Original subtitles

AND THE OCEAN WAS AT ONCE THE

DESTROYER AND THE SAVIOR.

THE WORLD WAITS FOR THE DETHKLOK ALBUM TO DROP.

THE ALBUM HAS BEEN SHROUDED IN SECRECY, BUT TODAY DETHKLOK DID

RELEASE THESE DETAILS.

HEY, KIDS.

IT'S ME, FACEBONES.

THE NEW LIMITED-EDITION DETHKLOK ALBUM WILL BE AVAILABLE ONLY ON

A TOTALLY UNRIPPABLE LIQUID FORMAT.

ANYONE CAUGHT REPRODUCING, SHARING, DOWNLOADING, UPLOADING,

OR OTHERWISE FUCKING WITH IT IN ANY WAY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO

IMPRISONMENT WITHOUT DUE PROCESS.

WHILE YOU'RE IN PRISON, YOU'LL EXPERIENCE EYE POKING,

WATER-BOARDING, ACTS OF WAR, THROAT SLASHING,

AND BUTT-FUCKING GOODBYE, FUCK-O'S!

AS THE GLOBAL COUNTDOWN CONTINUES, FANS WERE TRAMPLED

TODAY AT THE DETHKLOK ALBUM PREVIEW.

THOSE STILL STANDING GOT THE FIX THEY NEEDED, AS THIS PREVIEW

RAISED THE BAR ON BRUTALITY FOREVER.

[ CROWD CHANTING "DETHKLOK" ] [ ELECTRIC-GUITAR CHORD PLAYS ]

[ CROWD CHEERING ] LESS THAN A WEEK AND COUNTING

BEFORE THE DETHKLOK ALBUM HITS STORES.

POLICE IN CHINA SUBDUED FANS AS THE SHIPS CARRYING THE

LIMITED-EDITION DETHKLOK ALBUM LEFT THE PORT OF SHANGHAI.

♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK ♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK

♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK ♪ DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK!

DETHKLOK! ♪ Charles: WELL, THE ALBUM HAS

SHIPPED, AND I'M SURE YOU'RE ALL ANXIOUS TO START TALKING ABOUT

TOUR PLOTTING, STAGING, UH, MERCHANDISE, UH...

Murderface: HEY! WATCH THIS!

YOU'RE ABOUT TO WITNESS THE ART OF THE PRANK CALL.

[ ELECTRIC-GUITAR RIFF PLAYS ] Toki: HELLO?

Murderface: I'M A LITTLE OLD LADY, AND I'D LIKE TO COME OVER.

Toki: HUH...

I'MS IN A STUPIDS MEETINGS, BUTS, UH, MAYBE YOU CANS COME

OVER LATERS.

WHO IS THIS?

Murderface: WE COULD ORDER PIZZA.

Toki: OH, I LOVES PIZZA.

HOW DIDS YOU GETS MY NUMBERS?

Murderface: [ SNICKERS ] Toki: HELLO?

HEY, SOME NICE OLD LADYS JUST HUNGS UP ON ME.

OH, I HOPES SHE'S OKAY.

[ ELECTRIC-GUITAR RIFF PLAYS ] Skwisgaar: ONE MOMENTS, TOKI.

HELLO, THIS AMS SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF, UH,

SPEAKINGS.

Murderface: THIS IS A DIVORCED, OVERWEIGHT

AFRICAN-AMERICAN LADY.

CAN I COME OVER?

[ CHUCKLES ] Skwisgaar: I MIGHTS BE ABLES

TO SQUEEZE YOU INS, UH...

Nathan: GUYS, DO YOU THINK THE RED IN THIS ALBUM COVER IS

TOO PINK?

THIS LOOKS LIKE FUCKING SOUP.

IT LOOKS LIKE PINK TOMATO SOUP.

CAN WE SEND IT BACK AND ASK THEM TO MAKE IT MORE BLOOD RED?

Charles: NATHAN, I'M SORRY, BUT THE ALBUMS HAVE ALREADY

SHIPPED.

Pickles: TOLD YOU SO.

Charles: IT'S TOO LATE.

Skwisgaar: HUH, THAT AMS WEIRDS, UH...

Toki: WHAT HAPPENEDS?

Skwisgaar: THIS LADYS CALLS ME AND SAYS SHE'S HORNYS AND

THEN SHE HANGS UPS ON MES!

I HOPES SHE AMS OKAY.

[ ELECTRIC-GUITAR RIFF PLAYS ] Toki: OH, I GOTS ANOTHER

PHONES CALL!

[ DIAL TONE ] THAT'S WEIRD.

I JUST GOTS A CALL FROM THE PRINCESS OF THE FORESTS AND SHE

HUNGS UP ON ME.

OH, I HOPE SHE'S OKAY.

Murderface: [ SNICKERS ] THEY HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE IT'S

ME.

I'M THE FUNNIEST FUCKING PRANK-CALL ARTIST THAT EVER

LIVED.

Nathan: HEY, IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO ON YOUR

VACATION -- PRANK-CALL, GOOF OFF?

Murderface: FUCK THAT!

CLUB HEDONISM IS DOING A FUCKING GETTYSBURG RE-ENACTMENT -- MY

TWO FAVORITE THINGS.

Pickles: HEY, NOW THAT THE RECORD'S COMING OUT, WHAT ARE

YOU GUYS DOING WITH YOUR FREE TIME OVER THERE?

Skwisgaar: I'LL PROBABLY, UH, FINALLY GETS SOME TIMES TO PLAYS

GUITARS.

Toki: I'LL PROBABLY WATCH HIM PLAYS GUITARS.

WHAT AMS YOU TWOS GOING TO DO?

Nathan: SHOULD I TELL THEM OR SHOULD YOU?

Pickles: YOU TELL THEM!

Nathan: WE'RE GOING ON OUR FRIENDER BENDER!

Pickles: YEAH, FRIENDER BENDER!

Nathan: YOU KNOW, OUR POST-ALBUM TRADITION OF DRINKING

AROUND THE WORLD TILL WE, UH...

YOU KNOW, BLACK OUT TOGETHER.

Pickles: YOU BLACK OUT.

I DON'T BLACK OUT.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT, NATHAN?

YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY TEQUILA WHILE WE'RE GOING ON OUR FRIENDER

BENDER. YOU KNOW WHY?

'CAUSE YOU TURN INTO A DARK PERSON.

Nathan: WILL YOU GET OFF MY BACK?

I'M NOT GONNA DRINK ANY TEQUILA, ALL RIGHT?

COME TO THINK OF IT, I DON'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I HAD

ANY. AAH!

[ PEOPLE SCREAMING ] Stampingston: GENTLEMEN, IT

APPEARS THAT WHILE DETHKLOK'S ALBUM SHIPS, THE BAND WILL BE

TAKING IT EASY.

GENERAL CROZIER?

Crozier: A FLEET CARRYING 600 MILLION LIQUID-FORMAT

RECORDINGS LEFT SHANGHAI YESTERDAY AT 0700 HOURS.

ARTILLERY BOATS AND COAST GUARD HELICOPTERS ARE ESCORTING THE

SHIPS AS THEY DELIVER THE ALBUM TO THE WORLD'S PORTS, WHERE

RABID FANS ARE ALREADY GATHERED.

Orlaag: THE PEOPLE'S LIBERATION ARMY AIR FORCE HAS

ESCORTED THE ALBUM MASTER BACK TO MORDHAUS.

Stampingston: YES.

MEANWHILE, WILLIAM MURDERFACE HAS BECOME A MASTER AT THE ART

OF THE PRANK CALL.

HERE TO SPEAK MORE IS PRANK-CALL SPECIALIST

DR. BORGERMUBARRETSWINGDWORTH.

DR. BORGERMUBARRETSWINGDWORTH?

THE PRANK CALL IS AN AMERICAN PASTIME THAT IS AS OLD AS THE

DAY IS LONG.

IN THE EARLY 1800s, PRANKS WERE DELIVERED BY HORSEBACK ON THE

PRANKY EXPRESS.

ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL INVENTED THE TELEPHONE SOLELY TO EXPEDITE

THE PROCESS OF HUMILIATING FRIENDS AND STRANGERS.

PRANK CALLS CAN SPIN OUT OF CONTROL AND SET OFF A CHAIN

REACTION.

PEARL HARBOR STARTED AS A PRANK CALL FROM "AN EMPEROR" -- A

12-YEAR-OLD KID IN HIS BASEMENT.

THE BAY OF PIGS WAS A PRANK CALL, AS WELL, BY FIDEL CASTRO'S

NEPHEW.

AND SOME BELIEVE "HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM" WAS AN

INTERPLANETARY PRANK CALL.

THE HISTORY OF PRANK CALLING MAY SEEM LIKE FUN AND GAMES, BUT BE

FOREWARNED.

THE TELEPHONE IS POWERFUL TECHNOLOGY THAT IN DETHKLOK'S

HANDS COULD LEAD TO IRREPARABLE HUMILIATION AND SHAME!

Orlaag: THE NEW DETHKLOK ALBUM IS THE ENGINE DRIVING OUR

WORLD'S ECONOMY.

Crozier: A BOOMING ECONOMY IS KEY TO PASSING THE FALCONBACK

LEGISLATION.

AS LONG AS VOTERS HAVE JOBS AND RISING REAL ESTATE, NOBODY WILL

QUESTION GOVERNMENT SPENDING FOR OUR BILL.

Orlaag: LET'S HOPE DETHKLOK'S EXCESSIVE DRINKING AND PRANK

CALLS DOESN'T INTERFERE WITH THIS NEW ECONOMY.

Selatcia: THE ALBUM HAS ALREADY SHIPPED, GENTLEMEN.

LET DETHKLOK'S DESCENT INTO DECADENCE PLAY OUT.

[ ELECTRIC-GUITAR RIFF PLAYS ] Toki: HELLO?

Murderface: TOKI WARTOOTH?

Toki: WHO AMS I SPEAKINGS TO?

Murderface: YOU JUST WON FREE TICKETS TO SPLASHEROONIE WATER

PARK! Toki: OH, WOWEE!

I LOVES WATER PARKS!

HOW MANY TICKETS DID I WINS?

Murderface: UH, ONE FOR YOU AND ONE FOR FUCKING SKWISGAAR.

I MEA-- I MEAN, A FRIEND.

Toki: OH, GIVES TO TOKI AT ONCE HIS TICKET!

Murderface: HOLD ON.

GO TO THIS ADDRESS AND SAY THE MAGIC PHRASE.

NOW, YOU MIGHT WANT TO WRITE THIS DOWN.

GO GET A PEN.

Skwisgaar: I GUESS THIS AMS THE PLACE.

Toki: EVERYONES, CAN I HAVES YOUR ATTENTIONS FOR JUST ONES

MOMENTS?

THIS SHOULDN'T TAKES TOO LONGS.

JUST GOTS TO READS YOU THIS IN ORDERS TO GET MY SPLASHEROONIE

TICKETS.

HAVEN'TS, UH, READS THIS YET.

HERE WE GOES.

"I WOULD LIKE YOU ALL...

TO SUCK MY COCK!" Skwisgaar: WAIT A MINUTES.

YOU CALLS THAT DEEJAY BACK AND --

Toki: I CAN'T!

I CAN'T EVEN CALLS HIM BACK.

I DON'TS HAVE HIS NUMBERS!

HE CALLEDS ME!

Skwisgaar: GIVES ME YOUR PHONES TO ME!

WHAT?

MURDERFACE!

Pickles: OKAY, SO, HERE'S THE PLAN.

FIRST STOP, RUSSIA -- BALKAN 161, FUCKING POLAR BEARS.

SWITZERLAND -- FUCKING ABSINTHE JELLO SHOTS, FUCKING HELI-SKI

DOWN A BIG MOUNTAIN BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

ITALY -- FUCKING GRAPPA, ART.

OOH, WHO GIVES A SHIT. LONDON -- FUCKING DRY MARTINI

AND FUCK YOU, BUCKINGHAM PALACE.

AND WE'RE NOT GONNA OBSESS ABOUT THE RECORD, OKAY?

Nathan: OKAY. Pickles: I MEAN IT!

Nathan: OKAY! Pickles: AND NO TEQUILA.

Nathan: OKAY!

Pickles: GOOD!

SO WE'RE GONNA FUCKING SPEND THE NEXT TWO WEEKS FUCKING DRINKING

LIKE CRAZY, RIGHT?

Nathan: YEAH!

Pickles: SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO FOR THE NEXT TWO HOURS WHILE WE'RE WAITING FOR OUR PLANE?

Nathan: MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE A DRINK.

Pickles: THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD IDEA.

DUDE, THERE'S GOT TO BE MORE BOOZE IN HERE SOMEWHERE.

Nathan: UHHHH.

TEQUILA.

Pickles: OH, NATHAN, I FOUND SOME HOT SAUCE AND SOME

BLUEBERRY SCHNAPPS.

NATHAN?

NATHAN?

Murderface: AH, NECK PILLOW, DRAMAMINE, COLOGNE IN AN

UNDER-4-OUNCE BOTTLE...

Toki: THERE'S ONE THING HE AMS FORGETTINGS -- HIMS CREDIT

CARDS!

Skwisgaar: WE GONNA SHOWS THAT FUCKINGS DILDOS WHAT THE

PRANKS CALLS REALLY AMS.

HELLOS.

MY NAME AMS WILLIAMS MURDERFACE, AND I WOULD LIKES TO BUY SOMES

AMMUNITIONS ANDS FIREARMS.

Toki: BUY SOME ANTHRAX.

THAT GETS YOU IN REAL TROUBLE.

Skwisgaar: AND PLASTIC EXPLOSIVES.

Toki: CAN'TS WAITS TO SEE THE DELTA SQUADS BLOWS THE TOPS OF

HIS HEAD OFF!

Skwisgaar: I CAN'TS WAITS TO SEE SOMEONE SNIPES HIM IN THE

FACE!

Murderface: HEY, I'M OFF TO THE AIRPORT FOR MY VACATION.

TAKE CARE WHILE I'M GONE.

BE SAFE, EVERYBODY. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

Skwisgaar: OH, HAVES A SAFE FLIGHTS, PAL!

Murderface: WELL, THANK YOU, SKWISGAAR.

THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU.

WORLD MARKETS ROSE SHARPLY AGAIN ON THE SHIPPING OF THE

DETHKLOK ALBUM, WHICH IS EXPECTED TO GIVE A HUGE BOOST TO

THE ECONOMY.

AS A RESULT, THE U.S. TREASURY ISSUED A NEW DENOMINATION OF

CURRENCY -- THE KLOKILLION.

THAT'S ONE MILLION KRILLIONS, FOLKS.

EXACTLY.

AND THE MARKETS LOOK AHEAD THREE TO SIX MONTHS.

NOW, MAJOR TRADERS ARE ALREADY FACTORING IN, WHAT, A WORLD

TOUR, MERCHANDISE, INCREASED CASKET SALES.

THIS IS NOT IRRATIONAL EXUBERANCE, MIND YOU.

THIS IS THE NEW GLOBAL METAL ECONOMY.

THIS IS THE NEW GLOBAL METAL ECONOMY.

SIRE, I REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT THE DETHJET HAS BEEN

GROUNDED DUE TO INCLEMENT WEATHER.

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ] YOU KNOW WHAT YOU MUST DO.

DESTROY THE MASTER.

[ BOTH LAUGH ] Toki: [ GRUNTING ]

[ PEOPLE SCREAMING ] ALL FLIGHTS CANCELLED DUE TO

BAD WEATHER ACROSS THE GLOBE.

SORRY.

Murderface: [ CHUCKLES ] OW!

[ WIND WHISTLING ]

YOU MUST DESTROY IT.

Pickles: HOLY SHIT, NATHAN!

WE'RE MOMENTS AWAY FROM THE ARRIVAL OF THE NEW DETHKLOK

ALBUM AT THE PORT OF ENTRY.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

THE COAST GUARD IS REPORTING

THAT THE SEA IS SWALLOWING ALL THE SHIPS CARRYING THE NEW

DETHKLOK ALBUM.

Pickles: NATHAN!

WALKING DOWN THE STAIRS WITH MY HAND ON THE WALL.

NATHAN!

UH, WE'RE JUST GETTING INFORMATION THAT THE ONLY

REMAINING COPY IS PROTECTED DEEP WITHIN MORDHAUS!

Pickles: NATHAN!

Nathan: IT'S A SIGN, PICKLES.

Pickles: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

Nathan: IT'S GOT TO BE DESTROYED.

Pickles: NO!

[ GULL SQUAWKS ]

DETHKLOK MUST GO BACK IN THE WATER.