

Come on, Eva, you're so stupid!

Ouch, ouch!

Hello, your autograph, please.

-Well, Theresa... -Oh, hi, Theresa...

-Where have you dropped from? -I'm working here. And you?

So my warmest sympathy to you, it is horrible here.

Listen, gentlemen. When the Professor unveils the statue,

we'll start playing.

And we will keep playing until he reaches the stand, is that clear?

Listen, don't cry.

-I'm not crying. -Want to hear some music?

-Hm. -Then pull this.

That'll be for television, I guess.

Oh! Yes!

Christ, can't you stop it?

What? What Vavari?

Why did Vavari touch it?

And where are the organizers?

Since time immemorial,

the ill have come to Alkalis town from all over Europe

to restore their health in peace and quiet.

And why Alkalis?

I'm not sure.

At least you don't look like a soldier.

But I look like a lunatic.

And they lock them up, too.

Search the garden! You stay here, the others with me.

You search the attic, we check it in here.

Come on!

Jump out of the window!

I'm sorry! Round the corner, into the garden!

Halt!

Prepare for action!

Violins, nothing but violins!

Don't do anything, please. We must wait.

How was it? Was I loud enough?

-You were fine, but it wasn't on. -How come?

We begin in ten minutes.

-But that would mean it's over. -Yes, it would.

But that would be a mistake...

-Ah...! -Ouch!

-What a fool... -Why me...

-Hey! -And where did you find it?

But I was standing there...

Pack it up and let's go...

-Lest us go! The car, quickly! -Hey! Can you hear me?

Hey! That's horrible.

Let's go.

I'm sorry to disturb when you're planning an action, sir.

No, it's only a children's' game called Sparrow.

You never played it as a kid?

No, minister, I did not.

I studied at a military school since I was eight years old.

What a pity, I must teach you then,

it's great fun.

We can play Sparrow later. Now we have more urgent tasks, sir.

-Why? -A report's just come in from Alkalis.

Some troubles in the barracks.

There's always something going on there.

Look, it's very simple.

You just move the stones about. An even stone for an odd one.

Even stones replace odd stones.

And who makes the last move is the Sparrow.

And you mustn't make a third move.

One...

In the name of the whole nation, minister...

I beg you to stop playing the Sparrow at this critical junction!

I await you orders.

All right, let's have a look.

Alkalis? Where is it?

It'll be in sector A8.

Yes, Alkalis.

It happened in this military sector here.

I know it, a weird region.

I dated two twin girls there as a student.

But I didn't know about it.

When one couldn't come, the other replaced her.

I took me six months to find out.

Oh, yes, Alkalis!

Believe it or not, it was a small pimple on the neck

that gave them away in the end.

It was there one day, and then it wasn't.

And the third day it was back again.

Well, and then again nothing.

Alkalis, I see. Who's the local commander?

Colonel Korund.

Korund, Korund. Look, Kraus, take it over,

will you?

Yes minister, but I need it in writing.

Alex, come with me for the opening close-up.

And Robert, you shoot what you can.

Tommy, you'll take the long shots.

Where is my microphone? OK, thank you.

One minute and we can start.

Well, no! One minute and we have to start.

And we'll begin with that sentry over there.

We'll see what happens next.

-What about us? -I don't know.

Thank you. Professor Vavari.

The TV van's here!

Hello, can you hear me? One, two, three...

Good! Cameramen, headphones, let me check!

No matter what happens,

carry on till I stop you.

One, can you hear me?

Two, can you hear me? Three, can you hear me?

Good.

Can you imagine our boss - when he sees our programme?

Should you need a lecture concerning music theory, -

I am at your disposal.

-Jesus, what a fool! -Thank you, I'll think about it.

May I mention it's not a matter of money in my case?

Throw him out, we're on!

-Oh dear! -Excuse me, please.

-Well, if this was about... -My scarf!

...and on the occasion of the anniversary -

of the great composer's visit to this spa -

a monument is being unveiled to him. Enjoy the programme.

Dear viewers, please forgive any technical shortcomings.

Today's reportage will be a bit! sensational and therefore off the cuff!

Hello...

The topic of our programme will be the small barracks,

but make sure you don't switch your TV sets off.

You'd miss a lot!

For instance... this soldier on sentry duty. Hello!

We'd like to ask you something about your barracks.

Here's my TV pass.

I don't think there's a reason why you couldn't let us in, or...

-Sign it here. -Ok.

Fine.

And write also: "To dear Karel with love"

Certainly, as you wish. "To dear Karel

with love." Here you are.

-And now you can go in. -Thank you.

What kind of show is this?

Do you want to ruin me?

Where's the J.S. Bach unveiling ceremony?

Stop it at once! What is it?

Wait, don't stop it yet.

But have a nature documentary at hand just in case.

The one with the squirrels!

I've got a surprise for you. Allow me to introduce

Edita and Benjamin Novák!

Forgive me, I must tell you,

I cannot entertain you,

For I must sleep, sleep, sleep.

Wait till in the morning

I am woken up by the sun.

Now I am asleep, asleep, asleep.

There's nothing here for me apart from my dreams.

Everything around is hidden in the mist.

Even my hands are strange to me.

I cannot tell day from night

I cannot see where my dream's come from.

I just know I'm asleep, asleep...

Oh, yeah!

When no one stops me

Yeah! I take sleeping pills.

And sleep, and I sleep, and I sleep.

Do not be angry with me

if my voice is bad

when I sleep, sleep, sleep.

Maybe I dreamt too much, for I was suddenly overwhelmed

by a feeling of being surrounded

by a thousand of clarinets playing.

And I sang along with them at the top of my voice

for everyone to understand,

that I know I'm asleep, asleep...

I do not know where I'll find myself

the moment I wake up.

I do not know where I am asleep, asleep.

I just know that the dream of mine

did not take place on this Earth

where I am asleep, asleep, asleep.

Somewhere in the middle of eternity I dreamt up a girl.

And since then I've been dreaming for her only,

with her only, about her only.

And so I beg you once again,

leave me alone, I have no time

now I am asleep, asleep, asleep.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Now I am asleep oh, I am asleep.

And so I beg you once again

leave me alone, I have no time,

now I am asleep, asleep, asleep!

Hurray!

Where's the staff?

The cowards! Cowards!

Excuse me.

Oh boy, what a treat, a sun dial...

-We're lost. -No, we're saved.

I know him. It's that idiot Hubert.

We used the window, if you like,

-for tactical reasons. -Yes.

-Nothing happens without a plan. Is that clear? -Yes.

-And you've seen nobody. Get it? -Yes, I do.

-Do you know what a scout is? -Yes, an informer of a kind.

Right.

Only last week the lads beat one up!

Well done!

And that'll be your job now.

Voluntarily, or is it to be an order? So?

-Oh, well, voluntarily. -There's a good lad!

For tactical reasons

the staff is now moving into bunkers.

Down, gentlemen. Direction bunker, forward crawl!

-I eagerly await your news in the bunker. -Yes, sir!

Can I ask you a question? Could you tell our viewers

what actually happened?

Well, we were on the drill ground

-and Lt. Max sent him to the tree. -Excuse me.

Who did he send to the tree?

-Schulze, of course. -I see.

A funny bloke,

-always playing the clarinet. -Yes.

And who is Lt. Max?

-Our commander. -He is our commander.

And he just suddenly ran away.

Your commander?

-No, Schulze, of course. -I see.

Well, thank you very much for your effort.

-May I? -You may.

...it's either bigger or smaller. Don't touch it!

Not this Zeiss lens, you see...

Excuse me, but could you explain it to us?

-Me? -Yes.

But of course, Corporal Kyncl, brewery owner.

-In civil life, after my Dad, of course. -Pleased to meet you.

My wife is a research worker.

-You don't really care about that, do you? -No.

What you want to know is how it all actually happened, right?

-Yes. -So I'll tell you. Here, or...

-Naturally. -Naturally, but where?

-Here. -Here, yes.

-Pardon... -Well...

Now, how did it actually happen? Schulze ran off, deserted,

that's a fact. So we created a pursue squad.

Because of pressure from above, of course.

And we found Schulze in a lady's boudoir.

And?

And I happened to be the first person to enter it.

Schulze jumped out of the window,

followed by a figure in a uniform,

probably his uniform, as they'd swapped their clothes.

Thank you.

So we pursued the fleeing couple, very hard.

And we succeeded in surrounding them both.

-Where now, please? -Here.

We surrounded them both,

but then the figure in uniform disappeared.

And Schulze started to run despite being within gunshot.

I was going to shoot, of course whilst being pressured from above,

-when I suddenly saw that my... -Thank you for your information.

-Yeah, but... -Dear viewers. You have heard

the very first accounts of the eye-witnesses

of this peculiar transformation.

And since everybody around here has an instruments

and the popular singer Edita's present as well,

we shall have a little experiment.

-The singer is Edita... -Jesus!

Accompanied by the First Artillery Section.

What shall I sing?

-What shall I sing? -"In Opera"!

"In Opera" then.

In Opera!

In Opera!

When I was very small

my wish was most of all

-to sing in a big choir. -In Opera!

When I was somewhat bigger I was told that I should rather

-knock at the door of opera. -In Opera!

Somebody said: "Come in",

I found myself within

and began an aria to sing,

about Johnny and Mary.

Now my checks all pale

I await who'll seal my fate,

but nobody moves or speaks, not even when the lights go up.

My hopes go dim,

my career in opera's over -

before it has begun.

My career in opera is over!

My hopes go dim,

my career in opera's over -

before it has begun.

Bravo, Edita!

Give me the mike, I want to say something as well.

-But be brief, please. -Brief?

-Very brief. -Hurray!

That was an unrehearsed manifestation!

An expression of joy over what happened

at our beloved barracks. Alright?

-Excellent! -Alright!

MILITARY AREA

Stop! Stop!

Back! Back 10 metres!

Hallo! How much?

250,000?

Yes, I understand. But, we did not intend to accept ads

in such an important programme.

I know, the whole nation's watching.

Well, that's the reason.

We don't wish to make money from such a festive occasion.

350,000?

Well...

But we need a confirmation by telegraph.

Okay, Lemonade Super.

Put this in the programme...

No, go to hell with those squirrels of yours!

The ad for Lemonade Super!

Okay, one more time, but slowly!

Damn it! Sit down!

Forward, but quickly!

Go to hell! I'm a driver, not a shunter.

This is desertion! Come back!

Come back!

OK? We're ready.

Let's go!

Ladies and gentlemen, let's have a look

at the conductor of this garrison now.

Or rather, at the Commander of this orchestra.

Excuse me.

Please, Gustik...

So this is your Commander's office?

Yes, Colonel Korund's.

Full of clothes, strangely chaotic.

What could be in the wardrobe then?

Clothes.

We're in luck, the Commander's here.

What entitles you to this invasion?

Please forgive us reporters a bit of spontaneity,

but the public wants to be informed.

Our viewers will surely welcome your opinion

about the new situation here. But if only you could somehow...

-Come out, is that it? -Yes.

Well...

Now...

The situation's surely very interesting,

and we welcome the transformation

of our weapons into musical instruments.

Because music is the triumph

of the human spirit.

It refreshes us. I welcome this transformation,

and I hope it won't last long...

I mean for people to understand the significance...

It is clear you're keen on music. Our viewers would also like to know

since when you love music so much.

It might not seem that way,

but ever since I was a child.

-Oh no! -Oh yes!

I used to sing even as a toddler!

And my nickname was "G clef" at school!

As you can see, your childhood story is very amusing indeed.

So I think we should conclude this interview

by asking you to sing a song for us!

I'm so sorry, but I'm indisposed...

Sing! Sing!

Alright then.

Below the blue mountains on the distant horizon,

there was a small cottage.

There we played happily as children.

There our mother kissed us sweetly...

Minister, we can't intervene. Upon crossing a certain line -

all the weapons change into musical instruments.

What rubbish is that, Kraus?

What have we got planes for? Off you go!

Gentlemen, what a blockhead!

Are you feeling hot?

Drink Lemonade Super.

He's a super blockhead!

And this is the end our reportage from the Alkalis

garrison troops, with Edith taking the salute!

Present arms!

The whole garrison is assembled for inspection!

-Thank you. -And this concludes our reportage on this most peculiar incident!

Goodbye!

Dismiss!

How was it?

-My congratulations, Miss. -Thank you.

Paratroopers!

We used to have a ball with bright colours.

And this colourful ball hit my sister's head.

And my sister kicked it up

and the ball jumped up and suddenly disappeared.

And my sister kicked it up

and the ball jumped up and suddenly disappeared.

-Where's the ball? -Where's the ball?

-Where's the ball? -Where's the ball?

-Where's the ball? -Where's the ball?

-Where's the ball? -Where's the ball?

In excitement we ran away.

Vaguely suspecting that the game would not be finished.

No trace of the ball at all.

None of us understood where the ball could have gone.

No trace of the ball at all.

None of us understood where the ball could have gone.

-Where's the ball? -Where's the ball?

-Where's the ball? -Where's the ball?

-Where's the ball? -Where's the ball?

-Where's the ball? -"Evil Dog, Beware" -Where's the ball?

We crept through all trenches of the world.

In the many years gone by.

And no one can feel our desire

to return the ball into the game.

We walk along pavements, we wade through mud.

Where the path is not straight we are happy to make a turn.

At any rate

we want to find the ball, so deceitfully and suddenly disappearing.

At any rate

we want to find the ball, so deceitfully and suddenly disappearing.

-Where's the ball? -Where's the ball?

-Where's the ball? -Where's the ball?

-Where's the ball? -Where's the ball?

Where's the ball?

-Where's the ball? -Where's the ball?

-Where did you hide it? -Where did you hide it?

Excuse me, madam, where's the Commander?

Special shock squad of paratroopers sent to annihilate the revolt

in Alkalis barracks has reached its destination, but task remains unfulfilled.

So we shall remain till things get clear.

-Supper! -Hurray!

I've been collecting your photos for so long

-and now I see you're quite different. -Disappointed?

Not yet. Are you having supper with us?

Not yet.

Here is your soup. Move on, please.

That's it... Here's the soup.

-Thanks. -You are welcome. Bye.

I must tell you that. I fired you today.

Then I took it back, of course. But if it had turned out badly...

It would have been bad for me.

Alright, so now pack up

and call me in the morning.

Great.

...she should hear me...

-I was feeling sick. -Yeah?

I had to lean against the truck, you see?

And did it help?

Well, of course, I'm fine now.

So goodbye then.

Ouch! Ouch!

-What's going on here? -Come, we've got potato pancakes and a show!

It's reserved here! Come on, get lost!

Get lost, can you hear me?

Dear friends, and now I give you

Sergeant Nikolas and his song!

I've seen you on TV many times.

-But I never believed we'd actually talk! -Neither did I.

Really?

I wish

I could see my face

in the golden plate

of his holy trumpet.

I wish

I could see its glow,

two black hands

and two white cuffs.

I wish

I could hear the voice,

so familiar to all of us.

I wish

I could play...

Hello, Satchmo, hello.

Hello, Satchmo ...just like you.

I wish

I could hear the voice,

so familiar to all of us.

I wish

I could play...

Hello, Satchmo, hello.

Hello, Satchmo. ...like you.

Do not be surprised with my courage.

And if you feel offended,

stop frowning, that is enough

as my song

is over now.

Attention, please! Attention, please!

We've got a lost cigarette case answering to the name of Karel.

I repeat: A lost cigarette case

answering to the name of Leopold.

Please kindly hand it over to me if you find it.

And if the finder doesn't want to, let him keep it.

And the next piece now: Edita!

I try to figure out in vain,

why most men

do not like to see a lady

cold and passive.

Recently one came to me,

so sweet and nice.

And really sophisticatedly

he addressed me:

You would just sit and keep quiet.

And that is not what it should be like and I am warning you.

I guess you should now that I'm going to propose love.

I guess you should now that I love you.

I do not like men

enforcing attention.

Buying happiness from women

in exchange of money.

These men are not for me.

I prefer the one

coming modestly and calmly

and saying:

You would just sit and keep quiet.

And that is not what it should be like and I am warning you.

I guess you should now that I'm going to propose love.

I guess you should now that love you.

The one who came yesterday

to the street where I live,

in the darkness of the dusk,

he was very smart.

His eyes were glowing tenderly

and he asked shyly

and when I said yes,

he whispered in a quiet voice:

You would just sit and keep quiet.

And that is not what it should be like and I am warning you.

I guess you should now that I'm going to propose love.

I guess you should now that love you.

What? How much?

I see, I see. Wait, wait, wait, I will...

Oh, I see, Diana furniture.

The mouse trap people also got moving then.

That's over 200,000.

Of course, take everything.

-One moment! -A telegram.

"Alkalis programme excellent."

"Interested in ads in similar programme."

"Implemented in the closest link with the transcendental."

"Offer half a million for six slogans."

"60-minute revue."

"Limo Super & Company."

Hello? Reject all offers.

What? I repeat: "Reject all offers."

And don't ask about my health anymore!

-Have you spoken to Theresa? -I can't get hold of her.

Jesus, "I can't." My nightgown!

Half a million's at stake, woman!

Please allow me to sing a song I wrote only today.

-Bravo! -Bravo!

The tune's well-known, so I just wrote the lyrics.

Theresa, Theresa alone,

should hear this song of mine.

The others will forgive me,

that she alone interests me,

for her and for no other

I wish to live and sing.

Theresa, Theresa alone,

is the one and only reason,

why I am now here

and proudly and without fear

singing into the wind

this song of mine.

Maybe in a year or two she'll know

who loved her so.

She'll know that love is sweet and terrible

when it's one-sided

and inevitable.

Theresa, read Theresa

the question in my eyes.

Written in block capitals

is the message I have for you.

You know before you read it,

what it is I ask of you.

At home they always wondered

why I wasn't ashamed of being idle.

But I preferred being ashamed to doing something... I know

Now I'd like to invite up here

our dear visitors from the skies. Please.

And before they sing for us... If you please.

I'll ask them a couple of nosy questions.

Well, question number one:

Do you need a lot of courage before you jump?

Yes, either that or a good push.

-And what do you think of when diving? -Of my wife.

-Excellent. And how about you? -Of his wife.

It's perfect. He's making great strides.

Only last week he still thought of Donald Duck.

And what could you say about diving or falling as such?

Today, the incidence of falls is quite varied,

as well as frequent.

Falls are most frequent in children,

most popular with gentlemen, and deepest in ladies.

We're confusing physical and moral falls now, aren't we?

There's really no difference between the two.

They both begin with attraction, and end up with...

With a smashed face.

Only the former is self-inflicted,

whereas the latter is not.

That is... Well, I'm sorry.

So let's remember the wisdom of our experienced paratroopers.

And what shall be your final words?

Well, it'll be the words in a song dedicated to a girl

-with immense... gravitational force. -Babetta!

Pass me the beer.

Thanks. Well?

Little Babetta went away and I would bet

that Babetta was confused for she left me behind alone.

She probably does not know that solo is no good for me

and that without her I am lost.

Catch Babetta so that she's with me again.

Little Babetta went away and I say come what may.

You are grown up, so go and then come back.

Every day at dusk I will remember and sing

about little Babetta going away and about my love for her.

When Babetta returns,

she will have known her mistake by then.

And she will want to keep the promise

she once made to me.

My Babetta went away and I am now all pale.

But there is still hope that when she gets to know the world,

she'll find out it's high time she came back.

I can see her hailing a cab, where is she, why is she so late?

You know, this Babetta I bet

will be back by summer.

Every day at dusk I will remember and sing

about little Babetta going away and about my love for her.

When Babetta returns,

she will have known her mistake by then.

And she will want to keep the promise

she once made to me. Ha, ha, ha, ha

she once made to me.

Little Babetta went away and left me behind alone.

She left me behind in a hurry and I do not know where she went.

But I have bought a first-class cane

and I enjoy thinking about

Babetta not knowing she'll be beaten when she comes back.

Babetta went away and she'll come back.

Maybe in seven, maybe in eight, or maybe in fifty years.

But I will keep waiting and singing about

how Babetta went away and how she will return.

When Babetta returns,

she will have known. her mistake by then.

And she will want to keep the promise

she once made to me. Ha, ha, ha, ha

She once made to me. Ha, ha, ha, ha

She once made to me.

Babetta

La la la la la

La la la la la

Attention!

Attention please! This is a special announcement!

Attention!

Dear lads, I speak to you as a friend,

we have always got on well with each other.

Let no one force you into anything rash.

Keep calm and tomorrow everything will go back to normal.

Come for a friendly talk in the morning,

for a talk with your good old Commander,

your good old Dad.

End of announcement. End of announcement.

Last post, is it? How come, gentlemen?

And make beds well tonight, it's for the ladies.

Get a move on, lads!

Come on, we're expecting ladies!

We're done, we're done!

It needs a touch of perfume, don't you think?

To make it smell better. Or not?

-Have you got it? -Yeah.

So here you are. I put a flower there for you.

-It's an azalea. -Oh, this is lovely.

No, not you.

Your room is the third door on the right... after you.

-Good night then. -Good night, Beni.

Round the corner, if you please.

I can fix your bedsheet better!

And I hope you have sweet dreams.

-Thanks. -Thank you.

-For instance about me. -Oh dear.

If somebody had told me I'd sleep in a barracks tonight in a bunkbed...

What's wrong with you?

I'm a bit annoyed, I guess.

-Well, what are you up to? -Do you want to be up or down?

-It's kind of bad. -...she should hear

this song of mine.

Theresa, Theresa alone,

is the one and only reason.

Maybe in a year or two she'll know

who loved her so.

She'll know

that love is sweet and terrible,

when it's one-sided

and inevitable.

Theresa, read Theresa

the question in my eyes.

You know before you read it

what it is I ask of you.

-Good night. -Good night!

Theresa, Theresa alone,

she should hear this song of mine.

Is the door locked?

Don't be afraid, we're on guard!

I told you to keep quiet, quiet and quiet!

and you gab on, gab on and gab on!

It's alright, nobody heard anything!

Oh, I see. Good evening.

Good evening.

-We initially thought we'd... -No. You said we'd...

-It's just a little... -Thank you.

...token.

Well, we can go now.

Don't close it! No, don't do that!

Hallo, hallo, hey! Hallo, hallo, hey!

Open it! Open it!

Here! The window!

Hey! Hey!

Okay, get ready!

I'm switching it on.

Transmission truck 25, barracks next to Alkalis Spa. Theresa speaking.

Can you hear me, Theresa?

Yes, I can. We're just packing up.

Theresa, you know I appreciate your work,

don't you?

You need something again, right?

Me? No, but you need something - an opportunity!

Stay put and fix up a revue.

You've got a free hand.

It's wonderful! But?

Yes, there is a snag.

I'll send you everything you need.

Do you agree with that?

Yes, I do, but what is the snag exactly?

There are actually three 'snags'.

First of all, there must be six ads for Lemonade Super.

I see. Six times Lemonade Super.

Secondly, no politics and no indecency.

And I'm sending a ballet troop.

There are far too many men to my taste.

And the third snag?

Well, you know I've got faith in you, -

so you mustn't let me down.

The revue must be on TV as early as tonight.

What? What?

Yes, at 9 p.m.

That's not a snag, it's a blow!

Yes, but think of the benefits. It'll be a bit risky for you, true.

Certain people at the top won't be too pleased.

So if anything transpires,

don't expect me to do anything about it.

But otherwise, there are only advantages, right?

Theresa, say "yes" and I'll send you a hundred...

Hello? I mean eighty thousand.

So tonight at nine then.

Theresa, you're smashing!

-Breakfast. -Oh, Patrick!

I've just been thinking about you. I talked to my boss on the phone,

and tonight...

I'm sorry, but it's time to get up.

Thank you.

What the hell are you doing here? What's the meaning of this?

You'll hear about this!

Get lost!

This was the first time

I'd volunteered to be on guard.

What is that?

Alarm!

Colonel Foller, Colonel Schling, Major Lang. If you please.

Have you got an explanation, professor?

No.

Attention!

Have you ever worked with such a disciplined ensemble?

Soldiers, there will be a revue on TV

tonight at 9 p.m.

A most exciting programme!

So we're going to watch it!

No, quite to the contrary, you will be the performers!

Out of 100 minutes of the programme 75 are yours.

Everyone who can perform, please step forth!

Well, what a promising start.

Don't worry, they're only shy.

Soldiers! Attention!

Those who can perform, left turn! Those who can't, right turn!

Forward march!

-We're going that way! -You're wrong!

They've just said so...

Those who can do something should go that way.

No, they should go to the left!

"No cameras!"

Absolutely not, strict orders, no entry!

We're to perform there tonight,

-it's for a TV show! -A TV show?

Out of the question!

Look, it's not possible, ladies! Now stop it, please!

Welcome, come in, welcome.

Splendid, excellent!

-Well, what can you do? -Nothing.

The Violin company then.

Here, you need a bow as well.

-What about you? -He's my pal.

He's a great mimic, he can make owl sounds. Show them!

It looks interesting, but I can't hear anything.

He did it so well only yesterday. Come on!

Sorry, we have no time. The Violin company.

He really did it so well. What's wrong with you?

Is it stage fright or what?

Quiet, please! We're working!

I've seen you on TV so many times,

but I never thought I'd actually talk to you.

Haven't you told me that before?

Bloody hell. I thought it sounded familiar.

So what can you do?

Gentlemen, no way!

No, by no means!

-It's not true... -I disagree...

What are we to do then?

Capitulate?

Who said that? Did anyone say "capitulate"?

No, of course not. Nobody would dare to say it.

What are you waiting for? Where's some action?

Well, we've got nothing to go into action with.

-Why's that? -There's something's wrong with our weapons.

So what? Take a leaf out of history books.

There were no machine guns or tanks in the Stone Age

and how well they fought!

Stones, gravity and a pinch of Neanderthal common sense,

which you evidently lack, should completely suffice.

-I have a plan. -Really?

The main convention up here...

-Have you seen Vagner? -Who's he?

A boy.

-Peep! -You're robbers?

No, we're just uncles, you see?

I seem to know that one. Aren't you Giant Matthew?

The giant that devours sheep.

-Do you devour sheep? -Yes, he does!

-Indeed he does! -Oh, what lovely toys!

No, don't do that, girlie. It's only for us uncles, you see?

Well, let's sing a song then.

Do you know the song "Where're you running to, old snail?"

Alright, we'll sing the song with you, little girl,

"Where're you running to, old slug?"

"Old snail!"

Well, old snail, yes. Old snail.

-Old snail. -If you promise not to tell anyone

-about us being here at all, okay? -Alright, if it's so important to you.

Gentlemen!

Where are you running to, old snail? You cannot catch your breath.

Return to your meadow and do not spit on the path.

La, la, la, la...

Yeah!

-Feeling sick again? -Well...

I'm off duty, so I'm waiting for the library to open.

-I see, the library... -Well.

But the library's over there.

Oh.

Then I am actually sick. Ouch...

One more time then.

One.

Two.

Three.

You see, it's not bad if you try.

Tonight at 9 p.m., Alkalis barracks!

Do not miss tonight's unique event!

I repeat,

Tonight at 9 p.m., Alkalis barracks!

Girls! Girls!

What's wrong, soldier boy?

I beg your pardon!

And now all the three notes together.

Attention! One.

Two. Three.

You see? You can do it if you try! One more time then.

Tiptoe not to wake

the girl who, as you know,

has not left

her house for so long.

Who knows what's wrong with her.

Who knows what's wrong with her.

That she has not left her house for so long.

Tiptoe not to wake

the mercury soaring up and up.

Even though yesterday it still

cowered so modestly in the corner.

It's bad

when there's an illness in the house.

It's bad

when there's an illness in the house

where someone lives alone.

High fever takes the girl

away into infinite blue-grey gardens

where her hand nearly touches

the places from where there is no return.

Tiptoe not to wake

the house, the garden and the bars.

The pale window's

missing something

and so is the one not leaving the house.

And the one, the one, the one,

not leaving the house.

Not leaving the house for so long.

Good morning. I'm sorry.

-He can do it now. -Alright.

Have you lost something, little one?

Well, I'm of medium height, in fact. And I'm looking for Miss Theresa.

We still don't know what we'll sing.

Oh, can you sing already?

Of course. I'm in the choir.

Well, you're a born soloist, I can see that!

Where are you dragging the boat, captain?

Do not climb the stairs with it, sir.

You will wake up the tenants.

In the basement, on the floor,

the caretaker will scold you,

for he is a giant.

Look, you have hit the railing

with the anchor.

Beware! Or I will tear your overalls.

Keep your jokes to yourself.

And return to the Mississippi.

The boat needs water from the morning till the evening,

splashing and splashing.

And splashing and splashing.

And splashing and splashing.

And splashing and splashing.

I wouldn't want that on TV.

Only it's not for you to decide.

Did you like it? It's our boarding school anthem.

We should have stood to attention then!

Oh no, it's just silly lyrics to a silly tune.

Ok, thank you.

Next one, please.

Gentlemen!

First of all, we surround the provocation area.

Then we wait in preliminary position

in order to observe enemy's preparations.

At zero hour, which cannot be estimated in advance,

our unit penetrates the object

from the rear, gentlemen.

All performers have to be annihilated.

It will be mainly a matter of fisticuffs.

Women are to be moved and guarded

in Area W.

Electricity supply will be cut off.

The area will be cleared up within zero hour II,

then reoccupied

and secured from any potential counter-attack.

First operational officer. Second operational officer.

Third operational officer.

Communications, rear guard commander,

supplies commander. Commander-in-chief and director

of operations is none other but myself, gentlemen.

But I don't really know who our men are.

"Our men" is Private Hubert.

Private Hubert!

Yes, sir!

Private Hubert,

you'll carry out an important operation today.

At 19.00 you'll surround the barracks building

and gain a complete picture of enemy preparations.

You'll need it for further actions.

This is the plan.

If they catch you, not a word,

-do you understand? -No, not even under torture!

There won't be any torture, just make sure you don't gab!

Swear!

I swear not to gab and behave in accordance

with my country's expectations.

March on!

About turn!

Cross! Cross!

About turn!

One, two, three!

One more time. Pay attention!

March on!

About turn!

Cross! Cross!

About turn!

One, two, three!

Now try it alone.

March on!

That's clear, girls! A couple of steps...

-About turn! -Eight.

Eight. Puete, puete...

-Three! -...sautee, position one, passee...

-About turn! -...walk on...

-One, two, three! -...and a parody of a pirouette.

Well, it should be alright now. Let's go.

March on!

About turn!

Cross! Cross!

About turn!

One, two, three!

Bloody hell, I said only in emergency!

Ministry of Defence.

That yesterday's reportage of yours was over the top,

but what you're planning for tonight is an actual insult to our Army!

I forbid you most explicitly

to carry out such provocation!

Allow me to remind you, minister,

that we are an independent TV station.

Excuse me?

Of course. I respect your decision.

Were we under the Ministry of Defence,

we would definitely obey your order.

But in this situation, you'll have to excuse us.

We could sing for an hour.

"A Nosegay of Flowers", "Choruses of Children Sing in Glory"

"You are like a Bird", "Song of my Country..."

-And your school anthem, right? -Yes!

No, that's only for us.

-I love seeing you on TV. -Yeah?

Only at home my parents always switch you off.

They say you're too flighty.

I still don't know what to put on these girls.

Well, such pretty girls...

-They don't really need anything. -Come on, we'll think of something.

It's a quarter to six, it's a quarter to a lot.

A quarter to too much.

Well, girls, show us what you can do.

-Let's go, let's go! -Oh lovely, how lovely!

Choruses of girls sing in glory:

Halleluiah, glory, glory

welcome, glorious day.

Glory, glory, halleluiah Glory, halleluiah

Glory, glory, hallelujah Glory, halleluiah

Glory, glory, halleluiah Glory, halleluiah

Glory, glory, hallelujah Glory, halleluiah...

I've found this costume.

It looks ridiculous, but that's the general idea, isn't it?

What do you say to that?

Take it off this minute!

I thought it'd be funny...

Off with it!

Anybody got a lighter?

Here.

Thanks.

Get lost!

Well, as an amateur director,

I've had a number of productions

and I consider them both successful.

For instance, my Hamlet for Kiddies, with Mickey Mouse in the main role.

Is this better?

Yes, I'll take it.

Let's go.

Prepare camera three.

Take a seat, director.

Cut.

Let's hope he'll follow my instructions.

Stop! You bungler!

Where does the arrow come from?

-From the right. -The whole sentence!

The arrow comes from the right.

And where did you come from?

Oh, yes, it was a mistake!

So let's do it!

Sometimes I think that love is so remote

I do not eat, I do not sing and my knees are shaking

The feeling fades away like mist whenever I see you

and my soul is at peace

I believe to be a butterfly thinking stubbornly

that it is no fun to be flying from one flower to another

And that is why he's decided for the most beautiful of flowers

and wants to live for it alone

Perhaps I said

more than I meant to.

That is life.

It is because

I know

that you are the one.

-My head goes round... -Perhaps because of the lilac.

And you would like to write poems with an eyebrow pencil.

All that will have the same reason known to me for a long time

that love creates sleepless nights.

Now, now, now...

I believe to be a butterfly thinking stubbornly

that it is no fun to be flying from one flower to another.

And that is why he's decided for the most beautiful of flowers

and wants to live for it alone.

Perhaps you said

more than you meant to.

That is life.

It is because

that I know

that you are the one.

Your head goes round, perhaps because of the lilac.

And you would like to write poems with an eyebrow pencil.

All that will have the same reason known to me for a long time

that love creates sleepless nights.

-That love creates -Yes, sir.

-creates sleepless nights... -Yes, sir.

Oh yes, my baby.

I'm sorry.

Can we help you?

I've thought it all well over, and I'd like to work with you.

I never despised music, quite to the contrary.

So perhaps I could be of some use.

I believe you could.

You could bring us some food.

Copy that!

Who was that?

Attention!

I have my doubts to be honest.

Minister, special task force awaiting orders!

Dismiss!

Sir, these boys know their job.

Excuse me.

It was them some years ago...

Oh really?

-You don't say so! -Yes.

It's dangerous to touch the stars

fallen to the ground, fallen from heaven.

It's dangerous to touch you.

The stars read

why I go to bed with sorrow in the evening...

-Why, why, why? -Why I cry when I wake up...

-Why, why? -and why no one loves me.

Why I say to myself so often

that I must get married soon.

-And why I do not lock my door -In the night.

-in the night. -In the night.

Even though I know I should be afraid.

Stop!

Beni, it's a bit too high!

Saxy to the left.

Claudia, watch the red light. please.

I know, the red light...

Yes, and keep an eye on her, - it's her first time on camera.

And complete silence, please!

And now we're shooting the rehearsal, alright?

All set!

It's dangerous to touch the stars

fallen to the ground fallen from heaven.

It's dangerous to touch you.

The stars read

why I go to bed with sorrow in the evening...

-Why, why, why? -Why I cry when I wake up

-Why, why? -and why no one loves me.

Why I say to myself so often

that I must get married soon.

-And why I do not lock my door -In the night.

-in the night. -In the night.

Even though I know that I should be afraid.

It's dangerous to touch the stars

fallen to the ground, fallen from heaven.

It's dangerous to touch you...

Plunging into danger is an honour for us.

Today we must touch the stars together.

Today we must

touch the stars together.

And now let's see what you've learnt.

Please...

Splendid! Carry on.

What do you mean?

Keep on playing.

-That's all? -That's all.

This is the finale, clearly! Dismiss!

Theresa...

Well, television, that's something, isn't it?

Would you like some coffee?

Yes, I would, and Theresa too.

Burnus is my name.

Here's a letter for you from our boss.

He should know by now how to spell my name.

Since when has he been so offish?

We're to put you in the programme at any cost.

-That was his express wish. -Okay, go on then.

Thank you.

-Well, our supper's gone. -But at least we have a clown.

Well, I must tick this first,

I wouldn't see it later.

Alright.

Gentlemen, Hubert has completed his task.

I think luck is on our side.

You can watch a great documentary on TV tonight, about the life of squirrels.

With all the squirrels drinking Lemonade Super!

Maybe it's better this way. A revue in one day is just crazy.

No worries, power will be back on in one hour.

But that's too late, right?

Come out, all of you, we've got light!

Switch in on! Good!

Don't worry about it, fun is all that matters.

And now this.

I always loved clowns as a boy.

Horses, lions, acrobats...

Nothing interested me as much

as clowns.

Ladies and gentlemen, before we watch-

Theresa's Revue from Alkalis Barracks, which begins in one minute,

please let me...

The TV set's broken down again.

Attention!

We ask all performers to get ready.

We begin in one minute!

Attention! We begin in one minute!

Good evening to all TV viewers.

Allow me to pay a silent tribute

to a man whom we must thank most of all

for keeping the world in order.

Thank you.

I have in mind the inventor of barbed wire. His discovery

assigns people to their restricted areas quietly and without fuss.

Another inventor, on the other hand,

devoted his talents to chaos and confusion

by inventing wireless communication,

which in fact ignores the barrier of barbed wire.

I'd like to run out and meet you, you know,

only I'd probably tear my dress,

as the former invention is all around me now.

But in the building behind me

there are a thousand clarinets now.

I'm so happy about the clarinets.

If they were actually guns,

I'd probably be afraid.

To put it shortly,

tonight I'm happy that I don't need to be afraid.

But forgive me, I nearly forgot something very important.

I drink Lemonade Super every single day!

It's refreshing and tastes delicious!

May today's programme

be huge success,

and every song we sing sound great,

that is what matters! Yeah!

Turn the spotlights on so that the world can see us.

Alcohol is a whip, three plus two is five.

That's why we like drinking

the delicious Super Lemonades.

We think about our pockets and we buy it cheap.

We won't become alcoholics, and will have change for cinema tickets.

La la la la la la

La la la la la la

Who calls a hen a dickey-bird

and then cuts off its head,

he should not listen to our jokes, for it would not be decent of him.

We are not advocates of hens.

We only think it nice

to nest foolish ideas

under our caps.

Foolish ideas. Foolish ideas.

Foolish ideas. Foolish ideas...

We're lost! We're lost!

Gentlemen, come and have a look!

The second one from the right, by Jove!

What lovely thighs! What a treat!

Wait, I can't see!

-How lovely! -That's something!

Having that at home...

It's like in the cinema once...

Music?

Do you know what music is?

Music, you know, is just one thing.

And that's blues!

Sorry. I mean "boom"!

Boom! Rhapsody in boom!

All the melodies in the world reduced to a single boom!

Boom! Did you hear that?

That was concentrated Lehar!

Don't laugh, you Barbarians! What could be lovelier?

War has the most complicated rhythms in the world.

Peace is an immoral state of affairs!

War regulates the world's population!

War ensures the survival of the fittest!

Without it humanity would degenerate -

into a herd of weedy musicians.

What are you laughing at, man?

Don't shout at me, I'm not the regiment!

I am just one person.

Have you ever spoken to only one person?

Limo Super makes less noise, - but refreshes much more!

Hallo, hallo? No, I am not talking.

I mean I actually am, but nobody's listening.

Hello, Robert?

No, I didn't see it. How did it go?

Theresa, Theresa alone,

should hear this song of mine.

The others will forgive me,

that she alone interests me.

For her and for no other

I wish to live and sing...

Theresa, Theresa alone,

is the one and only reason.

why I am now here

and proudly and without fear

singing into the wind

this song of mine.

Maybe in a year or two she'll know

who loved her so.

She'll know that love is sweet and terrible

when it's one-sided

and inevitable.

Theresa, read Theresa

the question in my eyes.

Written in block letters

is the message I have for you.

You know before you read it,

what it is I ask of you.

Theresa, Theresa alone,

should hear this song of mine.

The others will forgive me,

that she alone interests me,

for her and for no other

I wish to live and sing...

Theresa, Theresa alone,

is the one and only reason

why I am now here

and proudly and without fear

singing into the wind

this song of mine.

Maybe in a year or two she'll know,

who loved her so.

She'll know that love is sweet and terrible

when it's one-sided

and inevitable.

Colonel,

we've got him, sir!

-Got who? -Come with me.

Written in block letters

is the message I have for you.

You know before you read it

what it is I ask of you.

"Music School"

I'd like to take violin lessons. Can you teach me?

I think this is not a suitable time.

It's night.

Defend yourself!

Defend yourself!

Ballet corps of Alhambra Theatre and Karlín Theatre

Dance orchestra of the Czechoslovak Radio

Conductors

Semafor Theatre Orchestra - Conductor Karel Vlach's Orchestra

English subtitles: Roberta Finlayson Samsour