Original subtitles

THE COVETOUS SERPENT DID

CONSTRICT THOSE THAT LUXURIATED THEIR FINAL FEAST.

TONIGHT, THE SEVERAL HUNDRED ZIMBABWEAN MINERS THAT HAVE BEEN

TRAPPED IN A COLLAPSED SHAFT FOR WEEKS WILL BE GIVEN THE

CHARITABLE GIFT OF ENTERTAINMENT.

EXTREME METAL ARTISTS DETHKLOK HAVE DONATED THEIR FIRST CONCERT

AFTER SPENDING THREE MONTHS IN THE OCEAN RECORDING THEIR NEWEST

ALBUM WITH PRODUCER ABIGAIL REMELTINTDRINC.

Nathan: ♪ CAVERNOUS ♪ RAVENOUS

♪ BLEEDING MESS ♪ HIDDEN

♪ RANCOROUS ♪ EMPTY NEST

♪ DEADLY PEST ♪ RIDDEN

♪ CAUTIOUS, I WARN YOU ♪ WE SMELL YOU BLEEDING

♪ DIVIDE WE HUNT YOU ♪ YOUR TIME IS FLEETING

♪ AH ♪ WE WARN YOU

AAH!

Toki: JUST DIDS CONCERT.

HOW DO I'S KEEPS TOPPINGS MYSELF SO AMAZINGLY?

NOWS HANGINGS OUTS BACKSTAGE WITH MY PALS DETHKLOKS.

PICTURE TIMES! Pickles: NO, NO, NO.

Nathan: DON'T TAKE PICTURES!

Skwisgaar: [ GROANS ] Nathan: DON'T POST THAT.

Toki: I'M POSTING IT.

Nathan: DON'T TAG US IN IT.

Toki: TOO LATE! TAGGED!

Nathan: GOD DAMN IT!

Toki: HEY, DID YOU GUYS GETS MY FACEFRIENDS UPSDATE?

Nathan: YEAH, WE WOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN YOU WERE HANGING OUT

BACKSTAGE WITH US UNTIL YOU BLOGGED IT.

Toki: OH, MY GODS!

137,000 PEOPLE LIKES THAT, INCLUDING MY OLDS PALS,

DR. ROCKSO.

KU-KU-KU-KU!

DR. ROCKSO LIKES THAT UPDATE!

Murderface: OH, GOD.

GET A FUCKING LIFE.

Charles: OKAY, GUYS.

WE ARE SO CLOSE TO FINISHING THIS RECORD, BUT FIRST WE NEED

TO OKAY THE FINAL MIXES AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOU NEED TO

GET THAT LAST SONG FINISHED. WHERE ARE WE WITH THAT?

Nathan: WE ARE WORKING ON IT, MASTER.

Charles: VERY GOOD.

BUT IN THE MEANTIME, WE NEED TO SORT OUT ALBUM CREDITS.

YOU KNOW, WHO WROTE WHAT IN WHAT ORDER AND FROM LEAST IMPORTANT

TO GREATEST -- THAT SORT OF THING.

Murderface: I'M GONNA GET SOME REAL CREDITS ON THIS

RECORD.

I MEAN, I PUT IN THE FUCKING TIME OVER THE YEARS.

MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST TRIM THE FAT, YOU KNOW?

SOME OF THE NEWER MEMBERS WHO AREN'T REALLY PULLING THEIR

WEIGHT. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

[ Coughing ] TOKI.

Skwisgaar: OH.

Charles: ALSO, GUYS, WE HAVE THE MOST IMPORTANT DINNER OF OUR

LIVES WITH THE LABEL AND ALL OUR POINT PEOPLE, BUYERS, AND

DISTRIBUTORS, SO WE HAVE TO APPEAR AS ONE STRONG GROUP.

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DINNER WE WILL EVER HAVE.

♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK ♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK

♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK ♪ DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK!

DETHKLOK! ♪ [ BEEP ]

Nathan: HEY, ABIGAIL, IT'S NATHAN.

UH, OBVIOUSLY YOU AND I DID SOMETHING DOWN THERE AND IT'S --

MEANS A LOT.

OKAY. CALL ME BACK.

Skwisgaar: WHO'S THAT YOU WAS TALKINGS TO?

Nathan: IT WAS SOMEBODY.

Skwisgaar: SOUNDED VERY INTIMATES.

Nathan: ACTUALLY, DON'T TELL ANYBODY, BUT ME AND ABIGAIL KIND

OF SHARED A MOMENT WHEN WE WERE RECORDING UNDERWATER.

AND WE'LL PROBABLY END UP GETTING MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS.

Skwisgaar: OH, YEAH?

Nathan: SO DON'T -- DON'T TELL PICKLES, HUH?

Stampingston: GENTLEMEN, IT APPEARS AS IF DETHKLOK IS

NEGOTIATING THE CREDITS FOR THEIR NEW ALBUM.

Orlaag: THE NEGOTIATION OF SHOW-BUSINESS CREDITS IS A

BLACKENED SWORD THAT HAS PIERCED THE HEART OF MANY HOPEFUL SOULS.

Stampingston: NOW HERE TO DISCUSS MORE IS SHOW-BUSINESS

CREDITS AND INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS EXPERT, DR. COMMANDER

VERNMIM CHUNTSPINKTON.

MORE WOUNDS ARE OPENED BY THE DISCUSSION OF CREDITS THAN FROM

ANYTHING ELSE.

IT CAN UNEARTH THE DARK HIERARCHY IN ALL BANDS.

THE PERSON SITTING BEFORE YOU CAN APPEAR TO BE YOUR EQUAL, BUT

ONCE THE CREDITS ARE APPLIED, YOU WILL FIND THAT THEY ARE YOUR

SUPERIOR.

ON A GOOD DAY, CREDITS CAN REWARD THE HARD WORKERS AND

EXCLUDE THE SKIMPY CHARLATANS.

BUT ON A RARE OCCASION, THE WORST CAN HAPPEN.

THE GREEDY AND THE HALF-ASSED MEMBERS CAN BE REWARDED, THEREBY

INSULTING THE SOULS OF THE HARD WORKERS.

Stampingston: FURTHERMORE, PRODUCER ABIGAIL REMELTINTDRINC

HAS BECOME METTLESOME THAN WE'D ANTICIPATED.

Orlaag: FALLING FOR A CO-WORKER CAN ENSURE THE

COLLAPSE OF ANY BUSINESS.

Stampingston: YES.

Orlaag: AND THE END WILL SHORTLY FOLLOW.

Selatcia: THE TIME TO INTERVENE IS NEAR.

KU-KU-KU-KU!

PLAYING DARTS AND DR-DR-DRINKING!

Toki: YEAH, PLAYINGS DARTS AND DRINKINGS!

GOT IT!

OH, KU-KU-KU-KU! TAG ME!

Toki: I'M TAGGINGS YOU!

OH, KU-KU-KU-KU! SHOOTING IT! AAH!

KU-KU-KU-UH-OH.

[ RINGTONE PLAYS ] Toki: MURDERFACE. IGNORE.

YEAH, IGNORE THAT FAT FUCK Murderface: HE FUCKING

IGNORED ME!

TOKI, IT'S MURDERFACE, UH, FROM THE BAND DETHKLOK.

I GUESS WE'LL JUST CHECK YOUR FACEFRIENDS PROFILE TO SEE WHERE

YOU ARE!

WELL FUCKING EXHIBIT "A."

TOKI IS ABSENT AGAIN.

Charles: OKAY, WELL, LET'S BEGIN THE -- WHY ARE YOU WEARING

A SUIT?

Murderface: PEOPLE LIKE US WHO TAKE THEIR CAREER SERIOUSLY

WEAR SUITS, UNLIKE TOKI OR SKWISGAAR, FOR THAT MATTER, OR

NATHAN OR PICKLES.

Charles: LET'S FINALIZE THESE CREDITS, OKAY?

ABIGAIL, YOU STILL ON THE LINE?

I've been here waiting and waiting.

Charles: GREAT -- YOUR CREDIT IS THAT YOU CO-PRODUCED THE

RECORD WITH DETHKLOK. AM I RIGHT?

Yeah. Anything else?

Charles: NO. Thanks. Bye.

Nathan: OH, ABIGAIL, I, UH -- [ Dial tone ]

IT'S NATHAN. WE'LL TALK LATER.

Charles: OKAY, SO, NATHAN, PICKLES, SKWISGAAR, YOU NEED TO

SORT OUT YOUR USUAL STUFF.

YOU GUYS WROTE -- Nathan: I'M SORRY.

I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING.

CAN WE SAY THAT THE RECORD IS PRODUCED BY ABIGAIL AND NATHAN?

AND DETHKLOK?

Charles: UH, WHY?

YOU ARE IN DETHKLOK.

YOU THINK YOU CO-PRODUCED IT OUTSIDE OF BEING IN DETHKLOK?

Nathan: YES. I THINK SO.

ME -- NATHAN -- AND ABIGAIL, AND DETHKLOK PRODUCED THE RECORD.

Skwisgaar: AND SKWISGAAR DIDS, TOO.

Pickles: PICKLES DID.

Murderface: AND ME!

Charles: SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOU WANT IT TO SAY IT'S

PRODUCED BY ABIGAIL AND DETHKLOK AND NATHAN AND PICKLES AND

SKWISGAAR AND MURDERFACE AND TOKI --

Murderface: NO. NO TOKI.

HE CAN'T HAVE THAT CREDIT. HE'S NOT HERE.

Charles: WHY DON'T WE COME BACK TO THAT?

NATHAN, PICKLES, SKWISGAAR, YOU WROTE AND ARRANGED EVERYTHING.

LET'S JUST HAND YOUR SPECIAL THANKS IN.

LOOKS LIKE THIS ONE WAS PUT TOGETHER SIMILAR TO THE OTHER

ONES.

IS THAT ABOUT RIGHT, YEAH?

Together: YEAH.

Murderface: NO WAY.

LISTEN TO ME GOD DAMN IT.

I'M NOT GONNA FALL VICTIM TO ANOTHER OUT-SQUEEZING OF CREDIT.

Nathan: YOU PLAY BASS. YOU GET CREDIT FOR BASS.

WHAT ELSE IS IT THAT YOU WANT?

Murderface: I JUST DON'T PLAY BASS.

I SHOW UP WITH AN AMAZING ATTITUDE, AND I PUT MY LIFE AND

SOUL INTO THOSE BASS PARTS.

Skwisgaar: YEAH, BUT WE CUT YOUR STUFF AND I GOES IN AND

REDOES MOST OF YOUR BASS PLAYING.

Pickles: YEAH, HIS CREDITS SHOULD BE "SOME BASS PLAYED BY

MURDERFACE."

MAYBE WE CAN DO THAT.

Nathan: YEAH, SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE GETTING MAYBE TOO MUCH

CREDIT.

Murderface: STOP! STOP IT!

EVERYBODY, THIS IS ASININE!

I DEMAND THE FOLLOWING -- ONE, EXECUTIVE-PRODUCER CREDIT.

TWO, CO-MANAGEMENT CREDIT.

I CO-MANAGE THIS BAND!

I FUCKING DO WHETHER YOU REALIZE IT OR NOT.

LOOK AT MY SUIT!

HUH?!

THREE, BECAUSE OF MY REALLY GOOD ATTITUDE, I WANT 30% OF THE

SONGWRITING PUBLISHING, AND I WILL FUCKING NOT BUDGE ON THAT!

Charles: UH...WELL, THEN, UH, LET'S VOTE ON THIS.

UH, GUYS?

Nathan: NO.

Murderface: WHAT?

Charles: WAS THAT A VOTE FOR THE VOTING OR WAS THAT THE

ACTUAL VOTE?

Nathan: THAT'S BOTH.

Murderface: I WAS HERE FROM THE BEGINNING GOD DAMN IT!

Charles: OKAY. MOVING ON.

Murderface: NO!

I HAVE ONE MORE NEGOTIATING POINT.

IF YOU DO NOT ACQUIESCE, I WILL STARVE MYSELF TO DEATH AND I

WILL KILL MYSELF.

Nathan: SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

Skwisgaar: YEAH, THAT'S...

Pickles: YEAH, SORRY TO, YOU KNOW, DO THAT.

Murderface: YOU ASKED FOR IT, DAMN IT.

YOU'RE GONNA MISS ME!

[ DOOR SLAMS ] [ DOOR CREAKS ]

Nathan: HI.

Murderface: HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO STARVE SOMEONE TO DEATH?

Nathan: I'VE NEVER TRIED.

I'VE NEVER SKIPPED A MEAL IN MY LIFE.

YOUR TRANSPORT TO ZIMBABWE AWAITS.

CHARLES.

I'M EXPECTING THIS DINNER TO BE WITHOUT FLAW.

Charles: I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT THIS WILL BE THE MOST

DECADENT AND MEMORABLE MEAL THAT ANYONE AT THIS TABLE WILL HAVE

EVER HAD.

VERY GOOD. I AM COUNTING ON YOU.

Charles: OKAY, GUYS.

THERE'S ASSIGNED SEATING.

PLEASE OBSERVE THAT.

AND REMEMBER, BE POLITE.

TRY NOT TO CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTHS OPEN.

DON'T REACH OVER THE TABLE.

TASTE THE FOOD BEFORE YOU PUT SALT ON IT.

TAKE IT EASY ON THE ALCOHOL -- Nathan: HEY, THIS TURNED INTO

NAZI GERMANY.

Pickles: WHERE'S TOKI?

HOW COME HE ISN'T HERE?

Charles: HE WILL BE. I HOPE.

I MEAN. OKAY.

DEEP BREATH. LET'S DO THIS.

Nathan: MAN, YOU'RE NERVOUS.

Charles: NAH, IT'S -- Nathan: I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM

NERVOUS BEFORE. Charles: I'M FINE. TOTALLY CALM.

Nathan: NO, YOU'RE NOT.

Charles: ALL RIGHT.

Nathan: NO, YOU'RE NOT.

THE FIRST COURSE!

Nathan: ABIGAIL!

HEY!

WILL YOU EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT, CHANCELLOR VANDERHORVEN?

WHAT?

Nathan: THIS IS DIFFERENT THAN THE LAST TIME WE HUNG OUT.

REMEMBER?

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

Nathan: UH, THAT'S OKAY.

WHAT?

Nathan: WHAT?

WHAT?

Nathan: WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

Nathan: I SAID, "WHAT?" NO, YOU SAID WHAT?

Nathan: I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

Nathan: CAN'T HEAR YOU.

OKAY.

GOOD TALK.

PARDON ME -- BLOOD ORANGE FALCON EGG SALAD?

Murderface: UH, NO THANKS.

I'M STARVING MYSELF TO DEATH.

OH, YOU'RE PROBABLY CONFUSED.

SEE, THESE FUCKING ASSHOLES WON'T GIVE ME THE CREDITS I

FUCKING DESERVE, SO I'M KILLING MYSELF.

HEY, CAN I GET SOME MORE WHITE WINE OVER HERE?

Nathan: HEY, IS TOKI EVEN COMING TO THIS THING?

WHAT THE FUCK OOH! KU-KU-KU-KU!

YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM! DINNER TIME!

Skwisgaar: THERE HE AMS.

IT LOOKS LIKE HE BROUGHTS A FRIENDS.

WHO'S RINGING THAT DINNER BELL?

COULD IT BE YOU OR YOU OR YOU?

Charles: OH, DEAR.

UH, PLEASE EXCUSE ME FOR ONE MOMENT.

DR. ROCKSO'S SO HUNGRY, HE COULD EAT AN OLD BOOT COVERED IN

DONKEY CUM Charles: DR. ROCKSO CAN'T BE

HERE. YOU GOT TO GET HIM OUT OF HERE.

Toki: NO!

Charles: TOKI, PLEASE.

Toki: [ Crying ] NO!

Charles: OKAY -- IT'S ALL RIGHT.

Toki: NO!

Charles: OKAY, FINE, FINE, FINE, FINE -- YOU WIN. YOU WIN.

ENJOY THE DINNER, ROCKSO.

PLEASE DO YOUR BEST TO BEHAVE YOURSELVES.

Toki: PICTURE TIMES, DR. ROCKSO!

OH, MAKE SURE AND TAG DR. ROCKSO WITH THE SUIT MAN!

RIGHT, SHOE SALESMAN?

Nathan: ABIGAIL, WHO ARE THOSE GUYS YOU'RE TALKING TO?

ALL THOSE GUYS?

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

Nathan: THEY JUST SEEM LIKE -- ARE THEY BOTHERING YOU?

I CANNOT HEAR YOU.

Nathan: THEY'RE REALLY TALKING A LOT.

I JUST THINK THEY MAY BE -- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE

SAYING. Nathan: OKAY. OKAY!

Skwisgaar: UH, PICKLES.

THAT COULD BE GETTINGS UGLY.

Pickles: WHAT? WHAT'S HE -- Skwisgaar: MURDERFACE AMS

STARVING HIMSELF OF FOOD BUT ALL HE AMS DOINGS IS DRINKINGS ON AN

EMPTYS STOMACHS.

Murderface: I'VE BEEN HERE LONGER THAN FUCKING TOKI.

PFFFFT!

THAT FUCKING DIRTY NORWEIGIAN ASS!

I COULD FUCKING KILL HIM!

Charles: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE STARVING YOURSELF.

OH, GOD, GIVE ME THIS GLASS.

Murderface: GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? HIT ME?

[ ALL GASP ] Charles: OKAY.

Toki: I'M TAGGINGS YOU!

[ GLASS CLINKS ] Nathan: EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

CAN I HAVE EVERYONE'S ATTENTION?

JUST WANT TO SAY A COUPLE OF THINGS.

Charles: OH, GOD, PLEASE.

PLEASE, GOD.

Nathan: I HAVE A SECRET TO, UH, REVEAL.

I, UH, THERE'S BEEN A BIT OF AN INTEROFFICE RELATIONSHIP GOING

ON, AND, UH, ABIGAIL AND MYSELF ARE AN ITEM.

[ APPLAUSE ] I JUST WANTED TO ANNOUNCE THAT.

THANK YOU, EVERYONE. THANK YOU.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!

[ GLASS SHATTERS ] Pickles: NO!

NO, NO, NO!

NO, YOU CANNOT HAVE THIS, TOO, YOU GREEDY, FAT ASSHOLE!

YOU FUCKING YOU DESTROYED THE RECORD.

YOU FUCKING TAKE EVERYTHING YOU SEE, AND YOU JUST TAKE AND YOU

TAKE AND -- Murderface: HEY, HEY, HEY,

HEY, HEY!

Pickles: GET OFF OF ME!

GET OFF OF ME!

Murderface: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

HIT ME? AAH!

Pickles: GODDAMN IT!

Murderface: THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!

Pickles: I'M FUCKING FUCKED. FUCKING FUCKED OVER HERE.

I GOT NOTHING.

SO I'M GONNA FUCKING TAKE MYSELF THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

I FUCKING QUIT.

I FUCKING QUIT!

QUIT!

QUIT!

QUIT!

QUIT!

QUIT!

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] Toki: I TAGGED YOU, PICKLE!