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1
00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:38,515
Item six,..
the naming of the new road.
2
00:00:38,886 --> 00:00:43,069
Any suggestions?
Yes, I think we should call it "New Road".
3
00:00:43,398 --> 00:00:44,403
Really?
4
00:00:44,403 --> 00:00:47,062
Not to be confused, of course,
with the somewhat-
5
00:00:47,162 --> 00:00:50,871
similary name "New Road"
at the other end of the village.
6
00:00:51,733 --> 00:00:54,626
Yes, but that's quite
an old road now sir.
7
00:00:56,395 --> 00:01:01,767
So I thought we could re-name
that one, "Quite Old Road"
8
00:01:02,158 --> 00:01:03,673
Not forgetting of course...
9
00:01:03,773 --> 00:01:09,274
That we already have a "Quite Old Road",
Ah-ha.. I'm ahead of you sir..
10
00:01:09,497 --> 00:01:11,324
I'd fear you might be..
11
00:01:11,596 --> 00:01:14,213
Yeah, so I thought,
we could re-name
12
00:01:14,313 --> 00:01:19,013
old "Quite Old Road", to
"Really Quite Old Road Now".
13
00:01:19,130 --> 00:01:23,789
And, so for us to leave a gap
for any new roads..
14
00:01:24,095 --> 00:01:28,450
I thought,.. that we could
free up the name "Old Road",
15
00:01:28,550 --> 00:01:31,759
by re-naming "Old Road",
were I live,
16
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:34,367
to "Very Old Road"...
17
00:01:35,287 --> 00:01:38,029
Or, we could just go for
"Pratt's Lane"...
18
00:01:39,577 --> 00:01:44,044
Hugo, do you have a suggestion?
......-No..
19
00:01:48,806 --> 00:01:51,496
Oh!.. oh yes, yes,
I-I think we should name it
20
00:01:51,596 --> 00:01:54,242
after the Chairman of the council,
"David Horton Road".
21
00:01:54,346 --> 00:01:57,076
Ah!, ha,. Well,. Good lord,
what a thought.. ha!
22
00:01:57,737 --> 00:01:59,013
Shall we take a vote..
23
00:01:59,113 --> 00:02:03,500
Sorry Im late. Where are we? Voting
on a name for the new road. Good.
24
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,604
So long as we
don't name it after any of us.
25
00:02:05,704 --> 00:02:09,141
I hate that puffy-puffy,
self-publicity, don't you?
26
00:02:09,241 --> 00:02:10,829
So.. what's the suggestion?
27
00:02:10,929 --> 00:02:13,496
"David Horton Road".
Oh, please!..
28
00:02:13,596 --> 00:02:17,123
In the name of all that is holy,
NO!..
29
00:02:17,223 --> 00:02:21,048
I agree with the vicar on this.
Very poor idea, Hugo.
30
00:02:21,148 --> 00:02:24,810
I'd rather name it in memory
of someone who is no longer with us.
31
00:02:24,910 --> 00:02:30,679
Someone like, say...my predecessor
as chairman of the parish council.
32
00:02:30,779 --> 00:02:35,539
Excellent!
Your predecessor..,being...
33
00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:38,097
Your father's cousin?
Whose name was?
34
00:02:38,197 --> 00:02:40,329
David Horton. That's right.
35
00:02:40,772 --> 00:02:44,062
All those in favour
of naming it "David Horton Road",
36
00:02:44,162 --> 00:02:46,181
after my predecessor...?
37
00:02:48,242 --> 00:02:49,676
Carried.
38
00:02:50,085 --> 00:02:53,460
Now, Vicar,
you had a couple of things? Yes.
39
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,662
Well the main thing is
that by the next time we meet,
40
00:02:55,762 --> 00:03:00,353
Hugo here will have married the
lovely Alice Tinker. That's right.
41
00:03:00,453 --> 00:03:06,200
Dibley's answer to Michelle
Pfeiffer, only much, much prettier.
42
00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:12,026
This is an ideal opportunity
to offer him a few words
of encouragement. Anyone?
43
00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:17,556
Well, certainly. Yes. I've not known
what it is to be married, Hugo,
44
00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:22,636
but I still hope to plant my seed
in a certain acreage of womanhood.
45
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:31,837
But I reckon if you treat Alice
like I treat my prize cow,
46
00:03:31,937 --> 00:03:36,050
you won't go far wrong...
apart from making her eat grass
47
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:38,595
and getting her mounted by a bull,
of course.
48
00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:43,373
If you do that, you'll get arrested,
like my father was.
49
00:03:45,371 --> 00:03:47,461
Well, that's very helpful,
Thank you Owen.
50
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:50,175
Yes...
Any words of wisdom from you, Jim?
51
00:03:50,275 --> 00:03:53,102
Well, I-I've been married 43 years,
52
00:03:53,202 --> 00:03:57,613
and the secret
of a successful marriage, Hugo,
53
00:03:57,713 --> 00:04:00,207
is sex and plenty of it.
54
00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:02,000
Well, hooray.
55
00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:04,938
With as many different women
as possible.
56
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,367
Oh, no.
57
00:04:07,567 --> 00:04:11,000
Especially Orientals, cos they can...
58
00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:15,446
Thank you. That's quite enough.
..What about you, Frank?
59
00:04:15,646 --> 00:04:19,265
Well, I've never had sex with an Oriental.
-No, no, no..
60
00:04:19,365 --> 00:04:22,240
I meant have you any words
of advice for Hugo?
61
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:25,298
I can do no better than read
from this week's horoscope.
62
00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:30,676
"Libra - romance is in the air,
63
00:04:31,700 --> 00:04:34,823
and happiness
shall be yours eternally."
64
00:04:34,923 --> 00:04:37,117
That's absolutely splendid. Yes.
65
00:04:37,217 --> 00:04:40,181
Except you're Capricorn
ar'nt you Hugo. Right.
66
00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:45,341
"Capricorn - forget romance, you
are heading for total catastrophe."
67
00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:52,714
Good Lord! This is totally out of
the blue, Your Grace. I don't know.
68
00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:56,624
I'm aware of the importance
of inner-city work,
69
00:04:56,724 --> 00:04:59,570
and I've always
wanted to do missionary stuff.
70
00:04:59,670 --> 00:05:03,043
You know how fond I am
of all things missionary.
71
00:05:04,314 --> 00:05:10,149
It's just... Oh, dear. It really
would be very hard indeed to leave Dibley.
72
00:05:10,649 --> 00:05:12,398
Ding-dong, Avon calling!
73
00:05:12,998 --> 00:05:16,014
Or rather, ding-dong,
Verger calling I suppose.
74
00:05:16,314 --> 00:05:18,887
On the other hand, leave it with me.
75
00:05:18,987 --> 00:05:23,518
OK. Bye. And love to Rocky. ..OK.
76
00:05:23,618 --> 00:05:27,426
So, what can I do for you,
quivering bride-to-be?
77
00:05:28,387 --> 00:05:31,764
Well, as you know my Mum's making
my wedding dress. -Mmm...
78
00:05:31,864 --> 00:05:35,020
and I just want to run it by you
before she actually starts knitting.
79
00:05:38,067 --> 00:05:40,306
Knitting...
Yeah...
80
00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:44,580
As you can see, we're going for
the traditional white. Good idea.
81
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:49,031
With red and blue stripes, just
to give it that British look. Right.
82
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:53,110
Hence the policeman's helmet, also?
Yeah. Right.
83
00:05:53,210 --> 00:05:56,406
And the Flopsy bunnies,
do you think they will they work?
84
00:05:56,506 --> 00:06:00,000
O yeah definitely.
They balance out Tarka the otter.
85
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,000
It would look very odd
with just an otter.
86
00:06:04,003 --> 00:06:07,000
Yes. Well, that I don't deny.
87
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:12,796
And then for my train, she thought...
Thomas The Tank Engine. Right.
88
00:06:12,896 --> 00:06:15,744
Along with Percy and Gordon.
Mmm, right..
89
00:06:15,844 --> 00:06:19,000
It's quite a lot to pull up
the aisle - three steam engines.
90
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:23,298
No, they'll be very light.
She's making them out of lino.
91
00:06:26,148 --> 00:06:30,253
What do you think?
Can I be brutally honest?
92
00:06:30,353 --> 00:06:33,284
As brutally honest as you want. Good.
93
00:06:33,384 --> 00:06:36,276
As long as you don't say anything
nasty or critical in any way.
94
00:06:37,734 --> 00:06:42,000
Right, Well... working within
those particular parameters, then..
95
00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:43,366
I love this dress.
96
00:06:44,564 --> 00:06:45,799
Oh, Brillo Pads!
97
00:06:45,899 --> 00:06:46,693
Excuse me.
98
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:53,048
Mrs Alice Horton.
David, Hugo, come on in.
99
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:59,341
Hello, husband-to-be.
Hello, wife-to-be.
100
00:06:59,541 --> 00:07:01,867
Hello, father-in-law-to-be.
101
00:07:02,980 --> 00:07:04,501
Hello, Miss Tinker.
102
00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:07,711
Tea, Alice? OK.
103
00:07:09,338 --> 00:07:11,800
Bye-bye, Daddio. Doo-doo.
104
00:07:13,594 --> 00:07:15,691
It's like the planet of
the Clangers in here.
105
00:07:17,323 --> 00:07:20,418
I come strait to the point,
I've invited a lot of family and friends,
106
00:07:20,518 --> 00:07:23,690
so I want to make sure this
wedding's not a total embarrassment.
107
00:07:23,790 --> 00:07:29,400
Oh, fear not. Hugo and I have kept
a very careful eye on things. Yes.
108
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:33,919
All the catering is sorted out.
Good old Burger King. Yes.
109
00:07:34,019 --> 00:07:37,800
Can't have too many gherkins
at a wedding I always say.
110
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,173
And we've been tweaking your speech,
hav'nt we Hugo.
111
00:07:40,273 --> 00:07:42,441
That's right.. I knew I cracked it
when I put in your joke
112
00:07:42,541 --> 00:07:45,733
about the Australian who got
stung by a snake on his todger.
113
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:53,629
I'll just go and help Alice.
Would you like to sit down?
114
00:07:53,729 --> 00:07:54,768
Oh, my God!
115
00:07:54,868 --> 00:07:57,654
Please tell me
she's not wearing this!
116
00:07:59,037 --> 00:08:01,720
No, David,that's just a piece of paper
with a drawing on it.
117
00:08:02,363 --> 00:08:04,382
She'll be wearing the finished dress,
118
00:08:04,482 --> 00:08:08,000
sculpted from only the
finest-quality wool and linoleum.
119
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:12,737
Is that an Otter,
Yep, it's to balance out the bunnies
120
00:08:13,203 --> 00:08:19,872
And what's that? That is Bobby Moore
receiving the World Cup in 1966.
121
00:08:21,024 --> 00:08:26,445
If she wears this dress, I am not
coming! This is just what I feared.
122
00:08:26,645 --> 00:08:29,854
Vicar, I will see you at drinks
on Tuesday,
123
00:08:29,954 --> 00:08:33,413
by when I expect to hear
that changes have been made.
124
00:08:36,089 --> 00:08:37,518
Hugo!
125
00:08:38,016 --> 00:08:39,309
Bye Alice.
126
00:08:42,885 --> 00:08:46,306
Oh, when he kisses me
I go all goose-pimply,
127
00:08:46,406 --> 00:08:48,693
like a great big pimply goose.
128
00:08:48,893 --> 00:08:52,603
Oh, it's all going to be so perfect!
Yes...
129
00:08:52,703 --> 00:08:56,063
I have been having second thoughts
about this dress.
130
00:08:56,263 --> 00:08:59,596
Really? You think I should go nude?
No.
131
00:09:00,527 --> 00:09:04,421
It's a thought. -No, no, no,
I just think it should be simpler, that's all.
132
00:09:04,521 --> 00:09:08,323
Oh, you mean like lots of hearts
or something? Yeah.
133
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,366
With a different Dr Who in each one?
134
00:09:11,875 --> 00:09:13,746
No.
135
00:09:14,753 --> 00:09:17,168
Hi. Welcome to the party. Come in.
136
00:09:17,286 --> 00:09:19,336
Let me take your coat. Oh, great.
137
00:09:19,436 --> 00:09:24,621
Nice blouse! Oh, thank you. My mum
knocked it up from some curtains.
138
00:09:27,324 --> 00:09:28,274
Fun.
139
00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:31,148
Hello, Vicar. Hello, Hugo.
140
00:09:31,348 --> 00:09:34,903
I got so lucky. SO many girls
don't have any dress sense at all.
141
00:09:37,250 --> 00:09:42,730
Oh, God. I've forgotten
to put my make-up on. ..Oh, hell.
142
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:46,593
Who cares? It's the woman inside
that counts, eh, Ali-pally?
143
00:09:46,693 --> 00:09:48,243
Every time, Vic-stick.
144
00:09:48,443 --> 00:09:50,593
Girl power!
145
00:09:51,976 --> 00:09:55,748
Geraldine, I'd like you
to meet my little brother Simon.
146
00:09:58,236 --> 00:10:00,834
Well, hello.
147
00:10:02,657 --> 00:10:05,705
Would you excuse me just, er...?
148
00:10:19,344 --> 00:10:23,083
Move it! ..Hi, I'm Geraldine!
149
00:10:23,183 --> 00:10:25,868
Yes, I've heard you on the radio.
It's very amusing.
150
00:10:26,068 --> 00:10:29,000
Was I? Oh, was I?
151
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:33,517
A very funny story about the
choirboy and the cucumber. Thanks.
152
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:39,026
So, you're the prodigal brother.
In what way prodigal?
153
00:10:39,226 --> 00:10:42,867
Too much drink. Too much sex.
154
00:10:42,967 --> 00:10:44,688
Too little responsibility.
155
00:10:44,788 --> 00:10:46,202
Ah-huh-ha.
156
00:10:46,402 --> 00:10:49,339
Well, that's my kind of prodigal.
157
00:10:49,539 --> 00:10:53,137
So, here we are -
total strangers
158
00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:55,258
trying to find out
more about each other.
159
00:10:55,458 --> 00:10:59,560
So just plucking a question totally
at random - are you married?
160
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:06,568
No, my wife died six years ago.
Good...God! How awful.
161
00:11:06,768 --> 00:11:10,000
Yeah, well, it's a long time now.
162
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:14,234
So, is there another special lady
in your life at the moment? No.
163
00:11:14,434 --> 00:11:18,249
But you'd like one!
Yes, I'd love one.
164
00:11:19,199 --> 00:11:21,310
Point me towards a buxom blonde
165
00:11:21,410 --> 00:11:26,301
and I'd be out of that door like
a bullet out of a great big gun.
166
00:11:26,501 --> 00:11:29,561
Blonde... Right. Blonde...
167
00:11:29,761 --> 00:11:33,071
Well, I suppose blondes
are valuable people too.
168
00:11:34,312 --> 00:11:36,235
I'm looking forward to
the rehearsal tomorrow.
169
00:11:36,335 --> 00:11:41,198
You're coming?... Wild
dinosaurs wouldn't keep me away.
170
00:11:41,398 --> 00:11:44,395
I want to see you in action, Vicar.
171
00:11:44,595 --> 00:11:48,477
Oh, please, just call me Geraldine.
Hey, just call me Gerry!
172
00:11:48,677 --> 00:11:54,000
Actually, forget the ruddy vowels,
just call me Grr. Grr, it is.
173
00:11:54,786 --> 00:11:59,555
No animals was harmed
in the testing of this product.
174
00:12:00,655 --> 00:12:04,792
Although several blond rat's
had become horrible conseited.
175
00:12:04,870 --> 00:12:08,296
So let's see...
To use: Proceed with care..
176
00:12:08,396 --> 00:12:11,445
and apply gradually
and with great caution
177
00:12:11,545 --> 00:12:14,049
Right...
178
00:12:21,247 --> 00:12:22,628
Right... Well..
179
00:12:22,728 --> 00:12:25,673
Goodbye to
"no action in the pant's" department.
180
00:12:25,873 --> 00:12:28,700
Let's in a Simon Horton
181
00:12:28,900 --> 00:12:33,725
# De-de de de de DE... #
182
00:12:33,925 --> 00:12:36,199
Hello, Jim. Come on in.
183
00:12:36,399 --> 00:12:39,593
What can I do for you
this merry day?
184
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:42,915
There's something
I'd like to try out on you.
185
00:12:43,115 --> 00:12:45,156
Oi-oi.
186
00:12:45,356 --> 00:12:48,242
It's my best-man speech.
187
00:12:50,408 --> 00:12:52,576
Nothing I'd like better!
188
00:12:52,776 --> 00:13:00,000
Right, well... Ladies and gentlemen,
pray silence for the best man.
189
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:06,100
I would like to begin
190
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:10,796
with a quotation
from that great song of Abba's.
191
00:13:12,044 --> 00:13:16,811
Kn-Kn-Kno... Kn-Kn-Kno...
Knowing me...
192
00:13:18,705 --> 00:13:25,654
Kn-Kn-Kno... Kn-Kn-Kno...
Knowing you...
193
00:13:25,854 --> 00:13:30,597
I'm going for some water from the
kitchen. I'll still be listening.
194
00:13:30,797 --> 00:13:32,249
Right.
195
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:36,106
Know... Know... Know...
196
00:13:36,306 --> 00:13:38,073
Knowing me...
197
00:13:38,273 --> 00:13:42,527
Know... Know... Know...
Knowing you...
198
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,882
Ah-ha...
199
00:13:48,082 --> 00:13:50,077
There is nothing we can do
200
00:13:50,277 --> 00:13:55,180
We just have to face it this time
We are through.
201
00:13:55,380 --> 00:14:00,303
Now I hear you saying
Why has he chosen
202
00:14:00,503 --> 00:14:05,547
Know... Know... Know... Know...
Knowing me?
203
00:14:05,747 --> 00:14:08,079
Just going to get a biscuit as well.
204
00:14:08,279 --> 00:14:14,073
Know... Know... Know...
Knowing you.
205
00:14:14,673 --> 00:14:19,078
Surely, that song is about divorce?
206
00:14:19,378 --> 00:14:20,548
Right!
207
00:14:20,648 --> 00:14:22,274
But that is my point.
208
00:14:22,374 --> 00:14:30,616
You see, know...know...know...
know...know...knowing Hugo
209
00:14:30,716 --> 00:14:35,386
and know...know...know...
know...know...knowing Alice,
210
00:14:35,586 --> 00:14:42,871
I am sure, unlike Abba,
they will never divorce.
211
00:14:43,094 --> 00:14:47,487
Well..., That's fantastic Jim,
it's gripping stuff.
212
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:50,449
The only doggie part for me was the
knowing me, knowing you stuff,
213
00:14:50,649 --> 00:14:52,545
but the rest of it is perfection...
214
00:14:52,645 --> 00:14:54,565
O no, no. no. no you'r too kind...
215
00:14:54,665 --> 00:14:57,655
Right... so if you like to..
216
00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:02,460
I would now like to conclude
with a quotation,
217
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,527
from my favorite musical...
218
00:15:06,027 --> 00:15:12,140
no, no, no...no..
no, no, no.. no.....
219
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,663
-Oh look at the time,
let's be going I think Jim...
220
00:15:14,863 --> 00:15:19,424
Yes.. a very good speech..
no, no, no, no, you think it is?
221
00:15:19,524 --> 00:15:22,094
no, no, no, no,
-Oh well, safe journey home then..
222
00:15:22,194 --> 00:15:26,864
no, no, no, no, no
No no Nanette..
223
00:15:31,092 --> 00:15:36,164
She definitely said ten.
I can't imagine what's held her up.
224
00:15:43,283 --> 00:15:44,314
Morning.
225
00:15:44,514 --> 00:15:46,445
Morning Vicar.
226
00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:53,350
Simon not here?
No, something else came up. Oh.
227
00:15:53,550 --> 00:15:59,142
Right. Some dinosaurs perhaps.
Pardon? Nothing.
228
00:15:59,842 --> 00:16:02,796
Right. Let's get started,
shall we?
229
00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:05,384
Jim, have you got the ring?
230
00:16:05,984 --> 00:16:07,818
No, I haven't.
231
00:16:08,018 --> 00:16:12,064
No, I know you haven't got it now,
but you will have it on the day?
232
00:16:12,164 --> 00:16:14,339
That's right.
233
00:16:14,539 --> 00:16:18,877
Right. So...
Have you got the ring?
234
00:16:19,077 --> 00:16:23,104
No. I'll have it on the day.
235
00:16:23,304 --> 00:16:25,152
Right. Moving on, then.
236
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:30,094
Owen, it's a wedding video.
It's not Schindler's List.
237
00:16:32,417 --> 00:16:35,273
Fine, this is when I'll ask,
Who give the hand
238
00:16:35,473 --> 00:16:36,692
of this woman in marriage...
239
00:16:36,792 --> 00:16:39,523
Yes, well.. look..
I been worried about that.
240
00:16:39,623 --> 00:16:42,000
How come?
You see, I'v been thinking..
241
00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:46,727
..people may think that I'm
the actual father of the bride.
242
00:16:46,827 --> 00:16:51,000
Mmm.. That's a problem, is it?
Well.. Yes, so I thought
243
00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:53,834
..we may put this
in the order of service.
244
00:16:53,934 --> 00:16:58,338
Mmm, right..
-Frank Pickle would like to point out that he's
245
00:16:58,438 --> 00:17:00,088
an old friend of the family.
246
00:17:00,188 --> 00:17:03,172
And he's definitely not
Alice's father.
247
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:08,635
As he have never had sexual
relations with Ms Tinker in any way..
248
00:17:10,385 --> 00:17:12,595
Well.. I thought it might help.
249
00:17:12,767 --> 00:17:18,610
Thank's for all that Vicar.
The wedding is gotta be just fabulouso.
250
00:17:18,710 --> 00:17:22,548
Yeah...
And the wedding night Hugo?
251
00:17:22,648 --> 00:17:25,907
Have you thought about that?
Oh absolutely, we both packing
252
00:17:26,007 --> 00:17:29,319
hot water bottles and I got a
brand new pair of Rupert Bear pyjamas.
253
00:17:29,513 --> 00:17:34,164
Alright.. right..
And of course that copy of basic instinct.
254
00:17:34,264 --> 00:17:36,004
Oh..
Suddenly too much information there..
255
00:17:37,491 --> 00:17:39,316
Oh, Alice, this one's filthy!
256
00:17:39,516 --> 00:17:43,187
Sorry. Please excuse me. I've got
to get ready for evensong. Right.
257
00:17:43,387 --> 00:17:49,466
I-I'll leave you to it. ..Oh,
hello, Uncle Simon. Hi, bog brush.
258
00:17:52,290 --> 00:17:56,490
I'm sorry I missed the rehearsal.
It's that bloody motorway.
259
00:17:56,590 --> 00:17:58,391
No don't worry really.
260
00:17:59,399 --> 00:18:01,730
Shall I help you with that?
No, I do it every day.
261
00:18:03,101 --> 00:18:07,635
Actually, if you could help
at the back... Thanks.
262
00:18:07,835 --> 00:18:12,008
Well, hello! Blondie!
263
00:18:12,208 --> 00:18:17,000
What this? This is just a whim,
just a whimsical whim.
264
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,580
That's me for you - born whimy.
265
00:18:19,780 --> 00:18:23,666
I planned to go out for dinner this
evening, get away from big brother.
266
00:18:23,866 --> 00:18:27,764
I was wondering, if you would concider joining me?
267
00:18:29,768 --> 00:18:31,628
Yeah, wouldn't mind.
268
00:18:33,783 --> 00:18:37,823
Don't forget my hen party tonight,
Geraldine. I'll be round at eight.
269
00:18:38,023 --> 00:18:41,659
Ah. God obviously hates me.
270
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:46,210
Another day. Another day.
How about tomorrow?
271
00:18:46,410 --> 00:18:50,121
I have to get back to Liverpool
straight after the reception.
272
00:18:50,321 --> 00:18:54,424
Liverpool? Yes,
I'm "your friend in the north."
273
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:59,253
Oh, blondie...
I'll see you at the wedding.
274
00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:09,027
Nice arse, he can get me one anytime.
275
00:19:13,101 --> 00:19:15,401
I beg your pardon Alice?
Oh I was just practising.
276
00:19:15,867 --> 00:19:18,265
I'v been reading this book
about hen parties and apparently
277
00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:21,721
we have to watch this man
taking his clothes off
278
00:19:21,821 --> 00:19:25,681
and then the bride has to say
-Nice arse, he can get me one anytime-
279
00:19:25,725 --> 00:19:27,328
Does she indeed...
280
00:19:28,265 --> 00:19:32,081
Who is comming to this party then?
-You know, all my girlfriends..
281
00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:38,631
And for many do I get booze for,
10? -No. 20? 40? -No.
282
00:19:38,731 --> 00:19:43,915
Oh down? -Mm. 20? -Mm
10? Less than 10? -Yeah..
283
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,005
Ah...
284
00:19:49,298 --> 00:19:51,779
Now I'm anybody's!
285
00:19:55,995 --> 00:20:00,452
This is the best party I've ever
been to in my whole life. Is it?
286
00:20:00,652 --> 00:20:03,031
Me too. It's wild, isn't it?
287
00:20:04,674 --> 00:20:07,328
Everybody's been so nice,
haven't they?
288
00:20:07,528 --> 00:20:10,493
I can't imagine a better best man
than Jim.
289
00:20:10,593 --> 00:20:14,364
No.. I think his speech
is going to be a real highlight.
290
00:20:14,501 --> 00:20:17,081
And Mr Newit have been ever so
thorough with the wedding video
291
00:20:17,181 --> 00:20:19,533
He's even letting us pay for him
to come on our honeymoon..
292
00:20:19,633 --> 00:20:23,287
just so he can take a few pictures.
Yeah.. He's all heart is't he...
293
00:20:23,487 --> 00:20:27,294
Oh, dear Frank agreeing
to give me away! Yes.
294
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:29,955
It would have been nice
to have had Mr Horton,
295
00:20:30,055 --> 00:20:31,806
being my actual biological father,
296
00:20:32,006 --> 00:20:36,261
but for obvious reasons
that's not possible and Fank's lovely.
297
00:20:37,764 --> 00:20:41,515
Sorry, sorry. Just slipped into
a parallel universe
298
00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:44,920
where absolutley nothing
made sense there for a moment.
299
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:49,773
You said Mr Horton was your father.
Yes. He didn't bring me up or anything,
300
00:20:49,973 --> 00:20:53,829
but Mum said that one night
they had a "stand" together
301
00:20:53,929 --> 00:20:56,720
and that makes him
my biological father.
302
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:01,000
Gateway to hell wide open now.
303
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:07,378
I suppose that's one reason Hugo and
me get on so well - being related.
304
00:21:12,867 --> 00:21:14,726
Nobody would know...
305
00:21:15,074 --> 00:21:17,182
Nobody would know...
306
00:21:19,641 --> 00:21:23,788
..until the day
the first child was born...
307
00:21:24,602 --> 00:21:26,507
with eight legs...
308
00:21:26,707 --> 00:21:29,471
and webbed feet...
309
00:21:29,671 --> 00:21:31,776
and fur.
310
00:21:38,732 --> 00:21:40,366
And there she is.
311
00:21:40,566 --> 00:21:44,482
Our first glimpse of the vicar
on this very special wedding day.
312
00:21:44,582 --> 00:21:46,578
What are you doing?
313
00:21:48,377 --> 00:21:53,263
Are you all right, Vicar? I'm just a
bit off-colour. I've a cold coming.
314
00:21:53,463 --> 00:21:55,744
Would you like me to rub
some Vick on your chest?
315
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,189
No, that won't be necessary,
thank you Owen. -Shame.
316
00:22:01,389 --> 00:22:04,673
Owen, I'm going
to have to cancel the wedding.
317
00:22:04,773 --> 00:22:06,480
Because of a sniffle?
318
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:08,969
No, because I just found out last night,
319
00:22:09,069 --> 00:22:13,670
that Alice's biological father
is David Horton.
320
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:16,821
-Yes that's right.
What's the problem?
321
00:22:18,224 --> 00:22:23,720
Sorry?.. Has the British legal and
ethical system entirely bypassed Dibley?
322
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:28,081
David Horton!!!
You do know who I mean by David Horton?
323
00:22:28,281 --> 00:22:30,885
Yes. The cousin
of our David Horton's father.
324
00:22:30,985 --> 00:22:32,886
His predecessor on the council.
325
00:22:33,086 --> 00:22:35,838
Dirty Dave Horton,
the stud of Stadhampton.
326
00:22:35,894 --> 00:22:40,508
Oh, right! Right! Obviously!
327
00:22:40,708 --> 00:22:42,908
Oh, Owen.
328
00:22:43,008 --> 00:22:46,398
I love you.
Shall we go to bed, then?
329
00:22:47,140 --> 00:22:48,677
No.
330
00:22:49,197 --> 00:22:50,777
Oh, I'd better hurry.
331
00:23:32,313 --> 00:23:36,619
We come together to witness
the marriage of Alice and Hugo.
332
00:23:36,819 --> 00:23:41,008
Before we begin, we'll sing
one of Alice's favourite hymns.
333
00:23:41,208 --> 00:23:43,540
I say "hymn"...
334
00:23:46,486 --> 00:23:53,938
# Come a little bit closer, baby
Get it on, get it on tonight
335
00:23:54,256 --> 00:23:56,059
# Tonight
336
00:23:56,159 --> 00:23:59,243
# When two become o-one
337
00:23:59,443 --> 00:24:03,567
# I need some love like I've
never needed love before...
338
00:24:03,767 --> 00:24:06,519
# I wanna make love to you, baby!
339
00:24:06,719 --> 00:24:12,591
# Now I'm back for more...
I wanna make love to you, baby
340
00:24:12,791 --> 00:24:14,903
# Set your spirit free
341
00:24:15,103 --> 00:24:19,139
# It's the only way to be-e-e-e. #
342
00:24:22,018 --> 00:24:25,969
If any person here knows
of any just cause or impediment
343
00:24:26,169 --> 00:24:29,943
why these two should not
be joined together in matrimony,
344
00:24:30,043 --> 00:24:33,492
let them speak now
or forever hold their peace.
345
00:24:34,282 --> 00:24:35,796
Yes!
346
00:24:38,356 --> 00:24:39,380
I do.
347
00:24:43,047 --> 00:24:45,260
The groom is already married.
348
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:50,682
He married me three years ago,
and don't let him deny it.
349
00:24:50,882 --> 00:24:52,818
I've got the marriage certificate
to prove it.
350
00:24:58,294 --> 00:25:01,648
Oh, sorry. Wrong church.
351
00:25:24,082 --> 00:25:26,061
Have you got the ring?
352
00:25:26,261 --> 00:25:27,885
Yes.
353
00:25:44,050 --> 00:25:46,447
No.
354
00:25:47,247 --> 00:25:48,825
Right.
355
00:25:51,367 --> 00:25:54,752
With this ring, I thee wed.
356
00:25:54,952 --> 00:25:56,535
With this ring...
357
00:25:56,735 --> 00:25:59,290
..I thee wed.
358
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:04,456
With my body, I thee worship.
359
00:26:04,656 --> 00:26:09,140
W-W-W-W...
360
00:26:15,203 --> 00:26:17,361
Repeat after me -
361
00:26:18,542 --> 00:26:23,028
I, Alice Springs Tinker...
362
00:26:23,228 --> 00:26:27,000
..take thee, Hugo Horton...
363
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,847
..take thee, Hugo Horton...
364
00:26:31,047 --> 00:26:34,010
..to be my lawful wedded husband...
365
00:26:34,210 --> 00:26:40,196
..to be my lawful wedded husband,
to have and to hold...
366
00:26:40,396 --> 00:26:43,464
..to have and to hold...
367
00:26:43,664 --> 00:26:48,070
..from this day forward...
..for richer, for poorer...
368
00:26:48,270 --> 00:26:54,880
..for better, for worse,
till death us do part. Amen.
369
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,304
..in sickness and in health...
Yes, in that too.
370
00:27:02,563 --> 00:27:04,511
I know true love when I see it,
371
00:27:04,611 --> 00:27:09,061
and I saw it in this pair
from the moment I arrived in Dibley.
372
00:27:09,261 --> 00:27:12,133
I also know true insanity.
373
00:27:12,233 --> 00:27:15,093
I think I've had a little glimpse
of that too.
374
00:27:20,230 --> 00:27:26,289
And so, by the power vested in me,
I now pronounce you man and wife.
375
00:27:27,521 --> 00:27:29,260
You may kiss the bride.
376
00:27:30,613 --> 00:27:32,106
No, Jim.
377
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:35,152
Not you.
378
00:27:53,525 --> 00:27:59,184
# Wild thing
You make my heart sing
379
00:28:01,176 --> 00:28:05,671
# You make everything...groovy. #
380
00:28:20,036 --> 00:28:21,808
Splendid service, Vicar.
381
00:28:22,008 --> 00:28:24,322
I'll throw my bouquet. Ready?
382
00:28:24,522 --> 00:28:26,278
I wonder who the next bride will be.
383
00:28:26,378 --> 00:28:31,013
Don't tell me you believe
in all that superstitious nonsense.
384
00:28:52,129 --> 00:28:54,443
Ah! Gosh.
385
00:28:54,643 --> 00:28:56,482
Looks like it's me.
386
00:28:58,590 --> 00:29:00,860
Here we are.
Oh, thank you.
387
00:29:05,617 --> 00:29:07,626
So did you enjoy the service then Jim?
388
00:29:07,726 --> 00:29:13,670
Oh you bet I did, that Alice snog's like
a nymphomaniac on the deth row.
389
00:29:14,470 --> 00:29:17,068
Yes..
Did you settle on a present?
390
00:29:17,168 --> 00:29:21,809
Well, I notise there was a dishwasher
on the wedding list. -Ah lovely
391
00:29:21,909 --> 00:29:24,409
Yes, so we clubs together..
-Ah...
392
00:29:24,509 --> 00:29:27,459
And bought them a
bottle of rinse aid for it..
393
00:29:28,281 --> 00:29:32,000
Right.. What are you guys like ey..
spend, spend, spend...
394
00:29:33,102 --> 00:29:35,002
Perhaps we could have
got away with a sachet..
395
00:29:41,639 --> 00:29:45,868
Ahem. While Alice and Hugo
are getting ready,
396
00:29:45,968 --> 00:29:48,183
I'd like to make
a small announcement.
397
00:29:48,383 --> 00:29:51,333
A good old Vicar speech
for every occasion, eh?
398
00:29:51,533 --> 00:29:55,344
I'd just like to say that today
was a very special wedding for me
399
00:29:55,544 --> 00:29:59,639
because I am, in fact,
going to be leaving Dibley.
400
00:30:00,239 --> 00:30:04,104
And so it was in fact,
my last marriage here.
401
00:30:04,904 --> 00:30:07,814
I'm going to miss you all to bits,
obviously.
402
00:30:08,014 --> 00:30:13,315
It's just that I feel spirituality the real
problems are in the inner cities,
403
00:30:13,515 --> 00:30:18,133
so I'm going to a new parish
in Liverpool.
404
00:30:19,061 --> 00:30:23,057
And I happen to know
a couple of tall people there,
405
00:30:23,257 --> 00:30:26,684
so I think the whole experience
will be very satisfying.
406
00:30:26,884 --> 00:30:28,282
Thank you.
407
00:30:28,982 --> 00:30:34,536
Vicar, for the first time in my life,
I'm speechless.
408
00:30:35,536 --> 00:30:38,475
Well, not the first time.
409
00:30:38,675 --> 00:30:42,581
As a baby, I was speechless,
obviously.
410
00:30:42,781 --> 00:30:46,605
And in 1972,
I lost my voice for a day,
411
00:30:46,705 --> 00:30:51,453
so in a sense
I was speechless then... Dear Frank.
412
00:30:51,653 --> 00:30:54,160
I whant you to know, you're the
best vicar we've ever had.
413
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:57,653
Thank you Owen.
All the others were ugly bastards.
414
00:30:59,496 --> 00:31:02,007
You're a very tender human being Owen.
415
00:31:02,207 --> 00:31:04,106
You've been just wonderful,
416
00:31:04,306 --> 00:31:10,191
and after you we want another woman
vicar... Turned you into a feminist Jim!
417
00:31:10,391 --> 00:31:15,251
..with a lovely arse, like yours.
I spoke too soon.
418
00:31:15,451 --> 00:31:19,580
So you're becoming a Liver bird.
It's gonna be great.
419
00:31:19,780 --> 00:31:26,029
What a cruel sod Fate is. David's
asked me to run the estate for him.
420
00:31:26,129 --> 00:31:27,732
I shall be moving to Dibley.
421
00:31:28,894 --> 00:31:29,896
..Really?
422
00:31:30,419 --> 00:31:32,107
Dibley?
423
00:31:32,307 --> 00:31:36,039
It's such a pity. We could have
really got to know each other good.
424
00:31:37,439 --> 00:31:39,611
Excuse me.
425
00:31:43,231 --> 00:31:47,017
Sorry.
Just another teeny change of plan.
426
00:31:47,217 --> 00:31:49,751
Vicar.
Sod it, I'll tell you later.
427
00:31:49,951 --> 00:31:56,041
Big hand for the bride and groom,
who are in their going-away gear!
428
00:32:01,145 --> 00:32:02,751
We're off to Barbados.
429
00:32:06,014 --> 00:32:10,606
Quite amusing, actually. I've put a
little firework in the exhaust pipe.
430
00:32:10,806 --> 00:32:14,229
No, no, no? So did I.
431
00:32:14,429 --> 00:32:16,837
Oh, dear. Me too.
432
00:32:22,753 --> 00:32:27,752
I must say, I think marriage looks
rather good fun, don't you, Vicar?
433
00:32:28,371 --> 00:32:35,487
Well, don't quote me on it,
but, er...yes, I do.
434
00:33:05,129 --> 00:33:08,977
So, the man from McDonald's goes
to the Pope and says,
435
00:33:09,077 --> 00:33:11,602
"Holy Father,
I have a proposition for you.
436
00:33:11,802 --> 00:33:15,713
"I will give the Church
a million quid
437
00:33:15,913 --> 00:33:17,807
"if every time you say
the Lord's Prayer,
438
00:33:17,907 --> 00:33:22,835
you say 'Give us
this day our daily hamburger.' " Mm.
439
00:33:23,035 --> 00:33:26,228
The Holy Father thinks about this
and he says, "My son,
440
00:33:26,328 --> 00:33:28,611
I cannot change the holy text."
441
00:33:28,811 --> 00:33:32,336
So the man says,
"OK. FIFTY million quid."
442
00:33:32,536 --> 00:33:37,104
So the Pope says,
"I'll put it to the cardinals."
443
00:33:37,304 --> 00:33:42,072
So he says to his cardinals, "I've
some good news and some bad news.
444
00:33:42,272 --> 00:33:46,900
"The good news is that I can get
the Church 50 million smackeroonies.
445
00:33:47,100 --> 00:33:51,118
"The bad news is we'll have to lose
the contract with Wonderloaf."
446
00:33:53,628 --> 00:33:55,721
You see, cos they already had
a deal going...
447
00:33:55,821 --> 00:33:59,487
Over the daily bread. -I know,
-I get it.. You get it?
448
00:33:59,687 --> 00:34:00,592
Brilliant.
449
00:34:00,792 --> 00:34:03,374
Oh, you get it. What a relief!
450
00:34:08,977 --> 00:34:11,150
Stay.
36878
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