Original subtitles

AND THE HARVEST DID DRY AND WITHER, AND THE SUN DID CEASE TO

SHINE.

THE HOUR OF FOREBODEMENT WAS UPON US.

SIX MONTHS HAVE PASSED SINCE A BIZARRE SERIES OF STORMS

RIPPLED ACROSS THE GLOBE AND DESTROYED DETHKLOK'S ALBUM.

MOST ARE HOLDING THE BAND RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WORLD'S

ECONOMY PLUMMETING INTO WHAT IS NOW BECOMING KNOWN AS THE

DETHCESSION.

IN RESPONSE, THE BAND HAS DECIDED TO SPONSOR A SERIES OF

COUNTY FAIRS IN AMERICA'S HEARTLAND IN HOPES OF RAISING

MORALE AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY, REVENUE.

THE FIRST DethFair WILL BE IN THE BIRTHPLACE OF

PICKLES THE DRUMMER -- TOMAHAWK, WISCONSIN.

Nathan: WHAT'S GOING ON, TOMAHAWK?!

[ SCATTERED APPLAUSE ] OKAY.

UH, WELCOME TO THE VERY FIRST DethFair.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD, BUT WE'RE GOING TO PLAY A FREE

CONCERT.

FREE?

ARE WE REALLY PLAYING F-- WHERE ARE WE PLAYING A FREE CON-- SO,

WE BROUGHT SOME PRETTY COOL STUFF FOR THE FAIR.

LIKE, THERE'S A PIRATE SHIP WITH SOMALI PIRATES, WHO, UH, ARE

GONNA THREATEN TO KILL YOU.

YEAH, WE HAVE A REALLY BIG DORITO THAT WE'RE GONNA SEE HOW

FAST YOU CAN EAT IT.

UH, WE HAVE AN $80 MILLION FERRARI WHEEL -- FERRIS WHEEL

MADE OF FERRARIS.

GET OFF THE STAGE AND GET US A JOB, PRICK!

WE'RE LOSING OUR HOUSE!

[ CROWD SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY ] Nathan: WELL, IF YOU GUYS ARE

ALL SO PISSED OFF, WHY DON'T YOU COLLECTIVELY KILL YOURSELVES?

YOU'RE A JERK!

Nathan: WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT? OH FUCK THIS. I'M DONE.

FUCK YOU! BOO!

Nathan: I THINK THAT WENT WELL.

Skwisgaar: THAT WAS PRETTY GOODS.

Pickles: MOTHER, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR A LONG,

LONG TIME, AND IN THE PAST, WE'VE HAD A HARD TIME RELATING.

SO, WHILE I'M HERE, I'D LIKE US TO GROW CLOSER AS MOTHER AND SON

AND MAYBE -- I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.

Pickles: OKAY. WHY?

BECAUSE YOU'VE MANAGED TO RUIN THE ECONOMY, AND YOU DON'T

EVEN HAVE A REAL JOB.

YOUR JOB IS A JOKE!

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO I RESPECT?

PEOPLE WITH HONEST CAREERS -- CARPENTERS, DENTISTS, REALTORS,

PEOPLE WHO BREAK THEIR BACKS TO FEED THEIR FAMILIES.

YOU -- YOU'RE SPOILED.

Pickles: SPOILED?!

I'LL TELL YOU WHO'S SPOILED -- MY FUCKING SERVANTS.

THOSE GUYS ARE ASSHOLES!

IT'S DIFFICULT FOR REAL, HONEST PEOPLE TO HAVE TO BE

AROUND OVERPAID, OUT-OF-TOUCH CELEBRITIES LIKE YOU.

UNTIL YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A REAL PERSON, TO HAVE A REAL

JOB, I'M AFRAID WE'LL NEVER HAVE A REAL RELATIONSHIP.

♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK ♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK

♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK ♪ DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK!

DETHKLOK! ♪ Charles: GUYS, IT'S IMPORTANT

AMERICA SEES YOU BEING HANDS-ON AT THIS FAIR, OKAY?

AND, PICKLES, I HAVE THAT, UH, REAL-ESTATE LICENSE FOR YOU.

Toki: WHAT AMS REAL-ESTATES LICENSE?

Skwisgaar: IT AMS LIKE LICENSE TO DRIVES A HOUSE.

Toki: [ LAUGHS ] DRIVES A HOUSE!

Pickles: MY MOM IS RIGHT, ALL RIGHT?!

THIS IS A FANTASY THAT WE'RE LIVING IN -- A FUCKING FANTASY!

AND I CAN'T IMPRESS HER NO MATTER HOW MUCH MONEY I MAKE,

AND I REALIZE THAT IT'S BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A REAL JOB!

Nathan: PICKLES, CALM DOWN!

Pickles: IT'S TRUE!

Nathan: YOUR MOM IS A BITCH!

YOU SHOULD TELL HER TO GO FUCK HERSELF.

Pickles: WHOA, BACK UP!

YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT TO ME ABOUT MY MOM!

Skwisgaar: UH, PICKLE?

Pickle: YES?

Skwisgaar: YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR MOMS TO GO FUCKS HERSELF.

Pickles: JUST B-- THIS IS MY FAMILY!

Nathan: YEAH, THE FAMILY THAT YOU HATE!

Skwisgaar: AND YOU ALSO CALLS THEMS ASSHOLES ALL THE TIMES.

Pickles: YEAH. UH, WHOA!

OKAY, MAYBE I DO, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M STARTING TO THINK THAT WE'RE THE ASSHOLES!

Nathan: PICKLES...

US?

Pickles: YES!

AND THAT'S WHY I'M GOING TO GO SELL CARS.

Nathan: YOU MEAN HOUSES.

Pickles: YEAH.

Stampingston: IT APPEARS AS IF PICKLES, DRUMMER, IS BECOMING

A REALTOR.

HERE TO SPEAK FURTHER IS DETHKLOK ECONOMIST DR. RICHARD

REINHOLD RNAWIGHIWOWPJ.

DR. RICHARD REINHOLD RNAWIGHIWOWPJ?

DUE TO THE DETHCESSION, PEOPLE ARE MAKING DESPERATE

CHOICES.

FOR EXAMPLE, IN THE WORLD OF ROCK 'N' ROLL, SOME STARS ARE

BECOMING DENTAL ASSISTANTS, PARALEGALS, EMTs, AND I.T.

TECHS.

IN THIS CASE, PICKLES THE DRUMMER HAS BEEN

FRIGHTENED INTO BECOMING A SCHEMING, DECEPTIVE REALTOR.

Crozier: UGH.

BUT EVEN WORSE IS THE REASON BEHIND PICKLES' SOCIAL DEMOTION

INTO THE REPUGNANCE OF REALTY -- HIS MOTHER.

PICKLES HAS NEVER KNOWN THE SATISFACTION OF HAVING HIS

MOTHER'S APPROVAL FOR ANYTHING HE'S EVER DONE.

NOT EVEN BEING IN THE BIGGEST ENTERTAINMENT ACT IN THE KNOWN

UNIVERSE IS ENOUGH FOR HER.

SHE SEES HER SON PICKLES AS A GROTESQUE LOSER WHILE SHE

APPLAUDS HER SAD, UNDERACHIEVING SON SETH FOR THE MOST INFANTILE

VICTORIES.

IS SHE A MISERABLE HAG THREATENED BY PICKLES' SUCCESS?

PERHAPS.

BUT PICKLES WILL NEVER BE FREE OF HER ABJECT DISAPPROVAL UNTIL

HE, IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, INSTRUCTS HER TO GO AND FUCK

HERSELF.

Orlaag: THE LOSS OF THE DETHKLOK ALBUM HAS HURT US MORE

THAN WE THOUGHT, MASTER.

Selatcia: IT'S TIME WE TAKE FALCONBACK INTO OUR OWN HANDS.

Charles: ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING?

Skwisgaar: YEAH, WE AMS GOING TO BUILDS THE DethFairs AND

REDEEMS OURSELVES TO IDIOTS.

Nathan: AND, PICKLES, YOU'RE GONNA SELL THOSE THREE-BEDROOM

SHACKS TO POOR PEOPLE LIKE A REGULAR DILDO.

[ LAUGHTER ] Murderface: WE'RE GOING TO

PUT THE LITTLE SIGN OUT FRONT!

Pickles: EVERYBODY, SHUT UP, BECAUSE -- CHECK IT OUT -- I'M

GONNA BE GOOD AT IT, SO FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU FUCK YOU,

FUCK YOU!

YOU GUYS NEED A HOUSE?

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS GREAT HOUSE?

WE LOVE IT!

YES, IT IS PERFECT.

Pickle: OKAY.

WELL, THE ASKING PRICE IS $200,000, SO --

OH [CHUCKLES] WELL, WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.

UH-OH!

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE BOTH TRYING TO SELL THE SAME HOUSE!

THAT'S FUN!

UNH! UNH! UNH! OHH!

Pickles: OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT DOG SHIT

THAT'S FROM THE PREVIOUS OWNER.

THAT'LL COME RIGHT OFF YOUR SHOES.

IS THIS THE BASEMENT?

Pickles: YEAH. GO ON IN.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[ SHRIEKS ] Pickles: LOOK AT ME!

I'M THE WORST REALTOR IN THE WORLD!

OH, MOTHER!

I'M JUST NOT VERY GOOD AT BEING A REALTOR!

THAT'S RIGHT, PICKLES.

YOU █ THE WORST REALTOR IN THE WORLD!

Pickles: MOTHER?!

YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT.

YOU CAN'T EVEN SELL ONE HOUSE.

Pickles: MOTHER, YOU BETTER BACK OFF.

I KNEW YOU WERE WORTHLESS FROM THE BEGINNING!

YOU FAILED AS A REALTOR!

Pickles: IT'S NOT MY FAULT!

AND EVEN WHEN THEY DO WANT TO BUY A HOUSE, THEY DON'T GOT ANY

MONEY!

I GOT MONEY, AND I'M A REALTOR!

I GOT MONEY AND CHEAP HOUSES!

AND I NEED TO SELL THE HOUSES.

AND I GOT MONEY TO BUY THEM.

WAIT A MINUTE.

HOLD ON.

MOTHER!

THE SLEEPER HAS AWAKENED!

Nathan: NOW THAT I STAND BACK AND LOOK, WE GOT A LOT OF GOOD

RIDES.

LIKE, THE, UH, CEPHALIC ANNIHILATOR'S PRETTY COOL.

BILATERAL EXECUTIONER LOOKS PRETTY COOL.

THE SCROTAL HANGER'S LOOKING GOOD.

Murderface: THE SCROTAL HANGER'S AWESOME!

Nathan: THE HOUSE OF ANCIENT TORTURE DEVICES --

THAT'S PRETTY COOL.

Toki: AND ALSO THE KITTY KATS PETTING ZOO IS REALLY

COMINGS TOGETHER!

Nathan: HEY, UH, WHAT'S GOING ON?

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

Charles: WELL, AS YOU KNOW, PICKLES HAS GOTTEN RATHER ADEPT

AT BEING A REALTOR, AND I WORRY THAT IF HE CONTINUES TO TRY TO

GET HIS MOTHER'S APPROVAL, IT COULD INTERFERE WITH THE FUTURE

OF DETHKLOK.

ONE CANNOT SERVE TWO MASTERS, NATHAN.

ONE CANNOT SERVE TWO MASTERS.

Nathan: YEAH. YEAH.

YEAH, THAT'S A TRICKY ONE.

Charles: OH, WELL. I'M SURE IT'LL BE FINE.

Nathan: YEAH, IT'LL BE FINE.

THINGS IN TOMAHAWK, WISCONSIN, APPEAR TO BE CHANGING

FOR THE BETTER.

PICKLES THE REALTOR WAS RECENTLY AWARDED SALESMAN OF THE WEEK,

SELLING MORE HOUSES PER CAPITA IN THE HISTORY OF WISCONSIN.

AND TONIGHT, DETHKLOK GIVES THEIR FIRST IN A SERIES OF FREE

SHOWS TO REBUILD THE ECONOMY.

Nathan: PEOPLE OF TOMAHAWK, WE HAVE BROUGHT METAL AND

ECONOMIC STRENGTH BACK INTO YOUR PUTRID, BLACKENED, MIDWESTERN

HELL WORLD!

PLEASE ENJOY THE RIDES WHILE WE SONICALLY EJACULATE ONTO YOUR

TITS!

♪ MOURNING MATRON ♪ THE HARPY'S BREAST

♪ THE SCOWLING RAVEN ♪ YOU'LL DIE UNBLESSED

♪ PATRONIZING ♪ YOU ARE OBSESSED

♪ THE DEMON RISING ♪ A GHOST POSSESSED

♪ GO HIDE ♪ IT'S ALL YOU EVER DO

♪ RESIGN ♪ THE SICKNESS IS YOURS, TOO

♪ PASS YOUR SHAME DOWN THROUGH THE YEARS ♪

♪ PAY THE TOLL IN BLOODY TEARS ♪ IT'LL FIND YOU

♪ IT'S GONNA FIND YOU ♪ KEEP THE POISONED HATE-FILLED

FEAR ♪ ♪ SPREAD THE PAIN, IT'S SO

SEVERE ♪ AAH!

AAH!

[ CATS SCREECHING ] [ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

[ MUSIC CONTINUES ] [ MUSIC CONTINUES ]

[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]

[ PEOPLE SCREAMING ] [ SCREAMING CONTINUES ]

PICKLES, YOU NEED TO QUIT THIS REALTOR BULLSHIT AND

GET BACK TO MAKING A NEW RECORD SO WE CAN ALL MAKE MONEY AGAIN!

Pickles: WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU DON'T EVEN CARE THAT I'M THE BEST REGULAR JACKOFF REALTOR IN

THE WORLD?!

FUCK THAT REALTOR CRAP!

I WANT YOU TO GO BACK TO PLAYING DRUMS WITH YOUR STUPID BAND AND

FIX THE FUCKING ECONOMY!

Skwisgaar: YOU SHOULD GO TELLS YOUR MOTHER TO GO FUCK

HERSELF.

Nathan: YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR MOTHER TO GO FUCK HERSELF.

Charles: YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR MOTHER TO GO FUCK HERSELF.

Pickles: HEY, MOM...

GO FUCK YOURSELF!