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1
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:37,800
Mom, please can we just leave?
2
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:39,600
You have to see
the eye doctor Eric.
3
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,720
But I hate the eye doctor. He
always makes fun of me for being fat.
4
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:44,880
You're not fat,
you're big boned.
5
00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:47,000
That's what I told him, but
he doesn't listen to reason.
6
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:50,200
- Eric Cartman.
- Weak.
7
00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:52,520
- Hello Eric.
- Hi Dr. Lout.
8
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:55,480
- How's my little piggy today?
- Ay! Don't call me a little piggy!
9
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,760
I just say that because
you're my little buddy.
10
00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,200
I'm just here for an eye exam, alright!
Keep the fat jokes to yourself.
11
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,840
Hop up on the chair.
Don't break it now!
12
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,600
- God damn it! - Just kidding!
Let's see how your eyes are doing.
13
00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:08,746
All you have to do is read the letters.
Can you see the letters? - Yes.
14
00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:10,640
Alright, read them out for me.
15
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:13,274
I am a little...
16
00:01:13,309 --> 00:01:13,800
...piggy.
17
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:16,360
That does it! Mom!
18
00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,360
No no. That was just a weird coincidence.
I do not know how that happened.
19
00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:22,680
I am a little piggy. Wow!
What are the odds of that?
20
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,480
Alright, let's get down
to business, shall we?
21
00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:27,640
Oh gee! That's a good idea! My mom
isn't paying you to be a comedian.
22
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:31,240
Hmm, let's see, which
is better 1 or 2? 1 or 2?
23
00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:32,400
They look the exactly same.
24
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,120
- Just pick one. Or two?
- I don't know! Two.
25
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,283
Okay. One or two?
One or two?
26
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:39,400
Uh, one.
27
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,698
One or two? One or two?
28
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:42,720
Two!
29
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:46,040
- No! The answer is one piggy!
One! - Ow! I hate you!
30
00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:48,120
Yes, there is obviously a
problem with your eyes.
31
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,720
I am gonna have to dilate
them and run some tests.
32
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:57,840
I wonder how come
Cartman's not in school today?
33
00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,520
Yeah, usually when he ditches
school he still shows up for lunch.
34
00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:04,240
Yeah. Oh here he comes.
35
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,480
Hey dudes.
36
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:09,120
Whoa, what happened
to your eyes, Cartman?
37
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,760
- My asshole eye doctor made
them all dial-vated. - Why?
38
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:16,200
Why?! I'll tell you why! Because he's a
goddam asshole, and that's about it.
39
00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:17,440
Why do you have
to see an eye doctor?
40
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,937
Because my eyes suck. But that
doctor likes to torture me
41
00:02:19,938 --> 00:02:21,638
and I have to go back tomorrow,
and I don't know what I'm gonna do.
42
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:24,000
Dude! Just ask Chef for help.
He always knows what to do.
43
00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:29,200
- Hey Chef!
- Hello there children.
44
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:32,040
Dude, my eyes are seriously screwed up.
Chef looks like a skinny little white guy.
45
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,720
- It's time for lunch-e-roo.
- Where's Chef?
46
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,240
- Chef quit.
- What?!
47
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,880
Chef is gone.
So let my introduce myself.
48
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:42,680
I'm your new cook, Mr. Dirp.
49
00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:44,160
Mr. Dirp?
50
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:48,120
When I'm in the kitchen, you never know
what nutty things are gonna happen.
51
00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:52,160
If you like Chef,
you're gonna love Mr. Dirp.
52
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,320
Oooh! Dirp!
53
00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,520
Dirp! Oh wasn't that silly kids?
54
00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,080
- Why did Chef quit?
- Aren't I a great character?
55
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:06,080
My antics go right
to the funny bone.
56
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,984
Oh, I don't feel so good. Dirp!
57
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,280
Could you just hand
us some food please?
58
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:17,360
Sure gang! I have yellow
stuff or white stuff. Dirp!
59
00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,000
Can I have yellow
with a side of white?
60
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,080
Dude! I hate Mr. Dirp!
61
00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:23,640
Yeah, we gotta talk to Chef after
school and get him to come back.
62
00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,360
I don't know you guys, that
hammer thing was pretty funny.
63
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:27,560
Shut up, Cartman!
64
00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:31,960
Oh! Hello there children.
65
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:34,280
Chef, what the hell are you doing? We
almost starved to death at lunch today.
66
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,840
Oh! Didn't they tell you? I quit.
67
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,880
- Yeah, but we didn't believe them.
- Well, it's true.
68
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,600
But why? Why would you quit?
69
00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,664
Children, three nights ago I was at
the library checking out some books
70
00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:47,640
on kama sutra when I met
the most amazing woman ever.
71
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,240
She knew so much about so many
things. She really got me thinking.
72
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,320
We eventually came back to
my place and really hit it off.
73
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,240
So you made sweet love
to her down by the fire?
74
00:03:56,400 --> 00:04:00,080
No no, we just sat there all
night long and talked.
75
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,000
Talked?!
76
00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,600
Yes. She told me all about
the powers of goddess.
77
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:07,320
and how men have been oppressing women
for years and viewing them as sexual objects,
78
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,280
and I realized that I
had done that myself.
79
00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:11,880
Oh! What darling little children.
80
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:15,400
Here she is now. Children,
meet my new girlfriend, Veronica.
81
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,600
That's nice. Look Chef, Cartman's
got this eye doctor, see... Girlfriend?!
82
00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:21,640
- Children, Veronica is moving
in with me. - Moving in?!
83
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,320
- I'm in love.
- Love?!
84
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,200
Oh, you knight.
85
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:26,400
What the hell is going on?
86
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,520
Veronica spent the whole day
sharing her favorite poems with me.
87
00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:33,280
Sorry boys, looks like I'm
stealing Chef away from you.
88
00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,115
But Chef always helps
us with our problems.
89
00:04:35,116 --> 00:04:37,216
When we have a problem, Chef
sings to us and makes it better.
90
00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:38,720
Well, I could still
do that, children.
91
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,960
In fact, Veronica could help me.
She's a great singer too.
92
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:42,960
What's the problem?
93
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:46,600
My eyes are going bad, but the only eye
doctor in South Park is really really mean.
94
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:48,960
Oh, I know just the song for you.
95
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:54,320
There's got to be a morning after,
96
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,360
if we can hold on to the night.
97
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:03,360
We have a chance
to find the sunshine.
98
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,600
Let's keep on looking for the light.
99
00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:09,320
This... is insane!
100
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,080
- That bitch!
- She's stealing Chef from us!
101
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:17,360
He didn't even seem like Chef. He
seemed like a empty shell of a man.
102
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:18,566
Maybe it's just a phase.
103
00:05:18,567 --> 00:05:20,867
We just have to get him alone so
we can tell him what a bitch she is.
104
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,240
Wait you guys.
105
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,600
Maybe, is it possible
that we're just jealous,
106
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:29,680
because Chef is our friend, and now
he's paying attention to somebody new.
107
00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:33,000
Yeah, so?
108
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,560
- Yeah, screw that bitch!
- Bitch! I hate that bitch!
109
00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:37,184
Look, we just gotta get Chef alone.
110
00:05:37,185 --> 00:05:39,084
He won't listen to reason
with that hooker around.
111
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,960
- Let's find out where he's working and
go see him there tomorrow. - Good idea.
112
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,560
Alright, we got the
test results back piggy.
113
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,880
Stop calling me piggy!
114
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,760
You've got a small stigmatism
that's causing all the problems.
115
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:50,760
So what does that mean?
116
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:54,520
It means piggy, that your eye
sight is never going to get better.
117
00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:58,680
Alright. Right now, I'm
gonna be totally seriously, okay.
118
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:00,640
If you call me piggy
one more time,
119
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:04,400
I'm gonna leap of this chair and rip your
goddam nuts off with my bare hands!
120
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,880
Well, don't worry, I've got something that's
gonna make your eyes as good as new.
121
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,360
Oh, dude! Super weak!
122
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:15,320
I'm not wearing these, the
guys would totally rip on me.
123
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,480
I know, the hardest thing to do
is get kids to wear their glasses.
124
00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,080
I'm just gonna take them
off as soon as I leave!
125
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,040
That's why we
have the little stapler.
126
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:23,920
Ow! Sonofabitch!
127
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:26,240
They said that Chef works
in one of these buildings.
128
00:06:28,175 --> 00:06:29,520
Hey dudes.
129
00:06:33,274 --> 00:06:36,400
Ha ha ha ha! Look at Cartman
and his stupid glasses! Ha ha ha ha!
130
00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:39,520
- Dude! Just take them off!
- I can't! They're stapled to my head!
131
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:44,160
I hate you guys.
132
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:47,960
Hello and welcome to Steinburg
& Burgstein, can I help you?
133
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:49,120
We wanna talk to Chef.
134
00:06:49,140 --> 00:06:52,784
- Chef? - He's a big guy with a beard!
- And a chef hat. - And a real huge dick.
135
00:06:52,827 --> 00:06:56,000
Oh! The black guy!
Third cubicle on the left.
136
00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,440
Hey! Aren't you that cute
little kid from Jerry Maguire?
137
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,360
- Yeah, sure, sure.
- Wow! You really got fat.
138
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,660
- Hello there children.
- Hey Chef.
139
00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:08,640
Eric, you got glasses?
140
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,720
Chef, you have to dump the bitch.
141
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:11,661
We need you, Chef.
142
00:07:11,738 --> 00:07:15,201
Hey Chef, we're gonna run down to
the office supply store and get some
143
00:07:15,210 --> 00:07:18,720
leather holders for our pagers,
you wanna come? - You bet!
144
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:20,040
Chef, this place isn't you!
145
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:23,040
Children, Veronica showed me that
I've been living a very empty life.
146
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:27,160
Meaningless sex is fun for twenty or thirty
years, but after that, it starts to get old.
147
00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:28,800
- But we don't like her!
- Why not?!
148
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:30,840
I don't know.
No reason I guess...
149
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,080
Children, friends get
girlfriends all the time..
150
00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:35,840
It's something even you would have
to face with each other some day.
151
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:36,880
No way, dude!
152
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,320
Please, Chef! I don't know what
to do about my stupid glasses?
153
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:42,640
That's easy! Get some laser
corrective surgery, that's what I did.
154
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,800
Hey! Laser corrective
surgery! Thanks Chef!
155
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,976
You see?
Everything's gonna be fine.
156
00:07:46,977 --> 00:07:49,000
Now how about I meet you boys
after work and we can play ball?
157
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,800
Chef should be here any minute.
158
00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,520
- Dude! He bailed on us!
- I can't believe it!
159
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,560
Come on!
We're going to his house!
160
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:13,240
Hello there children.
161
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:14,220
Alright, mister!
162
00:08:14,221 --> 00:08:16,821
You better have a good explanation
why you didn't show up to play ball!
163
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:20,360
- Oh children, I'm sorry. I forgot.
- You forgot?!
164
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,920
Veronica surprised me at the
office and took me out to dinner.
165
00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:24,200
She's so amazing.
166
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,520
Well, we got something to
tell you about Veronica, Chef!
167
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,360
Hello children!
168
00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,600
Mam, we're having a dude
moment here, if you don't mind.
169
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,000
Children, I've got some
great news for you.
170
00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:35,120
Veronica and I
are getting married.
171
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,360
My whole family's coming here for the
wedding, and I want you boys to come too.
172
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,200
This is so
wonderful! Let's sing!
173
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,880
There's got to be a morning after,
174
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:52,344
If we can hold on to the night.
175
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:56,920
We have a chance
to find the sunshine.
176
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:03,280
And that children, is what you need
to know about the facts of life.
177
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,689
So let's review. Tootie
left in the fourth season,
178
00:09:06,690 --> 00:09:08,590
but Blair and Jo stayed
on and got husbands,
179
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,120
leaving the fifth and sixth
seasons hideously stagnant.
180
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,360
Okay children, that's lunch.
See you in thirty minutes.
181
00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:16,880
- Mr. Garrison, can we
talk to you? Sure.
182
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,240
Normally we go to Chef with our
problems, but we can't this time.
183
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:20,760
Well children,
I am your teacher.
184
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:25,040
I think you'll find that my advice just
as valuable as Chef's, if not more so.
185
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,120
Alright. Mr. Garrison, have you ever
had a friend, who had a new girlfriend,
186
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,040
and then stopped being your
friend, and it pissed you off?
187
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,240
Oh, the old Succubus syndrome.
188
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:33,240
What's a Succubus?
189
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:36,680
A Succubus is a woman sent from
Hell to suck the life out of a man.
190
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:37,800
- That's it!
- Yeah!
191
00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:39,837
Yeah, there's not much you
can do about a Succubus.
192
00:09:39,838 --> 00:09:41,937
Their evil power makes
man blind to love.
193
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,800
- This is totally what's happening!
- Wow, you are smart, Mr. Garrison!
194
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,000
Yeah, I tell you boys, women
can kill, poontang's expensive.
195
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,360
That's why when it comes to chicks,
I just screw them and leave them.
196
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,800
I'd say "get out of my bedroom,
poontang, before you suck my life dry!"
197
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,640
- Thank's Mr. Garrison.
- Sure kids.
198
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:01,000
- You're not fooling anyone.
- Shut your hole, Mr. Hat!
199
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:03,680
Come on guys! We gotta go tell
Chef he's in love with a Succubus.
200
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,920
Yeah! He's gonna be so
thankful we told him.
201
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:10,255
There you are Eric! Come on, we have
to go to the eye doctor. - Oh no!
202
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:13,440
Come on. Do you want your
laser corrective surgery or not?
203
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,040
- Yes, but can't we wait
until tomorrow? - Now hon.
204
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:20,240
But mom! I have to tell Chef
that he's marrying a Succubus!
205
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,880
- Hello there children.
- Who are you?
206
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,320
I'm Chef's father. We
just flew in for the wedding.
207
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:31,320
Oh hi. Is Chef here?
We have to talk to him.
208
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:32,560
Well, come on in.
209
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,920
- There he is.
- Chef, we have to talk to you.
210
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,600
Not now, children! I gotta get
fitted for my britches. Be right back.
211
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,280
Well, aren't you crackers
just cute as a dickens?
212
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,600
- You're Chef's parents?
- Yes, all his life.
213
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:54,640
- We have to talk to him.
- Well he should be out now directly.
214
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,320
Oh he's so excited
about the wedding now.
215
00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:02,160
Say, would you crackers like to hear about
the time we saw the Loch Ness monster?
216
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:03,120
No, that's okay.
217
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,840
Ooh! It must've been about
seven, eight years ago.
218
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,680
Me and the little lady was out on this
boat you see, all alone at night,
219
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,760
when all of a sudden
this huge creature,
220
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:15,120
this giant crustacean from the
paleolithic era, comes out of the water.
221
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,560
We was so scared, Lord have mercy,
I jumped up in the boat and I said:
222
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,240
"Thomas, what on
earth is that creature?!"
223
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,280
It stood above us looking
down with these big red eyes...
224
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:24,480
Oh it was so scary!
225
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,320
And I yelled, I said "What do
you want from us monster?!"
226
00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,200
And the monster
bent down and said:
227
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,320
"I need about treefiddy"
228
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:34,760
What's treefiddy?
229
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:37,040
- Three dollars and fifty cents
- Treefiddy.
230
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:38,640
- He wanted money?
- That's right.
231
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:42,640
I said "I ain't giving you no treefiddy
you goddam Loch Ness monster!
232
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,240
Get your own goddam money!"
233
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,520
- I gave him a dollar
- She gave him a dollar.
234
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,840
I thought he'd go away
if I gave him a dollar.
235
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,149
Well of course he's not
gonna go away, Nelly!
236
00:11:51,150 --> 00:11:53,550
You gave him a dollar, he's
gonna assume you got more.
237
00:11:56,320 --> 00:12:00,120
Okay, let's get started. You're
here for the liposuction, right?
238
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,080
Hey! You sonofabitch!
239
00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,720
Alright. Time to laser
me a little piggy.
240
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,320
Ay! You sonofabitch! I'm
gonna kick you square in the...
241
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,040
I bet his mom wishes
she could do that.
242
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:19,640
And that was the third time
we saw the Loch Ness monster.
243
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,040
- Then one time, I believe it was
July... - August.
244
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:26,200
There's a knock on the door. I open
it, and there's this cute little girl scout.
245
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:29,120
And she was so adorable
with the little pig tails and all.
246
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,800
And she says to me: "how would
you like to buy some cookies?"
247
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,800
And I said: "Well, what kind
do you have?"
248
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,880
She had thin mints,
graham crunchy things...
249
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:37,400
Raisin oatmeal.
250
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:40,696
Raisin oatmeal, and I said:
"We'll take a graham crunch.
251
00:12:40,731 --> 00:12:44,437
How much will that be?" And she looks at
me and she says: "I need about treefiddy".
252
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:46,960
Treefiddy.
253
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:51,381
Well it was about that time that I
notice that girl scout was about
254
00:12:51,382 --> 00:12:54,600
eight stories tall and was a
crustacean from the palezoic era.
255
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:55,960
The Loch Ness monster.
256
00:12:56,120 --> 00:13:00,760
I said: "Dammit monster! Get off my
lawn! I ain't giving you no treefiddy!"
257
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:05,054
It said: "how about just toofiddy?"
- I said: "Oh now it's only toofiddy?!
258
00:13:05,060 --> 00:13:07,480
What is there a sale on Loch
Ness munchies or something?!"
259
00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:10,040
- Now he was angry.
- Damn right I was angry!
260
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,520
Not you, the monster. He
was about to kick your ass.
261
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,120
Shut your mouth, woman!
262
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:15,800
Uh, could you just tell
Chef we were here.
263
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,000
Sure. That crazy old monster.
264
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,760
Now, then the
fourth time I saw the...
265
00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:25,080
Cartman, what the
hell are you doing?
266
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,851
That asshole eye doctor
screwed up my laser surgery.
267
00:13:27,852 --> 00:13:29,542
I have to wear these
bandages for three days.
268
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:32,680
Damn, your eyes must really suck, Cartman.
- Oh thanks for the news flash, Tom Brokaw.
269
00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,640
What happened with Chef?
Did you tell him she's a Succubus?
270
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,840
Well, we couldn't even talk to him. She's so
evil she had him totally kept away from us.
271
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,320
- Eric, you have a little visitor.
Is that alright? - Okay.
272
00:13:43,610 --> 00:13:47,680
Hello boys. I heard Eric had laser
surgery, so I made him a pie.
273
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,200
Ahh! It's a Succubus!
274
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:53,440
- We know what you are, lady!
- Yeah! You're a blood-thirsty Succubus!
275
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,720
- A what? - A demon from Hell
sent to suck the life out of men.
276
00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:00,240
Boys! You know how silly
that sounds, don't you?
277
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,800
Well you are
taking Chef from us.
278
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:06,080
oys, come here. I want
to explain this to you.
279
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:10,040
I know Chef is your friend,
but Chef is a grown man.
280
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,840
He has needs you
boys can't fulfil.
281
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,680
He wants a life with me
because I make him happy.
282
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:17,240
Do you understand?
283
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,600
- I guess.
- Good.
284
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,360
Oh and boys.
Just one more thing.
285
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,000
I'm going to marry
Chef tomorrow.
286
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,840
And there's not a goddam
thing you can do about it!
287
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:32,640
Toodle-oo!
288
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:35,960
- Jesus dude!
- What? What happened?
289
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,880
Could I have your
attention please!
290
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:46,400
Tomorrow, my son is gonna get
married to a beautiful lady.
291
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:48,040
I'm very happy for them both.
292
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,680
Ooh there I go! I told myself
I wasn't gonna cry, now.
293
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:51,760
It's okay pop.
294
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,880
Thomas, you're gonna
get me going now.
295
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:57,080
I remember when Chef was just
a three-year-old little man.
296
00:14:57,240 --> 00:15:00,885
He came running up to me with a
big smile and his little chef's hat on,
297
00:15:00,886 --> 00:15:02,686
and he said "poppa, poppa!"
298
00:15:02,768 --> 00:15:05,320
I said: "What do you need,
Chef, my boy?", and he said:
299
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,240
"I need about treefiddy".
300
00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:08,640
Treefiddy.
301
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,440
It was about that
time I got suspicious.
302
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,280
I said: "Chef, why
do you need treefiddy?"
303
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:18,160
He said: "My imaginary friend
GooGoo the dinosaur wants it"
304
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:22,600
I went to my son's room, and sure enough,
there was the Loch Ness monster.
305
00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:23,960
Oh, it was scary!
306
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:27,480
I said: "Dammit monster! You stop
bugging my children now!"
307
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,880
"We work for our money in this
house and we don't give money away!"
308
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:31,720
Excuse me!
309
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,320
We're sorry to interrupt,
but we've got bad news.
310
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:38,520
This is not a woman!
It is a Succubus!
311
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,200
Yeah! She's evil and wants to
suck Chef's life out of him.
312
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:44,200
Children! That hurt my feelings.
313
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,400
Oh, you can pretend all you want!
You're not fooling anybody!
314
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:51,160
Alright guys! That's enough!
I have had it with you!
315
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:54,760
This is a happy time of my life,
and you can't be happy for me...
316
00:15:54,894 --> 00:15:55,297
Chef...
317
00:15:55,332 --> 00:15:58,640
No buts Stan! I love this
woman, and I am marrying her!
318
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:02,120
Now you can either accept
that, or get out of my life!
319
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:04,760
Now if you'll excuse us,
we having a party.
320
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,520
So I chased the monster
down the street you see...
321
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,520
I guess there's nothing we can do.
Chef likes her more than us.
322
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:13,440
No! I'm not willing to give up!
Chef wouldn't give up on us!
323
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,560
There's tons of stuff on Succubuses,
but nothing on how to stop them.
324
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,320
You guys, it's six in the morning,
I have to get some sleep.
325
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,989
Dude! Chef's wedding
is in three hours.
326
00:16:22,990 --> 00:16:24,990
We've got that much time to find
out how to destroy a Succubus.
327
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,240
You know what?! Screw Chef!
There, I said it! Screw him!
328
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,840
Let him marry Succubus!
I wanna go to sleep.
329
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:33,348
Here! Here! Look at this! It says:
"The Succubus enchants
330
00:16:33,349 --> 00:16:36,649
it's victim with an eerie melody.
This is the Succubi power.
331
00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:40,080
Only playing this melody backwards
can vanquish the Succubus power".
332
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,160
- What the hell does that mean?
- I don't know.
333
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:49,640
Right.
334
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,560
Hey yeah! What's that
song she always sings?
335
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,120
There's got to be a morning after,
336
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,720
If we can hold on to the night.
337
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,720
We've got to find our way together.
338
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:10,131
- That's it! We gotta learn that
song backwards. - In three hours.
339
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,320
Ah man! I can't
keep my eyes open.
340
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:20,120
We can't fall asleep. We gotta nail that
song. You got the tape recorder, Cartman?
341
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,472
- He's asleep! Wake up fatass!
- What what what?
342
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,920
Goddam it! You can't fall asleep! - I wasn't
sleeping, I was just thinking really hard.
343
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,640
And then these aliens had me up on their
ship, right. They was probing me and all that.
344
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,240
We had taco salad that night.
345
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,360
Don't matter what we
had for dinner woman!
346
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:38,600
Now this alien had a big head and big
black eyes, and it was all bent over me.
347
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:42,160
I said "What do you want from me
alien?!" and do you know what he said?
348
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:45,080
- Treefiddy. - Let me
tell the damn story now!
349
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:48,240
He said: "treefiddy". And so I
realized I that it wasn't no alien,
350
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:52,400
it was that goddam Loch Ness monster again
trying to trick me into giving him treefiddy
351
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,040
by dressing up like an alien.
Don't that just beat all?!
352
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,360
I just given him treefiddy
the week before.
353
00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:01,160
What?! You gave that monster another
damn treefiddy?! - He tricked me.
354
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:04,447
Well no wonder the damn monster
keeps coming back to our house!
355
00:18:04,448 --> 00:18:05,948
You keep giving it treefiddy!
356
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:08,720
There she is!
357
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,120
- Bitch! Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!
- Dirty bitch!
358
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,720
Alright, Kyle and I are gonna
take out positions up front.
359
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,480
Do you Chef take this woman
as your lawful wedded wife,
360
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,320
- to have and to...
- I do!
361
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:30,240
Oh! My baby's getting married!
362
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,960
And do you Veronica take
Chef to be your daddy?
363
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:33,960
I do!
364
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,840
And now a special sharing
of vows through song.
365
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,040
Here it goes.
366
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:41,960
There's got to be
a morning after...
367
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,040
Now Cartman!
368
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:46,480
Now Cartman!
369
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:53,680
- Children! You are screwing up my
wedding! - I'll take care of them!
370
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,640
Cartman! Wake up
you fat piece of crap!
371
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:09,240
What the?!
372
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:11,960
Oh no! The tape jammed!
373
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:22,400
She's a goddam Succubus!
374
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,400
Succubus trying to take my baby!
375
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,160
- Come on Cartman!
- I can't see anything!
376
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,160
- Oh my God! She killed Kenny!
- You bastard!
377
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,680
You damn monster!
Get away from my baby!
378
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,640
Hold on! I'll see
if I have treefiddy.
379
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:42,800
I got it!
380
00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:02,160
Huh, wow! You don't
see that every day!
381
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:05,960
We're sorry Chef,
we had to do it!
382
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:08,720
No, I'm glad you did children.
383
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:13,640
Now that she's gone, I can't really
figure out what I ever saw in her.
384
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,160
Poontangs, poontang!
385
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,360
Come on children, let's
go get some ice cream.
386
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,560
What? What happened
you guys? Is Kenny okay?
387
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,240
- Hello there children!
- Hey Chef!
388
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,400
How would you like some
fish sticks and tater tots?
389
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,480
- We'd love them!
- It's great to have you back Chef!
390
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,240
Yeah, well, I learned a very
important lesson this week.
391
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:37,240
Sometimes you fall in love and
you think it feels that way forever.
392
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:41,720
You change your life and didn't know your
friends cause you think it can't get any better.
393
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:45,840
But then love goes away no matter
what it doesn't stay as strong.
394
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:50,200
And then you're left with nothing
cause your tinking with your dong.
395
00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:54,720
So watch out for that love boat.
It can destroy like a typhoon wind.
396
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,840
Just play it cool and
don't be a fool...
397
00:20:57,080 --> 00:21:00,080
And never let poontang come
between you and your friend.
398
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,560
Damn, that Garrison.
399
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,680
Oh hello piggy! How
are your eyes doing?
400
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:11,480
After today they're gonna be fine and
I'm never have to see you ever again.
401
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:14,120
I don't think that's possible
piggy, not with your eyes.
402
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:15,840
No, not with my eyes.
403
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:16,840
With these!
404
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:20,440
- Was he an organ donor?
- Ee-sure
405
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:21,880
Alright, then let's get to work.
406
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,360
Say, you don't have two
dollars and fifty cent on you?
33137
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