Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:04,937
[groans]
2
00:00:04,939 --> 00:00:06,105
[screeches]
3
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:10,175
How you like
your road eggs?
4
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:13,712
Same way I like my road head:
runny and in my mouth.
5
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:17,850
Uh, how about I just
scramble these?
6
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,820
What?
7
00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:24,857
Who the hell set the thermostat
to 38 degrees?
8
00:00:24,859 --> 00:00:26,625
[shivering]
Woody did.
9
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:29,294
Woody, that is
such a waste of energy.
10
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:31,497
Don't you care
about our planet at all?
11
00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:33,232
[babbles mockingly]
Oh, shut up, Ethel.
12
00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:34,700
Our planet is fine.
13
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:37,336
It was here 2,015 years
before me,
14
00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:40,539
and it'll be here 2,015 years
after me.
15
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:44,143
Wow. Don't you know anything
about the history of the Earth?
16
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:46,712
I know plenty.
Here's a free history lesson.
17
00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,047
Listen and learn.
18
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:57,256
(Steve)
♪ Jesus! Came to Earth
in a ball of fire ♪
19
00:00:57,258 --> 00:01:00,993
♪ Jesus!
He killed all the dinosaurs ♪
20
00:01:00,995 --> 00:01:04,029
♪ Jesus!
Uppercutting T. rex ♪
21
00:01:04,031 --> 00:01:07,366
♪ Jesus!
Karate kick that mother[bleep] ♪
22
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:10,769
♪ Jesus! Shooting fireballs
and lightning bolts ♪
23
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:14,039
♪ Jesus!
Making oil for Republicans ♪
24
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:17,209
♪ Jesus ♪
25
00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:20,212
And that's pretty much it.
Cue the theme song.
26
00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:24,183
[majestic music]
27
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,217
[screams]
28
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:29,121
♪ Brickleberry ♪
29
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,358
Connie,
I know that global warming
30
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,194
is to blame
for this heat wave.
31
00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:39,531
It's so hot, my camel toe's
losing its humps.
32
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,900
I got this CO2 meter
to prove my theory.
33
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:43,969
The levels in the park
have never been higher.
34
00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:45,771
I wonder what's causing
the spike.
35
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,239
Probably that.
36
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:49,108
[energy thrumming]
37
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:52,478
Woody, this Freon's kind of
making me light-headed.
38
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,279
Says it kills brain cells.
39
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,048
No, you're in the clear, Steve.
40
00:01:56,050 --> 00:01:56,982
Woody, what's this?
41
00:01:56,984 --> 00:01:59,451
"Low-efficiency AC unit"?
42
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,220
It's hot, dummy.
43
00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:03,755
My ball sack's sticking
to the inside of my thighs.
44
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:05,991
When I spread my legs,
it looks like the Batman symbol.
45
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:07,493
Okay, ew!
46
00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:09,995
Woody, your environmental
irresponsibility
47
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,997
is part of the reason
it's so hot.
48
00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:13,298
It's global warming.
49
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,833
Global warming?
50
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:17,002
You believe
in that fairy-tale bullshit?
51
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:18,837
You also believe
in Santa Claus
52
00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:20,806
and the myth
of the female orgasm?
53
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,941
It's real.
We have proof.
54
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:24,443
Yeah,
I've got all these
55
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:26,111
Indonesian squirting videos
that show--
56
00:02:26,113 --> 00:02:27,146
Not that, Connie.
57
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:28,847
Global warming.
58
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,449
Even the polar ice caps
are melting.
59
00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:31,750
Oh, no!
60
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:34,653
Ice is melting
5 million miles away.
61
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:38,090
Let me flash my sweaty sack
to the sky and call Batman.
62
00:02:38,092 --> 00:02:39,358
Look at this.
63
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,026
If the CO2 levels
go into the red,
64
00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:43,095
it could set off
an environmental disaster
65
00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:44,796
worse than we've ever seen.
66
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:46,298
I guess you've never been
downwind of Connie
67
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,799
after a Del Taco run.
68
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:50,369
Environmental disaster
my ass.
69
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,437
Cows fart out
more greenhouse gases
70
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:53,438
than we produce.
71
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,007
It's natural.
72
00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:57,476
Carbon dioxide is as safe
as that barrel of Freon.
73
00:02:57,478 --> 00:03:01,380
[screaming]
74
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:03,382
Woody, for once,
try not to be
75
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:05,884
such an ignorant,
stubborn dickbag.
76
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:08,153
We've all got to shrink
our carbon footprints.
77
00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:09,555
I got a better idea.
78
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:12,624
I'm going to expand
my carbon footprint.
79
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:16,461
In fact, this ignorant,
stubborn dickbag is gonna have
80
00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:19,031
the biggest goddamn
carbon footprint in history
81
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:21,667
just to prove you wrong.
82
00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:23,335
I better get inside.
83
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,904
I don't feel so goo--
84
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,609
Dibs on
the back tits.
85
00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:33,545
♪ Happy Dappy Bird ♪
86
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,380
♪ I love Dappy Bird ♪
87
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,683
♪ I have no life,
and I'm dead on the inside ♪
88
00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:39,551
♪ Happy Dappy Bird ♪
89
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,020
Hey!
Why'd you throw away my phone?
90
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:44,856
Because it's up to us
to counterbalance the damage
91
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:47,025
that Woody is doing
to this planet.
92
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:51,330
We've got to go green and cut
our carbon footprints to zero.
93
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,065
Can I at least keep
my vibrator?
94
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,833
It's green.
95
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:57,336
I'm pretty sure it was white
when you bought it.
96
00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,338
I feel like we've made
some good progress here.
97
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,540
I can feel Mother Earth
healing.
98
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:03,208
[engine revving]
99
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:05,510
[parade music]
100
00:04:05,512 --> 00:04:07,179
(Woody)
Hey, Ethel, how do you like
101
00:04:07,181 --> 00:04:09,881
my "global warming's bullshit"
parade?
102
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:12,217
Yay!
A parade!
103
00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:13,852
Shut up, Connie.
104
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:15,954
This whole thing is
a "[bleep] you" to me.
105
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:17,589
What makes you feel
that way?
106
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:18,624
That sign does.
107
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:20,192
[laughing]
108
00:04:20,194 --> 00:04:22,894
Every float expands
my carbon footprint,
109
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:26,598
including the Woody Johnson
musical farting cows.
110
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,501
[cows farting 1812 Overture]
111
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,973
[laughing]
112
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:37,142
Now, how can that
not put a smile on your face?
113
00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:40,045
- I hate cows.
- What? How could you hate cows?
114
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:41,780
There's something off
about them.
115
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,815
They're always watching us
with those dead eyes.
116
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,417
It's like
they're planning something.
117
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:47,452
You scared of cows!
118
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,154
I'm not scared of cows.
119
00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:50,722
Well, let's go say hello.
120
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,157
No, no, no!
121
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:53,592
[laughing]
Hey, everybody,
122
00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:54,760
Malloy's scared of cows!
123
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:56,261
Okay, maybe a little.
124
00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:57,996
But it's
because of my animal instinct.
125
00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,564
I have heightened senses.
126
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:00,766
Trust me,
I don't want this gift.
127
00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:02,434
[sniffs]
128
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,169
Connie, it's going to be
a heavy flow day.
129
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:05,437
(Connie)
Thanks, Malloy.
130
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:07,172
Well, I think cows
are cool,
131
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,940
especially ones
that can fart Mozart.
132
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:10,242
[farting Symphony Number 40
in G Minor]
133
00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:11,643
[laughing]
134
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,645
Oh, Ethel,
you should see the look
135
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,480
on your stupid fa--
Ahh!
136
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:21,253
[screaming]
Cold!
137
00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:22,788
Ahh!
138
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:25,290
From now on,
no more hot water, Connie!
139
00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:26,491
What is that light?
140
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,293
(Connie)
A smoke detector.
141
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:31,430
[Ethel screaming]
142
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:34,700
Whoa.
Are you off your meds?
143
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:38,470
I mean, yeah,
[bleep] you, smoke detector.
144
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:41,506
We've gotta go somewhere
that's 100% green.
145
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:47,212
Why should we accept you two
outsiders into our community?
146
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:49,481
Because living here
free of technology
147
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:52,451
is the only way we can stop
contributing to global warming.
148
00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:54,853
I'm sorry,
but our community doesn't need
149
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,655
any more nagging harpies.
150
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,056
Now please leave.
151
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:01,226
[grunting]
152
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:02,794
Okay.
153
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,296
Here's the key
to your house,
154
00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:06,198
and your ox can stay
in the barn.
155
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,200
What?
3 grand?
156
00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:10,602
Why the hell is my power bill
so high?
157
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,241
It's beautiful, Woody.
158
00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:18,477
Yeah, but trying to make
carbon footprint history
159
00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:20,245
is making me go broke.
160
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:21,847
Steve, climb to the top
of that transformer
161
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:24,349
and steal me
some electricity.
162
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:27,252
I guess I gotta
cut through this wire.
163
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,987
Steve, you idiot,
you're gonna get electrocuted!
164
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:30,722
Be safe.
165
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,724
Use the wet, non-grounded
metal hedge clippers.
166
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,660
Good thinking.
167
00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:37,229
[screaming]
168
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,365
Oh, no!
169
00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:41,733
Are you okay...
170
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,368
Hedge clippers?
171
00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:44,836
God damn it, Steve,
you melted them.
172
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:46,938
[groaning]
173
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,607
These were
my favorite hedge clippers,
174
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:51,510
you dumb son of a--
ow!
175
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,278
Woody, move!
176
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:54,746
The transformer's
going to fall and crush you.
177
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,415
I saw it happen.
178
00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:58,717
What the hell
are you talking about, Steve?
179
00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:00,719
- Move!
- [grunts]
180
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:03,755
Holy crap, Steve.
You can see the future.
181
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,757
[flatulence]
182
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,260
[chuckles]
Love them farting cows.
183
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:10,729
Now, play us out, ladies.
184
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:13,665
[farting the Can Can]
185
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,442
And then,
Steve saw into the future.
186
00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:24,810
He is awesome.
187
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:26,611
Aw, seeing into the future
is impossible.
188
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,547
So is Steve being awesome.
189
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,482
Hey, lay off
my new favorite ranger.
190
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,217
Show 'em, Steve.
Do it again.
191
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,785
I'm glad you're impressed,
Woody,
192
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,454
but I don't know
how I did it.
193
00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:36,755
I just got a shock
and then--
194
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:39,057
[grunting]
195
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,759
Denzel,
you're about to get punched.
196
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,294
See, this is bullshit.
197
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:43,795
Nobody's about to pu--
Hey!
198
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,565
That's for ruining
60 years of marriage.
199
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,133
See?
I told you.
200
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,902
Steve, I am gonna put
your power to good use.
201
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,771
- It is amazing.
- Not really.
202
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:55,140
Denzel gets punched by old men
ten times a day.
203
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,142
Ha ha, I guess I do--
ow!
204
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,743
You son of a bitch.
205
00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:01,346
How am I supposed to follow
that black anaconda?
206
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:04,082
It's like
I'm [bleep] a basketball hoop.
207
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,351
[rooster crows]
208
00:08:06,353 --> 00:08:08,987
[groaning]
What time is it?
209
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,822
4:30 a.m.
210
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,958
This was your first night,
so we let you sleep in.
211
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:13,925
Morning, Ethel.
212
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:15,527
Whoa.
213
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:17,796
You took away
my electric razor, remember?
214
00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:20,465
That's the saddest beard
I've seen since Kelly Preston.
215
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:21,700
[laughing]
216
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:23,602
We don't know who that is.
217
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:25,937
Sister Ethel,
you will do the house chores.
218
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:27,839
Brother Connie,
you will work with the rest
219
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,708
of the men in the fields.
220
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:32,244
- Whee!
- [screaming]
221
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,724
[cow moos]
[all scream]
222
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:54,399
[cows mooing on TV]
223
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:56,568
Ha ha.
Stupid cows.
224
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,203
[cowbell rings]
- What was that?
225
00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,538
[cowbell rings]
226
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:02,007
Is that you,
Blue Oyster Cult?
227
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,208
[knocking]
228
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,113
[screams]
229
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,852
- [screams]
- [laughs]
230
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:14,886
You're a little pussy.
231
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,555
I wasn't scared!
232
00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:18,757
Oh, cow, don't stab me
with that knife
233
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:20,392
that you're somehow holding
with no hands
234
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,160
or fingers
or opposable thumbs.
235
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,396
Just leave me alone.
236
00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:26,264
Hey, is that
Slaughter House 5?
237
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,666
Watch this.
238
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,000
I know how to unlock
the bolt gun.
239
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:31,937
[cows mooing on TV]
240
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,945
All right, Steve, let's not draw
any attention to ourselves.
241
00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:43,214
[groaning]
242
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:46,518
28 black.
243
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,019
Winner.
28 black.
244
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:50,021
Yes!
Mwah!
245
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,924
We are just getting started,
Steve-arino.
246
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,893
But, Woody, I could die
from all these shocks.
247
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:56,127
Let's check.
248
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,596
Do you die
from all these shocks?
249
00:09:57,598 --> 00:10:00,131
[screaming]
No.
250
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:01,900
Then let's clean
this bitch out!
251
00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:04,869
[upbeat music]
252
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:11,610
♪ ♪
253
00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:14,546
I never thought I'd say this,
but good job, Steve.
254
00:10:14,548 --> 00:10:16,314
Thanks, Woody.
255
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,316
But, uh, what are you gonna do
with all of this money?
256
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:21,987
I'm gonna use it to keep a
little promise I made to Ethel.
257
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:28,059
[coughs]
258
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,961
With us today
is Woody Johnson,
259
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,397
the man with the biggest
carbon footprint on Earth.
260
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:35,333
Neil, your head is
even more gigantic in person.
261
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,302
- It's very impressive.
- Thanks.
262
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,137
Woody, what exactly
does your company,
263
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,972
Woody Johnson Inc., produce?
264
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,642
We produce carbon dioxide.
265
00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,110
- That's it?
- Yep.
266
00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:47,278
We need more heroes like you,
Mr. Johnson.
267
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,114
Wouldn't you agree,
Bill Nye?
268
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,650
No, I couldn't disagree more.
269
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,918
That bow tie makes me want
to punch the shit out of you.
270
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,987
Neil, global warming
is real.
271
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,857
And the CO2 level
in Brickleberry Industrial Park
272
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:00,458
is the highest on record.
273
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:02,994
A scientist is basically
a gay wizard.
274
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,629
Scientifically speaking,
275
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:07,165
it's almost
in the dangerous red zone.
276
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,134
What happens
if it goes into the red?
277
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:11,369
We don't really know,
but it won't be good.
278
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,438
Knowingly increasing
your carbon footprint
279
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:17,042
like Mr. Johnson is doing
is absolutely despicable.
280
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:20,011
I'm Bill Nye.
This dick tastes so good.
281
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,213
Nummy, nummy.
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
282
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:27,285
This was the worst day
of my life!
283
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:29,454
This was the best day
of my life.
284
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:31,322
How was your day,
Sister Ethel?
285
00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:32,857
Greatest day ever.
286
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,159
Oh, boy, oh, boy,
oh, boy.
287
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:36,061
I think
we should live here forever.
288
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:38,329
I really feel at home
among the Aim-ish.
289
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:39,798
First of all,
it's Amish!
290
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,067
Second, your face
looks like a fat turd
291
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:43,501
rolled in orangutan hair.
292
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,503
But at prayer service,
you said I looked like
293
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:47,539
Abe Lincoln raped
Carrot Top.
294
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:49,808
I need some alone time!
[sighs]
295
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:52,510
I guess I'll go read The Bible
by candlelight.
296
00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:54,079
Oh.
297
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,881
Ethel, I'm sorry
I mispronounced Am-osh.
298
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,383
I, uh, hey!
299
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,518
Connie!
300
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:04,723
[gasps]
Is that Happy Dappy Bird?
301
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:07,592
How could you do this after you
made me throw away all my stuff?
302
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:09,260
Living like this
was just too hard.
303
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:10,862
You're a hypocrite,
304
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,764
and you broke the rules
of our Aa-mish people.
305
00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:14,432
I'm sorry, Connie.
306
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,534
Sorry?
307
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:18,937
Do you know how much it sucks
using a hand-cranked vibrator?
308
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:21,206
[creaking]
309
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:23,041
Now if you'll excuse me,
310
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:25,210
I've got to go pick
the splinters out of my cooch.
311
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,946
I've been pissing toothpicks
since Tuesday!
312
00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:32,050
(Malloy)
Every 3 feet.
313
00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:33,084
You know what that means?
314
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,586
That cows shit a lot?
315
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:36,354
It's a sign.
316
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,456
The cows are trying
to communicate something.
317
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,358
What are you,
some kind of conspiracy nut?
318
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,026
These cows are probably
just trying to say
319
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:43,628
"free psychedelic mushrooms."
320
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,430
You haven't been eating those,
have you?
321
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,432
Now what makes you
say that?
322
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,402
Okay, Steve, I need
some more important information
323
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:52,937
about the future.
324
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:55,406
Will I like
that new Adam Sandler movie?
325
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:56,808
[screaming]
326
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,743
[groans]
327
00:12:58,745 --> 00:13:01,112
You say it's about as funny
as Schindler's List.
328
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:02,747
Wow.
That funny?
329
00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:04,249
One more, Steve.
330
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:06,618
Will this chalupa
give me the shits?
331
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:09,287
[screaming]
332
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,223
[laughing maniacally]
333
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,261
This environmental disaster
334
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:18,163
that could mean
the end for mankind
335
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:20,899
is being blamed on one man:
Woody Johnson.
336
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,667
Oh, Jim, don't stop.
337
00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:24,369
(Jim)
I can't stop. I'm stuck.
338
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:30,108
[groaning]
339
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,843
Oh, you're alive.
340
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,845
I'll just save this
for later then.
341
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:36,247
Woody, Ethel was right
about everything.
342
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,750
You've got to shut
this place down.
343
00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:40,518
God, don't tell me
you're going to start
344
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,453
with this global warming
horseshit.
345
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,756
Woody, we both know that
I can see the future, right?
346
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:46,191
Uh-huh.
347
00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:48,293
So when a person
that can see the future
348
00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:50,161
tells you that global warming
is real,
349
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,930
don't you think
you should believe him?
350
00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:54,365
I only believe hard facts,
like pregnant virgins,
351
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,301
talking snakes,
and magical Jews.
352
00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:57,969
It's simple.
353
00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:01,472
Shut this place down,
or everyone will die.
354
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:04,275
If you want Woody Incorporated
shut down,
355
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:07,111
you'll have to kill me first.
356
00:14:07,113 --> 00:14:08,546
Now, future boy,
357
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:09,948
tell me
if you saw this coming.
358
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:12,350
[screaming]
359
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,452
[phone ringing]
360
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:15,954
What's up, Woody?
361
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:18,223
Steve, real quick
before you go splat,
362
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,991
will the chalupa
give me the shits?
363
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,459
Yes, it will.
364
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,962
Ah, [bleep] it.
I'm eating it anyway.
365
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:26,364
[farts]
Oh! That was quick.
366
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:31,369
Denzel,
we have to kill Woody.
367
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,238
- Yep.
- Don't you want to know why?
368
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,473
- Nope.
- But I'm no match for Woody.
369
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,375
Steve, you have the ability
to see into the future.
370
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,310
You're like a superhero.
371
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:40,845
That's only
when I'm being shocked.
372
00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:42,080
Yeah, well, I guess
it's one in the pee-hole
373
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:43,047
and two in the b-hole.
374
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,048
Let's get to it.
375
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,984
With electricity.
376
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,385
Oh, then we need to come up
with some new technology,
377
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,853
so you can control
your superpower.
378
00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:50,855
A shock collar?
379
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,156
Aren't these for dogs?
380
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:54,058
Yeah, just bark
to activate it.
381
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,860
I thought you said
this would be cool,
382
00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:57,161
like Iron Man.
383
00:14:57,163 --> 00:14:59,430
One, Tony Stark
is a billionaire.
384
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,233
And two, I'm still high
as [bleep] on mushrooms.
385
00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:08,072
Okay, Ethel, you can do this.
[grunting]
386
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:10,708
Screw it!
387
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:13,544
See? I told you
she was breaking the rules.
388
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:15,113
What are we going to do
to her, brothers?
389
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,448
Give her extra laundry duty?
390
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:19,584
Let this be a lesson
to all of you.
391
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,052
Technology is evil.
392
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:24,255
And those of you who use it
must die.
393
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,057
Uh, don't you guys think
this is a little harsh?
394
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:28,026
No.
395
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:31,896
And there's only one thing
worse than technology:
396
00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:34,399
tattletales.
397
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:36,034
God damn it.
398
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:41,472
You here to kill me,
future boy?
399
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,741
Woody, I'm gonna give you
one more chance
400
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:45,143
to shut this plant down.
401
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:50,281
Sure. Let me just grab
my shut-down button.
402
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:53,051
Looking for this?
Give it up.
403
00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:55,787
With this collar,
all I have to do is bark,
404
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:57,822
and I'll know everything you're
gonna do before you do it.
405
00:15:57,824 --> 00:15:59,624
Crap.
Really?
406
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,492
Well, what happens next?
Do I beat the shit out of you?
407
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,795
- No.
- I do now.
408
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:07,732
- Ahh!
- [barking]
409
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,600
[panting]
410
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,402
Oh, look, over there!
411
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:14,172
Viggo Mortensen is behind you
sucking himself off.
412
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:17,809
I know you're lying.
[groans]
413
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:20,078
I have to look.
414
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,946
[panting]
415
00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,247
[beeping]
416
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,956
- Whew.
- I knew you'd hide here.
417
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:34,025
[screaming]
418
00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:35,660
Quick, take me
to the airport.
419
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,695
So you can
fly to Australia
420
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:39,797
and change your name
to Rick Swordfire?
421
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:41,766
Oh, God damn it!
422
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:44,869
[panting]
423
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:47,205
My powers are too much
for you, Woody.
424
00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:49,340
Yeah, but you're still stupid.
425
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:52,343
[dogs barking]
- [screams]
426
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,313
At this rate,
we'll starve to death
427
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:57,048
before we burn to death.
428
00:16:57,050 --> 00:17:01,719
Well, it's been
five hours, but...
429
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:04,322
I think I've got it
just about start--
430
00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:06,391
[farts]
431
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:08,826
Sorry.
Front fart.
432
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:09,861
(all)
Aww!
433
00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,729
Calm down, people.
434
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,998
Stake burnings
always take a while.
435
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,034
Unless you all know
a better way.
436
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,468
I've got a lighter.
437
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,237
God damn it.
438
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:20,972
Connie, I've got an idea.
439
00:17:20,974 --> 00:17:23,374
Reach in my pocket
and grab my--whoa!
440
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:26,177
Phone!
Grab my phone, you idiot.
441
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:28,813
Oh, I thought you wanted
to go out with a bang.
442
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:31,516
- A finger ba--
- Yeah, I got it.
443
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:34,185
Happy Dappy Bird?
444
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,354
This is evil technology.
445
00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:38,356
It's a--oh!
446
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:41,359
Oh, no, watch out
for that pipe, Dappy Bird.
447
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:42,560
- Me next!
- Me too!
448
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,096
[all laughing]
449
00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:48,166
Wait.
What are we doing?
450
00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:49,934
God damn it.
451
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:51,569
Who the hell's gonna light
all these?
452
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,073
What the hell
is all this?
453
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:56,874
I've had a breakthrough,
Denzel.
454
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:59,243
What do cows eat?
455
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,079
- Grass?
- Grass.
456
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:05,883
Grassy knoll?
Cows killed JFK.
457
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:07,785
Why the hell would a cow
want to kill the President?
458
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:10,121
Can't you see
that it's all coming to a head?
459
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:12,023
They are getting ready
for something.
460
00:18:12,025 --> 00:18:13,858
Look at these satellite photos
from all over the world.
461
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:17,061
Cows are grouping together,
organizing,
462
00:18:17,063 --> 00:18:19,030
forming into some kind of--
463
00:18:19,032 --> 00:18:20,731
Herd?
464
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:22,533
I was gonna say clan,
but I'm in mixed company.
465
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,435
All right, I've had enough
of this nonsense.
466
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,238
There's only one way to beat
an irrational fear: face it.
467
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:30,541
I'm gonna prove to you that cows
are kind, peaceful animals.
468
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:31,742
How?
469
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:35,746
Hey! No! Off!
Ugh! Gross.
470
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:37,281
See?
She likes you.
471
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,784
[Woody panting]
472
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:45,323
Oh, shit!
473
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:48,292
You forced me to do this,
Woody.
474
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,994
Don't do it, Steve.
475
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,396
Woody, where did you hide
my Christmas presents?
476
00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:54,398
They're in the closet,
top shelf.
477
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,400
- Fire away, Steve.
- Yeah, Steve.
478
00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:58,102
This thing you told me to watch
but I forgot to watch
479
00:18:58,104 --> 00:18:59,403
is almost in the red.
480
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:07,945
[cow farts]
481
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:09,413
[ding]
482
00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:10,781
Oh, shit.
483
00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:13,718
[wind blowing]
484
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:16,821
You see?
Nothing happened.
485
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:19,390
[rumbling]
486
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:29,333
Hands up, humans.
487
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:30,768
What did I tell you?
488
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,675
You see,
thousands of years ago,
489
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:40,344
we sent a small group
of our kind to this planet.
490
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:43,014
Their mission was to rectally
release greenhouse gases
491
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:46,350
and raise them to a level
that our kind can thrive in.
492
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:48,519
Okay, is anyone else seeing
this shit?
493
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:52,023
We estimated that it would take
another 71 million years,
494
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:57,128
but thanks to this idiot,
we'll be taking over today.
495
00:19:57,130 --> 00:20:00,865
B-b-but we can live together
in peace and harmony, right?
496
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,800
Sure.
That's the plan.
497
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:03,834
Moo.
Moo moo moo moo moo.
498
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:05,570
They've been eating you?
499
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:06,871
Moo. Moo moo.
Moo moo moo moo moo.
500
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:09,373
Yanking on your teats?
501
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:10,841
Moo. Moo moo moo moo moo.
Moo.
502
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:12,243
But you're cool
with India?
503
00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:13,644
Got it.
504
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:17,181
Well, so much for peace
and harmony.
505
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:18,683
[screaming]
506
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:20,818
Woody!
507
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:24,055
Thank God we're home.
We'll be safe here.
508
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:27,391
(Denzel)
Yeah, we got
those mother[bleep], didn't we?
509
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,460
Denzel, no!
510
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:35,233
Thank God.
It was all a dream.
511
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,535
I must have went into a coma
when I got electrocuted
512
00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:38,703
on that transformer.
513
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:40,371
Oh, you're awake.
514
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:42,707
Just in time to go
into human slavery.
515
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:44,875
We'll take it from here,
Dr. Moo-zniak.
516
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,979
No.
No, no, no!
517
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:52,917
[all cheering]
518
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:55,853
This is awesome!
519
00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:57,421
[musical farting]
[screams]
520
00:20:57,423 --> 00:21:00,291
♪ ♪
[musical farting]
521
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:01,792
[farting]
♪♪♪ ♪
34039
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof