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HE GASPS
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He's been!
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HE LAUGHS
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DOOR OPENS
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# O Christmas tree
O Christmas tree
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# Thy leaves are so unchanging
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# O Christmas tree
O Christmas tree
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# Thy leaves are so unchanging
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# How often has the Christmas tree
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# Afforded me the greatest glee
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# O Christmas tree
O Christmas tree
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# Much pleasure
thou can'st give me... #
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# Feliz Navidad
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# Te deseamos a ti... #
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You have to tell him.
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You do.
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This is the year.
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00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:11,000
BEEPING
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# Ho-ho-ho! Who wouldn't go?
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# Up on the housetop,
click, click, click
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# Down through the chimney
with good Saint Nick!
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# First comes the stocking
of little Nell
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# Oh, dear Santa, fill it well
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00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,320
# Give her a dolly
that laughs and cries
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# One that will open
and shut her eyes
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# Ho-ho-ho... #
DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES
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00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,040
Kung pao chicken.
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00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:49,920
CHOPSTICKS CLATTER ON PLATE
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HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
Chris...
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00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:59,440
..you're at an age now where,
as a parent,
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it's my job to...to
tell you certain facts
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that you might not want to hear.
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Dad, relax.
We've done this all in school.
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You have? Yeah.
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Last year. Oh!
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Oh!
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THEY LAUGH
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00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:22,440
Oh! That is a weight off,
I can't tell ya.
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00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:23,680
Oh, your face!
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00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:27,640
Don't think I've ever heard you
say sperm.
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What?!
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Oh, God, are you going to teach me
to put on a contraception?
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00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,440
God, no. Chris! No. That's...
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That's not what this is about.
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It's about Father Christmas.
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What do you mean?
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00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,760
Is he all right?
Did something happen?
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00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,680
Yeah... Well, no, I mean...
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Remember the snow on the roof
on Christmas morning?
52
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:55,120
And, um... And the sleigh tracks?
53
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And the soot in the grate?
54
00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,560
And the presents
under the tree? Well...
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That was all me.
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I did that.
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00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,360
You're Father Christmas?
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You bring joy and happiness
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00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,960
to billions of children
all over the world?
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No, that's not what I mean.
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00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,800
Dad, I'm not being funny,
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but I really can't see you
getting down our chimney,
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let alone back up it.
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I've seen you on the monkey bars.
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00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,760
Chris, we had the chimney sealed off
before you were born,
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00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:33,120
when we had the gas fire put in.
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What about the carrots?
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And-and the single malt?
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00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,240
I suppose that was all you
as well, was it?
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00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:43,240
Yes. Obviously.
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Look, I'm sorry, Chris, but...
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..he isn't real.
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Father Christmas doesn't exist.
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I mean, think about it - a billion
children all over the world!
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I mean, it is physically impossible
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00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,720
to deliver that many presents
in a single night.
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You would say that.
You work for the Royal Mail.
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00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:11,200
He probably uses
different...software.
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00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:15,880
And what software makes
a reindeer fly at warp speed
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and lights up his hooter?
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00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:20,320
Nothing that's commercially
available, but...
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And how does a man of that girth
fit down a chimney?
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Even if you haven't even got one.
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And to never be seen!
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Look, I'm sorry, Chris.
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I know this time of year
is special to you.
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But you're old enough now
to know the truth.
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You'd be able to explain it,
wouldn't you,
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00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:25,520
if you were here?
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But you're not.
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00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,160
You're probably at Lord's.
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Or in Norfolk.
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Or a book library.
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Oof...
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What's this?
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00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:02,320
Egg banjo?
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00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:10,960
I've...had a little time
to think about what you said.
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Er...and I get it.
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00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:16,720
I do. It's been a rough year.
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00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,520
Seriously, one for the ages.
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00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:22,000
And it's not like
there isn't stiff competition.
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00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:27,200
Professionally, you were laid off,
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00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,000
and then fired,
then you became a postman,
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00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:34,480
to be demoted almost immediately
to the sorting office.
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Medically, although it wasn't proved
serious in the end,
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you had to undergo
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a number of...probes
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that people tended to laugh at
rather than feel sorry for you for.
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It was during this health scare
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that you lost your place
on the pub darts team
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to a man who was
almost double your age.
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He was so talented.
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And it's...
It's hard to see a way back.
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00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,600
Romantically, I'm sorry,
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00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:05,120
but it's been a complete
and utter disaster.
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00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,120
Ms Bailey,
who lives almost opposite,
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00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,040
who you like, and I like,
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00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:13,680
even though she teaches me
double science,
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00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,240
she asked you on a date
back in April,
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00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,240
and you still haven't
called her back.
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Sorry to interrupt,
but is there a point to all this,
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00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,840
or are you just
trying to boost morale?
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Yeah, yeah, there is.
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And the point is
that it's only natural,
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after the year you've had,
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to lose a little bit of
that-that Christmas feeling.
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Oh, Chris, come on, please.
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To become jaded and cynical.
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Oh, not this again.
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00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,840
Dad, you're wrong.
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I love you, but you're wrong.
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Father Christmas is real
and I'm going to prove it to you.
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00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,480
Morning, Chris. Morning, Miss.
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00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,680
Pat, what do I do
with this one, mate?
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00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,920
Ho-ho-ho! Follow me!
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00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,800
I'll let you into a little secret.
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00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,240
In there.
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SHREDDER WHIRRS
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Don't worry, you get used to it.
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00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,000
What happens to all the shredded
paper?
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00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,560
It's put in the back of a blue
lorry and then...no-one knows.
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00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,600
To be fair,
we live in such a cynical age,
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00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,120
I'm surprised anyone
still writes to Father Christmas.
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00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,360
My boy does.
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00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,840
I thought you said he was 16
and doing his GCSEs?
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00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,160
He is.
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00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:24,680
BEEPING
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00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:32,520
TV: Cryptozoology is essentially the
study of
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00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:35,040
creatures that are said to exist
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00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,840
but are unproven, undocumented by
science.
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00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,080
The creatures that are studied
are called cryptids and...
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00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,080
KNOCKING
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00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:45,360
..Loch Ness Monster, Chupacabra,
things like that.
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00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:49,840
And within cryptozoology, it just
doesn't get any bigger
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00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:54,000
than Big Foot, because of all
cryptids out there,
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00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:58,920
Big Foot has the most sighting.
Sightings by very credible people...
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00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,920
KNOCKING
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00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,440
Holly! It's me, Chris!
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00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,200
Oh, OK. Good, yeah. I thought so.
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00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,000
LOCKS RATTLE
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And another.
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00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,000
LOCKS RATTLE AND CLICK
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00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,200
Wait. And one more.
LOCKS RATTLE
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00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,080
And open sesame.
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00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:27,760
I need a favour.
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00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:41,160
BEEPING
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00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:42,760
Sorry, love, I'm on break,
all right?
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00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:43,800
BABY CRIES
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00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,360
Look, I'm like a long-distance
lorry driver.
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00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,640
I have to take a break
every 45 minutes
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00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:49,440
every four and a half hours.
Sorry, it's regulations!
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00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,400
Merry Christmas. Oh, God.
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00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:55,280
No, no, no, no, no.
You are banned, OK?
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00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,800
No, I told you last year
that was the last year.
175
00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:59,440
You're too old for this now, mate.
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00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:01,280
I just want to ask you a question.
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00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:09,800
What's the mic for?
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00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,480
I don't do podcasts.
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00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,240
I've got my reputation
to think about.
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00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:16,320
Yep, Chris wants to prove to his dad
that Father Christmas is real.
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00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:17,880
Oh, my God.
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00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:19,880
How many times do I have
to tell you, mate?
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00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:24,160
I'm not Father Christmas, OK?
This beard isn't real.
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00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:25,200
And...
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00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:27,480
..I'm a Muslim.
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00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,560
OK, but what about the paunch?
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00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,200
Yeah, the paunch is real.
188
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,600
Obviously, I know
you're not Father Christmas.
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00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:34,920
I'm not stupid.
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00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,840
It's only, what, seven more
sleeps until the big day.
191
00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:41,080
He's not going to be here, is he?
This is crunch time.
192
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,160
He's got more important things
to be doing.
193
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:44,600
What do you want to ask me?
194
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:46,640
Last year, when I was here,
195
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:49,920
I overheard you talking
to one of the single mums,
196
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:53,680
who was really impressed
about how you knew Stephen Fry.
197
00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:55,240
Ah! You know Stephen Fry?
198
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,920
Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't say
he's a close friend. But, yeah.
199
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,720
No, that is literally
what you said.
200
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,680
Yeah, he's more of a close friend
of, like, a casual acquaintance.
201
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,760
But what's that got to do
with anything?
202
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,280
Stephen Fry is like God to my dad.
203
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,280
He will listen to anything he says.
204
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:13,960
I mean, he won't necessarily
understand it, but he will listen.
205
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,400
So the best way to prove to my dad
that Father Christmas is real
206
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,240
is to have Stephen Fry
say that he is.
207
00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:22,680
I just need you to introduce us.
208
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,200
Right, I'm going to level
with you, OK?
209
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,520
Honestly - honestly -
I don't really know him that well.
210
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:30,560
Mm. Yeah, I feel like you
don't know him at all. No. No.
211
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,160
Although I did bump into him
in a Sainsbury's car park.
212
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,920
Shut up. What was he like?
213
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,960
He is so-o-o nice.
214
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,240
Like, and it was my fault,
cos I was reversing,
215
00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:40,840
didn't realise it was in first gear,
216
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,720
bumped into him.
"Oh, my God, Stephen Fry."
217
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:45,040
Sorry, you bumped into him in a car?
218
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,200
Yeah.
219
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,840
Did you swap details?
220
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:51,760
Well, no. I think he's married,
isn't he?
221
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,120
Insurance details.
222
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,680
Insurance details. Right!
He didn't have his details on him,
223
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,160
so he wrote
his name and address down
224
00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,000
and then he put them into my phone.
225
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:01,480
Got it in my phone.
226
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:07,520
BEEPING
227
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:16,000
PHONE RINGS
228
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:20,480
Hello?
229
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,520
Oh, Mr Massey?
230
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:23,600
Yep?
231
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,440
It's Georgina Bailey.
232
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:26,880
From the school.
233
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:30,280
And the house almost opposite.
234
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:34,240
Georgina, hi.
I'm so glad you've called.
235
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,720
Um, I've been meaning
to call you back...
236
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,000
Oh, Nick...
237
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:41,360
No, honestly, I have. It's just been
a really hectic couple of...
238
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:42,880
..eight months.
239
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:45,800
Yeah, that's not...that's not
the reason that I'm calling.
240
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:49,800
Oh? It's Chris.
He didn't come into school today.
241
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:51,320
I wouldn't have called.
242
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:53,880
It's just that I saw him when
I left for school this morning
243
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,240
and it looked like
he was on the way in.
244
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,400
I know it's the last day
of term...
245
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,480
Yeah, no, thank you.
246
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:03,200
It's good to know that
you're really on it over there.
247
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:08,240
No, um...he actually had
a doctor's appointment today
248
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:10,080
and that's why
he couldn't make it in.
249
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:14,800
Yeah, it's nothing serious.
He's just got rash on his...
250
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,400
It's OK, I don't need to know
the details.
251
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,880
BEEPING
252
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:29,240
OK, listener, so we are currently
outside A house
253
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,720
of Stephen Fry in a yellow van.
254
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:32,960
PHONE RINGS
255
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,960
Don't answer it.
I'm not going to.
256
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,760
In fact... What?
257
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,040
Sorry, what are you doing?
258
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:43,200
This way, he can't track you.
259
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:46,320
No, don't...
260
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:51,240
SHE SWALLOWS NOISILY
261
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,200
That is really annoying.
262
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,800
Not to mention, so irresponsible.
263
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,560
This is why they tell you
to back everything up.
264
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:12,120
In case a stray lunatic
decides to literally eat your data?
265
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,360
I've seen it happen.
266
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,840
Anyway, thanks to me, your dad
doesn't have a clue where we are.
267
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:21,120
KNOCKING
268
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:22,480
Oh!
269
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,120
Oh, hello, Uncle Nicholas.
270
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,760
I might have known you'd have
something to do with this.
271
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,200
What even is this?
272
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,280
Wait, sorry, can you do that
one more time?
273
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,280
I'm just...
I forgot to click record.
274
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,840
Don't tell me you bunked off
school to do a podcast.
275
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,680
Is that...?
276
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,160
What? I don't...
I don't see anything.
277
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,720
Who? Who can't you see?
278
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,080
Oh! Oh, it's...
279
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:48,000
It's him!
280
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:51,240
What? Why? How? Huh?
281
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:56,200
It's all right. Breathe.
In and out. In and out.
282
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:57,360
Breathe, it's all right.
283
00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:00,040
Chris wants to ask Stephen Fry
if Father Christmas is real. Oh!
284
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,160
Chris, I thought we discussed this.
285
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,760
We did, and I said
that I'd get you proof.
286
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,000
This is it.
287
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,520
If Stephen Fry says that
Father Christmas is real,
288
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,000
then perhaps you'll believe me.
289
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,720
All right, and if he says he isn't,
will you believe me?
290
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:17,520
KNOCKING
291
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,640
If I'd have known, I would have
put on a different shirt.
292
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:25,160
OK, you need to calm down.
293
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,800
I need the toilet, is what I need.
294
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,400
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought
you were carol singers...
295
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:42,880
# Good King Wenceslas last looked
out on the feast of Stephen! #
296
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:46,920
Dad, please. Or you'll have
to wait in the car.
297
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,040
Sorry. We're not carol singers.
298
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,640
I'm just a huge fan.
299
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:53,120
I've watched everything
you've ever done on television.
300
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,920
I've listened to all your books,
even the one about ties...
301
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,240
Isn't that adorable?
302
00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,760
Well, what impeccable taste you
have.
303
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,960
Now, if you don't mind,
I'm just going to call the police.
304
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,800
No, please, we literally just
want to ask you one question.
305
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:06,280
Can I use your toilet?
306
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:07,960
That wasn't it.
307
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,920
I'm going to close the door now.
Goodbye.
308
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,320
Wait!
309
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,360
Is Father Christmas real?
310
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:21,200
I'm sorry, what did you say
the name was?
311
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,160
Father Christmas.
312
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,120
You have heard of Father Christmas?
313
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:28,200
Yes, no, I mean,
I thought you said...
314
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,200
Oh, my goodness,
I left the oven on. Goodbye.
315
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,400
No, Stephen, please!
It will only take a minute.
316
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,880
Come on, it is Christmas.
317
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,240
It's just as I imagined it.
318
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:50,880
Is Father Christmas real?
319
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,360
In order to deliver all those
satsumas and pairs of socks,
320
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:58,160
Father Christmas would have
to travel jolly fast. But how jolly?
321
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,440
Show your workings, Fry.
Certainly, sir.
322
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:05,240
Well, speed, as we know,
323
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:09,600
is distance divided by time.
324
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,240
Divided by time.
And we calculate distance
325
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:16,680
by seeing the number of households
that celebrate Christmas.
326
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:22,240
Which is roughly 45%
of the population. 8.2 billion.
327
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,640
By the average number
of people in the household,
328
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:27,520
which is approximately 3.95.
329
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,600
3.95. Yep.
330
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,840
That gives us
331
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:39,840
934,177,215
332
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,400
households. Basically a billion.
333
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,920
Basically a billion.
Dad. Final warning.
334
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:49,680
By the Global Average Spacing.
335
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,760
So 186 million kilometres,
plus change,
336
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,920
which is more than
100 return trips to the moon.
337
00:20:55,960 --> 00:21:00,000
So all that distance over time.
338
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:01,240
And how much time
339
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,840
does Father Christmas
have at his disposal?
340
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,040
Well, I'm going to say 30 hours,
341
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,800
if you think of when
the last children go to sleep
342
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:10,120
on Christmas Island,
343
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:13,680
and the first children
wake up in American Samoa.
344
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,360
That gives us the total of
345
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:24,160
6,277,848km
346
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,840
per hour.
347
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:30,120
Well, that is jolly fast,
like you said. Yeah.
348
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,720
Yeah, not as fast
as the speed of light, mind you,
349
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,600
but alas, the air resistance alone
would be enough
350
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:39,240
to instantly vaporise
any normal human being.
351
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:42,000
And, actually, these figures
are a trifle optimistic
352
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:43,840
because they don't take into account
353
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:48,040
the fact that Father Christmas
has to stop a billion times,
354
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,720
to deliver the actual presents.
355
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:53,720
That means constant acceleration
and deceleration,
356
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:57,480
not to mention going down all
those chimneys and up them again.
357
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,920
It just stretches credibility
even further, doesn't it?
358
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:02,600
How does he do that?
Especially when there is no chimney.
359
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,560
And given that fact that he is,
pun intended,
360
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,160
widely reported to be
generously proportioned.
361
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,520
Right, yeah, well,
362
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:15,120
thank you, Stephen,
that's been really helpful.
363
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:16,680
That's not everything.
364
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,160
Well, it's enough
to be getting on with, so...
365
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:20,880
What else were you going to say?
366
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,200
Nothing, really, that was the nub.
367
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:26,120
Please, tell me.
368
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:31,040
Well, it's just that based on
the lack of verifiable sightings
369
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,960
and bona fide photographic evidence,
370
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,800
we have to conclude that
Father Christmas does all this
371
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,920
while remaining
completely invisible.
372
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:48,400
I'd like to go home now, please.
373
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:51,880
Oh, yeah, of course, mate.
Yeah, um...let's get you home.
374
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:04,400
Er, excuse me, Chris?
375
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,960
Um, I just wanted to add
376
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:12,720
that, until 1903
and the Wright brothers,
377
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:17,360
powered human flight
was thought to be impossible.
378
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:18,760
But it wasn't.
379
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,800
We just didn't have a proper
understanding of aerodynamics
380
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,880
and propulsion
and three-axis steering.
381
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,680
We had to wait for the science
to catch up.
382
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,960
And what I'm saying is, all of that
in there
383
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:32,800
might not be impossible.
384
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:36,200
It might just be
that we can't explain it.
385
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:37,320
Not yet.
386
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:42,160
We have to wait
until we can see the bigger picture.
387
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:47,280
Oh, and talking of pictures,
I don't know,
388
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,080
I thought perhaps
you might like to have this.
389
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:50,920
Stephen, you didn't have to.
Thank you... Aw, I would.
390
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,600
Oh, look at that! Wow!
391
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,840
Aw, that is the best
Christmas present ever.
392
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:58,440
Oh.
393
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:01,240
Oh, I feel a bit embarrassed now.
394
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:04,080
Really, there's no reason to be.
395
00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:05,320
If I'd have known, I...
396
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,240
..probably wouldn't have taken that.
397
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:14,560
Have you taken anything else?
398
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,120
God, Uncle Nicholas!
399
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,840
PHONE RINGS
400
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:48,840
Hello?
401
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:52,880
No, no, I didn't say anything,
402
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,280
I promise.
403
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:56,280
In fact,
I said the exact opposite.
404
00:24:58,560 --> 00:24:59,920
I was very careful.
405
00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:11,280
BEEPING
406
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:23,400
Hey. How did it go at the doctor's?
407
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,880
Yeah, no, it was good. Thanks.
408
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:28,920
Yeah, no, they, um...
409
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,120
They gave him a cream.
410
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:36,160
Merry Christmas.
411
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:37,480
Merry "Eczema...s".
412
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:48,080
Merry Eczema... Xmas.
I just got it, cos of the...
413
00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:49,320
Cos of the rash!
414
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,800
Goodnight, son. Night, Dad.
415
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:49,840
Chris, I know you're disappointed,
416
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,960
but, you know, this doesn't mean
that Christmas is cancelled.
417
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:56,000
We can still do all the other stuff.
418
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:58,440
Everything else will stay
exactly the same.
419
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,600
Yeah, but it won't be the same,
will it?
420
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:18,240
STEPHEN FRY: Which comes to
934,177,215 households,
421
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,360
so basically a billion.
422
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:21,800
Basically a billion.
423
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:30,440
We have to wait until we can
see the bigger picture.
424
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,360
The bigger picture...
425
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,560
LOUDER: The bigger picture.
426
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,320
Well, it definitely looks like
Father Christmas.
427
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,960
Who did you say
these other people were?
428
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:25,360
Professor Hannah Fry,
429
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:27,880
Professor of the Public Understanding
of Mathematics
430
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:30,440
and serial podcaster. Uh-huh.
431
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:32,880
Dame Maggie Aderin-Pocock,
432
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:38,320
space scientist and Honorary Fellow
of the British Science Association.
433
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:43,160
Jason Fox, ex-Special Forces
and TV personality.
434
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,920
Right, and you think, what,
435
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:50,520
they all work for Father Christmas
436
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:52,160
and basically
make it possible for him
437
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,560
to deliver all those presents
to all those children
438
00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:58,720
in a single night,
and not be seen doing it?
439
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:00,080
Yeah.
440
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,520
I know it sounds tenuous, but...
I'm in.
441
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:06,680
Look, you had me at "tenuous."
442
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:32,080
SHREDDER WHIRS
443
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:57,000
BEEPING
444
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:09,360
Professor Hannah Fry?
445
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:11,280
Yeah?
446
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:15,240
Relax, relax, we just want to ask
a couple of questions.
447
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,520
Oh, are you doing a podcast?
448
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:19,800
Oh, I love a podcast.
449
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,960
We're trying to find proof
that Father Christmas is real.
450
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:26,000
Ah, OK. No, I'm sorry,
I cannot help you with that.
451
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:36,320
Where did you get this?
452
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,360
A journalist never reveals
her source.
453
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:39,920
Stephen gave you this, didn't he?
454
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:42,160
Yeah, 100%. Yep.
455
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:43,320
I'm not a journalist.
456
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,760
He is such a blabbermouth.
What else did he tell you?
457
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:48,200
Nothing. I find that
very difficult to believe.
458
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:52,760
Well, he said that it might not
be impossible for Father Christmas
459
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,480
to climb down chimneys
that aren't even there,
460
00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:58,360
just that we can't explain it yet.
Mm-hm?
461
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:00,520
I mean HE can't explain it yet.
462
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,600
Do you know
he failed O Level physics?
463
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:08,080
Does that mean...
464
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:11,160
..that you can...explain it?
465
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:13,640
Well, yeah.
Of course I can explain it.
466
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:15,000
It's just, you know...
467
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:16,400
You don't want to?
468
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:17,840
Yeah. I don't want to.
469
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:21,040
I mean, obviously she CAN.
She just doesn't want to.
470
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:22,720
I can actually explain it, guys.
471
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:25,400
No, no, I believe you.
"Professor." Excuse me!
472
00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:28,480
What are these fake air quotes?
I am an actual professor.
473
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,280
HOLLY SIGHS
OK, Chris, come on, let's go.
474
00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:34,400
Ooh! Have you still got that number
for Professor Brian Cox?
475
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:35,440
Yeah, somewhere.
476
00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:37,920
OK. It's Macroscopic
Quantum Tunnelling.
477
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:40,840
Just remind me what that is again.
478
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:43,560
OK, so Father Christmas
turns himself and his presents
479
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:45,440
into a single quantum object,
480
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:48,520
and that way he can pass through
solid walls.
481
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:51,040
Like a ghost?
No! Nothing like a ghost.
482
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:52,280
This is the quantum world,
483
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:54,800
it's where particles don't exist
at a single point -
484
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:56,880
they exist everywhere
and nowhere all at once
485
00:32:56,920 --> 00:33:00,120
in, like, a cloud of probability
that spreads through space.
486
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:04,040
And that way a particle
COULD be on the roof of a house,
487
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,760
but it could also be
inside a house,
488
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:10,920
underneath a Christmas tree.
That's quantum tunnelling.
489
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:15,120
I see. And how does
he travel fast enough
490
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,720
to be able to deliver all
those presents in a single night?
491
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,400
Well, he's using
an Alcubierre drive, right?
492
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,720
He's engulfing his sleigh
in a bubble of Minkowski space,
493
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:26,440
and that way he doesn't need to
feel any of the g-forces.
494
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,440
Er, OK. I, er...
495
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:35,560
I forgot, actually, I...
496
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:37,760
I need to go.
I've got a lecture to do.
497
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:38,800
Sorry. Bye.
498
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:42,840
How does he make himself
turn invisible?
499
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,240
Oh, OK. Whew.
500
00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:59,760
That was weird. I know, right?
501
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,840
Since when did the pencil moustache
come back into fashion?
502
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:03,920
Before that, I mean.
503
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:08,480
That photograph -
it really put her on edge.
504
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:12,600
That's it. We need to talk to
the other people in the photograph.
505
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:14,640
That's what we're doing, Holly.
506
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:17,240
You've got to call them.
You've got to call them right now.
507
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,680
How? I don't have a number.
508
00:34:19,720 --> 00:34:20,920
Or a SIM card.
509
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:22,320
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
510
00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:24,960
Oh! Sorry, mate, one second.
Yeah, I'd better get this.
511
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:26,160
This might be for me.
512
00:34:27,240 --> 00:34:29,480
Hello? Yeah, speaking.
513
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:35,840
Oh, hello,
Dame Maggie Aderin-Pocock.
514
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:37,120
SHE MOUTHS
515
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:39,200
WHISPERED: How did she get
your number?
516
00:34:39,240 --> 00:34:40,440
SHE MOUTHS
517
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:42,320
No, ask her.
518
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:43,800
Yeah, no, sorry. Still here.
519
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:47,320
She wants to meet.
520
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,280
I'm not sure this is a good idea.
BRAKES SQUEAL
521
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:07,120
Yeah, that's what makes it
a good idea.
522
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:09,000
She wouldn't ask to meet
in a place like this
523
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:11,520
unless we were
dangerously close to the truth.
524
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,120
Is Father Christmas real?
525
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:41,880
He's real if you believe he's real.
526
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:45,160
That's good enough for me,
but my dad wants proof.
527
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:47,760
What makes you think I can help?
528
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:57,240
Oh, Stephen.
529
00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:58,560
He can't help himself.
530
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:01,760
Have you met the other two?
531
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:05,080
Professor Hannah Fry, but not Foxy.
532
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:06,800
He's a hard man to find.
533
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:08,200
So you don't know where he is?
534
00:36:08,240 --> 00:36:12,640
I haven't seen Foxy
since this photograph was taken.
535
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:14,440
So, Hannah -
536
00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:15,800
what did you two discuss?
537
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:18,960
Oh, just Macroscopic
Quantum Tunnelling.
538
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,720
It's how Father Christmas
gets down the chimneys.
539
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:22,240
Anything else?
540
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:23,840
She touched on the, um...
541
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:27,000
The Alan... Alan Q beer.
542
00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:28,920
The... The Alan Q...
543
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:31,760
The Alcubierre drive.
That's the one.
544
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:33,600
And did it make sense?
545
00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:34,640
Um...
546
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:38,040
Well, I'd be lying
if I said it all went in,
547
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:42,080
but then I am only predicted
a grade three in GCSE maths.
548
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:44,200
It's not that complicated.
549
00:36:44,240 --> 00:36:46,680
Let's get that three up to a four.
550
00:36:46,720 --> 00:36:50,160
Rather than making Father Christmas
travel to every household,
551
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:54,440
the trick is to make
every household travel to him.
552
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:56,240
What is she doing?
553
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:59,840
Who keeps a rug in the boot
of their car?
554
00:36:59,880 --> 00:37:03,360
Now, imagine that this rug
represents space and time,
555
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:04,800
but all smooshed together,
556
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:07,000
and it's running
from one end of a room...
557
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:11,200
..all the way to the other.
558
00:37:11,240 --> 00:37:13,000
Would you like to
step inside the room?
559
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:17,600
Ah, classic. She wants to roll up
a body and dump it in the canal.
560
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:19,800
Now, conventionally,
it will take a number of steps
561
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:21,560
to get from one end to the other,
562
00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:24,440
but imagine if we could squish up,
or concertina,
563
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,080
space and time in front of you.
Like this.
564
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,120
OK. Good.
565
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:33,400
False alarm.
566
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:34,840
Teacher's got to teach.
567
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:41,840
So now you can step from
one end of the room to the other
568
00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:43,040
in a single step.
569
00:37:47,720 --> 00:37:50,520
And if I elongate space and time
behind you,
570
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:51,560
like this...
571
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:58,120
..you've miraculously
got from one end to the other.
572
00:37:58,160 --> 00:37:59,720
Wow!
573
00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:03,000
That actually makes sense.
Thank you.
574
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:10,640
Well?
575
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:13,560
You can relax.
He doesn't know anything.
576
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:17,080
In fact,
I'm not even sure he knows that.
577
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:20,400
Good, but we have to be careful.
578
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:22,160
The belief is strong with this one.
579
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:29,000
CAMERA BEEPS
580
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:33,560
Albercue... Alcubierre.
581
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,520
Alcubierre drive, that's sort of,
like, a magic carpet thing?
582
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:39,240
No, the carpet was just
a teaching aid.
583
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:43,240
I don't know, it made sense
when she said it, so...
584
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:54,720
KNOCK ON DOOR
585
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:58,520
Ah! Ooh, pizza.
586
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:00,880
Whoa, wait a minute. Yeah?
587
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:02,000
When did you order pizza?
588
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:03,160
Well, no, I didn't.
589
00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:08,480
So what are you doing? What is
the point of having all this security
590
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:11,280
if you're just going to open the door
to anyone with a pizza?
591
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:14,400
Well, I like pizza, and I also
haven't eaten since breakfast, so...
592
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,400
KNOCKING CONTINUES
Holly!
593
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:18,400
That's weird.
594
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:19,680
He's opened up the pizza box,
595
00:39:19,720 --> 00:39:23,560
but there isn't any pizza in it,
there's just words.
596
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:25,280
What do you mean? What words?
597
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:26,360
It says...
598
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:31,320
..Jason "Foxy" Fox.
599
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:43,160
Why not?
600
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:44,960
Sorry, sorry. My bad. Sorry.
601
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:47,440
DETECTOR CLICKS
602
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:03,760
DETECTOR BEEPS
He's telling me we don't have long.
603
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:06,520
But you can talk to Foxy...
604
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:07,920
..through me.
605
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:09,200
Are you psychic?
606
00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:11,920
No, I have a microphone
and a camera.
607
00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:14,360
Foxy can see us and hear us.
608
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:17,600
Hello, Chris. Hello, Holly.
It's Foxy here.
609
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:19,200
I'm really sorry
about the tight security,
610
00:40:19,240 --> 00:40:20,600
but I can't take no chances.
611
00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:23,920
I can't take no chances.
They can't know where I am.
612
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:25,960
Who's they? Father Christmas.
613
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:27,360
And his organisation.
614
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:29,120
So he's real? Yeah, mate.
615
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:31,840
As real as I am standing
right here.
616
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,680
What do they want?
Get that photograph out.
617
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,360
That was taken at
a Channel 4 Christmas party.
618
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:47,160
I thought it was
going to be well boring,
619
00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:48,880
stuck with them lot all night.
620
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:50,800
But it turns out
we had a lot in common.
621
00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:52,600
Like ideas about Father Christmas
622
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:54,440
and how it is
he can do what he does.
623
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:56,520
You know, theoretically.
624
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:57,760
We really got into it,
625
00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:00,360
and was going to organise
a convention and everything.
626
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:02,600
And call it The Science of Christmas
627
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:05,560
and use it to get children
interested in the subject
628
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:08,760
from a young age.
Inspire future generations.
629
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:11,960
We had publishers interested,
and television people -
630
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:13,600
there was even talk of a podcast.
631
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:14,800
What happened?
632
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:16,960
Father Christmas. He shut us down.
633
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,120
I'm not saying he did it personally.
634
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:20,520
But he was definitely involved.
635
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:22,040
What idea did you have?
636
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:23,640
Active camouflage.
637
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:25,920
It's what the big man uses
to make himself invisible.
638
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:29,720
His red jumpsuit is actually
just an image of a red jumpsuit
639
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:33,200
projected onto a flexible,
wearable Oled screen.
640
00:41:33,240 --> 00:41:36,240
Hidden cameras constantly film
what is around him
641
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:39,000
and then project that on the screen
on the opposite side.
642
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:40,640
It's like he's wrapped
in a live feed
643
00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:42,040
of his immediate environment.
644
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:44,400
It's the same technology
James Bond used
645
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:48,080
to make his car invisible
in Die Another Day.
646
00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:49,720
I didn't see it.
647
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:51,040
Exactly.
648
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:53,560
Sorry, that's all I have time for.
649
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:55,280
I've got to take a cake
out of the oven.
650
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:56,320
Wait...
651
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:01,560
..how do I find
Father Christmas?
652
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:02,720
You don't, soldier.
653
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:06,000
That's what I've been
trying to tell you. Steer clear.
654
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:07,960
You don't want to
get mixed up in this.
655
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:09,840
You don't want to
get mixed up in this.
656
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:26,280
BEEPING
657
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,680
TV: Well, that period of time
has ended...
658
00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:33,120
DOORBELL RINGS
659
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:34,840
Door!
660
00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:42,880
I'll get it!
661
00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:57,160
DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN
662
00:42:58,720 --> 00:43:01,400
It's Georgina. Ms Bailey.
663
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:02,920
How do I look?
664
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,120
Like a deer in the headlights.
DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN
665
00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:06,480
Coming!
666
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:20,400
# Deck the halls
with boughs of holly
667
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:23,000
# Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la
668
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,560
# Tis the season to be jolly
669
00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:28,000
# Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la... #
670
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:30,920
CAROLLING CONTINUES
671
00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:33,640
CHRIS JOINS IN
672
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:36,000
# Troll the ancient Christmas carol
673
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:39,040
# Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la
674
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,680
# Follow me in merry measure
675
00:43:41,720 --> 00:43:44,400
# Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la
676
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:46,840
# Fast away the old year passes
677
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:49,560
# Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la
678
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:52,200
# Hail the lonely lads and lasses
679
00:43:52,240 --> 00:43:54,520
# Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la. #
680
00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:57,360
# Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la
681
00:43:57,400 --> 00:44:00,320
# Fast away the old year passes
682
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:04,600
# Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la...la. #
683
00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:26,240
I can explain.
684
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:28,960
My letter to Father Christmas.
That I posted.
685
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:30,280
I know.
686
00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:31,920
You know that
it's a criminal offence
687
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,800
to interfere with an envelope
that is stamped and addressed?
688
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:37,400
I rescued it. From what?!
689
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:40,360
Do you know what happens to letters
addressed to Father Christmas?
690
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:42,120
Well, I know
what's supposed to happen.
691
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:45,600
They get sent to Father Christmas,
so he knows what presents to get.
692
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:47,480
They get shredded.
693
00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:48,800
All of them.
694
00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:53,280
They're put into a big machine that
cuts them up into long, thin strips,
695
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:55,040
which are dumped into big red bins,
696
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:57,160
then stuck on
the back of an old blue lorry
697
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:58,720
and taken to God knows where.
698
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:02,160
So you don't know where?
699
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:03,720
I know it's not the North Pole.
700
00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:06,680
How do you know? Because I do.
701
00:45:06,720 --> 00:45:08,120
You don't.
702
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:10,040
You don't know.
You just don't want to believe.
703
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:12,560
You always think
that everything is...
704
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:14,440
..is destined to end in disaster.
705
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:25,960
BEEPING
706
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:30,240
Not everything
is destined to end in disaster.
707
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:38,120
PHONE LINE RINGS
708
00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:39,600
VOICEMAIL: Hi, this is Georgina.
709
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:41,840
I can't come to the phone right now,
so please leave a message.
710
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:46,160
BEEP
Hey...Georgina. It's Nick here.
711
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:49,640
Nick...Massey.
From the house opposite.
712
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:53,040
Well, it's not really opposite,
is it? It's more sort of...
713
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:55,000
I'd say ten o'clock.
714
00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:57,880
It's definitely across the street.
Doesn't matter.
715
00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:00,720
I'm just returning your call,
basically...
716
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:05,200
..from April, I think it was.
717
00:46:05,240 --> 00:46:08,320
Just to say that, yes...
718
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:12,360
..I'd really like to go
for that drink -
719
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:17,080
if the offer still stands -
and that I'm free tonight.
720
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:19,840
If that's not too rash.
721
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:26,800
Nailed it.
722
00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:28,880
HOLLY: So, letters
to Father Christmas are shredded,
723
00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:30,080
put on that blue lorry
724
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:31,280
and then taken where?
725
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:33,400
That's the reason we're following
the blue lorry.
726
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:46,880
PHONE BUZZES
727
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:52,880
VOICE NOTE PLAYS: Hiya.
Um, yeah, tonight sounds great.
728
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:56,360
I think I can get to you
for about eight o'clock.
729
00:46:56,400 --> 00:47:00,400
So, yeah,
I guess I'll see you then. Bye.
730
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:06,760
Still got it.
731
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:10,200
HE CHUCKLES
732
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:29,480
Ooh, Chris, before I forget.
733
00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:30,520
There you go.
734
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:33,680
You got me a new SIM card.
735
00:47:33,720 --> 00:47:36,160
No, that's just
the one I swallowed.
736
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:39,800
You wait here.
737
00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:41,000
Where are you going?
738
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:42,680
I have an idea.
739
00:47:42,720 --> 00:47:47,240
MUSIC: The Carol Of The Bells
by Mykola Leontovych
740
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:52,080
Knock-knock. Hey.
741
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:55,720
Can I help you?
I don't know. Can you?
742
00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:58,120
Well, not unless you tell me
what it is you want, no.
743
00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:02,120
I'm, er...
744
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:06,400
I'm here to see...Father Christmas.
745
00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:07,560
Oh, yeah?
746
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:08,800
Yeah.
747
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:11,000
Got an appointment?
748
00:48:11,040 --> 00:48:13,160
Do I...need one?
749
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:17,400
Does this look like
the North Pole to you? Hmm?
750
00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:19,200
I don't know, I've never been.
751
00:48:19,240 --> 00:48:21,920
Yeah. Well, it's not.
752
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:23,960
It's Milton Keynes. OK.
753
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:26,360
Now clear off!
Fair enough. Yep.
754
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:29,200
Thank you.
755
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:36,480
OK.
756
00:48:37,720 --> 00:48:41,520
Well?
Yep, he is definitely in there.
757
00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:44,520
Father Christmas? How do you know?
758
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:47,200
Woman's...institution, Chris.
759
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:51,200
What now? Plan B.
760
00:48:51,240 --> 00:48:53,080
ENGINE STARTS
761
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:55,080
PHONE RINGS
762
00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:58,200
Problem?
763
00:48:58,240 --> 00:49:00,640
No, sir. No problem.
764
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:14,280
CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYS
765
00:49:28,240 --> 00:49:31,560
SINISTER MUSIC PLAYS
766
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:39,000
Are you sure this is going to work?
767
00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:41,480
I don't look anything like
a security guard!
768
00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:43,640
Yeah, because you haven't put
the hat on yet.
769
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:53,400
I know you said
you've done this before,
770
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:56,200
but I suppose the question is,
how many times?
771
00:49:56,240 --> 00:49:58,960
Yeah, mate, I really don't know.
It's not like I keep count.
772
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:01,520
Like, less than 100,
more than once.
773
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:05,120
You mean twice? Well, you know
what they say - third time lucky.
774
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:07,520
The first two times failed?!
775
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:10,440
Chris, now is really not the time
for second thoughts, OK?
776
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:12,680
Did you want to find out if
Father Christmas is real or not?
777
00:50:12,720 --> 00:50:14,320
Well, yeah! But...
778
00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:16,360
Good. Because there is
a very small chance
779
00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:18,200
that he is on the other side
of that wall.
780
00:50:18,240 --> 00:50:21,080
"A very small chance"?
You said "definitely"!
781
00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:23,320
Definitely a very small chance.
782
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:26,440
Now, you just remember what
I told you, yeah? Tuck and roll.
783
00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:28,080
You didn't tell me that.
784
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:30,520
Well, I'm telling you now, aren't I?
Tuck and roll!
785
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:33,240
OK! OK, tuck and roll.
786
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:36,520
Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
787
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:41,320
Aim for the pillows.
788
00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:45,480
And tuck and roll!
789
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:47,280
I got it, I got it.
790
00:50:57,200 --> 00:50:59,480
FOOTFALLS BANG ON ROOF
791
00:50:59,520 --> 00:51:02,360
Whooooa!
792
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:03,600
THUD!
793
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:07,240
Chris?
HE GRUNTS
794
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:08,400
Yeah...
795
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:11,040
It worked!
796
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:18,720
Stay right where you are!
797
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:26,480
VAN DOOR SLAMS
798
00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:29,040
ENGINE STARTS
799
00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:33,720
TYRES SQUEAL
800
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:37,040
Oh, I'm so sorry, mate.
I didn't realise you were one of us.
801
00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:41,000
Er, yeah. Yeah, no, I am.
802
00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:42,240
Definitely.
803
00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:45,280
SECURITY GUARD HUMS
804
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:47,360
Hang on!
805
00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:49,160
I don't recognise you.
806
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:52,240
Well, you must be new.
807
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:57,760
That's right, yeah.
Yeah, I am. I just...
808
00:51:57,800 --> 00:51:59,240
Just transferred in.
809
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:03,560
Well, then, how come you have
a different uniform?
810
00:52:05,240 --> 00:52:06,920
Well, it must be from
a different branch.
811
00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:09,040
Come on, then,
let's have a cup of tea.
812
00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:11,520
I'll introduce you
to the crazy gang.
813
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:15,360
MUSIC: When You Say Nothing At All
by Ronan Keating
814
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:22,320
Hello.
815
00:52:22,360 --> 00:52:24,840
TYRES SQUEAL, MUSIC STOPS
816
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:27,080
Oh, no. Uncle Nicholas...
817
00:52:27,120 --> 00:52:29,720
Uncle Nicholas, I-I-I tried
to talk him out of it, I swear.
818
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:31,480
I really did, I really...
819
00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:32,800
Hi. You all right? Hi.
820
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:35,480
But he just... He wouldn't listen,
he wouldn't listen.
821
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:37,680
"Holly," he said,
"That is very mature
822
00:52:37,720 --> 00:52:39,400
"and incredibly level-headed advice,
823
00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:41,880
"but I will...but I will
fundamentally ignore it."
824
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:44,240
Holly, Holly, slow down.
825
00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:46,000
What are you talking about?
826
00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:47,200
Where is Chris?
827
00:52:48,240 --> 00:52:51,400
BEEPING
828
00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:52,800
Milton Keynes?
829
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:54,720
I don't know what I'm going to do.
830
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:57,840
I'm out of ideas.
I mean, he's 16 years old,
831
00:52:57,880 --> 00:52:59,960
and he still believes
in Father Christmas.
832
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:01,560
I think that's good.
833
00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:05,160
I don't.
I think it's sad and pathetic.
834
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:07,880
He's becoming more and more
like his dad each day.
835
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:09,640
At least he believes in something.
836
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:12,800
A lot of people don't.
837
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:15,520
I mean, I don't know,
I'm not his parent, you are.
838
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:16,600
But I AM his teacher...
839
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:23,560
..and what I see is a boy who's
bright and curious and tenacious,
840
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:24,920
and who shows initiative.
841
00:53:26,920 --> 00:53:28,560
Those are all good qualities.
842
00:53:30,720 --> 00:53:31,720
Thank you.
843
00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:34,600
And thanks for coming tonight.
844
00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:38,520
This wasn't really what
I had in mind for our first date.
845
00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:42,440
Listen up, everyone, this is Chris.
846
00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:44,720
He just transferred in.
All right, Chris? Hiya.
847
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:47,840
Chris, this is Danny.
Where were you before?
848
00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:49,840
Swindon.
849
00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:51,400
That's Frank.
850
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:53,680
I didn't know we had
an office in Swindon.
851
00:53:53,720 --> 00:53:56,120
They wouldn't tell us if they did.
852
00:53:56,160 --> 00:53:59,680
You got that right. Angela. Hi.
853
00:53:59,720 --> 00:54:01,880
Come on, then,
I'll show you round the kitchen.
854
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:04,800
So that's Robbo, Big Jen,
and Teabag.
855
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:06,200
Cup of tea, Chris?
856
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:25,280
No, no, no. No children.
857
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:27,600
I need a girlfriend first.
THEY CHUCKLE
858
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:29,280
RADIO CHATTER
Oh, sorry, Chris.
859
00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:32,600
Go ahead, this is Goshawk, over.
860
00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:34,680
RADIO: Yeah, you haven't seen anyone
you're not supposed to
861
00:54:34,720 --> 00:54:36,680
on your rounds, have you? Over.
862
00:54:36,720 --> 00:54:38,760
No, what kind? Over.
863
00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:40,440
I've got a gentleman here
says his lad
864
00:54:40,480 --> 00:54:43,960
trampolined over the back wall
earlier on tonight. Over.
865
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:45,280
No, sorry.
866
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:48,720
Hang on a minute.
867
00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:51,640
Chris?
868
00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:54,360
Yeah?
869
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:56,200
You were round the back earlier.
870
00:54:56,240 --> 00:54:59,520
See anything that
looked like a young lad?
871
00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:02,360
No, no. Not that I can think of.
872
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:04,520
Sorry, mate, can't help you.
Over and out.
873
00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:09,880
Is the toilet...? Oh, it's just
out there. Second on the left. OK.
874
00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:16,120
Good kid.
875
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:17,400
Settling in very nicely.
876
00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:29,760
DOOR OPENS
877
00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:30,880
Where is he?
878
00:55:48,520 --> 00:55:54,440
LIVELY CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS
879
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:46,480
# Gloria! Gloria!
880
00:56:48,120 --> 00:56:49,960
# Gloria! Gloria! #
881
00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:54,840
METALLIC THUD
CHRIS GASPS
882
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:08,560
METAL CLANKS AND SCRAPES
883
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:10,160
Oh...
884
00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:14,280
ALARM BLARES
885
00:57:27,800 --> 00:57:28,880
BEEPING
886
00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:30,480
# Up on the housetop
the reindeer pause
887
00:57:30,520 --> 00:57:32,560
# Out jumps good old Santa Claus
888
00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:34,920
# Down through the chimney
with lots of toys
889
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:37,120
# All for the little ones
Christmas joys
890
00:57:37,160 --> 00:57:41,440
# Ho-ho-ho! Who wouldn't go!
Ho-ho-ho! Who wouldn't go! #
891
00:57:41,480 --> 00:57:44,720
Come on. In you go.
Actions have consequences.
892
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:50,880
Right, what do you want to say?
893
00:57:50,920 --> 00:57:51,960
Sorry.
894
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:55,800
Remember, you have to be specific
if you want to sound sincere.
895
00:57:57,560 --> 00:58:00,080
I'm sorry I was so heavy-handed...
896
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:01,440
SHOUTING: Speak up!
897
00:58:01,480 --> 00:58:04,200
I'm sorry I was so heavy-handed.
898
00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:06,600
I didn't mean to scare you
or put you in danger.
899
00:58:06,640 --> 00:58:07,880
It won't happen again.
900
00:58:09,160 --> 00:58:10,240
I promise.
901
00:58:15,480 --> 00:58:17,280
Thank you.
902
00:58:17,320 --> 00:58:18,320
Yeah.
903
00:58:21,200 --> 00:58:23,080
Right, off you go.
904
00:58:25,920 --> 00:58:28,680
SANTA GRUNTS
905
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:30,000
SANTA SIGHS
906
00:58:30,040 --> 00:58:31,640
Poor old Ruprecht.
907
00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:33,520
His heart's in the right place.
908
00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:36,520
And the truth is, well,
I couldn't do without him.
909
00:58:36,560 --> 00:58:38,600
He takes care
of that part of the business -
910
00:58:38,640 --> 00:58:41,600
that leaves me free to do
the things that I need to do.
911
00:58:41,640 --> 00:58:43,280
Which is a roundabout way of saying,
912
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:46,080
I have no idea who you are,
why you're here,
913
00:58:46,120 --> 00:58:49,080
and why you didn't just
write a letter like everyone else.
914
00:58:49,120 --> 00:58:52,640
I did. And I'm Chris, by the way.
915
00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:55,600
Right.
Do you have the letter on you?
916
00:58:55,640 --> 00:58:57,800
Yes, I do.
917
00:58:57,840 --> 00:58:59,760
Here. Ah.
918
00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:04,000
Right.
919
00:59:04,040 --> 00:59:07,400
Let me guess -
wireless headphones?
920
00:59:07,440 --> 00:59:10,200
A hoodie? A black Nando's card?
921
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:17,920
All you want for Christmas is
922
00:59:17,960 --> 00:59:20,840
for your dad
to believe in Father Christmas?
923
00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:22,720
He doesn't think you exist.
924
00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:27,480
Tell me, Chris.
It is Chris, isn't it?
925
00:59:27,520 --> 00:59:30,120
Have you, er...
926
00:59:30,160 --> 00:59:32,680
Have you ever seen a magic trick?
927
00:59:41,560 --> 00:59:43,320
Were you amazed?
928
00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:45,600
I was.
929
00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:50,720
What do you think
would have happened
930
00:59:50,760 --> 00:59:53,880
if the magician had explained
the trick to you first?
931
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:55,400
It wouldn't feel like magic.
932
00:59:55,440 --> 00:59:57,080
Ah!
933
00:59:57,120 --> 01:00:00,920
Well, that's the approach
we like to take here.
934
01:00:00,960 --> 01:00:04,360
Truth is, it helps to have people
like your dad out there -
935
01:00:04,400 --> 01:00:06,720
the sceptics, the non-believers.
936
01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:08,680
Makes it more special
for the children
937
01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:10,240
and those that do believe.
938
01:00:10,280 --> 01:00:14,000
And that's the most important thing,
wouldn't you agree?
939
01:00:14,040 --> 01:00:18,200
Unfortunately, it's getting
harder and harder to amaze people.
940
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:19,560
100 years ago,
941
01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:23,160
the science I had, it was
1,000 years ahead of anyone.
942
01:00:23,200 --> 01:00:25,440
A decade ago, only a century.
943
01:00:25,480 --> 01:00:29,640
And now it's getting closer -
the gap is closing fast.
944
01:00:29,680 --> 01:00:31,480
The inexorable march of progress.
945
01:00:32,600 --> 01:00:34,560
Those people in the photograph -
946
01:00:34,600 --> 01:00:36,960
I'm sure they had good intentions,
947
01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:40,360
but they were getting
dangerously close to the truth.
948
01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:43,600
That could've ruined Christmas
for an awful lot of people.
949
01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:45,040
Ruprecht had to step in.
950
01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:51,400
Now, I understand
that you want to prove to your dad
951
01:00:51,440 --> 01:00:53,880
that I'm real,
and that you were right, but...
952
01:00:55,840 --> 01:00:57,280
..I need to ask you a favour.
953
01:01:00,560 --> 01:01:04,120
I need you to keep
all of this a secret.
954
01:01:04,160 --> 01:01:05,480
You know...
955
01:01:05,520 --> 01:01:09,280
..to preserve the magic
for at least one more generation.
956
01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:13,000
Do you think
you could do that for me?
957
01:01:15,920 --> 01:01:17,040
Well...
958
01:01:18,080 --> 01:01:20,720
..I can't really say "no"
to Father Christmas, can I?
959
01:01:20,760 --> 01:01:21,760
Ah!
960
01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:27,320
Well, what can I get you instead?
961
01:01:27,360 --> 01:01:29,680
How about an air-fryer?
I've had a run on those.
962
01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:32,960
No.
963
01:01:34,440 --> 01:01:35,720
I know what I want.
964
01:01:35,760 --> 01:01:37,160
Oh?
965
01:01:50,560 --> 01:01:53,200
Oh, with your science teacher?
No, I don't think....
966
01:01:53,240 --> 01:01:54,600
No, not for me.
967
01:01:54,640 --> 01:01:55,800
Oh.
968
01:02:03,560 --> 01:02:04,920
Well...
969
01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:09,560
..it's a little
outside my remit, but...
970
01:02:11,280 --> 01:02:13,040
..I'll see what I can do.
971
01:02:53,200 --> 01:02:56,280
You do know that this is not about
Father Christmas, don't you?
972
01:02:58,080 --> 01:02:59,360
For either of you.
973
01:03:22,720 --> 01:03:24,840
Hey.
974
01:03:24,880 --> 01:03:27,840
Now I wouldn't say this out loud,
but, um...
975
01:03:30,240 --> 01:03:33,040
..I was really proud of
the way you kept going back there.
976
01:03:34,280 --> 01:03:39,640
You know, despite overwhelming
evidence to the contrary, you...
977
01:03:40,720 --> 01:03:42,440
..you showed real determination.
978
01:03:44,200 --> 01:03:45,520
Thank you.
979
01:03:55,600 --> 01:03:58,000
She loved Christmas.
980
01:03:58,040 --> 01:03:59,680
Not as much as you, obviously.
981
01:04:01,360 --> 01:04:03,800
But it was definitely
her favourite time of year.
982
01:04:05,760 --> 01:04:09,920
You know, I think part of
the reason why
983
01:04:09,960 --> 01:04:12,160
you wanted to still believe
in Father Christmas
984
01:04:12,200 --> 01:04:14,640
was because of that,
985
01:04:14,680 --> 01:04:20,800
because Mum and Christmas
are so closely associated,
986
01:04:20,840 --> 01:04:22,760
it's as if...
987
01:04:24,160 --> 01:04:25,920
..to believe in Father Christmas
988
01:04:25,960 --> 01:04:28,040
was to keep
the memory of her alive.
989
01:04:30,200 --> 01:04:31,640
But you'll never forget her.
990
01:04:32,800 --> 01:04:34,200
She'll always be here.
991
01:04:36,160 --> 01:04:38,600
And we'll still have
a great Christmas, won't we?
992
01:04:38,640 --> 01:04:40,080
Yeah. Eh?
993
01:04:40,120 --> 01:04:45,120
We'll open presents,
pull crackers, put up decorations,
994
01:04:45,160 --> 01:04:49,280
cook a goose, pretend we like
Christmas pudding - the works.
995
01:04:49,320 --> 01:04:50,880
Thanks, Dad.
996
01:04:50,920 --> 01:04:51,920
I love you, son.
997
01:04:56,080 --> 01:04:57,480
Dad? Mm?
998
01:04:58,840 --> 01:05:02,840
I also think that part of the reason
999
01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:06,880
that you didn't want me
to believe in Father Christmas
1000
01:05:06,920 --> 01:05:09,200
was because of Mum as well.
1001
01:05:09,240 --> 01:05:10,240
Oh?
1002
01:05:11,360 --> 01:05:14,520
Almost as if, I don't know,
1003
01:05:14,560 --> 01:05:18,400
because Mum and Christmas
are so closely associated,
1004
01:05:18,440 --> 01:05:23,440
that if I still believed
in Father Christmas, then...
1005
01:05:24,560 --> 01:05:27,280
..it'd just be too hard
1006
01:05:27,320 --> 01:05:30,240
for you to move on
with the rest of your life.
1007
01:05:33,200 --> 01:05:34,600
But you can.
1008
01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:39,080
You're not going to forget her.
1009
01:05:46,320 --> 01:05:47,920
That's an interesting thought.
1010
01:05:54,240 --> 01:05:55,600
Goodnight, mate.
1011
01:05:55,640 --> 01:05:57,000
Night, Dad.
1012
01:06:13,600 --> 01:06:17,800
BELLS JINGLE
1013
01:06:17,840 --> 01:06:22,480
TINKLY FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYS
1014
01:06:44,080 --> 01:06:45,480
He's been!
1015
01:07:11,320 --> 01:07:13,640
How on earth did you get up there?
1016
01:07:13,680 --> 01:07:16,680
I don't know.
It's a Christmas miracle.
1017
01:07:16,720 --> 01:07:19,480
Yeah, well, as long as
it wasn't that trampoline again.
1018
01:07:19,520 --> 01:07:22,880
Anyway, come on - that goose
isn't going to cook itself.
1019
01:07:22,920 --> 01:07:23,960
Come on.
1020
01:07:41,080 --> 01:07:42,960
Merry Christmas!
1021
01:08:36,280 --> 01:08:39,520
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