Original subtitles

All clear, Mr. DeNosso.

After all these years, you can never be too careful.

That's why I made it as far as I did all these years.

I'll get it.

Christmas is coming.

The snowflakes will be falling. It's the most wonderful time of year.

Don't hang up. You're talking.

Put the pencil on the tree. The rest of Christmas is coming, my

dear.

It's the only time of year the wretches fly.

You can't be them unless they ride across the sky.

I've got mistletoe that needs to be put to good use, Dean.

Don't you think that's better suited for your husband, Mrs. Donato?

You're always turning me down.

I don't do marriage.

Oh, but you do everything else from what I hear from the maid.

Your husband owns the cement company.

I can only imagine what he would do if he found out I betrayed him.

Yeah, well, he also owns you.

And since we have joint custody of everything, that makes you half mine.

Your husband's waiting for me.

And that I want you to be savoring my best body.

I'm definitely allergic to nuts.

But even if I wasn't...

It was never going to happen between you and me, Ms.

Centenozo.

You're finished.

Mona.

Where did you used to hang out before you joined the Witness Production

Barza Pianos. Yeah, so where do you think your ex would look for you if he

wanted to find you?

I get where you're going, okay? It's just... I miss playing.

I miss being seen.

Hanging out in the apartment is so...

Boring. I know, I get it. You can't be the person you were before with Zach.

Fine. I'm taking you shopping.

Where are you going? Your shit just started.

It just ended.

I'm going back to the piano.

She's coming with me.

Very clever.

Interesting.

You hid the goods inside the nuts, considering.

Well, that's why I'm not tempted to pocket a few.

Aren't you a funny guy?

Giovanni's putting the other bags under the Christmas tree.

Good. We'll pass them out tonight at the party.

How long have you been with me?

Ten years.

Six years longer than my current wife.

I've always been able to count on you.

But above everything else, I value loyalty.

Although I'm not as glamorous like your father was.

We developed a father -son type of loyalty, huh?

I'm going to tell Dino.

Thank you, sir.

Our associates are going to love their gifts.

Hey, honey, the feds are going to see us now, huh? We do see you, Albert and

Oslo. This is a raid. You're under arrest.

I'm not charged.

Smuggling and murder.

Murder? I'm an undercover agent.

Oh, that can't possibly be true.

When did this alleged murder take place?

Tuesday night, between 7 and 8.

Well, my husband was with me.

We had an early evening, and we were in bed watching game shows.

He likes the spinning wheel.

I suggest you focus on him.

Dean, how could you? Murder?

How's it going in there?

Abominably. I never... be caught dead in an ugly Christmas sweater.

That's the point.

Mona, if I'm going to keep you safe... I'm not kidding.

Mona, I'm serious.

Okay, okay. You are very talented.

That's how I met my ex, you know.

Yeah. He said I was a siren.

I never thought I'd end up singing in the fits about him.

I'm sorry, Jesse.

I really do appreciate all you do for me.

I know it's hard being

alone, especially on Christmas.

Let me see if you have music.

What are you doing for Christmas?

Oh, I, um... Why don't you come and hang out with me?

We can, I don't know, make sugar cookies and drink wine.

Oh, that's a very sweet offer, Mona.

Maybe if I'm not working.

Well, you and you alone know where to find me.

That's right.

Agent Chen.

Temple. I need you for an assignment ASAP. How ASAP?

Tomorrow. But it's only for a week. Okay.

We need you to sit on a witness until he testifies against Albert DeNozzo on

December 27th. I heard about the bus.

Congratulations. Thanks.

Name is Dean Kupo.

The only way the charges will stick is with his testimony.

He was reluctant to turn until his boss tried to pin a murder on him.

It's either you or Agent Harris.

I see.

Agent Harris has a family and it's Christmas.

Email me everything you have on Google.

Thanks, Jessie.

Meet me at the diner tomorrow at 0800.

Here's your new cover identity.

Be sure to look it over.

Will do.

It's important you follow protocol for your safety.

Yeah, sure thing.

I'm gonna grab some more coffee.

Oh, bye.

Hey, man, I've had enough of you.

Sorry, sir.

Officer! That I'm really, really sorry.

The Incubo.

Meet Federal Marshal Jesse Temple.

Quite an entry.

Hmm. Nutmeg with, uh, I think it's a cinnamon.

Intrigue?

Annoyed.

Marshal Temple will be babysitting you in the next few days. Her? Just her?

My fate is in the hands of a chick who can't duck?

No offense.

Well, I'm past that.

Her track record is stellar.

She's all yours, Temple.

Merry Christmas.

Agent Chen.

You have to feed on your new profile?

Yeah, I'll get around to it.

Sure you do.

So, what five -star hotel are we going to be hanging out at for Christmas?

I've got fond memories of Penthouse Suite and Honolulu.

Lucky you.

As long as it's got a pool, a jacuzzi, a bar, some movie channels, I'm good to

go. We'll go where Uncle Sam tells you to go.

I'm turning state's evidence for you guys.

Taking down Denazo should be worth keeping your start when this happens.

The goal isn't keeping a low -level criminal like you, Mr.

Kupo.

Keeping the target off your back.

Oh, and you're going to keep me safe.

Oh, darling.

How you holding up? What do you think I'm holding up? I know, sugar.

God, can you believe that rat turned on you?

If I go down, you'll lose everything.

Oh, we are not going to let that happen.

We are not going to let some Adonis looking twit take us down.

What do you suggest?

I'll figure it out.

And I will handle it.

You got to make it look like an accident.

No guns.

We can't have this type back to us. Of course, darling.

I'll put Rudy on it.

Careful.

Take a walk.

You got any smokes?

Fresh out, buddy.

I'll take you every night I want. Go get me some.

Here. The gateway in.

You're joking, right?

I don't joke on duty.

I don't think you joke when you're off duty. This is a controlled environment

where I can track who comes and who goes.

What do you know?

I bet they don't even have soap.

Happy holidays.

I'm Thelma.

Welcome to the Gateway Inn.

Thank you. Reservation 100.

Temple.

You're Jesse Temple?

Yes.

And? I'm Dean. Derek.

Derek. Derek.

My brother.

Right, the brother.

The wayward brother.

If you're that wayward, I could get you your own room.

We have lots of vacancy.

Oh, I think the Galaxy Room is giant. fine for us, sibling.

Yeah, we're very close.

Wow.

You got some moves, Jesse Temple.

I'll teach you sometime.

You almost blew our cover.

We better take this seriously.

Okay, I got it. And if you ever touch me again, I will snap your wrist like a

dead branch on a Christmas tree.

God, I'm kidding.

Well...

We got your stuff.

Oh, good.

I could use a shower.

You need to follow me in here?

Because there's room for two. Oh, enough room for you and your ego?

Oh,

you, uh... Let's bring it to the other side.

Are you implying that because I'm not following through your tired Casanova

routine that I'm not attracted to men?

By the way, having a mugshot and a resume that warrants a future of three

and a cot?

No real big turn on.

I always went down the river myself, you know.

And then Denaza made you an offer you couldn't refuse?

He recruited me after my father passed away.

In prison?

I had to pay back his debt to make sure my mom was safe.

Your mom moved on.

She remarried.

Yeah, I'm an accountant.

Boring, but at least it's taken care of.

Wait, how do you know about my mom?

All part of the job.

Must be a grind.

Why don't you take a bed? I'll sleep on the couch.

It is a grind.

Which is why I'm on the couch near the door with a weapon to protect you.

Would you take a bullet for me?

Unfortunately, yes.

Unfortunately? What do you want me to do? Yay. I mean, so far your behavior,

other than your preceding testimony, doesn't exactly warrant a solid solo

But I get a yes.

A yes that you would take a bullet for me.

Yes, you get a yes with an unfortunately preceding yes.

Oh, dial back to me, GoPro.

I'd literally take a bullet for any and all of my witnesses.

It's in the job description.

I love Christmas lights.

Well, come give me a hand, wayward brother.

Life is short.

Like you said, I could end up in the slammer.

A life of three hots and a cough.

This could be my last opportunity to go string some Christmas lights. May I?

Please?

Where do I find you?

I love when you see this, Velma.

It's going to be amazing.

Hey, Mona.

Everything okay?

Yeah, sorry to bother you.

I was bored and almost left to go to a bar and thought better of it.

Glad you resisted the urge.

Why don't you come over for a glass of wine?

Mona, I'd love to, but I'm working.

You making them wear ugly Christmas sweaters, too?

Well, I should.

Very well.

Uh, he?

He's a handful.

A basket of glazed donuts?

Handful? Or taking out smelly garbage? Handful.

I'm not sure.

Alleged crime boss Albert DeNozzo was arrested this week, charged with

and the murder.

of an undercover federal agent, given Donoso's longtime rumors involving

organized crime and the seriousness of these charges.

A federal judge came out today and decided not to grant bail, so the

will likely be spending Christmas behind bars. Now, Donoso has longtime evaded

criminal prosecution, decades now, but that might change here because the

Justice Department is rumored to have a witness.

In protective custody, a former mom lieutenant who was set to give sworn

testimony right after Christmas.

At a press conference today, DOJ spokesperson Alyssa Bonchik said...

Oh,

I'll make it look like an accident.

But this one...

Never leave home without.

Lights will be coming on.

Hey, Jamie.

What's the deal with all Christmas lights, babe?

Lights are happy, bright, festive.

Some people like fireworks. For me, it's all about Christmas lights.

And let there be lights.

That's very pretty.

You know, if you're into that, Happy Christmas movie type pretty?

What are you talking about? This is way better.

Okay, you know what you're doing.

What can I say?

I know how to turn things on.

Does everything with you always have to be so sexual?

I guess that's just what I'm known for.

You've been known for other things.

What do you want to do for dinner?

Is there one next to dinner?

I took the liberty of ordering you something.

My treat for helping me earlier.

I hope you like burgers.

Thelma, that is so sweet. Thank you.

And your movie channel's turned on now.

I bet my affection for burgers wasn't mentioned in my dossier.

Nuts. Is the only food item highlighted?

No.

So, what do you want to watch?

Oh, I don't know.

You better tell me or I'm going to put on one of those holiday romance movies.

God, no. Please.

What do you want to watch?

I like Homer.

But, like, classic horror. The British one. From the 50s and 60s.

I love those.

The bobbin' dolls are the better.

Sure it is.

So why horror?

My grandfather and I used to watch them together.

That's sweet.

Oh, hey, see this one?

Attack of the Mummies?

Yeah, it's awesome.

What do you think?

You have to really inhabit the character of the mummy.

Did you ever dress up as a mummy for Halloween?

I could probably direct that movie.

Can't hear the movie.

I know, but turn the volume up. Okay, all right.

Here comes the good part.

I know the thing.

Remember Aliens?

You're ruining the movie.

The claw, it's gonna get you.

Oh, movie's over.

Bedtime already.

Yeah. Yeah.

Bye,

Jesse.

You're not very good at amusing yourself, are you?

Amusement is best shared with someone nubile and agile. I

get it.

Have you ever had a relationship that wasn't shallow and meaningless?

Have you ever had a relationship that was shallow and meaningless?

No.

That's your problem.

I don't have a problem.

You are wound up tighter than a Christmas drum.

I need to relax.

I take my job and the safety of the people I care for very seriously.

We can't just hole up in this motel room forever.

Well, lucky for you, your gal Selma loaded you up on cable.

Life is meant to be lived, not watched.

Can't we just go down to that little mall down the street?

I bet they have some clothing stores.

And what is that supposed to mean?

Well, we're supposed to be undercover, right?

You reek of law enforcement.

And Drab really doesn't do much for your form.

What do you suggest?

Drabby stilettos?

That would be a start.

So what's the latest?

I should hear any moment.

That the call was delivered.

And that the name has been crossed off the naughty list.

You remember what I told you? You have to make it look like an accident.

This cannot be tied back to us in any way, sweetheart. Otherwise, you're going

to get implicated too.

That naughty boy is the only one who stands in the way of you being home for

Year's. And he won't be standing much longer.

That's a promise.

Alright, a quick hot cocoa and we're...

out of here.

Oh, don't you want to tell Santa what you want for Christmas?

There is no Santa Claus.

Sad real days in that funny pumpkin. Well, reality hit me when it was funny.

You siblings, don't you know that about each other already?

Correct. We just like to rehash.

Our Santa Claus won 20 grand on a scratch ticket, took off for the Bahamas

play golf.

So there is no Santa Claus.

My brother here would make a great Santa.

Don't you think, bro? No, no, no. I'm very particular of who sits on my lap.

I highly doubt that. I think he'd make a marvelous Santa Claus.

With the kind of magic you create with Christmas lights, just think of the joy

you could bring to kids.

This Christmas vacation was just supposed to be me and my sis.

Safe and sound, remember?

Yeah.

Yeah, but wearing a big red suit with a long white beard, you'd be

unrecognizable.

I can't do anything without her.

Take it to your house.

Look at me.

You're the one who wanted to venture out.

I look ridiculous.

Well, think of this as a lesson in humility.

I don't need humbling.

Yeah, you do.

And you're the one that said life should be lived and not watched.

Well, at least I'm not the only one that looks ridiculous.

Why are you hiding your gun in that outfit?

None of your business.

Elves should be happier.

That's a humbug.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

I don't know what I'm doing.

What do you mean?

Didn't you visit Stanso when you were little?

No.

My dad was in and out of prison.

And my mom worked two jobs just to keep us afloat.

So we never really did Christmas.

But you make magic with Christmas lights.

I was afraid of the dark when I was little.

So my mom would bring Christmas lights in my bedroom.

I see.

Ask the kids what they want for Christmas and watch them light up.

You can do this, Dean.

I believe in you.

I'm going to do this.

We can do this.

I will be right by your side.

Ready,

Santa? Absolutely.

Ho, ho, ho.

Come on, switch the kitties.

Arthur,

this is Santa.

Hello, Arthur.

Come on up here.

So listen, Santa hasn't been in town for very long.

Do you know where he can get some pizza and some beer?

Do you like pizza?

Oh, I love pizza.

And hamburgers and french fries and chicken fingers.

I love chicken fingers.

Santa, why don't you ask Arthur what he wants for Christmas?

You could bring me a whole bunch of chicken fingers.

Well, I could probably do that.

Yay, chicken fingers.

Okay, Arthur.

Say bye to Santa.

Bye, Santa.

See you, kid. And Merry Christmas.

Thank you.

Chicken fingers and beer. Leave me.

Hey, Santa. My dad told me to tell you to go to the dude's off chat room for

pizza, burgers, fries, chicken fingers, and beer.

Cool, dude.

Thanks.

Merry Christmas.

Hey, since you wrote me into playing Santa Claus, the least you could do is

me a drink.

Still on duty?

24 -7 when I'm with you.

What's the status?

I'll knock it out of the park.

Well, you better.

Or else.

Threats don't motivate me.

Don't make me put you on the naughty list.

Message received.

Hey, guys.

What can I get you two?

I'll take a drop of beer. Any local pale ale will do. And a Shirley Temple for

the little lady.

Hold the cherry.

How's your sausage pizza?

It's good. I make the pizzas myself.

Well, we'll definitely have a little bit of that.

Anything else you need, you let me know, baby doll.

Oh, I caught you laughing.

Can't have that while you're working.

You want to play?

Sure.

It's hard to make the interesting.

Every shot you miss, you have to answer a personal question.

Why do you want to know anything about me?

Once Christmas is over, we'll never see each other again.

You have my dossier.

You know all my secrets.

Fair is fair.

A little rusty, but I'll take you up on your bet.

You should probably pray.

Watch the line.

I'm a highball.

Yes, that's right.

Does one ask me a question?

What's your favorite color?

That's lame.

That's my question. If you don't want to answer it, trust me, you don't have to.

Okay. Green, blue, red, white.

Anything on the string of Christmas lights.

Of course you can't just pick one.

Pick ball, red pocket.

Are you sure?

Red ball is the shot.

Eight ball, one pocket, one round.

You scared me.

What can I say? You're an easy target.

Okay, look, on the bright side, at least now you've got your table, a bar, and

pool. Oh, great. All I need now is a jacuzzi and my wish list will be

I have a jacuzzi.

Really? You know, if you and I were playing, I would feign ignorance so you

could instruct me on how to hold my cue.

Be a far bigger win in my book to have your arms around me.

I'm Tammy.

Derek. Oh, this is, uh, my sister.

Jessie. I play pool, not games.

I have a function to attend, so I'm afraid I have to leave.

Why don't you stop by my place tomorrow, say, seven?

We'll give my jacuzzi a whirl.

A date?

You're at seven, Derek.

Okay, you're not actually falling for that. How's that?

How you doing?

That is not how the mayor rolls. The mayor?

Well, I've never canoodled with a mayor before.

Your food will be right up.

Thanks.

And where do you think you're going?

Do I need permission to take a leak?

Yeah, actually you do.

Go.

Thank you.

Mayor.

So how come you don't want to answer any questions about yourself?

My favorite color is green.

When I was little, my parents took me to Ireland and I fell in love with the

rolling fields of clovers.

I thought they were beautiful.

And then my parents gave me this ring when I graduated college.

Nice.

I only missed one shot, because I ran the table, in case you forgot.

But if I had missed two, I'd ask you why.

Why I chose a life of crime.

I work with a guy like DeNozzo.

Truth is, it's because I'm good at it.

Didn't think I'd be betrayed by the guy who treated me like his own son.

What happened?

I blame his wife.

For crazy, conniving, manipulative...

That's like two missed shots worth.

Santa, this is Sally.

Well, hello, little Sally, you who.

What you come riding on up here?

And what would you like for Christmas?

I want the Christmas tree lighting party back.

Where'd it go? They stopped having it when I was six because some dope broke a

statue and the old lady in the park got mad.

Now we don't have it anymore.

Don't you want a doll or a cell phone?

Nope. I want the singing and the cookies and the cocoa and the lights.

You're there, Santa. Can't you bring it back for us?

The lights, huh?

Tons and tons. All over the Christmas trees. And there's like a gazillion

Well, see what I can do.

Santa's going to bring back the Christmas Eve tree lighting party.

Now what am I going to do?

I don't know.

If you're not too busy canoodling in there tonight, maybe you can ask her.

Hey, listen, I don't think the mayor really is expecting the both of us, so

don't you wait in the car?

Listen, Casanova, I get paid to keep an eye on you. Or maybe you just don't want

me to be alone with her in the jacuzzi.

What I want is to keep you alive.

And what we should be doing is laying low at the motel and gallivanting around

town.

Gallivanting? That's right. Since I opened the door to gallivanting with the

whole Santa duty thing, here we are. Just so you know, I draw the line at the

mayor's.

Plan on making it to the front door?

Oh, my God.

Let's go.

Nice snow globes.

Yeah. Yeah, your snow globes are pretty amazing.

I thought this was supposed to be a date.

My sister, she gets sad around the holidays and we're traveling together.

mind if she just watches some TV?

I mean, she's already here.

Make yourself at home.

Thanks.

Come on, the jacuzzi's this way.

I actually had fun playing Santa. Those kids were pretty cute.

One of them thinks I can bring back the Christmas Eve tree lighting ceremony.

What do you think?

You do realize there are only two nights until Christmas Eve, right?

It would be virtually impossible to pull that off. Yeah, but I'm a whiz with

Christmas lights.

You know, I saw what you did at the Gateway.

But the major obstacle to that is Harrington. She owns the property, and

the one who killed the tree lighting ceremony.

I have a feeling I might be able to change her mind.

I have a feeling that if anyone could, it would be you, Derek.

I will personally bring you to her.

That'd be so generous of you.

Oh.

You don't know anywhere.

It's okay.

You're okay.

Oh, my God. I found the culprit.

Jesus. Should we go to the hospital?

No, I think I'm all right.

Did you just save my life?

You know, it's my job.

Where's your sister?

We should call it a night.

Are you sure you don't want to stay?

I'd be happy to play nurse and pamper you.

It's okay.

We should go. I just want to see you tomorrow.

Okay, I'll come. I got you.

How's your head?

Ouch. Yeah.

No, I think I had an epiphany tonight.

Oh, yeah?

Don't sit under a wall of snow globe?

I realized you were right.

Oh.

This is the season of giving.

You gave me a second chance tonight.

It would have been death by snow globe if it wasn't for you, Jesse.

And I really want to make those Christmas lights happen.

Oh, I know.

I love your life. No.

It's about the life.

I've never done anything that's really made a difference.

And I think we're here for that very reason.

What?

Actually, incredibly humbling.

I have an idea.

For every naughty thing I've ever done, or may have been construed as maybe not

on the right side of the law, I'm going to counter it by doing something nice.

head handsome oh much better you look amazing car's pretty hot too are you two

joined at the hip again today just until christmas right bro

right this well she

did save your life so i guess i owe her

In the back is where the tree lighting ceremony is to take place.

She's not expecting us. I thought a surprise attack would be best.

But stubborn and ornery, so be prepared for a flat -out no.

Mayor.

Merry Christmas, Mrs. Harrington.

What can I do for you? I would like you to meet Derek and his sister, Jessie.

Again.

What do you want, Mayor?

She's here because of me, Mrs. Harrington.

Okay, what do you want?

Well, I'm playing Santa Claus at the mall, and a little girl asked me to

back the Christmas tree lighting ceremony.

I'd really like to.

Be my guest, but don't plan on using my property.

Your property is the only spot in town that works, and you know it, Gladys.

Mrs. Harrington, I can work the magic with Christmas tree lights.

If you could only see what I could do to transform your property, you'd be blown

away. Don't try to charm me, Lothario.

Your charms might work on these two, but not on me.

I warned you.

But you're right. We still have our annual snowball dance tomorrow. I hope

you'll come as my date.

Yeah. Fun.

Be my pleasure.

Good. And I can guarantee you won't be able to take your eyes off of me.

I tried.

Oh, please.

You batted your eyes and tried to charm her.

It's a wimpy attempt.

Who are you calling a wimp?

Goodbye. You want to know the difference between trying and defeating?

When I was in high school, I was on the prom committee.

You were at the prom?

I did.

And our entire senior class wanted the harmonites to perform.

So I called their manager. I called their label.

I even stood in line after a silly little meet and greet.

So what happened?

I found a charity the band supported and turned our entire prom into a

fundraiser.

Impressive.

Rhonda, why did Gladys stop doing the Christmas tree lighting event?

A couple of kids knocked over one of her husband's sculptures.

Passed away in September.

Took the accident quite personally.

Come better ever since.

Didn't we see a sculpture at the mall?

That's one of his.

You know, she met her husband at one of the Christmas concerts.

She was a singer.

Hello? Oh, don't look at me.

I'm tone deaf.

You can do Christmas lights and you can't sing Christmas carols?

I cannot believe I'm doing this.

Hey.

It's me.

Oh,

definitely a basket of glazed donut.

Nona? Derek.

Derek, Nona. How you doing, Nona? Good. Good.

Did you have any trouble with the piano?

No, not at all. It's in my car.

Great. I'll go get you checked in.

Okay. I'm going to go grab a soda. You want anything?

I'm good. Thanks.

All right.

What?

She's my friend.

Oh, shoot.

Merry Christmas.

Hi.

I love your sweater.

I love your sweater, too.

Merry Christmas, Mrs. Harrington.

Don't try to charm me, Buttercup.

My answer's still no.

No? To the surprise I have for you? A surprise?

For me?

Grab your coat. Come with me.

Mm -mm.

Please?

Walter always gave me his arm when we'd walk together.

are we doing here?

Are you playing me?

Oh, I'm not the one who's playing.

It came a flower bright

amid the cold of

winter when

half gone was the

Nice. Oh, my.

You went through a great deal of trouble in order to get me to change my mind.

That was the goal, partly.

But mostly I just wanted to ignite the Christmas spirit.

Merry Christmas, Gladys.

I used to sing that song to Walter every year.

I miss you, Walter.

This really brings back memories. Such wonderful memories.

I really don't know what to say.

I hit it real hard after Walter passed.

He loved the lighting ceremony so very much.

I think you would want me to carry on with the tradition.

So, yes, you have my blessing.

You're late.

Late for what?

You made me walk under the stars.

So you can follow me?

Yep.

Come on.

You know, I never had bad luck before I met you.

Well, I never had so much trouble protecting a witness until I met you.

Is that all I have to do?

Trouble?

No.

Maybe.

I don't know.

You know, the first night you walked down here, you were following me.

So I was shooting.

If you know, there are more stars in the universe than there are grains of sand

on every beach on Earth.

That's unbelievable.

How do you know that?

My dad.

He was sort of an amateur astronomer.

Sometimes I would stay up late and he would take turns looking through his

telescope.

He would light starlight.

He would light Christmas lights.

You ever heard of Martin Luther?

He was a 16th century preacher.

He was so

inspired

to

go out on the forest back home, decorate his little candles.

It's reminding us that stars need to die.

And that's how we got the Christmas tree.

That's amazing.

How did you learn that?

I didn't know what to do with it.

I was in a little bed.

Well, you are full of surprises, Dean Foucault.

We'll figure it out. The cop and the criminal.

Bonded by Christmas.

Yeah.

The cop and the criminal.

I mean, if we're going to be bonded by anything.

We're not Christmas friends.

Good morning, Thelma. Good morning.

Ah, Thelma.

How's it shaking?

Delma, who?

I put the word out that we're in need of lights for the sea lighting ceremony

tomorrow night, and we're telling folks to drop them off at the property at noon

today.

Oh, Delma, you're the best.

Where's the people? Where's the lights?

I heard you needed lights.

Thank you, Tammy.

You owe me, and I plan on collecting tonight.

I will pick you up at six.

You think your sister can find her own way to the den?

I don't think there'll be a problem at all.

Huh.

Well, enough for one tree.

Thank God for that.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Thank you.

Hey, guys.

Could be some of my neighbor's hedges. You won't miss them. Gonna pretend I

didn't hear that.

You sneaky little... I knew I liked you wrong once.

You're like a kid in a candy shop.

I thought I'd keep it open.

Thank you.

Are you ready, handsome?

You bet.

We are going to be the couple of the night.

See you at the dance.

Yeah.

Bye.

Hey, Mona.

Who is he?

A traveling salesman who's crazy for Christmas.

He likes my sweaters.

Very cute.

So, Derek just left with the mayor.

Want to come with me to the dance?

Yeah, I can't. I kind of got a hot date later.

But before you go, let me do for you what you did for me.

On and off the dance floor.

Oh.

Mission accomplished.

Still working on it.

Seriously?

How hard is it to put a peanut in his food?

What?

He's allergic.

Get it done.

You know, for someone not from here, you seem to have taken quite an interest in

this town. Well, it's not a bad little town.

I hope that means you're not averse to relocating.

You look good on my arm, I look good on yours.

Derek, seriously, what is the deal with you and your sister?

Lights.

Merry Christmas.

Can I catch you?

What's a girl got to do to get a drink?

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

You know, this requires a toast.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

To Martin Luther.

He's having a reaction.

Hey.

Hey.

Are you going to be okay?

Yeah.

Yeah,

I think I'm fine.

Call it a night.

You're leaving?

Again?

Always a pleasure, Mayor.

Cool. Okay.

Did I tell you tonight that you look beautiful?

Hey.

Mona talks me into the whole Cinderella thing.

Well, we can't have Cinderella's pumpkin burst without a dance.

Cinderella doesn't hold a can of tea.

I think I'm going to be sick.

Hey, I think I should take you to the hospital.

No, it's just the effect from the shock.

It's happened before. I'll be...

I'll be fine.

I'm going to get you a ginger ale.

Sorry, sweetheart.

I have to take this.

I'll be waiting.

How about I call you when it's done?

What is going on with you?

It's not me. This cat has nine lives, and that chick protecting him, she's one

tough cookie.

Just do whatever you need to do, whatever weighs fastest.

Doesn't have to be an accident.

No.

Just kill him.

In fact, kill them both.

Thank you, Al.

Hey,

did you see Jessie tonight?

Oh, she looks so stunning.

Doesn't she?

I tried the makeup.

She doesn't need all that.

She's amazing.

Just being herself.

Looking at the stars.

Not so bad yourself.

Even though you are the most accident -prone.

Jared, what's going on?

Are you okay?

Oh, my God. I found the culprit.

Stay alone.

Someone's trying to kill you and make it look like an accident.

What?

We gotta go.

No, I'm not going anywhere.

Not after everything we did for tonight.

I'm not kidding.

Well, I'm not worried, because I got you to protect me.

Okay, look, so far, we have been lucky.

Luck runs out.

My first day playing Santa, when I freaked out, you told me you believed in

No one's ever...

I believe in you.

Dean, come on.

Is this one more night?

We cannot trust anyone.

Hey.

What are you doing?

Oh, she's just risking you.

It's that family Christmas tradition.

It's a Christmas tradition, huh?

Well, then, risk away.

Um... Are you feeling okay?

Yeah, it was just a date night.

Well, I spent my night, our date night, listening to my constituents gripe about

potholes.

But I also arranged for some volunteers to help us get the trees decorated for

this evening.

Well, that was really nice of you, Tammy.

I didn't do it. You

know

what

today is?

I don't know.

Tuesday, maybe.

You tend to lose track of time in here.

Christmas Eve.

This is the season to give.

I've got something for you, Al.

Something real special.

Thanks, but not thanks.

I'll give it to you real soon.

My gift for you is a true meaning of Christmas.

What?

Yeah, let me talk to him.

See, this is about this little baby, this cute little baby, who taught us

not just his mom, his dad, the shepherds, and that ass that was in the

What ass was in the stable?

The donkey.

It was the donkey stable.

Anyway, this little baby taught us that there's only one true gift that's worth

giving and receiving.

You know what that gift is?

Stock options.

Love, Albert.

The gift is love.

I've always been able to count on you above everything else.

We've developed a father -son type of loyalty, huh?

You're right. I know, man, I know.

Silent night.

Holy night.

Excuse me. I'm so sorry. That was totally my fault.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Hey!

You're the elf.

Why aren't you at the North Pole?

Well, I couldn't miss the magical tree lighting ceremony.

After all, you helped bring it back.

Yeah, I did!

Let's all go grab a drink at the dew drop before the event starts.

My treat.

I'll catch up with you guys.

Derek.

Well, if it isn't Mr. Lucky.

Freeze, Chuck.

Looking for this?

Oh, God.

No. Excuse me. I'm so sorry. That was totally my fault.

Merry Christmas.

You were good.

We're very good.

So he became your weak spot.

Say your prayers.

Looks like I'm taking a bullet for you after all.

Hold on. Don't I get to say any of this?

Sure.

But make it quick.

I'm so sorry, Jesse.

You deserve better than this.

Because you're lazy.

Touchy. You done?

Rudy!

Rudy?

Oh.

Moaning.

No wonder he's still alive.

Doctor's gonna get over there.

You are all loose ends that I will finally take care of.

You know, it doesn't matter if you're standing in front. I'm going to shoot

off.

Goodbye, Dean.

Darling, it's not really a good time right now.

I had an epiphany.

Listen, you've got to stop Rudy from killing Dean.

Oh, I have.

Thank goodness.

Albert.

Just like that handsome and now dead undercover agent.

I just don't have the balls to do what needs to be done.

Luckily, I do.

That was you?

Of course it was me.

And I'll take care of this, too.

Go ahead.

I'll allow you one last look at the thing you wish you could have had.

Well, I hate to disappoint, but I never saw you as anything when this got on.

Are you kidding me?

Out of all the times you choose to tell the truth, you picked this one? You

couldn't just try and charm her into not killing us?

Well, we're all dead.

She's the one who has the gun.

Just think, I actually fell for you. Wait, what?

Yeah. You showed me a piece of you that you don't show anyone, and I thought

that was special. It turns out you were just playing me like you play everyone

because life's one big joke to you.

Oh, it's better than going through life alone and like you. Oh, do not try and

flip this on me.

I knew you were trouble the second you first touched me.

Oh, yeah?

What would you do if I did it again?

I'd like to see you dry.

Me too.

I'll think, like a potter's in a pantry, as long as I'm in his favorite corner.

How'd you know where to find him?

We've been tracking Mrs. Bonazzo's cell phone.

And with her confession just now, I don't think we'll be needing your

anymore.

Good luck.

Well, you heard him.

You're a free man.

Hold on, did you?

Really mean what you said before?

Derek?

Derek, where are you?

The bear needs you, and I need to go brief Officer Chen.

Take your night.

Enjoy.

What in the world is going on?

Do you really want to know?

We were very fortunate to have this man show up on our doorstep just days ago.

He has changed all of our lives for the better, and we are most grateful.

It is my delight and privilege to let Dean Kupo have the honor of turning on

lights.

Thank you.

Sorry, uh, instance.

I knew I'd find you here.

Why aren't you at your event?

Well, because the one person I wanted to share it with wasn't there.

What about Stanley?

I don't feel the same way around her as I do with you.

You make me feel safe, Justin.

My job, Dean.

Do you ever think about anything other than your job?

What's that supposed to mean? You may be tough on the outside, but I think

you're scared.

You don't know me.

That's right. I don't.

I've been trying to get to know you, but you keep me at a distance.

At a distance, Dean?

You're right, I do. This doesn't make sense. We do not make sense. Maybe not.

But after having a target on my back...

I don't want to go back to that life.

Especially if it doesn't include you.

Dean, I protect people for a living.

That's what I do. I'm already on another assignment. That's just how this works.

I'm not trying to change you.

You're the one who's showing me what's on the inside that matters.

Thank you.

They never answered my question.

Did you mean what you said before?

Or am I just another assignment?

Good answer.

I mean, you do know your own probation.

With me.