Original subtitles

AND THEY RETURNED TO THE DARKEST DEPTHS TO SINK EVEN

LOWER.

FANS ARE OVERCOME WITH EMOTION AS DETHKLOK REVEALS ITS

DETHSUB.

DETHKLOK WILL RECORD ITS ENTIRE FORTHCOMING ALBUM ON THIS SHIP.

I'M GETTING WORD THEY'RE PREPARING TO GO BELOW AT ANY

MOMENT NOW.

BUT THE QUESTION IS, FOR HOW LONG?

Charles: WELL, UH, SAY YOUR GOODBYES TO THE GIRLS.

YOU CAN'T BRING ANYBODY ON BOARD BECAUSE IT'S A SECURITY RISK AND

ALL THAT. Nathan: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

WE CAN'T HAVE ANY FUCKING CHICKS DOWN THERE?

Charles: NO, SIR. Nathan: HUH.

THAT FUCKING SUCKS. Murderface: DON'T WORRY.

WE'RE GONNA BE JACKING OFF.

THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

JUST PULLING YOUR OWN PUD.

ALL SHINY AND HARD, JUST JACKING OFF.

THAT'S WHAT.

YEAH? RIGHT, GUYS? HUH?

Skwisgaar: CAN YOU BACKS OFF, PLEASE?

Nathan: THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG RECORDING SESSION.

Skwisgaar: HEY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID THERE WASN'T GONNA BE ANY

GIRLS, YET HERE AMS ABIGAILS, WALKINGS IN, WORKINGS A SMART

OUTFIT, AS USUALS.

Pickles: HEY, ABIGAIL.

Nathan: HI, ABIGAIL.

HI.

Nathan: TOO BAD ABIGAIL'S OFF LIMITS, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THAT

COULD BE PRETTY FUN, YOU KNOW?

Pickles: WELL, WHO SAYS SHE'S OFF LIMITS?

Nathan: OH!

♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK ♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK

♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK ♪ DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK!

DETHKLOK! ♪ Charles: OKAY, LOOKS LIKE

EVERYONE'S DECOMPRESSING NICELY.

A COUPLE SAFETY PRECAUTIONS BEFORE WE HIT THE OCEAN FLOOR.

FIRST OF ALL, I WANTED TO SAY -- Nathan: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

HEY, GUYS.

SORRY IF I SEEM OUT OF IT.

LAST NIGHT, I, UH, HAD THAT FUCKED UP NIGHTMARE I KEEP ON

HAVING -- OOH.

Pickles: IS IT THE DREAM WERE YOU FUCK A HORNET'S NEST AND

THEN PUT YOUR COCK INTO A VAT OF BOILING ACID?

Nathan: EVEN WORSE!

IT'S THAT HORRIBLE DREAM.

THE ONLY WAY FOR ME TO GET GIRLS IS FOR ME TO [GROANS] GO DOWN ON

THEM.

Murderface: OH, DEAR GOD!

Pickles: OH, MAMA!

Skwisgaar: EW.

Toki: OH, THAT'S GROSS!

NOW WHAT IS IT GOING DOWN ON A GIRL MEANS AGAIN?

Skwisgaar: [ WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY ]

Toki: HOLY SHITS THAT'S FUCKINGS GROSS!

Nathan: I KNOW. I KNOW.

I'M FUCKING SHAKING RIGHT NOW EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT.

Skwisgaar: WELL, WE DOESN'T HAVE TO DO THAT ANYMORES AND

I'LL TELL YOU WHYS.

WE AMS A FAMOUS ROCKS-'N'-ROLL BANDS.

THEY GOES DOWN ON US!

BUT IF WE WILL HAVES TO GO DOWN ON THEM --

Pickles: IT WOULD HAVE TO BE UNDER THE UTMOST DIRE

CIRCUMSTANCES! Nathan: RIGHT.

LIKE IF THEY WERE GONNA KILL MY FUCKING PARENTS.

THEN I'D HAVE TO DO IT.

OH, BUT STILL, TOTALLY GROSS.

RIGHT, CHARLES?

Charles: UH...

NAH...NO COMMENT.

Nathan: WELL, IT'S FUCKING TRUE.

WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT ANYMORE!

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO WHAT ANYMORE?

Nathan: NOTHING.

Charles: UH, ANYWAY, GUYS, WE'VE GOT THREE MONTHS TO CRAFT

THE ULTIMATE METAL RECORD.

IF, FOR SOME REASON, WE FAIL TO HIT THAT DEADLINE, I FEAR THAT

CORNICKLESON WILL SINK US WHERE WE STAND, SO, UH, HAVE AT IT,

MATEYS.

Murderface: UGH.

"HAVE AT IT, MATEYS."

ANOTHER LAME SIGN-OFF FROM CHARLES.

ANYWAYS, WHO WANTS TO GO JACK OFF WITH ME?

[ BAND PLAYING POORLY ] STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP.

STOP IT.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ALL OF YOUR HANDS?

Nathan: YEAH, WHAT'S GOING ON?

OW. OW. LOOK AT YOUR WRISTS.

THEY'RE JUST -- JUST SWOLLEN AND LIMP.

WHAT HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN DOING?

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN JACKING OFF SO HARD THAT YOU'VE GOT ADVANCED

CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME.

WHATEVER.

Nathan: SO, UH, YOU'RE SAYING WE'RE, UH, TOUCHING OUR

YOU-KNOW-WHATS TOO MUCH?

[ GIGGLES ] Nathan: HEY, THIS IS SERIOUS

STUFF. STOP GIGGLING!

I'M NOT.

I'M BEING SERIOUS.

YOU MUST REFRAIN FROM MASTURBATING FOR THE NEXT THREE

MONTHS.

BUT BEWARE.

YOU WILL EXPERIENCE WITHDRAWAL, HALLUCINATIONS, SEXUAL

NIGHTMARES, GENDER ISSUES.

WITHOUT MASTURBATION, MEN AND WOMEN WILL GO INSANE.

Nathan: HEY, DON'T WORRY, GUYS.

WE'LL STILL JACK OFF.

IT'S NOT LIKE THE FUCKING LABEL IS GONNA FIND OUT ABOUT IT.

INCOMING MESSAGE FROM CRYSTAL MOUNTAIN RECORDS,

ROY CORNICKLESON.

I AM JUST INCREDIBLY SADDENED TO FIND OUT YOU'VE BEEN JACKING

OFF ON THE COMPANY DIME.

I AM JUST REALLY, REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN ALL OF YOU.

I MEAN, I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THAT.

MAYBE IT'S SOMETHING I DID, HMM?

MAYBE I SHOULD BE DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF.

I JUST DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.

NOW FINISH THIS ALBUM ON TIME OR YOU'LL HAVE NO LABEL!

GOOD DAY!

Stampingston: GENTLEMEN, IT APPEARS THAT DETHKLOK IS NO

LONGER ALLOWED TO JACK OFF WHILE RECORDING THEIR NEW ALBUM

UNDERWATER.

GENERAL CROZIER.

Crozier: PREPARATION FOR THIS UNDERWATER RECORD HAS BEEN AN

ARDUOUS PROCESS.

THE NEW DETHSUB IS MORE THAN FOUR TIMES THE SIZE OF A LUXURY

CRUISE LINER.

IT'S FULLY ARMED AND CAN SUSTAIN LIFE FOR OVER A DECADE IF NEED

BE.

FURTHERMORE, MINING TEAMS WERE DISPATCHED MONTHS BEFORE TO

BREAK WAY THE OCEAN FLOOR AND SECURE THE DETHSUB'S HOME IN

WHAT IS NOW KNOWN AS THE DEEPEST PART OF THE OCEAN,

ANDROMEDA'S CREVICE.

Orlaag: YET THERE IS NO WARM PORT WAITING FOR DETHKLOK, NO

MATTER WHAT SIZE THE VESSEL BE.

Stampingston: HERE TO EXPLAIN MORE IS HUMAN RELATIONS AND

MASTURBATION EXPERT DR. FSMILEJERA LRLELWOLL.

WHAT HAPPENS TO A MAN DEVOID OF THE PLEASURES OF HIS OWN

LOINS?

WILL HE BECOME A PRISONER OF RAGE?

STATISTICALLY, MEN WHO HAVE BEEN FORCED INTO A POSITION OF

MASTURBATION ABSTINENCE HAVE BEEN THE CULPRITS OF

CIVILIZATIONAL DESTRUCTION.

DETHKLOK IS NO DIFFERENT.

Stampingston: AND WHAT OF THE WOMAN?

PICKLES AND NATHAN HAVE SUCCEEDED IN CONCOCTING A

CAREFUL BALANCE OF FRIENDSHIP AND CREATIVE BIRTH AND HAVE

REAPED ITS REWARDS.

YET NEVER BEFORE HAVE THEY TREADED DOWN THE DARK WATERS OF

FEMALE COMPETITION.

FOR YOU SEE, THIS PATH LEADS UP INTO A THICKET OF POISONOUS

THORNS AND HEARTBREAK, AND ULTIMATELY THE DEMISE OF

DETHKLOK.

SOMEBODY'S A-GOING DOWN.

Selatcia: WE MUST ALLOW FOR DETHKLOK TO FIND SOMETHING ELSE

TO DO WITH THEIR FREE TIME.

Nathan: 100!

[ GRUNTS ]

[ SNIFFS ] WHY'S IT SMELL LIKE FUCKING

GARBAGE CAN COLOGNE?

OH. WHY ARE YOU ALL DRESSED UP?

Pickles: OH, WELL, IT'S NO BIGGIE.

JUST HAVING A LITTLE DRUM PRODUCTION, UH, MEETING WITH,

UH, WHAT IS HER NAME AGAIN?

UH, ABIGAIL.

Nathan: OH.

SO YOU'RE REALLY GOING FOR IT?

Pickles: GOING FOR WHAT?

MAYBE. I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN -- Nathan: OH. I SEE.

YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S, UH, CROSSING THE LINE -- THE

THING -- WORKPLACE, UH -- Pickles: WHY CAN'T I

YOU-KNOW-WHAT THE ONLY LADY IN THIS PLACE?

AND WHY ARE YOU ALL WORKED UP?

Nathan: I'M NOT.

I'M BEING NORMAL!

Pickles: DO YOU WANT TO DATE HER?

Nathan: DATE?

WHO WANTS TO DATE ANYBODY?

DATING'S FUCKING STUPID AS SHIT

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU WANT TO DATE HER!

Pickles: NO, DUDE.

I JUST WANT TO FUCKING GET IT ON WITH HER!

SHE'S NOT BAD LOOKING, NATHAN.

Nathan: WELL, I HADN'T NOTICED.

WELL, GOOD LUCK.

EVEN THOUGH SHE'S A BIT OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE.

Pickles: SHE IS OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE.

Nathan: SHE'S OUT OF YOUR -- FINE.

ALL RIGHT.

I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

Pickles: I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING.

Nathan: I SEE. FINE.

LET'S SEE PRECISELY WHOMS OUT OF WHOMSES LEAGUES SHE BE.

WE'LL LET HER PICK.

Pickles: FINE.

Nathan: FINE.

Murderface: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

LAUNDRY OR SOMETHING?

Toki: YEP, I'VE NEVER DONES IT BEFORE.

SINCE WE STOPS JACKINGS OFF, I THINK I'VE LEARNED HOW TO DO IT.

Murderface: WHY ARE YOU WEARING A HIGH PONYTAIL?

IT'S LIKE YOU'RE A CHEERLEADER OR SOMETHING.

Toki: IT AMS BECAUSE IT'S SO HOT IN HERE.

IT COOLS OFF MY NECK.

Murderface: IT COOLS YOUR NECK, HUH?

WHY ARE YOU WEARING ROLLER SKATES?

Toki: I LEFTS MY BOOTS ON SHORE.

[ DING! ] LAUNDRY'S DONES. I'LL GETS IT.

OH, SHUCKS!

EVERYTHINGS IN MY WARDROBES AMS TURNS PINK!

AND IT'S ALL SHRUNKS!

DAMN IT!

Murderface: YEAH.

SKATING AROUND, HUH?

KEEPS YOU TONED, I-I GUESS.

IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE?

Pickles: SO, WHAT DOES THIS BUTTON DO?

THAT TURNS THE MIKE PRE ON.

Pickles: OH.

SO WHAT DOES THIS KNOB DO?

IF YOU TURN IT LIKE YOU'RE DOING, IT RUINS ALL MY PRESETS,

AND -- PLEASE.

YOU'RE DROPPING PRINGLES INTO MY BOARD.

Pickles: YES, WELL, IT'S COOL.

I SURE COULD USE A MASSAGE, THAT'S FOR SURE.

OKAY, PICKLES? WE WORK TOGETHER.

THERE'S A LINE I DON'T CROSS.

I MEAN, HOW MUCH WORK WOULD I GET DONE IF I --

Pickles: SHH.

YOU KNOW, I -- Pickles: SHUSH! JUST ONE HUMP.

NO.

NOT WITH ANYONE I WORK WITH.

IT'S MY MOST CHERISHED RULE.

Pickles: OH, BULLSHIT IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S ME.

Pickles: YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

THIS SUCKS.

AND YOU CAN'T SAY THAT YOU'RE NOT FUCKING SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED

DOWN HERE, ALL RIGHT?

'CAUSE THIS PLACE IS FUCKING HELL.

I HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, AND WITHOUT BEING TOO, UH,

CRASS, I HAVE A MAGICAL VIBRATING FRIEND THAT GETS ME

THROUGH THESE DARK TIMES.

Pickles: [ GROANS ] WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT?

STILL NOT IN LOVE WITH THE SOUND OF THESE ROOMS.

SOMETHING ABOUT THIS SUB IS A LITTLE OFF.

WE NEED TO RE-RECORD THEM IN THEIR OWN ISOLATED SPACE OUTSIDE

THE SUB.

WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT THAT?

17.5 NAUTICAL MILES NORTHWEST, WE FOUND A SONICALLY

IDEAL GUITAR RECORDING AREA.

THE ONLY DRAWBACK IS THAT IT'S IN WHAT WE BELIEVE TO BE AN

ACTIVE MINEFIELD.

IT'S GONNA TAKE THE MAJORITY OF THE CREW TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

GREAT. WORK TOWARDS THAT.

AND THE DRUMS?

Dick: WELL, WE DID SOME RECONNAISSANCE AND WE FOUND AN

UPWARD-INVERTED CAVE WHOSE ACOUSTICS ARE THE BEST WE'VE

EVER HEARD IN OUR ENTIRE LIVES.

HOW SOON CAN YOU MAKE THAT HAPPEN?

Dick: HOW MUCH TIME DO WE HAVE?

Charles: VERY LITTLE.

I FEAR MY BAND IS SLOWLY LOSING THEIR MINDS IN THIS MURKY PIT OF

SEXUAL DESPAIR. GOOD WORK, PEOPLE.

AND, AGAIN, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE.

TALLY-HO. Murderface: GOD DARN IT!

Nathan: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Murderface: I JUST GOT FUCKING TURNED DOWN BY THAT

FUCKING PRUDE BITCH ABIGAIL!

WHAT AN ASSHOLE!

Toki: I TRYS TO HUMPS HER, TOO, AND SHE TURNS ME DOWN.

Skwisgaar: SHE TURNS ME DOWNS, TOO.

I BELIEVES HER TO BE IMPENETRABLES.

YOU MUST HAS TRIED, TOO, YEAH?

Nathan: NO.

I WAS WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME.

Pickles: YOU WILL NEVER GET INTO HER PANTS!

AND THERE'S A VERY GOOD REASON.

BECAUSE SHE'S BETTER THAN YOU.

Nathan: I'M NATHAN EXPLOSION.

I CAN GET ANYBODY.

I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET INTO HER PANTS.

Pickles: THEN DO ACCEPT MY WARNING!

THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!

Nathan: WHATEVER IT TAKES.

Murderface: SORRY TO BREAK THIS UP, BUT, UH, DOES TOKI SEEM

LIKE HE'S IN REAL GOOD SHAPE?

I MEAN, LIKE -- AT THIS POINT I'LL TAKE WHATEVER!

[ VIBRATING ] [ VIBRATING STOPS ]

[ SWITCH CLICKS ] OH, YOU GOT TO BE FUCKING

KIDDING ME.

Charles: THIS IS THE LAST DAY OF OUR PRINCIPLE AUDIOGRAPHY.

YOU'VE ALL WORKED INCREDIBLY HARD AND WE HAVE ONE DAY TO NAIL

DOWN THE REST OF THIS RECORD.

SKWISGAAR, TOKI, YOU'LL BE TRANSPORTED MILES AWAY FOR AUDIO

ISOLATION.

PICKLES, YOU'LL BE PUT INTO WHAT WE'RE NOW CALLING THE DEVIL'S

CAVE.

MURDERFACE, YOU'LL BE IN YOUR INTER-SUBMARINE SUBSONIC BASE

CABIN, AND, FINALLY, NATHAN AND ABIGAIL, YOU'LL BE IN THE

CONTROL ROOM, PILOTING THIS AUDIO SPACECRAFT INTO A NEW

DIMENSION.

THE REST OF THE UNDERWATER AUDIO CREW WILL BE HELPING THE BAND.

SHAKE IT DOWN NOW.

Nathan: WHAT?

Murderface: SHAKE IT DOWN?

EVERYBODY READY? Skwisgaar: READYS.

Pickles: COPY THAT. Toki: READYS!

Murderface: READY!

[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ MOANING ] [ EXPLOSIONS ]

OH, GOD. WHAT DID I DO?

I GOT TO GO.

Nathan: NOOOOOO!