Original subtitles

The issue here is sex, or rather, the lack of sex.

As we all know, the men of the world have become completely and totally

impotent. And what is worse, no one seems to know the reason why.

The women are very angry and demanding that something be done.

Crazy women.

It is rumored that the First Lady has locked herself in her room and accosted

flower vase in protest. Billy, you didn't. I didn't do that. That's

And these godforsaken areas are located in the upper... Gentlemen, we've got to

find the cure.

The welfare of the entire world is at stake, all right?

It's a communist plot. They're putting something in our drinking water.

Now, look, the Russians can't get it up any more than we can.

Now, can't our scientists come up with something?

They have a hundred theories, sir, but I think it's the air we breathe.

Our economy is dying.

The diaper people are at my throats. Construction is down.

Housing's in trouble.

Everybody's suffering. Sugar from sucrose. You have it for breakfast. It's

for you.

Damn sweet.

Dr. Wiesenthal, sir, says that sugar is the cause of this whole problem.

She's a fanatic.

She also claims that the damage is irreversible.

Sir, she's also a highly respected scientist.

Not commie.

Set me up with an appointment with her right away.

We now consume nearly 6 ,000 pounds of sugar per person per year.

Damn. And sugar prices have risen 12 ,000 % over the last few years.

Somebody is making a bundle and destroying the world all at the same

do you recommend?

Stop all sugar imports.

Mr. President, your actions are putting a strain on the relations between our

countries.

I'm sorry, Mr. Sugarman, but our scientists claim that it's your sugar

causing the world's problems.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

In our country, we have more sugar than the world combined.

We have absolutely no problem with fucking.

You don't? We don't.

You mean your men aren't impotent?

That's right.

Look, before you do nothing, fly down, see for yourself.

All right. I'll accept your invitation.

Buen.

Excellent idea.

Let's go on.

Come on, honey. Let's go.

Now, did you believe?

We stuff ourselves with sugar and are as potent as a day we turn 80.

Darling, what is it? What is it? Oh, it's all right, darling. It's just an

asthma attack.

Are you sure?

Oh, I'm just fine.

Okay.

You must look elsewhere for the answer to your problems. Mr. Sugarman, I'm

convinced that we can continue to do business.

Well, I'd like to stay here and study this phenomenon.

It will be a pleasure to have you. See, darling, I told you the effects of this

were not permanent. There is hope.

Ah, a toast with our wonderful sugar wife.

To the continued good relations between both our countries.

To good relations.

Screw the relations.

Here's to fucking.

Oh

All right.

No! No! No!

been too much for my wife.

I think you'll have to excuse us.

Oh, yes. Yes, I understand completely.

Thank you.

Spit

that

stuff out! Spit it out, you asshole! That's enough of this poison! The show

over!

I don't know. I don't know.

Oh, give me.

Oh, listen.

You guys got it a little better than this. It's freezing in here.

Give me the bucket.

Listen, freedom's minus 200 degrees. This is maybe minus 180.

You guys do me 20 degrees better.

Listen, give me ice, you monkeys. You fucking monkeys got to get more ice.

We can't get you anymore. Listen, you get more ice or I'll break your fucking

neck. Get out of here.

He's our leader.

He's our leader. We're getting ice.

This fucking planet.

This fucking planet.

Mr.

President? Leave me alone. I've got a headache.

You always have a headache.

Maybe I ought to stay in Triclosia.

At least I have some fun.

I'm going to sleep.

Oh, I'm sorry, Doctor. We're going to miss you at the Capitol.

Well, I've changed my mind. I'm not going to stay here.

Well, why the sudden change?

Look here.

Mr. Sugarman is an alien from the planet Zeon.

Well, no.

Really, Doctor, I do... No, honest. I saw him. He sleeps in an ice house.

It's 180 degrees below zero, and it's still too hot for him. I know you've

under tremendous strain, Doctor.

I'm not under any strain. You've got to believe me.

Now, I know that a prolonged absence of sex can do strange things to a human

psyche. Ask my wife if you don't believe me.

Get your bags. We'll be leaving soon, all right?

Come on, honey.

Committee members, there you have it.

The Earth is impotent.

Those Earthlings haven't been the brightest creatures in the universe.

But don't forget, they're the ones that re -taught us the art of sucking and

fucking. We owe them.

You're right about that.

The situation is desperate. We have to send them an emissary.

We already gave them Superman.

Yes, but what good is he?

Hey, he's laid up on the earth with the rest of the men.

Oh, no.

Yes.

Anyway, this problem requires special handling.

Someone with very special talent.

A woman.

Ultra -flesh.

Yeah, that's for me, ultra -flesh.

We're gonna bring Ultra Flesh out of retirement.

Ultra Flesh!

Ultra Flesh! Ultra Flesh! Ultra

Flesh!

Greetings from all of us beautiful, beautiful ultra -flesh.

Members of the Galactic Federation.

It's been a long, long time.

We're sorry to bring you out of retirement, but there's been a most

situation on Earth.

That's too bad.

I always liked the Earth.

The men there are all impotent.

Oh, no.

I always liked to go there. I remember Mark Anthony's entire army.

The legions of Rome.

There was never impotence there before.

Well, there is now.

Sugar Man from the planet Freon is behind this conspiracy.

He's trying to prepare Earth for his own people. You see, Freon is warming up.

And the Earth is in for another ice age.

And as you know, the people from Freon need cold.

So remember.

Don't get too close to him.

His cock can turn you to clay.

Luckily, your power is in your pussy.

So if you're ever in trouble, you can melt him away by coming.

You know, coming with Sugar Man wouldn't be the easiest thing in the world.

Don't worry.

I'll give you a fantasy that will overcome anything.

Bye -bye.

That was one hell of a fantasy.

Thank you.

You're welcome, Ultra.

Now listen.

We're sending you to Earth on the tail of a comet.

It's already programmed to hit Crumble Hall.

This could be a mighty big job.

Don't worry.

We'll send you back up if you need.

Here comes the comet.

Take care, Ultra.

If we were behind this, would my people be suffering too?

has been cut in half.

You two are giving me such a headache.

I cannot believe it.

Believe it. The people of China cannot...

In my country, they would be whipped.

In my country, they would be shot.

This is the second week of the protest and the second day of the summit

conference of the world leaders.

The conference has moved from Harve's bumper cars to Crumble Ball Barnes for

security reasons, when a confrontation occurred between children and the

leaders.

Is anyone going to say anything, or are we still not talking to one another?

What's there to talk?

I'm in real trouble.

If I don't return with hold on, my people will cut off my teeth.

Because that's the only cock that can crow here.

What the hell did he say?

He said...

I've got elections coming up, and any peasant with a hard -on can run me out

office.

I'm in the same boat, gentlemen.

Excuse me, Mr. President.

What? Our radar has picked up a strange object in the sky, and it's heading

straight for Camp Crumbleball.

What is it? We're not sure, sir, but it looks like a comet.

Shut the door!

There's no time! It's going to hit the fucking ground!

I am Ultra Flesh, sent from the Galactic Federation to save the world.

What did

he say, Brad?

He said now he can go back and fuck all of Russia.

I think he has already done that.

We'll have to call a press conference and tell the world we can fuck again.

Look at me, sir.

Shut up, Brad.

You may all have erections, but you're not ready to fuck yet.

First, you have to make it with me.

Beautiful. Shut up.

Oh, how they do it.

Red, what's he saying? Oh, my God.

Mother, my mother.

I'm next in line, Mr. President, after everybody.

Don't forget me.

Shut up, Brad.

Now you have the seat of potency.

Go forth and fuck the world.

Whomever you come in contact with will gain this potency and pass it on to the

next person and so on and so on. It will spread like VD throughout the world.

Her rage suddenly causes men to fornicate again.

This woman has plagued me for centuries.

But I'm going to get even with her this time.

But how?

You can't do that. You can't get near her. She's too hot for you.

But I have the secret ultimate weapon, stupid.

The super frozen cannon dong.

I'm going to fuck her and freeze her to death.

Nobody can survive the super frozen cannon dong.

President, we've got to call out the enforcement.

Call out the National Guard.

Men, they're beginning to tear down the front gates.

This isn't going to work.

What?

There's too many men.

Well, what do you suggest?

First of all, we set up a place for my working quarters.

Then we screen all of the men so we get an equal amount from each section of the

country. That way we could slowly but surely get the job done.

Well, I guess you're right. What do you think, Brad?

Might work, sir. All right. Next.

Here's my application.

Eleven months, huh?

Okay, you can go ahead.

Thank you.

Next.

Hello. Hi.

Hi.

Don't be nervous.

I'm nervous.

Next.

that have been impotent the longest. Those with nine bad months or less,

leave.

Those with 10 bad months, line up here. Those with 11 bad months or more,

line up over here.

No, no, no, no

I'm coming!

Jack has finally got his beanstalk.

Jesus,

it's cold out here.

Hope the president gets done with that meeting soon.

Come on, let's go inside. At least you can be warm while we wait.

Okay.

You know, doctor, I'm surprised to see you back here.

Now that we've solved the problem.

But that's just it. We haven't solved anything.

I came to tell the president that if we don't stop eating sugar, the whole

thing's going to happen all over again.

You sure, doctor?

I've researched it long enough.

Come on in, Doctor.

Make yourself comfortable, and I'll see if the President is through with his

meeting yet. Thank you, Ben.

Come on.

Next.

Next.

Lovely.

Would you like a sample?

A lot.

Burn, sugar man.

Burn.

This is not the end of it.

We'll be back.

I think it's time to call out the reinforcements.

Ultra needs help.

I agree.

Hey, look!

There's naked broads falling from the sky. Hundreds of them. Hundreds of them.

Ugh.

Oh, yes.

a $50 wager on this game.

No, I'm sorry. I never bet with my staff.

Oh.

25? All right, you're on.

Great.

Mr. President. What is it? Take a look outside.

Well, what... What in the... What are all those women doing out there?

Looks like an invasion, Brad.

Catastrophic, isn't it, sir?

Send for Alter immediately.

Right away. Brad, come on.

I've been waiting for this. Oh,

look at here.

Did you bring your snake bite kit? Oh, I forgot it.

So you better mind your P's and Q's.

No, keep it away.

I want to be next.

Why don't you watch outside?

I'll watch outside.

Water skin will stay in good view.

I've been waiting for this for a long time.

You ever been laid by a midget before?

You're gonna like this.

Wow.

It's fantastic.

You see, Mr. President, it's big.

I know, I know.

No, not that. The job, it's too big for me to do on my own.

Oh, I see.

Just fantastic.

Unbelievable. Brad, will you shut up?

My fleshheads.

Well, that's nice.

I've trained them myself, personally.

They certainly appear to be.

I'm tired.

You see, even my energy cells need revitalizing once in a while.

Oh, Altra, you do need a rest.

How inconsiderate of us to think you could go on screwing forever.

Why don't you stay up here and rest with us for a while? Well, thank you, Mr.

President. I'd be delighted.

You'd like that, wouldn't you, darling?

Oh, Sugar Man could very possibly come here.

He's already tried to kill me once at my headquarters.

Sugarman? Yes, Sugarman. The limp dick demon.

You mean reason all was right all along.

I owe her an apology.

Now take off your blouse.

Or else.

Just keep him away from me.

You look good, Sam.

You're gonna like this.

You're doing it right.

Good. Suck it, man.

Suck it good.

Suck it good now. Don't fight.

Baby, it's something else.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, stop it.

No.

Submit.

Like this.

No, I don't.

Naboo, I hear you.

Right. You're being a good girl.

Come on, baby. Take it all in.

Take it home.

You think you're really big stuff, don't you?

Would you take it easy?

Stop it.

Where's the snake?

He's in you.

Is that you?

Who else would a bitch would eat?

How did it go?

Not so good.

You better get the can down ready.

She's really going to get fucked tonight.

Shut up, damn it. Oh, it's so hot.

But, look, the food is all defrosting. I know you have to stay cold any way you

can, but if the president finds out you've been fucking with his food,

have a head. You're going to have to eat some of this.

Peek -a -boo.

I see you.

I got tired of waiting out there. How's it going, youngster?

Oh, boy.

Where's Boris?

Boris. Boris.

Where's Boris? Boris.

Oh, there he is. There he is.

There he is.

Great.

Wait a minute. She's getting away.

Where is she?

There we go.

Oh!

Fuel pluggin'. Comin' around the corner, eh?

Mmm.

Half a locomotive.

engineer brad

Better than Silver Street.

Watch out, girls.

Here he comes.

Right down the track. Twenty -nine.

He's getting it with two women.

Same here.

Yeah, but there's only one thing left to do. What's that?

That's get the cannon, Doc. Right. Let's go.

Oh,

finally got some heat.

I need more heat.

Come on, old gold.

She's really going to get it this time.

Boy, is she. She'll get a big thrill out of this.

So much energy.

I've worked too hard.

Shift change.

Concern? There's double duty tomorrow.

Better get some rest. Okay.

Stay away.

I know you're too weak.

You ain't no condition now.

Stay away from me.

I got you. Do you know what I do now?

I turn on your machine.

No. No.

Lay back.

I know you've been fucking too much.

I know you got no energy.

I know after centuries, centuries of your troubling me, I got you finally

I got you. I'm going to turn you to... Clay, bitch.

Can't you do clay?

No. Yes.

Get away from me. I like it when you try and fight now, bitch. You're nothing.

Oh, boy.

You're just going to be frozen now.

Oh, it's cold. You're going to be frozen now.

It's a cock.

Ooh, it's really cold.

What? What? What?

They've seen us. They've seen us over there.

Who's seen you?

Oh, that naked woman down the hall.

You crazy little fuckers.

Get out of here. Try and stop her right now. Get out of here. Try and stop her.

Okay, okay, you're asking me to see her.

Get away from me.

I'm taking you out of here now. No. You shut your mouth. No.

He's bigger than both of us.

Hey, you. Hey, Blondie.

I've been waiting for this ultra.

Finish you for good now.

You've been waiting for this for centuries.

Save us.

Shut up. Save us.

She can't save you now, you... I'll melt him.

I got him.

I'll melt him.

I'm going to freeze these bricks now for good. Melt him.

I'm freak.