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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,760 - Is this what you're looking for, Kyle? - No, I don't think so. 2 00:00:38,940 --> 00:00:41,880 - How about this? - No, that's a hair dryer. - Can I help you find something? 3 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,440 - Yeah, do you have any erections? - Any what? 4 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:46,560 I need to get an erection for my dad. 5 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,405 - Very funny, boys! Go on, beat it! - Why is that funny? 6 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,728 Dude, my mom and dad keep fighting all the time, and everyone says it's 7 00:00:51,729 --> 00:00:53,929 because he doesn't have an erection, so I wanna get him one. 8 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,080 Dammit! What the hell is wrong with everybody? 9 00:00:57,240 --> 00:01:00,480 That's the fifth store we've been kicked out of! Why is it so hard to get an erection? 10 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,840 I just want an erection so I can give it to my mom. 11 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,950 What? - See you guys. I've gotta go get a bus. 12 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,160 Oh where you gonna go, Kenny? You gonna see your little girlfriend again? 13 00:01:07,180 --> 00:01:10,120 Yeah, she must love me - Dude, you spend way too much time with that girl. If you... 14 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:17,960 - Oh my God! They killed Kenny! - You bastards! 15 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,160 - What the hell happened to him? - He just... ignited! 16 00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:23,440 What happened?! - I saw it from across the street, he just caught on fire! 17 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:27,880 Okay, people, stand back, give the little burnt boy some breathing room. 18 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,880 I've heard about this! This is spontaneous combustion! 19 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,480 But it usually only happens to fat people near open flames. 20 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:35,640 - Is it contagious? - Am I gonna spontaneously combust?! 21 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,240 - I hope nothing happens to me! - This is very scary! 22 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,080 The people are panicking about spontaneous combustion! 23 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,502 That's why I've assembled this crack team of scientists 24 00:01:44,503 --> 00:01:46,503 to find out the cause of the phenomenon. 25 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:49,600 You are the best scientific mind South Park has to offer. 26 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,960 - Uh, mayor, I'm a geologist. - Right. 27 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:58,080 Well, I don't study human biology, I study the Earth. 28 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,280 Look! You're the only scientist that lives in this town. 29 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,804 You have to find an answer before more people combust. 30 00:02:02,805 --> 00:02:05,805 You do that and you'll be the most beloved man in South Park. 31 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:09,320 Randy! Randy! Randy! 32 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,080 We love you Randy! 33 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:13,080 Make love to me Randy! Please! 34 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,120 Marsh, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you! 35 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,680 Find the cause of spontaneous combustion or else! 36 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,680 - Or else what? - Exactly! 37 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:32,000 Dude, he looks so peaceful without his little orange coat on. 38 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:40,400 The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, 39 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,440 sometimes the giveth seems a little disproportionate to the taketh, 40 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,720 there seems to be a lot more takething going on, but there it is. 41 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:50,080 Perhaps if more of you attended church on Sundays, 42 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:54,560 the Lord would not have felt it necessary to punish us by takething this little boy... 43 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:56,360 Oh, here comes the guilt trip again! 44 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,080 Now, let us pray! 45 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:00,360 Lord, 46 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:04,480 though we have lost Neil Smith to free agency and Steve Atwater to the Jets, 47 00:03:04,515 --> 00:03:08,440 still, we hope our beloved Broncos can bring home another Superbowl championship, 48 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,400 and once again bathe in the glory of your light. Amen. 49 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,120 Let's go... 50 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:15,320 Let's go... 51 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:16,520 Broncos... 52 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:17,680 Broncos... 53 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,480 Let's go Broncos! 54 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:21,440 Broncos, let's go! 55 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:25,661 Wow, that was short! 56 00:03:25,779 --> 00:03:28,240 Boys, I haven't seen you in church lately. 57 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,520 Well, I'm Jewish. 58 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,640 - You're not to Jewish to worship Jesus, are you? - I guess not. 59 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:36,200 Good! Boys, how would you like to perform the Stations of the Cross this Friday night? 60 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:41,000 It's like a skit where you reenact the death and glorious resurrection of Jesus Christ. 61 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,240 Hey, a resurrection! That's what my dad needs! 62 00:03:43,444 --> 00:03:44,800 - Huh?! - We'll do it! We'll do it! 63 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:48,520 Wonderful! Here's a book on how to perform it. Don't let me down boys. 64 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,040 Dude, this is great! You know all the Stations of the Cross, right Stan? 65 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,080 I don't know, dude. I'm gonna have to go look in the Bible. 66 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,480 - Good night Jerry. - See ya Tom. 67 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:57,960 - Bye Helen. - By Jer... 68 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,600 - Oh my God! Another one! - Helen! No! 69 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:04,040 - What happened?! - God must be very angry with us, but why? 70 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:06,960 How have we angered you Lord?! 71 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,360 Now let's see if they combust... no... could be from... no 72 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,040 - Dad, where's our Bible? - Not now, Stan! 73 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,280 I have to find out what causes spontaneous combustion or else. 74 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,320 - Or else what? - Exactly. 75 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:20,440 - What? - Right. 76 00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:25,320 - Where's our Bible? - It's in the attic with the old LP's. 77 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,911 Boys, did you notice anything strange 78 00:04:27,912 --> 00:04:30,012 about Kenny in the weeks leading up to his combustion? 79 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:31,600 What did he spend his time doing? 80 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,600 He didn't do anything. He was always with his new girlfriend. 81 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:36,848 Yeah, he started seeing this girl and he spent all his time taking the bus 82 00:04:36,849 --> 00:04:38,749 to go visit her, what does that have to do with his death? 83 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,000 Maybe nothing. 84 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:41,800 Maybe everything. 85 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,374 Well, we're gonna go work on getting Kyle's dad an erection. 86 00:04:45,409 --> 00:04:47,692 Yes, yes, of course, I've got work to do. 87 00:04:48,733 --> 00:04:49,410 What?! 88 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:53,600 Let's see, Jesus got crucified, then He died, then three days later, He has a resurrection, 89 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,800 in his fourteen Stations of the Cross, and it says we can make costumes out of sheets. 90 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,720 - This is gonna be fun! - I'm gonna be Jesus. 91 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,440 - You're too fat to be Jesus! - Oh like you're gonna do it, Jew?! 92 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:02,440 Stan should be Jesus! 93 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,480 Either I'm Jesus or I'll screw you guys, I'm going home! 94 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,040 You are such a fat baby! 95 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:10,760 Well I guess you guys can do the Stations of the Cross by yourselves. 96 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:17,160 Alright, alright! You can be Jesus you tubby crybaby! 97 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:20,280 Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I'm Jesus and you aren't. 98 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:23,720 Alright, alright, let's try it again. Kenny was standing here. 99 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,280 Stan, Kyle, and Cartman were walking around him. 100 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,000 Okay, now walk. 101 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,120 - Do you feel hot? - No. 102 00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:34,720 Dammit! How come you're not combusting? 103 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,960 Come on Randy, you said we were gonna drink beer and watch the fight. 104 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,480 Another one! Another one combusted! 105 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:41,520 No! She been doing anything odd? 106 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:44,461 No! She was just on her way to her new boyfriend's house! 107 00:05:44,496 --> 00:05:47,243 Boyfriend? And they say Kenny had a new girlfriend. 108 00:05:47,268 --> 00:05:49,840 This is stupid. Screw you guys, I'm going home. 109 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,520 No! I think I might have it! 110 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:57,000 Well well well! A lot of you came to church. 111 00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:01,000 Looks like we're all a little nervous about this spontaneous combustion thing, huh? 112 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:06,520 Well, on this blessed Friday, let us give thanks for stuff, and things... 113 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:10,757 Lord, is it so much to ask that you to not let us suddenly 114 00:06:10,758 --> 00:06:15,280 burst into flame for no apparent reason, I mean, come on, Amen. 115 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,604 And now, some of our darling local children 116 00:06:17,605 --> 00:06:19,705 are going to perform the Stations of the Cross. 117 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:25,800 Station 1: Jesus is comdemmed to death by pilot. 118 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,360 Die! 119 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:32,080 Ow! You can do what you will, but I am the Lamb of God. 120 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,420 Station 2: Jesus takes His cross. 121 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:39,840 This cross is seriously heavy. Oh man! This is totally weak. 122 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,320 And then, Jesus' Disciple Peter denies he knows Him. 123 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,520 - Peter! - I don't know you, dude. 124 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,000 Oh Peter, weak. 125 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:51,480 Peter, lame. But I'm Jesus, so I'll forgive you, I guess. 126 00:06:54,894 --> 00:06:58,440 Mayor! - Mayor! I have it! I found out why people spontaneously combust! 127 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,426 Why? - The answer's too complicated to explain over the phone. 128 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:02,680 Call a town meeting tomorrow. 129 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,606 Okay. If your right about this Marsh, 130 00:07:04,607 --> 00:07:07,207 you're gonna be the most popular man in South Park. 131 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,400 Randy! Randy! Randy! 132 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:11,160 We love you Randy! 133 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,160 Make love to me Randy! Please! 134 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:17,600 Schmuck! 135 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,400 Station 11: Jesus is nailed to the cross. 136 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:24,040 Oh, this has gone from weak to super-weak. 137 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:26,240 Things can not get any more weak for me. 138 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:30,240 Then a crown of thorns was placed on Jesus' head and Jesus was all like, thanx. 139 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,040 Well, this sucks that I have to die, 140 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:37,320 but if I die, everyone's sins will be forgiven, so I guess it's cool. 141 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,598 And then Jesus was lead away to Mount Sinai, 142 00:07:40,599 --> 00:07:43,799 where He died and has a ressur-erection three days later. 143 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:44,920 Hi mom. 144 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:48,440 Thank you, boys. Blessed be the name of Jesus. 145 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,640 It's a great name, isn't it? 146 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:52,640 Hey! That went really well. They really liked it. 147 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,520 Yeah, I told I'd be a sweet Jesus you guys. 148 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:58,508 Oh man! At least the real Jesus didn't weigh 400 pounds. 149 00:07:58,509 --> 00:07:59,909 Up your ass with broken glass! 150 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,560 This spot looks good. 151 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:03,960 Yeah. that looks pretty good! 152 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,680 - Okay, cool, see ya Cartman! - Hey, wait, where the hell you going? 153 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,920 - I don't know. I'm going home, I guess. - Yeah, me too. 154 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,280 Well get me down from here! 155 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,160 Cartman! How stupid are you?! Didn't you read the Bible? 156 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:13,950 We have to leave you up there until you die, 157 00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:15,951 and then you come back to life in three days. - What?! 158 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,663 - Yeah dummy, you have to get an erection. - Then I can give it to my dad. 159 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,320 Hey! I don't wanna be Jesus anymore! 160 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:24,520 Don't leave me here! You guys! 161 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,280 Alright! That does it! 162 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,280 Screw you guys, I'm going home! 163 00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:34,880 Okay! I'm getting pissed now! 164 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:45,360 Okay, people. Scientist Marsh and I have been working very hard 165 00:08:45,361 --> 00:08:47,361 on the problem of spontaneous combustion, 166 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:50,080 and we have finally come up with a solution. Mr. Marsh? 167 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:53,057 The little boy combusted because he had a new girlfriend. 168 00:08:53,986 --> 00:08:56,007 I wasn't the girl that caused him to combust, 169 00:08:56,008 --> 00:08:59,998 it was the fact that Kenny did not wanna pass gas in front of her. 170 00:09:00,145 --> 00:09:01,904 You see, as food is digested, 171 00:09:01,905 --> 00:09:05,205 the natural processes give off a byproduct known as methane gas. 172 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,120 The methane gathers here in the bowel area where it causes pressure. 173 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:11,760 Normally a person would expel this build-up in the form of a pleasant fart. 174 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,120 Should the gas not be expelled the methane can build up, 175 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:16,680 and then ignite, leading to... 176 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:18,280 disaster. 177 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,680 Kenny combusted because he held his farts in for too long. 178 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:26,200 - You mean all we have to do is fart and we won't explode? - Exactly. 179 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,831 So from this day forward everyone in South Park will be required to fart 180 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:38,680 on a regular basis to ensure that nobody else spontaneously explodes. 181 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:41,720 We love you Randy! 182 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,880 Make love to me Randy, please! 183 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:45,200 Whoa, dude! My dad's famous. 184 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,760 Come on. Let's go see how Cartman's doing with his erection. 185 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:50,720 Wow, he died. 186 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,480 Now we just gotta wait for his erection, and I can give it to my dad. 187 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,120 Hey there you guys are! 188 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,440 - Cartman? - You guys are in big trouble! Now get me down from myah! 189 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:00,960 How come you're not dead yet, Cartman?! 190 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,640 You guys, I am seriously... Get me down right now! 191 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,774 Look fatass, after you die, and get resurr-erected, 192 00:10:05,775 --> 00:10:09,503 you'll have all kinds of super powers just like Jesus. - Really? 193 00:10:09,538 --> 00:10:12,000 Yeah! So hurry up and die you piece of crap! 194 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:14,917 When I get my super powers, I'm gonna use them 195 00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:19,400 to smote you two assholes right off the planet! Super powers is sweet. 196 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,440 - Hi boys. - Hi Mr. Mackie. 197 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,744 Have you boys been sure to pass gas regularly 198 00:10:23,745 --> 00:10:25,345 so you don't spontaneously combust? 199 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:26,600 We know how to fart Mr. Mackie! 200 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,000 Well let me show you, just to be sure, mmmkay. 201 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,360 Come on!... Good good ass... 202 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,280 - Jesus Christ! - Sick, dude! 203 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,080 I had a steak wrapped with bacon last night. 204 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:37,600 Dude, I could have know that. 205 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:41,240 So you boys understand you have to do that regularly, mmmkay? 206 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,080 Okay, okay! Just go away! 207 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:46,000 God, that was not cool at all, dude! 208 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,440 Oh, hello boys, have you seen Eric around anywhere? 209 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:52,120 - Uh, we've been taking care of him. - Yeah, we're having his resur-erected. 210 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:54,760 Oh, alright! I was just at the store buying some apples. 211 00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,480 - Apples? - Yes, apples. 212 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:57,840 Apples, get it? 213 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,000 Stinky apples. See ya boys. 214 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:03,560 - I don't think I like this new law. - Squeaker. 215 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:09,446 And so I declare today Randy Marsh day, where we shall remember forever 216 00:11:09,447 --> 00:11:12,280 how he freed us all from the threat of spontaneous combustion. 217 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,040 Gentlemen? 218 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:18,560 You're the best, Randy! 219 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:23,480 I am? I am, huh! I never knew the depth of my scientific genius until now! 220 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,560 It's too bad Cartman can't be here to enjoy this. 221 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,720 You guys! Seriously! Somebody get me down from myah! 222 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,120 Officer Barbrady! 223 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,600 T. T is for turtle. 224 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:42,160 Ay! Help me you sonofabitch. 225 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,600 I'm gonna die up here. 226 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:50,600 We now return to the 42nd Annual Nobel Prize Awards. 227 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,720 Here again your host, Whoopi Goldberg. 228 00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,960 Republicans are so stupid! 229 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,200 I hate republicans! 230 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,080 Republicans are so stupid! 231 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,440 And now here to present the Nobel Prize for Science, here's Nick Nolte. 232 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:16,800 Science is good. 233 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,240 Science is very im-port-ant. 234 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,000 This years nominees are... 235 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,002 Harold R. Pinkerton for his further development 236 00:12:25,003 --> 00:12:28,303 of the grand unified theory of physics. 237 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:32,840 Randy Marsh for his formulated break- wind theory of spontaneous combustion. 238 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:38,200 And Alphonz Mephesto for his seven-assed Galapagos turtle. 239 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:41,880 And the Nobel Prize goes to... 240 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:45,120 Randy Marsh for the theory of spontaneous fart thing. 241 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,160 No! No, this can't be! 242 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,671 I'm the best! Yeah! 243 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,220 It's just so amazing to be told that you're the best! 244 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:01,160 I thought I was just a normal person like all of you, but... 245 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,800 Thank you for showing me otherwise! 246 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:05,720 Yeah! I kick ass! 247 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,080 Fixed! Fixed! 248 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:11,840 That was supposed to be my award, Kevin! I'll get him for this! Mark my words! 249 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:16,000 Wow! My dad's the best! All other dads suck compared to my dad! 250 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:17,800 Hey! My dad is pretty cool, too! 251 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:21,480 I'm sorry honey... 252 00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:24,480 It's okay. I'll just call some twenty year old and have him come over. 253 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,040 - What?! - I'm just kidding. 254 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:29,080 Kidding?! Well, that's not funny! That hurt my feelings! 255 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,240 - Why? - Why?! 256 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,840 Don't worry you guys! I'm getting an erection as we speak! 257 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,080 Actually Cartman's getting an erection, but then we're gonna give it to you, 258 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:39,680 so buck up! 259 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,200 We have a very strange little boy, Gerald! 260 00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:51,480 Dude, he's still not dead. 261 00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:54,000 You guys, my mom is totally worried about me, you better let me down. 262 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:55,240 She's not worried about you. 263 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:58,200 Yes, she is! I've been hearing her all day! Listen, listen. 264 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:03,000 Eric? Eric, where are you? I miss you very much. 265 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,320 That's not your mom calling! 266 00:14:04,390 --> 00:14:06,800 Yes it is, you guys! Now seriously! 267 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:09,400 This is Eric's mom and I want him home right now. 268 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:10,880 How stupid do you think we are?! 269 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,320 Now you die on that cross and get resur-erected before I kick your ass! 270 00:14:14,339 --> 00:14:17,240 You guys! Now it is too hot out myah! I can't do this! 271 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:18,920 He is right, it has been getting really hot lately. 272 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,640 Yeah, I noticed that too. Let's go get some ice-cold lemonade! 273 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,720 Oh god damn it! 274 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:27,320 You guys! You guys wanna hear my "I Hate Stan and Kyle Song"? 275 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:28,880 Nenávidím Stana a Kyla! 276 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,400 I seriously hate Stan and Kyle! 277 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,320 My God! It's burning up in here! 278 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:37,400 - Can't we crank the AC up some more?! - It's already on full. 279 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,000 You wanted to see me, mayor? 280 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:42,480 Yes, Marsh, we have a new problem and I think only you can solve it. 281 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,680 I suspect you're talking about the dramatic heatwave. 282 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:47,200 The temperature is steadily rising every day! 283 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:48,960 I want you to find out why. 284 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,200 Mayor, I think I'm a little overqualified for this, 285 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:53,800 my scientific mind is best used on global problems. 286 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,360 Alright, alright! Name your price. 287 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,120 Ten thousand, I have to protect my talent. 288 00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:58,600 Done, just find out what's happening. 289 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:01,120 Don't worry, mayor. I'll find the cause. Or else? 290 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,480 Or else what? Exactly. 291 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,680 You guys! Seriously now! 292 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:12,360 - Oh what now?! - Chef! Chef! 293 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:14,960 - Children, what the hell are you doing?! - Just get me down from here! 294 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:16,920 Oh, finally! My arms are killing me! 295 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:20,280 You children shouldn't be out crucifying yourselves out in this heat! 296 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:24,200 Sweet! Now I'm gonna go kill those guys! 297 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,040 Eric, I have to tell you something, and it's really gonna bum you out! 298 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,480 - What? - It's gonna really piss you off! 299 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,640 This is just a dream. You still up on that cross. 300 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:33,480 Goddamn it! 301 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,480 Dad, where's the phone book? 302 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,880 Not now, Stanley. Without my scientific genius the town is doomed. 303 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:44,200 Let's see now, when exactly did the temperature start to go up? 304 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:47,480 Our topic tonight is the rising temperatures in South Park. Let's go to the phones. 305 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:48,720 Caller, you're on the air. 306 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,200 Jesus, after you got crucified, how long did it take for you to die and resurrect? 307 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:52,960 Stan? 308 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,000 That's not the topic, tonight. The topic is global warming. 309 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:59,640 - Do you have an opinion on global warming? - Ah, it sucks ass. 310 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:00,760 Okay. Thank you caller. 311 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,360 Well, let's go to out first guest, Dr. Alphonz Mephesto. 312 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,880 Thanks for coming. You claim to know the cause for global warming in South Park. 313 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:09,120 I most certainly do! The cause of global warning is... 314 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:10,880 Randy Marsh! 315 00:16:11,853 --> 00:16:13,552 It was Marsh's theory on spontaneous combustion 316 00:16:13,553 --> 00:16:15,353 that told everyone to fart all they want. 317 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:18,920 Now all the methane from all those farts has ripped a hole in our ozone. 318 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,000 We are all doomed to die! 319 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:22,360 Ah crap! 320 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:25,680 We want answers! 321 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:27,600 - You killed us all! - Someone's gotta pay! 322 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,120 Boy, they're really pissed. 323 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,764 Well they're right. We should have known that all that methane could 324 00:16:31,765 --> 00:16:34,920 adversely affect the atmosphere. - Well let's go talk to them. Stick by me. 325 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,520 - You killed us all! - Shove that Nobel Prize up your ass! 326 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:40,680 Oh my God, what's going on? 327 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,520 Now, either we hold in our farts and spontaneously combust, 328 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,040 or we let our farts out and kill our entire planet! 329 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,400 I'm, for one, am not farting anymore! 330 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:51,800 Uh, I'll try to find a solution... 331 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,680 We don't want your solution, phoney! 332 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:54,520 Give me that! 333 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:56,760 Damn you, Marsh! Get out of town! 334 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:57,840 You fraud! 335 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:04,320 - Mr. Garrison, help me! - I do not know you, sir. 336 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:07,360 Up yours! 337 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,600 - Take that! - Dude! That's my dad! 338 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:10,720 Oh yeah, sorry. 339 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,120 The spontaneous combustion problem escalates as 340 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:18,000 more and more people go back to holding in all their farts. 341 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:19,920 Meanwhile the ozone layer continues to deplete as 342 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,720 others refuse to hold in their farts for fear of combustion. 343 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,480 As we all know, the cause for all of this is Randy Marsh, 344 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,480 the sonofabitch who calls himself a scientist. 345 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,800 We caught up with Mr. Marsh earlier today and he had this to say: 346 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,800 I don't know what to say... 347 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,960 What an asshole! I hate that guy and so do you! 348 00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:38,840 And now on to the weather. It's fuckin hot! Thanks to Randy Marsh, sonofabitch! 349 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,720 - Dude! Those people are pissed! - I know! Huh! 350 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:44,520 - Where's your dad? - He's hiding down in the basement. 351 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,840 I don't know what to do! - You have to help him, just like I have to help my dad. 352 00:17:53,097 --> 00:17:55,680 Still more effects from the heat wave caused by Randy Marsh. 353 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:58,097 A giant glacier is melting above South Park 354 00:17:58,098 --> 00:18:00,498 and the entire town is doomed! And now these messages. 355 00:18:00,522 --> 00:18:03,720 Having a hard time with male potency? Well I don't and I'm Bob Dole. 356 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:07,040 What's wrong with you? Christ! I'm Bob Dole and I can get it up! 357 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,600 - Are you a lawyer? - Yes. 358 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,000 - We want to see Randy Marsh. - Why? 359 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:15,480 - He gave us skin cancer. - Yeah! He put that hole in the ozone, 360 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:19,600 and now we got skin cancer all over our hot bodies! Look! 361 00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:25,240 What are you doing, dad? 362 00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:28,800 Stanley, I think it's best you live with Kyle from now on. His dad is better than me. 363 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,000 No he's not! He can't even get an erection! 364 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,000 Really? 365 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,120 Dad, you've got to work! People are dying dad! You've gotta come up with a solution! 366 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,600 Not me! I'm not a scientist, I'm a hack! 367 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:40,320 Even if I found a solution, those people would still all hate me. 368 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,520 Well that doesn't matter! I learned something from the Stations of the Cross. 369 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,280 What? 370 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:49,120 At first, Jesus was all like "why me?" and he was all pissed off and stuff. 371 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:51,680 But then He saw what mattered most was everybody else. 372 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:55,360 So He stopped thinking about His own misery, and did what had to be done. 373 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,960 Right as Jesus was dying, He raised His hand and said: 374 00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,920 "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." 375 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,960 You're right, Stanley! You're absolutely right! 376 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,200 Hey, that Bible sounds like kind of a good book! 377 00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:10,720 It ain't bad. You should try reading it sometime. 378 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,360 Dude, that was Star Trek again! 379 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,360 "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few"? That was Wrath of Khan. 380 00:19:16,395 --> 00:19:18,040 Oh well! Bible, Wrath of Khan, what's the difference? 381 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,240 Alright! Now, let's get to work! 382 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:13,360 Dad! 383 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,720 Dad, what are you doing? You have to get started. 384 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,000 Right, right, right. 385 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:23,280 Kyle, where's your mother?! 386 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,600 - She's upstairs! - Well I have something to give to her! 387 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:29,240 Don't worry Kyle! Everything's gonna be okay between me and your mom! 388 00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:31,760 Really! Great! I don't have to worry about that anymore! 389 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:39,720 - Look! There he is! - Get him! 390 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,040 Uh, please, everyone! 391 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,680 You're a dead man, Marsh! 392 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,200 Please, just listen to me. I think I found the answer. 393 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:47,200 Could I borrow one of your rocks? 394 00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:50,320 It's all about moderation. If you never fart, you combust, 395 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,240 but if you always fart, you deplete the ozone. 396 00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:56,240 So we must fart only at appropriate times or when it's really really funny. 397 00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:01,360 I know you all hate me, but please, for your own sake, fart in moderation. 398 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,600 You can keep stoning me now if you want. 399 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:14,200 And so we solute Randy Marsh and his unified theory of moderation that has saved us all! 400 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,160 - See, my dad is the coolest after all! - Well, my dad's... 401 00:21:17,195 --> 00:21:19,360 - Dude! Cartman! - I forgot all about him! 402 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,120 He's been up there for like, three weeks! 403 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:22,965 That's amazing! 404 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:26,480 - You guys! I am really pissed off now! - Dude! You're still alive, Cartman! 405 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:27,600 Get me down from here! 406 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,480 Dude, you survived all this time on the fat stored up in your body?! 407 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:34,520 And when I get down from here, I'm gonna kick you both right in the nuts! 33099

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