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Subs created by: David Coleman.
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I can't believe tomorrow's the big day.
3
00:00:05,735 --> 00:00:08,608
Our country is finally
putting a man on Mars.
4
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,176
What do you think is up there, Denzel?
5
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:12,244
Hot martian bitches with
four sets of green titties.
6
00:00:12,245 --> 00:00:14,261
That's really profound, Denzel.
7
00:00:14,262 --> 00:00:18,048
I know. Titty [Bleep] that
bitch is like a full-time job.
8
00:00:18,049 --> 00:00:21,075
- What about the rest of space?
- Mm, stars and shit.
9
00:00:21,076 --> 00:00:24,222
- How many do you think there are?
- More than you can count, Steve.
10
00:00:24,223 --> 00:00:26,383
Wow. 92.
11
00:00:27,057 --> 00:00:29,322
You are a stupid mother[Bleep].
12
00:00:29,323 --> 00:00:30,490
Yeah.
13
00:00:30,491 --> 00:00:31,858
Just one more question...
14
00:00:31,859 --> 00:00:36,294
How do we get the car
out of the planetarium?
15
00:00:36,295 --> 00:00:40,615
Same way we got this mother[Bleep] in.
16
00:00:45,637 --> 00:00:48,253
♪ Brickleberry!
17
00:00:48,254 --> 00:00:50,954
♪ Brickleberry!
18
00:00:53,785 --> 00:00:58,525
Rangers, listen up.
Today is a historic day.
19
00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:03,218
The world watches as man
prepares to land on Mars.
20
00:01:03,219 --> 00:01:04,280
Who cares?
21
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:07,121
It's the grand opening of
the Hazelhurst Mega Mall!
22
00:01:07,122 --> 00:01:09,722
500 stores, 200 different ones!
23
00:01:09,723 --> 00:01:11,124
A gigantic arcade!
24
00:01:11,125 --> 00:01:12,828
The world's largest food court,
25
00:01:12,829 --> 00:01:15,361
conveniently located right next
to the Lane Bryant superstore!
26
00:01:15,362 --> 00:01:18,865
Oh, my God, it's got everything I
want and new fat people to make fun of.
27
00:01:18,866 --> 00:01:20,135
I'll be in the car.
28
00:01:20,136 --> 00:01:23,969
Oh, cubbsie wubbs, everyone knows
bears aren't allowed in Malls.
29
00:01:23,970 --> 00:01:26,305
It's like how Filipinos
aren't allowed in libraries.
30
00:01:26,306 --> 00:01:30,566
- What?
- We all know they eat paper!
31
00:01:30,911 --> 00:01:35,291
This new Stephen King novel is terrible!
32
00:01:35,682 --> 00:01:38,372
As I was saying, I'm proud
to announce Brickleberry
33
00:01:38,373 --> 00:01:43,822
will be playing an important
role in the upcoming Mars landing.
34
00:01:43,823 --> 00:01:48,293
I wish I was going up there. I'd
get some green pussy. You know that.
35
00:01:48,294 --> 00:01:52,047
You see, Mount Brickleberry is
the highest point in the world.
36
00:01:52,048 --> 00:01:55,333
- That doesn't sound right.
- If it's on the brochure, it's true!
37
00:01:55,334 --> 00:01:58,196
Anyway, NASA is gonna be using our park
38
00:01:58,197 --> 00:02:00,941
as a key transmission
point for mission control.
39
00:02:00,942 --> 00:02:04,708
And that means them Indians at the base
of Mount Brickleberry have gotta go.
40
00:02:04,709 --> 00:02:07,535
But the brochure says the base of
the Mountain is their ancestral land.
41
00:02:07,536 --> 00:02:10,380
Yeah, the brochure also says we have
the highest Mountain in the world.
42
00:02:10,381 --> 00:02:13,249
- What are you, [Bleep] Stupid?
- You watch your [Bleep] Mouth!
43
00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:15,985
I'll rip your goddamn
head off, mother[Bleep]!
44
00:02:15,986 --> 00:02:18,254
Uh, sorry, Mr. Johnson.
45
00:02:18,255 --> 00:02:19,355
Yeah, I'm stupid.
46
00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:22,792
Hey, Steve, go tell them savages
they gotta move 'em heap quick.
47
00:02:22,793 --> 00:02:24,060
You got it, Sir.
48
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:27,630
Woody, forest resettlement of
Native Americans is just wrong.
49
00:02:27,631 --> 00:02:30,932
Don't question the U.S. government,
Missy! They know what they're doing.
50
00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:33,104
They did a bang-up
job planning 9-11,
51
00:02:33,105 --> 00:02:36,372
controlling our minds with fluoride in
the water, and turning Anderson Cooper gay!
52
00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:38,607
Anybody ever say you're a
bit of a conspiracy theorist?
53
00:02:38,608 --> 00:02:40,342
Ah, don't be ridiculous.
54
00:02:40,343 --> 00:02:43,022
How about that stunt you pulled
at your nephew's christening?
55
00:02:43,023 --> 00:02:45,499
I know there's a microphone
in here somewhere.
56
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:48,216
I know you can hear
me, you Soviet bastards.
57
00:02:48,217 --> 00:02:52,417
That's it... I'm going in after it!
58
00:02:52,429 --> 00:02:55,913
Woody doesn't know what he's talking
about. I can go to the Mall if I want to.
59
00:02:55,914 --> 00:02:58,403
- Hold it right there, buddy.
- Who are you supposed to be?
60
00:02:58,404 --> 00:03:00,389
I'm Todd Rollin, head of Mall Security.
61
00:03:00,390 --> 00:03:03,030
Wow! Head of Mall Security?
62
00:03:03,031 --> 00:03:05,899
Minimum wage and you get to
ride one of those cool Segways?
63
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:07,034
You don't sound impressed.
64
00:03:07,035 --> 00:03:10,289
I'm impressed by the way you manage
to sweat on something with wheels.
65
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:12,487
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going into the Mall.
66
00:03:12,488 --> 00:03:15,442
Oh, no, you're not. Everyone knows
bears aren't allowed in Malls.
67
00:03:15,443 --> 00:03:18,062
It's like how Malaysians
aren't allowed in shoe stores.
68
00:03:18,063 --> 00:03:22,563
- What?
- We all know they eat shoelaces.
69
00:03:23,584 --> 00:03:26,620
There is some really
obscure racism in this town.
70
00:03:26,621 --> 00:03:28,301
_.
71
00:03:32,195 --> 00:03:36,126
I am so sorry to have
to tell you this, but...
72
00:03:36,127 --> 00:03:37,753
Wait, tribal chairman?
73
00:03:37,754 --> 00:03:39,983
You're the Indian Chief, right?
74
00:03:39,984 --> 00:03:42,010
That's a stereotypical thing to assume.
75
00:03:42,011 --> 00:03:43,627
- How?
- How.
76
00:03:43,628 --> 00:03:47,007
- Are you here to push us off our land?
- No, no, no.
77
00:03:47,008 --> 00:03:49,542
I'm not. I'm here to buy your land.
78
00:03:49,543 --> 00:03:52,970
- $24 in beads sound good?
- We'll take it!
79
00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:54,803
Not so fast, Not-so-fast.
80
00:03:54,804 --> 00:03:58,223
We said we would not
make this mistake again.
81
00:03:58,224 --> 00:04:02,106
- You throw in closing costs.
- All right. You drive a hard bargain.
82
00:04:02,107 --> 00:04:05,714
- $26 in beads.
- Nice doing business with you.
83
00:04:05,715 --> 00:04:09,037
You guys are gonna enjoy
those. I tried them out myself.
84
00:04:09,038 --> 00:04:10,146
What do you mean?
85
00:04:10,147 --> 00:04:13,807
- They're anal beads.
- Pfft!
86
00:04:22,609 --> 00:04:24,040
Salutations.
87
00:04:24,041 --> 00:04:29,446
I am mission control Director
extraordinaire, Dr. Kurt Thoreau, PHD.
88
00:04:29,447 --> 00:04:34,051
Hi there. Head ranger excelente
Woody Johnson, B-I-G-D-I-C-K.
89
00:04:34,052 --> 00:04:36,953
And who is this fetching creature?
90
00:04:36,954 --> 00:04:38,889
Did you say fetching or felching?
91
00:04:38,890 --> 00:04:40,157
Uh, I'm Ethel.
92
00:04:40,158 --> 00:04:43,493
Do men with exceptional beards
make your fish flaps foamy?
93
00:04:43,494 --> 00:04:44,546
What?
94
00:04:44,547 --> 00:04:47,431
- Oof!
- Show me to my office at once.
95
00:04:47,432 --> 00:04:49,091
Well, the only office in there is mine.
96
00:04:49,092 --> 00:04:51,268
Agh! Listen here, nas-hole...
97
00:04:51,269 --> 00:04:57,149
I don't know who you think
you are... oof! Right this way.
98
00:04:59,973 --> 00:05:03,514
Steve, thank you for joining
us for our farewell powwow.
99
00:05:03,515 --> 00:05:06,042
No problem. I hope you like the beads.
100
00:05:06,043 --> 00:05:09,854
Oh, yes, wife bury them
where sun don't shine.
101
00:05:09,855 --> 00:05:11,322
In her ass.
102
00:05:11,323 --> 00:05:14,158
This was a lot of fun. Thanks
for hanging out with me all night.
103
00:05:14,159 --> 00:05:16,126
Bros before navajos.
104
00:05:16,127 --> 00:05:19,496
Our medicine man offers you a bowl
of Hikuri, the food of the Gods.
105
00:05:19,497 --> 00:05:21,899
Some say it lets you see the heavens.
106
00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:23,333
Now just take a small sip.
107
00:05:23,334 --> 00:05:24,733
It's very powerful.
108
00:05:24,734 --> 00:05:26,446
Ah. What?
109
00:05:26,447 --> 00:05:29,169
You just had 2,000 hits of pure peyote.
110
00:05:29,170 --> 00:05:31,073
It's not affecting me, ninja T-Rex.
111
00:05:31,074 --> 00:05:33,234
Hoo-ahh!
112
00:05:40,004 --> 00:05:42,344
Aaaaaahhhhh!
113
00:05:43,942 --> 00:05:46,942
I hate white people.
114
00:05:47,743 --> 00:05:51,077
♪ Oh, out with the
injuns, in with the spacemen.
115
00:05:51,078 --> 00:05:53,784
♪ NASA's the best,
gonna get us some press.
116
00:05:53,785 --> 00:05:55,252
You should be ashamed of yourself...
117
00:05:55,253 --> 00:05:58,230
Pushing the Native Americans off
their land just for a little publicity.
118
00:05:58,231 --> 00:05:59,533
Oh, calm down.
119
00:05:59,534 --> 00:06:02,294
The law of reparations
says they can claim any
120
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,961
land in their former
territory as their own.
121
00:06:04,962 --> 00:06:07,731
Those redskins can basically
live anywhere they want.
122
00:06:07,732 --> 00:06:10,612
Anywhere they want?
123
00:06:12,003 --> 00:06:14,838
- Who are you?
- I'm Malloy, talking bear.
124
00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:17,040
I knew his father,
Shits-in-woods.
125
00:06:17,041 --> 00:06:18,342
Listen, my people.
126
00:06:18,343 --> 00:06:21,954
It is time to stop being
pushed around by the white man
127
00:06:21,955 --> 00:06:26,149
and take the sacred land
that is rightfully ours.
128
00:06:26,150 --> 00:06:28,910
What sacred land?
129
00:06:31,422 --> 00:06:33,957
We bring talking bear more wampum.
130
00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:36,460
Orange Julius and bounty of cinnabon.
131
00:06:36,461 --> 00:06:39,797
Don't worry. I'll use
every part of the cinnabon.
132
00:06:39,798 --> 00:06:42,281
I hope you paid the white
man with much suffering.
133
00:06:42,282 --> 00:06:44,535
No, we paid with discover card.
134
00:06:44,536 --> 00:06:46,604
What? What kind of Indians are you?
135
00:06:46,605 --> 00:06:49,473
Not the good kind.
136
00:06:49,474 --> 00:06:51,442
Okay, I'm leaving now.
137
00:06:51,443 --> 00:06:55,280
This is our land. If we want something
from the white man, we take it.
138
00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:57,036
After we ask nicely?
139
00:06:57,037 --> 00:06:58,950
No! The white man is our enemy!
140
00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:01,322
He stole our land, he
murdered our people.
141
00:07:01,323 --> 00:07:03,912
And he told us we can't
come into their Malls!
142
00:07:03,913 --> 00:07:06,257
Just because we're bears!
143
00:07:06,258 --> 00:07:08,493
I don't remember that last part.
144
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:10,295
Just go with it. He's on a roll.
145
00:07:10,296 --> 00:07:16,196
It's time someone taught you
guys how to act like real Indians.
146
00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:19,580
- Aah!
- Aah!
147
00:07:31,183 --> 00:07:33,552
Get ready for magic time, people.
148
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:37,655
I'll actually be guiding the
astronauts down as we speak.
149
00:07:37,656 --> 00:07:39,557
Mission control, this is Apollo.
150
00:07:39,558 --> 00:07:41,993
We are go for landing in four...
151
00:07:41,994 --> 00:07:43,434
Three...
152
00:07:43,435 --> 00:07:45,415
Two...
153
00:07:45,998 --> 00:07:46,998
One.
154
00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:49,200
Extend pods. And...
155
00:07:49,201 --> 00:07:51,069
Magic!
156
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:52,337
And we have touchdown.
157
00:07:52,338 --> 00:07:54,639
We have landed on Mars.
158
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,774
Kurt Thoreau, everyone.
159
00:07:56,775 --> 00:07:58,343
How is Steve missing this?
160
00:07:58,344 --> 00:08:00,779
Where the hell is he?
161
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:04,560
Get away from me, octopus mime!
162
00:08:18,267 --> 00:08:19,698
Agh!
163
00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:21,559
Aah!
164
00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:25,104
I think you'll like the first
words man will say on Mars.
165
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:27,139
I composed them myself.
166
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:32,660
That was one small step for
man and one giant... shit!
167
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:41,086
We can easily reattach these as long
as we're very, very careful with them...
168
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:42,087
Whoa!
169
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:46,559
So that's why we shouldn't
put those in here.
170
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,895
Wait a minute. That fat
alien looks like Steve.
171
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:51,017
That fat alien is Steve.
172
00:08:51,018 --> 00:08:52,866
How'd Steve get to Mars?
173
00:08:52,867 --> 00:08:54,467
Steve isn't on Mars.
174
00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:56,436
That means the Mars landing...
175
00:08:56,437 --> 00:08:59,762
It's all a goddamn fake!
176
00:08:59,763 --> 00:09:00,940
I knew it!
177
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:04,761
We're ass-deep in the
biggest conspiracy ever!
178
00:09:04,762 --> 00:09:06,278
Guards, seize them!
179
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:07,676
Oh, what?
180
00:09:07,677 --> 00:09:13,577
You actors gonna hold us hostage
with a bunch of phony prop guns?
181
00:09:13,622 --> 00:09:16,047
Wow, that's realistic.
182
00:09:16,048 --> 00:09:18,748
Fake brains too.
183
00:09:23,417 --> 00:09:27,087
Um, uh, mission control,
what the hell do we do?
184
00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:29,497
You're actors. Improvise.
185
00:09:29,498 --> 00:09:33,098
Holy moly, it's a genuine...
186
00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:35,248
Alien.
187
00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:36,404
Ugh...
188
00:09:36,405 --> 00:09:38,372
Oh, I can't breathe...
189
00:09:38,373 --> 00:09:40,390
In this space air.
190
00:09:40,391 --> 00:09:42,376
I'll save you.
191
00:09:42,377 --> 00:09:44,537
Ugh! Uh!
192
00:09:44,646 --> 00:09:46,480
Well, it's not what I planned.
193
00:09:46,481 --> 00:09:49,483
It's better. I didn't
just fake a Mars landing.
194
00:09:49,484 --> 00:09:51,344
I faked a martian.
195
00:09:51,345 --> 00:09:54,854
You see? I'm not just Kurt
Thoreau, rocket scientist.
196
00:09:54,855 --> 00:09:59,679
I'm also Kurt Thoreau,
master showman and Director!
197
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:03,432
I'll bet the ratings will top
our fake lunar landing in '69.
198
00:10:03,433 --> 00:10:05,499
So you're saying that Neil Armstrong...
199
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:09,783
Was an alcoholic out of work birthday
clown before I discovered him.
200
00:10:09,784 --> 00:10:12,285
So you're saying all
government employees are actors?
201
00:10:12,286 --> 00:10:15,771
I'm a government employee. Am I
an actor? Are there cameras here?
202
00:10:15,772 --> 00:10:18,140
Are people watching me right now?
203
00:10:18,141 --> 00:10:20,974
Who am I kidding?
10:30 on Tuesday night.
204
00:10:20,975 --> 00:10:22,594
Nobody's watching this shit.
205
00:10:22,595 --> 00:10:25,074
Only NASA knows. No one else.
206
00:10:25,075 --> 00:10:27,477
Not even the President.
207
00:10:27,478 --> 00:10:30,480
After this mission is over, I'm
throwing you all in space prison.
208
00:10:30,481 --> 00:10:33,123
Yay! Is that like space camp?
209
00:10:33,124 --> 00:10:37,264
Yes, but with just a tad more rape.
210
00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,989
The Hazelhurst Mega
Mall is currently under
211
00:10:40,990 --> 00:10:43,998
siege by a group of
Indians and a small bear.
212
00:10:43,999 --> 00:10:46,530
But who gives a shit about
that? We've got martian updates.
213
00:10:46,531 --> 00:10:49,919
In a shocking move, for purposes
of research, Dr. Kurt Thoreau,
214
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:53,170
has ordered the astronauts to bring
the martian back to our planet.
215
00:10:53,171 --> 00:10:54,653
Roger, mission control.
216
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:58,476
We have subdued the martian with,
uh, alien-holding space rope.
217
00:10:58,477 --> 00:11:00,011
Vroom, vroom, vroom!
218
00:11:00,012 --> 00:11:01,992
Vroom!
219
00:11:05,284 --> 00:11:07,352
I hope they make it back okay.
220
00:11:07,353 --> 00:11:12,333
Hey, guard, can you shoot
this fat, dumb bitch?
221
00:11:12,453 --> 00:11:14,926
The capsule will be
touching down any minute now.
222
00:11:14,927 --> 00:11:19,497
But be warned... when it enters the
atmosphere, it will make a brilliant flash!
223
00:11:19,498 --> 00:11:25,138
Everyone, close your eyes or
it will instantly blind you.
224
00:11:30,542 --> 00:11:32,719
Ker-splash! It's here.
225
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:34,512
You can open your eyes.
226
00:11:34,513 --> 00:11:36,150
Smiles, everyone.
227
00:11:36,151 --> 00:11:41,311
We're about to greet a
friend from another world.
228
00:11:45,099 --> 00:11:46,766
Wh... where am I?
229
00:11:46,767 --> 00:11:49,602
Why am I covered in mud and naked?
230
00:11:49,603 --> 00:11:51,604
This hasn't happened since space camp.
231
00:11:51,605 --> 00:11:54,812
Uh, we must get him into
isolation before our...
232
00:11:54,813 --> 00:11:59,655
Earth atmosphere of .7
gives him acute failure of...
233
00:11:59,656 --> 00:12:03,316
He's going to eat our dicks!
234
00:12:03,451 --> 00:12:06,211
♪ Bring it on.
235
00:12:07,967 --> 00:12:11,691
Marshmallow peeps and Cadbury egg
now property of Chief talking bear.
236
00:12:11,692 --> 00:12:15,292
Hey, those are for the kids.
237
00:12:17,297 --> 00:12:18,497
You were right.
238
00:12:18,498 --> 00:12:21,266
Taking land and killing
white man is fun.
239
00:12:21,267 --> 00:12:23,569
You know, you guys have come a long way.
240
00:12:23,570 --> 00:12:26,572
We should have embraced our
stereotype many years ago.
241
00:12:26,573 --> 00:12:29,542
- Uh-uh-uh-uh.
- Uh, many moons ago.
242
00:12:29,543 --> 00:12:32,678
Listen, you. This is a
mall. You can't live here.
243
00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:35,547
I'm giving you one hour to vacate
and get rid of all the horseshit.
244
00:12:35,548 --> 00:12:38,214
I can't control what Panda
Express puts on its menu.
245
00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:39,985
Get out now!
246
00:12:39,986 --> 00:12:42,836
You have dishonored my
people long enough, Todd.
247
00:12:42,837 --> 00:12:46,377
We will fight for our land!
248
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:54,537
Can someone please tell me where
the Pepperidge Farm kiosk is?
249
00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:58,548
I smell pennies all of a sudden.
250
00:13:00,517 --> 00:13:04,109
So this is my secret government base.
251
00:13:04,110 --> 00:13:06,545
Any drips from the tap?
252
00:13:06,546 --> 00:13:09,315
Just tell me what you
plan to do with Steve.
253
00:13:09,316 --> 00:13:12,556
Oh. We won't hurt him.
254
00:13:13,553 --> 00:13:15,487
Why are you doing experiments on him?
255
00:13:15,488 --> 00:13:17,289
Hey, I thought you were all actors.
256
00:13:17,290 --> 00:13:20,225
Oh, he's not an actor. He's
one of America's top scientists.
257
00:13:20,226 --> 00:13:23,462
Fooled by my magic like
everyone else in the country!
258
00:13:23,463 --> 00:13:26,264
- When are you gonna let Steve go?
- I'm afraid I can't do that.
259
00:13:26,265 --> 00:13:29,501
If anyone finds out he's not a
real alien my career will be over.
260
00:13:29,502 --> 00:13:31,716
- I'll be convicted of fraud.
- What do you mean?
261
00:13:31,717 --> 00:13:34,763
I mean your friend will
not leave this base alive.
262
00:13:34,764 --> 00:13:36,642
Ever!
263
00:13:36,643 --> 00:13:41,094
Now, it's time for the
bowling pin in the anus test.
264
00:13:41,095 --> 00:13:43,855
♪ Bring it on.
265
00:13:46,687 --> 00:13:50,056
We've got them on the run.
266
00:13:50,057 --> 00:13:54,617
There they are at the
last custard stand!
267
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:04,663
Yay!
268
00:14:04,664 --> 00:14:06,524
Agh!
269
00:14:08,543 --> 00:14:11,439
I can't believe they're doing
those painful experiments on Steve.
270
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:15,048
Well, after a childhood like his, it's
probably the only way he can climax.
271
00:14:15,049 --> 00:14:17,243
- That's you, Woody.
- Yeah, that... that is me.
272
00:14:17,244 --> 00:14:20,420
We can't let them do this to
Steve. We need a plan to rescue him.
273
00:14:20,421 --> 00:14:23,456
Thoreau has his eyes on Steve 24/7.
274
00:14:23,457 --> 00:14:25,692
We need to distract him
so we can bust Steve out.
275
00:14:25,693 --> 00:14:27,794
- But how?
- Ethel, you can do it.
276
00:14:27,795 --> 00:14:29,495
How am I supposed to distract him?
277
00:14:29,496 --> 00:14:31,998
I've got an idea.
278
00:14:31,999 --> 00:14:34,057
Three, two...
279
00:14:34,058 --> 00:14:35,403
And one.
280
00:14:35,404 --> 00:14:37,303
We have contact.
281
00:14:37,304 --> 00:14:39,719
Do you have to narrate everything?
282
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:43,407
Affirmative. Rotating
thruster 30 degrees.
283
00:14:43,408 --> 00:14:45,978
Open the pod bay doors.
284
00:14:45,979 --> 00:14:48,167
Docking in 59...
285
00:14:48,168 --> 00:14:49,625
58...
286
00:14:49,626 --> 00:14:51,293
57...
287
00:14:51,294 --> 00:14:53,094
56.
288
00:14:54,654 --> 00:14:57,522
Ugh, I hope what I just did was worth...
289
00:14:57,523 --> 00:14:58,432
Yahtzee!
290
00:14:58,433 --> 00:15:01,135
What the hell are you guys
doing? Did you rescue Steve?
291
00:15:01,136 --> 00:15:02,561
What? That was tonight?
292
00:15:02,562 --> 00:15:05,931
Oh, I'm sorry. Guess we got
caught up playing... yahtzee!
293
00:15:05,932 --> 00:15:06,932
I'm on a roll!
294
00:15:06,933 --> 00:15:11,539
So I just slept with a disgusting
asshole douche bag for nothing?
295
00:15:11,540 --> 00:15:13,187
Isn't anyone gonna say anything?
296
00:15:13,188 --> 00:15:17,015
Uh, well, normally this is where Malloy
would jump in with something like...
297
00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:20,207
Yeah, but how's that different
from your typical Tuesday?
298
00:15:20,208 --> 00:15:22,528
No, I think it'd be more
like, you did it for nothing?
299
00:15:22,529 --> 00:15:24,382
Usually you get Taco Bell out of it.
300
00:15:24,383 --> 00:15:26,751
Or something like, disgusting asshole?
301
00:15:26,752 --> 00:15:28,352
You mean you finally slept with Connie?
302
00:15:28,353 --> 00:15:30,621
- Oh, yeah, that's it.
- Slut.
303
00:15:30,622 --> 00:15:32,189
Oh, yeah, yuk it up.
304
00:15:32,190 --> 00:15:35,926
I just banged a guy who calls
his penis the USS enter-thighs.
305
00:15:35,927 --> 00:15:38,962
Man, what a loser. Naming
his junk after Star Trek.
306
00:15:38,963 --> 00:15:41,431
Ain't that right, Hung Solo?
307
00:15:41,432 --> 00:15:43,933
Sorry, Ethel. We can't
get past the guards.
308
00:15:43,934 --> 00:15:47,203
Steve is in real danger here.
Kurt can't hide him forever.
309
00:15:47,204 --> 00:15:49,477
And if he lets him go,
NASA will be exposed.
310
00:15:49,478 --> 00:15:51,391
So do you think he's gonna kill Steve?
311
00:15:51,392 --> 00:15:55,021
I don't know, but if he does, I
bet it'll be a ratings bonanza.
312
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:58,895
I am sorry to report that the
martian has contracted an Earth virus.
313
00:15:58,896 --> 00:16:01,852
And he appears to be... dying!
314
00:16:01,853 --> 00:16:04,354
Dr. Thoreau, can you tell
us what disease it is?
315
00:16:04,355 --> 00:16:07,557
He's got whatever made E.T. all
white and dried out and gross.
316
00:16:07,558 --> 00:16:09,960
How much time does the alien have left?
317
00:16:09,961 --> 00:16:12,220
Impossible to predict, but...
318
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:15,632
He'll definitely be dead
before primetime tonight.
319
00:16:15,633 --> 00:16:18,034
Tonight at 9:00, live on PBS!
320
00:16:18,035 --> 00:16:22,078
Witness history as we show
you a real live alien autopsy!
321
00:16:22,079 --> 00:16:23,240
Oh, my God.
322
00:16:23,241 --> 00:16:28,611
Yes, we'll finally get to
see what's inside a Mexican!
323
00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:33,149
Okay, so poof, we get in, grab
Steve, and then poof, we out.
324
00:16:33,150 --> 00:16:37,153
Does anybody have a plan that doesn't
involve Nightcrawler from the X-Men?
325
00:16:37,154 --> 00:16:39,188
Or any of the other X-Men?
326
00:16:39,189 --> 00:16:42,357
We need to get serious. His
autopsy's only a couple of hours away.
327
00:16:42,358 --> 00:16:45,729
Yeah, and with, like, an hour for dinner
and dessert, that won't leave us much time.
328
00:16:45,730 --> 00:16:47,837
We'd need an Army to take Thoreau down.
329
00:16:47,838 --> 00:16:51,802
That's it! Okay, I've got a plan,
but we need to get past the guards.
330
00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:54,460
We need to bribe them or
something so they'll let us go.
331
00:16:54,461 --> 00:16:57,708
What the hell are we gonna bribe
a bunch of Hollywood actors with?
332
00:16:57,709 --> 00:17:00,589
I've got an idea.
333
00:17:01,046 --> 00:17:05,066
Why the hell did I agree to this?
334
00:17:05,366 --> 00:17:07,693
And that's why we need your help.
335
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:10,347
Why would my people help
the white man and Denzel?
336
00:17:10,348 --> 00:17:12,883
Look, we need an Army
to help us rescue Steve.
337
00:17:12,884 --> 00:17:15,119
If you help us, we'll
give you your land back.
338
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:16,821
That sounds like a great idea.
339
00:17:16,822 --> 00:17:19,156
No! That place was a shithole!
340
00:17:19,157 --> 00:17:21,659
How could we leave our beautiful land?
341
00:17:21,660 --> 00:17:25,620
Our land not so beautiful anymore.
342
00:17:28,234 --> 00:17:31,414
Goddamn [Bleep] Indians!
343
00:17:36,370 --> 00:17:38,779
Yes! It's still here!
344
00:17:38,780 --> 00:17:42,729
PBS alien autopsy live is
brought to you by Lane Bryant.
345
00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:46,599
Covering up fat chicks so you
don't have to look at them.
346
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,316
Now we don't know what
organs this alien will have.
347
00:17:49,317 --> 00:17:52,452
His chest cavity could be
full of facehuggers or candy.
348
00:17:52,453 --> 00:17:54,913
Well, let's find out.
349
00:17:54,914 --> 00:17:56,223
Ah!
350
00:17:56,224 --> 00:18:00,227
Attention, Earth. You have
abducted one of our martian people.
351
00:18:00,228 --> 00:18:04,030
- We demand his immediate...
- Hey, ma, look at your boy! I'm on TV!
352
00:18:04,031 --> 00:18:06,594
Hey, yo, I wanna give a
shout to my cool friends gang,
353
00:18:06,595 --> 00:18:08,618
my Cousin Kinishia... I love you, baby.
354
00:18:08,619 --> 00:18:10,704
Deshawn. Stay your dumb ass in school.
355
00:18:10,705 --> 00:18:13,340
My boy, Burbel. Hey, what's
up, boy? Whatcha doing?
356
00:18:13,341 --> 00:18:15,113
Hey, Charles, gimme my tires back, man!
357
00:18:15,114 --> 00:18:16,209
Denzel!
358
00:18:16,210 --> 00:18:19,046
What's happening? Switch
it off. Switch it off!
359
00:18:19,047 --> 00:18:21,215
I'm trying, Dr. Thoreau. I can't.
360
00:18:21,216 --> 00:18:23,260
It's like they tapped into our feed.
361
00:18:23,261 --> 00:18:26,504
If you do not return our
brother safely to our planet
362
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:30,758
you will face the wrath
of our Martian Army.
363
00:18:30,759 --> 00:18:36,659
And then you will be Jupiter fisted
to death by our hideous space monster.
364
00:18:40,668 --> 00:18:43,369
Trying to beat me at my own game, eh?
365
00:18:43,370 --> 00:18:44,704
I'll show them.
366
00:18:44,705 --> 00:18:46,405
Doctor, operate!
367
00:18:46,406 --> 00:18:48,359
But I don't want to get
Jupiter fisted to death.
368
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:51,243
I don't even know what that is, but
my first three guesses are horrible.
369
00:18:51,244 --> 00:18:53,045
Oh, fine. I'll do it.
370
00:18:53,046 --> 00:18:54,956
Sir, it's the President.
371
00:18:54,957 --> 00:18:57,149
Hello? Mr. President?
372
00:18:57,150 --> 00:19:02,106
I understand that you don't wanna get
Jupiter fisted to death, Sir, but...
373
00:19:02,107 --> 00:19:04,117
As you wish, Sir.
374
00:19:04,118 --> 00:19:06,758
That's a wrap.
375
00:19:07,522 --> 00:19:12,960
On behalf of Earth people, I
hereby return your space brother.
376
00:19:12,961 --> 00:19:18,001
Hey, until further notice,
this invasion is over.
377
00:19:18,166 --> 00:19:20,298
Welcome back, Steve.
378
00:19:20,299 --> 00:19:22,651
No! Don't leave me with these Martians!
379
00:19:22,652 --> 00:19:25,832
Take me back to Earth!
380
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:31,803
What the [Bleep]?
381
00:19:34,515 --> 00:19:38,986
If you can't take the reservation to the
Mall, take the Mall to the reservation.
382
00:19:38,987 --> 00:19:42,890
- How.
- What do you mean how? We already did it.
383
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:45,459
Oh, you're going away for a long time.
384
00:19:45,460 --> 00:19:50,163
You'll be doing a ten-year
production of backside story.
385
00:19:50,164 --> 00:19:51,698
Woody Johnson, everybody.
386
00:19:51,699 --> 00:19:53,166
It was all worth it.
387
00:19:53,167 --> 00:19:56,904
We almost got better ratings
than that Betty White prank show.
388
00:19:56,905 --> 00:20:00,975
Hey, that's my favorite show. It
makes me laugh hard and get hard.
389
00:20:00,976 --> 00:20:03,695
Hey, watch the cape.
390
00:20:03,696 --> 00:20:06,564
I can't believe everything
we know about space is a lie.
391
00:20:06,565 --> 00:20:09,050
Do you ever think we'll find
out what's really out there?
392
00:20:09,051 --> 00:20:10,849
I don't know, Steve.
393
00:20:10,850 --> 00:20:15,050
But I know what I'd like it to be.
394
00:20:18,337 --> 00:20:24,237
Sync & corrections by P2Pfiend.
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