Original subtitles

HE GASPS

HOOTER GOES OFF

HE YELLS

YELLING AND SHRIEKING

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yes. Hello.

Thank you and welcome to Taskmaster

and a warm welcome it is, too, because I am in a very good mood.

There's going to be some very generous scoring today,

lots of positivity, no harsh judgements,

loads of extra bonus points.

And what I've just described is a dream I had last night.

I woke up in a cold sweat and I've been furious ever since.

I'm so full of hate!

So please welcome and pity Iain Stirling.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Joe Thomas.

Lou Sanders.

Paul Sinha.

And Sian Gibson.

And here by my side is a biological enigma

with exactly 30% fewer bones than the average person.

It's the floppy little Alex Horne.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE It's true. That's actually true.

Hi, Greg. Hi. How are you? Fine. How am I? Yeah - wearing.

I'll tell you what I'm wearing.

I'm wearing a newly modified assistant's coat

with a rehydration function.

And if you can see in there, there's a pouch with a little tube

that goes up there, comes out here,

so at any point you can have a little drink of squash.

You need to keep hydrated because of your skin. OK.

LAUGHTER Keep sucking.

Keep sucking.

Good. And now dilute with the water. Dilute... Fucking hell.

Dilute with the water.

That's it. Yeah.

Fuck.

I mean, you know - eight series, that is the first funny thing you've done.

Look how pleased he is with himself.

I did a thing and he likes it. He did a thing.

Right, let's press on. Price Task. Let's get on with it.

Yes, today it features my favourite word

because they have to bring in the best slippery thing.

Want to know my favourite slippery thing, Greg? No.

So the person that brings in the best slippery thing gets five points

and at the end of the show the person with the most points

will take home all five slippery things -

if they can hold onto them.

OK, Sian - Sian Gibson. What slippery thing have you brought in?

Slippers. Here they are. They are memory foam slippers.

They are amazing because I've just discovery memory foam. Yeah?

It's like walking on little clouds. Oh, lovely. Mm.

Do you know what the category was? Something slippery.

'Slip... So, purely, it's got the words... Slipper. ..slipper in it, has it?

Yeah. Try and justify it before I put you in last place.

I don't know how more slippery you can get than a pair of slippers.

In Sian's defence, I do think they are slip-ons. OK.

All right, so they're more slippery than I thought.

I've still got a bad feeling about your ranking.

Sian's opened the batting. Who's next? Iain?

It's an alien in an egg. Here it is. The alien in the egg.

From the '90s.

It's good. It's got like slippery gunky stuff.

And there's a little slippery... Can we see inside it?

Yes, I can introduce you to the inside. There we go.

Ah! The bad news for you, Iain, is that I was a teacher in the '90s,

presumably when you were a child,

and I confiscated many an alien capsule.

And then kept them and made your own world.

Never mind what I did with them.

The point is I'm fairly certain they were sticky, not slippery.

'They're definitely more slippery than a slipper. I am in agreement with you on that.

Lou? Can you beat an alien or a slipper?

Well, have you heard of the phrase slip-sliding around?

Simon and Garfunkel song? Mm. More or less.

Add Nasty Nick to that, a slippery character,

and voila.

It's a... It's a slippy old slide with Nasty Nick on top of it.

It is slippery and she's used a double meaning for slippery. Mm.

Nasty Nick was a very slippery character.

Yes. They said, "He worms his way into people's confidentiality."

That's the description from the very first episode. Slippery.

What a slippery character!

Who's next? Paul? What could be more slippery,

and I spent a lot of money on this, than a banana skin?

There it is.

Legendarily slippy. Old school slippy.

Most slippery food product you will ever eat.

And then I thought, you've heard of banoffee pie,

the portmanteau of banana and toffee.

So I've gone for ban-jelly pie.

OK. Here's ban-jelly pie. Ban-jelly pie!

He's not finished yet, Greg.

I mean, I'm already slipping all over the place.

To make it even more slippery... Yeah?

..I've added a pair of slippers.

What?! APPLAUSE

He's a Chaser. Duality of meaning.

Slippery can mean slippy and can mean "like slippers".

Why are you only just piping up now? Why didn't you say this before?

He's upped the game. He's taken your slippers

and raised it a jelly and a banana skin. I know!

It's looking good for Paul Sinha.

Er, Joe... Really? Yeah. Yeah, really, yeah.

Hi, Joe. Hello.

Soap.

Five points.

There is the soap.

There's no way that...

It's classic. It's classically slippery.

Yeah, I certainly think of soap as being slippery

but if we can just eke this chat out for a few more seconds... Yeah.

Er... Soap, soap, soapy, soapy, soap, soap.

If you like soap so much, Nasty Nick is a soap character,

so it works on three levels.

AUDIENCE: Ah! Thank... Thank you.

Thank you. She's got a point. She's a got a point.

Yeah.

You've seen all five slippery things. Yes, please.

Do you want to judge? Yes, please.

I'm going to give Sian's slippers two points,

just because there was only one level of slipperiness

and that's her feet slipping in to her non-sticky slippers. OK.

Erm, just because it gave me happy memories of the '90s

and confiscating toys off children, I'll give Iain three points.

OK. Three to Iain.

And you're not going to believe this but I am going to do it.

I am going to give four points to the banana king.

'But soap is such a slippery substance, I'm going to give them four points, Joe and Paul.

Which means that Lou gets either one or five. That's right.

And I thought I'd leave that as an exciting... Mm.

Drum roll at the end.

'So many levels of slippy - five points. Five points to Lou! CHEERING

OK. Task Time. It is.

And it's a puzzling one with fruit and bowls and things. Here we go.

Hello, mate. Hello.

Oh, you sneaky sausage.

Do you want me to...? Yes, please.

Ah. OK.

I wouldn't. No? Oh.

Oh, I'm going to love this.

"Find the pink ladies."

"If you touch or move a bowl, you must turn it over."

So I can't touch or move one.

Oh, but I can look underneath.

"If you find the green egg you are disqualified."

No, no, no, no. The task is on the bench.

Oh, the task is on...

Remember the task? I remember about the task, yeah.

Erm...

Most pink ladies wins. You have ten minutes.

Your time starts now. I don't understand.

If you touch or move a bowl you must turn it over.

So I just turn all the bowls over?

"Find the pink ladies." APPLAUSE

So there's not much to say. Pretty straightforward.

My only observations are, Sian saw some upturned bowls on some benches

and said, "Oh, I am going to love this."

And, I mean, I've...

I can't imagine why.

It's party time.

# Boop! #

Erm... And secondly, the phrase sneaky sausage - simply unacceptable.

OK, we're going to let Iain and Joe have a go first.

It's the Needy Guys.

You can't... Whoa!

I nearly feel and hurt myself then.

It feels a bit pervy, looking up at the bowl.

I mean, I don't know if that's what you're meant to do.

I mean, I don't know - I'm just going to do this.

'Oh, I see. The pink... Right, OK. Well, that's one.

'They're apples. Of course.

Oh! Is pink ladies an apple?

Oh-ho! Sussed it, son!

'That is actually... That's working quite well, actually.

Huh!

That is a pink lady!

That one, I can't see it. For what it's worth, I think that's...

The oranges are just... That's just a non-event? OK.

Well, I mean, is it...? Well.

OK, yeah, right, fine. I'm telling you.

'It's a pink lady.

'Oh, no! You have to turn that one over.

'No. You have to. You touched it.

If that's a green egg...

Pink lady!

Yeah. That's three.

Pink lady.

'On that one it says, "Look at the cow." Right.

What cow? Look at the cow?

Which word is he struggling with? Well, I suppose it's cow.

"Look at the back of the clipboard."

Is this looking at the cow?

Is it your clipboard?

Oh, my God.

"Look on the other side of the cow."

For fuck's sake!

"There are five pink ladies." That's not any use to me!

Oh!

I've got them. There are five pink ladies.

I've got five, so I think I'm finished.

WHISTLE BLOWS Thank you, Joe. Thanks a lot.

'Do you want to showboat by opening the other two? I really want to showboat.

Ah, OK. Interesting.

What have you found? I've found a little grid here.

There's a diagram. I think that's another satsuma in the middle.

And that's the green egg.

Oh, no!

Oh!

Right.

I want to showboat. I'm doing it, I'm doing it.

What did I say? That one?

Fuck it.

Arrgh!

Damn it! Yeah, it's a shame.

Honestly, I had to.

Once the idea was there, you have to do it.

'What happened? I was convinced I was going to come across as like a genius.

Sadly, not to be.

Yeah, I'm afraid he is disqualified from the task. Ah!

Get in! LAUGHTER

Joe, you seem to feel guilty about perving on an apple. Yeah.

And I would say, despite the dithering,

he found all five pink ladies and succeeded.

And later on he found the pattern as well

but by then he'd succeeded in completing the task.

Well, maybe he's my Hugh Grant-esque strategy expert? Yes.

Hello. It is the end of part one.

Iain's off to a terrible start. Can he claw it back from here?

Will anyone else find the green egg? Find out in part two!

CHEERING

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster.

I like what you've all done with your hair.

Now, what was happening before the break, Alex?

Well, that's one great question, Greg. Spot on. Cheers, mate.

Well, the current task involves them trying to find five pink lady apples

underneath nine bowls.

But if they find the green egg, it's game over.

'Next it's Paul Sinha and the pink lady herself, Lou Sanders.

How many pink ladies are there? Good question.

Eight? OK. Are there?

Huh! I can't tell you that. Right.

'One pink lady.

You see the temptation is to stick at one.

The temptation is to assume

that others will go hell for leather

trying to accumulate as many pink ladies as possible

and eventually have the green egg.

I can't see that one. Eight and nine is 72...

Eight and nine and seven... 56.

What is a pink lady?

It is an apple.

A pink lady's an apple, Alex.

It's not a pink lady.

It's not a green egg. This changes the odds.

That's an apple, babe.

'It's an apple!

'That's another pink lady.

'There you go.

"Look at the cow."

336.

Nine times eight times seven is 336. Over 504.

That's 65% chance of being right three times in a row.

'And I'm sticking. "There are five pink ladies."

'How many apples are there altogether? Five.

How many more have you got to find? Two. Good.

OK. Is there a formation?

Oh! This one, this one, this one.

Ten seconds.

'There's more, there's more.

'There's more indicators.

WHISTLE BLOWS Well, Lou, you found the pattern.

Well done, Lou. Four. Not bad, actually.

Oh, there it is as well!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Oh, yes.

Another incredible contrast, I think, between two styles of approach.

Paul's, some master chess player,

after the initial wild grab, of course.

That's what I'm famous for. Yeah. The old Sinha wild grab.

But then he started calculating odds.

Contrast that with Lou shouting, "That's an apple, babe!"

Paul didn't fail the test, like Iain. He got two.

Lou did better than him, right? Yes. She got twice as many apples.

Running around like a child, she got twice as many.

She also spotted the grid. Spotted the grid - spotted it too late.

Yes, spotted it too late. Yeah. Yup. Good.

One left. Yes, there is Sian Gibson left.

Ready? Yes.

Erm...

I'm just going to turn one over.

'I found a pink lady!

'OK. So I'm just going to randomly guess which are pink ladies?

Is that your method, is it? Yeah.

'Oh, my God! I'm good at this.

Oh - tangerine.

'I'm Derren Brown-ing it.

Satsuma.

What's going on?

I don't trust it.

AUDIENCE GROAN

That's... Oh, I've got to open it now, haven't I?

That's the egg. You have touched it, I'm afraid. That's the egg. Is it?

Yeah.

AUDIENCE GROAN

Is that it? Game over?

APPLAUSE

'Did you think that the task was, "Randomly guess where some apples are?"

Do you know how much work he has to put into these tasks?

If he came to me with that and said, "This is called Random Apple Guess,"

I'd physically attack him. Again.

I once went to see a clairvoyant and he said I had a gift.

LOU GASPS

LAUGHTER

And I really thought that I was just channelling pink ladies.

Yeah. And you knew when you touched the bowl that the egg was in...

I knew it was in. You knew it was the egg. Ah! Nil points. Oh!

Paul gets three points, Lou four points, Joe five points!

Hooray! CHEERING

I think we'll get a little scoreboard update, please.

OK, well, I'm afraid Sian has got minimal points - two points so far.

But Joe and Lou are in the lead with nine points! Hooray!

Bring me another task, please. I will bring you another task.

And you've guessed it - I've been modelling again.

LAUGHTER

CROW CAWS

Hmm.

Come in. Hi, Alex.

Who is it? It's Joe Thomas.

From The Inbetweeners? Er, yeah.

How are you? Good. How are you?

Yeah. Yes.

Littlehornes 2019 Catalogue. That's me.

Sexy. Mm. Dream boy.

"Choose an outfit that the contestant

"whose first name comes after yours alphabetically must wear

"throughout a future task."

L-M. We're looking for an M.

It doesn't have to be directly after yours in the alphabet.

So L, M, N, O, P. Paul Sinha, for example.

Erm... Lou, no. Joe, no.

Iain, no. Well, it is Iain because there's no-one after you.

Oh! You could have just said that. I could have.

"You have two minutes to make your choice."

"Your time starts now."

J. Yeah, there's a contestant called Joe.

Oh, yeah! It's Lou, then. Yeah, it's Lou Sanders. OK. Yeah.

Do you know who you're choosing for?

I believe it's the lovely Sian Gibson.

Plenty of time. I like this because he's not got a top on in that one.

And you'd like to see Joe's chest? I'd like to see his chest. OK.

So, boxer, Santa... I think maybe the chef

but I specify that she must wear the mitts.

Does he have to have the hook on at all times?

I'm not going to be sadistic and make her struggle with the task

because she's wearing a pirate's hook.

A sexy pirate. Or, no, a convict.

'Is they're anything you're hoping to avoid if the same thing happens to you?

The boxing gloves and the pirate outfit.

And that's my final answer.

Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Lovely. So presumably they based their choice of costume

on their knowledge of the person they were picking for. Yes.

Paul said he wasn't going to be sadistic, which was lovely.

I couldn't do it. Very nice. That's really sweet. Thanks.

Whereas Iain said, "I want to see his chest."

So were you attempting to hamper Lou's progress with the mitts?

Well, a little bit, yeah. I mean, I sort of...

What a nasty little snake.

I er... Yeah.

Can we have a look? We can see what they're all wearing now.

This is how they turned out for a future task.

Hello. How do you feel about the outfit? I love it.

Arrr!

Me hearties. Lovely.

Hello. Oh, there you are. Yes, here I am.

Are you happy with the choice they've made for you?

Erm... I wanted boxer.

Why did you want boxer? I think I'd be better at hitting than cooking.

Hi, Joe. You all right?

Can I have a...? Yes. Yeah? Yeah.

Oh, hello, Paul. Heston Blumenthal, actually.

I put the buckle on back to front. Oh.

"I".

For Iain. For Iain - see?

IMITATES A DEEP SANTA VOICE Have you been a good boy? Always.

You're on my nice list.

Can you open the task, please, Joe? Mm-hm.

'"Correctly, wearing your complete outfit, identify the flavours of these clisps."

Is it worth you reading the word "crisps" correctly?

Crisps. What did I say? I think you put an L in it.

Clisps. Clisps. Clisps.

"Closest guesses wins. You have ten minutes."

"And your time starts now."

So my big theory that I'd be allowed to take the oven gloves off

is now in smithereens.

Some reactions to your costumes.

For Iain - lovely.

'Personalised it and you were absolutely delighted to be dressed as a lovely pirate, weren't you?

Oh, I was made up. Yeah.

Sian, I would definitely keep my children away from that Santa.

Something about you with a deep voice is not right at all.

DEEP VOICE Hello.

Northern Santa.

I'm Welsh. You're more northern than me.

Oh. Yeah.

Joe, I find it fascinating that you seemingly took absolutely no joy

in being dressed as a boxer. No, I wasn't. But I did.

Your face just said, "Yeah, yeah, so I'm a boxer.

"Now I'm going to have to get this open, clearly.

"With these gloves." Yeah.

'Right. We'll find out how well they do identifying the Taskmaster crisp flavours

right after this invigorating commercial break.

CHEERING

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Hello! Hello and welcome back.

To Taskmaster, fancy dress and crisps. Am I right?

CHEERING

It's very wet now. It's very wet now.

Here's... Here's Joe and Iain.

Oh!

Can you eat them?

It tastes a bit like sort of old potpourri.

'Mm. Can you say purple? As a flavour? Yeah, is that...?

Just because of the colour, like, maybe beetroot. It's not that.

'AUDIENCE GROAN Huh?

'Fucking hell.

'Right. I don't know what that is.

'Minty.

I'd honestly say that tastes like toothpaste. I mean, I don't...

'That tastes like charcoal.

'Burnt. Burnt? Burnt.

'OK. So we've got purple, mint and burnt.

'That tastes like burnt toast.

'Bread! Burnt bread.

HE RETCHES

'That's burnt again.

'Is it not the...?

'Oh, it's claggy.

'Oh, wow!

Would you like a glass of water? Yep.

Ugh! That's bad.

'Cocoa powder.

'Like the husk, like the bit of a peanut that you throw away.

'Ha!

'Just vinegar. It's sort of fishy, though.

That's sweet but in a really weird way,

like, erm, I don't know.

'Almost a... Almost a honey but...

Fishy vinegar. WHISTLE BLOWS

Iain.

Iain just seems totally at home in that.

If he just turned up as standard in that costume I'd just buy it.

I don't like who I become in that costume.

You look more at home as a pirate than our boxing friend does.

I won't be winning many belts, I don't think.

The pirate ate a lot of the crisps.

He licked them all thoroughly, for some reason. Of course.

He couldn't wait to get them in his mouth.

He didn't do bad. He got, I'd say, half a point for getting mint. Yeah.

Half a point for burnt bread. So close.

And half a point for cocoa powder. OK.

I've only just thought about that burnt bread thing now.

That is toast, yeah. That is... That is...

That's just hit home. Wow!

And Joe? Joe did, I would say, slightly better.

He got burnt toast exactly. He got toothpaste.

So it's two whole correct answers.

You want to see the other three? Yes, please. Well, it's the triple C.

The chef, the chef and the Christmas.

Here we go.

Might take longer than ten minutes.

'Not something commercially successful, I don't think.

'These aren't from the shop.

'Tastes like potpourri.

'That tastes of something I know.

'Spearmint.

'Toothpaste?

'It's not sweet and it's not savoury.

'You could use it in Asian cooking.

'Whoo! That's blue.

'Blueberry beef. Sorry - blueberry beef? Mm.

'Actually, can I put blue seaweed? I might get a point for blue.

'Ugh! They are vile!

That's the flavour of burnt.

Cigarette ash?

I can't eat that. That absolutely stinks

of, like, a manky house.

Oh, God, they're just getting worse and worse.

I think we'll leave it there.

'Soap, toothpaste, no idea,

'cigarette ash and no idea.

WHISTLE BLOWS I'll see you on Christmas Eve.

Bye-bye. Goodbye. Thank you.

Whose manky house were you thinking of? Anyone in particular?

Paul's. Paul's?

No, it's not Paul's. It's all the curry that I cook with toothpaste.

We'll be able to work out which crisps you tried, Paul,

because most of them were round your face afterwards.

He got one point for toothpaste. Yeah.

Sian got spearmint. I'll give her half a point for that.

Yeah. That feels right, doesn't it? Yeah.

Maybe half for Lou for "taste of burnt"?

Taste of burnt? Sadly, no bonus point for just saying the colour blue. Mm.

It wasn't saying what colour things are. No.

'Good. Let's award some points. Sian and Lou get two points in joint fourth. Yes, please.

Three points to Paul, four to Iain

but the best taste buds were with Joe - five points. Hooray!

Yes!

Another one? Why not? OK, I'm just going to press this with this.

HE GASPS

Hello. Oh, hello.

Funny thing, isn't it?

Oh. Oh! Silly me.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Oh. Sorry about that.

"Do the most powerful thing with your little finger."

"Most powerful thing done with your little finger wins."

"You have 30 minutes. Your time starts now."

"Do the most powerful thing with your little finger."

OK. What's powerful?

Dance.

I kind of want some electricity out of it.

Creating life. I could take some sperm...

Are you going to finish that sentence?

I'm just going to open the door with my little finger. Wow.

Does that count?

No. OK.

APPLAUSE

I thought no-one was ever going to beat Josh Widdicombe from series one

for commitment to this show by having my name tattooed on his foot.

And yet... If you were to impregnate yourself...

Good. I think... I think we should really quickly see some stuff.

OK, for the first two we've clumped together are Iain and Paul

and I say clumped and I mean clumped. Here we go.

I've got an idea. Oh, yeah? I could donate to a charity.

Oh, yeah? Pretty powerful.

Changes lives.

'The most powerful thing I could do with my little finger is just confirm a financial deal.

I've got a relatively new computer. Congratulations.

'I'm thinking about maybe doing something online that's symbolically powerful

or could do a lot of good.

This is going to be pretty powerful.

I donate to Mind quite a lot.

Mind's a good charity. What do Mind do?

It's for better mental health. Oh!

I think I've found a really worthy cause, which is Oli and Henna.

Oli and Henna want to go on honeymoon.

You can't get a better cause than that - the path of true love.

This is what they've said.

"America holds many special memories for us from our holidays past."

So they've been before. "We're hoping to travel from Los Angeles

"to San Francisco,

"walk on the Hollywood stars..." Bit dull.

Sorry - do you know Oli and Henna? No. I literally...

All I know about them is what I can see on the screen here.

Will you be anonymous or will they know it was you?

Oh, no - they'll know it was me.

I'm not going to donate to a cause and have them not know it was me.

That's absolutely outrageous.

"Is this the first time you've donated to Mind?"

No.

'And also, this is coming out of my current account, not my business account,

even though charitable donations are tax deductible.

Well, that makes it even more powerful.

HE LAUGHS

Only I, right, only I can donate to charity and make it look dickish.

Here goes, Oli and Henna.

Are you going to reveal to us how much you're donating?

Yes. It's 100 British pounds.

You know what I'll do? A monthly donation.

A monthly donation of how much?

Erm, let's say £8.

£8. A monthly donation. Plus Gift Aid.

Finish.

PHONE TINGS It's been accepted.

And if that's not powerful enough,

I'm going to karate chop a bit of shortbread.

Ha-jah!

APPLAUSE Thank you, Iain.

I've got to refer to the relevance of how new your computer is.

'No, I just trusted it to do the transaction within 30 minutes, that's all.

Because it was relatively new? Mm.

'Cos we all know that confirming a financial deal is the most powerful thing.

I mean, Iain's is a very worthy thing to do. Yeah.

Is £8 a month powerful?

Still every month I get a little "ping".

So we presume you're going to live for the next 50 years. Is that right?

Scottish - 30. LAUGHTER

We're probably looking at about three grand.

Powerful? Three grand to charity?

I could donate to a charity, like Iain did,

and it would be a mere drop in the ocean

or I could make some actual, positive influence.

I thought if they go to the West Coast of America,

my donation could give them a good night out in a top steak restaurant.

Well, of course! A top steak restaurant!

Of course you could buy them a lovely night out in a top steak restaurant

but why are we paying for their honeymoon?

There's no we about it - it's me. I tell you who it is.

According to his quote, "I'm the Sinnerman from The Chase

"and I'm a legend when it comes to inexplicable generosity."

LAUGHTER That's what he wrote.

Who's next? Next to prove her pinkie power, it's Lou.

And that's me ready to go.

OK, this is a powerful piece of theatre

and it's called Sea Change.

And that's the thing with pollution. You have to expect the unexpected.

APPLAUSE

I reckon... SIAN LAUGHS

The intention was really good. Really good. It was very noble.

Mm. Yeah.

If... Without explanation, if you saw...

If you just saw the final finished performance,

I'm not sure how powerful a statement it is.

It's theatre. Do you go to the theatre? Yeah, yeah.

But if I paid to go to the theatre

and I saw a woman push a brick off a barrel into a bowl full of ducks...

And babies, and babies. And babies.

I'm not sure perhaps I'd have picked up on your powerful message.

It was very creative.

Uh-oh. Break time. Good luck. Bye-bye.

CHEERING

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello. Welcome back to the last part of today's show.

Yes, welcome back to Taskmaster, where today's secret colour is pink.

We've had pink ladies, pink crisps and pinkies.

Well done if you spotted that. It was definitely deliberate.

Next to power up his pinkie it's Joe Thomas,

which is also a euphemism for a pinkie.

APPLAUSE

Now, that is how to get an issue across.

I mean, that was more powerful than bricks on the ducks.

Pleased with that? You've got to be pleased with that.

You've got to be pleased with that. Yeah.

And your walk away was...

quite the sashay.

It was a striking message, wasn't it?

Oh, boy. GROANING

Oh, that's... He was doing well. Oh, dear, oh, dear. That's a shame.

Erm... That is a shame.

Let's have a look at Sian's. OK, yes.

It's the person with the smallest pinkie here, Sian Gibson.

Got your little fingers?

Ready? I'm ready.

OK.

This is Trevor.

Hmm.

OK. Shhh.

LAUGHTER

Wow. That's powerful.

Changed colour, as well.

It's the heat.

OK, my friend? Are you going stay with Uncle Alex?

Yes, you are. OK, well, thank you, Sian.

And don't touch him for a while.

Still hot? Still hot.

Bye.

Taking on all the big issues, aren't we... Oh, we are. ..in this round?

Creating life. Yeah.

But I'm surprised you chose a guinea pig,

given that the word was "powerful".

I thought you'd go for a more powerful animal, no?

What's more powerful than a guinea pig?

I mean, a dog? Yes. A horse? Horse. Horse.

I couldn't fit it in that tray.

Yeah, it was tray first. Oh! Tray first, idea next.

That's it, yeah. Classic Gibson.

Ready? Who are you giving points to?

I'm giving two points to Lou. Shut up!

Yeah, you shut up. You shut up.

Honestly, that's a mistake. OK.

Let's go with it, though.

LAUGHTER

Iain, it's a worthy thing he did. Yes.

'Even if he was a bit mean, so I'm going to give him three points. Three to Iain.

And I'm going to give Paul three points.

'You're full of horse shit. Sorry, sorry. Lou's just saying you're full of horse shit. OK.

If she says one more thing I'm going to take a point off her. Oh!

Oh, God. The guinea pig, the guinea pig.

RSPCA. I don't know if it's shit or good.

I don't know if it's shit or good.

Did you think it was powerful?

No.

No, I didn't.

I'm going to give it two points.

SHE SQUEAKS What?!

Yeah. Ooh! I know. I just felt it deep in my gut.

Bad, innit? Tell you what, though. Joe's was amazing.

I'm giving him five points and that's an end to it all.

Joe gets five points. I'm not clapping that.

I'm not clapping.

Greg, would you like to hear how that's affected the series scores?

Please. OK, well, Paul has got to 87 points.

CHEERING Yes! Oh!

Everyone else now in triple figures.

Sian and Iain, joint on 101.

Joe on 110.

Lou on 120 - ten points ahead.

CHEERING

OK. Then can you please all make your way to the stage

for the final task of the show!

Hi. Hi. Hi.

Who's going to read it out, then? Joe Thomas is going to read it out.

Do not release the green egg.

Each team will be asked a question in turn.

If you pull the string with the correct answer

you will not release the green egg.

A different member of your team must answer each time.

You must pull a string within 30 seconds.

The team that doesn't release the green egg wins.

'Do you just want to clarify that? If you get the question right, you won't release the green egg.

That's all I can tell you. First question for the team of three.

How many G's are there in the Taskmaster's full name?

Have you got a middle name, babe? What is it? Daniel. Two, two.

Yes, go. That's correct. OK.

From now on can I ask you to pull it slightly more gently?

LAUGHTER

Citizens On Patrol is which number Police Academy film?

It's not 1, it's not 2.

Citizens... It's a... I reckon, let's go... Please pull a number.

Let's go for five. Hurry up, Joe. OK.

Green! Ooh!

How many points did Shirley Bassey's pop socks get

in episode two of this series?

Was it five? It was five but five's gone.

Five's gone. Can we go for five again?

No, you must pull a new number each time.

Go for four. Or three? Or three? Go for four. Are you sure?

LAUGHTER

What is 100 minus 19 divided by 27?

Three. The answer's three. Is it? Yeah.

Oh, it's a pink lady.

How many months of the year have more than eight letters?

One - September. Is it? I think it's more likely to be...

CHEERING

Right. A bit tenuous, this.

What's left behind after a vomit party?

Oh, it's sick. Lots of "sicks". Yes, it's six. Six.

It's you, it's you. OK, right.

CHEERING

Droopy drawers minus triple dozen.

Droopy drawers. 44.

The answer's eight. Minus 11?

Minus 36. It's eight. Oh - eight.

He-shah!

CHEERING

Just a little pull. Santa's German helper.

It's 11. German for 11 is elf.

OK. I trust you.

LOU: Clever boy.

CHEERING

Whoo! How many S's are in the following phrase?

"Assessing the assassin wasn't easy."

Six. "Assessing the assassin wasn't easy."

Six. Six has already been opened.

Oh. One - one. One has already been opened.

Seven, nine or 10.

One? Which one, which one? Seven, nine or 10.

Use the crystals, use the angels.

Nothing there, nothing there. There's nothing there.

GROANING

APPLAUSE

Lou just did a bit of theatre about the environment.

Come down and we'll add those to the final scores.

CHEERING

All good? Absolutely. What a game of Release The Egg

or Don't Release The Egg, as it is called.

Team Sian and Joe got the five points

and the leader board - with an incredible score of 24,

one point off full marks,

Joe Thomas is the winner.

Wow! CHEERING

Look at that. Joe's first victory.

Joe wins. Please go and celebrate with your slippery thing.

CHEERING

'So, what have we learnt today? We've learnt that once Joe Thomas has made a powerful statement,

he knows exactly how to make an exit.

And he also knows how to win a show.

Congratulations once again to tonight's champion, Joe Thomas!

CHEERING

Thank you, everyone. Thank you again and goodnight.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media