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00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,040
Look, Eric! Mommy
got you a present!
2
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:41,200
A present! Is it a Rocket Racer?! No!
Lemmie guess! It's a Frogman Game Board!
3
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,040
No, wait! I know! It's a
Police Power Chopper!
4
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:47,280
No! I got you something that's going to
help you win the big spelling bee tomorrow!
5
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:50,520
Mom, I'm not gonna win
the spelling bee! I never do!
6
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,230
This year's gonna be different!
7
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,520
Look! I got you
Hooked on Monkey Fonics!
8
00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:58,620
What the hell is
Hooked on Monkey Fonics?!
9
00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:00,764
It's a new way to learn
how to read and spell!
10
00:01:00,765 --> 00:01:03,665
And it comes with everything you
need to help win that spelling bee!
11
00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:09,520
It says we just put the
cassette into a tape player.
12
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,440
Welcome to Hooked on
Monkey Fonics! Level one!
13
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,600
I will read the sounds and the
monkey will help keep the beat!
14
00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:23,520
If your monkey arrived in the box dead,
call 1-800-555-4500 to get a new monkey!
15
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,840
Ready!? Let's begin!
16
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:33,340
The learning monkey is here to say
that reading is easy and it's okay!
17
00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:38,000
Work with monkey and you will learn to
spell hard words like Morgan and Fern!
18
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,760
Start with card one!
Ready?! Begin!
19
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,680
C! H! Ch! Chalk!
20
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,600
C! H! Ch! Chalk!
21
00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,280
Good! Card two!
22
00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:57,200
T! H! Th! There!
23
00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:00,240
T! H! Th! There!
Hey! This is easy!
24
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,640
I'm gonna win the
spelling bee for sure, man!
25
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:10,500
Alright, everyone! Welcome to the 15
Annual South Park Spelling Bee Finals!
26
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:15,085
This should be very interesting!
27
00:02:15,086 --> 00:02:18,686
We have with us 12 of the brightest
spellers from South Park Elementary!
28
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,920
Kyle! Kyle! He's our man! If he
can't win it, I'm out 50 bucks!
29
00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:24,200
You bet money on my son to win?!
30
00:02:24,260 --> 00:02:27,040
Sure! When it comes to spelling
bees, always bet on the Jew!
31
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,490
You're going down, bitch! - Shut up, fatass!
Everyone knows I can spell better than you!
32
00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:32,740
Yeah! Well, this year,
I have a secret weapon!
33
00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:37,215
And joining us this year are
the two homeschool children,
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00:02:37,216 --> 00:02:39,816
Rebecca and Mark Coxwalds!
35
00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:41,700
What?!
36
00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:45,520
- Homeschool kids?! Who the
hell are they?! - Hey, that's not fair!
37
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,760
You can't let homeschool kids
into a public school spelling bee!
38
00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:52,000
- What's a homeschool kid?! - I don't
know, dude! I've never seen them before!
39
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,420
Go Mark! Go Rebecca!
40
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:58,880
Our first contestant is Mark
Coxwalds from homeschool!
41
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:03,280
Alright, Mark! Your
word is "Conscientious"!
42
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:04,840
What?! What the
fuck does that mean?
43
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,160
Conscientious! May I have
the definition, please?!
44
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,080
Closely attentive
to details! Carefull!
45
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,600
Conscientious! Could you
use it in a sentence, please?!
46
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:16,480
Mary's analysis of the spread
sheet was conscientious!
47
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:22,520
Conscientious!
C! O! N! S! C! I! E! N! T! I! O! U! S!
48
00:03:22,820 --> 00:03:23,860
Holy crap!
49
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,080
Way to go, Mark! Alright!
50
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:30,600
Okay! Our next
contestant is Eric Cartman!
51
00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:36,660
Alright, Eric!
Here's your word: "Chair"!
52
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,280
C'mon Fonics Monkey! Drum!
53
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:46,480
C'mon!
54
00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:54,760
- Eric, your word is "Chair"!
- Uh, definition?!
55
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,680
Something you sit on!
56
00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,040
- Country of origin?!
- English!
57
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,800
- Could you please use it in a sentence?!
- For Christ sake, kid! The word is "Chair"!
58
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:09,280
Uh, Chair! C! H! A! R! E!
59
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,470
Ah, dammit! How come
I get the hard ones?!
60
00:04:11,471 --> 00:04:14,471
GET OVER HERE, YOU SON OF
A BITCH FONICS MONKEY!
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00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,470
Alright! We're down
to just three finalists!
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00:04:18,471 --> 00:04:22,371
First up is Rebecca
Coxwalds from homeschool!
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00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:25,780
Alright, Rebecca.
Here is your word: litoral.
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00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:27,520
Litoral! Definition!?
65
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,000
Having to do with
a lake or ocean!
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00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:33,120
Litoral! Will you please
use it in a sentence?!
67
00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:37,240
Gary was most interested in
the litoral features of Michigan!
68
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,280
Litoral!
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00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:45,400
L! I! T! O! R! A! L!
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00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:47,380
Correct!
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00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:50,000
Alright, Rebecca!
Good job, honey!
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00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:52,680
Now, we have Kyle Broflovski!
73
00:04:53,340 --> 00:04:55,200
Here we go! "Kroxyldiphyvic"!
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00:04:55,260 --> 00:04:57,080
- What?!
- "Kroxyldiphyvic"!
75
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:58,000
Definition!?
76
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:01,960
Something which has
a kroxyldiphlyke quality!
77
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:03,840
Uh, could you use
it in a sentence?!
78
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:08,440
Certainly! Kroxyldiphyvic
is a hard word to spell!
79
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,160
You can do it, kid!
You can do it!
80
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,360
Kyoxyl-divic!
81
00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:17,980
C! Dammit!
82
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:21,140
You little bastard!
You cost me fifty bucks!
83
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,400
Why don't you run away and join the
circus, you stupid little son of a bitch!?
84
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:29,520
Congradulations, Mark and Rebecca!
You are truly South Park's finest!
85
00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,485
Damn, dude! Those
homeschool kids are smart!
86
00:05:32,486 --> 00:05:35,486
Yeah! Too bad they have the
personalities of a wet dish cloth!
87
00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:38,320
- What's your name?!
- What's in a name?
88
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:42,120
It was nice competing against you boys!
We will have to do it again sometime!
89
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:43,840
Oh, yes! We must do it again!
90
00:05:43,841 --> 00:05:45,860
We've never seen you before! Do
you live in the woods or something?!
91
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:49,040
No, I live right over there!
I lived there all my life!
92
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:50,510
How come you don't
go to school?!
93
00:05:50,511 --> 00:05:52,011
Because I'm homeschooled!
- What's that?!
94
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,320
My parents teach me! So I stay and
home instead of going to school!
95
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,480
You what?! Stay at home?!
All day?! No school?!
96
00:05:57,481 --> 00:05:58,481
Right!
97
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,200
Who would've thought
such a miracle could be?
98
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:05,920
Who could've known that this moment,
I would see a new way of living?!
99
00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:07,720
- Shut up, Cartman!
- You shut up, butthole!
100
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:09,920
- You shut up, gay wad!
- You shut up, ass logger!
101
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,140
Oh, my goodness! Are you two
enemies?! - No! We're friends!
102
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,500
- Strange, friends would call each
other names and fight! - What?!
103
00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:20,160
Come, children! Let's take our trophies home
and place them high upon the mantle!
104
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,880
Dude, what a bunch
of freakin' nerdos!
105
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:35,720
- Papa!
- Yes, Mark?
106
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:37,880
Why can't I go to school
with the other boys?!
107
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:42,000
Well because son, public schools
are inefficient and dangerous!
108
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:45,080
But I want to play with the other children!
Oh, how they laugh and play, papa!
109
00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,840
Mark, you have play time! You
get to play in the afternoons!
110
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,566
I just feel like I should
go to public school,
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00:06:49,567 --> 00:06:51,867
if only for a little while, to see
what other little boys are like!
112
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,952
Mark, public schools are no good!
Your mother and I were both
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00:06:54,953 --> 00:06:57,153
homeschooled and we turned
out much better, because of it!
114
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,120
Please, papa! Just let
me try for a few days!
115
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:02,343
Alright! Fine, Mark! You go
ahead and go to public school!
116
00:07:02,344 --> 00:07:05,044
You can just find out for yourself
how flawed and trecherous it is!
117
00:07:05,081 --> 00:07:06,079
Hooray!
118
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,640
You don't wanna go to public
school too! Do you, Rebecca?!
119
00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:10,650
Oh heavens, no!
120
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,700
Well, thank God for that! At
least my daughter will remain safe!
121
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,360
Uh, hi! Is, uh!
Is Rebecca home?!
122
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,040
Yes she is!
123
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:23,960
Can I talk to her?!
124
00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:27,960
Oh! Well, I suppose so! Rebecca!
This little boy wants to see you!
125
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:29,200
Hello!
126
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,200
- Hi!
- Hello!
127
00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:45,460
I was... just uh...
well! That's all!
128
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,150
- Who was that?! - A little
boy wanted to see Rebecca!
129
00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:54,000
Oh, no! I told you the
spelling bee was a bad idea!
130
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:57,030
But, the children won and they were
happy to meet the other children!
131
00:07:57,040 --> 00:08:01,360
Yes, but now, I think we may have opened
a Pandora's Box that we can't close!
132
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:09,260
Okay, children! We have a new student
joining us today from homeschool!
133
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:14,080
Now, his parents are very worried about his
safety, so please don't be too cruel to him!
134
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,120
Hey, guys! What's up?!
135
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,280
Dude! What's wrong with you?! You
have some kinda John Travolta disease?!
136
00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:24,347
Alright, children! Let's just try to
pretend there isn't a little boy in a huge
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00:08:24,348 --> 00:08:27,048
plastic hamster ball here
and go on with our studies!
138
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:30,360
Now, who can tell me when Columbus
sailed the seas and discovered America?!
139
00:08:31,661 --> 00:08:32,561
Yes, Mark!
140
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:33,923
Hey, how come you never pick me?
141
00:08:33,924 --> 00:08:36,724
Because you never know the right
answer, butt-for-brains! Yes, Mark!
142
00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:38,413
The answer is 1492!
143
00:08:38,414 --> 00:08:40,114
However, the Americas had already
been discovered by many before him,
144
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:41,769
including the Vikings and
the Native Americans!
145
00:08:41,770 --> 00:08:43,770
And therefore, your
questions is a sharad!
146
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,400
Aw, see?! That's
what I was gonna say!
147
00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:47,157
Well, very impressive, Mark!
148
00:08:47,158 --> 00:08:51,158
You should be able to throw the grading
curve and flunk all these little bastards!
149
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,400
Oh, God! This kid's not gonna last about
five seconds out on the playground!
150
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:57,060
Now, who can tell me what
country Columbus was from?!
151
00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,720
- Put your hand down,
cream-puff! - That does it!
152
00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:06,000
I do not need to sit here and be ridiculed!
I'm gonna go be homeschooled from now on!
153
00:09:06,060 --> 00:09:07,440
You don't wanna be
homeschooled, fatass!
154
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:09,222
I'm gonna be homeschooled
and leave all the pain
155
00:09:09,223 --> 00:09:10,823
and suffering of public
school behind me!
156
00:09:10,980 --> 00:09:14,020
Screw you guys! I'm
gonna be homeschooled!
157
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,100
Oh please, God! Let it be forever!
158
00:09:24,180 --> 00:09:27,540
C'mon, Pip! Say it! Say "Please hit me!"
- But, if I say that, you'll hit me!
159
00:09:27,740 --> 00:09:30,860
No! I'm gonna hit you if you don't say it!
If you say "Please hit me!", I won't hit you!
160
00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:32,840
- Please hit me!
- Alright!
161
00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:34,340
Alright! Let's try this again, Pip!
162
00:09:34,380 --> 00:09:37,220
I don't understand! You seem to like that
boy, yet hate him at the same time!
163
00:09:37,380 --> 00:09:40,270
Hey, kid! Get out of that hamster ball!
- Oh, I promised my father I wouldn't!
164
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,220
Oh, boy! Sorry, dude!
You're on your own!
165
00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:46,590
You best do what he says, homeschool kid!
Why, this is our part of the playground! See?
166
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,420
And if you don't follow our rules, well
we're gonna duct tape ya to the bench!
167
00:09:49,540 --> 00:09:52,810
You mean you would actually duct tape my
entire body to a bench?! For what purpose?!
168
00:09:52,820 --> 00:09:55,300
Just get out of the hamster ball
or else you're gonna find out!
169
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:04,100
Have a nice second
half of the day, nerdo!
170
00:10:04,260 --> 00:10:07,700
Yeah! Why, why you shouldn't be
such a smart 'n' all Mr. Know-it-all!
171
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,180
Oh, dear!
172
00:10:12,180 --> 00:10:15,940
Oh, where could he be?! He should've
been home from public school by now!
173
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:18,660
- I'm sure he's alright!
- That must be him!
174
00:10:22,420 --> 00:10:23,820
Oh, my God, son!
175
00:10:23,980 --> 00:10:24,820
Hi, mom! Hi, dad!
176
00:10:24,980 --> 00:10:28,140
- Mark, what've they done to you?!
- Well, they duct taped me to a bench!
177
00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:31,140
- But, why?! - I don't know, mother!
It didn't make any sense at all!
178
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:34,060
Well, you see?! This is what
happens at public schools!
179
00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:36,300
- But I want to go back
tomorrow, papa! - What?!
180
00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:38,540
- Please! Just give me one more
day! - What do we do?!
181
00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:40,068
Well, if we're gonna
let him go back,
182
00:10:40,069 --> 00:10:43,569
it looks like I need to have a little
talk with those other boys' fathers!
183
00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:49,340
Everywhere I go,
I'm thinking of you! Rebecca!
184
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:52,180
I don't know what
to do! Rebecca!
185
00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:56,480
You're so nice, I'd like
to get to know you better!
186
00:10:56,560 --> 00:11:01,600
So wha'd'you say we get together?!
You really are quite good lookin'! Rebecca!
187
00:11:01,621 --> 00:11:05,021
You really are quite
good lookin'! Rebecca!
188
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:11,040
Rebecca! You're really quite
good lookin'! You're a fox!
189
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:33,200
Good evening, gentlemen! If I could
have your attention for a few moments,
190
00:11:33,420 --> 00:11:36,260
my son Mark was beat-up in
school today by your sons.
191
00:11:36,420 --> 00:11:38,686
I think it would be appropriate
for you to talk with your sons
192
00:11:38,687 --> 00:11:42,087
and instruct them to no longer
tease or bother my boy!
193
00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:44,940
- Uh look, mister...
- Coxwalds!
194
00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:48,685
Mr. Coxwalds, we can't completely
control what our kids do socially!
195
00:11:48,686 --> 00:11:50,886
That's... You know... That's for
them to figure out on their own!
196
00:11:50,980 --> 00:11:53,500
Well, obviously, they need
to be coached a little better!
197
00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:56,945
And furthermore, your son has
been harassing my little girl!
198
00:11:56,946 --> 00:11:58,246
I would like you
to tell him to stop!
199
00:11:58,330 --> 00:12:01,651
Hey! My son is just discovering love!
Maybe your daughter is too!
200
00:12:01,652 --> 00:12:03,252
They, they need to
know about that stuff!
201
00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:07,100
Oh, hello! My girl is 8 years old! What
does she need to know about love?!
202
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,954
Well, something! I mean, you can't
just wait until she's a teenager
203
00:12:09,955 --> 00:12:12,055
and expect her to figure
out everything all at once!
204
00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:16,020
I will not tell you how to raise your children
and you will not tell me how to raise mine!
205
00:12:16,180 --> 00:12:18,100
Uh, you want a beer
or somethin', Cats-Wild?!
206
00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:20,580
No! I don't drink beer!
I just like wine coolers!
207
00:12:20,780 --> 00:12:21,940
You what?!
208
00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:26,380
- See ya, Coxwalds! Thanks
for stoppin' by! - Yeah! See ya!
209
00:12:30,740 --> 00:12:33,260
Can't even get her to understand!
It's like she's from another planet!
210
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,780
- Could I sit here with you?!
- Oh, man! If you have to!
211
00:12:35,940 --> 00:12:38,597
Attention, students! Don't
forget that this friday night
212
00:12:38,598 --> 00:12:41,398
is the South Park Elementary
Bay of Pigs Memorial Dance!
213
00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:44,500
We will have a very speacial band
performing, so please come early!
214
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:47,580
Hey! That's it! The dance! I can
ask Rebecca to go to the dance!
215
00:12:47,780 --> 00:12:50,180
Dude, what happened to you!
You're a total wus now!
216
00:12:50,181 --> 00:12:52,181
Yeah! A fuckin' wussy!
217
00:12:52,260 --> 00:12:54,780
Why do you call Kyle names and laugh
at him?! Is he not your friend?!
218
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,100
Yeah, dude! But guys just do that!
We rip on each other and stuff!
219
00:12:57,260 --> 00:12:59,526
I see! It's like you have to
mark your territory as a boy!
220
00:12:59,527 --> 00:13:01,007
You have to socially
find your place!
221
00:13:01,021 --> 00:13:01,779
What?!
222
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:03,140
Enjoying your lunch, nerdo?!
223
00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:06,420
Stick and stones may break my bones,
but words will never harm me!
224
00:13:06,540 --> 00:13:07,900
Aw, dude! You don't say that!
225
00:13:08,340 --> 00:13:09,340
Get him!
226
00:13:12,820 --> 00:13:14,900
Boy! That kid's havin' a hard
time adjusting to public school!
227
00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:16,820
Yeah! I wonder how Cartman's
doing with his homeschooling!
228
00:13:28,980 --> 00:13:30,900
Hon, are you ready
for some math problems?!
229
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:34,060
Oh, not right this second, mother!
Put them there by the door.
230
00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:34,920
Oh, alright!
231
00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:36,300
- Mom!
- Yes, hon!
232
00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:39,500
- Could you turn up the heat
just a little? - Sure, hon!
233
00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:44,060
Oh! Dude! Homeschooling rules!
234
00:13:50,619 --> 00:13:51,619
Oh, hello!
235
00:13:51,620 --> 00:13:56,100
Oh! Uh, Rebecca! There's this dance!
See?! At the school! And, um...
236
00:13:56,260 --> 00:13:57,740
Hey, would you like to
come up to my room?!
237
00:13:58,500 --> 00:13:59,980
Hey, would you like to
come up to my room?!
238
00:14:00,281 --> 00:14:01,281
Uh, okay!
239
00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:05,540
I'm sorry, son! There's nothing
we can do to stop those bullies!
240
00:14:05,740 --> 00:14:07,860
We have to pull you
out of public school!
241
00:14:08,020 --> 00:14:10,700
Oh, papa! Can I at least
go to the dance tomorrow?!
242
00:14:10,740 --> 00:14:14,340
- Well, alright! You can go, but I'll
be there to supervise! - Alright!
243
00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:18,100
Mark, where's your sister?! - She's
upstairs playing doctor with that Kyle boy!
244
00:14:18,180 --> 00:14:19,920
Oh, alright! WHAT?!
245
00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:23,220
Rebecca! Don't play
these perverted games!
246
00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:29,541
I have to extrapate a lesion
in his sereberal cortex
247
00:14:29,542 --> 00:14:32,142
or risk it in section to
the synaptic responses!
248
00:14:32,260 --> 00:14:36,700
Uh, alright, Rebecca! But, it's
time to start your homeschooling!
249
00:14:38,220 --> 00:14:42,100
Rebecca, there's this dance, see! The South
Park Elementary Bay of Pigs Memorial Dance!
250
00:14:42,260 --> 00:14:44,780
And, uh, I was wondering,
if you wanna go?!
251
00:14:44,940 --> 00:14:46,780
Alright! I guess I'll go!
252
00:14:46,940 --> 00:14:49,540
- You will?! - I guess! Are you
gonna go?! Maybe I'll see you there!
253
00:14:49,550 --> 00:14:53,380
No, no! I mean... go with me! - Oh,
I'm sure father will give me a ride!
254
00:15:05,060 --> 00:15:08,300
Eric, I got you a new history text book!
Why don't you come downstairs!
255
00:15:09,260 --> 00:15:11,060
Not right now, mom!
256
00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:14,260
Eric, please! We have to
do some studying today!
257
00:15:14,420 --> 00:15:16,780
I am studying, mom! I'm
learning with the fonics monkey!
258
00:15:22,260 --> 00:15:25,820
- Hey, fatass, how's homeschooling
going?! - Oh, it's so sweet, y'guys!
259
00:15:25,980 --> 00:15:28,600
Well, get your ass out of bed! We have
to go deal with that homeschool kid!
260
00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:30,900
I can't! I'm too tired!
Maybe tomorrow!
261
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:36,700
But, the big dance is tomorrow and all the
guys are gonna duct tape him to a flagpole!
262
00:15:36,860 --> 00:15:38,860
That sounds cool!
Maybe I'll go to that!
263
00:15:42,420 --> 00:15:43,980
No, Fonics Monkey!
264
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:48,820
No, Fonics Monkey!
That's a bad Fonics Monkey!
265
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:56,380
Oh, my God! Fonics
Monkey killed Kenny!
266
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:57,580
You're damned straight, he did!
267
00:15:59,420 --> 00:16:02,580
You got my note?! - Of course! You taped
it to my dog! How could I not see it?!
268
00:16:02,780 --> 00:16:04,900
- Uh, can we sit down?!
- Why not!?
269
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:10,060
Isn't papa's garden beautiful?!
He works so hard on it!
270
00:16:10,540 --> 00:16:14,620
Rebecca, don't you ever look at the town?
At that flicker of light over there?!
271
00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:16,100
I have looked at it!
272
00:16:16,260 --> 00:16:20,940
Well, that's a public school! And in it,
there are children just like us!
273
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,620
How can children go to
school on a flicker of light?!
274
00:16:23,820 --> 00:16:26,620
From public school, your house
is just a flicker of light!
275
00:16:27,180 --> 00:16:30,380
Don't you want to go out?! All you
do is stay in your house and study!
276
00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:33,060
- What else would one do?!
- Love, for one thing!
277
00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:34,220
And, what is love?!
278
00:16:34,380 --> 00:16:37,340
Love is the most
important thing on earth!
279
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:40,320
When boys and girls
feel love, they kiss!
280
00:16:40,340 --> 00:16:41,620
What means kiss?!
281
00:16:41,820 --> 00:16:45,500
When a man and a woman feel love,
they put there lips together!
282
00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:47,130
Oh, you mean a mate?!
283
00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:50,031
When it is time to increase the heard
my provider will select one for me!
284
00:16:50,180 --> 00:16:53,500
Rebecca, in public school,
we select our own mate!
285
00:16:53,620 --> 00:16:57,500
In public school, men and women get
together! Make each other happy!
286
00:16:58,180 --> 00:17:03,980
You certainly come from a silly place!
Still, I should like to try this kiss!
287
00:17:05,380 --> 00:17:06,500
So I could write about it!
288
00:17:07,580 --> 00:17:09,340
- How do we do it?!
- I'm not completely sure!
289
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,020
Should we look it up?!
290
00:17:11,180 --> 00:17:15,580
No, I think it's just something you have
to try a few times until you get it right!
291
00:17:20,220 --> 00:17:21,820
Wow! Wow! That was fun!
292
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:25,500
Does that mean you'll go to the dance?
- You bet your sweet ass I will!
293
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:29,890
Alright! Here's the plan! Tomorrow night
at the dance, when none of the
294
00:17:29,891 --> 00:17:31,291
chaparones are looking,
you guys go grab Mark,
295
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:34,420
bring him out here, and then, we're
gonna duct tape him to this flagpole!
296
00:17:34,540 --> 00:17:36,580
Are you sure?! He could be out
here all night on the flagpole!
297
00:17:36,780 --> 00:17:39,260
- That's the point, butt-pipe!
- Don't call me a butt-pipe, butt-pipe!
298
00:17:39,420 --> 00:17:43,300
- Well, c'mon! We gotta go buy us
some more duct tape! - Hooray!
299
00:17:45,620 --> 00:17:49,220
Alright! Here's the plan! All we gotta do is
volunteer to chaparone the dance tomorrow!
300
00:17:49,380 --> 00:17:51,380
Why do we wanna all
chaparone the dance?!
301
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:54,706
Because, Coxwalds is gonna be
there! And when he shows up,
302
00:17:54,710 --> 00:17:58,600
we all grab him, bring him out here,
and duct tape him to the flagpole!
303
00:17:58,820 --> 00:18:00,260
The flagpole! That's great!
304
00:18:00,420 --> 00:18:03,060
- C'mon! We gotta buy
more duct tape! - Alright!
305
00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:15,210
Dude, we're gonna go duct tape that Mark
kid to the bleachers! You wanna help?!
306
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:17,680
I can't! I have to wait for Rebecca
to show up! - Oh, brother!
307
00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:20,320
Don't you "Oh, brother!" me!
She's the woman of my dreams!
308
00:18:20,340 --> 00:18:22,020
- You suck now, Kyle!
- You suck!
309
00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:24,140
Boys and girls, can I
have your attention please!
310
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:26,551
This year, we have a very
special guest performing
311
00:18:26,552 --> 00:18:28,952
the South Park Elementary
Bay of Pigs Memorial Dance!
312
00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:34,460
He was a musical force in the 70's and
80's! Please welcome Ronnie James Dio!
313
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,580
Are you ready rock,
boys and girls?!
314
00:18:41,260 --> 00:18:43,140
I said are you ready to rock?!
315
00:18:43,300 --> 00:18:45,100
Uh, uh! Sure! Uh, I guess!
316
00:18:45,260 --> 00:18:46,980
Then let's hit it!
317
00:18:48,380 --> 00:18:52,200
I know you all remember this one!
It's off my first solo album.
318
00:18:52,220 --> 00:18:55,460
The song that you all
helped make number one!
319
00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:04,140
Hey! There he is!
There's the homeschool kid!
320
00:19:05,980 --> 00:19:08,100
C'mon! Let's go duct
tape him to the flagpole!
321
00:19:08,260 --> 00:19:10,300
Hey! Isn't that the
homeschool kid's sister?!
322
00:19:10,460 --> 00:19:11,480
Hi, guys!
323
00:19:14,340 --> 00:19:15,340
Wholy cow!
324
00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:20,520
Hey, baby! Come come see me later!
'kay!? - What the...?! Damn, baby!
325
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:24,860
Hey, Kyle! Wanna go make out?!
- Rebecca! You...
326
00:19:25,020 --> 00:19:27,740
- Rebecca! What the devil are
you doing?! - I'm having fun, Mark!
327
00:19:28,619 --> 00:19:31,800
- Oh, goodness! - You're out of
control! You did this to my sister!
328
00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:33,500
Uh, all I did was
show her how to...
329
00:19:33,700 --> 00:19:36,000
You made my sister into
a slut! I'll kill you!
330
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,780
You bitch! I'm gonna
whoop your bitch ass!
331
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:45,980
Oh, my God!
332
00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:49,180
- Dude, he's kicking the crap out
of Kyle! - Yeah! He's a badass!
333
00:19:49,340 --> 00:19:51,500
Alright! Alright!
That's enough, boys!
334
00:19:51,740 --> 00:19:54,580
- I'm not through with you, bitch!
- Hey, your pretty cool, Mark!
335
00:19:54,620 --> 00:19:57,299
Yeah! That, that was real badass
that you stood up for your sister!
336
00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:59,300
I'd've kicked
Kyle's bitch ass too!
337
00:19:59,340 --> 00:20:01,920
- You wanna go have some cake
with me, Mark?! - No! He's my friend!
338
00:20:01,921 --> 00:20:03,740
He, he said he'd
hang out with me!
339
00:20:05,820 --> 00:20:07,420
...got to be here somewhere!
340
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:11,300
Hey! There's Coxwalds! C'mon!
Let's duct tape him to the flagpole!
341
00:20:15,540 --> 00:20:19,260
Where're my children?! I'm taking
them out of this God forsaken place!
342
00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:21,240
Calm down, papa!
343
00:20:21,780 --> 00:20:22,840
Everything is alright!
344
00:20:23,860 --> 00:20:25,260
You see, I've learned something today!
345
00:20:25,420 --> 00:20:27,345
Public schools may be a
bit lacking in education,
346
00:20:27,346 --> 00:20:29,846
but it's the main place where
children learn all of their social skills!
347
00:20:29,980 --> 00:20:32,740
You can't teach a child social skills!
They have to learn them themselves!
348
00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:35,780
And the only place to do that is on the
playground, in the cafeteria, and so on!
349
00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:38,968
Don't you see, papa?! That's what
happened to your daughter!
350
00:20:38,969 --> 00:20:40,889
You tried so hard to keep
her from anything sexual,
351
00:20:40,890 --> 00:20:43,890
and now look at her!
She's a goddam whore, papa!
352
00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:45,020
Well, she sure is!
353
00:20:45,180 --> 00:20:47,120
I know letting your kids
out into the world is scary!
354
00:20:47,140 --> 00:20:50,200
I know you wish nothing bad would ever
happen to us! But bad things will happen,
355
00:20:50,201 --> 00:20:52,740
and we have to start learning now
how to deal with those things!
356
00:20:56,180 --> 00:20:59,060
Mark, you're absolutely right!
357
00:21:00,140 --> 00:21:04,100
Okay, children! If it's what you want,
you can start going to public school!
358
00:21:07,380 --> 00:21:09,060
- Nice speech, nerdo!
- Thanks, gaywad!
359
00:21:09,220 --> 00:21:10,420
Now you're gettin' it!
360
00:21:10,540 --> 00:21:11,752
Well, c'mon, guys!
361
00:21:11,753 --> 00:21:15,853
If I'm not mistaken, we still have
someone to duct tape to the flagpole!
362
00:21:15,980 --> 00:21:16,980
What?!
363
00:21:18,620 --> 00:21:19,420
See ya, papa!
364
00:21:19,540 --> 00:21:22,520
Well, I'm glad we all
learned something today, kids!
365
00:21:22,540 --> 00:21:24,000
Now let's dance!
30719
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