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Okay, Children! Lets take our seats. We
have something very important to discuss.
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00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,320
Due to recent events
around the country,
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00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:46,640
I've been instructed to teach you all
about sexual harrassment in school.
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00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:50,800
- About what? - Now, does anybody
know what sexual harassment means?
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00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:54,680
- Eric! - When you're trying to
have intercourse with a lady friend,
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00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:58,120
and some other guy comes up
and tickles your balls from behind.
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00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,240
No, Eric! That's not
what I'm talking about!
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00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,098
The school board has
sent over a special guest
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00:01:04,099 --> 00:01:07,399
to teach us about
sexual harassment in school.
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00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:10,760
Please welcome Pettie,
the Sexual Harrassment Panda!
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00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:14,000
Who lives in the
east behind a tree?
12
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,920
Sexual Harrassment Panda!
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00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:20,100
Who'll explain sexual
harrassment to you and Me?
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00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,000
Sexual Harrassment Panda!
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00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:25,880
"Don't say that!",
"Don't touch that!"
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00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,840
"Don't be nasty!",
says the silly bear.
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00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,520
He's gonna tell you
what's right and wrong.
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00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,800
Harrassment Panda!
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00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:36,640
Hi, boys and girls!
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00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:40,240
Say hi to Sexual
Harrassment Panda!
21
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,400
Hi Sexual Harrassment Panda!
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00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:48,880
Did you know that when one little panda
pulls on another little panda's underwear,
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00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,200
that's sexual harrassment?
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00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:57,360
- That makes me a saaad panda.
- This is freaking me out, Dude!
25
00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:01,840
And when one little panda puts his
furry little willy in another panda's ear,
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00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,320
that makes me a very saad panda.
27
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,160
I'm going to pass
out these booklets,
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00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:13,080
and we are going through each
and every sexual harrassment law.
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Article 36, Section 19.
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One panda may not make sexual comments
about another panda's appearance.
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- If said pan...
- Aw, Dude! Get me out of here!
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00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,780
- I think Sexual Harrassment Panda is cool!
- You would think that, you little ass sucker!
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00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,150
- What did you call me? - An ass
sucker! It means you suck ass!
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00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,760
You see an ass, you suck it!
You're an ass sucker!
35
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:38,540
That does it! I am suing you
for sexual harrassment!
36
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,560
You have sexually
harrassed me for the last time!
37
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,680
It says right here that now I can
sue you and take all of your money!
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00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:49,000
- That's right! He can! - No,
you can't, you little ass sucker!
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00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,100
Oo! He did it again!
You all heard him!
40
00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:55,360
The first party of the first panda
may sue the second party panda
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00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:59,800
unless that panda was said
panda unformentioned panda.
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00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,240
This is Cartman versus
Marsh Case Number 3433.
43
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:06,600
What is your
complaint, Mr. Cartman?
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00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:09,900
Your honor, my lawyer's just parking
the car; he should be here any second.
45
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:12,080
- Dude! You got a lawyer?!
- Sorry I'm late!
46
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:13,800
- Dad?!
- Oh! Hi, Kyle!
47
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,080
Alright! Let's move this along!
Shall we? Now, Eric Cartman,
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00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,920
you claim that Stan Marsh has
sexually harrassed you in school.
49
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,760
- That is correct, my honor.
- Oh, Whatever!
50
00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:24,320
He talked about having
oral sex with my ass.
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00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,520
- I called you an ass sucker!
- Yes! That was it!
52
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,840
I was so upset! I couldn't
concentrate the rest of the day!
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00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,200
And the way his eyes kept looking at
me slowly going up and down my body
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00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,190
like he was
undressing me with his eyes!
55
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,440
What?! Cartman you call
people names all the time!
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00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:40,320
As you can see, your honor,
my client is too upset to continue.
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00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,720
- Mr. Marsh, what do you have
to say? - What do you mean?
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00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:47,320
- I need to hear your defence.
- Uh, I'm eight?
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00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,070
Alright, this seems
pretty open and shut.
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00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,678
Stan Marsh, under the new
sexual harrassment in schools law,
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00:03:51,679 --> 00:03:53,379
I am forced to
find you guilty!
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00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,080
Alright!! We did it!
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00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:58,480
Since the defendant is underaged
and has no monetary resources,
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00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:01,891
it is the judgement of this court
that 50% of Stan Marsh's belongings
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00:04:01,892 --> 00:04:03,892
are to be handed over to
Eric Cartman immediately.
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00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,360
- I have to give him half
my stuff?! - Sweet!
67
00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:13,600
Let's see! I want that Climb Crimany
game, and that Power Jim doll,
68
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,089
Do you really like this
remote control truck?
69
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,490
Yeah, Dude!
That's my favorite toy!
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00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,880
Ah, well! I'll just take that!
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00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:26,000
- And what about this? Is this one of
your favorites? - Uh, no! I hate that toy!
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00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,400
Well! Then you
won't mind if I take it.
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00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,860
- Dammit!
- Hey, now! As your legal fee,
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00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:33,880
you can choose between the green
choo-choo or the squishy football.
75
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:38,720
You know, Eric,
I've been thinking...
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00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:40,990
That model airplain, kid!
Go on!
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You know, The people really responsible
for your harrassment is the public schools!
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00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,400
Perhaps we should sue them next.
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00:04:46,435 --> 00:04:49,540
Why should I sue the school?
- Well, because they're the ones
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00:04:49,541 --> 00:04:52,480
who let this harrassment go on
and they have a lot more money.
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00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:55,560
I think we can get a lot more out
of this than half of Stan's belongings.
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00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,000
Interesting!
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00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:00,000
Stans ashma inhailer,
I want that!
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00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,720
Answer the question!
85
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,760
Did you know that sexual harrassment
was going on in the classroom?
86
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,520
No! I had no friggin idea!
87
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,720
Mr. Garrison, do you know the
definition of sexual harrassment?
88
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:13,960
Of course! And so does Mr. Hat! We
do not tollerate sexual harrassment!
89
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,440
You are the witness here,
Mr. Garrison, not Mr. Hat.
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00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:17,680
Oh! I'm sorry, toots!
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00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:20,880
Did you or did you not hear my
client being called an ass sucker?
92
00:05:20,915 --> 00:05:21,645
Yes!
93
00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,440
- And you did nothing?
- Well, he IS a little ass sucker!
94
00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:28,120
Mr. Garrison, I will remind
you that we are in court!
95
00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:29,720
Okay, baby! I'm sorry!
96
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,990
Principal Victoria, were you aware that my
client was being harrassed at your school?
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00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,085
Well, not any more
than any other student.
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00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,020
- Oh! So you admit that
harrassment goes on! - I don't know!
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00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,920
You don't Know?!
You're the principal!
100
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,750
- I can't be around every second!
- So, it DOES go on!
101
00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:46,760
Alright! Alright! I killed him!
102
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:49,160
I hit him over the head
and I cut up the body!
103
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,200
I tried to burn him,
but it wouldn't burn!
104
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,080
Oh, the smell of it!
105
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:56,206
I put the legs in garbage bags and
I hid the torso under a bridge!
106
00:05:56,207 --> 00:05:58,507
I had to do it!
107
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:01,280
God!
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00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:05,040
Principal Victoria, was Eric Cartman
called an ass sucker? Yes or no?
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00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:09,200
- I believe so! Yes!
- That's sexual harrassment.
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00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:14,440
Last, I'd like to bring up my expert
witness, Sexual Harrassment Panda!
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00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:24,160
Expert witness, did South Park Elementary
allow sexual harrassment to go on?
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00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:28,727
Well, when one little panda asks
another little panda to perform oral sex,
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00:06:28,728 --> 00:06:31,839
that IS sexual harrassment.
- And who's to blame?
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00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:35,440
I'm afraid the law states that
the school should be held responsible.
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00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,040
There you have it!
Straight from the horse's mouth!
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- Panda.
- Pan..Panda's mouth!
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00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:44,211
After careful review it is the judgement
of this court that South Park
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Elementary pays Eric Theodore Cartman
1.3 million dollars in damages.
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00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:50,240
- Alright! We did it, Eric!
- Get down!
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00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,920
Get down!
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That goes in the master bedroom.
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00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:01,000
- Well, Kyle, what do you think
of your new house? - It's big!
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00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:03,840
Yes! It IS big,
isn't it! It is very big!
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00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,721
Dad, if the school has to pay you
and Cartman 1.3 million dollars,
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00:07:06,722 --> 00:07:07,822
where does that
money come from?
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00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,270
Well, Kyle, schools
have lots of money.
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00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:13,520
You see, we all pay taxes, and part of
that tax money goes to public schools.
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00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:16,720
And its from that money
that we got our 1.3 million.
129
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,200
And you don't see
a problem with that?
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00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,880
No! It's a very fragile system
that nature has designed!
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00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:24,880
All things flow into each other!
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00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,720
- You're trying to confuse me
now, aren't you! - Sort of! Yeah!
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00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,670
Okay, children! There's a few
changes being made here at school,
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00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,920
but lessons will go on as
normal. Any question?
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00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,440
- Yes, Stan?
- Where's our desks?
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00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,859
Right! Desks! Well, a lot
of cuts have been made
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00:07:43,860 --> 00:07:46,360
since the school's
funding is short for lawsuits.
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00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:48,160
You see, Cartman?!
You see what this is done?!
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00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:51,350
All I know is I got this sweet
digital watch and these cool shoes.
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00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,640
I'm telling you guys!
Suing people kicks ass!
141
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:57,120
- Wow! I wanna sue somebody!
- Me too! I wanna get a lawyer!
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00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:00,480
Well, let's just try to cope with
the changes and do our school work.
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00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:05,040
Now, I'm going to write a sentence on the
board and I want you to tell me the noun.
144
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:12,150
I know! I know! I'm sorry, children.
But we can't afford chalk anymore.
145
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:15,240
I have to write on the
chalkboard with this rusty nail.
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00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:18,720
Anyway, children,
in sentence "The ball is red."...
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00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,600
Kids, are you tired of
being harrassed at school?
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00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,520
Sick of being called
a homo? A farty pants?
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00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,600
A butt... face?
150
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,350
Then call me! Kyle's Dad!
151
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:34,200
And I'll help you close the lid
on sexual harrassment in school!
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00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,675
After a boy in my class tried
to put his tongue in my mouth,
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00:08:36,676 --> 00:08:40,857
I knew I needed legal help. Kyle's
dad helped me get a 1.6 million dollar
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00:08:40,858 --> 00:08:44,520
settlement and this bright new
shiny bicyle. Thank you, Kyle's Dad!
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00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:50,280
Kyle's Dad got me 1.4 million,
and he can do it for you too!
156
00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:52,760
Just look at all
these beautiful girls!
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00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:54,280
So, call me, Kyle's Dad,
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00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:57,460
because it's not
about money. It's about...
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00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,480
Wait! What am
I saying? Call me!
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00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:04,280
Kids picking on you? Well, don't be sad!
Just sue their asses with Kyle's Dad!
161
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,390
Alright! What other cuts do we
have to make to the school budget?
162
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:10,880
Uh, next, we have Tom Morris.
163
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,910
He plays sexual harrassment
panda at the schools.
164
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,190
Oh, right! We certainly
can't afford him anymore!
165
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,920
I warn you, Mr. Evans, Tom
Morris takes his job a little seriously.
166
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,640
Hello, sexual harrassment cubs!
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00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,800
- Uh, have a seat, Mr. Morris.
- Who?
168
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,320
Uh, Sexual Harrassment Panda.
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00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,080
Oh! Alright!
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00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,440
Mr. Morris, we at the school
board have been thinking,
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00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:42,612
and we've decided
that perhaps a panda
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00:09:42,613 --> 00:09:46,613
isn't the first way to explain
sexual harrassment to children.
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00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:52,176
You see, Mr. Morris, we
believe that a panda doesn't
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00:09:52,177 --> 00:09:55,577
really have anything to do
with sexual harrassment.
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00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:57,720
At all!
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00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,800
I'm afraid we're just
going to have to let you go.
177
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:05,000
I'm a saaaaad panda!
178
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,715
Eric Cartman, it is the
judgement of this court
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00:10:08,716 --> 00:10:11,116
that you sexually
harrassed Pip Phillip at school.
180
00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,110
- No way!
- I won!
181
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:14,340
This is ridiculous!
182
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,030
You asked Pip to suck
your... you know what!
183
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:20,960
You must give Pip half your stuff and the
school must give Pip 1.6 million dollars.
184
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:21,880
Oh, dear God!
185
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,680
- Wow, I'm good!
- Next!
186
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:25,760
This girl touched my theigh!
187
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:28,640
Half her belongings,
school is sued for 2.1 million.
188
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,240
- We're ruined!
- Next!
189
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:35,000
Uh, your honor, this young man
commented on the shape of my ass.
190
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,780
Half his stuff!
2 million from the school!
191
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:44,000
Okay, children, let's all take our
seats. We have a lot to learn today.
192
00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:51,720
Uh, Clyde, can you tell me when
Ulysses S. Grant was president?
193
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:53,550
Don't answer that!
194
00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:55,880
Uh, Craig, how 'bout you?
195
00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:01,600
Okay! I refuse to answer on the
grounds that it may inciderate me.
196
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:02,990
Incrimidate!
197
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:06,468
Okay, children, I'm having a real
problem with you all having lawyers.
198
00:11:06,469 --> 00:11:09,469
It is really disrupting class time.
199
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:12,680
Okay! Right!
200
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,680
Kids what I meant to say is that I
fully condone you all having lawyers
201
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,360
and support your legal
recourses in every way.
202
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,640
Now, let's get back to Ulysses
S. Grant if that's okay with you.
203
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,760
Let's trade sandwiches.
204
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:27,280
- Hello there, children!
- Hey, Chef!
205
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:28,880
- How's it going?
- Bad!
206
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:32,720
Well, there about to get worse! All I can
serve you for lunch is lumpy potatoes!
207
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,600
Lumpy Potatoes! Oh, no!
208
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:38,160
Sorry, children!
All my funding's been cut.
209
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,760
Oh, my God! You guys
have to do something!
210
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,440
Chef, how can we stop all
these sexual assment lawsuits?
211
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,680
I don't know, children. Why don't you
ask your dad? He's a lawyer, ain't he?
212
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,205
I tried talking to him, but he
doesn't want the lawsuits to stop!
213
00:11:49,206 --> 00:11:50,206
He's making too much money!
214
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:53,640
Well, somebody else has got to know all
about this sexual harrassment husafudge.
215
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,340
Hey! What about
that stupid panda?
216
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:56,754
Yeah! Sexual Harrassment Panda!
217
00:11:56,755 --> 00:11:58,555
He's the one that started
all this! We have to find him!
218
00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:02,920
Well, I hope you do! Otherwise,
it's lumpy potatoes from here on out!
219
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,650
That's 32 more sexual harrassment
lawsuits in the past 24 hours.
220
00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:11,520
Oh, my God! - Looks like we'll have to cut
all of counciling and nutrition programs.
221
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:14,400
The children have started suing
adults! They could sue us next!
222
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:15,720
Holy smokes! You're right!
223
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:18,480
Scues me! We'd like to speak with
sexual harrassment panda, please.
224
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,200
Oh! Please! Don't sue us!
225
00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:24,400
- We'll give you anything you want!
- We want sexual harrassment panda!
226
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:27,240
Oh, no! Uh!
We had to let him go!
227
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,720
- Uh! I mean, he left!
- Well, where is he?
228
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,840
We don't know! Honestly!
I swear it! Please! Let us go!
229
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,160
What the hell is
wrong with these people?
230
00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:39,680
Well, your credentials are very impressive,
and you do seem to have a lot of ambition,
231
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:42,880
but I'm afraid there's no room for
you at our company at this time.
232
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:49,186
It's because I'm a panda! Isn't it!?
- Well it isn't because you're a panda.
233
00:12:49,187 --> 00:12:51,840
It's because you're a
sexual harrassment panda.
234
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,160
I can't help what I am!
235
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:57,520
Have you ever heard of a retreat
called the Island of Misfit Mascots?
236
00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:02,960
Well, yes! But, that place is for
looser mascots that make no sence!
237
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,880
Well, uh, uh... yes! They may
be just what you're looking for!
238
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,320
I don't have to sit
here and listen to this!
239
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:11,800
How would you like a big
panda punch in your puss?!
240
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:15,211
As sexual harrassment lawsuits
increase all over the state,
241
00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:17,712
the mother of all
trials is set to begin!
242
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:22,580
The sexual harrassment case of everyone
versus everyone begins tomorrow!
243
00:13:22,615 --> 00:13:24,607
No matter what the outcome,
the public schools are
244
00:13:24,608 --> 00:13:27,308
sure to loose a whopping
30 million dollars!
245
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:30,520
Representing the side of
everyone is Gerald Broflovski!
246
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:33,800
The lawyer from South Park who
plans to make quite a commission!
247
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,960
Representing the side of
everyone else is Gerald Broflovski!
248
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:41,600
So whatever the outcome, things
look very bright for Kyle's Dad!
249
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,072
Personally, I think Kyle's
dad is just a whore
250
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,373
taking advantage of
everyone in town and...
251
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:50,920
This just in! Newscaster Kevin McKarty
is being sued by Kyle's Dad for slander!
252
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,180
The newscaster has yet to
be reached for comment! Wait!
253
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:05,480
Another scotch?
254
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,560
Hey! Panda bear!
255
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:17,080
We don't take kindly
to your types in here!
256
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,280
Now, calm down, Skeeter!
He ain't hurtin nobody!
257
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:24,500
No! I wanna know something
from Mr. Panda Bear here!
258
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:29,620
If you pandas are from
mountainous areas of China and Tibet,
259
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:35,000
how come you eat bamboo which is prone
to grow only in dryer more airid regions?
260
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:38,880
Skeeter, I don't
want no trouble, now!
261
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,640
It's okay! I get it!
262
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,600
There's no room in
the world for pandas!
263
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:49,680
Well, you don't have to worry about me!
I'm off to the Island of Misfit Mascots!
264
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,339
Dammit, Skeeter! How
come everytime a
265
00:14:54,340 --> 00:14:57,340
panda bear come in here,
you gotta go flappin your jaw?
266
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,440
Well, whadya think, Kyle?!
267
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,910
Dad, don't you think our
last new house was big enough?
268
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:06,925
Well, this one is bigger! - Tomorrow's
trial, everyone versus everyone,
269
00:15:06,926 --> 00:15:09,040
is gonna make things a lot
worse! We have to stop it!
270
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,600
- Kyle, let me explain something
to you! - Oh, God! Here we go!
271
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,520
You see, Kyle, we live in
a liberal democratic society.
272
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:17,106
And Democrats make
sexual harrassment laws.
273
00:15:17,107 --> 00:15:19,807
These laws tell us what we can
and can't say in the workplace
274
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,090
and what we can and
can't do in the workplace.
275
00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:25,230
- Isn't that fascism? - No!
Because we don't call it fascism.
276
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,720
- Do you understand?
- Do you?
277
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,520
Just look at how big this
house is, Kyle. Just Look at it!
278
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,760
- Scues me! - Yeah,
what can I do for you?
279
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:35,520
Somebody told us they
saw a big panda bear in here.
280
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:37,160
Panda Bear! Panda Bear! Hmm?
281
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:40,400
Hey! Eight year old!
282
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,680
We don't take kindly
to your types in here!
283
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,080
Now, calm down, skeeter!
He ain't hurtin nobody!
284
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:51,440
No! I wanna know something from
Mr. I'm-eight-years-old here!
285
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:57,600
How come you types are always wearing
them funny padded shirts in the winter?
286
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:00,400
Coats?
287
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,160
Now, skeeter,
I don't want no trouble!
288
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,990
We don't take kindly to
your types around here!
289
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,240
What the hell is going on?
290
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,550
Did you guys see a
big panda in here or not?
291
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:12,480
We don't take kindly to panda bears!
- Well, we don't take kindly to you!
292
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:17,240
Well, we don't take kindly to folks
who don't take kindly around here!
293
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,200
Kids, there WAS a
panda bear in here!
294
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:23,440
He said something about
the Island of Misfit Mascots.
295
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,720
Where's that? - If I'm not mistaken,
it's over near the Jenkins Place.
296
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,720
- C'mon! We better hurry!
- Woah! Look at her!
297
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,240
Hey! Beautiful woman!
298
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,560
We don't take kindly to
your types around here!
299
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,840
Now, Skeeter!
She ain't hurtin nobody!
300
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:44,280
This is case number 47g,
everyone versus everyone.
301
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:49,440
Representing the side of
everyone is Gerald Broflovski.
302
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,300
Thank you, your honor! Ladies
and gentlemen of the jury,
303
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:56,440
everyone has committed a crime here!
And everyone must pay for that crime!
304
00:16:56,600 --> 00:17:00,000
My client, everyone, has been hurt by
this crime and must be compensated!
305
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:04,960
Island of Misfit Mascots Commune.
This must be the place!
306
00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:07,760
- Hello there, boys!
- Woah! Who are you?
307
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:11,000
I'm Willy! The Don't Stare
Directly Into The Sun Worm!
308
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:14,480
Now you boys know not to
stare directly into the sun, right?
309
00:17:14,490 --> 00:17:15,230
Yes!
310
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:17,880
That can burn your
retnas and make you blind!
311
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:20,160
Thanks a lot, dude!
312
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,120
Oink, Oink! Be sure you
run around with scissors,
313
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:26,160
says Oinky the Run
Around With Scissors Pig!
314
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,440
I thought you weren't supposed
to run around with scissors!
315
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,920
That's why he's on the
Island of Misfit Mascots!
316
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:32,440
Have you seen
any panda bears?
317
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:37,175
Hey, kids! I'm Jimmy, the Don't
Hold On To A Large Magnet
318
00:17:37,176 --> 00:17:40,076
While Someone Else
Uses A Fan Nearby Falcon!
319
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,200
- What?!
- Here! Watch!
320
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:51,750
See?!
321
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,160
- Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!
- You bastards!
322
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:55,760
Hey! There he is!
323
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:04,040
- Are we glad to find you! You have to
come back to South Park quick! - Why?
324
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:07,070
Because, everyone is suing everyone else!
And you're pretty much the cause of it all!
325
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,960
Seems all I do
now is cause trouble!
326
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:15,540
Hello, Kids! I'm Happy the Don't Do Stuff
That Might Irritate Your Inner Ear Badger!
327
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:22,040
Well, I'll leave now!
328
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,436
Please, Sexual Harrassment
Panda, people listen to you.
329
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,837
You have to get them
to stop suing each other!
330
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,160
But I'm just a panda!
331
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:30,720
No, you're not, Dude! You're
a guy in a panda costume!
332
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:37,600
- Hey! I'm a real worm, pal!
- Okay! Sorry! Sorry!
333
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:39,760
You...Your a real worm!
Tha...That's cool! That's cool!
334
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,193
Okay! You are a panda! But, being
Sexual Harrassment Panda
335
00:18:42,194 --> 00:18:43,194
isn't helping anyone right now.
336
00:18:43,254 --> 00:18:46,707
You used to use your panda powers to
teach people about sexual harrassment.
337
00:18:46,742 --> 00:18:47,890
But, now you need to
teach a new message.
338
00:18:47,891 --> 00:18:50,491
A new message that
people will find usefull again.
339
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:51,640
What message?
340
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,000
That people shouldn't
sue each other all the time!
341
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:59,247
- You know, you little cubs might
just be right! - Yeah! - Okay!
342
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:04,320
- Your honor, I'd like to make
my closing arguements. - Wait!
343
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,840
Hey! It's Sexual
Harrassment Panda!
344
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:10,160
No! He's a whole new panda now!
And he's got something to say!
345
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:11,480
Hello, everyone!
346
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:14,480
I'm Pettie the Don't
Sue People Panda!
347
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,120
Don't Sue People Panda?
348
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:21,400
Hey! We don't take kindly to folks
that don't sue people around here!
349
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,440
Now, Skeeter,
he ain't hurtin nobody!
350
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:27,360
Listen to me! When you sue
somebody, it hurts everyone!
351
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:30,960
You sue for money, but where do
you think that money comes from?
352
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:35,240
From the schools! From taxes!
From the state! From you!
353
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,965
There's no such
thing as free money!
354
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:43,846
When you sue somebody, you take
money away from parks and schools
355
00:19:43,847 --> 00:19:46,047
and charities and put
it in your own pocket!
356
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,560
And that makes
me a saaad panda!
357
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,960
I'm a sad panda too!
358
00:19:56,520 --> 00:20:00,600
I'm a really sad panda! I didn't know
we were doing all that damage!
359
00:20:00,635 --> 00:20:03,200
This is all that
damn lawyer's fault!
360
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:05,480
Yeah! Let's sue the lawyer!
361
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,100
- Yeah!
- No!
362
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,320
Don't you see?
The panda's right!
363
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,800
Boy, what a great
message he has!
364
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:15,680
When you sue people, you just end up
causing a lot of problems for society!
365
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,880
Well, I've really learned something today!
366
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,390
All I could see were the
millions of dollars coming to me
367
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,480
and I didn't care about
where the money came from!
368
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,860
Well, I'm no longer doing sexual
harrassment lawsuits in schools!
369
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,500
They're too vague and
too easily corruptable!
370
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:29,960
Thank you, Sexual
Harrassment Panda!
371
00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:31,520
Don't Sue People Panda!
372
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:34,710
Yeah, well, whatever!
So, let's not sue anyone again!
373
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:37,360
Okay, come on, guys!
Let's go get some ice cream!
374
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,280
Pandas love ice cream!
375
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:45,160
Well, seeing as we have no lawyers, I'm
throwing the case out! Case dismissed!
376
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:50,000
Hey! We don't take kindly to cases
being dismissed around here!
377
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:51,720
God dammit, Skeeter!
Shut the hell up!
378
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:55,240
Hello, cubs! I'm Don't
Sue People Panda
379
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,840
with an important
message for you!
380
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,160
Lawsuits damage our society!
381
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:02,150
I know it's tempting
to make money,
382
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,880
but just remember, that money
has to come from somewhere!
383
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:09,280
And ususally it ends up hurting
a lot of innocent people!
384
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:15,917
So, until next time, don't let frivilous sexual
harrassment lawsuits ruin our schools!
385
00:21:15,952 --> 00:21:17,760
Goodbye, now!
32243
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