All language subtitles for Brickleberry.S03E11.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-pcsyndicate

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish Download
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:04,169 - NICE AND QUIET WITH NO WORK TO DO. 2 00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:05,537 JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT. 3 00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:06,505 - [sighs] 4 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,007 IT'S SO BORING HERE. 5 00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:09,875 ALL MY FINELY TUNED CRIME-FIGHTING SKILLS 6 00:00:09,877 --> 00:00:11,043 ARE GOING TO WASTE. 7 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,945 FINALLY, A LITTLE ACTION. 8 00:00:12,947 --> 00:00:14,113 [siren wails] 9 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:16,048 FREEZE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! 10 00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:19,718 - I JUST MISSED THE TRASH CAN. I WAS ABOUT TO PICK IT UP. 11 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,220 - SHUT UP, SCUMBAG. 12 00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:24,823 WE'VE GOT A, UH, 371-261. 13 00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,992 - YOU GOT A LITTER BUG RAPIST? 14 00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:29,395 - OH, A RAPIST TOO, HUH? 15 00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:31,563 PROCEEDING WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE. 16 00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:32,731 whack! - OW, OW, OW! 17 00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:33,866 - STEVE! 18 00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:36,068 - [high-pitched] OW, OW, OW! 19 00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:37,202 OW! 20 00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:40,205 [majestic music] 21 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,974 ♪ ♪ 22 00:00:41,976 --> 00:00:47,246 - ♪ BRICKLEBERRY ♪ 23 00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:51,050 - DAD, YOU BUSTED MORE CRIMINALS IN THIS PARK THAN ANY RANGER. 24 00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:53,919 I'LL FIND A WAY TO MAKE YOU PROUD, 25 00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:55,120 STARTING NOW. 26 00:00:56,023 --> 00:00:57,523 STARTING NOW. 27 00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:58,557 [flatulence squeaks] 28 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,092 AH, [bleep] IT. 29 00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,326 - [sniffs] 30 00:01:01,328 --> 00:01:03,495 GROSS. WHAT'S THAT SMELL? 31 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:06,899 - UH, IT'S BEEN ABOUT FIVE DAYS SINCE I TOOK A SHOWER. 32 00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:08,233 - WHAT? WHY? 33 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:09,568 - I'M GOING TO THE GYNO NEXT WEEK, 34 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,537 AND I WANT HIM TO EARN HIS MONEY. 35 00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:14,373 - [groaning] 36 00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:15,874 - WHAT HAPPENED, WOODY? 37 00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,776 - YOU BEEN BACKING UP TO GLORY HOLES AGAIN? 38 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:20,012 - NO, I GOT A GODDAMN HEMORRHOID. 39 00:01:20,014 --> 00:01:21,780 FEELS LIKE I'M TAKING IT UP THE ASS 40 00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:23,449 FROM A GINSU KNIFE. 41 00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:25,918 - NOW IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR... 42 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,920 ♪ DUN-DUN, DUN-DUN, DUN-DUN, DUN-DUN ♪ 43 00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:30,289 THE BRICKLEBERRY CRIME REPORT. 44 00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:31,924 - [groans] - THIS AGAIN? 45 00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:34,259 - I THOUGHT MY HEMORRHOID WAS A PAIN IN THE ASS. 46 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,727 - THERE IS... 47 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:38,464 [dark music plays] 48 00:01:38,466 --> 00:01:40,132 NO CRIME TO REPORT. 49 00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:42,434 - HAVEN'T SEEN THAT MUCH BUILDUP FOR A SHITTY REVEAL 50 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,970 SINCE EVERY M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN MOVIE. 51 00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:47,272 - IT'S NOT MY FAULT NOTHING EVER HAPPENS HERE. 52 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:50,309 - IT'S A NATIONAL PARK. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE BORING. 53 00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:52,211 IF YOU WANT SOME ACTION, GO BE A COP. 54 00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:53,445 - MAYBE I WILL. 55 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,247 THEY LOVE ME DOWN AT THE STATION. 56 00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:57,950 [laughter] 57 00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,551 - I LOVE YOU, BUDDY, 58 00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,320 BUT THERE'S NO WAY THEY'D LET YOU BE A COP. 59 00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:03,889 - DON'T FEEL BAD, STEVE. YOU'RE JUST STUPID. 60 00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,824 - I AM NOT STUPID. - OH, YEAH? 61 00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,826 WELL, HOW ABOUT THE TIME YOU "SAVED US" 62 00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:09,828 FROM THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE? 63 00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:10,896 - [groans] 64 00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,131 [gunshot] 65 00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:15,300 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 66 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:19,438 WE'RE FILMING A TV SHOW, YOU IDIOT! 67 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,006 - NICE TRY, WOODY, 68 00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:23,075 BUT I DON'T TAKE THAT FORM OF PAYMENT ANYMORE. 69 00:02:23,077 --> 00:02:24,443 - WHAT? - ALL RIGHT, WOODY. 70 00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:25,844 LAST TIME, BUT FROM NOW ON, 71 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,312 YOU WRITE A CHECK LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. 72 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:30,149 - NO, YOU LUNATIC, I'VE GOT A HEMORRHOID. 73 00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:32,184 - HMM, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO, WOODY? 74 00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:34,920 NOBODY LIKES A COCKTEASE. - JUST HACK THIS THING OFF. 75 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:37,256 IT'S KILLING ME. - SURE THING, WOODY. 76 00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:39,258 I'LL CHOP THIS RHOID OFF FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY-- 77 00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:42,027 JESUS CHRIST! - OH, NO, IS IT THAT BAD? 78 00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:44,196 - NO, YOU HAVE THE FACE OF JESUS CHRIST 79 00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:45,297 ON YOUR HEMORRHOID. 80 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:47,499 [angelic musical flourish] 81 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,002 OH, NO, THIS EPISCOPALIAN'S NOT TOUCHING THAT THING. 82 00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:51,937 - DON'T BE SILLY. IT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE. 83 00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,539 YOU GOT TO CUT IT OFF FOR ME, DOC. 84 00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:55,007 I CAN'T EVEN SIT DOWN. 85 00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:57,376 - OH, I WOULD NEVER COMMIT BLASPHEMY, WOODY. 86 00:02:57,378 --> 00:03:01,713 NOW, GO TO YOUR GODDAMN HOUSE AND SIT ON THE FACE OF JESUS. 87 00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,949 - SO I KICKED THE DOOR IN AND EMPTIED MY GLOCK 88 00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,117 INTO THOSE TWO CRACKHEADS. 89 00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:06,685 - [laughs] 90 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,053 SO I GUESS YOU DIDN'T READ THEM THEIR RIGHTS. 91 00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:10,489 - SURE, I DID. THEIR LAST RITES. 92 00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:13,625 [laughter] 93 00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:16,695 - [snorting, laughing] 94 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,697 - WILLIAMS, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? 95 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,032 - I MADE AN ARREST. 96 00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:22,834 SICK BASTARD WAS SHITTING IN THE WOODS. 97 00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:24,403 I PUT HIM IN A HOLDING CELL FOR YOU. 98 00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:25,470 - OH, NO! 99 00:03:25,472 --> 00:03:29,074 [all screaming] 100 00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:31,877 - I WAS HOPING YOU GUYS COULD PUT ME ON A FEW CASES. 101 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,512 THINGS HAVE BEEN KIND OF SLOW AT THE PARK. 102 00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:34,846 - OH, SURE. 103 00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,715 WHY DON'T YOU GO TALK TO CHIEF PIERCE? 104 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,484 HE LOVES IT WHEN PEOPLE INTERRUPT HIS HOBBY TIME. 105 00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:41,220 - THANKS FOR THE TIP, BRIGGS. 106 00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:43,255 [calm music playing] 107 00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:44,923 CHIEF PIERCE! - OH! 108 00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,758 I'M LOOMING HERE. 109 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,493 SON OF A BITCH! 110 00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:51,063 YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO MAKE THAT BRACELET? 111 00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,398 - I WANT TO BE A COP, DADDY. 112 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,933 - WELL, SON, PUT YOUR TICKET IN THIS RAFFLE, 113 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,835 AND MAYBE YOU WILL. 114 00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:01,840 - HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 115 00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:04,576 - JUST FILLING THESE OUT FOR MY KIDS. 116 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:05,777 - HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU HAVE? 117 00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,579 - [stammers] 118 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,548 150? 119 00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:12,517 MY WIFE'S VAGINA LOOKS LIKE A POPPED WATER BED. 120 00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:16,421 - HEY, I WASN'T DONE WITH THAT. 121 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,522 - OW, AH, OW. 122 00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:18,924 [sighing] OH, YEAH. 123 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,425 - KEEP IT. 124 00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:22,561 - I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT NO DOCTOR IN TOWN 125 00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:24,863 WOULD OPERATE ON MY MUSHROOMING MESSIAH. 126 00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:27,733 BUNCH OF RELIGIOUS KOOKS SEEING JESUS EVERYWHERE. 127 00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:29,434 WATER STAINS, BURNT TOAST, 128 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,969 NOW MY BALLOON KNOT. 129 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:33,405 - THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS. 130 00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:35,440 - DID YOU FIND OUT ANYTHING ON WEBMD 131 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,543 WITH THAT PICTURE YOU TOOK OF MY SO CALLED HOLY HEMORRHOID? 132 00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:40,946 - NO, BUT IT'S ALREADY GOT 7,000 RETWEETS. 133 00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,414 - WHAT? - CALM DOWN. 134 00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:43,482 I TAGGED YOU. 135 00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:45,450 [knock at door] 136 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:46,551 - JESU CHRISTO. 137 00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:48,053 LET US SEE HIM. - HEY, HEY! 138 00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,321 WHAT ARE YOU DOING, LADY? 139 00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:51,156 YOU CAN'T WORSHIP MY TURD GUTTER! 140 00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:53,625 [screams] 141 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:56,828 - AND THE WINNER OF OUR LITTLE COP FOR A DAY IS 142 00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,297 STEVE WILLIAMS. 143 00:04:58,299 --> 00:04:59,631 all: AW. 144 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,967 - YEAH! SUCK IT, LOSERS. 145 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,802 - JESUS CHRIST. ALL RIGHT. 146 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,937 EVERYBODY GIVE LITTLE OFFICER WILLIAMS 147 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:07,306 A WARM WELCOME. 148 00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:09,107 all: BOO! 149 00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:10,976 - THANK YOU. IT'S AN HONOR. 150 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:11,977 [gunshot] 151 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,478 - BRIGGS, CUT IT OUT. 152 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:14,680 JUST FOR THAT, WILLIAMS WILL BE YOUR PARTNER 153 00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:15,947 FOR THE DAY. 154 00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,349 - YEAH, BUT--BUT, CHIEF. - BRIGGS! 155 00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:19,351 THAT'S AN ORDER. - COME ON, PARTNER. 156 00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,687 LET'S GO FIGHT SOME CRIME. 157 00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:24,823 [imitating wailing siren] 158 00:05:27,261 --> 00:05:30,128 - TELL ME WHO YOU WORK FOR. - LET ME HANDLE THIS. 159 00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:34,833 WHAT? 160 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,501 I THOUGHT WE WERE PLAYING GOOD COP/GAY COP. 161 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:39,204 I CAN BREAK HIM. 162 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:41,206 WHOO-HOO! 163 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,043 NO RUBBERS, NO DUCT TAPE, NO ROOFIES? 164 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,512 WHAT KIND OF RAPE KIT IS THIS? 165 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:49,348 HMM, WHAT IS THAT? 166 00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:53,185 - [speaking gibberish] 167 00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:56,321 all: JESUS! JESUS! 168 00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:58,824 - PLEASE, BLESS MY SICK CHILD. 169 00:05:58,826 --> 00:05:59,958 [baby cries] 170 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,829 - I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS MANY SCREAMING MEXICANS 171 00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,063 SINCE BUS PASSES WENT UP. 172 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,531 - THIS IS YOUR FAULT, MALLOY. 173 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,033 - WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHOW IT TO THEM? 174 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,368 - NO, THERE'S NO WAY I'M SHOWING 175 00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:11,370 MY DISGUSTING HEMORRHOID TO ANYBODY. 176 00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:13,739 I BOUGHT THIS CREAM TO SHRINK THE BASTARD. 177 00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,809 - OH, JESU CHRISTO. DIOS MIO. 178 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,713 DIOS MIO. JESU CHRISTO. 179 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:22,848 DIOS MIO. 180 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:24,883 JESU CHRISTO. 181 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,185 - GOD DAMN IT! 182 00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:30,055 - [weakly] JUST A LITTLE BLESSING. 183 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,423 - THAT'S IT! 184 00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:33,492 I'M GONNA SAW THIS THING OFF MYSELF. 185 00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:35,660 - DON'T DO THAT, MY SON. - HUH? 186 00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:38,864 WHO SAID THAT? - IT IS I, JESUS. 187 00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:41,733 NOW, I WANT YOU TO SHOW MY FACE TO THE PEOPLE. 188 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:44,569 SPREAD THE WORD BY SPREADING YOUR CHEEKS. 189 00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:48,840 - WHATSOEVER THOU SAYETH, MY LORD. 190 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:52,177 - THANK YOU, JESUS VOICE APP LITE VERSION. 191 00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:54,246 WHERE MY HOS AT? 192 00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,284 - SHOULDN'T WE CHECK THAT OUT? 193 00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:01,186 - NOT IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, ROOKIE. 194 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:04,456 NO COP HAS EVER BEEN ABLE TO TAKE DOWN THE SATAN'S BFFs. 195 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,057 - SO YOU'RE AFRAID OF THOSE GUYS? 196 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,426 - WATCH YOUR MOUTH, WILLIAMS. 197 00:07:07,428 --> 00:07:09,261 I'M THE TOUGHEST COP ON THE FORCE. 198 00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:12,030 IF I WASN'T, YOU THINK CHIEF WOULD'VE GIVEN ME THIS? 199 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:13,365 - WHOA. 200 00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:14,900 OH, MAN. 201 00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:16,701 I'VE ONLY GOT TEN MORE MINUTES AS A COP. 202 00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:18,136 I WANT TO DO SOMETHING COOL. 203 00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,971 - I'VE GOT THE PERFECT LAST ASSIGNMENT 204 00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:21,606 FOR YOU, WILLIAMS. 205 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,942 - [mockingly] EH, GO BUY ME A COFFEE 206 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,310 AND A HOT DOG. 207 00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:28,313 STUPID BRIGGS. 208 00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:30,949 HEY! 209 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,452 COOL SKI MASK. - HANDS UP, PIG! 210 00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:34,786 - HOLY CRAP! 211 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,988 [majestic musical flourish] 212 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,990 - [screams] 213 00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:41,626 [gagging] 214 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:42,828 [sirens wail] 215 00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,663 - BRIGGS, YOU TAKING A NAP? 216 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,631 I JUST GOT AN URGENT TEXT FROM MY FAT WIFE, 217 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,233 WHO I LOVE VERY, VERY MUCH. 218 00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:50,335 SHE'S IN THAT STORE BEING HELD HOSTAGE. 219 00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,170 EITHER THAT OR SHE SMELLED SAUSAGE. 220 00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,639 IT'S HARD FOR HER TO TEXT WITH HER FAT [bleep] FINGERS. 221 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,741 - WHAT? I JUST SENT WILLIAMS IN THERE. 222 00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:59,144 - WILLIAMS? SOMEBODY CALL THE FUNERAL HOME. 223 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,679 TELL 'EM TO GET A KING-SIZED CASKET 224 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:03,682 AND A TUB OF BUTTER TO SQUEEZE HER FAT ASS IN THERE. 225 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:05,784 - BETTER CANCEL THAT ORDER, CHIEF. 226 00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:08,119 - WILLIAMS, MY FAT WIFE-- YOU SAVED HER. 227 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,354 THANK GOD. 228 00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:10,689 - GLAD I COULD DO SOMETHING RIGHT 229 00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,357 DURING MY LAST FEW MINUTES AS A COP. 230 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:15,026 - WILLIAMS, YOU HAVE GOT A JOB ON THE HAZELHURST PD 231 00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:16,828 AS LONG AS YOU WANT IT. 232 00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,400 - OOH, I GET SO HORNY WATCHING HER EAT. 233 00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:28,106 - [sniffs] 234 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,875 EWW. 235 00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:31,343 - I'D LIKE TO THANK STEVE WILLIAMS 236 00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:33,111 FOR HIS ACT OF BRAVERY. 237 00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:36,715 THIS MAN SAVED MY FAT WIFE, WHO SEEMS TO BE IN A SUGAR COMA 238 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:39,818 AFTER WIPING OUT OUR DOUGHNUTS. 239 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,620 AND SO IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE 240 00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:44,623 TO NAME STEVE WILLIAMS OUR NEW TOP COP. 241 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:47,659 - BUT I'M THE TOP COP. - GIVE ME THE BRACELET, BRIGGS. 242 00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,060 GIVE ME THE BRACELET, BRIGGS. 243 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,363 whack! 244 00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:52,998 - WHAT AN HONOR. 245 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,166 MY DAD WOULD BE SO PROUD. 246 00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,636 - STEVE, I HAVE TO SAY THAT WE'RE IMPRESSED. 247 00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,538 - BY YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENT, NOT BY YOUR BRACELET. 248 00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,239 - YEAH, THAT'S SUPER GAY. 249 00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:02,474 - WE'RE GONNA MISS YOU AT THE PARK, MAN. 250 00:09:02,476 --> 00:09:04,175 - I'D SAY THE SAME, 251 00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:06,378 BUT TOP COP DOESN'T HAVE TIME FOR HUMAN EMOTIONS. 252 00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:08,980 - MULTIPLE SHOTS FIRED AT SATAN'S BFFs MOTOR CLUB. 253 00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,215 POSSIBLE 187. 254 00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,150 [all whistling] 255 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:14,586 - THIS SOUNDS LIKE A JOB FOR OUR NEW TOP COP, 256 00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:17,088 UNLESS YOU'RE SCARED OF A FEW BIKERS. 257 00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:18,990 - [chuckling nervously] NO. 258 00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:21,593 OFFICER WILLIAMS WILL GET THE 411 259 00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:23,762 ON THAT 187. 260 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:27,532 I'M NOT AFRAID TO 69 A COUPLE OF BIKERS. 261 00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,034 [whispering] POLICE TALK. 262 00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:31,169 - DON'T DROP THAT BEAUTIFUL FAT BITCH. 263 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,671 SHE'S MY SOUL MATE. 264 00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:38,176 - BEHOLD, THE ALMIGHTY IN MY TIGHTY-WHITIES. 265 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,511 - [gasps] 266 00:09:39,513 --> 00:09:42,280 - SANTA MARIA! 267 00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:44,749 - ATTENTION, WEAK-MINDED SHEEP. 268 00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:47,385 DON'T FORGET TO BUY YOUR JEEZ-ASS T-SHIRTS 269 00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:48,687 AND LUNCH BOXES. 270 00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,522 - THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE, MOSTLY MEXICANS, 271 00:09:50,524 --> 00:09:53,258 HAVE MADE THE PILGRIMAGE TO SEE THIS HOLY HEMORRHOID, 272 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,859 WHAT SOME, MOSTLY MEXICANS, 273 00:09:54,861 --> 00:09:57,796 ARE CALLING A MODERN-DAY MIRACLE. 274 00:09:57,798 --> 00:10:00,432 - PEOPLE ARE FLOCKING TO SEE IT, YOUR EXCELLENCY. 275 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:03,435 - BRING HIM TO ME. WHAT IS THAT? 276 00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:05,570 - OH, YOU LIKE IT? CAFE PRESS. 277 00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:07,806 HERE, I GOT YOU A MOUSE PAD 278 00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:10,542 AND AN ALTAR BOY LOVE DOLL. 279 00:10:10,544 --> 00:10:13,478 [hard rock music playing] 280 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:19,951 ♪ ♪ 281 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:20,919 - [clears throat] 282 00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,153 EXCUSE ME. 283 00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,423 I GOT A DISTURBANCE CALL 284 00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:29,661 ABOUT A POSSIBLE MURDER? 285 00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,930 I JUST CAME TO SAY IT'S OKAY. WE FORGIVE YOU. 286 00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:32,998 BYE. 287 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,232 - YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED 288 00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:38,336 TO THE LAST COPS THAT CAME IN HERE? 289 00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:41,239 - HOW WOULD YOUR MOTHER FEEL ABOUT THIS MINDLESS KILLING? 290 00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:44,342 - WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER? 291 00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:45,744 - [gulps] 292 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,646 - I KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO TO THIS COP. 293 00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:50,248 JERK HIM OFF. - WHAT THE [bleep], RODNEY? 294 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,617 WHY WOULD WE DO THAT? - TO TEACH HIM A LESSON. 295 00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:53,985 - WHAT LESSON? 296 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,687 THAT SATAN'S BFFs GIVE HANDJOBS 297 00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:57,322 TO EVERY DUDE THAT COMES IN HERE? 298 00:10:57,324 --> 00:11:00,358 - SO WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE? - SHUT UP, RODNEY! 299 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:04,262 WE'RE GONNA GIVE THIS GUY A DIRT SLIDE RIDE. 300 00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,297 - HEY, THAT SOUNDS FUN. 301 00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:08,633 THIS ISN'T FUN. 302 00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:10,335 [screams] 303 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:13,104 WAIT, WAIT, STOP, STOP. IT'S IMPORTANT. 304 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:14,806 - WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT? 305 00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:17,275 - I-I NEED TO RUN TO MY CAR FOR A SECOND. 306 00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:19,010 I FORGOT TO SET THE PARKING BRAKE. 307 00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,046 - YEAH, WE'RE NOT GONNA FALL FOR THAT. 308 00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:24,115 [laughter] 309 00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:25,650 [explosion] 310 00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:28,019 - WE'RE GONNA MURDER YOU, PIG. 311 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,387 WHERE'D HE GO? 312 00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,356 - I DON'T MEAN TO BE AN ASSHOLE, 313 00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:35,226 BUT THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IF WE'D WENT WITH PLAN J-O. 314 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,995 - LOOKING GREAT. 315 00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:39,998 THAT'LL BE 50 BUCKS AND ALL OF YOUR SELF-RESPECT. 316 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,667 - I'M NOT WORTHY TO LOOK UPON YOUR FACE. 317 00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:44,569 I LOVE YOU, JESUS! 318 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,307 - YOU MUST BE THE PROPHET, WOODY JOHNSON. 319 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,209 - YUP, DOING GOD'S WORK HERE. 320 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:54,012 - [blubbering] 321 00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:56,181 - I'VE BEEN SENT HERE BY HIS HOLINESS, THE POPE. 322 00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:57,882 THE PONTIFF WANTS TO VERIFY YOUR HEMORRHOID 323 00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,217 AS A TRUE MIRACLE. 324 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,518 HE REQUESTS THAT YOU COME WITH ME 325 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,586 TO THE VATICAN AT ONCE. 326 00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,254 - DID YOU HEAR THAT, MALLOY? 327 00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,523 WE'RE GOING TO THE VATICAN TO MEET THE POPE. 328 00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,092 - I'M NOT SURE THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. 329 00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:08,493 HAVEN'T YOU EVER READ ANY OF THOSE HORRIBLE 330 00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:09,994 DAN BROWN NOVELS? 331 00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:11,596 - DON'T BE SILLY. IT'S A GREAT IDEA. 332 00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:13,164 HEY, CARDINAL, HOW ARE WE GETTING THERE? 333 00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,532 - TO THE POPE JET. 334 00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:18,002 [excited music] 335 00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:21,039 ♪ ♪ 336 00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:23,074 THE POPE WILL MEET YOU FIRST THING IN THE MORNING 337 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,275 FOR THE VETTING PROCESS. 338 00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,844 IF EVERYTHING GOES WELL, 339 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:28,279 YOUR HEMORRHOID WILL BE VERIFIED AS A TRUE MIRACLE. 340 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,949 - AND WHAT HAPPENS IF IT'S NOT? 341 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,383 - WELL, ACCORDING TO BIBLICAL LAW, 342 00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:34,085 A FALSE WITNESS WHO BREATHES OUT LIES 343 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,420 MUST BE PUNISHED. 344 00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,521 - OH, SHIT. 345 00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:37,956 - I'M NOT WORRIED, 346 00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:40,024 'CAUSE THIS 100% REAL, RIGHT, MALLOY? 347 00:12:40,026 --> 00:12:42,460 - AS REAL AS EVERY STORY IN THE BIBLE. 348 00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:43,895 - AS GUESTS OF HIS EXCELLENCY, 349 00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:46,231 I URGE YOU TO MAKE YOURSELVES AT HOME. 350 00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:47,732 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 351 00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,200 - OH, I JUST NOTICED THAT YOUR CEILING 352 00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,369 NEEDED SOME RESTORATION. 353 00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:54,239 HOLY CRAP, THE ARK OF THE COVENANT. 354 00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,908 WATCH THIS, MALLOY. HEY, YOU! 355 00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:58,643 - [screaming] 356 00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:00,145 - [laughs] 357 00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:03,915 GOT HIM. 358 00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:06,317 - THEY'LL NEVER FIND ME HERE. - WHO WON'T FIND YOU? 359 00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:07,385 [engine revving] 360 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:08,386 - [yelps] 361 00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:09,654 QUICK, CALL THE COPS. 362 00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:12,056 - YOU ARE THE COPS. - OH, YEAH. 363 00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:14,058 BRIGGS, SEND BACKUP. 364 00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:15,760 THESE BIKERS ARE GONNA KILL ME. 365 00:13:15,762 --> 00:13:16,761 - [laughs] 366 00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,329 I WAS HOPING THEY MIGHT. 367 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:20,999 YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, TOP COP. 368 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,567 DON'T WORRY, BABY. 369 00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:27,438 SOON YOU'LL BE BACK IN MY SWEET, SWEET ASS. 370 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,406 - [yelps] 371 00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,074 - YOU BLEW UP OUR CLUBHOUSE. 372 00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:32,410 - AND NOW WE'RE GONNA BLOW YOU. 373 00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:35,580 - GOD DAMN IT, RODNEY! WE TALKED ABOUT THIS. 374 00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:37,582 WE'RE GONNA KILL HIM. - THEN BLOW HIM? 375 00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:38,950 - NO! 376 00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:41,786 - THESE ARE SOME WEIRD-ASS [bleep] BIKERS. 377 00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:44,189 - TIME TO DIE, PORKY. 378 00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:46,624 - WAIT, WHAT IF I REPLACE YOUR CLUBHOUSE? 379 00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,827 - WITH WHAT? - HOW ABOUT THIS PLACE? 380 00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:52,630 IF YOU LET ME LIVE, YOU CAN HAVE THE RANGER STATION. 381 00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:55,266 - HMM, NICE FENG SHUI. 382 00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,635 OPEN CONCEPT, EXPOSED BRICK. 383 00:13:57,637 --> 00:13:59,137 YOU GOT A DEAL. 384 00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,272 I GUESS THE PIGGY GETS TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY, 385 00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,808 BUT HE STILL NEEDS TO LEARN A LESSON. 386 00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:05,143 WHERE'D HE GO? 387 00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:07,011 - I'M TEACHING HIM A LESSON, BOSS. 388 00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,346 - IT'S A GOOD ONE. 389 00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:13,151 - [whoops] 390 00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:14,986 - YEAH! YEAH, YEAH! 391 00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,821 - WELL, YOU WANTED MORE CRIME IN THE PARK. 392 00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:18,957 YOU GOT IT, STEVE. - SORRY, GUYS. 393 00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:20,525 THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. 394 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,627 MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST FIND A NEW PARK TO WORK AT. 395 00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,329 I HEAR SIX FLAGS IS HIRING. 396 00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:26,698 - OH, DON'T BE A PUSSY, STEVE. WHAT WOULD YOUR DAD SAY? 397 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,367 - YEAH, STEVE, THIS PARK IS OUR JURISDICTION. 398 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:30,902 WE'RE THE COPS HERE. 399 00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:33,538 - YEAH, AND IT'S UP TO US TO BUST THEM. 400 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,039 [shouts] 401 00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:36,007 [punches thwacking] 402 00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:38,576 [grunts] 403 00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:41,546 - OOH, I'M SO EXCITED TO MEET THE POPE, MALLOY. 404 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,848 MALLOY? - WOODY, MY SON. 405 00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:45,416 - OH, HEY, WHAT UP, JESUS? 406 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:46,818 - WHEN YOU MEET THE POPE TODAY, 407 00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,319 THERE'S A CHANCE HE MAY LOCK YOU UP 408 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:49,821 AND THROW AWAY THE KEY. 409 00:14:49,823 --> 00:14:52,390 - WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? - THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT. 410 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,425 JUST REMEMBER TO TELL THEM THAT YOUR BEAR CUB 411 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,327 HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS SCHEME. 412 00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,263 - SCHEME? WHAT SCHEME? 413 00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,732 - OVER AND OUT, MY SON. - MALLOY! 414 00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:01,833 YOU TRICKED ME. 415 00:15:01,835 --> 00:15:03,167 THIS WHOLE THING IS A LIE? 416 00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:04,736 HOLY SHIT. 417 00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:07,438 THE POPE WILL PROBABLY SEND US TO VATICAN PRISON. 418 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,841 WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. 419 00:15:09,843 --> 00:15:13,544 - HIS EXCELLENCY WILL SEE YOU NOW. 420 00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:17,081 - WHAT THE HELL IS RENEE ZELLWEGER DOING HERE? 421 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:20,051 [hard rock music] 422 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:21,886 ♪ ♪ 423 00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:24,122 - HEY! THAT'S MY DAD. 424 00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,290 GIVE THAT BACK. 425 00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:26,891 [yells and groans] 426 00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:29,861 I SHOULD'VE KNOWN I COULDN'T BE A COP. 427 00:15:29,863 --> 00:15:32,764 I'M SORRY I COULDN'T MAKE YOU PROUD, DAD. 428 00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:35,800 - YOU MAKE ME PROUD EVERY DAY, SON. 429 00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:37,902 - [screams] 430 00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:39,037 DAD? 431 00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:44,542 - YOU'RE A BRICKLEBERRY RANGER JUST LIKE I WAS. 432 00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,778 WHAT MORE COULD A FATHER ASK? 433 00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:48,646 - DIDN'T YOU EVER GET BORED HERE? 434 00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:51,749 - IF I DID, I'D JUST GO BEHIND A BUSH 435 00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:53,151 AND MASTURBATE. 436 00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:55,320 - OKAY. 437 00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:58,790 - SON, BE PROUD OF YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU ARE, 438 00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:01,125 A BRICKLEBERRY PARK RANGER. 439 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:05,063 NOW, GET OUT THERE AND TAKE YOUR PARK BACK, 440 00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,497 AND IF YOU NEED ME, 441 00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:09,133 I'LL BE JACKING OFF BEHIND THAT BUSH. 442 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:11,135 - YES, SIR. 443 00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,809 [dramatic music] 444 00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:20,144 ♪ ♪ 445 00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:22,313 I WAS WRONG FOR NOT APPRECIATING MY JOB. 446 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,749 SURE, BEING A PARK RANGER CAN BE BORING AND LAME 447 00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:27,018 AND PUT YOU AT A HIGH RISK FOR LYME DISEASE. 448 00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,653 - NOW YOU GOT ME WANTING TO QUIT. 449 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:29,754 - OH, SORRY. FOG BRAIN. 450 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,289 YOU KNOW I HAVE LYME DISEASE. 451 00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:33,358 NOW, I'VE GOT A PLAN TO GET THESE A-HOLES 452 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:34,959 OUT OF OUR PARK. 453 00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:37,528 - SORRY, I WAS ZONING OUT. I HAVE LYME DISEASE. 454 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:40,365 - WE KNOW. WE ALL GOT LYME DISEASE. 455 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:43,668 [hard rock music] 456 00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:46,704 - IT'S A GOOD THING ETHEL KEPT THAT SIGN 457 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:47,805 FROM MIDDLE SCHOOL. 458 00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:49,374 - I MUST HAVE A SECRET ADMIRER 459 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,943 WHO REMEMBERED MY BIRTHDAY. 460 00:16:51,945 --> 00:16:53,177 [screams] 461 00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:57,215 A CUBE OF WOLVES, MY ONLY FEAR! 462 00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:59,017 - ARE YOU SURE THIS WILL WORK? 463 00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:02,387 - YEAH, YOU'VE BEEN WEARING THEM FOR TEN STRAIGHT DAYS. 464 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:09,060 [all coughing] 465 00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:11,396 - FEELS LIKE MY LUNGS ARE MELTING. 466 00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:18,970 - GREETINGS, MY SON. I HAVE HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU. 467 00:17:18,972 --> 00:17:22,740 - UH, MR. POPE, SIR, I GOT SOMETHING TO CONFESS. 468 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,809 THIS THING, HEMORRHOID JESUS, 469 00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,044 IT'S NOT REAL. 470 00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:27,512 - [chuckles] 471 00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:29,213 I KNOW THAT. - YOU DO? 472 00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:31,682 HOW? - BECAUSE NONE OF IT'S REAL. 473 00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:33,818 RELIGION'S ALL A MADE-UP FAIRY TALE. 474 00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,754 - WELL, IF IT'S ALL MADE UP, WHAT'S THE POINT OF THE CHURCH? 475 00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,856 - MONEY. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT MONEY. 476 00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:40,391 ♪ MONEY, MONEY ♪ - ♪ YEAH ♪ 477 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,893 - ♪ MONEY, MONEY ♪ - ♪ UH-HUH ♪ 478 00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:43,394 - ♪ MONEY, MONEY, HUH ♪ - ♪ WHAT? ♪ 479 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,896 - ♪ MONEY, MONEY, UH ♪ - ♪ YEAH ♪ 480 00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:46,264 - ♪ MONEY, MONEY, MUH ♪ - ♪ WHAT? ♪ 481 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,398 - ♪ MONEY, MONEY, HUH, UH, HUH ♪ 482 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,699 - ♪ GET DOWN ♪ 483 00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,668 - AND THE POPE GETS REALLY ANGRY 484 00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:53,371 WHEN SOME PUNK BITCH STEALS WHAT'S HIS. 485 00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:56,107 - I'D NEVER DO THAT. - OH, YOU DID DO THAT. 486 00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:58,376 CATHOLICS, MOSTLY MEXICANS, 487 00:17:58,378 --> 00:18:00,845 ARE FLOCKING TO SEE YOUR HEMORRHOID 488 00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:03,181 INSTEAD OF GOING TO CHURCH, 489 00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:07,118 AND LESS CHURCH ATTENDANCE IS LESS MONEY. 490 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,120 AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE 491 00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:11,689 WHO SCREW WITH THE POPE'S MONEY? 492 00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:14,959 - SLAP ON THE WRIST WITH A FLIMSY RULER? 493 00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:16,127 - THEY DIE. 494 00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:17,462 - [screams] 495 00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,030 COULD YOU SIGN THIS FOR MY NIECE? 496 00:18:19,032 --> 00:18:20,932 SHE'S HALF MEXICAN. 497 00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:25,603 - I GUESS I'LL TAKE THESE GUYS DOWN TO THE POLICE STATION. 498 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,105 - NOT SO FAST, WILLIAMS. 499 00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:29,407 I'LL BE THE ONE TAKING THESE LOWLIFES IN. 500 00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:32,610 TAKING DOWN THE SATAN'S BFFs WILL IMPRESS THE CHIEF SO MUCH 501 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,612 HE'LL MAKE ME TOP COP AGAIN. 502 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,280 - WE'LL TELL THE CHIEF YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. 503 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,882 - NO, YOU WON'T, 504 00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:39,650 BECAUSE I'M GONNA PUT A BULLET IN ALL OF YOU. 505 00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,486 I'LL JUST SAY THE BIKERS DID IT. 506 00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:43,387 - SORRY I'M LATE. I--HEY. 507 00:18:43,389 --> 00:18:44,889 WHOSE PANTIES ARE THESE? 508 00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:47,091 [sniffs] 509 00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:48,226 UH-OH! 510 00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:53,498 - ALL RIGHT, TIME TO WASTE THESE GUYS. 511 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:54,799 [gun cocks] 512 00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,501 - FREEZE! FBI! 513 00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,769 - NO, YOU FREEZE. DEA. 514 00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:01,339 - EVERYBODY FREEZE. ATF. 515 00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:05,977 - DAMN, IS ANYBODY ELSE HERE UNDERCOVER? 516 00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:08,179 - SO WAS ANYBODY HERE A REAL BIKER? 517 00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:10,414 [all disagreeing] 518 00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:13,017 - SO FOR THE PAST TEN YEARS, WE'VE ALL BEEN DOING ANGEL DUST 519 00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:15,820 AND MURDERING PEOPLE, TRYING NOT TO BLOW OUR COVER, 520 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:18,289 AND NOBODY HERE IS A CRIMINAL? 521 00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:20,024 - TECHNICALLY I GUESS HE IS. 522 00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:21,159 HE'S KIND OF A DIRTY COP. 523 00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:22,460 [guns cocking] 524 00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:23,961 [gunfire] 525 00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,129 - [groans] 526 00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,131 - STEVE, BE CAREFUL OUT THERE. 527 00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:29,534 YOU'RE LUCKY YOU WEREN'T DEALING WITH REAL BIKERS. 528 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,302 - YEAH, REAL BIKERS WOULDN'T HAVE STOPPED 529 00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:33,538 AT A HANDJOB AND A LITTLE SUCKING. 530 00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:36,007 - GOOD ADVICE. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS GONNA DO NOW? 531 00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:39,644 - WELL, I GUESS WE CAN ALL GO BACK TO OUR NORMAL LIVES. 532 00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:41,546 ANYONE KNOW A GOOD METHADONE CLINIC? 533 00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:43,147 - IS DENZEL OKAY? 534 00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:45,483 [defibrillator whirring] 535 00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:47,852 - WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE AM I? 536 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,153 OOH, PANTIES. 537 00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:50,154 [sniffs] 538 00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:51,789 UH-OH! 539 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:56,027 - OKAY, FIRST YOUR HEMORRHOID, THEN YOUR THROAT. 540 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:04,068 [intense music] 541 00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,236 [gasps] 542 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:07,471 IT'S BEAUTIFUL. 543 00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:08,472 [yells] 544 00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:11,209 [speaking foreign language] 545 00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:12,977 [screams] 546 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:20,084 - HOLY CRAP, I KILLED THE POPE. 547 00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,519 I GOT TO TWEET THIS. 548 00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:22,887 - THANKS BE ONTO YOU 549 00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:25,223 FOR TAKING DOWN THAT CORRUPT POPE, MY SON. 550 00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:27,592 - OH, CUT IT OUT, MALLOY. - IT WASN'T ME. 551 00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:32,663 - STAND OVER A MIRROR SO I MIGHT GAZE UPON YOUR FACE. 552 00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,932 WOODY, FOR THIS GREAT WORK YOU DID, 553 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:37,702 YOU'LL BE REWARDED BY AN ETERNITY IN HELL. 554 00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:39,003 - HELL? 555 00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,072 WHY WOULD YOU SEND ME TO HELL, JESUS? 556 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:44,508 - I'M NOT JESUS. I'M SATAN. 557 00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:47,878 [laughing maniacally] 558 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:51,582 - I WILL VANQUISH THIS DEVIL. 559 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:53,050 - OH, JESUS. 560 00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:55,920 AH, YEAH. 36312

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.