Original subtitles

So, I have to make a better grade than last time. I only got a 90, and that's

just... That's just, we can't do both.

That's just not acceptable.

I mean, what's so wrong with me? Do I not know a hypotenuse from a

hypotenuse?

How about you? What are you thinking?

I'm going to think I got to fix up a personal finance project.

Yeah? Yeah.

I tried taking AP, but it was so easy before.

Right. I feel you. I feel you.

They need to offer more college work.

Right.

Calculate. And there's been nothing to do lately.

Well, I mean, instead of that, you could always do one of those popular

girls homework. I know I've been doing, like, five.

Because it's the same thing, so after a while it gets boring.

Oh, yeah.

So that was paperwork.

You know what time it is?

What time is it?

It's not trivia time!

You know what? It's trivia.

Right? I'm happy with it. Are you ready?

What is the net prime number after seven?

What is the square root of 144 equal?

Square root of 144.

Give me the next one.

Pi can correctly be written as a fraction.

Correct.

Correct. Correct. Correct.

What comes after a million, a billion, and a trillion?

Five billion.

Chinese. Too easy. Too easy for you.

4

,200.

Yeah!

Alright, these are better. These are better. Let's do these. Give me a note.

Give me a note. Two trigonometrical ratios whose values cannot

be greater than one are?

Sine and cosine.

Oh, yeah. You're killing it, girl.

Found it.

Henry and Hazel are going to just come up 5 ,000 expenses.

They have, to me, our food, their food is 500.

House loan, $450.

Electricity, water, and gas, $135. Telephone, $50.

And car maintenance, $155.

Monthly saving as percent age of income is?

See, that would be... $48 .67.

Correct, correct.

Yeah.

All right.

This is cute.

Yeah. But you know what's on right now?

I didn't have a toothbrush.

What?

Yo, that's pretty hardcore.

I know, I didn't follow the directions at all.

That's like, that's really hardcore.

This is a lot of mint.

How big is yours?

I think mine's bigger.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

That's impossible.

We have like the same amount of gum.

in your gum over time.

Look at all that.

Let me see.

I have this crazy idea.

Let's combine horses with gum. Fusion? Yeah.

You think?

Yeah. Here.

Lady and the Tramp.

But it's gonna be so.

I was pretty bummed out after Jen didn't want to hang out. No one wants to hang

out with me either.

That doesn't make me feel better. I want you to have a boyfriend or even like a,

you know, guy friend.

That'd be cool.

I'm not cool enough, I guess.

I guess. But what's really cool? I feel like this is cool.

Really?

You're dressed a nice bit. You dress awesome.

Right? You got the coolest socks.

Oh, I know. I got my donut socks on. Right?

Yeah. Like, how cool are donuts?

Right? Everybody likes donuts.

And, like, we just got our new glasses, and they're even bigger than the last

one. Right? So we can see in every direction.

Right? Like, so cool.

Like, I don't get it.

I don't know.

And then, like, nobody else seems to like anime, but... Animate the cool it

right like have they never tried it like right? I'll get it

We should be, like, kissing, right? We should be, like, kissing and going to

movies and holding hands and sharing coffee.

Right? But we're not.

But we're not. Because nobody knows how cool we are.

You guys okay?

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Is it okay?

Oh.

It's girl stuff.

What kind of girl stuff? Does it sound just like girl stuff?

We do.

Yeah. It doesn't have to be.

You're a guy.

You're not a control sample. You're a guy.

If you weren't a good kid, we wouldn't tell you this. Exactly. I think you're

cool. You're the coolest chick that I've ever met.

You know what?

What's the matter?

You guys want to talk about it with us?

Nobody knows how cool we are.

Well,

I don't know.

Clearly you guys thought it would be cool, but nobody else thinks.

Would you apply all the cool we taught you?

Yeah! We take cool selfies, and we watch anime, and we wear all the big clothes,

and we go to the science fair.

We got our new glasses.

That's cool to us, but there might be a new level of cool up. Yeah.

How do we get our new glasses? You guys are engaged that way, like, you should

be getting boyfriends and stuff.

Yeah, because we like them.

Trace, I like you.

Show them the mic.

You're gonna show them the mic. You're gonna say like he's over there. You're

just gonna like... You mean like everybody's a little shy?

Walk across the seat.

Okay. I don't know.

No, that's not it. Okay.

Okay, so come back. Come back over here. Come back over here. Say like the guy's

over here. You gotta walk up to him just like... Yourself.

God gave you those hips.

You know?

That is sweet.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah,

I feel full already.

I mean, let me read those first. Let's see.

All right. It's like we're on the runway.

Yeah, yeah.

Ready, ready, ready.

the next 100 years. Well, that's what you did.

Dad,

don't pick on me. I'm already feeling like that.

You're picking on me.

Okay.

Let's try something else.

What do you guys talk about at school?

We talk about math and anatomy.

That's really great for a career later on.

Talk about things that are more popular in school.

What's more popular than chocolate? Who's the head cheerleader? Tiffany,

not nice.

She smokes pot.

That's her job to not be nice.

Nowhere in the history of school was the head cheerleader nice to everybody.

But that's not cool.

You guys are part of being nice.

But if you take Ryan from Tiffany...

How do you flirt with Ryan?

How do you flirt with Ryan? Yeah, how do you flirt with Ryan? I haven't flirted

with Ryan.

You flirted with Ryan that one time. Okay, so you pretend you're Ryan, and

you're you. What would you say?

Hi.

Sweet. You're Ryan?

She's Ryan. She's Ryan. That was the wish roll, okay?

So just say it. So you act like Ryan.

So you act like a cool guy. I got this.

Okay. Be Ryan.

Be Ryan. Be Ryan.

Yeah, yeah, I think you should do the check back.

You're mean. Okay, now you. I'll be Ryan. I'll be Ryan.

Hi.

What's up, nerd?

You got my calculus homework?

Yeah.

Okay, there we go. You don't just give him the calculus homework.

That part's not going to work.

You're going to need to just go right in for the kill here.

Okay. What's the kill? You guys ever kiss anybody before?

I kissed my pillow.

I mean, I did a lot of things with my pillow when I was a kid. Are you 18

old and you ever kissed anybody?

No.

No. You can't kiss people unless you're dating, and then you can't be dating.

But that's very smart.

That's very smart. That's a good way of thinking.

That's a whole problem.

I think it's time to have these discussions here of what you guys should

doing. Yeah.

All right. Why don't you tip out?

What? What? Just be, you know, try to be. She's a girl.

Yeah. We should all play. I mean, we should have gone, but, like, that

make sense. That would be kissing.

Yeah. Because you're best friends.

You guys can kick each other. Heck, I'll, you know, I'm not going to kill

No, it doesn't count.

So if you play Ryan again, and then you play yourself, go in for the kill, you

know? Just like, hey, what's up? Go for it. Okay.

Ready? Try this. Hi, I'm Ryan.

You're not even going to say I'm Ryan. You're just going to go in for it.

One, two, three, and go.

Oh!

That was pretty good.

I thought you were right! That was good! That was really, really good. I like

that. Alex, how'd she do?

That was, um, aggressive.

Okay, great.

Now you be aggressive.

Okay, so now leave Ryan.

She says, hey Alex, and as soon as he says hey Alex, you just kiss him. Okay,

okay, I got this. Hey Alex.

Oh.

Like that, like that, like that.

Pretty good.

Did you like it?

You guys seem like you like it a little bit too much, right?

Try it again.

A little softer, there you go.

There you go.

That's a little tongue.

I mean, we don't really want to have lesbian daughters now, do we?

What? That was a really, really good one. That was good.

I still think they need a little more.

So we are both going to be Ryan now.

We're both Ryan.

So I'll be Ryan and you, you, and then... You're Ryan?

I'm Ryan.

Okay, okay. So we're at school, okay?

You're usually in class.

I'm walking, you know, I got my bag and my football here, and then... Okay.

All right? Are you ready? I'm ready. All right. All right. Okay.

That's okay?

Yes. Good? Oh, wow.

That was good.

Just like that. Hey, Alex, what's up?

So are we going to try again?

Yeah, try again.

How is that?

It's great.

Yeah? It's really, really good.

Yeah, that works, right?

Yeah. So what are you going to do past that point? Yeah, so once you get to the

kitchen point. I mean, what would you do after? I don't know.

I've never seen anything after. Have you guys ever heard of ball play?

Well, we talked about it.

I mean, who'd credit the teeth and the nuts, right? You know? We taught you

everything else. Yeah.

Have you guys ever, um, like, seen a penis before?

Let's take them over here. Not in person.

You know, let's show them the birds and the bees here.

Alright.

So the first thing that you're going to want to do is get a little bit

undressed. Yeah. Right? Show some skin off.

Yeah, just maybe start by just taking your shoes off, you know. There you go.

Take your socks off.

Cute socks.

They're cute socks.

Oh, I bought you those.

Yeah! Donuts are cool.

And then, so you might want to just, you know, just...

get used to your own body, right? You guys, you know, um, masturbate, right?

Uh, Ted, his Barbie car.

Okay, just, okay, just, I'm just saying.

I'll ask him if he ever masturbated before.

You masturbated before?

Yeah. Did you like it?

Okay. I mean, yeah, it was cool. So why don't you just, like, close your eyes,

touch yourself, and imagine, uh, imagine lying, you know?

Yeah, just like that, you know, just slowly.

That's good.

That's nice.

Super. Yeah, you just like caress yourself a little bit, get yourself in

Beautiful. In the mood. That's perfect.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow, I think that...

Yeah. Pull it to the side a little bit, let's see.

Yeah, let's pull it to the side a little bit, let's see.

Oh,

wow.

That's better.

Wow.

There we go.

And if you pull this out and pull the other titties out a bit. Yeah, just pull

those out. Those are beautiful.

Wow.

Wow, yeah.

That's, uh... You really grew up.

You did.

That's not nice.

How does that feel?

Absolutely amazing. Tickly.

It's tickly? Yeah.

Yeah?

Let me see.

How does that feel?

It's way cooler when somebody else does it.

So this is what Sammy boys like us?

Yeah.

100%.

Oh my goodness.

Yeah.

So I guarantee you, nobody's ever done this to you.

Done what?

Thank you.

Thanks. I study a lot.

That's good? Yeah, you're doing great.

Pretty cool.

Pretty cool. I feel cooler already.

Yeah,

that's what makes me cool.

Why don't you let me and Jasper sit down here and you guys come over here.

Like that?

Yeah, just lean on your side there for a second.

Just like that.

Oh.

I guess so, huh?

No, you don't look like that.

You can put it right down here. There you go.

I think we have to take these off, right?

Yeah, that's not cool.

Really? Yeah. Lita, you don't mind me? No.

I know.

That's nice.

That's advanced right there.

I am a quick study

Wow. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm.

A plus.

Absolutely.

Do a little extra credit and you're right there.

Go deep on that country again. Go deep on that country again. Amen.

Super good.

With

this?

Go higher?

Put the dick inside here, please. Okay. Okay. It's still like a master class.

Like that.

No, don't.

clean up and practice that walk and that talk we taught you.

Sure. You guys have got it made.

Okay.