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1
00:00:02,510 --> 00:00:04,111
Woody, I have the
results of your colonoscopy.
2
00:00:04,180 --> 00:00:07,081
Be honest, doc.
Do I have the ass cancer?
3
00:00:07,149 --> 00:00:09,349
I'm not going to sugarcoat it, Woody.
4
00:00:09,418 --> 00:00:13,067
- I found something alarming in there.
- No!
5
00:00:13,723 --> 00:00:17,941
- Oh, yeah, I accidentally sat on that.
- Really? These too?
6
00:00:18,027 --> 00:00:19,977
Looks like somebody fell
ass-first into a yard sale.
7
00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:24,198
I just like to be organized.
I call it bung-shui.
8
00:00:24,266 --> 00:00:26,176
Besides some mild
tearing and what I swear
9
00:00:26,177 --> 00:00:28,086
was an oompa loompa that
I was never quite able
10
00:00:28,087 --> 00:00:29,103
to get a hold of, you're all clear.
11
00:00:29,171 --> 00:00:31,338
Great. Now, if you'll kindly
12
00:00:31,407 --> 00:00:33,640
return those things to
my ass, I'll be on my way.
13
00:00:33,709 --> 00:00:35,008
Oh, Woody, you're
still under the influence
14
00:00:35,077 --> 00:00:37,778
of the anesthetic. I can't
let you drive yourself home.
15
00:00:37,847 --> 00:00:39,413
I gave you a bunch
of emergency contacts.
16
00:00:39,482 --> 00:00:42,549
- Didn't you call 'em?
- Yes. I got four wrong numbers,
17
00:00:42,618 --> 00:00:44,151
three hang-ups, and
a "[bleep] my mother."
18
00:00:44,220 --> 00:00:46,220
She's been dead for three years,
so that would be difficult,
19
00:00:46,288 --> 00:00:49,757
- but not impossible.
- Okay. So what does this mean?
20
00:00:49,825 --> 00:00:51,625
Medically speaking?
Well, you have no friends.
21
00:00:51,694 --> 00:00:53,627
And since there's no
one here to pick you up,
22
00:00:53,696 --> 00:00:54,645
I'm going to have to put you down.
23
00:00:54,730 --> 00:00:56,930
Wait, wait!
Can't I just call a cab?
24
00:00:56,982 --> 00:00:58,649
Hmm, I never thought of that.
25
00:00:58,734 --> 00:01:01,235
Guess I didn't need to put all
those people down after all.
26
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:02,669
Boy, is my face red.
27
00:01:02,738 --> 00:01:04,438
Kidding! I can't feel emotion.
28
00:01:04,507 --> 00:01:06,173
Get me out of here!
29
00:01:06,242 --> 00:01:08,342
Tommy! Shut up and
play your trombone!
30
00:01:17,253 --> 00:01:19,916
3x09 - High Stakes
31
00:01:20,117 --> 00:01:22,763
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
32
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:26,083
Wow, your chest hair
really does look like
33
00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:28,586
- burnt taco meat.
- I told you.
34
00:01:28,654 --> 00:01:30,154
My pubies looks like cheese curls.
35
00:01:30,239 --> 00:01:34,208
Oh, wait, these are cheese curls!
36
00:01:34,293 --> 00:01:35,292
Oh, wait. They're not.
37
00:01:35,328 --> 00:01:37,661
Ugh!
You guys are making me hungry.
38
00:01:38,247 --> 00:01:42,166
Hi, I'm looking for the
"hairy, horny, hung virgin."
39
00:01:42,251 --> 00:01:44,051
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh,
boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!
40
00:01:44,136 --> 00:01:45,669
Shut up, Connie.
She's here for me.
41
00:01:45,888 --> 00:01:48,739
You're a bear? You never
mentioned that you were a bear.
42
00:01:48,808 --> 00:01:50,407
- You lied to me?
- Lied?
43
00:01:50,476 --> 00:01:52,209
You answered an ad on craigslist.
44
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:53,043
You're lucky I'm not murdering you.
45
00:01:53,112 --> 00:01:57,982
- Well, we're not having sex.
- Murder it is.
46
00:01:58,050 --> 00:02:01,018
Malloy can't get laid!
47
00:02:01,070 --> 00:02:03,687
Steve has rabies!
48
00:02:03,773 --> 00:02:05,022
No, I...
49
00:02:05,074 --> 00:02:07,691
Wait a second, that's weird.
50
00:02:07,777 --> 00:02:08,859
Malloy, bite him again.
51
00:02:08,945 --> 00:02:10,661
- But harder this time.
- What?
52
00:02:12,164 --> 00:02:15,065
Yay! Let's eat each other!
Dibs on Ethel.
53
00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:18,085
Hmm, fascinating.
54
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:22,089
Malloy, you have four incisors.
55
00:02:22,174 --> 00:02:24,208
And you have dick on your breath.
56
00:02:24,293 --> 00:02:27,055
- Do you know what that means?
- Your dad's in town?
57
00:02:27,090 --> 00:02:29,930
No, it means you're
a rare breed of bear.
58
00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:30,915
You may even be the last one alive.
59
00:02:30,983 --> 00:02:33,673
Ursus loquacious.
60
00:02:33,708 --> 00:02:35,986
Ursus Loquacious?
He plays for the Falcons.
61
00:02:36,055 --> 00:02:37,555
Ah! Why the hell
62
00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:39,723
did you all give me
fake contact numbers?
63
00:02:39,775 --> 00:02:41,058
Some friends you are.
64
00:02:41,110 --> 00:02:43,671
- Friends? We don't even like you.
- Huh? Why?
65
00:02:43,706 --> 00:02:47,898
- Simple. You're an asshole.
- That's not true, bitch. Ow!
66
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:50,401
Woody, can I get a new uniform?
67
00:02:50,453 --> 00:02:52,922
- I outgrew another one.
- [bleep] you, lard ass.
68
00:02:52,957 --> 00:02:54,262
I'm not buying you another uniform!
69
00:02:54,297 --> 00:02:55,906
Lose some weight or better
yet, blow your brains out,
70
00:02:55,992 --> 00:02:57,541
you fat tub of monkey shit!
71
00:02:57,577 --> 00:03:00,461
Honestly now, you guys
really think I'm an asshole?
72
00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:04,815
Oh, I can't believe
I don't have any friends.
73
00:03:04,884 --> 00:03:06,483
Nobody gets me.
74
00:03:06,552 --> 00:03:07,918
Both: One shot of Goldschlager.
75
00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:11,889
I thought I was the only
one who enjoyed Goldschlager.
76
00:03:11,924 --> 00:03:14,425
You kidding? This is the finest
gold-flecked schnapps
77
00:03:14,510 --> 00:03:16,143
that money can buy
for under $12 a bottle.
78
00:03:16,228 --> 00:03:19,396
One night, I drank
so much of this stuff,
79
00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:24,268
I panned my diarrhea and I made $80.
80
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:27,705
That might be the most
awesome thing I've ever heard.
81
00:03:27,773 --> 00:03:29,506
Mayor Todd Ford.
82
00:03:29,575 --> 00:03:33,027
- The crackhead mayor of Hazelhurst?
- Ah, don't believe the media.
83
00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:35,412
They just gave me that nickname
84
00:03:35,481 --> 00:03:39,216
- because I smoke crack all the time.
- Woody Johnson.
85
00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:41,218
The whore-punching
head ranger of Brickleberry?
86
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:45,348
And they say you can't
give yourself a nickname.
87
00:03:45,369 --> 00:03:48,844
Barkeep, another round!
88
00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:53,464
My friend said he
wanted another drink!
89
00:03:53,516 --> 00:03:56,166
Oh, shit! You better chill out
before he calls the cops!
90
00:03:56,235 --> 00:04:01,021
I'm mayor.
The cops work for me.
91
00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:01,939
Drinks are on the house!
92
00:04:04,143 --> 00:04:07,645
To the start of a
beautiful friendship!
93
00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:21,875
Yeah!
94
00:04:24,830 --> 00:04:26,747
Help! Help!
95
00:04:38,094 --> 00:04:40,177
Malloy, I have amazing news.
96
00:04:40,262 --> 00:04:42,230
- I did some research and found out...
- You're not actually
97
00:04:42,231 --> 00:04:42,980
the last of your species.
98
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:45,015
Turns out there's one
more, and it's a female!
99
00:04:45,084 --> 00:04:48,736
- Way to step on my dick, Connie.
- Sorry.
100
00:04:48,737 --> 00:04:51,013
I'm having the bear flown
into the Brickleberry wildlife
101
00:04:51,014 --> 00:04:53,290
sanctuary so you
can continue the species.
102
00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:54,792
Let me check to see if I give a shit.
103
00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:56,720
- I don't.
- You know what this means?
104
00:04:57,029 --> 00:04:58,829
- It means...
- You get to have sex with her!
105
00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:01,031
And not just once, as
much as you possibly can.
106
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:04,301
- God dammit, Connie!
- Sorry!
107
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:06,070
Interesting.
Tell me more about this
108
00:05:06,138 --> 00:05:09,573
"having sex as much as I possibly can."
109
00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:11,575
All right. Oh, but
first there's a complex
110
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,043
mating ritual that you're
gonna have to learn.
111
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:15,546
Okay, now,
you circle around her seven
112
00:05:15,547 --> 00:05:17,981
times, and her labia
will become engorged.
113
00:05:18,050 --> 00:05:21,885
- Check.
- This is the worst furry party, ever.
114
00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:23,521
And then you begin to growl and
115
00:05:23,522 --> 00:05:25,089
cup the buttocks of the female...
116
00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:31,261
I think I just lost my
deposit on this bear suit.
117
00:05:32,448 --> 00:05:36,383
I don't get it, Denzel.
How do you stay so thin?
118
00:05:36,452 --> 00:05:38,452
I burn a lot of calories having sex.
119
00:05:38,521 --> 00:05:41,889
- Does it work if it's with yourself?
- No.
120
00:05:41,924 --> 00:05:45,676
I don't have friends
'cause I'm an asshole, huh?
121
00:05:45,761 --> 00:05:47,845
See what you know, I made a friend
122
00:05:47,846 --> 00:05:49,930
who's a bigger asshole than me!
123
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,399
- Daniel Tosh?
- Who? Never heard of him.
124
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,985
No, my B.F.F. is the
coolest guy on the planet:
125
00:05:55,071 --> 00:05:56,737
Mayor Todd Ford.
126
00:05:56,772 --> 00:05:59,106
Really, Woody?
He's a corrupt drug addict.
127
00:05:59,191 --> 00:06:03,243
- He's not a drug addict.
- I got the drugs!
128
00:06:03,312 --> 00:06:04,511
Whoo!
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!
129
00:06:04,580 --> 00:06:06,594
We've gotta keep this
meth off the street.
130
00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:15,544
I'm all right.
131
00:06:16,092 --> 00:06:20,761
He's fine, I had to do
this three times last night.
132
00:06:22,765 --> 00:06:25,633
I feel awesome!
Did I die again?
133
00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:28,135
"Did I die again?"
I love this guy!
134
00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:29,470
Makes me want to be mayor.
135
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:30,638
So, what are we doing tonight?
136
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:33,357
Ooh, yeah, me and some
high-powered friends
137
00:06:33,442 --> 00:06:35,643
are playing poker, but
it might be a little
138
00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:36,810
too high-stakes for you.
139
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:39,713
You kidding?
High-stakes is my middle name.
140
00:06:39,782 --> 00:06:41,849
All right, Woody, if you insist!
141
00:06:41,917 --> 00:06:43,701
We're going to party tonight!
142
00:06:43,786 --> 00:06:44,952
Both: Oh yeah! Yeah!
143
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:46,468
- Whoo!
- Yeah...
144
00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:51,326
Now remember, the continuation of
145
00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:53,661
your entire species depends on this.
146
00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:56,330
Here we go.
Let the banging begin.
147
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:00,734
Hello.
148
00:07:00,803 --> 00:07:04,338
Nope. No way.
I am not [bleep]ing that.
149
00:07:04,423 --> 00:07:06,223
You can't leave.
Your species depends on
150
00:07:06,308 --> 00:07:07,725
the two of you mating.
151
00:07:07,810 --> 00:07:09,727
Yeah, Malloy, she's not that bad.
152
00:07:09,812 --> 00:07:11,512
Oh yeah, she looks like a movie star.
153
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:17,618
Steve Buscemi's eyes and
the teeth of... Steve Buscemi.
154
00:07:19,555 --> 00:07:21,989
God dammit! I fold.
155
00:07:22,058 --> 00:07:23,691
Ha! Ha! Ooh yeah!
156
00:07:23,759 --> 00:07:26,560
I haven't seen this
many unnecessary folds
157
00:07:26,629 --> 00:07:28,929
since I binge-watched
season one of Girls.
158
00:07:28,998 --> 00:07:30,731
Ha ha!
159
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,566
So, you're a bit of a hunter, eh, Ford?
160
00:07:32,635 --> 00:07:35,253
I do love big game hunting. It's too bad
161
00:07:35,254 --> 00:07:37,871
there's no good place
to do it around here.
162
00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:40,974
Yeah, [bleep]ing Obama, putting
all the good animals in Africa.
163
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,042
Anyway, thanks for
inviting me and letting me
164
00:07:42,111 --> 00:07:44,211
take all your money, fellas.
165
00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:48,298
And you, Bruce Jenner.
You are either a very ugly man,
166
00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:51,785
- or a very attractive woman.
- Thank you.
167
00:07:51,854 --> 00:07:54,755
Actually, Bruce lost
a lot of poker games.
168
00:07:54,824 --> 00:07:57,458
The first bet was "wear
this dress," and then it was
169
00:07:57,526 --> 00:08:00,994
"take these estrogen pills,"
and so on and so on.
170
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:04,565
Would you care to make this hand
a little more interesting, Woody?
171
00:08:06,108 --> 00:08:09,910
Yes! Yes! I mean...
Eh, maybe.
172
00:08:09,979 --> 00:08:11,178
What do you have in mind?
173
00:08:11,247 --> 00:08:13,080
Well, I know your
dream job is to be mayor.
174
00:08:13,149 --> 00:08:17,117
How about, if you win,
you get to be mayor.
175
00:08:17,186 --> 00:08:20,254
If I win,
I get control of Brickleberry.
176
00:08:20,323 --> 00:08:22,423
Oh, I don't know.
177
00:08:22,491 --> 00:08:25,092
What's the matter, Woody?
Got no balls?
178
00:08:25,161 --> 00:08:28,228
You want to borrow mine?
They're in a dumpster in Glendale.
179
00:08:28,297 --> 00:08:30,497
So, Woody, are you
going to take the bet,
180
00:08:30,566 --> 00:08:33,167
or are you not man
enough to be my friend?
181
00:08:33,235 --> 00:08:36,470
All right, I'm in!
Four aces.
182
00:08:36,539 --> 00:08:38,839
That's an impressive hand.
But does it beat my...
183
00:08:38,908 --> 00:08:42,660
- straight flush?!
- Oh, shit.
184
00:08:42,745 --> 00:08:44,878
I lost the park to a straight flush!
185
00:08:44,947 --> 00:08:48,449
Cry me a river.
I lost my dick to a pair of queens!
186
00:08:48,534 --> 00:08:51,159
Hello!
We have names, you know.
187
00:08:55,699 --> 00:08:57,365
One. Whew!
188
00:08:57,450 --> 00:09:00,902
Okay, I jumped the rope,
I did half a sit-up.
189
00:09:00,971 --> 00:09:02,103
Why can't I lose weight?
190
00:09:02,172 --> 00:09:03,671
All I've been eating
are these rice cakes.
191
00:09:03,740 --> 00:09:06,497
Those are rice
krispie treats, dumbass.
192
00:09:06,498 --> 00:09:07,600
Morning, rangers!
193
00:09:07,677 --> 00:09:10,889
So, I got a little
overextended last night and, uh,
194
00:09:10,924 --> 00:09:12,881
lost the park to the
mayor in a poker game.
195
00:09:12,966 --> 00:09:14,599
- Moving on.
- You what?!
196
00:09:14,684 --> 00:09:17,051
Don't judge me. I had four aces.
197
00:09:17,103 --> 00:09:19,270
All of you would've done
exactly the same thing,
198
00:09:19,356 --> 00:09:20,471
so this is as much your
fault as it is mine.
199
00:09:20,557 --> 00:09:23,925
See, Woody, this is
why no one likes you.
200
00:09:23,994 --> 00:09:26,494
You think that's why
no one likes him? Ha!
201
00:09:26,563 --> 00:09:28,813
Oh, don't worry about it.
The park will be fine.
202
00:09:28,899 --> 00:09:30,231
Nothing's going to change.
203
00:09:46,216 --> 00:09:49,468
It's going to be so much more convenient
204
00:09:49,469 --> 00:09:52,720
to hunt them all in our own backyard.
205
00:09:58,728 --> 00:10:01,613
Well, this is great.
All these wild animals
206
00:10:01,614 --> 00:10:04,499
are going to be a huge
draw for the tourists.
207
00:10:04,661 --> 00:10:07,852
Uh, Woody, the animals
are eating the tourists.
208
00:10:09,906 --> 00:10:12,011
I just thought of a great
way for you to lose weight.
209
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:13,984
- Really?
- It's called running as fast
210
00:10:13,985 --> 00:10:15,526
as you mother[bleep]ing can!
211
00:10:19,616 --> 00:10:21,616
Worst case scenario,
they rip your leg off.
212
00:10:21,701 --> 00:10:23,334
That's still losin' weight!
213
00:10:23,420 --> 00:10:25,086
Thanks, buddy!
214
00:10:25,121 --> 00:10:27,121
Woody, what are you
going to do about this?
215
00:10:27,190 --> 00:10:30,110
Hmm, would you accept
"[bleep] you" as an answer?
216
00:10:30,109 --> 00:10:33,181
- No?
- Fine! I'll go talk to the mayor.
217
00:10:36,933 --> 00:10:39,350
Oh, no, Bobby.
Rhinoceroseses!
218
00:10:39,436 --> 00:10:41,469
I told you we shouldn't
have played Jumanji!
219
00:10:44,858 --> 00:10:46,140
Listen, Fordles, can we talk?
220
00:10:46,192 --> 00:10:49,377
Uh, some of the other
rangers... not me, of course...
221
00:10:49,446 --> 00:10:51,346
think the animals you flew into the park
222
00:10:51,414 --> 00:10:54,478
are destroying the place.
Crazy, right?
223
00:10:54,513 --> 00:10:57,685
Tell them I'm calling the
shots at Brickleberry now.
224
00:10:57,754 --> 00:11:02,741
If it gets destroyed, so be it,
as long as I get to hunt down
225
00:11:02,776 --> 00:11:07,662
and kill those animals
the only way a man should...
226
00:11:07,747 --> 00:11:11,499
High on crack!
227
00:11:11,584 --> 00:11:13,775
Yeah, but why do you have
to do it at Brickleberry?
228
00:11:13,810 --> 00:11:16,971
Well, it beats going to Africa.
I hate flying.
229
00:11:17,007 --> 00:11:19,223
And skinny kids with
fat bellies scare me.
230
00:11:19,309 --> 00:11:20,258
I know, right?
231
00:11:20,343 --> 00:11:22,910
Pick a body type, you
fat skinny bastards.
232
00:11:22,979 --> 00:11:25,747
I'm just lucky you picked
up those two aces on the draw.
233
00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:29,100
Yeah, if only I'd...
how'd you know I picked up
234
00:11:29,185 --> 00:11:31,069
two aces on the draw?
235
00:11:31,154 --> 00:11:32,898
Wait a second. You cheated!
236
00:11:32,933 --> 00:11:36,858
Oh, no. A politician who cheats?
What's next?
237
00:11:36,926 --> 00:11:40,549
An eskimo that [bleeps] coconuts?
238
00:11:40,964 --> 00:11:45,834
- Sorry, I'm very high.
- But... But we're best friends.
239
00:11:45,869 --> 00:11:48,903
We're not friends!
You're an asshole!
240
00:11:48,972 --> 00:11:52,974
I played you like a bitch just
to get my hands on that park.
241
00:11:53,043 --> 00:11:54,275
This means war!
242
00:11:54,344 --> 00:11:56,844
You are now a sworn
enemy of Woody Johnson.
243
00:11:56,913 --> 00:11:59,480
Unless you want to start over
and try to be friends again?
244
00:11:59,549 --> 00:12:03,952
- No, I don't.
- Jesus, who wrote this shit?
245
00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:09,058
- And then, he could [bleep] a coconut!
- Hello, Emmy!
246
00:12:10,143 --> 00:12:12,977
- Come on out, Mallory.
- Don't be shy.
247
00:12:13,063 --> 00:12:15,063
I know what it's
like to be the ugly one.
248
00:12:15,115 --> 00:12:16,197
But it gets better.
249
00:12:16,232 --> 00:12:18,933
It doesn't get any better.
250
00:12:24,074 --> 00:12:25,406
I can work with this.
251
00:12:48,398 --> 00:12:50,598
Ethel, Connie, gotta say, nice work.
252
00:12:50,650 --> 00:12:52,100
I actually have half a chub here.
253
00:12:52,152 --> 00:12:56,521
So, Mallory, you've been quiet.
Tell me something about yourself.
254
00:12:56,606 --> 00:12:58,439
Be yourself, Mallory.
255
00:12:58,525 --> 00:13:00,992
Wanna take this
train to [bleep] town?
256
00:13:01,077 --> 00:13:03,749
- I'm sorry?
- Can I taste yo juice?
257
00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:05,530
I'm not even sure
what we're talking about.
258
00:13:05,615 --> 00:13:07,949
I want to punch you in the b-hole.
259
00:13:08,001 --> 00:13:11,619
All right. And the word
of the day is "extinction."
260
00:13:11,704 --> 00:13:15,338
Hang me upside down
and speed bag my tits!
261
00:13:16,876 --> 00:13:18,926
Oh, my best friend betrayed
me, and I have no way
262
00:13:18,962 --> 00:13:21,129
of getting my park back.
263
00:13:21,214 --> 00:13:23,765
- What do I do, Malloy?
- I got my own problems.
264
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,684
Some cock-eyed woodchuck wants
me to punch her in the b-hole.
265
00:13:26,770 --> 00:13:28,352
No wonder I'm the last of my species.
266
00:13:28,438 --> 00:13:29,971
That's it!
You're a genius, Malloy.
267
00:13:30,039 --> 00:13:32,707
No, but I still
make Steve look dumber
268
00:13:32,776 --> 00:13:34,175
than a sack of dry shit.
269
00:13:36,446 --> 00:13:38,000
"Sack."
270
00:13:38,698 --> 00:13:40,314
Malloy, why'd you run off?
271
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,150
I thought you and Mallory
had a real moment there.
272
00:13:42,235 --> 00:13:43,551
What moment was that?
273
00:13:43,620 --> 00:13:45,720
When she asked me to
fist fight her lady lips?
274
00:13:45,789 --> 00:13:49,624
Yeah, that was [bleep] hot.
Mmm.
275
00:13:49,659 --> 00:13:52,043
Malloy, you have a responsibility
to continue your kind.
276
00:13:52,128 --> 00:13:55,329
- You have to have sex with her.
- I'd rather die.
277
00:13:55,381 --> 00:13:57,248
Then you leave me no choice.
278
00:13:57,333 --> 00:14:01,052
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! I wasn't serious!
279
00:14:01,137 --> 00:14:05,640
Aw, what a cute little coma.
What are you doing?
280
00:14:05,708 --> 00:14:08,709
I was able to extract an
egg from Mallory last night.
281
00:14:08,778 --> 00:14:11,679
Now I just need to get Malloy's
sperm and I can fertilize it.
282
00:14:11,748 --> 00:14:14,266
It's okay, Ethel. Just
close your eyes and pretend
283
00:14:14,267 --> 00:14:16,784
you're tugging your way out
of another speeding ticket.
284
00:14:19,622 --> 00:14:22,623
- Connie, I got the semen!
- Yeah, it's about time.
285
00:14:22,692 --> 00:14:24,826
I got tired of watching after two hours.
286
00:14:24,894 --> 00:14:27,428
Yeah, whiskey dick's nothing
compared to tranq spank.
287
00:14:27,497 --> 00:14:29,030
Pretty sure I have carpal tunnel now,
288
00:14:29,098 --> 00:14:30,832
but you know what, it was worth it.
289
00:14:36,439 --> 00:14:38,539
Steve! You gained ten pounds!
290
00:14:38,608 --> 00:14:41,209
Damn it!
I'll never fit in this uniform.
291
00:14:41,277 --> 00:14:42,891
Looks like diet and
exercise aren't your thing.
292
00:14:42,926 --> 00:14:44,434
We need to try something new.
293
00:14:44,469 --> 00:14:47,548
But I've tried everything.
Not even liposuction worked!
294
00:14:49,452 --> 00:14:53,137
I can't believe you were going
to throw this out. It's delicious!
295
00:14:55,525 --> 00:14:56,524
Where are you taking me?
296
00:14:56,559 --> 00:14:58,860
I was having the best tug job dream.
297
00:14:58,895 --> 00:15:02,063
You're going to help me
save this park. Now be quiet.
298
00:15:05,268 --> 00:15:08,486
Well, mayor, I guess you
really tickled his ivories.
299
00:15:08,571 --> 00:15:09,987
What do you want, Woody?
300
00:15:10,073 --> 00:15:12,073
Well, I thought you might be
interested in a little wager,
301
00:15:12,125 --> 00:15:15,076
since you call yourself a betting man.
302
00:15:15,161 --> 00:15:17,211
What could you
possibly have that I want?
303
00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:19,914
I've already taken everything from you.
304
00:15:19,966 --> 00:15:22,016
Oh, not everything.
Look at these gums.
305
00:15:22,085 --> 00:15:27,089
- What is this, roots?
- Oh my god! Ursus loquacious!
306
00:15:27,090 --> 00:15:32,627
The rarest animal on the
planet, the holy grail.
307
00:15:32,695 --> 00:15:34,979
Here's the bet.
I'll let you hunt Malloy...
308
00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:37,598
- What?!
- but only for one hour.
309
00:15:37,684 --> 00:15:39,767
If you can't kill him,
I get my park back.
310
00:15:39,819 --> 00:15:41,936
Can we think of a plan
that doesn't involve my death?
311
00:15:42,021 --> 00:15:43,404
Nah, too much trouble.
312
00:15:43,473 --> 00:15:46,941
- The hunt starts at noon tomorrow.
- You got a deal.
313
00:15:47,026 --> 00:15:49,277
Get ready to mount that rhino.
314
00:15:49,362 --> 00:15:53,963
Get in line. Oh, I like
these exotic women.
315
00:15:57,022 --> 00:16:01,658
Ugh!
This diet is making me hungry.
316
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:06,730
I don't know who See-mon is,
but I'm eating his yogurt.
317
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,799
Mmm-mmm!
318
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:10,917
It's got a kick to it!
319
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:11,835
Steve, what the
[bleep] are you doing?
320
00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:15,272
I know!
I'm cheating on my diet.
321
00:16:15,341 --> 00:16:18,508
Cheating on your diet?
You eating bear jizz!
322
00:16:18,577 --> 00:16:20,711
Oh, my god!
323
00:16:20,879 --> 00:16:22,746
Oh, my god!
324
00:16:23,688 --> 00:16:27,150
Why would See-mon write his
name on a cup of bear jizz?
325
00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:33,256
Steve, do you feel okay?
326
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:36,126
Uh, just got a hold
of some bad yogurt.
327
00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:37,494
I'm trying not to think about it.
328
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:40,039
Wanna split my tapioca pudding?
329
00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:42,631
You could've just said "no."
330
00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:46,870
So Woody's big plan
is to sacrifice "my life"
331
00:16:46,905 --> 00:16:48,655
to get his stupid park back.
332
00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:51,074
Cubsy wubs, there's no way
daddy's gonna let you die.
333
00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:52,209
I've got it all planned out.
334
00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:55,412
What? My funeral?
Eat my jizz, Woody.
335
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:57,247
Shut up!
336
00:16:57,333 --> 00:16:59,800
First, I'm going use bear
tracks to lure Mayor Ford
337
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:02,636
to the Brickleberry briar
patch where stage one
338
00:17:02,721 --> 00:17:04,421
of my plot begins...
339
00:17:04,473 --> 00:17:08,558
and that brings us to
little ol' stage 238:
340
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:12,979
Batman'll come swinging in
and say... "Justice!"
341
00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:16,066
So as long as we do this all
before noon, you'll be fine.
342
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:18,235
Uh, it's 12:45.
343
00:17:18,303 --> 00:17:21,538
You see, that's why I need
an alarm clock in my ass!
344
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:23,941
Wow, Malloy!
I didn't know you were in
345
00:17:23,942 --> 00:17:25,909
- the triple nipple club too.
- Oh, crap! Move!
346
00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:31,582
I'm outta here.
Great plan, Woody.
347
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,817
Where are you going?
It's dangerous out there.
348
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,452
It's dangerous in here.
349
00:17:35,521 --> 00:17:38,522
And if I'm gonna die, I'm
not gonna die a virgin.
350
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:42,613
Hey! Someone spilled bleach
in my warm salted mayonnaise.
351
00:17:42,653 --> 00:17:45,684
- You smell it, Steve?
- That's so specifi...
352
00:17:47,492 --> 00:17:49,266
Run!
353
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,412
There's not much time.
We have to make love.
354
00:17:53,413 --> 00:17:55,032
Shit, yeah, we do.
355
00:17:55,067 --> 00:17:59,105
Oh, it's time to serve up
some panny pudding.
356
00:17:59,140 --> 00:18:01,311
No.
357
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:05,440
Oh, hell, you gonna tape me
up before you split these guts?
358
00:18:05,475 --> 00:18:08,214
That gets my ovaries clapping and
359
00:18:08,215 --> 00:18:10,954
my bung hole flapping 'cause...
360
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:13,524
All right.
Let's get this over with.
361
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,759
Come out, little bear.
This won't hurt much.
362
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:18,695
It's just a little genocide.
363
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:24,301
I've got you now.
364
00:18:24,386 --> 00:18:26,870
Nothing like killing an
animal at his moment of climax.
365
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:32,476
Don't you shoot my bear!
366
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:35,946
Noooo!
367
00:18:35,981 --> 00:18:38,198
I wish I knew what it
was like to lose a child.
368
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:41,785
- Khloe?
- Yeah, Khloe. I hate that hairy ape.
369
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:48,201
Malloy, you were my best friend.
I loved you.
370
00:18:48,287 --> 00:18:50,342
Why did I try to
find a new friend when
371
00:18:50,343 --> 00:18:52,398
my true friend was
right here, and now my
372
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:54,925
fake friend killed my only friend?
373
00:18:56,043 --> 00:18:57,844
Jesus, you're a pussy.
374
00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,380
But if you're here
calling me a pussy...
375
00:19:00,449 --> 00:19:02,582
Who is...
What is...?
376
00:19:02,901 --> 00:19:06,803
Ew, god dammit, that's ugly.
Why the hell is she wearing a strap-on?
377
00:19:06,872 --> 00:19:10,440
Had to save my ass
by giving up my ass.
378
00:19:10,509 --> 00:19:12,979
Yeah, I'm the only
kinky freak around here.
379
00:19:13,014 --> 00:19:16,779
1:00 on the dot.
You lose, Woody.
380
00:19:16,814 --> 00:19:19,249
The deal was you had to
kill Malloy within one hour.
381
00:19:19,318 --> 00:19:22,019
You killed another bear
who was way too ugly
382
00:19:22,020 --> 00:19:24,721
- to live anyway.
- I'll give you this much, Woody.
383
00:19:24,790 --> 00:19:27,290
You sure know how to get lucky.
384
00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:32,329
- The park is yours.
- I beat you, you son of a bitch!
385
00:19:32,414 --> 00:19:33,830
Hey, Woody.
386
00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:36,833
Well look who finally
decided to show up... Batman.
387
00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:41,338
- You do know that's not Batman, right?
- I think I know Batman.
388
00:19:41,423 --> 00:19:44,307
He's been sneaking in my
window and fingering my bat cave
389
00:19:44,343 --> 00:19:47,143
- ever since I was a little boy.
- Hmph.
390
00:19:48,947 --> 00:19:51,715
Today I learned a valuable
lesson about friendship.
391
00:19:51,783 --> 00:19:53,950
It is better not to have any friends,
392
00:19:54,019 --> 00:19:56,152
so I'm just going to
continue being an asshole.
393
00:19:56,221 --> 00:19:58,588
Oh, and I also learned that
some guy dressed in a Batman suit
394
00:19:58,657 --> 00:20:01,758
- molested me as a child.
- Now that Mallory's gone,
395
00:20:01,827 --> 00:20:03,360
I'm pretty excited to be
the last of my species.
396
00:20:03,428 --> 00:20:05,128
People will pay big money to see me!
397
00:20:05,197 --> 00:20:08,256
Well, you're not
exactly the last, Malloy.
398
00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:10,784
Thanks to the artificial
bear womb I got on Skymall,
399
00:20:10,869 --> 00:20:13,086
Malloy's child will be born any second.
400
00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:15,572
Ooh, I'm going to be a grandfather!
401
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,875
Uh, Woody, can I get
a smaller ranger uniform?
402
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,844
This one doesn't fit me anymore.
403
00:20:20,879 --> 00:20:23,540
Oh, Jesus. What the
hell happened to you?
404
00:20:23,575 --> 00:20:24,714
What do you got all, the aids?
405
00:20:24,766 --> 00:20:28,793
No. I've been throwing up every day
since I ate Malloy's semen.
406
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:29,886
You did what?!
407
00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:33,056
Don't worry, I knew you'd
be mad, so I replaced it
408
00:20:33,141 --> 00:20:35,418
- with my semen.
- Oh, my god.
409
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:42,040
Kill me!
410
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:51,082
Got the only one.
I am a god now.
411
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:53,017
Uh, that's definitely for the best.
412
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:55,653
I [bleep] love that guy.
413
00:20:57,418 --> 00:21:00,820
sync & correction by f1nc0
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