Original subtitles

(GENTLE GUITAR INTRO)

(INSECTS CHIRP)

-(WATER SPLASHES) -SONG: ♪ Who loves the sun? ♪

(CROCODILE GROWLS)

♪ Who cares that it makes plants grow?

♪ Who cares what it does

♪ Since you broke my heart? ♪

(RAILWAY BELL DINGS)

♪ Who loves the wind? ♪

(CROCODILE GROWLS)

♪ Who cares that it makes breezes?

♪ Who cares what it does

♪ Since you broke my heart? ♪

-(TRAIN RATTLES) -♪ Bah bah-bah-bah

♪ Who loves the sun?

♪ Bah bah-bah-bah

♪ Who loves the sun?

♪ Bah bah-bah-bah

♪ Not everyone

♪ Bah bah-bah-bah

♪ Who loves the... ♪

(SNARLS)

♪ Ooh-ooh ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh ooh-ooh... ♪

(SNARLS)

(EXPLOSION)

-(SQUELCHING SOUNDS) -(BIRDS SQUAWK)

(AMERICAN ACCENT) Now, look, I know what you're thinking

and, yes, I do work out.

-(VICKI LAUGHS) -(ONLOOKERS CHUCKLE)

I just like to rest a few years between sets.

(OTHERS LAUGH)

-Pa-dutz! -(ONLOOKERS LAUGH)

But seriously, this is proof

that our product can be used by anyone,

irrespective of age, body type...

(AMERICAN ACCENT) Or back-hair density.

-(SCOFFS) -(ONLOOKERS LAUGH)

Thanks a lot!

Made using nature's own maqui berry.

Tansform?

I'm glowed up and ready to attack each day,

even in your Australian winter, huh?

-Which is surprisingly cold. -(VICKI LAUGHS) Yeah!

(LAUGHS) And my nipples do not lie, huh?

Mine neither.

(VICKI CHUCKLES)

Well, spray tan is a growth area for us.

Really? So, uh, is that a yes?

Well, here's what I'm thinking...

Excuse me. What is going on here?

(CLEARS THROAT) Could you just give us a minute, babe?

Can I see your room keys, please?

-Totally. Yeah. Uh... -Yeah.

-OK, h-hold on. We can explain. -VICKI: Yeah.

O-obviously, we should've paid to rent that patio area.

-Of course. Sure. -Alright?

And not pretended to be staying here.

OK.

And Vicki should not have called the manager

what she called him.

VICKI: Yeah, but we are

a start-up and we're low on cash

and you were being an asshole.

Yeah, we believe that Tansform is a market-changing product.

Yeah.

So much so that I mortgaged

my house to fund it.

He did!

Listen, when we assess a company,

we don't just evaluate the product.

We look at the people too.

OK, well, if that's the case,

let me give you a little close-up

on my brother here, shall I?

He is the smartest, most committed,

most honest person you could ever hope to work with.

You know what, and honestly, if you don't believe in us,

why don't you suck my...

(STAMMERS) OK, you have our information.

-OK. -Thank you.

I went too far, didn't I?

Yeah, at least we came off as passionate.

Yeah.

-Where are we actually staying? -(PERCUSSIVE MUSIC)

-(JACKHAMMER THUDS) -(SIRENS WAIL)

MARTIN: Ugh!

Looked nicer on Expedia.

Eh. How bad could it be?

(SUITCASE WHEELS RATTLE)

Does this country smell weird?

MARTIN: Huh. A little.

(INTRIGUING MUSIC)

(FOOTSTEPS THUD)

(SIGHS)

(KNOCKS LOUDLY)

OCCUPANT: Who is it?

(OCCUPANT GRUNTS)

(VICKI VOCALISES CHEERFULLY)

Ooh! Hello, gorgeous.

Hey, uh, w-what do you want? (GRUNTS)

What's a guy who smashes through a door usually want?

(STAMMERS) I thought I had until next week?

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

Where's the money?

-Uh...uh... -Where is it?

-Uh, hey, um... -(OBJECTS CLINK)

Yeah, no, they were a sure thing.

E-everyone knows the rest were dog shit. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

The only sure thing in life, mate,

is getting your head fuckin' caved in

when you don't pay your debts.

OK, wait! Yeah. No. Um...

I don't have it all today.

-But, uh... -But what?

Holy shit.

Oh, f...

-You used to play, right? -No, mate.

Yeah, no, it would've been fuckin' years ago.

You got knocked out in the semi.

Cracked your head clean open. (CHUCKLES)

-I recognise you. -Wrong bloke, mate.

No, no. No, I remember.

No, I had cash on Norths.

And once they wheeled you out, the boys collapsed.

Yeah.

Terry. Terry Torres.

That's it. You were a fuckin' great player, man.

What the hell happened to you?

(GRUNTS)

That fuckin' happened.

(SOFTLY) Fuck.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(INTRIGUING MUSIC)

Hey! It's me. How are ya?

Uh, good. Great. Uh, so... (CHUCKLES) ..crazy thing.

I'm in Australia.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, Sydney, actually.

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

-VICKI: Hi. -Hey.

What's that?

Oh, uh, this is for Joyce.

-You talked to her? -Yeah.

-We're having dinner tonight. -Ew.

And what's this? Like, a present?

You don't like it?

No, it's trash. But she's your ex, not mine.

OK, b... 'Ex' is a little strong.

We're just separated.

-You know, we still talk. -OK, OK.

I'm just saying I don't think

this is gonna make you 'unseparated'.

(SIGHS) You're right, you're right.

Ugh. My judgement is off.

Why am I so nervous about this?

I don't know, maybe because you quit your job

and started a new business

and flew across the world to win her back,

which I guess is romantic as hell,

but that's not why we're here.

Priority number one is what?

-Tansform. -That's right.

Tansform.

Not fuckin' Joyce.

No, you're right. You're right. But she'll take me back, right?

I don't know, man. Maybe. Probably.

I... Not with that thing.

Gimme. Gimme.

Fuckin'...

Thing's a real panty-raiser.

"Panty-raiser"?

Panty-raiser. You want 'em lowered and...

(INHALES SHARPLY)

You know, never mind.

I don't want to talk about this with you.

I'm going to the convention.

EVENT ORGANISER: How did you get started?

VICKI: I worked at a spray tanning salon back home.

And then one day my boss, she started bitching at me

and she was like, "You can't use

"the employee discount for customers."

But I was like, "I'm only using them on the hot customers."

Some of whom I was sleeping with, you know?

Bosses just can be so frustrating.

So frustrating! I know.

So then I took some of the boxes of spray tan

and I started selling it behind the local high school.

And then, of course, my bitch boss rats me out.

And then all of a sudden, I'm in jail...

-Wait, jail? -I know.

So, anyway, I tell my brother and he bails me out.

And then he's, like, lecturing me

on how I need to get my life together.

And I'm like, "Martin..." His name's Martin.

I'm like, "Martin, that's what I'm trying to do."

I mean, you see that, right, Sophie?

Yeah, for sure.

Can we go back to the jail thing?

No, it's just that I don't want to work for a fascist.

No, I want to be respected.

Oh, and then I have this trip to Chile

to, like, drop off this package, which was stupid,

and I...I meet this gorgeous but mean hula-hooper.

Hula-hooping was her job?

No, it wasn't her job,

but she was really good at it.

And anyway, then I see these guys

and they're doing these incredible temporary tattoos

with the juice of this berry.

-A berry? -Mm-hm.

So we get a scientist to, like,

whip up a formula or whatever.

I don't know. I'm not a scientist.

And we slap a label on it and here I am talking to you.

That's quite a story.

Why did you come out to Australia?

'Cause your sun sucks.

(WHISPERS) Cancer.

Cancer.

Plus, if you can make it here in tanning,

you can make it anywhere.

OK!

Well, here's your booth.

You seem disappointed. Is there a problem?

Well, frankly, the offensive size, Sophie.

(TOILET FLUSHES)

Not to mention the stench of hangover shits

which will definitely deter potential customers,

don't you think?

I could check if there's a deodoriser.

(SIGHS) That's not gonna work.

Sophie, I thought we were friends.

There is one remaining booth,

but it's part of the Diamond Package,

so it's a bit pricier.

-Take me. -Back this way.

OK. 'Cause you're not mad at me or anything, right?

No, I'm not mad. Uh, a little bit scared. (CHUCKLES)

(JAZZ PIANO MUSIC PLAYS)

(PEOPLE LAUGH AND CHATTER)

MARTIN: Joyce! Hi!

Hi.

-(JOYCE SIGHS) -(MARTIN CHUCKLES)

(JOYCE CHUCKLES)

You look fantastic!

How are ya?

Good. I'm good. How are you?

I am great.

And you're in Sydney.

(MARTIN LAUGHS) Right? What are the odds?

Both of us in south-eastern Australia. It's crazy.

(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

So, um, what are you doing here?

Well, believe it or not,

Vicki and I have started a company.

OK. Doing what?

Dramatic reveal.

Ta-da!

We are officially in the beauty product business.

(SCOFFS)

Uh, what about your job?

I quit.

Really?

After 20 years?

Well, entrepreneurship requires sacrifice.

So being here is purely a business decision?

Exactly.

Nothing to do with me?

No! I mean...

OK, OK, well, maybe I had you in the back of my mind.

Like, way, way back there, though.

(SIGHS)

Look, I-I-I made a lot of promises in the past.

Promises that I didn't keep.

And...

..this is different.

Alright?

This one is going to come together.

It has to, 'cause...

(SOBER MUSIC)

..I miss you.

(SIGHS)

Oh, you don't wear your ring anymore?

Oh.

You... (SIGHS)

Martin,

you had a lot of good intentions in our marriage.

We're still married.

But while I was waiting for you

to follow through on those intentions,

my life was passing me by.

OK, I get it. I...I really do, but...

Look, I'm...I'm glad you're, um, excited about your business,

but I did not come here to be pitched on our future.

(JOYCE SIGHS EXASPERATEDLY)

This...this... this was a mistake.

-MARTIN: No... -So... (SIGHS)

Joy...Joyce!

Hey, good luck with the business.

Joyce, please... (STAMMERS)

Come on, let's just eat.

Joyce!

(SIGHS)

-(RELAXED MUSIC PLAYS) -(PATRONS CHATTER)

MARTIN: You know, she's right.

You know, I said we'd get out of the Midwest,

I said we'd have kids.

I just kept pushing it off.

Well, the bright side is

now you can spend more time on our business.

Right, yeah.

And, hey, speaking of, put on your best fake smile.

We've got a room full of potential buyers to impress.

I'm not really in the mood to network.

I know, buddy. I know.

Joyce was...Joyce. You loved her.

But people do move on.

I don't want to move on, Vicki.

I know. And I don't want to do this.

Ow! Ow! Stop.

-Oh! -(SOFTLY) Fuck! It's stuck.

-Jesus. -(METAL RINGS)

(SOFTLY) Fuck.

Sorry. I thought that would've come off easier.

But the point is, what would you have said to me

if I was in the same position?

You would say, "You get one chance

"to make a first impression."

So stop fuckin' crying about your ex-wife.

You're bumming everybody the fuck out, pussy.

Not really my tone, but, uh, sure.

There we go.

-(BRIGHTLY) Hello, good sir! -BARTENDER: Hi.

What do you have that'll make us look wealthy and successful?

Um...

VICKI: Oooh!

Oh, how much?

-BARTENDER: $750. -We'll take it!

Vicki! We...we can't afford that!

No, but it'll look good to people if it seems like we can.

-For our image, right? -Absolutely not.

-Please, please, please, please. -No, no, no, no.

-Please, please, please, please. -No, no, no, no, no.

-So you want it or...? -Yes, yes, yes, we do.

Yeah, say yes. Say yes. Yes, yes, yes.

-Yes, yes, yes. Yes, we do. -OK.

(GASPS)

That's my big beautiful brother.

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

And I know exactly who I'm gonna impress.

I'll save you some.

MARTIN: Oh, sure.

Ugh.

Looks like you two are doing well.

Uh, yeah. Yeah. Very well.

What do you do?

Wait. Actually, let me guess.

You are in...

..tanning products.

(LAUGHS) How did you know that?

I just...I just go to a lot of beauty conventions.

Oh, well, it shows, I guess.

(GASPS)

I'm Susi.

Martin. Hi.

So how long have you been

in the 'painting people orange' racket?

-(LAUGHS) Well, about a year. -Uh-huh.

Yeah, I spent the previous 20 as a financial risk analyst.

Right!

And why did you give that up?

Well, uh, you know, I decided

I wasn't gonna let the life I wanted get away from me.

Wow.

That is some truly sentimental bullshit.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I've been listening to too much self-help lately.

No, seriously, you know,

not everyone has the courage to take that kind of risk.

Oh.

Well, how about you?

You, uh, living the life that you want to live?

Fuckin' hell, Martin.

You're only asking the big questions.

(LAUGHS)

Yeah. Sorry.

Well, OK, um, if you want the truth, then...

(CASH REGISTER BEEPS)

..maybe not.

VICKI: And...drink, drink!

-(GLASSES CLINK) -VICKI: Drink, drink!

-Uh! Uh! Mm! -Mm!

PATRONS: Whoo!

-(SUSI LAUGHS) -(PATRONS CLAP AND CHEER)

Your girlfriend's having fun.

No, that's my...my sister.

And, yeah, this is her nirvana.

-Not yours? -Oh, God, no.

No.

Well, I did hear a rumour

that there's a wine bar within walking distance.

Actually, I... I don't think I...

Sorry. I'm sorry.

Sorry, that was way too forward.

-Oh... -I just...

I don't know anybody in town and...

-No, no, no, no. It's just... -Oh!

No, we have this big presentation tomorrow.

It's...it's OK. I get it.

Look, it was really nice to, um...to meet you.

I hope it goes really well.

MARTIN: Thank you.

(LAUGHS)

Sorry. (LAUGHS)

(SUSI SIGHS)

(GLASS THUDS SOFTLY)

You know, one glass of wine...

..it's not gonna kill anybody, right?

-SUSI: Cheers to that. -(AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) Cheers.

-(BROADENS ACCENT) Ha! Cheers. -(AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) Cheers.

(REGULAR ACCENT) This is your first time in Australia?

(REGULAR ACCENT) This is my first time here.

-Wow! Welcome. -Yeah.

So, um, this spray tan of yours,

is it any good?

Uh, well, why don't you be the judge?

-Here we go. Here. -Alright.

It's good. It's cute.

-Right? -Tansform.

-And the pitch begins... -(CHUCKLES)

..now.

May I?

-SUSI: Yes, yes. -Hand?

Alright.

SUSI: Ah!

Everyday life can take its toll.

Work, bills, responsibility.

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

MARTIN: They can make you feel colourless, right?

But at Tansform, we believe you don't have to live that way,

with the spray tan that you can use anytime, anywhere...

-(SPRAY HISSES) -(GASPS)

Transform with Tansform.

And be the best version of yourself.

(LAUGHS)

It's good.

-(BOTH KISS) -(SUSI LAUGHS)

Oh, my God!

It's really fucking good.

(SNIFFS)

(GRUNTS)

(SNIFFS)

(SOFT, DISCORDANT MUSIC)

(GRUNTS)

(SUSI INHALES DEEPLY)

SUSI: Hmm!

-Hi! -Hi.

(SUSI CHUCKLES)

Mm, last night got kind of crazy.

Yeah. Looks that way, yeah.

SUSI: Hmm.

(PHONE BUZZES)

SUSI: You wanna get some breakfast?

Martin?

Breakfast?

-I've... Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure. -(PHONE CLICKS)

(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY)

SUSI: Are you OK?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just normally don't drink that much.

Ah.

Welcome to Australia.

(LAUGHS)

I mean, actually, you know,

look, it's just...

-Last night was... -Yeah.

Uh, about that...

(PHONE UNLOCKS)

Just...if you could press play.

-(DOOR BELL JINGLES) -You filmed us?

Everything's gonna be fine. You just gotta do what he says, OK?

-What who says? -(CHAIR SCRAPES)

Morning, Martin.

Sorry, I think maybe I'm confused? Wh...

KASH: Oh, what you think's happening

is exactly what's happening.

I think I should leave.

Yeah.

(THUMPS TABLE)

(UNSETTLING MUSIC)

KASH: I just got here.

(WHISPERS) Sit down.

(CHAIR CREAKS)

KASH: Alright.

It's gonna be 10,000.

What?

(FORK CLINKS)

$10,000, Martin.

Or we're gonna throw this up on the interwebs

where your wife, kids,

heck, even your priest can have a looksie, eh?

You're...you're blackmailing me?

Oh, no, I like to think of it as preserving your privacy

at market cost.

(STAMMERS) Who says I'm married?

(FORK RINGS)

Spotting this is her speciality, mate.

-(FORK SCRAPES) -(STAMMERS)

I don't have 10 grand.

What was it they got up at the bar?

Rich-prick rum.

The whole bottle.

Whole bottle of rich-prick rum.

No, it was...that was my sister. She...

You've got till 10:00 tonight, OK?

I'm...I'm... Look, you don't understand.

I really don't have that kind of money.

See that?

Six hours in the chair.

Skin so thin it feels like

someone's jackhammering at your nerves.

But I didn't move.

Nuh.

'Cause I want everyone to know I love my sister

and I'd do anything for her.

OK.

If you love your wife, Martin...

..you'll get the cash.

Yeah?

It was really good.

(DOOR BELL JINGLES)

(DOOR SLAMS, BELL JINGLES)

So this whole thing...

Just pay him, Martin.

(DOOR BELL JINGLES)

VICKI: Hello!

(VICKI SQUEAKS EXCITEDLY)

(VICKI WHISPERS) Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Yeah, you did!

My God, I'm so proud of you.

Oh, and I found a model for the presentation.

She is very talented.

Actually, I took a few nudes. Do you want to see?

Oh, yeah. Here.

(RING THUDS AND SPINS)

Hey, are you OK?

You look a little pale.

(RING SPINS RAPIDLY)

Well, lucky for you your marriage is over,

otherwise this would be a problem.

-No, it's not over. -(DISTANT JACKHAMMERING)

Joyce texted me this morning. She wants to talk.

Ooh, OK.

You're willing to get mixed up

with a couple of shakedown artists

because Joyce wants to talk?

-Vicki, please. -Sorry.

-It's fine. I... -(DISTANT SIREN)

I mean, lucky for you, this is my strong suit.

Extortion?

Remember how I used to run dope

for Uncle Rick down in Mexico?

Uncle Rick sells dope?

It was actually pretty good stuff.

But when you're driving desert roads,

there's always this chance

that you could run into bandits.

And if you do, you have two options.

You can either stop and let them take what is yours

or you accelerate and force them to move.

We're not accelerating.

Look, we've got enough cash in our account.

We're just gonna pay them off.

Right. Uh...

-What? -OK.

The...the organiser of the...of the event, this friend of mine,

um, she's not really a friend of mine,

but we kinda became friends and...

She offered us the biggest booth at the event

and, um, it was really expensive...

And, uh, what are you trying to say, Vicki?

We have...

..$812 left in our business account.

-MARTIN: Fuck! -VICKI: Yeah.

-MARTIN: Fuck! -VICKI: OK.

It's gonna be OK, trust me.

-Trust me! -No, no, no.

I'm gonna lose my wife

and my house and my business.

Perfect!

You'll still have me, though.

No, you'll be gone too because I will have killed you.

(DOOR SLAMS)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(GRUNTS AND HYPERVENTILATES)

-Oh! Oh! -KASH: Missed.

Dave, turn the hole.

-(VELCRO RIPS) -(MAN WHIMPERS)

(BLADE RINGS AND THUDS)

Big fella.

-What you got for me, Terry? -Nothing.

He's a degenerate gambler.

You squeeze him?

Wouldn't have made a difference.

-(SICKENING CRUNCH) -Oh! Ahhhh!

(MAN SHRIEKS AND WHIMPERS)

KASH: Took him at his word, did ya?

(SIGHS) I made a judgement call.

Said I would come back in a couple of days.

'Cause that's what I'm paying you for, right?

-Your judgement? -Well...

You want me to go back there, kick him in the guts

and hopefully that he shits fuckin' gold coins out?

-You want that? -(KASH CHUCKLES UNNERVINGLY)

Sorry, mate.

KASH: You ex-footy players all got memory problems, right?

'Cause it seems like you forgot who I am.

I know who you are, mate. Memory's fine.

(CHUCKLES)

Come here.

Come on.

(SNIFFS)

TERRY: Ah!

(HIGH-PITCHED RINGING)

(TERRY GROANS)

(MUFFLED SPEECH) Just remember who you're talking to...

-(HIGH-PITCHED RINGING) -(GROANS)

(RINGING FADES)

(CHIMING OVER P.A.)

(SUBDUED CHATTER)

-Where is she? -VICKI: She'll be here.

Vicki!

-VICKI: Hello, gorgeous. -Hi!

-(VICKI CHUCKLES) -So...what do you think?

VICKI: Oh, my God.

Ooh! If I could put that in a can and sell it,

I'd be a goddamn millionaire.

-(BOTH LAUGH) -Crystal, this is Martin.

Martin, Crystal - our model.

-CRYSTAL: Hi! -Hi.

You look, uh, tanned. Ha!

CRYSTAL: Thank you.

No, I...I mean that this is a spray tanning demo.

Alright?

And the point is to show buyers

how our product changes your skin colour,

and we can't really do that

if it looks like you've been slow-roasting

in the fuckin' outback.

OK, you know what? Give me a second.

I'm gonna talk to you for a sec. Hey. Hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, I know you're... stressed out

about your fuckin' fuck tape or whatever,

but you cannot verbally assault our employees, OK?

-Our new darker shade. -(WHISPERS) OK, OK, OK.

Just fucking get it together.

-OK, OK, OK. -Jesus Christ.

-VICKI: Hey, sorry. -It's OK.

TERRY: Shit's getting worse.

Fuckin' headaches. Blackouts.

Mood swings.

Sensitivity to fuckin' light.

(SIGHS) Sorry, mate.

You have any, um, memory issues? Erectile dysfunction?

(TERRY GROANS)

Let's skip the part where you think

you've got an active medical licence.

Just give me what I've come for.

Sorry, mate. Just, uh, trying to help.

TERRY: I'll need 60.

Mate, this is only gonna get you 15.

I'll have the rest by Friday.

Mate, you know that's not how it works.

I fuckin' need 60. I'll break your fuckin' neck.

OK, OK. Everyone be cool.

Let go of me or we're never gonna do business again.

Yeah?

(DR VEGA EXHALES)

OK. Good.

(EXHALES) Just, um... (CLEARS THROAT)

Just give him 15 and, um, throw in a couple of extra

for professional courtesy. (LAUGHS)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Ladies and gentlemen,

forget everything you know about spray tan,

because up next, we have Tansform,

a self-tanner formulated...

(SOFTLY) OK, let's put on a show.

ANNOUNCER: ..amazing maqui berry,

part of the anti-aging elements of the fruit

with its natural tanning properties.

Tansform's solution dries 15% faster

and lasts 30% longer than the competition.

-(BREATHES DEEPLY) -(MUFFLED UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)

(ANNOUNCER CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

(PHONE CHIMES)

-VICKI: OK. -MARTIN: Fuck.

(MARTIN BREATHES SHAKILY)

(MUFFLED SPEECH) OK. You ready?

You ready? You with me? Let's do this.

OK, here we go. Here we go!

ANNOUNCER: ..Tansform!

VICKI: Hello, Sydney!

-(APPLAUSE) -(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)

I'm Vicki Marvin and this is my brother and business partner,

Martin Marvin.

-(HIGH-PITCHED RINGING) -(MUFFLED APPLAUSE)

(MARTIN BREATHES SHAKILY)

-(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS) -VICKI: Oh.

It's OK. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Whoopsie-doops.

-(QUIETLY) Get up. -(AUDIENCE MURMURS)

VICKI: Get up, Martin.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Whoo!

(DISTANT DANCE MUSIC THUDS)

The costume was a stupid purchase.

Can you just try to be a little positive?

I fainted in front of our entire industry.

-(AIR HISSES) -I'm being blackmailed.

(POP!)

-(CAN CLATTERS) -Jesus!

And now our inventory is exploding.

I think it's just the heat.

-(SCOFFS) It's winter. -OK, listen.

Here's what we're gonna do.

We're not gonna pay them, OK?

We are going to floor it at these assholes.

And then we are going to explode on them.

No, we're not gonna do it your way.

OK, how do you wanna do it, then?

You're looking for a personal loan?

MARTIN: Yes, or maybe a business loan,

depending on certain factors.

What factors?

Well, whatever factors

put 10 grand in our pocket today, Phil. (LAUGHS)

(MARTIN AND VICKI LAUGH)

What collateral do you have?

Well, he has a really nice

three-bedroom, two-bathroom house back in the USA.

Ever heard of it? (LAUGHS)

No, well, I've already taken out a mortgage

on my half of the house.

I'm not using my wife's equity.

(WHISPERS) Psst. Phil, come here.

(LAUGHS SOFTLY)

Theoretically, between you and me,

if we can get this guy to stop being such a B-word,

how quickly can we get that loan?

Uh, typically,

mortgage approvals take about seven days.

OK, seven days isn't gonna work. Do better.

Can I ask what the loan is for?

Sure. (STAMMERS) It's, uh... We, uh...

He's being blackmailed.

(LAUGHS)

-(VICKI LAUGHS) -PHIL: That's funny.

-(MARTIN CHUCKLES WEAKLY) -VICKI: Ah. (LAUGHS)

-Yeah. -No, but he really is.

We need you to do us a solid.

VICKI: That loan would've floated us for months.

MARTIN: It's Joyce's house too.

VICKI: Joyce hasn't lived there in a year!

MARTIN: Well, she's still my wife.

VICKI: OK, if she was still your wife,

you wouldn't have forced us to cross the Pacific

to win her back.

The reason we don't have money

is 'cause you spent it on a booth

for a company 10 times our size.

Oh, so this is my fault?

Because I don't really remember

taking my brother's dick out

and shoving it in the nearest flim-flammer.

OK, I've destroyed my life. Noted.

Maybe your life needed destroying.

What does that mean?

Were you and Joyce really that happy?

'Cause I don't think that you were.

And last night, when you were at the bar

with that hot-ass blackmailer,

Martin, that is the happiest I have seen you in years.

VICKI: What... Where are you going? Martin...

To fix this on my own.

Oh, look, it's Phil,

the corporate cog who destroyed my business.

-Sorry. -Great. Oh!

My brother's gonna have his legs broken,

but I'm sure the bones will heal quicker

when I regale him with your one-word apology.

Thank you.

I get it.

You think I like this job?

My mum won't even talk to me.

She thinks I take people's houses away.

Really?

-She doesn't talk to you? -No.

-That sucks. -Yeah.

Yeah, my mom kicked me out

just for selling some furniture

that I honestly didn't think she was using anymore.

And I made bank.

It's like, "Why don't you support me?"

Yeah, I mean, it sounds like you sold her furniture,

but, yeah, I get it.

It's, like...

-Mums you know? -Yeah.

Moms. (SCOFFS)

God. I get it.

(VICKI INHALES)

(VICKI EXHALES)

Hey.

I don't normally do this.

(TAPS PHONE)

He helps people when the bank can't,

if you know what I mean.

(SIGHS) I do know what you mean.

-Grab a quick drink? -Nope.

OK.

-Fair enough. -Yeah.

-(OMINOUS MUSIC) -(DISTANT ARGUMENT)

MAN ON VIDEO: Stem cell therapy

has been shown to repair the damage

caused by repeated head trauma.

By using a patient's own mesenchymal stem cells

to support the recovery from traumatic encephalopathy,

brain damage and excess inflammation...

Hey.

I'm, uh...I'm Vicki from...

..from the phone.

-(VIDEO CONTINUES PLAYING) -What do you want?

I'm...I'm looking for a loan.

Don't do loans anymore.

Well, that's a shame.

(VIDEO CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

What do you do now?

(VIDEO STOPS)

Help people.

What, like, if I need a ride

to the airport on a Friday night, things like that?

Yeah.

If you've got the money,

I'll get the job done.

Yeah.

Well, I'm...

..not exactly flush with cash right now.

Hence the need for the loan.

(PHONE BEEPS)

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

What's the loan for?

Just your typical blackmail/sex-tape situation.

(TERRY SCOFFS)

-Nice. -Yeah.

There could be some other options.

How do you feel about your Second Amendment?

(METAL CLANGS AND CLATTERS)

(VIDEO GAME LASER EFFECTS PLAY NEARBY)

(KASH SIGHS)

Send the photo?

Yep.

Kinda felt bad for this one.

(WEAPON SCRAPES)

You got a thing for this guy?

No.

(KASH LAUGHS)

It sounds like you don't want to take his money.

Maybe I'm just tired of blackmailing broke tourists.

(LAUGHS) Fuck traps were your idea.

-Fuck it! -Extortion operations.

And I didn't think that I'd be doing them forever.

So, what,

gonna transition to dolphin trainer, are we?

Neurosurgeon?

-An astronaut. -(WEAPON SCRAPES)

-(WEAPON CLATTERS) -(SIGHS HEAVILY)

Hey, you mind picking those up for me, please?

(WEAPON CLATTERS)

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

-What the fuck? -(WEAPON SCRAPES)

-Hang on. -Kash!

I'm a bit rusty.

Please don't, Kash.

Stand fuckin' still.

(GASPS)

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

You don't get to be anyone

but who I tell you to be.

Understand?

Yeah.

Good girl.

You pick these up for me, please?

(SINGSONGS) Thank you!

(EXHALES)

JOYCE ON RECORDING: Hey, you've reached Joyce.

Please leave a message.

Hey, Joyce! (CHUCKLES) I got your text.

I'm really looking forward to talking.

Uh, in the...the meantime, uh, Vicki and I,

we, uh, have a... a big opportunity,

uh, but we're...we're just

kinda putting the pieces together right now,

so, uh...

(INTRIGUING MUSIC)

AUTOMATED VOICE: If you're happy with your message, press 1.

-To delete, press 2. -(PRESSES KEY)

(VICKI SIGHS) You traded the company van?

-For the money we need! -You need.

Not me being blackmailed.

-This time. -(DISTANT SIRENS WAIL)

And what is this piece of shit?

MARTIN: Hey, it was a good deal. I'd do it again.

-(PHONE RINGS) -Oh. Oh, jeez.

It's him. It's him. What do I do?

Answer the phone. Show this fucker who's boss.

OK, OK, OK.

-(KEYPAD BEEPS) -Hello.

I have the money.

Here at the m-motel?

No, no, no, no. Uh, somewhere public.

-Yep. -(VICKI MOUTHS)

'Fraid I have to insist on that.

Y-you're right, yeah. No, you're...you're right.

Here does work. Yeah.

-Sure. -Ugh.

One hour? (CHUCKLES)

OK. Looking forward to it.

(VICKI SIGHS)

(NERVOUSLY) Nervous? No, no, no, no.

Not...not even in the... the slightest.

Are you? (SNIFFS)

(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

Ri... Oh, well, that may...

Oh, he hung up. Yeah.

Bad job. Really bad job.

Yeah, I didn't feel good about it either.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

(TENSE MUSIC BUILDS)

MARTIN: Hi. Hello. Um...

Come on in. Uh...

(TENSE MUSIC)

MARTIN: So how is everyone?

(DOOR CLOSES)

MARTIN: I have it right here.

Well, this is, uh, the end of it.

Here it is.

Hold up.

Where's the sex tape?

Who are you?

I...I'm the sister.

And, uh, we're not gonna pay you shit

until you delete the fuckin' video

from the...cloud or whatever.

Well, money first, then I press delete.

Not happening.

No.

KASH: I'm just gonna send it, then.

-OK, no, no. Money first. -VICKI: No.

-Money first. -No!

-Vicki! -Dammit.

MARTIN: Here you go. It's all there.

I'm starting to think this isn't enough.

If you can get 10 grand in a day,

you can get 20 tomorrow.

Kash, come on. Let's just get out of here.

(PAPER BAG RUSTLES)

KASH: You know why this works? I'll tell ya.

Everyone wants to believe

they're the most interesting person in the room

because no-one wants to admit

they're just another everyday shitbag.

But there's the thing.

If you get taped fuckin' a woman who isn't your wife,

then it doesn't matter who you think you are.

You're still gonna have to pay the asking price.

And now that price is 20.

I don't think so.

-Oh, J... You got a fucking gun? -I'm accelerating.

You sure about this?

Yeah, I'm American.

Of course I'm fuckin' sure about this.

Give me your phone. Now.

Now!

Tell me your password.

-1-1... -VICKI: Yeah.

-1... -Right.

-..1... -What, are they all 1s?

2.

(KEYPAD CLICKS)

-OK. -(MARTIN EXHALES)

OK, I'm having a hard time

getting the password and also pointing.

-Will you just... -Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I got it. I got it.

-OK. -Don't move!

(KEYPAD CLICKS)

OK, I'm not familiar with this OS.

Uh, lady, will you help him delete the fucking sex tape?

Surprise!

-(WHISPERS) Goddammit. -(WHISPERS) Fuck.

I have one too.

Give me your gun. Please.

Vicki, give him the fucking gun.

(MARTIN STAMMERS) OK, listen.

If you want 20, I can give you 20, alright?

I'll...I'll write you a cheque. I'll write you a cheque.

They don't really do cheques here, Martin.

Stop moving.

(PHONE RINGS)

Shut that thing up.

(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)

Now, please.

MARTIN: Sorry.

Sorry, it's...

It's just, uh, uh...

(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)

Some shit's just too ironic, hey?

-MARTIN: OK... (STAMMERS) -(KEYPAD BEEPS)

Please, please, don't...don't...

KASH: Hello?

-This must be Mrs Marvin. -Please don't!

-(MARTIN GRUNTS) -(VICKI GASPS)

-(DRAMATIC MUSIC) -(VICKI AND KASH GRUNT)

-(VICKI SHRIEKS) -(GUNSHOT)

-KASH: I've got ya. -(VICKI GRUNTS)

(KASH GROANS)

-(KASH GRUNTS) -(SUSI CRIES OUT)

SUSI: Fuck you!

(KASH GROANS PAINFULLY)

-(GLASS SHATTERS) -(VICKI SHRIEKS)

-(SICKENING THUD) -(SUSI GASPS)

(SUSI BREATHES HEAVILY)

VICKI: Sorry.

(VICKI BREATHES SHAKILY)

-JOYCE: Are you there? Martin? -VICKI: Hang up.

Hang up.

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

-VICKI: Hang up! -Hello, Martin?

-Yeah, OK. -(KEYPAD BEEPS)

(GRUNTS SOFTLY, PANTS)

(TENSE, GRIM MUSIC)

(STAMMERS) Is he...?

(BREATHES HEAVILY) Yeah.

(STAMMERS) We have to call an ambulance.

VICKI: No, no, no, no, no.

We're in a foreign country and...

..and we just killed somebody.

We're not gonna call an ambulance.

(TENSE MUSIC)

VICKI: What do we do?

We've gotta get rid of him.

(WHISPERS) OK.

I think I know somebody.

(NEON SIGN BUZZES)

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

So are you thinking, like, an acid bath situation or...?

(SIGHS HEAVILY) I'm thinking you guys are fucked.

(SUSI SIGHS)

(GRIM MUSIC)

(TERRY SIGHS)

You know who she is?

SUSI: Yep.

Well, you know what, I'm getting the fuck outta here, then.

(PAPER BAG RUSTLES)

Would $10,000 change your mind?

(WHISPERS) Fuck.

We need a big fuckin' bag.

(DRAMATIC SYNTH MUSIC BUILDS)

(TENSE PERCUSSIVE MUSIC)

(MARTIN WHISPERS) Go, go.

-MARTIN: Wait, wait. -TERRY: Yep.

VICKI: OK.

TERRY: Let's go.

-VICKI: No, I got this. -SUSI: Wait! OK.

-TERRY: I got it. -VICKI: Oh, my God.

-(TERRY GRUNTS) -VICKI: Are you OK?

TERRY: Yep.

MARTIN: Fuck.

Lights good on your ride, Martin?

Uh, I think so. (STAMMERS)

-Good. Pop the boot. -(SUSI GRUNTS)

OK, hold on. We're taking my car?

Yeah. Your body. Your car.

I suppose that's fair. OK.

(SUSI GRUNTS)

It's full of boxes!

Well, it looks like he's gonna have to ride up front.

-(VICKI GRUNTS) -(DOOR THUDS)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(WHISPERS) Hey, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)

It's his birthday! (CHUCKLES)

Pussy can't handle his tequila!

(TENSE MUSIC)

(WHISPERS) Oh, fuck. OK.

OK. Where are we going?

What do you feel like?

Pizza? Burgers? Fries?

Oh, fuck. I could do burgers if...

You're kidding? You're fucking with me? OK.

Yeah, no, we're just gonna go get rid of the body?

Yeah, no, that's what we should do.

-(ENGINE IDLES) -I'm stupid. I'm stupid.

OK, let's go.

(UNEASY MUSIC)

(TENSE MUSIC BUILDS)

(GATE SQUEAKS)

(CANS CLATTER)

(VICKI SIGHS) Jesus Christ.

Ugh!

(SUSI GRUNTS)

-(TEDDY GRUNTS) -SUSI: OK.

-VICKI: Ready? 1, 2, 3. -TEDDY: 3, 2. Up!

(ALL GRUNT)

-TEDDY: Keep going. VICKI: That's it. I got it.

TEDDY: Two more steps. Alright, here.

VICKI: Go back.

-Get a leg. Get a leg. -VICKI: OK.

-SUSI: Ready? -Pull him.

-TEDDY: Pull, pull, pull. -(ALL GRUNT)

-SUSI: Ugh, Jesus. -TEDDY: Right.

Ready? 3, 2, 1.

MARTIN: OK, hold on. Wait.

A-are we sure we should do this?

-Jesus, Martin, read the room! -I'm hanging on...

We're doing this. Let's drop the dead fuck!

TEDDY: Come on, let's go.

(SUSI AND TEDDY GROAN)

-(ALL GRUNT) -VICKI: OK.

-SUSI: Alright. -TEDDY: Oh!

(TENSE MUSIC)

-(FROGS CROAK) -(INSECTS CHIRP)

(TEDDY SIGHS) Fuck's sake.

Help me with the fence.

VICKI: OK.

-(METAL CLANGS) -(ALL GRUNT)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(CAR ENGINE REVS)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(WATER SPLASHES)

-(FROGS CROAK) -(INSECTS CHIRP)

FATS WALLER: Brrrr!

Fats ain't the cleaner.

Yes, yes!

Yes, yes.

♪ I'll polish the leaves

♪ Make 'em green again

♪ Shake out the trees

♪ Change the scene again

♪ Spring cleaning

♪ Gettin' ready for love

♪ Hah, hah, hah!

♪ Snuff off the wintry bowers

♪ Wash 'em out with April showers

♪ Cover them with fragrant flowers

♪ Shine up the moon above

♪ 'Cause you and I

♪ Have a rendezvous

♪ Under the sky

♪ Like we used to

♪ Spring cleanin'

♪ Gettin' ready for love

♪ Yes, yes! ♪

Brrrr!

Yeah, that's the real cleaner.

(PLASTIC BAG RUSTLES)

VICKI: You wanna stick that in here?

Think they're happy.

The people in the glass?

(WHISPERS) Yeah.

I hope so.

(SOFTLY) OK, bud. I'm just gonna take that from you.

TEDDY: Psychologically,

you're gonna go through some tough shit.

You've gotta ride that fuckin' wave.

Take some Xanax, do some yoga,

whatever it fuckin' takes

to keep your mouths shut.

Especially if the fuckin' cops come.

What about that tattoo lady?

If she finds out, we're already dead.

You don't know Kash.

A fish only gets caught if she opens up her fucking mouth.

I feel like you're, like, singling me out on this.

I feel like you're the one who's gonna fuck this all up.

And I don't wanna kill you.

Jesus Christ, you're obsessed with me.

OK, OK, I'll be good. Here. Sorry.

And if you see me again,

you've fucked up.

VICKI: OK.

(DOOR OPENS)

Well, on that note, I am going to take some me time

and shower off this blood.

Yeah, uh...

..I should probably...

Will you be OK?

Jesus, Martin.

You're really asking the big questions.

(SCOFFS)

(DOOR OPENS)

(DRAMATIC SYNTH MUSIC)

-VICKI: Ooh, good news. -(SIGHS)

VICKI: I found two seats on a flight home tonight.

Bad news - all that's left is middle seats.

I fucked up everything, didn't I?

-(MARTIN SIGHS) -Yeah, you kinda did.

But I've fucked up things before too.

You always get another chance.

Nah, I don't think there's any coming back from this.

VICKI: Mm.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

VICKI: What the hell?

(WHISPERS) What? What?

Ah! (LAUGHS)

If it isn't the spray tan siblings!

Sorry to turn up unannounced.

I got the, um, conference people to give me your motel address.

Why?

Uh, do you mind if I just...

-MARTIN: Uh, uh... Uh, sure. -Yeah?

-Here. Have a...have a seat. -Ah, it's nice.

(SIGHS) Oh.

Uh, sorry, I know it's early.

So, uh...how can we help you?

(INHALES)

I couldn't get your pitch out of my mind.

It's not every day a seller... reaches me like that.

So I had a word to Marketing.

They love the whole anti-aging USP.

Plus, the name Tansform, it just...

(INHALES)

..it just makes reinvention sound so easy.

(CHUCKLES) And that shit sells. Pardon the language.

Really?

Yeah, so, uh, I'm thinking a small trial.

Uh, what do we say 2,000 cans?

We'll put it in a few stores, see if you can get the word out.

You hit those numbers, we can expand.

I mean, it sounds amazing, but we're actually...

We'll...we'll do it.

Oh! Great!

-Great! -(VICKI LAUGHS WEAKLY)

So, um, just call the office and set it up. (CLAPS HANDS)

-Great! -Great.

HENLEY: Hmm!

(SIGHS)

Can you go now?

-Huh? -Respectfully...

-Yeah. Yeah, yeah, sure. -Thank you.

HENLEY: I've got stuff to do.

Yep. Sorry, I know it's really early.

(EXHALES)

(UNEASY MUSIC)

(GOLFER SIGHS)

GOLFER 2: Bro.

You can see that too, right?

GOLFER: What the...?

GOLFER 2: Hundred bucks says you can't hit that.

GOLFER: You're on.

(UNEASY MUSIC)

(DOOR SHUTS)

What the fuck?

I think we should stay.

We just fed a corpse to a reptile.

-(UNEASY MUSIC) -(HITS BALL)

(SNARLS)

(INHALES SHARPLY) Close.

There's no body. Nothing ties us to Kash.

I mean, why would anyone suspect us?

Why would we wanna take that risk?

If we quit, the business is done, alright?

You go back to being yelled at by retail managers.

I lose Joyce.

GOLFERS: Oooh!

Last one. Make it count.

OK, we...we don't even have 2,000 cans.

We'll make them, alright?

What did you say when you first came to me

with the idea for Tansform?

I don't know!

You said, "Sometimes you gotta get arrested

"for selling stolen beauty products

"to realise what you want in life."

-I said that? -You did.

I mean, I'm paraphrasing a little bit.

But, look, you're exactly right.

Everything we want is right here in Sydney.

-My wife. -Ugh!

-Our business. -Oh!

I do really love being co-CEOs with you.

(UNEASY MUSIC BUILDS)

(SIGHS)

(EXPLOSION)

(SQUELCHING SOUNDS)

I know that what happened last night

seemed like the end of our road.

But what if it was the beginning?

(SIREN WAILS)

-(SIREN STOPS) -(TENSE SYNTH MUSIC)

(SIGHS)

(FLESH SQUELCHES)

Jesus!

Are you sure?

I think, as long as we stick together,

we'll always be OK.

Beep!

(STEADY SYNTH MUSIC)

MAN: I'm not

your fuckin' friend.

Trying to be, though.

Trying to feel it.

Trying to be it.

(SONG CONTINUES IN FRENCH)