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1
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:06,807
Oh, thank you,
Dr. Harper.
2
00:00:06,874 --> 00:00:08,576
And remember,
no more rough sex.
3
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:09,677
(chuckles)
4
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:12,413
Oh, Dr. Harper, you're terrible.
5
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:13,414
(laughing)
6
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:16,350
Okay.
7
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:17,418
Bye-bye.
8
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:19,320
(chuckles)
9
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,589
I wish I was kidding;
the woman's a freak.
10
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:26,260
You are so good
with the patients, Dr. Harper.
11
00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,062
Oh, thank you.
Just you're-
you're warm
12
00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:29,897
and personable
and funny.
13
00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:31,065
Oh, I'm all right.
14
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,066
(chuckles)
15
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,534
But you, the patients love you.
16
00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:34,602
No.
17
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:35,636
Uh, don't give me "no."
18
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:36,670
I'm giving you "no."
19
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:37,771
Well, I'm not taking "no."
20
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:39,240
(laughs)
21
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:40,274
Don't make me blush.
22
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:41,275
I'm making you blush.
23
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:42,643
Well, I'm blushing.
24
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:44,745
(laughs)
25
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:47,681
So we all done for the day?
26
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:48,782
Yeppers.
27
00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:50,551
Mrs. Freemantle was
our last patient.
28
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,453
Okay, then, uh, I will see
your smiling face tomorrow.
29
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:53,954
(chuckles)
30
00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:57,491
Well, it's only smiling
'cause it's looking at you.
31
00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,093
(laughs)
32
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,161
Don't make me blush.
33
00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:01,662
Well, I'm making you blush.
34
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:02,763
Well, I'm blushing.
35
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:04,398
(both laughing)
36
00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:21,882
I'm so sorry.
37
00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:23,717
I should apologize.
38
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,253
No, I'm the one
who stepped over the line.
39
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:26,454
No, no, I stepped, too.
40
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,955
No, no, I stepped first.
No, no, no.
41
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:29,323
Don't give me "no, no."
42
00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:31,725
I'm giving you "no, no."
43
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:45,139
We can't do this.
44
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:47,675
I'm sorry, I can't help it.
45
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:48,876
I ache for you.
46
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,545
Yeah, well, I'm not all that
47
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:54,515
comfortable
right now either.
48
00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:58,886
It-it-it's just
that I feel like...
49
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,755
You don't have
to explain.
50
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,124
I understand.
51
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:07,127
Okay. Okay.
52
00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:10,264
Well, then, uh, I guess
I will see you tomorrow.
53
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:16,470
I'll be here
at, uh, 7:30.
54
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:18,772
In case you want
to get in early.
55
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:23,577
Oh, okay.
56
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,847
Uh, I-I might actually
want to...
57
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,015
get in early.
58
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:30,684
You're the boss.
59
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:34,655
You can get in
anytime you want.
60
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,860
Oh, God.
61
00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:45,333
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
62
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:48,669
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh
63
00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:51,605
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *
* Ooh
* Ooh
64
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,741
* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... *
65
00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:56,143
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
66
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:59,447
* Ooh
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
67
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,916
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.
68
00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:10,891
* Men.
69
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,726
Hey.
70
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,127
Hey.
71
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,596
Mind if I watch the game?
72
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:17,931
Uh, actually, I came in here
for a little quiet time.
73
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,867
Huh.
74
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:22,436
(TV clicks on, sports playing)
75
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:28,909
Still quieter than sleeping
under the Santa Monica Pier.
76
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,015
I'm conflicted,
Charlie.
77
00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:37,718
Shh, quiet time.
78
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:41,522
ANNOUNCER (over TV):
Nice throw, nice catch.
79
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:42,756
Reggie Williams, he scores...
80
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:45,959
Do you think you can
choose who you love?
81
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:47,094
Oh, boy.
82
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:47,928
(TV clicks off)
83
00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:51,932
What's his name?
84
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:56,103
What? No!
85
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,471
Oh, all right.
86
00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:58,972
Come out when you're ready.
87
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:01,108
(TV clicks on, sports playing)
88
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,376
Williams will come far right...
89
00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:03,377
(TV clicks off)
90
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:04,878
Do you remember my receptionist?
91
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:08,916
The itsy bitsy spider
who climbed up my water spout?
92
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,586
Yeah. Whatever happened to her?
93
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:15,656
You dumped her after
one depraved weekend,
94
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,758
and I had to give her a
raise, health insurance
95
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,827
and a paid vacation to
keep her from quitting.
96
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,161
Oh, good.
97
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,030
Thanks for
smoothing that over for me.
98
00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:26,400
Hey, you think she has plans
for this weekend?
99
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,469
What is wrong
with you?!
100
00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:29,903
Uh, I am trying
to tell you
101
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,739
that I'm starting to
have feelings for her.
102
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,106
For who?
103
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:35,776
For Melissa.
104
00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:37,678
Who's Melissa?
105
00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:39,880
My receptionist!
106
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:42,683
Oh.
107
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,318
So I should forget
about this weekend?
108
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:47,321
Yes, you should forget
about this weekend!
109
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:48,989
I was just asking.
110
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,524
You don't have
to bite my head off.
111
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:53,293
So you and her are, uh...
112
00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:55,863
Oh, no, no, no,
nothing's happened yet.
113
00:04:55,929 --> 00:05:00,167
Just a little kissing, and she
could feel my... enthusiasm.
114
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:02,736
What, are you Noel Coward?
115
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,872
Just say "boner."
116
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,482
Why do I bother
talking to you?
117
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:17,851
Beats the hell out of me.
118
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:21,154
The thing is, Melissa and
I have-have this chemistry,
119
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:23,357
and it's really hard
not to act on it.
120
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,125
Yeah, it's tough
when you work together.
121
00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:26,427
Right.
122
00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:27,861
You don't crap
where you eat.
123
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:29,430
I know.
124
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,465
You don't dip your pen
in company ink.
125
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:36,770
And you never bang a woman
who owns a snake or a bird.
126
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,540
What?
127
00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:41,542
They're usually nuts.
128
00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:47,014
So what you're faced with here
is a moral dilemma.
129
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,348
Oh, I'll say.
130
00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:49,783
Whether or not to have
an intimate relationship
131
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,619
with a woman who is
also your employee.
132
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,120
Exactly.
133
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,490
I got it, I got it.
134
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:57,558
Oh, you do?
135
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:01,595
Fire her, then boink her.
136
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:05,132
I don't got it?
137
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:08,502
You don't got it.
138
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,071
(TV clicks on, sports playing)
139
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:12,806
Open in the corner
is Mike Williams.
140
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,475
ANNOUNCER #2:
Well, this is what you were...
141
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:16,677
I'm right about the snakes
and birds though.
142
00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:21,248
* Men.
143
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,050
Really?
144
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:24,384
The one who works for him?
145
00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:25,385
Yep.
146
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:28,522
Tinkerbell with the knockers?
147
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:30,858
The same.
148
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:34,795
Well, everybody makes
that mistake once.
149
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,764
I crossed that line in the '70s
150
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,933
when I was cleaning house
for Mr. Telly Savalas.
151
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,102
No kidding.
152
00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:43,437
TV's Kojak?
153
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:44,505
One and the same.
154
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:45,506
What happened?
155
00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,340
What do you think happened?
156
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,376
He's Greek, a man of passion.
157
00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:52,145
You can't tie your shoes
around those guys.
158
00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:57,585
That's rough.
159
00:06:57,651 --> 00:07:00,120
Bet your ass it's rough.
160
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,057
Morning.
161
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:04,825
Morning.
162
00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:05,993
So, Zippy,
163
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,195
I hear you've been
sinking your putts
164
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,630
on the company golf course.
165
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,536
Thanks for telling her.
166
00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:18,371
Thanks for
telling me.
167
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,173
Word of advice:
168
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,776
it may seem like fun and games
at the beginning,
169
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:26,013
but mark my words, sooner
or later, you're gonna wake up
170
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:29,783
with a broken heart and a
lollipop stuck to your keister.
171
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:38,692
You want to explain that to me?
172
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,861
I'd rather forget
I ever heard it.
173
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:44,632
So, decide what you're
gonna do about Melissa?
174
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,099
There's nothing to do.
175
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,769
I have to take the physical
feelings I have for her
176
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:51,438
and channel them into something
creative, productive,
177
00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:53,040
something,
something that'll last.
178
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:55,543
You're gonna have sex
with the vacuum cleaner again,
179
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:56,910
aren't you?
180
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,814
That wasn't sex,
that was an accident.
181
00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:04,718
Once is an accident.
182
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,722
* Men.
183
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,831
Morning, Melissa.
184
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,767
Good morning, Dr. Harper.
185
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,669
How's my schedule look today?
186
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:24,371
It's packed pretty tight.
187
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:25,438
Oh, okay.
188
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,574
Uh, tight's good.
189
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:29,109
You know,
better-better tight than,
190
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,579
uh, you know...
191
00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:32,980
Thank God for scoliosis.
192
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,583
(chuckles)
193
00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:38,586
Um, listen,
Melissa,
194
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,888
um, about what happened
yesterday...
195
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,557
Please, Dr. Harper,
you don't have to say anything.
196
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:45,793
Yes, yes, I do.
197
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,995
We obviously have feelings
for each other, and...
198
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:51,164
...there's nothing wrong
with that.
199
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:52,866
It's-it's a beautiful thing.
It's-it's natural.
200
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:57,605
But for us to maintain
a-a working relationship,
201
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,006
and I hope friendship,
202
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,240
I-I think
203
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:04,878
it would be unwise
to succumb to those feelings.
204
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:06,413
I agree.
205
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:07,547
Oh, good, good.
206
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:08,949
I'm glad.
(chuckles)
207
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,684
Oh, well, now we got that
out of the way...
208
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,119
(both chuckle)
209
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:14,487
Uh, what time does
my packed schedule begin?
210
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,957
Uh, not for a half hour.
211
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,326
Half hour?
212
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,429
Yeppers.
213
00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:25,232
Nothing for a half hour?
214
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:28,068
Wide open.
215
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:32,840
* Men.
216
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,944
Everything work
out at the office?
217
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:38,946
Uh-huh.
218
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:42,582
Manage to keep your hands off
Really Little Annie Fanny?
219
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:47,888
Well, not exactly, but, uh,
we did keep it above the waist.
220
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:51,491
Her waist or yours?
221
00:09:51,558 --> 00:09:53,861
Both.
222
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,696
And it wasn't easy.
223
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:57,230
I haven't checked,
but I'm pretty sure
224
00:09:57,297 --> 00:10:00,634
my balls look like two-thirds
of the Blue Man Group.
225
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:09,009
Berta, hide the vacuum cleaner!
226
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:16,216
For the last time, I use it
to get lint off my trousers.
227
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,921
Then why do you call it Brenda?
228
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:24,825
* Men.
229
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:29,730
ANNOUNCER:
So when the mood strikes
and she's ready,
230
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:32,032
you'll be ready, too.
231
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:36,269
Ready today, ready tonight,
ready tomorrow.
232
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:38,972
I'm ready now.
233
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:45,045
What's he ready for?
234
00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:47,014
If I were to guess,
I'd say he's ready
235
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,183
to screw up his life
a little more.
236
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:53,286
Is that even possible?
237
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:55,288
We'll see.
238
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,259
I'm hungry.
239
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,493
So eat something.
240
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,130
There's nothing here
I like.
241
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,933
Welcome to my world.
242
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:09,436
* Men.
243
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:16,543
Why are we eating here?
244
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:18,779
If I have to watch
you stuff your face,
245
00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:20,714
I'm gonna need a drink.
246
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,152
Am I even allowed
to be in a bar?
247
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:26,386
Probably not.
248
00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:29,556
So if anybody asks,
you're a homely lesbian.
249
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:31,424
Why do I have to be homely?
250
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:32,993
Just sit down.
251
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,464
What's that smell?
252
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:41,134
Stale beer, vomit, urine.
253
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,669
You hungry?
254
00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:43,937
Hey, Charlie.
255
00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:45,839
Hi, Janine.
This is my nephew Jake.
256
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:46,907
Hey, Jake.
257
00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:48,408
How old are you, sweetheart?
258
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:51,678
Keep your hands off him,
Janine, he's married.
259
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,446
I thought I was a lesbian.
260
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:55,348
We're just gonna have a couple
of hamburgers
261
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,417
and a basket of fries,
he'll have a soda
262
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:58,986
and I'll have a draft.
263
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:02,189
That's not a very healthy dinner
for a growing boy.
264
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:04,491
Well, don't worry,
he can process anything.
265
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,894
The other day, he ate
a handful of packing peanuts.
266
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,695
You bet me ten bucks I wouldn't.
267
00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:10,964
Oh, Charlie, shame on you.
268
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:13,300
Yeah, shame on you.
269
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,268
Tell you what, Jake,
270
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,237
I get out of here
in ten minutes.
271
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:19,840
Why don't you get your uncle
to bring you over to my place,
272
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,508
and I'll cook you
a nice, healthy dinner?
273
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,377
Thanks, but I'm already healthy.
I'll have a hamburger.
274
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:25,678
All right.
275
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,281
No, you won't.
We'll be there.
276
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:29,649
I don't get a vote?
277
00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:31,751
You're lucky
you're getting dinner.
278
00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:32,752
Thanks, Janine.
279
00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:34,855
You're welcome.
280
00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:39,526
What is wrong with you,
turning that down?
281
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:43,663
Excuse me, but we have no idea
what kind of cook she is.
282
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:45,165
Oh, God...
283
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:48,735
For all we know,
she's a vegetarian.
284
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,603
(groans)
285
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,572
* Men.
286
00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:54,341
Dr. Harper,
what are you doing here?
287
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:55,909
What do you think
I'm doing here?
288
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,610
Please don't make me guess.
289
00:12:57,677 --> 00:12:59,112
I'm making you guess.
290
00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:09,222
Correct.
291
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,825
WOMAN:
Melissa, honey,
who's here?
292
00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:16,029
Uh, Mom,
this is my boss, Dr. Harper.
293
00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:21,468
Dr. Harper,
this is my mother.
294
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:23,203
Hello.
295
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,438
Hello yourself.
296
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:26,907
I understand
there's been
297
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:30,443
some inappropriate behavior
in the workplace.
298
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,245
Yeah, well, about that,
299
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:35,048
I-I-I just want you to know that
I have nothing but respect
300
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:36,917
for your daughter,
and I would never do anything...
301
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:40,353
I'm just yankin'
your chain!
302
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:43,590
Ain't nothin' wrong
with beddin' the boss.
303
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,326
That's how I wound up
with the little princess here
304
00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:48,395
and half a Black Angus
franchise.
305
00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:52,265
Come on in.
I'm watchin' Hellboy.
306
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:57,470
Okay. Thanks.
307
00:13:57,537 --> 00:14:00,573
You smoke dope?
308
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,476
* Men.
309
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,745
This is, like,
the best dinner ever.
310
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:06,914
I'm glad you liked it, Jake.
311
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:08,081
You are a great cook.
312
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,750
And you are a cutie pie.
313
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,852
Oh! I could
just eat you up.
314
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,888
Want another root beer?
315
00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:15,688
Sure.
316
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:18,225
Comin' right up.
317
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:25,432
Listen, buddy, you're gonna have
to make yourself scarce.
318
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:26,934
Maybe take a cab home.
319
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,303
You take a cab home.
I'm doin' great.
320
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,439
How do you figure?
321
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,942
You blind? First base
on the top of my head,
322
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:36,176
second base in my ear?
323
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:39,112
Listen to me, knucklehead.
324
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:40,981
That woman's got to be ten years
older than you.
325
00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:43,550
So? You're, like,
15 years older than her.
326
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,420
Step aside, grandpa.
327
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:51,424
Okay, fun time's over.
328
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:52,725
Go wait in the car.
329
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:54,261
You go wait in the car.
330
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,328
No, you go.
331
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,164
No, you go.
332
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,565
Jake, how about
I put some ice cream
333
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,567
in that root beer
and make it a float?
334
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,169
Thank you. That'd be great.
335
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:06,473
It's like she can read my mind.
336
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:09,909
Go get in the car.
337
00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:11,244
Fine, I'll just go tell Janine
338
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:13,413
that you want me to wait
in the car by myself
339
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,515
so you can try
and have sex with her.
340
00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:20,187
Sit down, you little bastard.
341
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:26,026
Now, this picture here is
toward the end of my labor.
342
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:30,230
That's my vagina,
343
00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:33,800
and that's Melissa's
little head
344
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:36,603
pokin' out of me
like a groundhog.
345
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,538
Mmm.
346
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,008
Hey, I guess if she'd
seen her shadow,
347
00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:43,576
I would've had six
more weeks of labor, huh?
348
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:44,611
(laughs)
349
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,546
It's funny.
350
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:51,218
You know, of all my kids,
she was the easiest.
351
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:55,855
Just like popping out
a ping-pong ball. Phht!
352
00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:57,324
That's quite an image.
353
00:15:57,390 --> 00:16:00,560
Yeah, oh, and it was
a natural childbirth, too.
354
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,263
No drugs, just a couple
of peyote buttons
355
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,432
and bitin' down on a rope.
356
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,034
(clears throat)
357
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,301
Mom, would you mind
358
00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:10,870
if Dr. Harper and I have
a little time alone?
359
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:12,839
I'm sorry, honey.
360
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:17,077
You kids must be as horny
as a couple of drunken rabbits.
361
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:19,579
Enjoy.
362
00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:22,282
Oh, uh,
363
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,384
Kama Sutra's on the bookshelf
364
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:27,587
case you feel like pushin'
the envelope.
365
00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:31,124
I'm sorry about that.
366
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,793
Mom never really made
it home from Woodstock.
367
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,896
Don't be silly.
She's delightful.
368
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:39,399
I'm just gonna close
this up now.
369
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,108
Don't mind me.
370
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:52,145
I'm just gonna a roll
a fatty in the backyard
371
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,181
and zone out
in the hammock.
372
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,586
(slurping)
373
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,089
Ah, that hit the spot.
374
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,556
I'm glad you liked it.
375
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,692
The best part
of a root beer float?
376
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:06,759
Your burps taste good.
377
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:12,232
Listen, Janine,
thanks for everything,
378
00:17:12,299 --> 00:17:14,167
but I should probably get this
little guy home
379
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,268
and come back.
380
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:16,903
It's way past his bedtime.
381
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:20,440
What are you talking about?
It's not past my bedtime.
382
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:22,875
What do you wanna bet he falls
asleep in the car
383
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,477
and I have to carry him in?
384
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,647
What do you wanna bet he has to
go home and take a laxative
385
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,549
because he's too old
to poop normal?
386
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:33,920
All right, that's it!
387
00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:35,788
Not in the face!
Not in the face!
388
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:37,490
What?
389
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:38,458
Stop that!
390
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:39,859
He's kidding.
I never hit him.
391
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:41,494
Jake, tell her you're kidding.
392
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,797
I'm kidding about that,
but he can be verbally abusive.
393
00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:47,700
Not funny, Jake.
394
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,469
The liquor makes him mean.
395
00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:52,172
Okay, I didn't want
to have to do this,
396
00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:55,108
but I am calling your father,
let him deal with you.
397
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,810
I'm gonna go straighten up
in the kitchen.
398
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:02,649
(quietly)
You don't know who
you're messing with.
399
00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:05,618
(loudly):
Are you kidding?
I think she's gorgeous!
400
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,657
Ow! Ow!
401
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:16,463
You don't know who
you're messin' with.
402
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:27,974
(ring tone plays):
* Up, up and away
in my beautiful... *
403
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,610
I'm sorry about that. Hang on.
404
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:38,351
Charlie, now is not
a good time.
405
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:39,952
All right, put him on.
406
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,321
I can't talk now, Dad.
407
00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:43,623
I'm about to get lucky
with an older woman.
408
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:45,958
What?!
409
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,093
Where are you?
410
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,128
Jake? Jake?!
411
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:57,704
Alan, would you be
totally weirded out
412
00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:00,707
by a little mother-daughter
tag team?
413
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,811
* Men.
414
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:08,815
* Men.
415
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:14,287
I hope you're happy.
416
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:16,789
I hope you're happy.
417
00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:19,091
I could've been happy.
418
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,494
Are you gonna tell me
what happened tonight?
419
00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:23,430
You don't wanna know.
420
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:25,732
Where are you going?
421
00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:28,635
I'm a 14-year-old boy
who recently got ear-boob.
422
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,203
Where do you think I'm going?
423
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,740
Ear-boob?
424
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,975
You don't wanna know.
425
00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:37,510
So how'd it go with Melissa?
426
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:39,612
You don't wanna know.
427
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,414
Oh, come on.
428
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:46,018
All right. I met her mom,
saw a photo of mom's vagina,
429
00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:49,456
and chose to leave
before being introduced
to the real thing.
430
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:54,227
You're right,
I didn't wanna know.
431
00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:57,330
Where are you going?
432
00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:59,766
I'm a 40-year-old guy
who recently...
433
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:03,403
Ah, screw it.
I'm gonna go play with myself.
434
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:06,306
Okay, that I didn't want
to know.
435
00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:10,377
Still not a bad idea.
29475
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