Original subtitles

Football.

You know, when the coach told us we had to play with the guys, I had no idea.

You know, the referee should have called a penalty for illegal use of hands.

Oh, yeah?

Well, you went down fast enough on the five-yard line.

Well, you would, too, if you had five guys putting a rush on you.

Speaking of rush, am I glad that's over.

It wasn't easy getting pledges.

We certainly didn't have much to choose from.

Yes, have you seen a more tacky bunch of girls?

You know, some of them didn't even have enough money for the initiation fee.

Take that Honey Shane, for instance.

Did you know that she worked three years as a car

hop to get enough money to be able to go to school?

Can you imagine?

A car hop?

Why, honey, we didn't know you were there.

Oh, don't you cry, honey.

We love you.

They're not worth the salt in your tears.

Pi sorority turned us down, too.

But why?

Sororities are run by brainless, conformist snobs.

You should be glad you're not involved with them.

It's the last thing I do, I'm going to find a way to get

even with that Melody Ragmore and the whole damn Pi sorority.

Mountain folks have a saying, the best way to

get back at a gal is to steal her man away.

We'll not only steal Melody's boyfriend, but every last man on campus.

Pi sorority has to look like a convict.

Give me an H.

Give me a G.

Give me an S.

Gotch an E, gotch an O, gotch an E, gotch an S.

Uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh... Uh, uh...

To do everything within my power, using all my abilities, talents and assets

to win every man on campus away from Pi sorority.

So help me hot!

So help me hot!

Repeat after me.

On my honor, I will do my duty to uphold the high moral standards of Pi sorority,

forsaking all that is detrimental to our esteemed reputation.

Thank you.

And in conclusion, let me remind you that Pi stands for perfectly ideal girls.

Perfectly ideal girls?

Melody, that smells pig.

Cynthia!

A woman.

Perfectly ideal women.

Oh, shit!

Looks good, don't you think?

I think it looks hot.

Hot as a bass, Saturni.

Wow!

Look at the boom-booms on her!

Her feet would have to be fantastic.

Who cares about her feet?

Hello.

Oh, hot.

Does that mean they're in heat?

They act like it.

After all, they are dogs.

Does that mean what I think it means?

What do you think it means?

Hands off those suckers.

Yeah, hung outrageously to score.

Would you like me to tell you what it really means?

Yeah.

How about that one?

All right!

Hey, far out.

Who's playing your party?

Besides you and me.

I mean my band.

You can play this gig.

We're free that day.

Free?

Great.

The price is right.

You're on.

Y

'all gonna join us?

Join you?

Y'all falling apart?

I don't know, Richie, but it looks like you are.

Reaches that boy with a point.

Into the swimming pool.

Wearing nothing but a parachute.

A bikini.

And a great big smile.

Don't forget, it's not too late to place your bets.

Will she or won't she?

I hit the pool.

The odds are now two to one that she won't.

That's five dollars on no.

And I need your telephone number.

She packed her dreams, closed her secrets, closed her heart and mind.

And she turned her head to keep from looking at the tears that I was crying.

As her footsteps faded in the darkness, she was on her way.

I knew she'd try to lose herself in the lights of L.A.

Two notorious gangsters, Charles Ingle and Bernard Bugs

Benny, escaped this afternoon from the state penitentiary.

They were part of the great jinx robbery which netted a

quarter of a million dollars which has never been recovered.

Their former partner, Gimpy Gillespie, died in prison last week.

Full details on the... Yeah, that Gimpy had no class, dying from an ingrown toenail.

What?

I thought you said the Green Gang got him.

Gang Green?

How many times do I have to tell you, Bugs?

It is Gang Green.

Gang Green, Green Gang, what's the difference?

Either way, he looked an awful funny green.

Yeah, just like the color of all that money that's

just waiting for us in the house over there.

What if somebody's living there now?

Are you kidding?

Who would live in that dump, huh?

Who?

Oh, Clemson, I'm glad you're here.

I'm all puckered out.

Wow, look at all that dough rising.

If you keep this up, we're going to get the roof of the house fixed.

That's the problem.

I can't keep it up.

Want to bet?

Shoot!

Come on, y'all, get away.

I've had enough.

Can't say I blame you, though.

Granny's recipe gives everyone a buzz.

Shame on you.

Come on, gang, I've got a hot game for you that's really going to get you going.

Charlie, that can't be the house.

Why not?

It's the perfect spot for the money.

It's hot, too.

Come on.

Too bad Gimpy kicked the bucket before he could

tell us where in the house it was stashed.

Dean!

Things really changed while we were in the camp, Charlie.

Remember how the only way you could peddle hot stuff was through a fence?

Hey!

How many guys?

You got an extra extra large?

Look at that.

Get

out of here fast, because this place is underrated for sure.

Come on in!

Oh, Douglas, I'm so glad we were invited to Dean Chase's party.

All the really important people are going to be there.

Yeah, well, it really is quite an honor.

Hey, um, why didn't Cynthia come?

Oh, she was bushed.

I don't think they're so hot.

Oh, I can fix that.

Hot sauce!

Watch out, someone's coming.

The next quarterly seminar, if you get my drift.

Oh, do you want to serve some hors d 'oeuvres over here?

Rina, Jeff, some hors d'oeuvres?

I am so glad that you both could make it today.

Good to see you.

Oh!

How are you?

Oh, I'd like you to meet some members of our board of trustees.

Mr. and Mrs. Morgan, these are two of our very marvelous students.

This is Melody Ragmore, president of our inter-sorority council.

And this is Douglas Shannon, who is president of the FU student body.

We're having our little musicale.

La la la la la la la la la...

I

was five years old and I fell into the family's cesspool and I almost drowned.

You don't swim and you don't dance.

What do you do?

Give me a picture.

Wanna take a picture of you like that?

It'll keep me on my diet.

Oh, look at the picture!

We're back!

That must be the cops!

I told you they'd raid this joint!

And there she is!

The one and only, the fabulous... She's

headed towards the Dean's house!

Holy mother, McCree!

Goldstein, you won't believe what's skydiving!

You mean skin-diving!

Tra-la-la-la-la!

Hello!

I

didn't mean it, I'm telling you.

Hi!

Hey, man, I said hit the pool!

I never said which pool!

How disgusting!

What are you doing?

Let's go!

All right, McCree!

What's going on?

What's the problem?

Don't take a picture!

Don't take a picture!

The police are... Gentlemen, smile please.

Don't take a picture!

All right, all right.

Get out of here!

I... I have never... I have never...

I have never seen such outrageous behavior by the female members of our student body.

Now, this office and the Inter-Sorority Council charges Hotz with moral misconduct.

Everyone knows what Hotz stands for, and it's disgusting.

Quiet!

I'll have no more of this!

Now, sit down.

Now... I have it on very good authority that Hotz stands for hold on to sex.

Wait a minute!

We haven't been given a chance to present our side.

Boom, boom, uh...

Henrietta Banks accidentally lost her bikini top, and the pilot will testify to that.

And Hotz does not stand for hold on to sex.

No one has ever asked us what Hotz does stand for.

And now we feel it's time to show you.

Exhibit A, everyone meets Slinky.

Unlike sorority names, which are Greek to everyone anyway, and being that we are

primarily an environmental organization for seals, we wanted

a name that would be representative in benefiting the ecology.

Help out the seals?

You've got to be kidding.

And what about the wild goings-on at your Hotz party?

It was a fundraiser to help save the seals.

I'd call it more of a hell-raiser.

Regardless, if Hotz is to remain at this university, you

must maintain the standards set up by all our sororities.

But we're not a sorority.

Why must we conform to sorority rules?

Because you are conducting yourselves as one.

Therefore, it is absolutely essential that you conform to the standard procedures.

Number one, you must have a house mother.

Number two, you must maintain a passing grade point average.

And number three... No more shenanigans!

Now, if these procedures are not followed, Hotz will have to disband.

A pie pan!

Dear Hotz, hope this cools you off.

If being a hot whore lets give it to him!

Yeah, I do!

Those pie girls should have thought twice before they spiked my food.

I can just take so much heat.

You're crazy, Mad Dog!

You are crazy!

They don't call me Mad Dog Slate for nothing.

Besides... Our successful war campaigns have been far from the air.

Up in the air, Junior Birdman.

Up in the air, upside down.

Up in the air, Junior Birdman.

You can't keep a good dog down.

Would I like a piece of that pie?

Look out!

Oh my God, it's an earthquake.

We'll give you pie!

Won't it?

House mother for ten lovely, well-behaved, neat young ladies.

In need of love and care.

I bet these girls are going to be something else.

Let me check this thing out.

Sam, I know you want to make a statement about this homecoming queen nonna.

But our candidate is just so bizarre.

That's the point.

She'll get every liberal vote on campus.

Will Melody be pissed?

She won't stand a chance of winning now.

No more!

No more, honey!

Absolutely no more!

That ain't working no more in this crazy house.

It's a zoo!

What hit you?

Pie!

We're not the only ones who can throw pies.

And Cynthia says that our name is Mud anyway.

Don't worry, Clint.

And don't cry.

I've got a way to get even with her.

You do?

How?

I didn't want anybody to see me tonight.

Get in here and clean up this mess.

And you, stand right here.

Don't you move.

And what do you want?

Douglas Shannon's downstairs.

He's here for his jacket.

Douglas Shannon?

That's Melody's boyfriend.

I'll give it to him.

Boy, will I give it to him.

Hi, Doug.

Hello.

Sorry Boom Boom couldn't give it to you personally,

but she's sick in bed with a chest cold.

Well, with the Boom Boom, that could be serious.

I was just about to go for a swim.

I'd love to have you join me.

Yeah, uh... I don't have my suit.

Wonderful.

Come on.

Oh!

Oh, John.

Oh, John.

Oh, John.

Oh, John.

Oh, John.

Oh, John.

Oh.

Oh, Cynthia.

John.

Oh.

Oh, Cynthia.

Oh, John.

Oh, Cynthia.

Oh, John.

You're so strong.

Oh, Cynthia, you're so strong.

Oh, Cynthia, you're so terrific!

Oh, Cynthia, you're so great!

Oh, John, I could stay here forever!

Oh, Cynthia!

Oh, Cynthia!

Oh, John!

Oh,

so...

Hold it up!

I don't know, stupid.

Why don't you shut up?

Oh, can't you tell me to shut up, you asshole?

Oh, don't start with me!

I always knew you were an idiot!

Get me out of this platter!

I don't know what to do!

Come on!

Well, get me down or you'll be removing me!

Got it?

Okay, I think I almost got it.

Okay, one... One, two, three...

I can't!

Cynthia, you don't have to broadcast this.

As most of you will see, the results of your examination are quite disappointing.

It's amazing.

This should be your best subject, as familiar as you all are with the human body.

And anyone who has been exploiting anatomy the way that

you hot-skirls have should certainly know their subject.

And you had better shape up.

Hey, Professor, the shape is up.

Today's exciting episode of Hour of Despair.

Oh, Suzanne, everyone has left me.

Harvey has run off with Barbara.

I'm sorry.

That's all right, O'Hara, darling.

Listen, go right ahead.

Wherever you're going, enjoy yourself.

Thanks, Mama.

I'll get it up for you.

See you.

Don't worry about it.

I love you, too.

I must... help pick up the pieces of my shattered life.

Well, since you're picking up pieces, I sure wish

you'd come over here and pick up some of these.

Ah, good morning, little lady of the house.

This is your lucky day.

Well, it's about time.

Yes.

The Acme Robot Company, of which I am a representative, has chosen you to receive

one free day's service by... Ronnie DeLova.

A robot?

Sure.

He looks like a fugitive from a tin can factory to me.

But he dusts, he vacuums, he washes.

In fact, he does just about every household chore imaginable.

Does he do windows?

I do not do windows.

Windows do not compute.

But he does just about everything else, and

it looks like you could use a little help.

I do not do windows.

Well, I guess he don't do windows.

All right.

But let me tell you something.

This had better be good.

Oh, yeah, sure, sure.

Easy does it.

Right through the door here, Ronnie.

Right there's good.

There.

Now let me show you how easy it is to operate Ronnie DeLova.

First we disconnect this, and we put this here,

and we use the vacuum miter hose to hook up.

And once we get this in place, we hit our

extender buttons, and we are ready to operate.

And there we are.

Okay, Ronnie.

Easy does it.

There we are.

A robot cleaning house.

Now, what are they going to think of me?

Don't worry, lady.

We're going to clean out this place real good.

Easy, easy, easy.

Now, you clean up.

I'll look for the stash.

I do not do windows.

Well, you knock it off.

Oh, you look terrible.

A robot.

Booboo must come to see you.

I am Ronnie the Robot at your service.

Come on, Slinky.

Let's play catch.

Slinky, don't ignore me.

Here you go.

You know, it's fun.

Booboo, look what I've got.

It's

absolutely precious.

Why don't you just hug him to death?

I won't do windows.

I won't do anything.

Well, you can do your inner thing right down here.

Oh, Booboo.

But I have had it with you.

Hello, Professor.

Howdy, Professor Williams.

I suppose you girls know that if you do as poorly

on the next test, you will have failed my class.

Yes, we know, Professor.

Hello.

Hello, Professor.

Hello.

Are you girls going down?

All the way.

All right.

They're in.

Watch.

I can't.

The doors are closed.

Oh.

One, two, three.

Okay, now.

Oh, my goodness.

We're not moving.

We're stuck between floors.

We're... Oh, girls.

Oh, girls.

Oh, girls.

Where is the damn elevator?

How far have you gotten with Professor Williams?

Dead end.

All his or yours?

Let's face it, Cynthia.

He's only interested in one thing.

His work.

It looks like you've been putting in a lot of overtime.

Well.

How'd we do?

Did we pass?

Was that all right?

A+.

Definitely A+.

I had no idea that your knowledge of anatomy was so widespread.

Oh, definitely.

A+.

This thing's heavy.

Almost got it.

Just a minute.

Break it.

Break it.

This is a Pennyston University red alert.

Some F.U.

guys have just stolen our baby.

I can't believe it.

We did it.

We really pulled it off, man.

We actually got that mascot.

We really pulled it off.

I can't believe we had their mascot, man.

Oh, I can.

Relax.

He's harmless.

He used to be the star of his own TV series

until his ratings dropped and he got canceled.

How you doing, babe?

Yeah, I thought he looked familiar.

Yeah, man.

I bet those people don't even know he's in it.

You're a cute little bear.

He likes you, man.

Hey, yeah.

I can tell.

He's a nice little bear.

Next time we're going after the parakeet.

Wait,

I'll get my hands on those tires.

Get in line.

That way.

Let's go.

I

don't even know he's missing yet.

Those guys are so... close.

Let's get out of here, man.

You gotta be kidding.

Why didn't you go at home?

Well, I didn't have to then.

Not that one.

This one.

Come on.

What's the matter with you?

Boy, I feel better now that you've gone.

Say, what say we go over to the hot house, huh?

Yeah, all right.

What do you say, bear?

Hot, huh?

Okay.

Oh, hi.

Hi.

Hi, guys.

Gentlemen.

Gentlemen, this is clearly a case of mistaken identity.

Steal our bear, you dumb... Hit him.

Hit him, you dumb...

You didn't think you were going to get away with this, you son of a bitch.

Bet you thought you would, you smart-ass.

Ask Mad Dog what he did with our bear.

He's going with a pea brain.

That's a real good idea.

Why don't you ask Mad Dog?

Bear?

What bear?

I haven't seen a bear since you and Cynthia.

Enough of this bear shit.

Open the van.

No!

There's nothing in there.

Trust me.

Gentlemen, gentlemen.

This is clearly a case of mistaken identity.

Okay, guys, just one more round.

Really, I gotta go.

Where's our bear?

I've got an errand to do, really.

Okay, now I'm getting mad.

Okay, what'd you do with the bear?

Me?

I don't have a bear.

What are you talking about?

I guess we showed him, huh?

Oh, the food looks wonderful.

It looks too good to eat.

I know, I made Dad's favorite dish.

Oh, did you put honey on it?

No, I...

Look, I really hate to leave you, but... Then don't.

No, no, look.

I'm President of the Frat.

I have to go.

Look, I'll, um... I'll walk you to the door, okay?

No, it's okay.

You just run along.

I'm sorry.

What's doing home so early?

You sick?

Yeah, sick of Melody Ragmore.

And I bet she's giving that party just to get Doug back.

Well, quit crying.

Let's do something about it.

I want a can of hot water.

Does anybody else?

What are you doing?

We ought to have some decent food, instead of those silly little cans of pee.

That's a can of pee.

Yeah, all I want is a large cool bottle and a small hot bird.

Hey, Richie.

You already have a small hot bird.

Yeah?

Wow, now I know what they call a big boy.

Oh, yeah, sure, Cliff.

Now you know.

Honey?

Honey!

Don't you touch me, you... you pervert!

Juxtaprain!

Juxtaprain!

Juxtaprain!

Juxtaprain!

It's supposed to be on your bottom drawer, sweetie.

Juxtaprain!

Put your hands up and your pants down.

Come and get it.

What's taking them so long?

They should have been here by now.

Jock, you've got to be kidding.

I'm sorry.

Surrender!

Surrender!

Jackstrap, please!

Sorority looks like a convent.

I'm going to find out what's going on.

May I have Douglas, please?

I've already got him.

No, you...

Oh, this time they have gone too far.

Oh, you...

You...

Can I have the aspirin, please?

Thanks.

Honey, Dean is at the front door.

Uh-oh, now we're in for it.

What are we going to do?

Just what we plan to do if he ever comes snooping around here.

Well, put plan A into action.

Boom, boom, go get the drinks.

Terry, bring him out here.

You mean we're really going to do it?

Come on, Clubs.

Dean,

Jack, what a lovely sedan.

Well, uh, thank you.

Thank you very much.

Well...

Take one.

Really?

Oh.

Oh, thank you.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Don't drop it in!

Don't drop it in!

I'm sorry.

Oh, how could I have been so clumsy?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Is that all?

That's all.

Unless, of course, you have a pair of men's shorts I can borrow.

Why, no, sir.

What would we be doing with a pair of men's shorts?

Oh, what indeed.

Well, I guess that's all.

All right, you just make yourself at home and we'll tidy up your clothes.

What are you doing out here like that?

You're going to catch your death of cold.

Oh, don't try to con me.

Don't con me.

I know you're hiding a still up there.

Well, you're mistaken, sir.

There's just some old nasty bees up there.

Ah, and I suppose everybody just happens to have a bathtub hidden in their attic.

Well, I suppose they don't.

But they don't have a bath, do they?

They don't have our leaky roof either.

What's under that blanket?

Oh, it's empty.

It is?

Well, of course it is.

It hasn't rained up here in a long time.

Dean?

Dean!

You hot girls, you jerks.

You think you can get whatever you want by your flaunting and your teasing?

Well, now it's my turn.

Now I'm going to get what I want from you.

What, Mr. Chase?

Yoo-hoo, here bear.

Come to daddy.

Oh, we've been looking for that dumb bear for hours.

You know, I think he's caused us enough trouble.

Let's go home, man.

I'm tired.

Over here.

Get over here.

Give it to me.

Give it to me now.

Get away from me.

Get over here.

Get him off of me.

Wait, I think I see him.

Leave me alone.

I'm telling you all for the last time.

Why did you go to the store and buy him like everybody else did?

You see the bear?

Yeah.

And no, he's only half bear.

Please, please.

Hey, DJ.

Oh, shit.

For the wet t-shirt contest.

Well, I never heard of anything so disgusting.

You know, you can't let those hot girls show you up.

John's right.

Let's go.

Remember, this isn't just a contest to see how good you look in a wet t-shirt.

No, no, no, no.

But how well they move.

How well you move.

Shake.

Shake.

Shake.

Shake it.

Shake.

Shake.

Shake it up.

Shake it up.

Shake.

Shake.

Shake.

Shake it up.

Shake it up.

Shake it.

Shake.

Shake it.

Shake.

Shake it.

Shake.

Shake it.

Shake it up.

Shake it up.

Shake.

Shake.

Shake.

Shake.

Shake it up.

Shake it up.

Shake.

Sensational.

I'm sure you weren't talking about her dancing.

Go cool off.

If you girls insist on acting like men...

why don't you settle this once and for all the honorable way?

You mean with pencils?

Oh, football.

Football?

Don't you think that's kind of rough?

Can't take it, huh?

Well, you hot girls should be pretty used to being touched and tackled.

All right, big mouth, you asked for it.

Just to make it more interesting...

we'll say that every time a team scores a touchdown...

the opposing team has to take off a piece of clothing.

What?

Can't take it, huh?

Oh, yeah?

Well, you'll be the one that's taking it off at it.

Far out.

Strip football.

What if we lose?

Not a chance.

We've got something they don't.

Yeah, the captain of the F.U.

football team.

Macho Man will teach us his best moves.

Yeah, all of his huddles and passes.

Okay, this is called the plunge of the middle play.

Now to execute it, you need good blocks up front to open up the hole.

Macho Man, are you sure we're talking about football?

Hey, come on, let's go run one.

Let's go.

Growing up got me down so many times Stumbling through the tender years a girl

goes through ...tears, sometimes more than I could bear.

When the girl began to find a warm embrace.

I understand that all the pain was just a part of heaven.

Just long enough for you to take me.

That was beautiful, Terry.

I've never met anyone like you before.

I, uh... I... Yes, macho man?

I need another drink.

Would you like anything?

Yeah, but it's not in the cooler.

Hey.

Here, have one on me.

Thanks.

Sure.

So you're gonna make it with Terry, huh?

She's hot stuff.

You'll enjoy yourself.

I know I did.

Boy, did you hear that creep?

Yeah.

Richie is always pulling that kind of crap.

Yeah.

It's time somebody taught him a lesson.

I've got an idea.

If you're willing to go along with it.

Boy, oh boy, am I willing.

Hey, how about doing a duet?

Sure.

Somebody lines.

You've reached the end.

When I know, girl, what you're going through.

Just how much you need a friend.

Now look at me.

I want to help you.

If you can't help yourself, you can't help yourself to me.

How do I look?

Wow, just like Gunny's twin sister.

It's perfect.

Can you believe anyone is as big as O 'Hara?

No.

How do I look?

Perfect.

Almost.

A little more, and even O'Hara's mother won't even know the difference.

With these disguises, we'll be able to go through the Hott's house unnoticed.

Right.

And then we'll put some of this itching powder into their uniform.

They won't know what to do first tomorrow, scratch or pat.

Hey, tell Sam I'm here and ready to eat.

Hey, Sam, it's Romeo.

Salt, for the Peter.

Hold it, sugar, that's enough.

Are you sure it's going to work?

Am I sure it's going to work?

Honey, after a bowl of that, he ain't going to get up for a week.

Well, that's great.

Thanks.

A month.

A month.

How did you ever calm the professor out of his video equipment?

I told him I was doing an in-depth expose on the sex life of campus animals.

Good?

How about another bowl?

Are you kidding?

I just had two.

Coffee?

Yes, please.

It keeps me up at night.

We'll see.

Here they come.

Well,

that was some meal.

Then I guess everything you make is great.

Well, yeah.

The best part.

Yet to come.

Hi, macho man.

Hey, don't worry.

He's just on his period.

Hey, what's going on?

There's a really good show coming on.

You look great in red.

Well, thank you.

It's one of my favorite colors.

I wear it all the time.

Hey, look at that guy.

He looks just like Richie.

Hey, that is Richie.

What's he doing?

What's this?

No sound?

Somebody turn it up.

Oh, yes?

No, no, Richie, I can't.

What?

Why not?

Because it would be cheating.

On who?

Mad dog?

I won't tell.

Did you tell him?

No.

Good.

On Terri.

Terri?

Terri, why does she have to know?

Because you're having an affair with her.

What?

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

I heard you tell macho man you were.

At the beach party.

Don't worry about that.

I was just putting the overgrown Uncle Art on.

Hey, where's that guy?

I'll kill him.

No, wait.

He's dead already.

Now, watch.

You know, Terri, she's so crazy about that jerk, she won't even look at another guy.

Let me show you what a real macho man looks like.

You're in for a treat.

They're actually watching us.

Those perverts.

Oh, now.

Richie, now, please.

I want you so.

I said now.

I

don't understand.

I can't seem to... It won't... It won't...

Excuse me.

Take your time, Richie.

I understand.

I'm under the covers, waiting for you.

Oh, that feels so good.

You really turned on, aren't you, baby?

I bet you learned to do that.

Oh, kiss me.

Smile.

You're on candid camera.

Oh, you're kidding.

You guys didn't really do that.

Oh, yes, we did.

We're not Patterson's number one fraternity for nothing.

You mean they were bald?

Bald?

I don't know about their sex lives, but when we were through with them,

the only hair you could find wasn't on their heads.

Oh, I'd love to do that to Honey Shane.

Oh, it's too bad we don't have a razor.

Who says we don't?

On to the hot sounds.

Oh, think how happy it'll make Melody.

Oh, aren't they ever going to leave?

I'm going to sneak around back.

See if I can get in.

Okay.

Wait a minute.

Isn't that Honey?

This stuff is foul enough to rust your pipes.

Oh, do I stink.

And itch.

Hey, you guys.

Now we got her all tied up.

Let's find out if she's ticklish.

I think that's a good idea.

I can't wash this.

I'm going to the store.

She can't.

Okay.

This won't take long.

Melody.

Melody.

Melody.

Where are you?

Stephanie, what are you doing here?

Why are you dressed like that?

You look like a little harem.

Never mind all that.

Where's Melody?

I left her right over there.

You left Melody over there?

Yeah.

I just wanted to show that there were no hard feelings.

Yeah.

We all know that.

I'm going to show you guys.

Because I'm the class.

And I'm the great.

And I'm the one.

And I'm the only.

And I'm the tough.

And I'm the jock.

You guys just wait.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Let's go show those bad girls that hot can't be beat.

Not today or tomorrow.

What a break.

Come on, let's go find that stash.

Play like that, we can't lose.

I just did lose.

My top just broke.

You'd better go back and get another top.

I think I better help her.

Alone.

Hurry up, Ginny.

I'll be there in a minute.

Come on, Flinky.

She don't need your help either.

H-O-T-S.

Hot, hot, hot, hot.

H-O-T-S.

Hot, hot, hot, hot.

H-O-T-S.

Hot, hot, hot.

Bugs.

Hey, Bugs.

Who the hell are you?

Oh, uh, pest control, miss.

I'm looking for Bugs.

I'm in here.

We better find that girl before she blows the whistle on us.

Right, Charlie.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

And welcome to the Ferrenville University Game of the Year.

In

really good shape, Doug.

I've heard they've had a 3 a.m.

curfew.

Well, now that's really...

I can safely say that we're going to see more

of these girls than we've ever had before.

Take it off, take it off, take it off, take it off.

Each player began this game with exactly four pieces of clothing.

And each time a team scores, all members of the opposing team must give us a piece.

I know what I'm going to do with mine.

Happy plans for you, Doug.

Let's go.

Maybe she needs some help.

Help!

My cat!

What do you mean your cat?

What's the matter?

There's no dog out.

Where is it?

Right here.

Oh, great.

Tommy!

Quick, quick, quick.

Nice bear.

Come on, come on in.

You want head or tail?

Tail.

I wasn't so lucky for you.

Do you think there's any other reason why I'm here?

Great coat.

Looks hot.

I used to deal with hot boys myself.

Nice bear.

Bugs.

Sensuous.

And here's the kickoff.

Melody sends a tricky little squiggler.

Takes a big hop.

And Klutz is gone.

She's at the fifty.

The forty-five.

Big Bunga!

Hey, there's more in here.

More than money.

Quick.

Beef!

Let's get the money and get out of here.

Hey, where'd that cow go?

Stop her.

No, honey!

She's knocked on her buns and stepped in coals.

She is so unprofessional.

That's a touchdown for Pi.

And you know what that means.

Six points.

And the first piece.

Come on.

You almost had me.

Get out of here.

Did you fly this thing?

No, it's you in it.

Come on, get it off the ground.

Hey, I hate violence.

Jump on it.

Jump.

Quick, he's almost got us.

Balloon.

Hey,

somebody's stealing my balloon.

The balloon.

Somebody's stealing my O'Hara.

Well, at least they found the bear.

Come on, we gotta follow them.

Okay, fine.

Hotz down.

I don't think I have those stats, Doug.

Well, it looks like Hotz is coming apart without their star quarterback O'Hara.

Yeah, she certainly knocked him up in the air.

Come on, lay this thing out.

I'll split the money with you.

What do you think I'm trying to do?

I can't.

The bear's blocking the control.

Oh, no, you just ran a red light.

Smokey's on our tail.

We can't stop now, or we'll lose the balloon.

Can you make that license go, Steve?

Buddy, get him on the other side, will ya?

You're tilting the basket.

I'm doing my best.

Lead to the right.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Then lead to the left.

There's the stop.

Now we can land.

This is our lucky day, old fool.

Two escaped cons in a stolen van.

Come on, come on, they're gaining on us.

They'll never take us alive.

Schmucks.

Hurry up.

No, no, no, they're going out of control.

It's gonna crash.

Holy mother of McCree, they're headed for the stadium, the football stadium.

Goldstein, call the fire department.

Call the ambulance.

They're going to explode.

Hold that line.

Hold that line.

Hold that line.

Hold that line.

Hold that line.

Wait

a second, in all the confusion, the ball is loose on the field.

Sam snaps up the ball.

She scored.

I don't want to... Don't tell me about... Don't you... I know what I saw.

Don't bother me.

She scored.

That was a score.

A score.

It

would be so nice to get back in the pen.

Dean Chase has ruled that no timeout was called.

We have an official touchdown for Hotz.

That's right, Doug.

He said before the game he personally wanted to see it reach a speedy conclusion.

What an exciting day, ladies and gentlemen.

And there's more to come.

Hotz is about to kick off for the second half.

And here's the kickoff to five.

Gladys has the hot hands.

A lateral to Melody.

Melody... And she's stopped cold as Honey puts her away.

Hey, now, things seem a little tense down there, Doug.

What do you think it was?

Well, Richie, it looked like a right call.

Honey throws a little short and O'Hara's all over the ball.

Interception for Hotz.

O'Hara's really covering her ground.

Sidney's on her tail, but she's going all the way.

O'Hara scores for...

If we

don't put on a show soon, we are going to lose this game.

That's not all we're going to lose.

Okay, let's go out there and show them what we're made of.

All right, you guys.

Sixty-nine on four.

Ready?

Creep on!

That's right, and it picks up about six yards.

Second and four, Doug.

They have to keep it up.

Yes, they can, Richie.

I give up.

You said it would never come to this, Melody.

Yeah, me too.

I don't want to play anymore.

Play?

You guys aren't playing.

You're too busy holding your boobs.

Now we've got a punt, so let's tag them this time.

Yeah, you can't play two-hand touch with one hand and expect to win.

Right, now let's just go beat the pants off of them.

All right?

Yeah.

Hots!

Hots, unable to move the ball against the

charged-up Hots defense, was forced to give it up.

Give me an H!

Give me a T!

Give me an S!

Gotch H!

Gotch O!

Gotch G!

Gotch S!

What do you got?

Yay!