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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,394 --> 00:00:14,420 I'm going down to South Park Gonna have myself a time 2 00:00:14,631 --> 00:00:18,067 Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation 3 00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,260 Going down to South Park Gonna leave my woes behind 4 00:00:21,471 --> 00:00:24,702 Ample parking day or night People spouting "Howdy, neighbor!" 5 00:00:24,908 --> 00:00:27,536 Heading on up to South Park See if I can't unwind 6 00:00:31,514 --> 00:00:34,005 Come on down to South Park Meet some friends of mine 7 00:00:39,723 --> 00:00:43,716 Stinky britches, you got stinky britches. Stinky, stinky britches- 8 00:00:43,927 --> 00:00:47,294 - What are you singing, Cartman? - Alanis Morissette's new song. 9 00:00:47,497 --> 00:00:49,192 You got stinky britches 10 00:00:49,399 --> 00:00:52,800 - Hello, children, ready for lunch? - You got stinky, stinky britches 11 00:00:53,002 --> 00:00:55,903 - Eric, is there a problem? - This stupid song's in my head! 12 00:00:56,339 --> 00:00:59,775 - Alanis Morissette's " Stinky Britches"? - Yeah! Stinky britches! 13 00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:01,807 Did everyone say hi to Mr. Twig? 14 00:01:02,011 --> 00:01:03,342 Hi, boys, how are you? 15 00:01:03,546 --> 00:01:05,343 When is Mr. Hat coming back? 16 00:01:05,548 --> 00:01:08,039 I told you never to say his name! 17 00:01:08,251 --> 00:01:11,482 - But we hate Mr. Twig. He sucks. - Yeah! 18 00:01:11,688 --> 00:01:13,178 Stinky britches, you got stinky- 19 00:01:13,389 --> 00:01:16,586 Mr. Twig is far more stable than Mr. Hat could ever be... 20 00:01:16,793 --> 00:01:18,192 ...so he's a better puppet! 21 00:01:18,394 --> 00:01:20,157 He'd be better as a coat rack. 22 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:24,399 How dare you! Come on, Mr. Twig. 23 00:01:24,601 --> 00:01:26,535 - Hello there, children! - Hey, Chef. 24 00:01:26,736 --> 00:01:29,102 - You got stinky britches- - What did you say? 25 00:01:29,305 --> 00:01:30,363 It's some new hit song. 26 00:01:30,573 --> 00:01:32,370 Where did you hear that? 27 00:01:32,575 --> 00:01:34,873 All over. The radio, MTV, everywhere. 28 00:01:35,078 --> 00:01:37,273 - I'll be sodomized on Christmas. - What? 29 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,778 Children, I wrote that song 20 years ago! 30 00:01:39,983 --> 00:01:42,918 - You wrote it? - Back when I was in the rock business. 31 00:01:43,119 --> 00:01:46,350 And now, some big record company's published one of my songs. 32 00:01:46,589 --> 00:01:47,920 Then you should get paid! 33 00:01:48,124 --> 00:01:51,821 I don't want any money. I'd just like to see my name on the credits. 34 00:01:52,028 --> 00:01:56,089 Let's go to the company! My dad's a lawyer, he talks about this a lot! 35 00:01:56,299 --> 00:02:00,793 Well, all right! Maybe I will go! I'll play them my version of the song! 36 00:02:01,004 --> 00:02:03,768 Stinky bitches You got those stinky britches- 37 00:02:03,973 --> 00:02:06,134 So you see, Mr. Big Record Producer... 38 00:02:06,342 --> 00:02:08,674 ...I wrote " Stinky Britches" several years ago! 39 00:02:09,412 --> 00:02:11,676 I see no resemblance between that song... 40 00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:14,543 ...and " Stinky Britches" by our artist Alanis Morissette. 41 00:02:14,751 --> 00:02:16,582 - Huh? - It's the same song! 42 00:02:16,786 --> 00:02:20,552 I'm trying to be cool about this, but you can't rip people's music off! 43 00:02:20,757 --> 00:02:23,453 - It's against the law! - I am above the law! 44 00:02:24,994 --> 00:02:28,623 I'm afraid you leave me no alternative. We're going to sue you. 45 00:02:28,832 --> 00:02:32,962 Sue me?! You stole one of my songs, and you're gonna sue me? 46 00:02:33,169 --> 00:02:37,333 Yes. I suggest you get a real good lawyer. We'll have the best. 47 00:02:37,540 --> 00:02:40,771 - My dad will be Chef's lawyer! - Yeah, and he's Jewish! 48 00:02:42,912 --> 00:02:46,348 Stinky, stinky britches Stinky britches 49 00:02:47,283 --> 00:02:49,148 Mr. Twig? Is that you? 50 00:02:51,321 --> 00:02:53,221 Mr. Twig... 51 00:02:58,361 --> 00:02:59,794 Mr. Twig! No! 52 00:03:00,563 --> 00:03:03,054 Who did this to you, Mr. Twig? Who?! 53 00:03:05,068 --> 00:03:06,865 Just let me do all the talking. 54 00:03:07,070 --> 00:03:09,436 - We'll bring these bastards down! - Right. 55 00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:12,437 This court is in session. Who's representing the defense? 56 00:03:12,642 --> 00:03:14,473 I am, Gerald Broflovski. 57 00:03:14,677 --> 00:03:16,076 And for the prosecution? 58 00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:17,405 I am, Your Honor... 59 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,013 ...Johnnie Cochran. 60 00:03:19,215 --> 00:03:20,876 - Uh-oh. - Why " uh-oh"? 61 00:03:21,084 --> 00:03:23,882 That's Johnnie Cochran. He got O.J. off. 62 00:03:24,087 --> 00:03:25,019 Uh-oh. 63 00:03:27,090 --> 00:03:30,958 Please, I need some help! I think he's got third-degree burns! 64 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:32,923 Give the child to me! 65 00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:37,156 Is he going to be all right, doctor? 66 00:03:37,533 --> 00:03:39,262 Is he going to live?! 67 00:03:39,502 --> 00:03:40,992 It's a stick. 68 00:03:41,838 --> 00:03:46,002 Don't give me that medical jargon! Tell me, is he gonna be okay? 69 00:03:46,209 --> 00:03:47,938 On this 15th day... 70 00:03:48,144 --> 00:03:51,477 ...of what is considered to be the most important trial of the day... 71 00:03:51,681 --> 00:03:54,343 ...Johnnie Cochran will defend Capitalist Records. 72 00:03:54,550 --> 00:03:58,611 The question now is, will Cochran use his famous Chewbacca defense? 73 00:03:58,821 --> 00:03:59,753 What's that? 74 00:03:59,956 --> 00:04:02,288 - I don't know. - It's what he used in the O.J. trial. 75 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:03,925 I hate that Cochran guy! 76 00:04:04,127 --> 00:04:08,120 If he was here in front of me, I'd be like, " You stupid son of a bitch! 77 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:11,391 You- I bet- How'd you like me to kick you in the nuts?!" 78 00:04:11,601 --> 00:04:13,535 I'm sure that would scare him. 79 00:04:13,803 --> 00:04:16,636 In summation, ladies and gentlemen of the jury... 80 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:20,240 ...you've heard my client's song, recorded over 20 years ago. 81 00:04:20,443 --> 00:04:23,810 You've heard the exact same song produced by these cheats... 82 00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:27,244 ...in the past month. I'd say it's an open-and-shut case. 83 00:04:27,450 --> 00:04:29,941 Make the right decision. Thank you. 84 00:04:31,621 --> 00:04:32,883 We've got them. 85 00:04:33,489 --> 00:04:35,582 Mr. Cochran, your closing arguments? 86 00:04:35,792 --> 00:04:37,885 Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury. 87 00:04:38,094 --> 00:04:42,394 They want you to believe that he wrote " Stinky Britches" 10 years ago. 88 00:04:42,598 --> 00:04:45,624 And they make a good case. I almost felt pity myself! 89 00:04:45,835 --> 00:04:49,896 But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, one thing remains. 90 00:04:50,106 --> 00:04:52,973 Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. 91 00:04:53,176 --> 00:04:55,838 Chewbacca is a wookie from the planet Kashyyk. 92 00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:58,536 But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. 93 00:04:58,748 --> 00:05:01,649 Now think about that. That does not make sense! 94 00:05:02,785 --> 00:05:04,844 Damn, he's using the Chewbacca defense! 95 00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:07,545 Why would an 8-foot-tall Wookie... 96 00:05:07,757 --> 00:05:10,317 ...want to live on Endor with 2-foot-tall Ewoks? 97 00:05:10,526 --> 00:05:12,255 That does not make sense! 98 00:05:12,462 --> 00:05:14,726 More importantly, you have to ask yourself... 99 00:05:14,931 --> 00:05:17,525 ..."What does this have to do with this case?" 100 00:05:18,768 --> 00:05:19,700 Nothing. 101 00:05:19,902 --> 00:05:24,202 It has nothing to do with this case. It does not make sense! 102 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:28,366 I'm defending a major record company, and I'm talking about Chewbacca! 103 00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:32,070 Does that make sense? I am not making any sense. 104 00:05:32,281 --> 00:05:34,112 None of this makes sense. So remember... 105 00:05:34,317 --> 00:05:35,978 ...when you're in that jury room... 106 00:05:36,185 --> 00:05:39,484 ...deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation... 107 00:05:39,689 --> 00:05:41,213 Does it make sense? 108 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:45,690 No. Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! 109 00:05:45,895 --> 00:05:49,854 If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit. The defense rests. 110 00:05:51,534 --> 00:05:53,331 Okay, then. 111 00:05:53,636 --> 00:05:54,933 Wow, he's good. 112 00:05:55,138 --> 00:05:58,539 In a teary-eyed courtroom, Cochran has just finished his closing arguments. 113 00:05:58,741 --> 00:06:01,733 And as was anticipated, he did use the Chewbacca defense. 114 00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:04,572 Whether or not it worked is up to the jury. 115 00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:05,975 How find the jury? 116 00:06:06,182 --> 00:06:09,447 We find the defendant, Jerome " Chef" McElroy... 117 00:06:09,652 --> 00:06:10,641 ...guilty as charged. 118 00:06:11,687 --> 00:06:12,779 - Whoops. - Whoops? 119 00:06:12,989 --> 00:06:15,651 You're guilty of harassing a major record label. 120 00:06:15,858 --> 00:06:19,089 The fee of $2 million will be handed over within 24 hours. 121 00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:21,160 You think I have $2 million? 122 00:06:21,364 --> 00:06:24,333 You have 24 hours to find it, or else you'll go to jail... 123 00:06:24,534 --> 00:06:26,627 ...for 8 million years! 124 00:06:28,237 --> 00:06:29,670 It's actually four years. 125 00:06:29,872 --> 00:06:32,739 Oh, sorry. You'll go to jail for four years. 126 00:06:33,342 --> 00:06:34,832 This can't be happening! 127 00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:38,037 Oh, no, dude. Chef's going to jail. 128 00:06:42,018 --> 00:06:43,952 I want that chair too. 129 00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:46,621 - That's my favorite chair! - You heard the judge! 130 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:49,986 Since you lost, I can seize anything to pay my legal fees! 131 00:06:50,193 --> 00:06:52,024 Take that water cooler too! 132 00:06:52,228 --> 00:06:53,126 Hello there, Chef. 133 00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:54,956 - Hey, children. - What's going on? 134 00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:57,325 That record company guy is taking everything. 135 00:06:57,533 --> 00:06:59,763 If I don't find $2 million, I'm going to jail! 136 00:06:59,969 --> 00:07:01,596 We came over to cheer you up! 137 00:07:01,804 --> 00:07:04,136 - Yeah! Ready, Cartman? - Ready! 138 00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:07,571 I will do the German dance for you It's fun and gay and tra-la-la 139 00:07:07,777 --> 00:07:10,905 I hope you will enjoy my dance 140 00:07:11,114 --> 00:07:14,049 Would you like some sauerkraut German boy, German boy? 141 00:07:14,250 --> 00:07:18,209 - Yes, I'd like some sauerkraut- - Okay, thank you. I feel better. 142 00:07:18,421 --> 00:07:20,116 - You do? - Just please stop. 143 00:07:20,323 --> 00:07:21,483 I knew it would work. 144 00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:22,817 - What's that? - This? 145 00:07:23,025 --> 00:07:26,051 My photo album of my times in the rock business. 146 00:07:26,262 --> 00:07:28,162 - Ever know anyone famous? - Did I? 147 00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:32,858 Janis Joplin, The Beatles, Elton John. I got to travel around the world... 148 00:07:33,069 --> 00:07:36,197 ...hanging out with bands, going to lavish parties... 149 00:07:36,405 --> 00:07:38,066 ...loving many, many women. 150 00:07:38,274 --> 00:07:39,639 - What's that? - Nothing. 151 00:07:39,842 --> 00:07:42,402 - Take this too. - That has no monetary value! 152 00:07:42,612 --> 00:07:45,172 - Why are you taking that? - I can take anything! 153 00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:48,407 The law says I have 24 hours to come up with your money. 154 00:07:48,618 --> 00:07:50,279 I am above the law! 155 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,778 - I told you not to mess with me! - You know what I'm gonna do? 156 00:07:54,991 --> 00:07:56,322 I'll raise the money... 157 00:07:56,526 --> 00:07:58,289 ...but not to pay you. 158 00:07:59,195 --> 00:08:02,961 I'm going to use it to hire Johnnie Cochran myself, and sue you! 159 00:08:03,166 --> 00:08:04,861 You wouldn't! 160 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:08,002 Watch me! Now get the fudge out of my house. 161 00:08:10,773 --> 00:08:14,106 I brought more juice, Mr. Twig. Are you feeling any better? 162 00:08:14,310 --> 00:08:16,369 I don't know who'd want to hurt you. 163 00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:19,742 I promise nobody will ever hurt you again, ever. 164 00:08:19,949 --> 00:08:22,918 Mr. Twig, are you okay? Mr. Twig? 165 00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:27,518 Mr. Twig is broken in half! 166 00:08:27,723 --> 00:08:31,955 Who did this?! You won't get away with this, you bastards! 167 00:08:32,161 --> 00:08:34,220 Okay. Thank you, Mr. Cochran. 168 00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:38,764 He'll take my case if I can pay his legal fee. $2 million. 169 00:08:38,968 --> 00:08:41,835 Ask those famous people you knew. They're rich. 170 00:08:42,038 --> 00:08:44,973 They wouldn't remember me. All I did was cook for them. 171 00:08:45,174 --> 00:08:46,573 We'll help raise the money. 172 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:50,735 I appreciate that, but raising $2 million is not easy. 173 00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:54,883 My only hope is to whore myself to every woman in town. 174 00:08:55,084 --> 00:08:57,314 Wish me luck, children. 175 00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,613 - We've got to help him. - Yeah, but how? 176 00:08:59,822 --> 00:09:03,815 Maybe those rock stars will remember Chef. Let's pay them a visit! 177 00:09:08,331 --> 00:09:11,266 - This house is huge! - It's bigger than Cartman's ass. 178 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,900 No, it isn't, you guys. 179 00:09:13,102 --> 00:09:14,296 Can I help you? 180 00:09:14,503 --> 00:09:16,528 We're raising money for our friend. 181 00:09:16,739 --> 00:09:19,708 Would you like a Moon Crunchy or a Snacky Cake? 182 00:09:19,909 --> 00:09:21,968 - Are you Elton John? - I'm his butler. 183 00:09:22,411 --> 00:09:25,471 Then what are we talking to you for? Come on, guys. 184 00:09:25,681 --> 00:09:28,445 - Are you Elton John? - Sir Elton John. I was knighted. 185 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:33,588 - We're raising money for our Chef. - We have Chocolate Nuggies- 186 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:36,083 - I'm not a candy bar fan. - What? 187 00:09:36,292 --> 00:09:37,953 Please, our friend Chef- 188 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,593 You mean Chef, Chef? 189 00:09:39,795 --> 00:09:41,262 - Yeah. - You remember him? 190 00:09:41,464 --> 00:09:43,455 I haven't seen him in so long! 191 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:47,329 I remember when I first met him. It was about 25 years ago. 192 00:09:47,536 --> 00:09:50,198 I was just a struggling musician. 193 00:09:50,406 --> 00:09:52,704 You're my cheddar cheese girl 194 00:09:52,908 --> 00:09:55,775 You're soft but firm And you go well with wine 195 00:09:55,978 --> 00:10:00,438 Oh, oh, cheddar cheese girl Cheddar, cheddar cheese girl 196 00:10:00,650 --> 00:10:02,277 Boo! 197 00:10:02,485 --> 00:10:06,512 Hey, Elton, don't feel so down. My Scottish haggis will cheer you up. 198 00:10:06,722 --> 00:10:09,486 Thanks. I just don't understand what I'm missing. 199 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:11,683 Look, Elton, you are a great singer. 200 00:10:11,894 --> 00:10:14,624 But a retarded monkey could write better lyrics. 201 00:10:14,830 --> 00:10:17,162 I thought I had it with " Cheddar Cheese Girl." 202 00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:19,561 You need a guy to write lyrics for you. 203 00:10:19,769 --> 00:10:23,728 I know a guy named Bernie Taupin who works at Moth Burger. I'll call him. 204 00:10:23,939 --> 00:10:24,928 Great idea! 205 00:10:25,141 --> 00:10:27,905 And, Elton, why don't you get some new threads? 206 00:10:28,110 --> 00:10:30,476 You know, some slick glasses and sh-t. 207 00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:32,079 So Bernie wrote my lyrics. 208 00:10:32,281 --> 00:10:35,045 Without Chef, I would never have had a music career. 209 00:10:35,251 --> 00:10:37,651 - So will you buy our candy bars? - Of course! 210 00:10:37,853 --> 00:10:41,118 - I'll buy three Crispy Yum Yums. - Three Crispy Yum Yums... 211 00:10:41,324 --> 00:10:44,691 Could you write a song for my girlfriend, Wendy, with these lyrics? 212 00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:49,194 Sure, but I would retain exclusive worldwide rights... 213 00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:52,890 ...with 20 percent commission on sales and ownership of publishing. 214 00:10:53,102 --> 00:10:54,069 Okay. 215 00:10:54,270 --> 00:10:56,363 - Tell Chef I said hi! - Thanks, dude! 216 00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:58,335 We'll have the money in no time! 217 00:11:00,276 --> 00:11:03,336 - Oy, thank you, Chef. - No problem, Ms. Broflovski. 218 00:11:03,546 --> 00:11:06,606 - Now, about that hundred bucks? - Of course, here you go. 219 00:11:06,816 --> 00:11:08,147 Leaving so soon? 220 00:11:08,351 --> 00:11:11,377 I got a long way to go to raise the money I need. 221 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:13,179 Best of luck to you then. 222 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:16,551 - How was it, honey? - Pretty much what I expected. 223 00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:19,960 - Are you Meat Loaf? - Yeah, what do you want? 224 00:11:20,162 --> 00:11:23,097 Mr. Loaf, we're selling candy for our dying friend- 225 00:11:23,299 --> 00:11:25,290 - He's not dying! - Shut your mouth. 226 00:11:25,501 --> 00:11:27,696 We have Nilla Crunchies, Berry bars- 227 00:11:27,903 --> 00:11:29,370 - What's it for? - Chef. 228 00:11:29,572 --> 00:11:31,437 - Chef's in trouble? - You know him? 229 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:32,538 Do I! 230 00:11:34,977 --> 00:11:37,878 - Nobody came again. - There, there, Cous-Cous. 231 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:41,106 - Maybe you should change your image. - What do you mean? 232 00:11:41,317 --> 00:11:45,083 Nobody wants to see a guy named Cous-Cous. You need a beefy name. 233 00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:46,720 Beefy? Like, uh... 234 00:11:47,356 --> 00:11:48,254 Tri-tip! 235 00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:50,891 That's not bad. Here, have some meat loaf. 236 00:11:51,093 --> 00:11:52,651 I owe everything to Chef. 237 00:11:52,862 --> 00:11:54,989 - Wow! So you'll help him? - You bet. 238 00:11:55,197 --> 00:11:58,530 - Give me a box of Nilla Yum Yums. - Cool! 239 00:11:59,835 --> 00:12:01,962 Let's get this show on the road! 240 00:12:02,171 --> 00:12:06,107 Hold on a second, Ms. Crabtree. Would you like to use some sex toys? 241 00:12:06,308 --> 00:12:09,175 - Sex toys? Like what? - Like this very special device. 242 00:12:09,378 --> 00:12:11,778 - "Chef's pleasure bag." - How does it work? 243 00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:15,940 You put this paper bag on your head to increase your sexual pleasure. 244 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,484 Really? Well, hell, let's give it a shot! 245 00:12:18,687 --> 00:12:20,678 Oh, yeah, that's much better. 246 00:12:20,890 --> 00:12:22,585 I'll do anything for Chef! 247 00:12:22,792 --> 00:12:25,260 - Give me a box of Choco Nummers! - Thanks, Rick James! 248 00:12:25,461 --> 00:12:28,726 That's $35! Come on, let's get this money to Chef! 249 00:12:30,933 --> 00:12:34,096 Oh, that was wonderful, Chef! Good show! 250 00:12:34,970 --> 00:12:37,200 I can't keep doing this. It's killing me. 251 00:12:37,406 --> 00:12:41,206 - Come on, buck up, fella! - I'm serious. I'm not gonna make it. 252 00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:45,972 Sure you are, Chef! I'll give you 100 more for another romp! 253 00:12:46,982 --> 00:12:47,971 Aw, hell. 254 00:12:48,417 --> 00:12:50,442 Thanks for coming, Officer Barbrady. 255 00:12:50,653 --> 00:12:53,315 - What's this all about? - These pictures just arrived. 256 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:56,980 I set up a camera and caught Mr. Twig's assailant red-handed! 257 00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,093 Now go arrest him! 258 00:13:01,096 --> 00:13:03,189 - What? - Can I go now? 259 00:13:03,799 --> 00:13:05,460 Yes. Yes, I'm sorry. 260 00:13:06,168 --> 00:13:06,998 Weirdo. 261 00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:10,070 It can't be. These can't be right. 262 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,974 Mr. Hat! 263 00:13:20,082 --> 00:13:22,380 - Wait! What are you doing? - It's over. 264 00:13:22,585 --> 00:13:26,214 I couldn't raise the money, so now I have to go to jail. 265 00:13:26,422 --> 00:13:27,684 - No, you don't! - Huh? 266 00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,791 We raised money by selling candy bars to rock stars! 267 00:13:30,993 --> 00:13:33,484 Did what? Wow! How much did you make? 268 00:13:34,163 --> 00:13:37,894 You can see here that we raised approximately $95. 269 00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:41,433 Falling well short of our $2 million goal, here. 270 00:13:42,471 --> 00:13:45,872 But we can put it with what you made whoring. How much did you make? 271 00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:49,044 I made about $410,300 but- 272 00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:51,577 It doesn't matter. It belongs to me! 273 00:13:51,780 --> 00:13:55,045 - It's illegal to take Chef's money! - I'm above the law! 274 00:13:56,051 --> 00:13:59,680 - All right, time to go. - Bye, children. Thanks for your help. 275 00:13:59,889 --> 00:14:00,878 Let's go. 276 00:14:01,690 --> 00:14:03,123 What did you do that for? 277 00:14:03,325 --> 00:14:06,692 I don't tell you how to do your job, don't tell me how to do mine. 278 00:14:08,631 --> 00:14:11,191 - Dude, Chef is gone. - No more Chef. 279 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:15,063 No more Salisbury steak and pecan pie. 280 00:14:16,305 --> 00:14:17,272 We can't let him down. 281 00:14:17,473 --> 00:14:20,203 - It's over. He's gone. - He wouldn't give up on us. 282 00:14:20,409 --> 00:14:22,843 - How many times has he saved us? - Four. 283 00:14:23,045 --> 00:14:24,137 But what'll we do? 284 00:14:24,346 --> 00:14:26,871 - It's easy, dude. Chef Aid. - Chef Aid? 285 00:14:27,082 --> 00:14:29,915 We set up a stage and have Cartman do the German dance. 286 00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:31,450 Then we sell tickets. 287 00:14:31,654 --> 00:14:33,315 - That's a great idea! - Yeah! 288 00:14:36,825 --> 00:14:38,622 Did you think I'd take you back? 289 00:14:38,827 --> 00:14:42,422 That you can walk out and come back like nothing happened? 290 00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:46,226 Don't look at me like that. Remember, you're the one that left! 291 00:14:46,435 --> 00:14:47,902 I'm not taking you back! 292 00:14:48,103 --> 00:14:51,163 You can just go to hell! You go to hell and you die! 293 00:14:51,941 --> 00:14:54,409 You're a lying bowl of turd, Mr. Hat! 294 00:14:54,610 --> 00:14:57,977 I hope you starve, you lousy son of a bitch! 295 00:14:58,447 --> 00:15:01,382 What are you looking at? This is between me and Mr. Hat. 296 00:15:01,584 --> 00:15:04,576 It's over, Mr. Garrison. This is it. We've had enough. 297 00:15:04,787 --> 00:15:05,754 What do you mean? 298 00:15:05,955 --> 00:15:08,549 It's the big house for you, fruitcake. 299 00:15:08,757 --> 00:15:10,224 What? Jail? 300 00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:15,261 I will do the German dance for you It's fun and gay and tra-la-la 301 00:15:15,464 --> 00:15:18,331 I hope you will enjoy my dance 302 00:15:18,534 --> 00:15:20,900 - This isn't going well. - He should put more into it. 303 00:15:21,103 --> 00:15:22,229 Dance better! 304 00:15:22,438 --> 00:15:27,375 Would you like some sauerkraut? Yes, I would like sauerkraut 305 00:15:27,743 --> 00:15:29,040 Howdy ho, boys! 306 00:15:29,244 --> 00:15:33,044 - Elton John! What are you doing here? - I knew you'd need help. 307 00:15:33,248 --> 00:15:35,375 - Boy, do we! - So I called a few friends. 308 00:15:35,584 --> 00:15:37,609 And we all decided to come over! 309 00:15:37,820 --> 00:15:40,448 - Wow, cool! - I see you've got a stage for us. 310 00:15:40,656 --> 00:15:41,623 Dude, it's yours! 311 00:15:41,824 --> 00:15:44,315 Then let's rock and roll! Or something similar. 312 00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:45,424 Hooray! 313 00:15:47,429 --> 00:15:50,091 And Mr. Twig has no idea Mr. Hat is even back. 314 00:15:50,299 --> 00:15:53,666 I care a lot about Mr. Twig, but Mr. Hat and I have so much history. 315 00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:56,064 - Finally snapped, huh, Garrison? - What? 316 00:15:56,271 --> 00:15:57,898 Don't you get it, Garrison? 317 00:15:58,107 --> 00:16:00,575 It's all you. You're Mr. Hat and Mr. Twig. 318 00:16:00,776 --> 00:16:04,075 You've got split personality schizophrenic-jeebies. 319 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:08,974 I warn you, don't even think of taking advantage of me in this prison cell. 320 00:16:09,184 --> 00:16:14,121 Thanks for coming to Chef Aid! Are you ready to rock and roll? 321 00:16:18,127 --> 00:16:21,927 All right, let's get things going with Rancid! 322 00:16:22,631 --> 00:16:24,929 California sun has sunk 323 00:16:25,134 --> 00:16:27,898 Behind Anaheim hills Here it comes tonight 324 00:16:28,103 --> 00:16:30,401 I was high on junk- 325 00:16:33,909 --> 00:16:37,675 You still aren't entertaining ideas of raping me, are you, Chef? 326 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,576 - No, Garrison! Shut the hell up! - That's good. 327 00:16:40,783 --> 00:16:43,081 - What the-! - Oh, boy! We're free! 328 00:16:43,285 --> 00:16:45,219 Wow, what a daring rescue! 329 00:16:45,821 --> 00:16:47,550 Mr. Hat! 330 00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:50,247 Mr. Hat saved us, Chef! 331 00:16:50,559 --> 00:16:53,357 Let's get in the truck! I'll drive from here, Mr. Hat. 332 00:16:54,129 --> 00:16:55,824 How'd he reach the gas pedal? 333 00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:02,802 - Rick James, ladies and gentlemen! - God bless you, Chef! 334 00:17:03,005 --> 00:17:05,769 And now, here's your favorite band, Primus! 335 00:17:05,974 --> 00:17:09,341 We're damn proud to be here to support our good buddy Chef. 336 00:17:09,545 --> 00:17:12,275 In the early days, Chef told us to keep trying... 337 00:17:12,481 --> 00:17:16,884 ...and to keep pursuing our dreams even if we sucked. I love that man. 338 00:17:20,589 --> 00:17:21,954 What are you doing? 339 00:17:22,157 --> 00:17:24,785 Raising money so Chef can sue you! 340 00:17:24,993 --> 00:17:27,723 Now get out before I kick you in the nuts! 341 00:17:27,930 --> 00:17:29,795 We'll just see about this! 342 00:17:29,998 --> 00:17:32,193 Now here's Joe Strummer. 343 00:17:32,401 --> 00:17:34,392 When The Clash were on tour, and we lost the beat... 344 00:17:34,603 --> 00:17:36,503 ...Chef was in the wings going... 345 00:17:36,705 --> 00:17:39,833 ..."Don't forget, pump your loins, children." 346 00:17:40,042 --> 00:17:42,636 That was, like, his motto or something. 347 00:17:44,079 --> 00:17:47,480 Well it's a rockin' world Make no mistake about it 348 00:17:47,683 --> 00:17:50,846 It's a shockin' world Could be what's so great about it 349 00:17:51,053 --> 00:17:52,020 It's a rockin' world 350 00:17:52,221 --> 00:17:54,246 What the hell is this? 351 00:17:54,690 --> 00:17:56,783 Welcome to Chef Aid, Chef! 352 00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:59,961 - How'd you get out of jail? - Mr. Hat busted me out. 353 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,630 - Children, did you do this? - Well, we helped! 354 00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:05,766 - We're gonna raise your money! - I don't believe it! 355 00:18:06,635 --> 00:18:10,435 We'll just see how long this Chef Aid thing lasts. 356 00:18:11,106 --> 00:18:14,769 And now, here he is, TV's Ozzy Osbourne! 357 00:18:14,977 --> 00:18:19,710 We're all here to help our friend Chef, who has touched our lives. 358 00:18:19,915 --> 00:18:24,147 I remember when I was starting out, Chef suggested I buy a pompadour hat. 359 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:27,652 I thought he said, "Bite the head off a bat," so I did. 360 00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:30,620 And the rest? Oh, it's just history. 361 00:18:30,826 --> 00:18:32,691 Now, let's go crazy! 362 00:18:34,997 --> 00:18:36,726 Ain't nowhere to run 363 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:41,692 Ain't nowhere to hide 364 00:18:43,839 --> 00:18:46,330 Oh, my God, Ozzy Osbourne bit Kenny's head off! 365 00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:47,440 You bastard! 366 00:18:47,643 --> 00:18:50,111 And now, here's Ween! 367 00:18:50,412 --> 00:18:53,848 - We're happy to be at Chef Aid. - Chef told us to do a country album. 368 00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:57,018 - No, dude, that was Steve's idea. - Then who's Chef? 369 00:18:57,219 --> 00:19:01,553 - I thought you knew him. - Anyways, here's our song. 370 00:19:02,157 --> 00:19:04,318 Many colors in the homo rainbow 371 00:19:04,526 --> 00:19:07,984 Don't be afraid To let your color shine 372 00:19:09,865 --> 00:19:13,130 Don't worry, Mr. Twig. Even though Mr. Hat rescued me... 373 00:19:13,335 --> 00:19:15,064 ...I'm gonna stick with you. 374 00:19:15,270 --> 00:19:18,967 "Do you love him?" It doesn't matter. He left me! 375 00:19:19,174 --> 00:19:22,075 "Do you love him?" Yes. 376 00:19:22,277 --> 00:19:23,608 "Then run to him." 377 00:19:23,812 --> 00:19:26,110 But I feel I'd be making the wrong decision. 378 00:19:26,315 --> 00:19:29,512 "Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. 379 00:19:29,718 --> 00:19:33,210 If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler... 380 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,617 ...but much less magical." 381 00:19:35,824 --> 00:19:39,453 I'll never forget you, Mr. Twig. Thank you. 382 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:44,255 And now, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John! 383 00:19:44,967 --> 00:19:47,162 Thank you all for coming to help Chef! 384 00:19:47,369 --> 00:19:51,135 This is a song written by a very special little boy. 385 00:19:51,340 --> 00:19:53,774 I don't know his name, but who cares? 386 00:19:53,976 --> 00:19:56,444 Anyway, he wrote it for his girlfriend. 387 00:19:56,812 --> 00:19:58,677 Wake up, Wendy 388 00:19:59,381 --> 00:20:00,871 Smell the coffee 389 00:20:01,083 --> 00:20:03,779 - Dude, that's your song for Wendy! - You're a wuss! 390 00:20:13,962 --> 00:20:16,863 I win, you lose. Chef Aid is over! 391 00:20:17,065 --> 00:20:22,002 And you didn't raise near enough to pay Cochran's legal fees! I win! 392 00:20:23,705 --> 00:20:25,764 And what happened then? 393 00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:27,965 Well, in South Park they say... 394 00:20:28,176 --> 00:20:31,873 ...Johnnie Cochran's heart grew three sizes that day. 395 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:33,342 Wait! 396 00:20:33,715 --> 00:20:36,115 Mr. Chef, this music has really touched me. 397 00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:38,582 I'd like to take up your case. Free of charge! 398 00:20:38,787 --> 00:20:40,687 - You will? - I will. 399 00:20:43,859 --> 00:20:45,827 See you in court, Mr. Record Producer. 400 00:20:46,428 --> 00:20:47,656 No! 401 00:20:49,865 --> 00:20:51,093 Ladies and gentlemen... 402 00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:54,463 ...of the supposed jury, you must now decide on reversing... 403 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,194 ...the decision for my client. 404 00:20:56,405 --> 00:20:59,340 I know he seems guilty, but, ladies and gentlemen... 405 00:20:59,541 --> 00:21:02,533 ...this is Chewbacca. Now think about that for a minute. 406 00:21:02,744 --> 00:21:04,473 That does not make sense. 407 00:21:04,746 --> 00:21:08,238 Why talk about Chewbacca, when a man's life is on the line? I'll tell you. 408 00:21:08,450 --> 00:21:10,577 I don't know. It doesn't make sense. 409 00:21:10,786 --> 00:21:13,653 If Chewbacca does not make sense, you must acquit! 410 00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:16,380 Look at the monkey. Look at the silly monkey. 411 00:21:19,127 --> 00:21:21,288 Chef, how does it feel to be a free man... 412 00:21:21,496 --> 00:21:24,693 ...and finally have credit on the song " Stinky Britches"? 413 00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:27,562 It feels great. I just can't find the words... 414 00:21:27,769 --> 00:21:30,135 ...to thank the artists who put on Chef Aid. 415 00:21:30,339 --> 00:21:32,933 Most of all, I want to thank the children. 416 00:21:33,141 --> 00:21:35,803 - What'll you do now? - Get back to what's important. 417 00:21:36,011 --> 00:21:39,742 It's Tuesday, and that means tomorrow is Tuna Casserole day. 32390

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