Original subtitles

(Daffy) Gimme the wrench.

- Porky! - Huh?

Oh-oh, sorry. I-I was studying.

- Studying? - Yeah!

- I w-went back to school. - Oh, boy.

I figured the catering business

can be such a r-roller coaster.

I-it's good to keep your option's open.

Besides, I've always l-loved school.

(Daffy) You know, for two people that spend a lot of time together

we really have nothin' in common.

- Ah! That should do it. - Eh, but what were you fixing?

Nothin'. But women love a guy who works on his car.

thud

A-are those B-Bug's gloves?

Gotta protect my delicate hands.

Women love a man with a soft touch.

What you winkin' at? Don't you wave at me.

Well, most women.

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

- Daffy! - What's up?

- Where are my gloves? - Oh, I washed them.

Why would you wash them?

Because they were covered in grease and oil.

You're welcome.

My gloves are dry clean only.

- I said I was sorry. - No, you didn't.

Look, let's not split hairs. Why do you even wear gloves?

Because, I've always worn them. It's who I am.

Why do you wear that thing around your neck?

[instrumental music]

Grand mummy, one day when I'm grown

will you give me your pearls?

I wear this for medical reasons.

They've shrunk!

You shrunk my gloves!

But what would I expect from someone named Daffy?

What's that supposed to mean?

I gotta have some gloves in here somewhere?

- What's wrong with my name? - Look it up.

[keys clicking]

"Daffy, adjective.

"Foolish, insane

brainless, crazy."

[gasps]

This explains so much.

No wonder I've always been treated with such disdain.

Why no one's given me the respect I deserve!

It certainly can't be because of my manner

or anything I've done. It's because of my name.

I have to change my name.

Goodbye, Daffy. Hello..

Uh.. Well, I'll think of something.

Do these gloves look weird? Daffy?

[instrumental music]

How do say "Taco" in Spanish?

- Taco. - Taaaacccooo.

- How do you say, uh, "Barito?" - Borittttoo.

What! So Spanish and English are the same that's, that's crazy.

Eh!

[instrumental music]

[grunts]

I, uh, think you push it.

Hey, Bugs, where have you been?

I've been waiting a half an hour.

I got lost.

What do you mean you got lost? You come here all the time.

I know, uh, I don't know what's wrong with me?

Oh, you poor thing. Let me get you a glass of water.

Or as they say in Spanish, "A glass of water."

Hola, Senor Bugs, can I get you the usual?

Huh! Oh, yeah sure, the usual. What's my usual?

A personnel carrot pizza.

Carrot pizza! Who puts carrots on pizza?

Are you okay? You seem strange.

I just don't feel like myself, I-I don't know what it is?

Here you go, Bun-Bun.

- Where are your gloves? - Ha! My gloves!

I'm not myself because I don't have my gloves.

Oh, well, I have an extra pair in my purse

if you wanna borrow mine.

What are these?

Pearls. Pretty, huh?

I can't wear these.

I gotta get my gloves back.

Oh, may be Daffy will want these. To match his necklace.

- Eh! Can I help you? - This isn't the parking lot.

I gotta get my gloves back.

[instrumental music]

[panting]

These are all baby names.

I don't want people thinking I'm a baby.

Eh, th-they are not just for babies.

That's, eh, when usually people get their names. Eh, let me see.

- Eh, what about, John. - John?

John Duck, it sounds like jaundice.

Like I'm all yellow and sickly.

- How about, W-W-William? - William?

Willy! Silly Willy Daffa-dilly?

Who would, eh, say, say that?

All the kids in the playground.

Eh, w-w-what playground are you on?

I d-d-don't know why your making such a b-big

a big deal out of your name anyway.

Huh! Easy for you to say.

You don't know what it is like to have your name

be a source of ridicule and embarrassment.

You've got it easy, you're name's Porky..

Uh, you'll make a good John.

John Pig.

Strong.

Oh! T-t-there is my political science teacher.

Eh, P-Professor Johnson.

Professor, Professor Duck.

You gotta respect that.

I'm afraid we don't carry white gloves for men anymore.

What? Why?

Well, because it's not the 1800s.

- But I need them! - We can special order them.

But it might take a while.

Do you have any other gloves?

I really need a pair of gloves.

Well, it's summer, so we don't have that many options.

Just get me a pair of gloves.

[chuckles]

[instrumental music]

Where are the fingers?

It's all they had.

Now thanks to you, I'm this guy.

Daffy, where's the remote?

Daffy. Hello, Daffy.

Oh! I'm sorry were you talking to me?

Because if you were, my name's not Daffy.

- Check this out! - You got a wallet?

Not that, this.

- Porky's credit card. - What?

No, not that. This.

- '"Professor Duck?"' - I changed my name.

Daffy, Professor is not a name. It's a title.

- That you have to earn. - I did earn it.

By going down to the courthouse and paying 14 bucks.

Well, I used Porky's credit card.

So what do you think?

I think I gonna get a tattoo.

- What? Why? - I don't know.

I just feel like it.

Sorry if that hurts.

I didn't know you started.

[instrumental music]

Eh, t-thanks for driving me to class.

I d-didn't know how I was gonna get the cake there in one piece.

- Who's it for? - M-m-my teacher.

E-each tier, represents a branch of government.

Eh, this tier represents the l-legislative branch.

Eh, th-th-this tier, the executive branch.

And this is the j-j-judiciary branch.

Again, we have nothing in common.

Hey, P-Professor Johnson, I have g-got a surprise for you.

Is it another cake that somehow represents

whatever we talked about in the last class?

Eh, t-the nine gum drops are the supreme court justices.

Even the gravels are edible.

Oh, I b-better get inside before someone

gets the seat closest to your desk.

Oh, th-thanks for the ride, Professor.

- You're a professor? - That's what they call me.

How would you like to take over my class?

- What? - That pig is driving me crazy.

Please, there are only a few classes left

all you gotta do is follow the lesson plan.

You'll figure it out, you're a professor.

Eh, P-Professor Johnson

don't forget about out pop quiz today.

I'm begging you.

[instrumental music]

Beat it. You're in my chair.

- But-but I was just-- - Leaving.

Ain't nobody heard of service around here.

Hey, Senor Bunny, what's with the shouting

and the double negatives?

Cool it, pops, I'm just blowin' off some steam.

Pops? Who you calling pops?

Just bring me a slice, old man.

I not bringing you anything.

You know what? Get out of here.

I resume the right to refuse service to anybody.

I don't want your stupid pizza anyway.

Hey! Watch where you're a goin'?

- Or what? - Eh! Nothin'

Anyone else?

That's what I thought.

[instrumental music]

Huh? Huh!

Alright class settle down.

[stutters]

My name is..

...Professor Duck.

That doesn't look right.

Ah, one "F," two "Ss."

That's weird. I gotta memorize this.

Professor Johnson has asked me to take over your class.

So for the next few weeks, I will be your guide

as we journey to a wonderful place known as..

"...Political Science."

No, you may not use the restroom.

Let's see what we're learning today.

Eh, w-w-what are you doing?

- I'm teaching your class! - You're n-n-not a teacher.

Excuse us for a moment.

N-now just because you changed your name

doesn't make you a p-professor.

Then why do I have a classroom full of students

waiting for me to go back in there and teach them?

B-because I shouted your name across the parking lot

and my teacher must have thought you were a r-real professor.

- Professor. - Professor.

Please don't blow this for me!

You don't understand.

Things like this don't happen to Daffy Duck.

But Professor Duck has a chalkboard.

Elbow patches! Glasses!

I don't know. I-it's unethical.

- I'll give you an A. - Deal.

I can't see out of these things.

[engine revving]

I'll take it!

[tires screeching]

[upbeat music]

Beep-beep!

Beep-beep!

[music continues]

[engine revving]

thud

Alright, class.

Today we'll be focusing on the executive branch

specifically the presidential cabinet.

Now, as we all know

the President is a very important person.

So it would only be fitting that his cabinet would be made

of very expensive wood.

'Probably a mahogany or a cedar.'

Definitely not pine.

Pine would be more for a vice president cabinet.

Now, what's the President got in there?

This is one of the greatest mysteries

in all of political science.

And though it remains unsolved, I have a theory!

It's not a cabinet at all. It's a portal.

A portal that transports the President

wherever he wants to go.

The grocery store, the gym

maybe his favorite frozen yogurt place.

[engine revving]

What on earth is going on out there?

What has gotten into him?

Hey, hey! Get out of here!

My kids are trying to learn!

You wanna throw your life away? That's your prerogative!

[dramatic music]

That's what happens when you don't stay in school.

[instrumental music]

Thanks for letting me do my laundry over here, mom.

Don't they have a washer-dryer at your apartment building?

They do, but it takes coins.

And I used up all my coins making this shirt.

Oh, mom, I think something's wrong with your dryer.

Who is that?

[engine revving]

- Ha! It's Bugs! - That's not the Bugs I know.

That's not the Bugs I know, either.

But I kinda like it.

Where do you think you're going, young lady?

Wherever he'll take me!

I forbid you to go out with that hoodlum.

But, daddy, I love him!

Go to your room!

I don't even live here anymore!

Well, then, go to your old room

that your mother turned into her scrapbooking room!

[crying]

Get off my property, Thugs Bunny!

- Bun-Bun! - I'll come back for ya.

[instrumental music]

You know, we were young once.

[sobbing]

[instrumental music]

That doesn't look like it's got enough red marks.

Maybe I'll circle this, maybe three question marks here..

X this out, underline this real aggressively.

What do I do here?

Ah! Frowny face.

Better luck next time, Melanie.

[engine revving]

[gulping]

clank

[rock music]

- How about a little respect? - You're not the boss of me.

Go ahead, run away.

You don't understand me! No one understands me!

[instrumental music]

You're not gonna find what you're looking for

on the street.

How do you know?

Because I used to be just like you.

I wasn't always a respected member of society.

In fact, I used to be so wild and crazy

they actually called me Daffy.

- Why should I trust you? - Maybe you shouldn't.

But give me the chance. Come to class tomorrow, 8:00 a.m.

[engine revving]

[music continues]

[school bell ringing]

Alright, class. I guess that's everyone.

Today we're gonna talk about checks and balances.

[instrumental music]

Room for one more?

Always.

Okay.

'Checks. Money. Balances.'

'Balancing on a tight rope. He makes it, gets a check.'

These are high buildings, probably for a million dollars.

[all applauding]

I learned a lot in there today.

Well, you've got a bright future.

And don't ever let anyone tell you different.

Thanks again...Professor.

Hey. You promise me you'll keep up with your studies.

He d-d-doesn't even go to school here!

You promise me you'll keep making a difference.

He's n-n-not a real professor!

You know, it's funny, you dedicate your whole life

to academia and you never imagine that one day

a student will walk into your class and teach you

the greatest lesson of all.

- Trust. - Trust.

Who are you guys?

(Porky) 'G-g-give me those!'

[grunts] 'G-g-glasses.'

T-t-trust. W-w-what are they talking about?

Is that a flaming carrot?

Where do you think you're going?

Bugs is picking me up.

You'll probably never see us again.

We're probably gonna join a motorcycle gang

and have a bunch of motorcycle babies.

So...later!

[engine revving]

Have fun.

[instrumental music]

[gasps]

- Bugs? - Look!

My gloves finally arrived.

What happened to your bike?

Oh, I sold it.

[engine revving]

Be right down. Almost ready.

[instrumental music]

Thanks, grand mummy.

And thank you, Lola.

Ooh, don't go too fast!

[engine revving]

[instrumental music]

You g-g-gave me an F!

Y-you said you'd give me an A!

I wanted to. I really did.

But I just didn't think you had a firm grasp of the material.

Th-th-thanks a lot, Professor.

- Oh, I'm back to Daffy. - How come?

Professor's too hard to spell. Daffy's simple.

D-A-F-Y. Boom. Easy.

- Oh, here you go. - M-m-my credit card?

You're gonna notice two $14 charges

on there to the courthouse.

Oh, and one $700 charge to contemporary male.

Corduroy sports coats are expensive.

[theme music]

- That's all, folks. - What did you say?

[gulps] Uh, nothin'.