Original subtitles

Thank you.

the internet.

Looks like a storm's coming in.

They predict thunderstorms and high winds for most of the day tomorrow.

Oh, how lovely.

Last year, our special day was ruined by clear skies and moderate temperatures.

Aunt Lily, that's right.

You and Uncle Herman are celebrating your wedding anniversary tomorrow.

How long have you two been together?

Oh, 200 glorious years.

Of course, most of the original Herman I married has been replaced with new

parts. But through it all, he's kept the same head on his shoulder.

You just say the word, and we'll swap it out, okay?

Oh, Grandpa.

Marilyn, dear.

Yes? Could you hand me my paper, please?

Looks like housing prices are skyrocketing again.

$20 ,000 for a coffin in a decent neighborhood. Decent neighborhood. Have

ever seen the cemetery on the west side? I resent that, Grandpa.

You know full well that most of my left side is from the west side.

Good morning, dear.

Grandpa, can you hand me the sports section?

I want to see how my old college basketball team is doing.

The star player died in an automobile accident last week.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Uncle Herman.

It's okay.

Now he plays for the zombies.

Off to the practice spot. We got a really, really big gig tonight.

Hey, Eddie.

You think there might be any room in that band of yours for your old grandpa?

You know, when I was a young man, I really used to wail on my flugelhorn.

Way too much information, Grandpa.

Well, I'd better get going, too.

And where are you off to?

Never you mind, honey.

I just have to pick up a little something before tomorrow.

Oh.

And what are you doing today?

Oh, Aunt Lily, I'm so excited.

Ted called last night.

Your long -distance boyfriend?

Yes. After three years overseas, he's finally here.

He just called out of the blue.

Well, I'm off to the market.

I like to get there early before they throw away the rotten meat from the day

before. So it looks like you'll have the whole place to yourself.

Right, Grandpa?

I'll be in my coffin.

I can't believe you came home for me.

I've been waiting for this for so, so long.

Am I Mr. Coggin now?

Yes.

Thank you.

Mm -mm.

You better go, Ted. My Aunt Lily is going to be homesick, and I needed some

to clean this place up.

Okay?

Oh, wait, Lily.

See you later.

It took me a little while to find the right one.

You got the cash?

I think you'll find it's all there.

Dr. Seidelman, line one, please. Dr.

Seidelman?

Beat it before somebody sees you.

Grandpa, where have you been?

You look positively beat.

But I'm glad you came.

Here.

Take a look.

It should be perfect.

How are you doing?

I was wondering if you guys would do me a favor.

Yeah, I'm supposed to meet my girlfriend in a little while, but I've got an

emergency call. I've got to take it. I was wondering if you could tell her I

would meet her tonight after my shift.

It's our anniversary.

Great. Thanks.

So you guys feel okay?

You go ahead, Herman. I'll stay here and give her the message.

Why, that's very thoughtful of you, Grandpa. After all, an anniversary is a

special thing.

I'll talk to you later.

Anniversaries? I love anniversaries.

Hi. You need to have... I happen to see a muscular guy in scrubs here. May I get

a video?

He said he'd be right back.

Okay, good.

I've got a nice little present for him.

By now, any normal man my age would have had a heart attack.

Good thing I'm already dead.

Bottoms up.

Hopefully.

Hi, baby.

My pussy's nice and wet for you.

You're not talking, huh?

That's okay. I've got much better use for your tongue.

You can do a good job.

Oh, my God.

I'm going to pull my fucking mouth. Pull it on.

Pull it on. There you go.

Yeah. Fuck you.

Yeah.

Pull that cock right in your fucking mouth with my fucking balls.

You little fucking butt.

It's fucking hot.

Bite it.

Bite it.

Bite that cock. Bite it harder.

Yeah, fuck yeah.

it's a little bit

Thank you.

Yeah, right there on the head.

Right there.

It's finally getting sore.

It's finally getting sore.

my face.

Marilyn, you're glowing. Did you have a nice time this afternoon, Ted?

Oh, Aunt Lily, it was wonderful. Thank you.

Honey, I'm home.

We're in here, dear.

Is Grandpa home yet?

What do you mean?

Isn't he a slave downstairs in his lab?

Yes, of course he is. I mean, he couldn't be with me if he was here.

I mean, he couldn't be with anyone if he was here.

I think I'll go find him.

So cute, and he's trying to surprise me.

What do you think's in the box?

Oh, probably a bouquet of...

Disease, dying flowers, covered in worms.

You know how picky I am.

Grandpa!

Grandpa, are you in here?

Are you sure you're going to have enough energy to do this?

Can you give me a minute, Herman?

It's been a very busy day.

Well, it's the tape that got fans of Eddie and the Bruisers howling with

delight. It seems every rock star these days has a scandalous sex video. Eddie

Munster, sex video, any truth?

No. Are you sure?

Yes. And on the night of his big concert, Eddie Munster is no exception.

Warning, the following footage contains scenes of a graphic sexual nature which

may or may not include full penetration of one or more girls over 18 and a

werewolf. Neither this station or the producers of this show claim any

responsibility for the persons and or sex acts depicted in this or any other

grainy night vision footage anonymously placed in our mailroom.

I haven't learned in a while.

Ah.

What, Freddy? Come on!

this will work, Grandpa?

No.

What do you mean?

I mean I'm mostly sure, as in probably.

Look at it this way. It should work.

Herman, at this point, your body's just a big science experiment anyhow.

Relax, will ya?

You're like a giant exoskeleton.

If I screw up, we'll try again.

Good morning, Marilyn.

Good morning, Aunt Lily, Uncle Herman.

Happy anniversary.

Thank you, my dear.

Herman's taking me to the sanitarium.

It's the place we first met.

We were both there visiting friends and, well, one thing led to another.

And then he's taking me on a picnic to the cemetery.

It's where we shared our first kiss.

And you know, it's also where Herman was born.

Good old Mockingbird Cemetery.

You know, I owe a lot to the folks out there. They really made me who I am.

Well,

it sounds simply wonderful.

Have fun, you two.

Oh, we will.

Fuck you.

Not before you blow me.

Blow you in this creepy cemetery?

Hell yeah.

Right here, right now.

Is that what you want?

That's what I want, baby.

I don't have to wake up the fucking day.

Mm -hmm.

Food.

Oh, you want to smell that fucking spit all over your dick?

Yeah, you want it nasty in this fucking cemetery.

when you try to take the...

I don't know

You nasty baby. Maybe you'll wake up the dead. Oh, yes. Work that big fucking

cock in my tiny little fuck ball.

Oh, just like that.

Mmm, look how wet I'm making it. Yeah, it's so fucking hot. I love watching

tiny little pussy. Fuck!

I can't not.

Thank you, Bill.

talk anyway.

What the fuck is this?

Holy shit!

Oh, dear.

You've got a little something on your chin.

Excuse me, miss.

We're wondering if we could set our picnic basket here. That is, if you're

leaving.

The sea bath I smell.

Well, I know it's your favorite.

I got a little surprise for you.

Oh, Herman, you shouldn't have.

You ready?

Close your eyes.

Okay.

Okay.

That's the nastiest thing I've ever seen.

You really like it?

Oh, it's bitter, eh?

I went through the pines.

Oh, you like my new coat?

Oh, my God.

Oh.