Original subtitles

Previously, on "The Real Housewives

of Beverly Hills"...

Y'all, look. It's so mucky.

This is straight mud, girl.

[clanging]

That's it. Thank you.

Oh, thanks so much.

Refill it. Thank you.

I understand that your liquor level was

beyond at my birthday party. - Yes.

But there's gotta be a balance

of the meds and the cocktails.

I was surprised you told everybody

about your eating disorder.

I always felt like the ugly kid.

You wanna be a mother----er.

She told me I was mother----er.

- What? - Yeah. You translate that

as I [BLEEP] my mom. - [laughs]

That's stupid.

I'm here to make peace.

I was trying to give you benefit of the doubt.

She's been clumsy with the words,

but I actually have changed my mind.

I actually think you mean what you said.

♪

[upbeat music]

I don't need the spotlight.

I shine just fine.

Hi, I'm Karma,

and yes, I am a bitch.

You can take all my things,

and you won't have taken a thing that matters.

The only thing better than having it all

is having even more.

If you want a seat at my table,

you best mind your manners.

They say talk is cheap,

but in Beverly Hills, it can cost you.

I have nothing to hide and nothing to lose,

and that makes me dangerous.

When you're the real deal,

you don't have to pretend.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Oh, oh, oh

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, hey

[line trilling]

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh

What are you doing?

[laughs]

Rinna, I was like, oh, my God. What--I can call you back.

Thank God, honey.

Just when you think you're done with COVID, Omicron comes.

Now Lisa, Erika, and Garcelle all have COVID.

Luckily, I've managed to dodge the bullet...

this time.

- So you're going to Kyle's. - For luncheon, yeah.

I'm gonna leave soon.

Well, it should be interesting.

Let me know about all the gossip.

- I will. - Muah. Bye-bye, love.

Bye, baby. Bye.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, hey

♪ Oh, oh, oh

♪ Yeah, yeah, hey

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, hey

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh

[upbeat music]

♪

[knocking]

You look so gorgeous and stunning.

- Hello, dear. - How are you? Muah.

Let's come in here. - Ohh.

I'm the most unrelaxed human being you've ever--

- Why? - 'Cause I just colored

my gray roots. I-- - I'm gonna check.

Let me just-- - No, you--

- I just wanna see... - My skin is dyed.

- If we got all of them. - My skin is dyed.

I'm running around like a chicken.

My gate has rang 4 million times.

Any gray?

[kisses] I couldn't give a sh--about your gray hair.

[laughs] Muah.

I couldn't give a [BLEEP] about your gray hair.

I know, I know, I know.

All I care about is your heart.

Thank you. Muah.

I'm so excited. - That's all I care about.

It's why I'm here. - I'm so excited.

You're--I'm not here because of your hair.

- I know. - I'm not here because

of your pretty house, although it is beautiful.

You're gonna make me look bad, you've never seen it.

I'm not here for any other reason except your heart.

I've known Jamie Lee Curtis since 1978,

when we did the first original "Halloween" movie together.

She's been a movie star for over 40 years,

and yet, she is so down-to-Earth

and so kindhearted and thoughtful.

So this is Diana.

Let's put Diana here.

- This is Sutton. - Sutton here.

And Sutton here, OK.

Over the years, Jamie had reached out

to me to do charity work

for Children's Hospital Los Angeles.

[cheering]

Kyle and Mauricio have joined the First Families

at Children's Hospital of Los Angeles, which is a very

specific level of giving.

I spoke with Lyndsay at Children's Hospital.

- Yeah. - And they're building a new

building and all of that.

They're building a new building?

Yeah, and a whole play area for the kids and everything.

So I was asking her to get back to me

with information about that because, I mean,

that's such a great opportunity to do...

- It's perfect. - Such amazing things.

- Perfect, perfect. - Jamie founded

this company called My Hand in Yours,

where 100% of the proceeds go to Children's Hospital.

So today I wanted to help support Jamie

with a fundraiser.

Where should we sit? - Where's the light good?

- I know. - When I used to go

into business meetings... - What--

I would walk in the room,

and I would immediately look where I'm lit well,

and I would sit there.

And it didn't matter if it was, like, a person's desk.

I'd be like, "No, no, no.

I'm gonna to sit here." They're like,

"Well, that's my desk."

It's like, "Yeah, that's good."

I'm gonna sit right here

because I'm gonna look really good...

- Right? - In this--

We're not stupid. We know what we're doing.

I mean--

Hello.

both: Hi. - It's Diana.

- Hi, Diana. - Hi.

- I'm Jamie. - How are you?

- Hi. - Nice meeting you.

Lovely to meet you.

Well, hello.

- I'm Jamie. - Hi, Jamie.

Oh, no hug?

- Oh, I'll hug. I do-- - I like to hug.

Listen, in the world today, I just don't know anymore.

You know, you don't-- - Hi, Diana.

You don't extend yourself.

Well, then I'm going to hug you.

I'm a hugger. Come here.

[laughter] Come here.

- Hello. - Hi, how are you?

- Oh. - Hi, ladies.

I'm Jamie. - I'm Crystal.

Jamie, Crystal, Sutton.

- I'm Sutton. - Hi, Sutton.

- Nice to meet you. - Hi, ladies.

You look cute.

I am so not in a mood for Sutton.

Not at all.

Oh, we're only missing Dorit now.

- Oh. - Three of our friends

are sick right now. - Hard times.

- Hi. - Hi, I'm Jamie.

I'm gonna hug you. - Oh.

- Are we hugging? - We're hugging.

Jamie Lee Curtis! Oh, my God!

- Hi. - Good to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Look, aren't you good to bring--

here, I'll put them by the Christmas tree.

- Perfect. - I know where they go.

Hello?

Am I here? Is this real?

Ladies, are we ready to go into lunch?

Yes.

[upbeat music]

Oh, this looks really pretty, Kyle.

Wow.

I mean, we're really blending in with the whole decor.

Yes, you and I have made really good choices.

We have. I mean, this is good.

- And look... - I know.

- If you had given me this-- - Well, I'm sorry, but--

Would you like it? - No. Thank you, though.

- There's lipstick in there. - But look, this would

have been such a good-- - This is--it's good.

Except I have too many animal prints.

Is this Dolce?

It is old Alexander Wang.

Like-- - Oh, God.

OK, Sutton, you are right over there.

- Kyle? - Yes.

- Really? - Which?

- Nothing. - [chuckles nervously]

Let's put Diana here.

- This is Sutton. - Sutton here.

And Sutton here, OK.

I have Diana right next to Sutton.

But let's be honest,

she's gonna have an issue with someone somewhere.

OK, why don't we switch with-- sorry.

Here, Diana, you're next to me.

- At this end of the table. - Yeah.

This isn't you. Oh, no. It's Sheree.

She just switched.

That'll be...better.

I'm learning a lot already.

I know.

Yeah.

She's trying to make a run for it.

For entrée, you have a choice,

the branzino or the filet mignon.

Oh, branzino, please.

Oh, I will have the branzino, actually.

Branzino, please.

OK.

I'm gonna to put it on the lash.

- OK. - OK.

- I'm just not-- - No, wait--uh--

[laughter] [chatter]

You gluing my eye shut, woman?

I am so into this. You have no idea.

Oh, gosh. Wait, wait, wait.

both: Shut up. - Wait.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Well, it came out in a big glob.

Oh! [laughter]

That is sabotage.

- I can't stand you! - It is not sabotage!

This has now become a medical emergency.

- Wait, wait. Stop. - No!

Oh, this is all bad.

- Listen, listen. - Hey, hey. Back off.

Sutton, get your hand off her.

She has glue everywhere.

Aunt Jamie's got it under control.

- Thank you, Auntie Jamie. - Hold on.

And thank you, Sutton, because I got your lash on.

No thank you, Sutton.

[laughs] You're loving this.

- OK. - Am I good?

- You're good. - Why do I feel--

like, my eye feels funny, though.

I heard that you had lunch with Sutton.

How'd it go?

You cut me deep.

And if I told you right now... - Yeah.

It's all good, it would be fake.

[tense music]

♪

It's the truth. I did, like, exfoliate.

♪

Coming up...

Why are you always in trouble? What's that about?

Because I say what I think.

How's that working out for you?

♪

♪

We are just so happy to be with you.

Thank you. That's sweet of you, Dorit. Thank you.

This looks so good. Thank you.

This is gorgeous.

So why don't I talk about why I'm here while you guys eat?

By the way, everything that I'm showing you

is on myhandinyours.com.

The My Hand in Yours tumblers.

A really yummy-- - It keeps things hot

and cold and-- - Hot and cold.

Amazing.

We have the My Hand in Yours license plate holder.

Whoa!

- We have a wind chime... - Oh, a wind chime.

Of My Hand in Yours.

Jamie, let me just say that is the chicest wind chime

I have ever seen. - Thank you, darling.

Jamie has found herself a new best friend in Dorit.

She's really going over the top with her love for these items.

Then this dog leash.

Stop it right now.

And we put a My Paw in Yours dog tag on.

And he manufactured this... - I mean, honestly.

- And designed it. - Incredible.

A lavender candle.

It's very chic.

These are the hats.

So chic.

Little snugglies.

Really very chic.

At this point, Jamie Lee Curtis

could show Dorit a dirty old tissue, and she would say,

"So chic! Oh, my God!"

- That's the end of my spiel. - Aww.

[applause] - Yay!

I love you. Muah.

- Thank you. - We love it all.

I was talking to Children's Hospital Los Angeles,

and I decided to give $25,000

to the Kyle Richards and Jamie Lee Curtis Fund.

- Aw. - At Children's?

- At Children's Hospital. - That's beautiful.

We'll have our little fund together.

Yeah!

Jamie, Jamie, Diana is matching my 25,

just so you know.

She's matching it. - Wow!

I am.

I am so grateful.

But now I'm thinking,

should I have said a higher number?

- I just didn't know if I-- - That is so beyond,

and I really thank you so much. - I'm so sorry for--

I'm so excited about my gift bag.

I cannot even tell you.

Use it all in good health.

Thank you for giving us opportunity

of being part of it.

Kyle, thank you. This is beautiful.

- Thank you. - Thank you, my darling.

Thank you for having me for lunch.

Oh, my God, that food was so good.

- No, it was amazing. - All right, ladies.

I'm gonna leave. - Aw.

Good luck to you.

Oh, thank you.

Good luck to you.

- You're amazing. - And thank you for helping us

have a really great start to our Jamie and Kyle Fund...

- This was a lovely day. - For Children's Hospital.

- Yes, that's crazy. - Yes.

I'll be right back, ladies.

Peace, everybody.

Happy holidays. Stay safe.

I'm in menopause.

I can't sit next to this fireplace.

- Oh, my gosh, I love it. - Are you kidding me?

Do you wanna switch with me?

I love it. - Yes.

I'm freezing.

Let's get a drink. Come on.

Oh, my God, that food was so good.

Hi, guys.

♪

You had lunch with... - Diana.

- Diana. - Mm-hmm.

And?

She's angry.

I was saying that I'm sorry that you were on bed rest.

Yes, I was.

You are the fakest person I've ever met in my life,

literally.

Why you always in trouble? What's that about?

- I don't know. - What do you think?

Because I say what I think.

How's that working out for you?

It's not working out too good.

So then maybe we should rethink.

I'm gonna be quiet.

I'm gonna just sit and be quiet,

and then y'all are gonna be sad.

I'm telling you. We talked about this.

And then y'all are gonna be like, "She not talking."

Let me tell you this, 'cause I understand

what you're saying, but when you are bitchy to me

at one of my lowest moments,

that has a different weight.

But does it excuse mocking me when I'm telling you

of some of my lowest moments?

- No. - I wouldn't ever make fun

of somebody's miscarriage. - You did.

- Well, you did. - You questioned that

she was on bed rest.

So you're on bed rest, but you're here.

So that's confusing.

You're gonna have to clear it up.

Yeah.

Had you led with, "I am really empathetic

and I've experienced this," I think you would have had

a different reaction from her. - Absolutely.

We're all different people.

She hurt my feelings terribly.

This is a pattern with Sutton.

It's always about Sutton.

While you were going through all this,

she posted a picture drinking margaritas

saying "thirsty Thursday," and cheering, and, like,

having the time of her life.

If you can't see your own mistakes,

you're gonna have a lot of trouble.

Do you wanna try and fix things?

I'm like...mm.

Oy, yoi, yoi, yoi, yoi.

I just have to give one more hug and thank you.

Oh, thank you. Thank you, girl.

[sighs] Well, cheers to that.

- Cheers, guys. - Cheers.

- Cheer, cheer, cheers. - Kyle, thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you.

This is a big deal what you're doing.

To, like, speak out on, it's a big deal.

You're making a lot of difference for the kids.

And to donate your own money, and give your time,

and everything is incredible. - Thank you.

How are you doing?

- OK. - How are you?

I saw what you posted on Instagram

about your eating disorder.

I haven't quite nailed down what causes it, like--

Is it more like you don't have control, if things feel

out of control around you, and that's

your way of controlling it?

Or is it more of an appearance thing...

- I think... - Where you're being

hard on yourself? - Definitely, it's control.

I don't think it's an appearance thing.

It's more of an internal feeling.

The holidays can be very triggering.

And the other day, I was gonna post

this picture of the family.

And I remember feeling like my stomach and my body,

and I just, like, felt like crap.

And I decided to be just super real and post about how

I was actually feeling.

- Are you binge eating? - No. I don't binge.

- You don't binge eat. - No.

So you eat very little. And then the very little

you eat, you throw up.

[tense music]

Well, you're asking the hard questions.

I'm asking just because I know.

♪

When I was younger, I had my own problems.

- Did you? - Yeah. I would take V8 juice,

and put it in a bowl, and heat it up.

And that was my food.

- Oh, my God. - I weighed 99 pounds.

I would eat very little and then

be worried about those few little calories I had.

When I was younger, forgetting on a public platform.

We didn't talk about it with our friends or our family.

So Crystal posting this on social media, to me,

it really seems like a cry for help.

For me, it's physically feeling

like I've overconsumed.

I wake up every morning thinking about

everything I eat.

What would be something that would make you feel bad?

Like, would you order pasta?

I will never order pasta because...

- Wow. - It'll trigger me.

And when I watch someone that's eating it, I envy it.

My eating disorder started when I was 11.

I remember every school picture I was in the back row, always.

It's one thing to be the tallest girl,

tallest kid in class,

but also looking different

as a minority just makes it even that much more apparent.

And I worked very hard to accept

how I look and-- [exhales]

appreciate it, and it's still hard.

Physically being in my body sucks.

- Why? - Oh.

It just sucks. I feel ----ing like sh-- all the time.

I'm so sorry.

And I'm just exhausted from it.

I'm so sorry, love.

I know how much you do love food, too.

Aww.

I'm gonna give you a hug. - So sorry.

You're so gorgeous. And you're--

and I know you know that.

I wanna eat a meal and, like, be OK with it, you know?

I don't wanna, like, hate what I'm eating every day.

I'm just exhausted.

[crying]

Just--I'm so tired of it.

Yeah, the scariest thing about...

my eating disorder is that I'll pass it to my kids.

I just don't ever want my kids to, like, suffer this much.

It's just an ongoing battle.

Being so open about it, for sure

you'll get there, for a hundred percent.

- I want to. - Have to--

Yeah, because it's like the more you talk about it,

make it a more open thing... - Get it out of your head.

So not be in your head. - Exactly.

I just feel like-- 'Cause it's you're so

in your head about it.

Because I went through my own issues

with an eating disorder, I have educated

myself and my daughters.

And I really made a conscious effort

to make sure that they never went

through what I went through.

Let's take our drinks over.

I feel like we've been gone for a long time.

- OK, see. - I don't have any makeup

on me, right? - You look gorgeous.

Opening up and talking about this on Instagram

actually can be a good thing

if she seeks help because whatever she's doing so far

isn't helping her.

Hi, girls.

So what were you guys talking about

when we were not in here, I'm curious?

- Oh, my Lordy, have mercy. - Their lunch?

- Yeah. - Yes.

That's the truth.

- Well, anyway, that sounds-- - Awkward.

[tense music]

♪

Coming up...

Diana isn't ready to accept anything.

She's right.

[tense music]

Well, what were you guys talking about when

we were not in here, I'm curious?

- Oh, my Lordy, have mercy. - Their lunch?

- Yeah. - Yes.

That's the truth.

- Well, anyway, that sounds-- - Awkward.

♪

- [laughs] - Awkward.

I think that Diana isn't ready to

kind of accept anything.

And-- - She's right.

What is "anything"? What is--accept what?

Did you apologize? - She doesn't--

Or do you expect an apology?

I don't know any of that. - No, no, no, no.

I--you know, I'm done apologizing

because I've apologized.

I don't think she's ready to even

ponder any kind of friendship.

I came to L.A. because I did not

want to be in the space of--

by the way, my baby was due very soon.

So-- - Oh.

And I did not want to count the weeks to the birth.

So... - Yeah.

I kind of flipped my whole life upside-down

so I don't go to that dark place.

So I ended up with the girls in Mexico trying to have fun.

Unfortunately, I shouldn't have done tequilas or anything

because it's a blood thinner.

The mistake of having glass of champagne because all I

wanna do is sleep. - So what would pick you up?

Glass of white wine. [both laugh]

And, you know, on the way back in the plane,

I started bleeding again.

I was not happy with myself and my treatment of my own body.

And maybe have sent a little bit of rude message

to a group, but I'm ----ing doing my best.

That's all there was to it.

And so it started from there, I guess, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I didn't--I thought that it happened...

- A long-- - A while--not a long time ago.

I knew it was recent. - I thought it was months.

I thought it was six months ago.

I'm raw emotionally and physically.

So Sutton behavior-- it was very hurtful.

And she should really know better than talk

to me like this.

I was just trying to connect, and I really was.

And it was an honest approach to connect to you.

We've had a rough and rocky start.

And I'm to blame for, I'm gonna say, 95% of it.

Thank you.

Take all the time you need.

Take all the space you need.

And I'm here.

I'm happy to talk about it with you privately, whatever.

- Thank you. - OK?

- OK. - Sutton, that was beautiful.

[upbeat music]

♪

[phone ringing]

- Hi! - Hey.

How are you? - I'm good.

How are you feeling?

Better. You're, like, up and around.

I've been up a little bit.

I was just decorating the tree 'cause I

haven't done any decorating.

But you look like you feel normal.

Do I? I don't feel quite normal.

How is everything with you?

I get out of this isolation in two days.

So I'll see you Tuesday at Diana's?

- Yeah, for sure I'm there. - Great, great, great.

Can't wait.

Diana has a certain reputation

for doing things in a big way.

And I've had COVID,

so I'm ready for a Diana Jenkins Christmas party,

for sure.

The holidays bring up a lot of memories--

decorating the house, and being with Tom and my son,

and, you know, just all of that.

Like, how much more can we take?

We can just keep taking these punches

and rolling with them.

What else is there?

There's not much.

[both laugh]

I said that with such sincerity too, didn't I?

Oh, but, I mean, that's what I'm saying.

We wake up, make the best of it, and that's it.

[BLEEP] it. - Yes, I agree.

So Harry brought home your "Los Angeles"

magazine cover.

I have not read it, but it is in my kitchen.

- Please do. - I will.

There are no great revelations.

They're, like, 365 days late.

- Really? Oh, well. - Yeah.

I mean, there's nothing there.

The "L.A." magazine article is a recycling

of the same old problems.

They criticize me for being ambitious.

But other than that, it's just about the same old lawsuits

that were filed, the same old controversy.

They dehumanize me.

It hurts, you know. It hurts.

I think that it was a low blow to call me ambitious

as, like, it was a slight.

- Right. - Would it be better

if I were a lazy wife,

you know, or a polite wife, or an in-her-place wife?

But instead, I'm an ambitious one, and therefore, I am bad.

Have you talked to Tom at all?

Yeah. He heard I had COVID,

so he wanted to make sure I was OK.

When Tom calls, sometimes he's super present,

and sometimes he thinks I'm someone else.

Nothing about these conversations are good,

other than I know that he's in a safe place.

But I also know what that place means, you know,

memory care facility.

I've been down this road with my grandmother.

Doesn't get better.

It only gets worse from here.

Now, let me ask you.

They've come out and said that the brother's gonna

represent him in your divorce?

They just dropped their divorce lawyer, probably

because they can't pay him.

And I'm imagining, you know. - Oh.

He's probably expensive. But also too, like,

I can't get a divorce right now.

Like, I'm legally separated.

So my life has moved on, and everything is separate.

But I can't get a divorce right now.

There's so much legal sh-- going on.

It's ironic, but if I was divorced from Tom,

I'd have to pay him alimony.

I'll stay married, thanks.

[laughs]

Well, it's always something, it seems.

Yeah, it's a weird time, and I'm really

ready for it to be over.

Coming up...

Trying to get in touch with you

is like trying to pull a hemorrhoid out

of a bull's tush.

Where's your phone?

I've lost it.

[upbeat music]

♪

- Hi, guys. - Hi.

- Hi. - How are you?

[all exchanging greetings]

I'll give you a little elbow bump.

Here you go. - Oh, yeah, I know.

Right? - Good to see you.

- Good to see you. - The new high five.

Yeah. We're gonna be doing just a little something

for the front entryway, right?

Just warm it up and make it feel a little bit more,

like, Christmas and cozy. - Should we take a look at it

just to kind of just--yeah. - Yeah, let's go.

We're just thinking, like, the stairs, right?

- Yeah. - Dressing this just so that

at least we know we're entering into a holiday party.

Yeah, so if you are-- this is your home,

and it's Christmas.

Let's have a little bit of fun and a little bit of warmth.

- Yeah, for sure, for sure. - Yeah.

Growing up in Yugoslavia,

we did not celebrate Christmas.

It was communism, so no religious holidays

of any kinds were allowed.

The first time I've seen the beauty of Christmas

was when I got to London.

They really light up those streets beautifully.

It's so festive.

This is a definitely party house.

Now I enjoy turning my house in Beverly Hills into

winter wonderland.

And I go over the top, for sure.

We just open up these doors.

And the people come out, and it's a little bit more--

I do love this backyard.

Where did you want to put the bar?

You could lose all this and put the bar here.

- The bar here. - You know?

I would not lose any of it 'cause you don't have

an outdoor furniture. - No, babe.

No one's gonna be laying down. - You don't know that.

- Yeah, but I'm saying, this-- - The alcohol, I don't know.

- Can't you see a little-- - Maybe be there, you know?

Can't you see a deck where people come and--

All right, we'll just reposition in.

We all lose any of it. - Yeah.

But I think Asher's onto something, too.

No, no, no, because they grab a drink,

and then they can sit over there.

- So you grab a drink up here. - You can cheat it up.

- A little bit, yeah. - Yeah.

Despite the fact that Asher is so much younger than me,

he's actually the one that is practical one

and more sensible one.

I am a much bigger dreamer.

And I'm over the top.

Like, I don't think anybody can match my over-the-topness.

I'm assuming all the trees will be spread, like,

trees just everywhere. - Yeah.

- All right. - Yeah.

- I think we're good. - Now we gotta go and do it.

[upbeat music]

♪

[sighs] Oh my God. I'm a mess.

[holiday music]

[sighs]

All right.

OK.

[playful music]

♪

[exhaling]

Paola, we have the little pearl spoons?

- Yes. - OK, that's perfect.

Oh, Paola, that's enough for an elephant.

I'm never gonna eat that much. [laughs] Look.

♪

OK.

- Kathy? - All right.

There you are. Hi. - Oh, my God.

It's literally a winter wonderland.

- Thank you. - Muah, muah. How you feeling?

Good? - Feeling good.

It's so warm today.

How do you deal with this? - I'm freezing.

I know. You say that to me every time I wear this sweater.

I need to look at this. Hold on.

- OK. - Oh, my God, Kathy.

I feel like such an underachiever.

And I want you to see in here.

I did this for "Architectural Digest,"

which comes out on the 23rd.

- Oh, my God. - So look at how cute.

This one's not lit up, but this is

a [indistinct] tree.

- Oh, my God. - That's all vintage fabric.

Kathy has a different style Christmas tree

in every single room, and I think it's up year-round.

[laughs]

You're not doing your big Christmas thing

this year, right? - No, I just felt like

after the wedding and everything

it was just... - I know.

I know what you mean. - Too much.

This is so pretty.

With our little holiday linens.

- What's happening? - Oh, my God.

- I need to order-- - You need to order right now?

No, I wanna order. When can we order?

No. [laughs]

Well, first of all, trying to get in touch with you

is like trying to pull a hemorrhoid

out of a bull's tush.

Me? What about your--

No, I've called, like, a million times.

- Wait, where's your phone? - And I didn't change

my number. - Where's your phone?

- I've lost it. - Exactly!

- No, no. It's around. - No, no, no.

- I just had it. - No, no, no.

Don't make me pull out my receipts.

- Uh, Carol? - Wait. Kathy--

Where's my phone?

Can you find it? - Yeah.

Thank you.

How long have you been saying,

I can't dial your phone?

And how many times has your assistant

said they were gonna figure out what the problem was?

Well, everybody else's phone works.

Look at the phones.

Me to you: "Call me."

Look how many with not one response.

And then I don't have any missed from you. Look.

All my missed documented.

But I wanna show you right now when I call you. Watch.

Every time I call your mobile phone, that's it, every time.

No ring.

Your call has been forwarded...

- That's it. - That's so weird.

To an automatic voice--

Well, I've been telling you this for three years.

Is it that long?

Kathy uses her iPad to comment on my Instagram.

Like, I can't find my phone, call me.

This is a public forum.

We haven't checked any messages here in 15 years.

Well, maybe you're the problem.

I have, like, a 100,000 people telling me to call my sister.

Hi, how are you? - Hello.

Good. How are you? - Oh, good.

You got the plates.

Thank you.

♪

- Mm. - I don't see your knife.

- All right, I have it... - Thank you.

Right here, Paola. You're the best.

Oh, it's Paola.

I always just knew her as "the lady."

Who do I ask for if I call the house?

- The lady. - Who's "the lady"?

That works at my house.

Thank you, Paola.

Now she actually has a name.

Ow, sh--. That's so hot. Here, do this.

Oh, that's gonna hurt you. - No, I got it.

The way you're supposed to do it is to go like this.

Well, I just did that with my hand.

- Well, it's gonna burn. - I already did it.

I was fine and dandy. - Perfect.

I was hunky-dory.

All right, where is your pearl spoon?

- Here. - We've got that.

You don't need that. - No, that one's later.

OK, you're fine.

Put your butter in and then pass it to me.

You have your own butter, dear.

Oh, here, I do. Oh, as we do.

I have this. - OK.

And do you have one for your sour cream?

That one doesn't need that pearl.

- OK. - OK.

You're supposed to scoop up, but you're

not supposed to have--

- It touched the caviar. - Mm-hmm.

Mm.

I'm confused.

Is this--the meal--an entree or an appetizer?

- Wait. - What?

You just had--a whole bunch just poured out.

Kathy, careful.

Did you hear what I just said?

Yes.

No, you didn't because you didn't answer.

What?

Is this an appetizer or the entree?

- This is the entree, dear. - Oh.

What are you, nuts?

It's just a potato on a plate.

Unless you go to those baked potato bars in the mall,

I've never seen it be a meal.

Do you think you have enough caviar there?

I'm doing it like they do at Caviar Kaspia in Paris.

I've never seen one person have that much caviar

in my whole life.

I mean, I guess if you're pouring

thousands of dollars of caviar on top,

it's gonna be a meal.

- You're gonna be full. - I am?

- Yes. - [laughs]

You're having a lunch, come on over for a baked potato,

said nobody ever except my sister.

How good is this?

Really good.

Tell me this--where do you find somebody to help you?

What do you need help with right now in the house?

Just everything.

I'm overwhelmed.

I've wrapped so many gifts that my fingers hurt.

I can't drive every gift to every--

the stores don't want to deliver.

You can't find ribbon.

Somebody pee-peed on my sofa the other night.

Someone or a dog?

- No, someone. - A person peed on your sofa?

Mm-hmm.

♪

All my carpets are ruined. - [laughs]

I feel like the whole house is falling apart.

[laughs]

Coming up...

OK, what are we drinking?

I want a Golly Gasm.

I ain't had a gasm in about a year and a half.

[laughter]

Sheree, we need to go out.

[upbeat music]

♪

This is, like, spectacular.

The white grand piano with the candles

and then the Christmas trim around the side

is just magical.

We have the gifts ready to go...

- Yeah, we moved them. - In a pile.

Also, they're color-coordinated in the gold and the white.

And then we have Carlos over here.

- Yeah? - Have you met Carlos before?

Oh, my gosh, Carlos and I go a long way back.

Holy moly. [laughter]

- It looks beautiful. - Thank you.

I'm excited. It's gonna be fun.

Pandemic is messing with me little bit because I

have usually way more guests.

So I'm trying to make the big party cozy

for small group of people.

- And then-- - This is pretty nice and cozy.

- Yeah. - It's just I'm trying to

fill up the space so it doesn't feel like it's empty.

But it will be the COVID Christmas miracle, for sure.

The bar looks great, too. I love the drink menu.

- Oh, my God. - Golly Gasm, Saint Sonicolas.

- Ooh, I need to have that. - Merry Blissmas.

- A Golly Gasm. - Oh, look at that.

- Oh, that's so cool - Look at that.

They each have a little straw.

Oh, I gotta get-- [laughter]

That's awesome. - All right.

Super creative.

Let the party begin.

[upbeat music]

♪

She's back to life, honey.

Coming back slowly.

[phone ringing]

Hi!

You look great.

I'm so excited to see you.

I'm excited to see everybody.

You know Dorit's not coming.

No. Tell me. I don't know anything.

- PK tested positive. Yeah. - Sh--

- He's isolating. - Oh, [BLEEP].

OK, I'll see you soon. OK, bye.

[upbeat music]

♪

That one's really good.

Gay magic, gay magic. - Gay magic.

- Gay magic. - Gay magic.

[laughs]

It's gonna be good. - Yep.

I'm hoping that--you know, I'm gonna have a few drinks.

I've been having a good time.

Some--and then one event, I had a little too much

of a good time.

Oliver. Have your baby mama contact me on my DMs.

We can get it in three way. It's all good.

Oh, my god!

Do you want one now?

No.

Thank you. - I'll report back in a minute.

[upbeat "Joy to the World"]

♪

That dress with that dress, girl. Yes!

You look amazing.

Thank you, love.

But doesn't it look like a little bit of a Pope thing?

Not at all. No.

- The first guests. - Well, hello.

My family's here.

Muah. [laughs]

Hi, Mama.

- It's five of us, you know. - Keep you coming in.

- I did this all for you guys. - Just for us.

Just for us.

I'm big on Christmas holiday.

I love it, and Ava will be with us for a month.

Innis is around, and the baby.

Having my kids all together under one roof,

it's my favorite thing in the world.

[upbeat music]

♪

I gotta keep my dress together.

It's so short. - Oh, my Lord.

A Christmas surprise. - Thanks, honey.

[gasps] Whoa. Wow!

Hi!

That's the one for me.

Thank you so much.

The Grinch has arrived. - Ah!

You look so cute.

I love the color. - It's so festive.

- Hey, babe. - It's so nice.

- How are you? - Hi, how are you?

Good to see you.

Look at you with your sparkles, mama.

[laughs] Girl!

Oh, wow.

This is so pretty.

There's so many Christmas trees lit up.

It feels like I've walked into a winter wonderland

in Beverly Hills.

- Oh, you look gorgeous. - Right? Hi, gorgeous!

There was money spent on this party, for sure, like cash.

Lots of it.

Hi! Oh, my God! Oh, look at us!

We are both, like, wearing nothing.

I love it.

Thanks.

♪

- Well, there's-- - Oh, wow, honey!

[all talking excitedly]

Whoo-hoo!

You look so good!

- Could be. - [BLEEP] it.

Yes!

You guys wanna get the drinks?

Yeah, let's have a drink.

Hey, Erika, are you gonna drink?

Yeah, I'm drinking.

I mean, I don't know if I'm gonna repeat

my Garcelle--you know what? I might.

I don't know.

By the way, they have bedrooms here. So--

- Right. - You can definitely

sleep over. [laughs] - Thanks.

OK, what are we drinking?

Are there specials?

I just want a Golly Gasm.

I started drinking champagne at home.

So I should probably do yours, neuroGasm.

Yes, I need a gasm. - [laughs]

We're all for a gasm in this crib.

- I need a gasm, too. - I need a gasm, too.

I ain't had gasm in about a year and a half,

but that's all right.

[laughter]

- Sheree, we need to go out. - Sheree's really funny.

How old are your kids?

Zoe is six, and Max is nine.

- Oh, that's a good age. - Yeah, it's really fun.

It's a good age, yeah.

Zoe probably loved watching you get ready.

She loved it because she loves the Grinch.

- Aww. - So I started walking around

like the Grinch, right? - That's so cute.

- Hello. - Hey.

- Hi. - Look at you.

You look so good. Hi.

I want this suit.

I was gonna say I might want yours.

- I want this suit. - Maybe we trade jackets.

Maybe we trade-- I want the whole thing.

The whole kit and caboodle.

♪

Wow!

I've never seen so many Christmas trees in my life.

Hi! Hi, everybody.

Hi, Kyle.

[all exchanging greetings]

- Mine is 29, and he's my baby. - Hi!

- You guys are feeling good? - Yes.

OK, first of all, your house looks to die for.

- Isn't it great? - I'm so scared to

take off my mask. - It's OK.

I'll adjust after a drink, maybe.

Yeah, have a drink.

And then this is my thank you for being...

- Oh, thank you so much. - So generous.

Thank you, love. Thank you.

It looks like a book, but it's actually a box.

And I liked what it said.

Oh. "When you find somebody good,

keep them in your life." Tom Ford.

Perfect. - Quoting Tom Ford.

- Love. - Thank you so much.

- So sweet. - Aw, that's so sweet.

Thank you.

You guys know Sutton's not coming, right?

- No. - No, why?

- She tested positive. - No.

Oh, she has COVID.

Dorit has it too, right?

No, Dorit doesn't, but PK does.

- PK has it, right? - We're dropping like flies.

Coming up...

Oh, there's my sister.

- Well, hello. - Where have you been?

[upbeat holiday music]

- ♪ Looks like Christmas - What it is this?

- Lobster roll. - Is it lobster roll?

It's delicious.

♪ Looks like Christmas

- You're Diana's son? - Innis.

- Innis? - Yeah.

- Ava. - Ava, OK.

How long have you-- you're married, right?

- [laughter] - I'm sorry.

I just didn't know. I'm-- - No, I'm 22.

♪

Oh, there's my sister.

- Well, hello! - Where have you been?

I have been busy.

Well, get your ass over here.

First of all, I have to say hi.

Hi, my love. How are you?

Hi. Hi. So good to see you.

She's been busy.

I met Kathy as Paris' mom.

So I know her a little bit as a more--a stricter figure.

[laughs] - Hi.

I'm Ava.

- Hi, Ava. - Great to meet you.

I'm Kathy Hilton. Nice to see you.

- I'm Innis. - Ooh.

You know what? Let's do this, right?

- Right, right. - I'm OK.

I'm double vaxxed and-- - Same.

- Now, you are-- - I'm Diana's son.

So you know Paris?

I know Paris.

Oh, my goodness. Hi, honey.

How are you? - Baby.

- What happened to you? - I don't know.

Oh, I love it.

Oh, this is Valentino, your fav.

- Oh, my God. - You're with them.

Muah.

Crystal reminds me of a little green--

she's an emerald elf.

I want you to wear a little green hat.

I'm gonna get you a green hat.

Now put your hands on your head.

With the little-- yeah, that's when you know

if it's too short, dear. - [laughs]

- Right? - All the way.

- Above your finger--oh! - Oh, no.

Oh, my God.

♪

Hello.

all: Hi! - She's so beautiful.

I'm back! [laughter]

- This is for your daughter. - Oh, thank you so much.

- Thank you for inviting me. - Thank you.

The last time I saw Diana, she was at my birthday party,

and she was out of control.

I was very sorry.

You're fake, you're fake, you're fake.

Diana, that's bullsh--.

You're being really mean right now.

I am.

It's the holidays, and we're in a festive mood.

So my gift to Diana is coming to her party

and not bringing any bad energy,

which she didn't do at my party.

COVID hugs from here.

I don't know how sick you were.

Yeah, I'm so happy you're back.

- Thank you, sweetheart. - You look gorgeous.

I almost--you know, I almost wore this tonight.

- Stop it right now. - But I thought--

yes, that would have been cute. - Kathy.

That would have been very cute. - That would have been cute.

That would have been very cute.

Hello, legs. - Hi, love.

How are you?

I wore legs for you because I know you're always like--

I love legs.

You love boobs. I love legs.

[laughs]

- Who knew you had boobs? - I have--

- You don't show your boobs. - I don't show anything.

There is a lot of boob, baby.

Thank you, but I'm not. I'm in a bad--

- No, you say, thank you. - Thank you.

You're welcome.

- Yeah, that's a good place. - Thank you.

- You're welcome. - Thank you for saying that.

You not feeling good about that?

[clicks tongue] - Yeah, it's OK.

You know, the holidays are weird.

- It's a lot of food. - It's a lot of food.

Oh.

It's just the holidays.

Like, I've been going out every night.

And there's just more food, just more--like you said,

more food, like, it's normal.

But does that trigger you? Or how do you feel?

- Yeah. Yeah. - Do you not--

- Oh, you look beautiful. - OK, I'm gonna

be really ignorant for a second.

- Really beautiful. - Is it, like,

you eat it and feel guilty or you deny yourself eating it?

I'm just curious. - No, I eat it and feel bad.

- Ah. - I wanna get rid of it.

Like, I can't be with it. - So you can't hold it.

- I can't be with it, no. - Wow.

- I can't be-- - I always--OK.

Well, I always think, take laxatives and get rid of it.

- Wow. - Wow.

A laxative?

She has an eating disorder.

Erika's not a doctor, and you don't

prescribe laxatives to someone with an eating disorder.

It's really the most inappropriate thing at

the most inappropriate time.

You're like an ornament on a Christmas tree.

Oh, tinsel tree.

- And you're safe to hug. - Am I?

Yeah, since you already had it.

- Oh, OK. - I'm safe, woman.

- I'm really safe. - Never ever.

You've never had it.

You're too beautiful to get it.

- Yes. - Oh.

- Come sit next to me, woman. - I want to.

I gotta do it. We got to do it right here.

I love you, girl!

I know I'm not gonna lose weight.

It's not like, oh, I'm gonna get skinny.

So what happens when you purge?

I just feel better.

It's like a relief. - Right.

- Because before-- - Is it because it's out?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - So do you enjoy it

going down?

Yeah, and then if I keep going--

- You feel guilt. - Yeah, yeah.

Feel guilt, and then it's like,

I gotta get rid of this. - Yes.

- OK. - To the point where sometimes

I look like I'm aloof 'cause I'm always thinking about it.

No, no. I'm gonna be really gross right now.

Whereas you would vomit it up, I would rather...

Oh, right.

[tense music]

That's the lax--yeah.

Is she trying to be helpful?

Or has she just had a couple too many drinks?

- Have you sought treatment? - I need to.

It's time. - It is time.

It's time, but I don't know what's gonna come out

on the other end. - It doesn't matter

what comes out.

You know what's gonna come out?

A better Crystal.

What is it, babes?

Chicken tender and barbecue ranch.

Oh, what is this?

Chicken tender and barbecue ranch.

- Oh, my God. - You can't have this.

It's a chicken tender, and a-- - I'm not gonna eat.

[tense music]

All right, I need another drink.

♪