Original subtitles

Good evening, Burke. Good evening, ma 'am.

Good evening, Burke. Good evening.

Charles, I'll never figure you out.

Why do you insist on going to the con this time of year?

Get out.

I mean, really, Acapulco is where it's at.

The nerve of that guy offering me $500 ,000.

I told him to shove it up his ass. Who needs his money?

Good.

Are you doing anything tomorrow night?

No, nothing much.

Good. Then would you fix my leading closet?

Sure. I don't mind.

Hey, asshole, where the fuck have you been?

I've been looking all over for you. Where the fuck do you think I've been,

I worked for a living.

So big deal. So has everybody.

Now, what's up?

Oh, it's odd.

Man, you know, you really are an asshole. The game's tonight. Now, look,

the ticket.

Shit, man, I can't go. I have to do my taxes.

Fuck your taxes, man. You can do them anytime.

There's only one game, and it's tonight.

I'm telling you, I can't go, man. My extension's up, and they're going to

the shit out of me.

Besides, it's the only night that Sue's free.

Sue's doing your taxes?

Ha, ha, ha, I bet.

Sounds more like a fuck date to me.

Hey, fuck you, man. I'll see you later. Hey, man, what am I supposed to do with

the tickets?

I don't know. Why don't you take the old lady?

The old lady? Are you kidding?

Hello, sweet bunny.

Hey, get off, honey.

Them pits.

Lord help us. I'd like to gobble them goobers.

Squishy -squashy, squishy -squashy.

Lord help us, honey. I'd pay a $50 phone bill just to listen to you piss in a

bucket.

You stay right there, sweet thing. I'll be right back.

Oh, my goodness.

Suck in and fuck in and suck in and fuck in. Hot to Riley know.

By damn, now that's what I call putting a lip lock on a love muscle.

Hold on, Jack. I hope you don't get lockjaw.

My God, lady, don't hit him.

Don't hit him that... Damn.

Well, hit her back, Jack.

God damn, stick your fingers up her nose holes.

Don't let go of her.

Look out, man. That's a frying pan.

Oh, my God.

Shit, I better go back to sweet thing.

Sweet thing, what you doing?

God, that's a zucchini.

What you looking at?

I'm checking weather conditions, asshole.

How'd you find me up here?

Your wife told me. Say, Dick, I got an extra ticket for tonight's game.

Want to come along?

How did you get tickets to the ball game when things have been sold out for two

weeks?

My W -I -F -E would kill me if I went to that game.

But she'd only kill me once, didn't she? I'll tell you what I'd do. I'd buy both

them tickets for me. Are you nuts?

No, no, no, no, no. I'd give you $50 for both tickets.

No way, no way. All right, all right, all right. I'd give you $75 plus a free

pass to the Copernicus Health Spa.

Health Spa?

Yeah, yeah, you can get a free massage. That loan's worth $25.

Why don't you use it?

Joe, I'm a happily married man. I don't need to fool around.

Well, so am I, and I do. You got yourself a deal. All right.

Now, back to Sin City.

Oh, shit, they're getting dressed.

Oh, double shit, the cops.

Well, let's see what Sweet Thang's doing.

Oh, my God, Sweet Thang, you look like the Jolly Green Giant threw up all over

you. Oh, that's gross.

It's nice, but it's gross.

Mr. Baker. I'm Karen.

I'm your masseuse for this session.

I see you have one free gift massage ticket. How nice.

Before we start, would you like to order some fruit and wine?

I guess.

Alrighty.

One fruit and wine coming up.

That will be an additional $15.

And now, Mr. Baker, if you would like to lie down for us.

I'm going to rub in some of this wonderful exotic oil from the Far East.

And put it on your chest and rub your muscles so that you become nice and

relaxed.

Let's see, we'll put a lot of this on you because you're such a big man.

Nice skin tone, Mr. Baker.

Oh, yes.

Just enjoy it and relax.

This is going to make you tingle and forget everything.

Just float away.

Just relax those nerves and those muscles. All those everyday tensions are

going to fly away.

And this is a whole other world for you, Mr. Baker.

Oh yes, we're going to make you feel so good.

Yes, that feels good.

Hello, Mr. Baker.

I am your hostess, Samantha.

May I offer you some wine to quench your thirst?

Is that enough?

Oh, yes.

Just lie back and relax.

Can I offer you an apple?

No, thank you.

Perhaps a grape?

Mm -hmm.

Now we're going to get your legs, Mr. Baker.

These beautiful, fairy legs.

Isn't this fruit delicious, Mr. Baker?

Then you get your feet in here and massage them so that they relax your

body. Your toes.

All that weight on those poor feet all day long.

Just relax.

Yes, that's it.

Nice, strong, muscular legs you have, Mr. Baker. You know, Mr. Baker, for a

slight extra charge, we can offer you our bear special.

Bear special?

Yes. We make ourselves, how do you say, comfortable?

Why not?

All right, Mr. Baker.

That will be an additional $15.

While we're at it, maybe you would like our dual bear massage.

Why not?

All right.

That will be $30.

Oh, Mr.

Baker. We expect this will double your pleasure.

Oh, Mr.

Baker. You're about to have the greatest dual bear massage.

This is really what we call grade A class.

I hope you like what you see.

Doesn't it feel better with four hands?

Wonderful client we have today, isn't he? Yes.

He's getting relaxed, aren't you, Mr. Baker?

Mr. Baker, can we interest you in a dual breast massage? You mean...

Oh, yeah, sounds great.

All right, Mr. Baker.

One dual breast massage coming right up for just an additional $20.

Let's do it.

Oh.

Rub -a -dub -dub, Mr. Baker.

Like little nipples rubbing up against you?

Of

course,

the harder the nipple, the more you feel the massage.

Isn't that right, Sam?

Yes. Isn't that right, Mr. Baker?

Feel good?

Nice little titty massage, huh?

I think he likes it, Sam.

Oh, yes. Let me just jiggle in on him.

Feel good, Mr. Baker?

How does it feel so far, Mr. Baker?

Oh, fantastic.

Well, if it feels so good this far, perhaps we can interest you in our

body massage?

Oh, okay.

All right.

Just an additional $30, Mr. Baker.

Now.

We're going to put the oil where it really feels good.

This might tickle for a moment. Oh,

honey,

excuse my appearance.

But it was so hot, I just had to take a shower.

I hate that sticky feeling, you know?

Ain't you going to give me a little kiss?

Look, sir, I just want to do my taxes, okay?

Well, a little kiss won't hurt.

What's the matter?

What kind of kiss is that? You don't like me anymore? What's wrong with you?

it's not that. I'm just not in the mood.

Well, I'm in the mood.

You just lay down and make yourself... I'm so comfortable in that studio.

All the work.

I really appreciate it, but I just don't feel that good.

Well, I'll make you feel better.

Bird,

it looks like you're starting to feel better.

See? Yes.

We'll begin by rubbing you slowly and then work up into a more vigorous

massage.

Yes, but we never start vigorous right away. You wouldn't want to shock

yourself.

I think Mr.

Baker is enjoying our body massage.

How does that oil feel, Mr. Baker?

Yes,

just relax, Mr. Baker. This will

take all your tension away.

Yes. Is it good, Mr. Baker?

Is it good?

Mr.

Baker, do you think perhaps we could interest you in our dual

oral massage?

Yes.

All right, Mr. Baker.

That will be an additional $20.

Let us work on you, Miss Bacon.

Oh, Miss Bacon, look at her run her tongue along your shaft.

Oh, you are just bursting.

Oh, suck on it just one little bit. Oh.

I can't fit that rim in my mouth. It's so dry.

Put it down your throat.

Suck on it good and hard.

Make it feel like it's going to come off.

Let me put your balls in my mouth, Mr. Baker.

Can I tickle them with my tongue?

Oh, yes, tickle them as far as you want to lick the shaft.

Oh, give me some of that.

Oh, she's so selfish.

You don't know how long I've been waiting for this, Mr. Baker.

Oh, take one lick.

That's enough.

I want more.

Together. Let's lick it together.

Mr.

Baker, since you are one of our more special customers, we are at

liberty to offer you at a special discount rate our all

-the -way massage.

All the way.

That's right, Mr. Baker.

For a limited time only, an all -the -way massage for $49 .95.

Anything to say?

One all -the -way massage coming up.

You are in for a treat.

Oh, yes, Mr. Baker.

That is the way.

Okay, girls.

Get up.

Turn around.

Oh, Mr.

Baker.

Oh,

my goodness.

Let me see what you've got here.

Oh, yes.

Nice pussy.

What do we have here?

Nice and juicy.

Oh, yes.

Okay, girls.

You want to get fucked first?

Me first. Me first. No, me.

Oh,

she's so lucky.

Oh, Mr.

Baker. Oh,

goody.

Oh,

Mr. Baker.

to feel this.

I'm next, Mr. Baker.

Oh, yes, do all the way in.

Deep inside me.

Get behind me and look my best.

Oh, Mr. Baker.

This is the best thing that's happened to me all day.

Oh, yes.

Put it in Sam.

Oh, do you feel it deep inside you?

Mr. Baker, that feels so good.

A very good all -the -way massage.

I think we're getting the better end of the deal.

Oh, Mr.

Baker, I want some more. Oh, no. Please.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Stop being so selfish. Oh, Mr.

Baker, right this way.

Hold me for a minute.

Okay.

Oh, yes, I'm dying for it again. Wait.

Oh, yes, put it in, Mr. Baker.

There we go.

Oh, it's all the way in.

Oh, it's so deep.

Massage your breasts from behind.

Oh,

yes.

Ram it in.

So good.

This is the best thing that's happened to me all day.

Now I'm going to come all over your face.

There it is. Wait.

What

are

you doing down there?

I've got a bird's eye view.

Oh, Mr.

Baker, it's so good.

I think I'm going to cum.

I'm going to cum all over.

Well, now then, let's just review the session.

Fruit and wine, $15.

Dual bear massage, $30.

Dual breast massage, $20.

Entire body massage, $30.

Dual oral massage, $20.

All the way massage, $49 .95 plus 8 % sale tax.

Your free massage has cost you a total of $178 .15.

Isn't that wonderful?

Bert, you sure know

how to screw up a checkbook. You haven't even entered your monthly deposit.

Well, I know how much I got in there.

Bullshit! Did you bring the bank statements with you?

Bert, where the hell did you get $300 ,000?

What do you mean?

Don't play Mr. Innocent with me.

It says right here you deposited $300 ,000 in July.

That's $300 ,000.

Man, I almost dropped my cookie. She says to me, where'd you get $300 ,000

I'm telling you, those banks are assholes, man. Only put in $300 ,000.

I don't get it. I do, man. It's called a computer fuck -up. It happens all the

time. Too many zeros.

In your case, instead of two zeros, the computer punched in five.

That's all there is to it.

Simple as that, huh? Now what do I do? Like everybody else. Like that couple

in California.

The computer in their bank punched in a million dollars. So they took out the

money and ran like hell.

That's just what you gotta do.

You mean I can just take the money out?

Sure, man, but you gotta do it fast before the bank catches on, you dumb

What ever happened to that couple in California?

They're in jail now.

Jail? Fuck that shit, man. I ain't touching that money.

Got you, man. They were stupid.

You gotta be smart.

What you gotta do is transfer the money into a Swiss bank.

And then you gotta get your ass out of this country and stay out.

I can't do that, man. I can't leave my job and my friends and my apartment.

Can you believe this guy?

Listen, Bert, with all that money, you don't need a fucking job. And friends,

you can buy new ones.

As far as that rat trap goes, you call an apartment.

Man, you can have an Italian villa, a mansion, anything you want.

Use your goddamn head.

Okay. Okay, I'll do it.

I'll do it.

Where am I going to find a Swiss bank?

Excuse me a minute, Bert.

What may we do for you?

Well, um... I'm Bert Taylor.

Yeah?

Well, I'm Bert Taylor.

Yeah, I know.

I'd like to open an account with your bank.

In Switzerland, that is.

Yeah?

Well, I'd like to know how I go about it. About what?

About... opening an account with your bank?

Simply. You give me money, I deposit it for you, and then transfer it. How much

do you wish to deposit?

Well, I don't have any money on me.

No money?

No, not exactly.

I have it in my checking account, and I'd like to transfer it here. How much

money do you have?

$300 ,000. How much? $300 ,000.

You will give me your checkbook, please.

Thank you.

Hello, Jim. This is Al at Swiss Bank.

I have a client here who wishes to make a transfer to our bank.

Can you verify his account, please?

His account number is 2838843.

Here. Yeah, he claims to have a balance of $300 ,000.

Yeah, I'll hold.

That will be fine.

Oh, yeah, Jim.

Oh, I see.

Uh -huh.

Well, thank you very much.

Well, well, well, Mr.

Taylor.

Would you like to transfer all $300 ,000 to Switzerland, yeah?

Entree.

Monsieur, you have all the grand specialty of the hotel?

Oui, yes.

Ah, we have champignon with a touch of garlic.

Duh, they have.

And for

the

supreme specialty, we have... And

for the grand finale, we have...

caviar. Caviar?

Fish egg.

Hey, listen.

What's the chance of getting a nice thick sirloin steak somewhere in this

huh?

Monsieur, you are in Paris. You are not in Hoboken.

However, is there anything else that you would like, sir?

No, I think that's it. Are you sure? There are some very nice things which I

provide you with.

What are you talking about?

Monsieur, what you have here is a beautiful banquet.

What you need is a woman to share it with.

Oh, you mean a hooker.

How you say a hooker? Oui, hooker. Well, how much is this going to cost me?

Well, the mademoiselle alone will cost you American dollars, 50. 50 dollars.

From menage a trois, 75.

What the hell? I'll shoot the works. Give me the 75 dollar job.

And is she not attractive, monsieur?

Oui, oui.

Seventy -five dollars, huh?

What's a menage a trois?

A threesome.

Threesome? Un, deux, trois.

Fucky, fucky?

Hey, hey, hey, you know that gay shit familiar? No, no, no, no, no. Oui, and

mademoiselle. Ah.

Thank you.

Monsieur, how do you say in American, kinky?

Would you like to do kinky?

What do you mean, kinky?

F and M.

Hey, what do you think I am, one of them pervert types? No, no, no, not real S

and M. Make believe. You see, it's one of mademoiselle's specialty.

You will not be hurt, and you will enjoy it.

Oh, please, monsieur.

Please.

Okay, I'll try it.

Lie down.

Hey, what's the rope for?

Do not worry, monsieur.

The madam likes to tie her men down so she can give them better pleasure.

Just for a little while.

Thank you.

Go get dressed.

What do you mean? You didn't get me off yet. I know.

Can I get dressed?

Monsieur, it is impossible.

What do you mean? You're just going to leave me here?

As you say in the Medica, monsieur, you have been a...

We'll get it off.

Oh, no.

Where the hell am I?

Hello?

Anybody home?

Hello?

Anybody home?

Hello there.

Do you speak English?

You don't speak English.

Just a thing right here.

Let me tell you what's going on.

Ick, heb, motor, pesh, magick, here, even op -bellin, huh?

What's that?

No, no, no, no, no. No.

Ick, here, even op -bellin.

How you doing?

Oh, God.

I don't believe it.

I'm gonna fuck the farmer's daughter.

There's no rape, really. I swear.

Call the police. Do anything you want.

It's fine.

Wait a minute.

I got it. Here you go. Here you go. Key to your heart.

Here's 20 bucks. Get some chicken feed, you know.

Okay.

I know what you need here.

Your roof's leaking a little bit. Fix the barn up, okay?

No problem. It's on me.

More?

Okay, here you go.

This is the biggie. Now, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, I don't know

what will.

Hey, look, that's all I got.

Take it, okay?

That's it. Come on, give me a break, huh?

That's all I have.

Okay?

All right, thanks a lot.

Really nice meeting you. See you again sometime, huh?

Stupid American.

What's going on?

Welcome, Senor Ponte. Senor Ponte?

You've got a mistake. I'm an American. In America, I'm a Fajol.

Who you guys want?

In America, you say ransom.

Ransom?

We've decided that you do not look like Senor Ponte. Therefore, you must not be

Senor Ponte.

That's what I've been trying to tell you all along.

We're sorry for this mistake.

Okay, I accept your apology. Now you let me go?

No, this is impossible.

If I later knew we'd make mistakes... Therefore, you must give us the money

we demand.

$87 ,023?

You've got to be kidding.

For what?

For your life.

Man, I've heard of tourist traps before, but this takes the cake. I'm not going

to pay it. That settles it. Then we'll just have to shoot you.

Hey, come on, take it easy, will you, huh?

Maria, Maria.

We've decided before we shoot you that as you Americans say, we're going to

your brains out.

Oh, you don't say.

Shut up.

This place is surrounded.

Take off your clothes.

Take them off. Come on, take them off.

Come on, get that shirt off.

Take those pants off. We don't have all day here. Come on.

Come here.

They make them really good in America.

Here, look at this.

You want this dick so much you don't want to shoot him already?

Why don't you lick that cock, huh?

Lick that cock.

Oh, yeah.

You like the way she licks your cock?

Oh,

yes.

Suck that cock.

Suck that hard cock.

Suck it good.

Give me some of that cock.

Fill his balls up. Let's make him.

Suck those balls.

Take this cock in your mouth.

Why don't you suck it?

Pick those nice tits.

I think it's too white. It should have red marks on it.

Turn around. Show him your ass. Show him that beautiful ass.

Look at that ass. It looks like a fucking idiot.

Why don't you lick that ass?

Come on, lick it, baby.

Lick that ass.

Oh, yes.

Oh, lick it.

Oh, that's nice.

Put it there. Put it there.

Put it there.

Look at her pussy.

Look at her pussy.

Too bad we have to shoot such a good fuck.

Let's not say we did, huh?

Okay, okay, I'll pay you $87 ,023.

You've got to be the most expensive piece of ass in history.

By the way, what's the $23 for?

Traveling expenses.

Pens. You hustle, no pants.

I take that as a compliment.

No one has ever called me a hustler before.

One of you, to call me.

I will be very honest with you.

When I find a man who is very attractive to me, I am never worried about it.

I think you are a very attractive man.

And it would be an honor if you would make love to me.

I don't know about that. Oh, I'll make it worth your while. How about 50

American dollars?

50 dollars?

Oh, I'm sorry. I did not mean to offend you, but 100 would be suitable.

100 dollars?

My final offer, 200 dollars.

There.

Okay.

Your place and mine.

I'm sorry, this will only take a moment.

Please,

Herr Hoffman, speak English.

We don't want to be rude to our guest.

But, Teller, I would like you to meet Herr Hoffman, Secretary of the Treasury.

Pleased to meet you. Please, sit down.

Fraulein, once again, I must apologize for this intrusion, but I have some very

valuable information for you.

May I?

It's quite all right, Herr Hoffman. We're very close friends.

I have inside information from the Treasury. Tomorrow, when the market

the banks are going to increase the price of gold.

By how much? That's what's so shocking. By 40%. 40 %?

That means if I buy gold today, I will make a 40 % profit by tomorrow?

That's correct, Fraulein. But you must buy as much as possible now, and you

sell tomorrow.

Gertrand, bring me meine Bixen.

And how much gold can you arrange for me to buy today?

I can arrange for immediate transactions of 500 ,000 marks.

Let me see. That is about $250 ,000 American dollars.

That's correct, Fraulein.

Then you must buy me $150 ,000 worth of gold.

Excuse me. Would it be possible for someone else to get in on this deal?

I'm sorry. I cannot do that. As it is, I'm taking a terrible risk taking

Fraulein Schmidt's money.

If I get caught, I go to jail.

Well, couldn't I give the money to Fraulein and...

Have her buy it for me?

Fraulein Schmidt, you know the risks I'm taking. Herr Hoffman, just pretend it's

from me.

Very well.

Here's my $150 ,000.

Excuse me, do you take traveler's checks?

Herr Hoffman? If you have them now, I think I can still make it to the bank

before it closes.

How much do you wish to buy?

God, I can't miss this opportunity.

Could I go in on $100 ,000 worth?

And these are already signed.

Very well. Now, how do we go about arranging this sale?

Both of you must meet me at noon at the Bank of Germany.

Now, excuse me for being rude, but I must make it to the bank.

Auf Wiedersehen, Herr Hoffman. Auf Wiedersehen.

Good day, sir.

Good day.

Here's to love and money.

Going to Zurich?

Near there.

Oh, you're an American. Thank God.

It's no big deal.

What part of the state are you from? New York City.

New York City?

Wow, me too. I don't believe it.

Look, I hate to break your bubble, but there's nearly half a million New

living in Europe.

Why don't you go back?

Well, I can't.

I'm not allowed.

Did you kill somebody?

No.

Not bad.

Long story.

Well, honey, it's a long ride.

Well, it all started when I deposited $300 in the bank.

Man, I must have been waiting under that clock for at least three hours.

I've got to be a real fucking asshole.

Yeah, but you're a cute asshole.

What are you going to do now?

I guess I'll have to get my ass back to Zurich, take out the rest of my money,

my big $300, and then I don't know.

I guess I'll have to get a job here, but... Well, what's your story anyway,

Colleen? I've been spilling my guts out to you the last couple hours.

Well, let's just say I came into some money, and I'm here to play.

Yeah? How much money?

I don't know.

Look, I've got a proposition for you.

You need a job, I need a driver.

Doesn't pay much, but it'll keep you off the street.

Sounds good to me.

When do I start?

How about now?

Quick, step on it. What did you do, Robert? You did it again. Did what

They made an error. I was throwing out my $300 and they gave me $300 ,000

instead. All right.