All language subtitles for Going.Dutch.S02E01.1080p.WEB.h264-ETHEL_track3_[eng]

[man 1] Come on, Papadakis,
it's your last lap.

You only have to run
a ten-minute mile.

-[gasps]
-You know what?

Papadakis may have
lost 40 pounds,

but he still sweats like
a fat body. What's his time?

He's running
20 seconds behind.

Yeah, but if
he's a little over,

you're still gonna pass him

on the Army Fitness Test,
right?

No. Everybody has to be battle
ready, including Papadakis.

I want to die.
Please let me die.

[Dana] You can do it,
Papadakis!

I believe in you!

He cannot do it.
I do not believe in him.

You know what?
I actually do believe in him.

He just needs
the proper motivation.

-Major, deploy our new recruit.
-Mm-hmm.

Yes, Sir.
[whistles]

-Sergeant Scraps! Go get 'em!
-[Scraps barks]

Operation
"Here's-a-Good-Boy" is a go.

-[groaning] Hey, hey!
-[barking]

You trained a dog
to attack him?

Oi!

-[groaning]
-[Scraps barking]

It's a sheep-herding dog.

It's just gonna nip
at his heels.

[Papadakis] Help! Ow!

It's working. He's still
ten seconds behind though.

All right, time for Operation
"Who's-a-Bad-Boy?"

[intense music]

-[screaming]
-[barking]

Oh, no! He's gone insane!

[screaming]

He's doing it!
He's doing it!

-Oh, my God!
-Yes!

-Whoo!
-[laughs]

-[screaming]
-You can stop running now.

You passed
the Army Fitness Test!

I can't.
They won't stop chasing me!

[theme music]

[dramatic music]

[Patrick] What a beauty.

Took a useless bowling alley

and turned it into the best
urban training site

in all of Europe.

And now, Stroopsdorf will be
known for three things.

Laundry, cheese
and kicking your ass.

Hey, uh, remember when I said
when are we gonna get

General Davidson's permission
to build this,

and you said,
"How's he gonna find out?"

-[Davidson] Quinn!
-What?

How dare you go behind my back

and destroy this
beautiful bowling alley?

-Well...
-I was joining league this year.

We want to call ourselves
the Pin Up Boys.

-What?
-Shirts were made!

-Shirts?
-Are you trying to provoke me?

Sir, we need to stay
militarily viable.

I think that's more
important than you

throwing a few gutter balls
on Tuesday nights.

Something you got to know
about me.

I bowl good.

[Patrick]
Well, I army good.

I'm considered
one of the greatest

military minds
of my generation.

Which is why the Quinn Maneuver
has been taught at West Point.

-It's not.
-What?

Actually, your Reverse
Pincer Movement has been

-removed from the textbook.
-Why?

-Why would they do that?
-Well, let's see.

It was irrelevant,

stupid and reckless,
just like you.

I'd rather be all those things

than stupid Pin Up Boy
with a fancy shirt.

Well, I will be here
tomorrow

with the Paratroopers
of the 173rd,

and together we will teach you
about the chain of command.

-Great.
-No rules.

-Love it!
-Double-blind.

Fantastic!

Force on force
simulated combat.

We look forward to some
unfriendly combat competition.

Bring it on, creepo.

Oh, you're thinking that
you and your troops

will be doing the fighting,
you misunderstand.

I'm bringing in
the Paratroopers

to fight with each other.

Are you telling me
you're gonna come in here

and-and have an orgy
in my living room?

Make me listen
at the door?

No, actually, I'm gonna
keep the door open.

It's true. You've been excised
from this year's edition

of the West Point textbook

and replaced with
a picture of a war horse.

Like the war horse in
the movie War Horse.

-Which is based on the play...
-[both] War Horse.

-I think it's based on a book.
-[both] War Horse.

[Patrick] Enough with
the War Horse, okay?

It's humiliating,
sitting watching combat

on my own base
while I'm not involved.

Permission to give you
a supportive hug, sir?

Yep.
You know what? Nah.

Davidson turned me into a cuck.
He cucked me.

He turned his chair
into a cuck chair.

-I'm a sitting...
-Cuck.

Cuck. You know what?
No more sitting.

We're getting rid of chairs.
Everybody stands from now on.

-Take the stupid book.
-Yep. Got it. On it.

What is a cuck chair?

You think he's gonna be okay?

Yeah. He just needs time
to process.

Oh, well, that actually
sounds kind of healthy.

-[chuckles]
-Oh, no, no, no, no.

Processing is what he calls
plotting to destroy your enemy.

Yeah, that sounds more
like my dad.

Hey, uh, I know Celeste
and I've been checked out.

-But, um...
-Oh, well...

We're looking
to hang out again,

and I'd love for us
all to get together

and you two to get to know
each other, maybe.

-Unless if it's weird.
-What? Weird?

Why would that be weird?
[stammers]

Literally no reason
that would be weird.

-You're weird.
-You're weird.

For being,
saying that it's weird.

Uh... [chuckles]

No, I love Celeste
and I love you two together.

I'd love to be
with you two together.

-Yeah, absolutely.
-Great.

All right, let's-let's figure
something out then.

Let's get in the cal.
I'm excited.

I'm down.
Looking forward to it.

It's about time.

Ooh, I'm so booked. [chuckles]

-I haven't set a date yet.
-Well, it's just really

nights are hard for me.

And only, like, um,
only every night.

Well, we can do
breakfast, maybe?

Celeste and I get up early
every morning

-and we run together.
-Yeah. Now, I've seen you guys.

You'd think it would
be really hard

for you and your wife to jog
and kiss at the same time,

but you guys have
really figured it out.

Hey, guys, I know how to beat
Davidson in his own game.

You processed that
in under two minutes.

New record, sir.

Listen, he wants
no-rules combat?

-We're gonna give it to him.
-All right.

Well, exactly how no-rules
are you thinking?

Nothing crazy.
You know...

The first part's gonna sound
like kidnapping,

but I checked it out,
and legally,

we're in the clear.

So what you're describing
is definitely kidnapping.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Kidnapping is when
you take someone

against their will
and use violence

and intimidation
to hold them captive.

The worst you could say
about what we're doing is

maybe it's waylaying.
You know?

Okay. Why do you have
the legal statute

for kidnapping memorized?

Because I'm a patriot.

[dramatic music]

-Uh, why are we in Belgium?
-I don't know, man.

My orders were to transport you
to the drop-off,

and this is the drop-off.

All right, guys.

[engine revving]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

You have all our equipment.

Did we get kidnapped?

I think technically
we were waylaid.

Holy crap.

You told us we're stealing
military supplies,

not laser tag gear, dude.

It's not laser tag,

it's force on force
simulated combat.

In a double-blind exercise

where neither side shares
their plan with the other.

So General Davidson's
the blue team

has no idea what
red team is up to.

Like the fact that
we are now red team.

I still don't understand

why we want to
embarrass ourselves

by attacking
our direct superior

and his super soldiers?

General Davidson wanted
no-rules combat,

which means there's no rule
we can't play.

[Patrick] And Davidson is
trying to cuck me,

but I'm gonna cuck him.
That's why.

-Colonel?
-Yeah.

I volunteered to be
to the decisive point.

No. You don't have
the experience.

And it's not
"Take Your Daughter To--"

War Day.
It actually is.

Literally take your
daughter to War Day.

And Allison McDaniel
never shut up about

going to her dad's
stupid dairy farm

and getting all of
the chocolate milk

that she could drink.

This is my chocolate milk.

-Okay, give me the gun.
-No.

Yeah. I'm not running a Make
A Wish foundation here, okay?

But I really am the best
laser shot that you've got.

It's not laser tag, guys.

How many times
do I have to say it?

Soldiers, lock and load.

[guns whirring]

[laser zapping]

Yeah, I, uh, I think
we're playing laser tag.

Yeah. [chuckles]

[dramatic music]

[clicking]

[indistinct chattering]

Jan, disco is cancelled.

Honey, they tried to kill
the disco in the '80s,

but you can never
stop the beat.

All right, guys,
everybody gather around.

Final briefing.

-Major Shah?
-Mm-hmm.

Okay, at 1400, this flag will
start pinging its location.

General Davidson and his
blue team right over here

will begin attacking
our position.

Now for them to win,

they have to get their hands
on this flag.

For us to win,

every one of their soldiers
has to be eliminated.

Okay, there's no reason
to worry.

This is a simulated combat,
right?

If you get shot,
you get a small shock,

your gun and equipment
turns off,

and then you just walk
right over to the dead tent.

Yeah, about that.

I had Papadakis hack
into the central system

and goose the shock,

I don't know,
a couple, maybe five levels.

Hold on. How bad
is this gonna hurt?

Somewhere between playing
the board game operation

and getting tased repeatedly.

[laughs]

Repeatedly?

Listen, it is okay
to be scared.

-No, no, no, no, it's not.
-No, it's not.

They are out there in
their tent scared too.

-They want to shoot us...
-They are not scared.

We are soldiers,
just like them.

No, we're not.

They are Hall of Fame,
combat-ready soldiers.

You're dressed like soldiers,

but you guys
are basically little leaguers

sitting on the bench pulling
your putts.

They said those records
were sealed.

Listen to me. Any other day,
any other place,

we don't stand a chance.

But today, in Stroopsdorf,
we got them.

Because we have
the element of surprise.

Davidson has no idea

we are now the red team.

So stay frosty, 'cause we are
going to war in ten minutes.

I do have something
in ten minutes.

I'll push it.

[dramatic music]

-Major?
-Mm-hmm.

I volunteer to hold down
the situation here in the rear.

Negative.
The Colonel has ordered

-you to be in the first wave.
-First wave?

-Yeah. Uh-huh.
-First wave?

I haven't held
a gun since basic.

And the colonel said himself,
none of us are really soldiers.

I mean, the new guy
is over there

pressing flowers
in a big ass book.

-He's so strange.
-Hm.

Listen, I don't like
to be embarrassed.

You don't have to worry about
embarrassing yourself

because there is nothing
to think about.

All right, we've been
given an order.

We got to follow it.
Isn't that freeing?

-No.
-I've always found it freeing.

-Hey, Maggie.
-Celeste.

Good to see you.

I'm so happy we finally have
a morning hang on the book.

-Well, tentative, tentative.
-Yes.

I wanted to tell you
that I'm kind of a witch.

And now I can sense things.

-Oh.
-You know what I mean?

And I just know
that we're gonna be

such good friends because
we have so much in common.

-Sorry. Like what?
-Well, we both really like Abe.

Oh, no, no.

Well, sorry.
No, I just mean that

I have never liked
or I've never, like said--

Oh, my God.
No, that's not what I meant.

-I just meant like...
-Good, good, good.

The way that
he talks about you,

you can tell that there's
a lot of love and admiration.

-Good.
-Kind of like a baby sister.

That's, that's exactly it.
Bless his heart.

Do you mind? I-I actually
completely forgot

I have to go talk to
the Colonel right now.

-Oh, right now?
-Yeah.

-Mm-hmm. Sure.
-Excuse me.

Hey, FYI, um,
I still shoot,

you know, long range,
firing at melons,

just like I did with you
when I was a kid.

You know, the cantaloupe
you kill yourself

always taste sweeter.

-You taught me that, right?
-Okay, what do you want?

Let me be the decisive point.

No, it's Shah.

He's got the most
combat experience.

Okay, well, Shah is distracted.

[Patrick] Are they staring
into each other's eyes?

-[Maggie] Yes, they do that.
-Yeah.

You know, he did ask me
to make sure that Celeste

was kept close to him
during the maneuvers.

Well, that so he could focus
on her instead of the mission.

As opposed to me,
who has nothing,

will only focus
on the mission.

Congratulations,
you're the decisive point.

Congratulations to you.

You just guaranteed
yourself a victory.

All right, well, let's go out
there and get some melon shots.

I'm gonna turn
those paratroopers

into an edible arrangement.

[man on radio]
Split the blue team

into Alpha and Bravo squads,
and prepare for enemy contact.

General, we have
a ping from the flag

ten meters from the entrance
of the training site.

[Patrick]
How are you doing, soldier?

Being in the first wave
reminds me

of that scene in
Saving Private Ryan.

You know, the one
where everyone

immediately gets mowed down.

Yeah, I love that scene.

I was looking
for some reassurance.

Soldier, my reassurance
is standing right next to you

'cause I would never
ask you to do

anything I wouldn't do
myself.

-And you always come out fine.
-Oh, yeah.

I mean, I got shot a lot.
I have three Purple Hearts.

That's too many!

-I'm sorry, sir.
-No, no, no.

You can't embarrass me.

It's one of
my biggest strengths.

I refuse to be embarrassed.

-Ah.
-Yep.

It allows me to do
the impossible.

Bravo team, cut the power.

Alpha team prepared to breach
the training center.

-[suspenseful music]
-Move! Move!

Two-by-two, move!

All right, soldiers,
see you on the beach.

[indistinct yelling]

-Move, move!
-Sector's clear, sir.

-[indistinct]
-Go!

-[door thudding]
-Go, go!

Sergeant, watch your corner.

Left flank, go! Move, move!

Clear!

The flag is in
that shipping container.

-Move, move!
-[Scraps barking]

[man 2] Ah! I'm blinded.
[man 3] It's empty.

Where are they?
What's goin' on?

-Where is it?
-It's a dog.

-I can't see anything.
-[man 2] Flag, it's on the dog.

Where did it go?
Grab the dog. Grab the dog!

[screaming]

[zapping]

-[groaning]
-Pew, pew, pew.

[zapping]

-[groaning]
-Pew, pew, pew...

[screaming]

[groaning]

[Davidson] It was
the wrong shipping container.

Alpha team is down.
Alpha team is down.

Bravo team, prepare for entry.

-Follow me.
-Sector's clear, sir.

I'm besides you. Go, go, go!

[Patrick on radio] All right,
decisive point. You're up.

Take them out.

I've got them.
[humming]

-Melon shot.
-[zapping]

[groaning]

Melon shot!

-Melon shot.
-[zapping]

-Melon shot. [grunting]
-[zapping]

Whoo!

No wonder my dad
never came home.

[bell dinging]

[soldiers groaning]

Whoa, judging by how many
you guys wet your pants,

I definitely goosed
the shock too much.

[cheering]

[laughing]

[Maggie] I've had about
enough of you, witch.

-[zapping]
-[groaning]

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[electricity crackling]

[sighs]
Well, that made it weird.

That made it weird.

Red surrounded blue
from the middle like

some sort of Reverse
Pincer Movement,

but that's impossible.

No!

That's the Quinn Maneuver.

[cheering]

[upbeat music]

[Patrick] All right, guys.
Hey, listen up, guys.

That was an amazing day
out there.

But before
we really get crazy,

I wanted to just take this time
to single out today's MVP.

Yep. This is somebody
who really put on

a great performance today,
and without whom

couldn't have done what we did.

Ladies and gentlemen, Scraps!
Where are you, Scraps?

-[Scraps barking]
-Come here, baby.

Oh, yeah.
There you are.

Take a bow.
Take a bow.

Hey, Scrap. Come here.

[Maggie] Aw...

Are you proud of anyone
else as well?

Well, yeah. No, I mean,
I'm proud of all you guys

in a very general,
nonspecific way.

Come on,
let's go, Sergeant Scraps.

Let's get something to eat.

Okay. Hey.

You know that I took out

half of the blue team
single handedly. So--

Well, we'll find out

'cause I'll check
all the gun data

and we'll see just
how many melons you hit.

Sorry, wh-what now?
The gun, the gun data.

Yeah. That's why we do all
the electronic BS we have.

Like, we can track everybody.

-Every single shot?
-Well, you have to do that.

Right, because of...

Well, that's how you find out
if there was any friendly fire,

because you can't have that.

It's the opposite of what
we're trying to achieve here.

-Right?
-[laughs] Yeah.

-All right. Have a good time.
-All right.

-[Patrick] Okay.
-[sighs deeply]

[whispering] Bad, bad, bad.
Bad, bad, bad.

Hey, uh, that was awesome.

That was awesome!
[chuckles]

Can I... Uh, one second.

-Do you mind?
-Yeah.

I just want to make sure
that there's no way

that the, um,
blue team could,

like, erase their data
if they wanted to.

Well, they could try to reset
their device with a paper clip.

-Paper clip.
-See, that'll

bring you back
from the dead

and wipe the most recent game.

You know what?

I think I'll call
West Point and tell him

my maneuver worked again,
and it's time to put it back

into the textbook
for next year.

General Davidson's
on the line.

Probably ready to wave
the white flag.

-General.
-[Davidson] You may have

defeated my blue team,
but I know your plan now.

And I just took command
of the real red team.

What?

They're supposed to be waylaid.
Oh, my God.

What is the real red team
doing back here?

The Dutch bus system
is very comprehensive.

This is why public
transportation

should be illegal.

[Patrick] All right,
know what we're gonna do,

we're gonna flank them.
We go out the back door

so we don't get shot
and end up in the dead tent.

-Don't even worry about that.
-[Patrick] What are you doing?

You guys, you know what?

I'm gonna take care of
these guys single handedly.

-[Patrick] No, don't do that.
-Hope, I don't get shot.

-No, no, no, no, no... Hey!
-No!

-[man 4] Contact!
-[guns clicking]

[zapping]

-[thud]
-Enemy down!

-Hey.
-Oh, my God, Maggie. Thank God.

I'm so happy you're here.

Wow, they really, uh, recreated

the stench of death in here.

Oh, yes, that is urine.

A lot of these guys
peed themselves

and they're being
really dramatic about it!

Meanwhile, I'm the only one
on my team that got shot,

so I'm mortified.

Well, let's take a look,
because your equipment

might have, like,
malfunctioned.

-No, I don't think so.
-I'm gonna check, it happens.

I doubt it.
I was yelling "pew, pew, pew"

the whole time
while I was firing.

I just, I wanted to
impress you, you know?

I wanted to impress
all of Abe's friends

'cause he's made
this place home,

and I was hoping
it would be mine, too.

[mellow music]

[whirring]

Look.

I got shot on purpose.

So I could come in here
and reset you.

-Really?
-Yeah.

You could reset me.

And then we'll both have
a second chance.

Okay. [chuckles]

[whirring]

-Let's go earn it.
-Let's do it. [chuckles]

It also smells like poo
in some areas.

Yes, someone did that as well.

[dramatic music]

Oh, God.

Ooh. Ahem.

-Sir. I found one.
-Mm.

Ah!

Soldiers, it's time
for the resurrection.

[dramatic music]

Back, back, back.

Davidson's blue team is back
from the dead.

[man 5] Move up.

[indistinct yelling]

Uh, so, we were trying to flank
them and then they flanked us.

So two flanks is an equal,
opposite reaction.

I'm, I'm really scared.

Listen up, soldiers.
As your leader,

I cannot put you
in harm's way.

I know this is a fake war,

but I will not let you
fake die.

And I think, unfortunately,

since we're surrounded by
Davidson's red and blue team,

I'm gonna have
to real surrender.

[Papadakis] Sir.

I would have never passed
the Army Fitness Test

if it weren't for you

believing in me enough
to chase me with that knife.

And I wouldn't have found out

I'm a stone-cold laser killer

if you hadn't put this gun
in my hand.

-Yeah.
-[gun clicks]

We got this far
because you believed in us.

Let's finish this thing
together.

And Quinns never surrender.

[barking]

You know what,
Sergeant Scraps is right.

We're still in this thing.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

[chuckles]

The mirror ball.

Krrr!

Guess what, Major Shah and I
have just hatched the plan.

-Hey, Jan?
-Yes.

We're gonna need your help

with the dramatic
costume change.

I have been preparing
for this moment my whole life.

-[dramatic music]
-[door thuds]

[indistinct yelling]

Well, well, well, general.

Is this the closest you've ever
been to the front lines?

You are the only soldier
I have ever known

to take such pride
in being shot.

Well, three Purple Hearts.

It's one of the things
I do best.

Well, I'm excited
to see it for myself.

I'm sure you are.

Soldier, your weapon.

Any last words?

I think just one.

Fire!

-[lasers zapping]
-[groaning]

-Pew. Pew, pew, pew...
-[zapping]

[groaning]

Your turn. Fire. Your turn.
Pew. Your turn.

[grunting]

-[bell dings]
-Whoo!

[cheering]

I've got the taste for blood.

This proves nothing!

Proves that the Quinn Maneuver
worked twice, sir. Sorry.

We won after being
surrounded three times.

-Yeah.
-You still got it.

[grunting]

Must not urinate. Whoo...

♪ All night all day...

This whole thing's made me
realize I am like in the army.

-Yes, finally.
-It's been four years.

Now, that was a great day
you had, amazing day!

I'm very proud of you.

Especially when you shot
Celeste in the melon.

Okay. How did you...
I'm sorry.

Don't worry.
I would have shot her.

I've seen 'em kissing
and running too.

-Right? It's so gross.
-I know.

-It's disgusting.
-Like, so much loose tongue.

-Ugh!
-Yuck. [exhales]

Wow, we were...

more alike than I thought.

-Yeah.
-It does.

-[glasses clinking]
-Hating loose tongue.

[children] It's going so well.