Original subtitles

Bye.

Always the same thing. You'll find one on every boat, no matter where you go.

I've been twice around the world, and it... Well, gentlemen, last night out.

How about having a little drink with me?

Dutch treat, of course. Of course. Of course. What'll it be?

Bourbon and soda. Make mine the same.

You know mine. Yeah, ginger ale and grape juice.

Come, Wilson, that's no drink.

Oh, uh, no, that's all I ever take.

You know, it's a downright shame that you gentlemen have never been to

Habersville. You know what you missed?

Fine cultural background, YMCA, beautiful library, and our

Rotary Club. Well, gentlemen, you could drop in there any Thursday afternoon and

you'd meet the finest bunch of fellas you've ever met in your life. I can

imagine.

See, that's 15 for mine, isn't it? Yes, there's no special tonight.

There's 20.

Extra nickel is for you. Oh, thank you.

You know,

gentlemen, there's another thing about Habersville.

You'll find there that we have... A little straight one.

All right, wait.

Make it two.

Make it three.

Make it four.

Oh, thank you. No, I don't indulge.

So you're too good to drink with me, huh?

Well, good night, gentlemen.

Hey, what's the matter?

I asked you to have a drink.

And I refused.

Well, you can't do that. You can't insult me. Nonsense, Ryan. Mr. Wilson

drink. I know.

Grape juice, Wilson. Tonight he drinks.

You've snooted me long enough on this boat.

This is supposed to be a pleasure cruise.

You've been nothing but a killjoy.

Why don't you take off that stuffed shirt?

Go on. Knock me down.

You're inebriated.

What? Inebriated.

Ah, hey there, Daddy.

Now, you think I'm inebriated, huh?

I'll show you if I'm inebriated.

I can walk a straight line with anybody on this boat.

With anybody on any boat.

I can walk a straight line with anybody in the world.

You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to walk that rail.

I wouldn't do that if I were you, sir.

You're too intoxicated to realize your peril, sir.

I realize, I realize.

I'm going to show you something.

There's something you can't do, Mr. Grape Juice.

Look, blindfolded.

That's the stuff, pal.

How you feeling?

Dizzy?

A little weak, huh?

You dirty rat.

You slugged me.

Take it easy, pal. Take it easy. You slugged me.

No, I didn't, pal. Honest, I didn't. Honest, I didn't. It was a sailor with

oar. Sailor with a... Hey.

Wait a minute.

Why, this is a boat.

What's the idea?

Why, you saved my life last night.

I...

What do I want to do that for?

I don't know.

It was certainly something for a guy like you to save a mug like me.

Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Last night on the train, somebody snatched ten grand from me and... I made

grab for him.

It was a fight.

He must have slugged me.

But that wasn't a sailor with an oar.

Yes, it was.

Say, help me, Mr. Wilson.

What did you call me?

Wilson. Mr. Wilson, your name?

Wilson.

I'll go get the doctor. Sit down.

Who's that?

I can get the doctor in just a minute. No, sit down.

Well, that's real.

Look, pal, I won't be a minute.

The doctor is right down the corridor. Listen to me.

Last night I was on my way to the fight with ten grand to bet. What fight?

Don't you read the papers? The Schmeling -Stribling fight.

I must have missed it. I'll say you did.

By about nine years.

By about... What date's this?

Here's the ship news.

April of 10th, 1940. That's a misprint.

Honest, pal, that's right.

But this is 1931.

I've got to get the doctor.

Wait a minute.

I don't need a doctor.

I need a drink.

It's right here for you.

Ginger ale and grape juice.

No, no, no. I said a drink.

Well, this is what you've been drinking.

Buckets of it.

Ginger ale and grape juice? There's no prohibition on these boats, is there?

there ain't no more prohibition.

Roosevelt called it off.

Roosevelt?

Teddy's been dead for nearly... Oh, no, not Teddy Roosevelt.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt, the president.

He's the governor of New York. He's the president of the United States. He's

been elected twice.

He's a... How's he doing?

Look, Mr. Wilson, I don't know what's the matter with you, but whatever it is,

it can count on me.

I don't suppose you'll understand this, but after what happened last night, I'm

going straight.

So help me, Mr. Wilson.

Why do you keep calling me Wilson?

My name is Kerry, George Kerry.

You're not the George Kerry that was partners with Duke Sheldon in all them

games.

What if I was? Oh, wait a minute.

Don't be that way with me.

After all, we're in the same business.

What's your racket?

Oh, I just kind of work the boats. You know, little cards, dice.

The last thing I remember is getting aboard the train to go to the fight.

But that was in 1931.

Haven't you got a line on yourself since then?

Nine years ago.

You know, just like yesterday to me.

Where have I been?

Where was I?

Say, wait a minute.

There's a name for it.

Name for what?

Lapse of memory.

Lost identity.

Amnesia.

That's what it is, amnesia.

Is that what you've got?

Why, no, but that's what I've had.

Why, a blow on the head can make you forget your entire past. You can live on

for years, maybe the rest of your life as somebody else.

Unless, unless a shock or another blow brings you back to your right self.

You read about these things, but you never think of them happening to

Say, what kind of a guy was this Wilson?

He was an awful heel.

Yeah? I like Carrie better.

Oh, thanks.

All he did was talk about himself.

And Habersville.

Habersville? Who's he?

That's not he. That's Annette.

Don't you even remember that?

That's where you live.

A little town in Pennsylvania.

I never heard of the Berg.

Say, I wonder if this Wilson had any dough.

He must have.

You were the tightest guy I've ever seen.

I mean, Wilson was.

Let's make a little investigation of his luggage.

Hey, this is kind of funny. We're talking about you and a mug named

you're both fellas.

What was I, an in -man?

Saltine wafers, dyspepsia tablets.

Hair restorer.

Hair restorer?

Gargle. I certainly must have taken good care of this guy, Wilson.

I'll bet you an even hundred you wore long underwear.

You think you're kidding?

Here's your wallet. Still wet. Uh -oh.

Boy, was I a joiner. Rotary Club, Elks, Owls, Community Chess, Primrose League.

Wait a minute, what's this?

Pampersville National Bank, Lawrence Wilson, checking account C.

$147 ,083.

$147 ,083.

Let me take a look at that.

Holy... That's just a C account.

That means there must be an A and a B.

That might go right through the whole alphabet.

Say, why wouldn't it be a good idea for Mr. Wilson to pay a little visit to

Haversville? Just long enough to collect this coin.

I need some help.

How'd you like to go on this with me?

You really mean that?

I'll cut you in for 25%. I'd have done it for 10.

After all, you saved my life.

Oh.

You know, I'm going to need some dough.

I think I'll send a radiogram to the Habersville National Bank and ask them

send me five grand to the Hotel Whitley tomorrow morning, huh?

25 % of five grand. But you decided to go straight.

That was only a whim.

Get right to the hotel and see if the bank has sent the... the... Yoo -hoo!

What's the matter?

Boy, 18 days alone on a boat is certainly a long time to be alone on a

18 days. What are you talking about?

Take a look.

Some dish.

What are you waiting to? Keep your mind on your work.

Are you all right?

Oh, yes, I'm fine. How are you?

Well, the paper said you were injured.

Oh, no, no, no, nothing serious.

You know how papers are.

Well, it certainly is good to see you.

I know you're surprised.

Surprise isn't a word for it.

Yes, sir, it certainly is good to see you.

Come on, let's go. Come on. Oh, this is Doc Ryan.

Oh, yes, yes, good old Doc.

How are you, Dr. Ryan?

Oh, I'm much better now, thanks to him.

Habersville is pretty proud of that rescue.

Habersville. Oh, yeah, good old Habersville.

Did you just leave?

When I read that you were hurt, I didn't know how seriously. Naturally, I had to

come.

Naturally, yes.

Well, it certainly is good to see you. So you said.

It's worth repeating.

Well, you seem strange.

Oh, well, that's just because you haven't seen me for a while.

Before you know it, we'll be right back where we were.

That's another thing I came to see you about.

Oh.

I'll go look out for our luggage.

I'll leave you in care of the doctor.

Dr.

Ryan, is he really all right?

Well, you see, lady, he's had a pretty thorough shock.

Now, you just give me your name and telephone number, and the minute he

better, I'll have him call you.

Call me. Yeah, he'll ring you in a couple of days.

Oh, thank you, Doctor.

But do you know who I am? Well, whoever you are, he needs rest and quiet.

Now, if you're a friend of Larry's... I'm his wife.

His wife.

Oh, yes.

How stupid of me.

Well, all set.

Boys got the bags. I was just saying, what a lucky girl this is to have you

a husband.

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

What is it? What's the matter?

Oh, not nothing, nothing. I'm fine.

No, you're not.

You're sicker than you think.

You need a lot of rest and quiet.

Oh, I'm all right. Just a day or two in bed.

Larry, are you sure you can walk? Maybe we can find a wheelchair.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm all right.

If I could just lean on you a little.

Are you, uh, checked in anywhere, dear?

I just got in town. My bag's still at the station. Oh, we'll have them brought

right over.

At, uh, Hotel Whitney and Strive Like Mad. Yes, sir.

Well, here we are.

Well, this is a suite.

The best of none too good.

You get rid of Dr. Ryan, won't you, Larry?

You said it.

Let me help you on with your coat, old man.

I'm just taking it off.

It's all right, Doc.

There's not a thing you can do for me that my wife can't do. Listen, Larry,

don't get me wrong.

I'd like to lay my hands on some of that amnesia, but if you give yourself away

to this, then we lose a fortune.

Will you scram?

You can't get away with it. She knows all about this, Wilson. What he thinks,

what he says.

Listen, if I don't make a noise like a husband, she's going to be even more

suspicious. I've got a hunch your noise is going to ruin our ranch. Will you get

out? You don't even know her name. She wasn't christened darling or dear, you

know. Okay.

Okay. Yes?

Yes? Yes, what?

I thought you called me.

Oh. Okay.

Okay. Oh.

Larry,

I'd like to talk a little if you feel up to it.

Talk? Oh, yes, of course, dear. This looks cozy.

I'll sit over here if you don't mind.

I don't know...

quite how to...

Hello.

Listen, Larry, the more I think, the more I worry.

You're playing with fire.

No, I'm not. Not yet.

Look it, Larry, if you'll only use your head.

I'd like to see Mr. Lawrence Wilson, please.

What name shall I say, sir? Mr. Billings of the Habersville National Bank. Yes,

sir.

Hey, Larry, listen.

I don't want to take any more phone calls from anyone.

Understand?

Now they won't be able to get us for days.

Now.

Oh, I forgot all about your bags.

They won't be necessary.

Well, yes, but you'll need... Oh, well, you can get a toothbrush and nightgown

on the shop downstairs.

Larry, I'm not going to stay here.

You're not going to stay?

No. I've decided once and for all to go through with the divorce.

The... Okay.

I've made up my mind. You know, a thing like a divorce can break up a marriage.

So I've heard.

And what's more, very often what seemed like a really good reason for a divorce

isn't a good reason for a divorce at all. Now, take for example, suppose I'd

been... beating you or something like that?

I'd like to see you try.

Yeah, or, well, if I had, say, been running around with some other woman...

with a woman? Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Oh, but you can never have enough proof, Kay. Look, let's forget about the

divorce. And try to make a go of it just once more, starting from scratch.

It's too late, Larry. Oh, nonsense. It's never too late.

I'll tell you what we'll do.

There's someone at the door.

Oh, that's all right. It's locked.

Oh, go away.

You might as well answer it because I'm leaving anyway. Oh, but Kay, what...

I'll be at the shorehead until tomorrow if you want to get in touch with me.

You... you...

We kept ringing the roll and there was no answer.

And here you were all the time.

How are you, Mr. Billings? Couldn't be keener, thanks.

Well, Mr. Wilson, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with you.

That's what you think.

Goodbye, Larry.

Goodbye,

Kay. I met Mr. Billings in the lobby.

Came all the way from the Habersville National Bank.

So, it's a long way to come from the Habersville National Bank.

Bank?

Oh! Oh, well,

yes. How are you, Mr. Billion? I couldn't be keener, thanks.

That's fine, fine. I'm just bullgathering.

Here, sit right down here.

That's a nice soft spot.

Can I help you with anything?

Oh, that's fine, thanks.

How are tricks?

Oh, couldn't be keener, thanks.

Now, here's the 5 ,000. Thank you.

Now, that makes you 2 ,700 overdrawn.

Overdrawn. Well, when you went away, you had on deposit with us $2 ,800.

Then we paid $500 for you as the final installment on that plot of land at

Marsha's subdivision.

Here's your deed for that. It's all paid in full.

Oh, yes, yes. And I owe the bank $2 ,700.

The bank was only too glad to accommodate you.

Nice of them. Yes, well, what about the other accounts?

Well, of course, the B and C accounts are separate.

Oh, yes, of course, of course. But they're listed here on the statement.

Yes, here we are. In the C account, we have $147 ,083.

Could I hear that again, please?

$147 ,083.

Yes.

That's the community chest account.

What?

I said that's the community chest account.

And naturally, that amount is intact, as all checks drawn on that have to be

countersigned by Mr. Sims, Miss Breathwaite, Mr. Allen, two directors of

fund, Mr. Cochran, and yourself, of course. Oh, yes, yes, of course.

How about the National Guard? Don't they have to sign it, too?

Now,

in the B account, which is the Anti -Vice League Fund... Anti -Vice League.

Oh, well, we can skip that. Right now, that is.

Just as you say, Mr. Wilson.

I trust I've made everything clear.

Oh, yes, yes, very clear.

And you have the 5 ,000.

Yes, yes, we have the 5 ,000, all right. Yes, we have that. Yes.

Well, good day, gentlemen.

Thank you very much, Mr. Billings.

Give my compliments to Mr. Sims and Miss Breathwaite. I will indeedy.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Raising all that dough for an anti -vice fund.

You certainly were a stinker.

Say, a guy that can raise that much dough for the community chest certainly

ought to be able to raise a few bucks for himself.

Stands to reason. Sure.

Haversville at Pennsylvania.

What about oil?

Oh, there's lots of money in oil.

Doc,

I think maybe you and I had better be on our way to Haversville tomorrow.

You know, just to get the lay of the land.

Say, speaking of land...

That guy Billings gave me a deed or something. Sure.

Boy, I'm a property owner in Haversville.

Boy, this gag makes the oil a cinch.

I wonder if we could locate Duke Sheldon. You know, he used to specialize

oil. We could get him to meet us down there. Wait a minute.

What's the matter?

What about your wife?

Oh, she's going to divorce me.

Can you imagine?

I meet a girl.

In 20 minutes, she's going to divorce me.

But I can't let her do that.

I'll need her more than ever now.

How what?

Well, with a divorce going on, a scandal in a little town like that.

Oh, Larry Wilson couldn't sell peanuts.

Where are you going?

I think I'm going over to Shorehaven and have a little talk with that little

woman.

Hey, wait a minute.

Where's Kay? Where's Kay? What are you doing?

Hey, come here. You can't go in that room. You can't bust in like that.

Where's Kay?

Who are you?

Now, you know very well who I am.

Well, yes, but who do you think you are?

Oh.

Kay?

Kay? She might have been taking a bath.

Ah, shut up.

She's been here, all right. I saw the register.

Oh, did you now? Yes, Lawrence Wilson and wife. That's the way you signed it,

you dirty sneak. What do you mean by that?

After all, she's my wife, isn't she?

Well, she may be your wife, but she's engaged to me.

Engaged to you?

Yes, but why should Kay want to divorce me?

Have you ever taken a good look at yourself?

Let's not get personal. I ask, why should she want to divorce me? You know

Yes, I do, but do you?

I'll say I do, and so does everybody else that knows you. It's written all

you. Kay was never married to you.

Keep it clean, keep it clean.

No, she was married to the Rotary, the Kiwanis, the Lions, the Moose, the Elks,

and the Greater Habersville Committee.

Boy, is that big of me.

Your idea of showing her a good time was to take her to the annual ladies' night

dinner given by the Brotherhood of Hoodowls.

Hoodowls? Yes, Hoodowls.

Kay spent five long years of boredom and penny -pinching. Now she's going to

have some fun out of life.

With you?

It's against nature.

Would you mind getting rid of your wise -cracking stooge? We can settle this

between the two of us.

Oh, there isn't anything to settle.

Oh, things and people have changed.

All bets are off. From now on, it's every man for himself.

You promised Kay a divorce.

I might have known you'd go back on your word, you dirty double -crosser, you.

You've been asking for this.

You were asking for that.

He might have at least told me his name.

Hello? Oh, it's you.

Larry Wilson, what do you mean by acting that way with Herbert?

His name's Herbert.

I'm not surprised.

Well, listen, Kay, I didn't mean to hit Herbert so hard, honestly.

What's that you say?

What'd he say?

He said he hit you.

He did not. I ran into a door.

You didn't hit Herbert. He ran into a door.

What? What's he want?

He wants me to join him for dinner.

Oh, no, no, no.

He says if I don't go, he'll never give me the divorce.

Why, it's blackmail. That's what it is.

Well, all right, but I'm going along, too.

Very well, Larry. We'll join you.

Yes. Herbert's coming, too.

Goodbye.

I'm sorry, Herbert, but Larry has the upper hand. We'll have to humor him.

You did run into a door, didn't you?

Lobster? We didn't order that.

Oh, yes, madam. They were ordered from this morning's next.

Why, there must be some mistake.

Oh, no, sir. Mr. Wilson ordered them this afternoon when he reserved the

Champagne? For Larry?

Oh, no, no.

Not all of it.

You and Herbert can have some, too.

Larry, what have you done to yourself?

Your mustache.

And that outfit.

Oh, just a few last -minute alterations. I'm sorry I'm late.

Oh, Herbert, black tie?

At least he didn't buy his this afternoon.

Yes, I can see that.

Ah, good old bubbles.

Aged, I hope.

Well, if Haversville could see you now.

You who ran for assemblyman on the prohibition ticket.

Oh, yes, yes, dear. But you see, the doctor said that I should have a drink

every 15 minutes. No, thank you.

Oh, you're not drinking, Herbert? No, I'm not drinking. Now, look here,

Don't shush me.

Now, Kay and I came here tonight for only one reason. Here's a man that gets

loud on no drinks. You're deliberately trying to make him lose his temper.

Oh, I'm so sorry, old man. How about a dance?

Certainly not.

Not you, Kay.

We came here to talk.

But the doctor said that I should have plenty of exercise.

When I dance with you, I'm the one that gets the exercise.

Well, I suppose I'll have to dance with myself then.

to Virginia Real or any of your old -time favorites, you know.

Where did you learn to dance like this? Uh, by mail.

Larry. Something wrong, dear?

Oh, it's one thing. I can't breathe.

Oh.

Is this better? No.

You know, dear, if we could just slip away for a few minutes, we could, dear.

came with Herbert.

Oh, well, if you came with Herbert, then you should leave with me. That's only

fair.

You know, darling, I took some of the loveliest snapshots on that cruise. I'd

just love to show them to you.

I am not going to look at your snapshots. Oh, K .B.

Excuse

me.

Thanks for the use of my wife, old man.

Well, now, are we going to talk or aren't we? I'm all ears. Fire away.

What are you going to do about the divorce?

The divorce?

Oh, of course you can have a divorce.

In five or six weeks, perhaps.

What? Well, I'm opposed to this unseemly haste.

Somebody might get the idea that Kay didn't like me.

You can't fool me, Larry Wilson. It's not Kay you're thinking of.

It's the Chamber of Commerce.

Of course.

Of course, I might have known.

Six weeks, you said?

Hmm. By some odd coincidence, that happens to be the date set for the

of the president of the Chamber of Commerce.

You're afraid a divorce will hurt your chances.

Well, well, unless Kay comes back to Habersville with me and for five or six

weeks as my loving and devoted wife, I'll have to fight the case.

I feel it's my duty.

Oh.

If he feels it's his duty, we're sunk.

We might as well give in.

You're taking my wife.

The least you can do is give me the Chamber of Commerce.

You're welcome.

Well, I think we should be getting on, Kay. Yes, I think we'd better.

Oh, but you haven't eaten yet. I'm not hungry.

Well, but this... Good night, Larry.

Well, I'll walk out with you. I didn't bother.

Don't. No trouble at all.

Thank you, sir.

Good night, Larry.

Kay, do you think I...

Can I kiss you goodnight? Just once.

If Herbert doesn't mind.

Say, what do you think this is?

A sort of farewell.

Well, if you must.

Farewell, Kay.

Don't look back.

It'll be easier.

Yeah, it smells different than Habersville.

That's the glue factory.

I forget. If anything comes up you can't handle. Yes, I know. I faint.

Don't forget to catch me.

You nervous?

About.

Ex -mate, ex -mate, a wife. Mother, darling.

Oh, mother.

Mother, mother, how well you're looking.

You look wonderful yourself.

Change, Larry.

What is it?

Vacation. It's wonderful. What a vacation will do for a man, mother.

Careful. Larry, here's me a car.

Oh, yeah, well, how are you, Mr. Mayor? You are certainly looking mighty fit.

Habersville is mighty proud of you, my boy. What you did was not only a credit

to yourself and the community, but a shining example for our youth.

And here is Habersville's highest award, the key to our city.

Thank you, Mr. Mayor, and the good citizens of Habersville for this key

to our city.

And I only want to say that you all have the key to my heart.

Ah, the sober -tongued stuffed shirt.

Oh, yes, Mayor, this is my good friend, Dr. Ryan, Mr.

Mayor. Dr. Ryan?

I am proud and happy to be here, folks, and I would like to take this occasion

to say, Larry, it's my proud privilege to present a gift from the municipal

band. Oh.

Well. A solid silver trumpet.

Well, that's very nice. Thank you very much, Mayor.

Thank you, boys.

Thank you.

And now I hope you'll lead us in singing the Habersville Town Song, your own

brilliant composition.

Oh, yes.

Yes, of course.

Larry, suppose you start us with a fanfare on your new trumpet.

Yes, of course. Very glad to.

Here, gently now, fellas. Now, be careful, please.

Gently, right along in there.

Put the body on the bed, boys.

Do you think it's serious, Doctor? Oh, no, no, no, no. It's all right. He'll be

quite all right. But he doesn't need quiet.

Absolute quiet. Oh, he looks so pale. I think if you two were to let him alone

for a while... Doctor, isn't there anything... we can get? Not a thing. A

hot water, perhaps? Oh, hot water, that's the worst thing. There's

something we can do. Not a thing. Would you like another doctor?

Oh, no, don't worry about that. Something I can do? Not a thing you can

Goodbye, that's fine. Thank you, ma 'am.

All right, little Eva, you can ease up on the dying now.

You see it? Yeah, it's there.

You stuffed that.

What's that?

That is an owl.

You stuffed that, too.

And that, according to Mother.

What I do at night, build a campfire to keep them away.

This is your room.

Where are you stopping? I'm your guest.

Mother insisted on it.

Oh, fine.

Yeah. Maybe now you can keep your mind on your work.

What do you think I've been doing?

Whatever it was, it had nothing to do with business.

Look at Larry.

You ain't going overboard for your wife, are you?

Say, just because a guy takes off his shoes and socks to go wading doesn't

he's planning to swim the Atlantic, does it?

So long as you don't get in over your head.

Look, Doctor, that's my department.

You better go out and take a slant at the town and see who runs the burg, who

the big shots are.

Find out what brand of suckers they grow here.

Right. And, Doc, you better phone the Palace Hotel from outside and see if the

Duke has checked in yet, huh? I'm on my way.

And, Doc, if I'm going to have to stay in this jungle alone, you better send me

up a bottle of scotch.

Scotch, coming up.

Oh, Doctor, how is he? He's beginning to sit up and take notice. Oh, is there

anything special in the way of diet?

Well, yes, he needs stimulants.

Scotch, brandy, champagne.

Oh, but Mr. Wilson is a teetotaler.

Well, he'll just have to force himself.

It's bitter, isn't it?

That's because you're not used to it, dear. The doctor said you might have to

force yourself.

Oh, no, no, I don't want to.

There,

now. Feel better?

I can take it.

Oh.

Where's Kay?

In her room.

Now, Larry.

About Kay.

I know the whole story.

It's ridiculous.

Oh, I hope you brought her to her senses, Mother.

The idea.

You in here, her in there for a whole year.

I don't see how you could do such a thing.

Oh, neither do I.

But we're going to change all that.

I've come to stay for a while.

I'm taking the porch room, which should have been a nursery long ago.

Oh, Mother.

Don't argue.

Who's arguing?

But you'll never win K -back with a stuffed squirrel.

I'll never stuff another squirrel as long as I live.

Good. Now you better try and get some sleep.

Good night, Mumsy. Good night.

Yes? It's me, Larry.

What do you want?

I'm hungry.

Well, look in the icebox.

Well, all right, dear.

Don't you bother. I'll get my own food.

Even if I faint before I get there.

Oh, Larry, what is it now?

Open the door, Catherine. I want to talk to you.

All right.

I'm coming.

Catherine, I heard your conversation with Larry just now.

Larry's voice carries well, doesn't it? How you can sit there while your

husband, a sick man, does your work, I don't know.

Oh, all right, all right. I'll sit in some room.

All right, you can relax now.

Okay.

You came to me.

Wild horses couldn't keep me away.

You want some eggs?

More than anything in the world.

Almost.

I can't get over it.

The last time we had champagne in this house was three years ago on New Year's

Eve when the boss came to dinner.

And even that was the bottle Mother gave us for Christmas.

Kate, you know, I wish you would forget about the past.

You know, I've changed a lot lately.

Mm -hmm. Mm -mm. Not you, Larry.

You couldn't change any more than one of your stuffed owls could change.

You be careful, madam, or you'll turn my pretty head with your flattery. I've

often wished I could turn your head on a spit over a slow fire.

Oh, Kate, it makes my blood run cold.

Your blood was cold to begin with.

Now, there's where you're wrong.

How do you know?

Well, I may be a man of hidden depths and secrets.

Oh, I may go along in a rut for years, and then all of a sudden, bing, snap out

of it like that.

I feel awfully good.

Yeah?

Awfully, awfully good.

Oh, that's fine, darling, fine.

I'm so sorry.

Sorry? Hmm.

I'm so sorry I'm not in love with you anymore, because if I was still in love

with you, I'd be awfully in love with you.

Okay, darling.

You know, I know the most wonderful game of two -handed post office.

I think I'd better drink my coffee.

Come on, let's play post office.

Huh?

What did you put in this coffee?

Oh, just a little rum.

Why? Well, because it's healthy there.

Kills the bugs in the coffee.

Come on over here and sit around on my side.

I think you'd better have an understanding.

I'm in this house simply because of our agreement to convince the general public

that I'm still your wife. All right, convince me. I'm one of the public.

Strikes me as a pretty foul thing to say about the public.

You're certainly making me pay for my scrambled eggs, aren't you?

You're not even eating them.

I'm not hungry.

I mean, I... So,

you're not hungry?

Well, no.

Not really, I guess.

You don't want to eat your nice scrambled eggs?

No.

Then wear them.

How'd you make out with her?

Just standing.

What have you got on you?

Scrambled eggs.

What did you think?

I didn't know.

How'd you make out in town?

It's pie.

The town is loaded with dough. Just right for an oil bull.

Did you phone the hotel?

Yeah. Duke just got in. He'll meet you in front of the post office at 9 .30 in

the morning. That's fine. What about me?

You are the manager of a big bar he works here.

I make pots?

Yeah. You may not have any money, but you certainly have plenty of pots.

Well, I guess we better case the works.

Tonight? Sure. When I get there in the morning, I've got to know my way around.

I'll go to the desk. Wait a minute, wait a minute. What about... Oh, we'll pull

a sneak.

Sales department.

Haven't I got a cash department?

This is the sanctum sanctorum of L. Wilson.

Now you know where you are.

Wouldn't you know it?

Uh -oh.

Oh.

A nice old one. Yes.

Don't you think we should, uh... So, wait a minute.

I got the combination right here.

Try that.

Run back to the Wilson house. Come on.

Open the door,

please. Officers of the law.

What is it? Two burglars running back to your place. Thought maybe they got in

the house.

I hate scraping sound on the wall outside.

Larry?

Larry, are you all right?

Larry? Shh.

He's not well. I was afraid to leave him. Where is he?

I know he's here someplace.

There he is.

What's the matter?

Wake up, Larry. There are burglars in the house.

He's in no condition to see anybody.

You see, it was like this. There was a window open and... Don't wake him. No

shocks.

Look at him. The way he's breathing.

His face is dripping wet.

He's perspiring.

Yes, that's because he's sweating.

I'd better look around the house, ma 'am. I'll show you. Doctor, why don't

get out of bed and do something?

I can't.

He gets upset if I leave him. Get a hot water bottle, Kay. I'll put it at his

feet. No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no. Not his feet. Don't touch his feet. That's the one thing you mustn't

touch. Oh, nonsense.

I bet they're as cold as ice. Here, let me see. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

I just had the most horrible dream.

There, there, dear.

Mother's just seeing if your feet are cold.

Oh.

Say, doctor, I can't see anything to laugh about. His feet are as cold as

Okay, make that water good and hot.

Hey, come here a minute, will you?

Get rid of her.

I only sleep in the top of my pajamas.

Oh, all right.

Will you show me the rest of the house, ma 'am? Yes, sir.

It's all set.

Did you plant the oil?

Tonight. How was your amnesia?

Finally, I saw you.

Where'd you get that makeup?

I've been reading the fashion plates.

Phone you later.

Maybe we better say you're still too weak to work. Don't destroy my

because I haven't got it.

Here goes.

Mr. Wilson, how are you? Hello, Mr. Wilson.

It's good to see you back.

Glad to see you as well.

Oh,

this is my friend, Dr. Ryan. Meet the boys.

Chief, here's Mr. Wilson.

Hello, Larry.

Well,

well, well. Chief, it certainly is good to see you again. Welcome home, Larry.

Say, you've changed.

Oh, just a little streamlining. You know, clothes make the man.

Oh, this is Dr. Ryan, Chief.

How are you, Mr. Chief? Sims is the name.

Yes, yes.

Well, how are things getting along? Not as well as when you were here.

By the way, that's too bad about your collapse at the station yesterday. Oh,

just a little relapse. He's liable to do that every once in a while. while, for

a couple of months. Here you are, Larry, back home.

Oh, yes.

No place like home.

You've got a lot of work piled up. I'll look in later.

Yes, yes, of course, yes.

See you later, Mr. Chimps.

Oh,

Mr. Wilson, I'm so glad you're back.

How you have... I know, changed.

The police are here now, Mr. Wilson.

What? Where?

In your office. It's about the robbery last night.

Oh, the robbery.

Hello, Mr. Wilson. Glad to see you back. How are you, Sergeant? We're out on the

trail while it still prays. Oh, the spirit of Habersville.

Do you remember Malavinsky, our fingerprint expert?

Oh, how do you do? Oh, yes, of course.

Very well. Meet Sergeant... That's Dr.

Ryan and... Hiya, Doctor.

Mr. Malavinsky, our fingerprint expert.

Hey, don't!

My, how you scared me.

What's the matter? Have I done something I... No, they'll be your fingerprints.

They'll be my...

Oh, dear. How stupid of me.

Come on, Joe. It's no use now. I guess we'd better mosey along.

Well, so long.

So long, friend.

I'll see you again.

Oh.

Smith's in the way of my office. He wants an answer. What are you going to

Have you thought it over? Have you changed your mind?

Well, uh, uh, Chief, you're going to be surprised by what I say to that. I knew

you'd come around.

That's great. I'll go tell him right now.

Here's all your mail, Mr. Wilson.

I've got good news for you, Mr. Wilson. Very good news.

70 hours from the guild to shipping.

70 hours?

That's fine, fine.

Okay, Mr. Wilson.

It's the Hendrickson order. He wants 90 gross of X -245.

And prompt delivery, and we're out of stock.

Hello? Oh, well, now, that's a very important question.

You better call me back after lunch, yes.

We're trying it in tile and clay.

Shall we make up a bisque?

Well, uh... Have you taken it up with Mr. Sims?

He referred me to you.

Oh. Mm -hmm.

Uh... How long have you been with us?

Twelve years.

Twelve years.

Then you decide.

What?

Oh, but Mr. Wilson, you always said that you... Ah, but it's a new policy.

From now on, every... Every man is on his own. That goes for you and you and

everybody.

Well, it seems to be out of order.

It's been changed since I've been away.

Oh,

there we are. Yeah?

Mrs. Wilson would like to see you for just a moment.

Oh, yes, yes. By all means, have her come right in.

If you boys will excuse me, Mrs.

Wilson. And remember, boys, individuality. That's what makes a firm.

Making our own decisions.

Taking responsibility.

It builds character and gets the best results.

Yes, Mr. Wilson. Certainly, Mr. Wilson.

Scram. I get it.

Good morning, Doctor.

Good morning, Mrs. Wilson.

Now, don't tell me. I know.

You just couldn't stand being apart any longer. You needed me.

This will be more comfortable.

There we are.

Now.

It's the 15th.

The 15th?

Yes, yes, yes.

That means that tomorrow is the 16th.

It's just continually amazing to me the things you can think of to keep from

writing a check.

A check?

Oh!

The 15th.

I guess we've established that, all right.

That would be...

How much? You know perfectly well how much. No, what I meant was that maybe we

could just make it a lump sum this time.

How about 200?

What? Well, that's just for the time being, of course.

Have you struck oil?

Oil?

Oh, that's rich.

Suppose I give it to you in cash.

Now, if you run short, you just call on me.

Don't wake me up. Let me dream.

Oh.

Larry, can you get with Joe and me right away?

Oh, I'm very sorry, Chief, but something very important has come up. I've got to

go out right away with my wife.

With me? I'm going shopping.

You need a man's advice.

No, no. The last time I went shopping with you, I wound up in a cut price

Hubbard. You won't end up in a Mother Hubbard today.

Ah, you said something about nightgowns?

Well, Larry, we're running up a tremendous bill.

Now, don't you worry. I'm the penny pincher in our family.

Ah, here we are.

I'd like to look at some... The complaint department is on the third

Wilson.

What's eating her?

The same old pillowcase.

Pillowcase? The one they advertised for $2 .69 and charged you $2 .98 for.

You were only going to have her arrested.

Oh, yes, yes, that's right.

Well, I wish I had.

Can I help you, Mrs. Wilson?

Mr. Wilson.

Oh, yes, yes.

Mrs. Wilson would like to look at some nightgowns. Oh, yes.

This is the model you usually buy, Mrs. Wilson.

Huh?

Oh, well, uh... Wrap it up. Yes, sir. And burn it.

But you'll like this, Mr. Wilson. It's reduced to a special price this week.

You know, I think I could whip up something miftier than that myself out

flower sacks.

Well, it's the cheapest we have.

But I don't want anything cheap.

I want something expensive.

Oh, Mr.

Himes. Oh, how do you do, Mr. Wilson? How do you do? Mr. Wilson said he wants

buy something expensive.

Somebody's making fun of us today, eh, Mr. Wilson?

Well, I just want to buy something nice. I don't care whether it's expensive or

not.

Give up?

No, no. I'm groggy, but I'm game.

Look, just forget about me.

Let's pretend that it's an entirely different customer. It's... Oh, here.

This is Mrs.

Albemarle. One of the Pittsburgh Albemarles. You know, coal and iron.

Well, Mrs.

Albemarle wants to buy a new nightgown and hang the expense.

Perhaps I'd better get the manager.

Larry, let's forget it. I don't really need a nightgown. You're going to get a

new nightgown if I have to buy two silkworms and start from scratch.

Look, Mrs. Albemarle has been very patient up to now, but she's getting

little tired of this pup tent she's wearing. Look at that sailcloth.

You'll pardon my cold hands, won't you, Mrs. Albemarle?

She's positively ashamed to be seen in it.

Probably more ashamed to be seen without it.

Oh, you don't know Mrs. Albemarle.

Now, haven't you something from, say, Charmaine?

Yes, sir.

Where did you learn about Charmaine?

Oh, on the boat. It was in a magazine.

Isn't that what you had in mind, sir?

Of course.

Well, now, that's... No.

Now,

there we are.

Now, isn't that pretty?

It's lovely.

How much is it?

Ninety dollars.

Good. Wrap it up and send it along.

Yes, Mr. Wilson.

Kay, what you need is some tea.

After a strenuous day's shopping, there's nothing like a good cup of...

madam. Your slip's showing.

Oh, boy, what a place to get to. Well, it certainly took you long enough.

Yeah, I'm sorry, Duke. I was delayed.

Oh, oh.

Isn't that beautiful, Duke? You're a genius. How'd you rig it?

The barrel's buried under the bank.

I just led the pipe out to there and sent it over in about ten minutes.

Well, if that doesn't sell itself, my name's not Larry Wilson.

Come to think of it, it's not, is it? Well, if you're not, who is?

Huh? Oh, don't confuse me, Doctor.

Now the question is how to get the suckers out to this wilderness so they

admire your landscaping, Duke. You mean you haven't figured that out yet?

Uh...

Well, I've been sort of busy. Yeah, I heard all about that. Now listen,

Flop on this job and it's a permanent flop.

Duke, the money is practically in your pants right now.

I got it. I'll give a picnic Sunday. Get the leading citizens out here. Go in

swimming, come out covered with oil. That's great.

This is Tuesday. Well, there won't be enough oil around here to fill a

lighter by Sunday. Well, never mind. Leave it to me.

Getting them out here is my department.

That's a swell job, Duke. We can't miss. We better not.

Now, don't get me wrong.

I mean, we better not.

What are you worrying about?

Everything's going to be dandy -wandy.

I'll see you fellas later.

Who is it?

Open the door.

It's open.

I thought it was locked.

I suppose it had been.

Well, I'd have kicked it down.

What for?

What?

What for?

Oh, so I could come in.

Why?

Why? That's right. Why?

Oh, because I wanted to see how pretty you looked in your new negligee.

I was just trying it on.

Certainly pretty.

I just spent two hours straightening things out with Herbert.

Don't you think you've caused me enough trouble for one day?

No.

Sometimes you remind me of a high school boy on the street corner whistling at

girls.

Well, it's romantic to whistle at the opposite sex.

Birds do it.

Lovebirds. Lovebirds don't whistle. They coo. No, they whistle a sort of low,

cooing whistle. Like this.

Sort of gets you, doesn't it?

Not particularly.

No? You know, I knew a case once where a female lovebird locked the male

lovebird out of her nest. And he stood outside and he whistled and he whistled

and he whistled like this.

Please let me in.

Oh,

it was pitiful.

And then finally he lost his temper.

So he kicked the door of the cage down.

And what do you suppose the female did then?

Gave him a sharp peck at the base of the skull?

No. No, she spread her soft little wing around him.

And she sighed.

And she laid him an egg.

Larry, please, for heaven's sakes, leave me alone.

Well, what's the matter? I haven't done anything.

What are you getting angry about?

Oh, I don't know.

Yes, I do know.

I know.

It's Herbert. That's who it is. It's Herbert.

Kay, if Herbert's doing anything to make you unhappy... It isn't Herbert, it's

you.

Me? Yes, you.

You've done everything you could think of to make me miserable.

What have I done?

I suppose you didn't take me out and buy me the most expensive clothes in town.

Is that bad?

And I suppose you didn't say nice things to me and pay me dozens of compliments

and try your best to please me. You couldn't have been more absolutely

You were just as nice and sweet and kind as you could be, and you know it.

I guess I've been a heel.

You're not getting anywhere, and I wish you'd stop.

Stop not getting anywhere?

No, stop getting me mixed up.

I want you to be your old self.

Your owl -stuffing, speech -making, pompous old self.

I don't want any more of this Jekyll and Hyde business.

Well, now, let me get this clear. You mean that you're upset because I've been

acting as though I find you lovely?

Yes.

Yeah, but you are lovely, Kay. If you only give me half a chance, I'd prove

how lovely I think you are. There you go again.

Well, I was only trying to... No!

No what?

I've got something to tell you, and I don't want you to say a word.

Not a word?

Just keep quiet.

Understand?

You said before that I was lovely, attractive to you.

Well, that's not so. It's just your pride, that's all.

Stop doing that.

You're losing me, so suddenly I seem worth holding on to.

It's not me. It's just the idea of giving up anything that ever belonged to

You don't love me. You never did.

Public opinion is the only thing you love. Public opinion, public buildings,

public positions.

You just can't stand being hurt in the eyes of the public.

Now, that's why I resent your attentions, and that's why my door is

stay locked as long as I'm in this house.

Now, if you have anything to say, make it short.

My gosh, Kate.

There isn't anything to cry about.

Please go away.

Golly, you got up early.

Yeah. Oh, uh, has Duke gotten the options?

He has on all the land surrounding yours.

Cost him 400 fish.

I'm going to get some customers out of that creek today if I've got to carry

them out and rub their noses in it. Yeah, Duke says he wants some action. He

wants some action.

You think I want to hang around this Hickberg any longer than I have to?

Yeah, that's funny. I thought... Well, you thought what?

Nothing.

That is, I, uh... Well, nothing, I guess.

Spread your eye over that.

What is it? Just a list of all the higher income brackets.

Uncle Sam's sucker list.

You mean they really print them? Yeah. They try to make it a little easier for

us now.

Oh.

Leonard Harkspur, 210 grand. Isn't that beautiful?

Say, we've got to remember that. Leonard Harkspur, 210 grand.

Edward Littlejohn, 131 ,000. Say, some of these local boys do pretty good,

they? Is it all right for Corporal Bellinson now?

What do you mean, is it all right?

It's Wednesday, you know.

Oh, yes, yes, it is Wednesday.

Who is Corporal Bellinson?

Oh, you tell him, Miss Stinkle.

He has a ranger medallion, two silver stars, and a community stripe.

You don't say.

If you'd put me at ease, sir, I'd like to shake you by the hand.

Oh, well.

Well, that's easy.

How are you? At ease, Bellumson.

The troop is very proud of you, sir. That rescue at sea.

I'm the guy whose life he saved.

Ryan's the name. Ranger Leader Ryan from Scranton?

No, no, I'm awful sorry.

I was in the army, though.

It's two o 'clock, sir. The troop's outside already.

Where are they going?

Well, that's up to Mr. Wilson.

Oh, well, uh...

I'm afraid this afternoon... He can't go in this afternoon.

But it harps for his test today.

It's out of the question.

Harkspur? Yes, sir.

Now, look here, young man.

Leonard Harkspur? Sure, junior.

He's been waiting for you to get back to take his test for first -class ranger.

And Brown and Little John have been working very hard to get out of the

tenderfoot class.

Little John, eh?

Yes, sir.

Don't you remember, Mr. Wilson?

You said... Oh, of course, of course I remember.

You know, as a matter of fact...

I had arranged a test for today, a sort of water test. You remember we were

talking about the water test?

Very interesting.

That's blended, sir. But how about shooting the buck first?

Go ahead, you're faded.

Oh, gambling at your age.

Oh, you don't understand, sir.

Mr. Wilson's been showing us how to trail a deer and then shoot it with a

and arrow. We call it shooting the buck.

Well, what do you know?

Well, let's get going, huh?

Lead on, corporal. But your uniform.

Am I what?

For a moment you'd forgotten, hadn't you, sir?

for, sir?

Uh, it's good for the leg muscle.

Oh, it's good for the leg muscle.

Good for the leg muscle. Good for the leg muscle.

Good for the leg muscle.

Good for the leg muscle. Good for the leg muscle.

Hey,

Tom, Tom, you lost your army.

They went that -a -way.

Oh.

Oh.

Corporal! Villains!

Company, halt!

Corporal, are you sure this is the shortcut to the creek?

Oh, yes, sir. We're almost there now.

All right.

It certainly is great to see Larry Wilson back in harness, all right, all

Oh, well, thanks. It's certainly good to be back.

You know our visitor from the West Happersville troop, Patrol Leader

all right, all right.

Oh, yeah.

Ranger Leader Wilson, at the last meeting of the Royal Rangers Council of

County of Happersville, it was decided to bestow upon you a token of

appreciation. It gives me great pleasure to present to you, for outstanding

service to the youth of your community,

The Brown Beaver.

Uh, ma 'am?

Uh, ma 'am, uh, I'm, uh, I'm, uh, not much at speech

-making.

So, uh, about, uh, about, uh, all I can say is that when I,

uh, When I came out here this afternoon, about the

last thing I expected to get was a beaver.

Oh,

thank you, thank you, one and all. And now, let's go to the creek.

Oh, sir, you've forgotten Hartsburg's test.

Oh, yes, yes, Hartsburg's test.

Committee in charge of the deer cleats, move.

Oxford, front and center.

Oxford, in five minutes you'll take up the trail of the buck.

Five minutes later, the troop will follow you.

If you succeed in locating Ranger Leader Wilson before the troop catches up to

you, you will have passed the training quest of a first -class ranger. You have

my own and the troop's best wishes.

You know, the whole organization is clamoring to hear more about your

woodsmanship, Mr. Wilson. I thought I'd train along with you today and...

Take a few notes on your technique.

Patrol leader Billings is going to write an article about you for our Rangers

Gazette. Well, I wasn't planning on doing very much today.

Oh, I know it won't seem much to you.

I just hope I can keep up, that's all.

Ready, sir?

Yeah,

are you ready?

Are you ready?

I'm sorry, Ranger Leader Wilson, but I don't get it. Oh, well, it's all very

simple, Mr. Billings. You see, I'm a four

-footed animal in flight.

Yes, and you see, in the first flush of panic, the animal mind isn't bright

enough to realize that he could have run around the brush.

Well, that adds up all right.

Oh, yes. It's just elementary deer psychology. Oh.

Oh, I see.

That's where the deer bedded for the night.

Yes, yes, that's it.

You got it.

You must have had your eyes wide open to find a spot like this.

Thanks.

But, Mr.

Wilson, won't this make it too difficult for the young fellow?

Oh, yes. Yes, we...

Mustn't make it too difficult for him, must we?

No.

This

particular

deer doesn't seem to run very much, Mr. Wilson.

No,

no, this deer relies more on his wits.

Mr. Wilson!

Mr.

Wilson!

Mr. Wilson.

Amazing.

Absolutely amazing.

Oh, here you are. I found you.

Where is he? The tracks end here.

The tracks end here?

Yes. Well, if the tracks end here, how will I be able to follow him any

I can't follow him. Now I'm going to be a first -class ranger.

Don't you worry, young fellow. There's not a man in the country who could solve

this problem. I tell you, it's the most amazing bit of widowship I've seen in my

life. What's the matter? What's happened?

It's not Barry. He didn't leave any more tracks.

No?

Barry!

Barry!

Barry is waiting for us. He was here all the time.

He was right here laughing at us. Well, what happened? What delayed you?

Ranger Leader Wilson, when I meet a genius, I...

I'd take off my hat.

I'd give a Sunday necktie to know how you did it.

Mr. Billings, that one's known only to creatures of the forest.

I had to learn it the hard way.

Why do you make the test so hard for me? Now I'm not going to be a ranger. No,

no, no.

Don't worry, Hawkspur.

I'll give you another chance.

Now, I want to see how accurately you can find your way with the aid of a map.

You will proceed directly to the creek.

You'll cross the creek at... At this point.

Huh? Uh, and, uh, then, uh, then you can go home.

Ah, the creek's right over the knoll there. Heck, that ain't no test.

Well,

uh, do you want to become a first -class ranger?

Okay, I'll go.

No, no, wait just a minute now. Oh, uh, little John.

Little John.

Oh, yes.

Now, Little John, you go along with Foxborough and make sure that he carries

his orders. Yes, sir. May I go too, sir?

Oh, uh, uh, Bellinson, uh, what is your father doing these days?

Why, he's still president of the bank, sir.

Oh, he is, huh? Well, you run right along. Run right along.

What a cock and bull story.

Imagine finding oil out here.

But, Dad, we've seen... Aren't you ashamed of yourself, dragging your

on a wild goose chase?

Well, I suppose I got the oil off a truck or something.

No, we didn't.

Honest. Don't contradict me. I guess I know when you're lying.

Well, I suppose we might as well go home. Yes, might as well, I guess.

Good night, Leonard.

Good night, Edward.

Hello, Ed.

Sometimes I tell you not to point.

Well, I suppose your boy's told you. There's not a way to prove it.

I told my boy when he told me.

No world, huh?

Yeah, that's Duke all right.

You won't forget the signal, will you?

I remember.

But you quit spewing.

Where's your handkerchief?

In my pocket.

I've given up wearing it on my head this season. Yeah, those fellas ought to be

here. What did Hartspur say to you on the phone?

He said they'd be here at 7 o 'clock.

Did he mention the oil?

No, not a word.

Oh, that's fine. They're going to play you for the sucker. Let's take to the

cinch. Yeah.

I want to... Larry, some gentleman to see you.

Throw them in by all means, mother.

Come in, gentlemen.

You own a piece of land here,

Marsh's subdivision. Yes.

The state is building a new highway through the suburbs, and we've brought

pressure to see that it runs out through your land. What would you say to a

check for $10 ,000?

A clear profit of $7 ,500.

$10 ,000?

What?

That's a profit of...

300 % of my investment. Oh, I... Oh, I couldn't take that, gentlemen.

We think it's coming to you, Lassie.

Yes, but I... Why, I'd feel like a profiteer, you know?

However, if it's agreeable to you, gentlemen, it's a deal.

Splendid. I have a check right here.

I think I have the deed to that land right here in my desk.

Gee, uh... A grant deed? Yes, yes, there it is.

Now, shall I, uh...

Shall I just indicate the transfer on the back? I must see Mr. Wilson at once,

sir. Well, I wonder who that could be.

Go ahead, Larry.

Don't break in. Stand aside, sir. And wait your turn.

I'm sorry to intrude, Mr.

Wilson. I am Mr. Wilson.

Oh, thank you.

My name is Sheldon, Colonel E .J. Sheldon.

Well, this is rather unusual, sir, but how do you do?

This is Mr.

Hawkspur.

Mr. Bellinson and Mr.

Littlejohn. How do you do, gentlemen?

Mr. Wilson, I'll be brief.

You're the owner of Marsh's subdivision, I believe.

Yes.

Splendid. Now, my firm's very anxious to get a hold of that land.

What do you take for it?

Well, this is a coincidence.

I was just offered $10 ,000 for that land. Mr. Wilson, I'll double that

You mean it?

I'm not in the habit of joking, sir.

Colonel Sheldon has heard about the new road.

New road?

I know of no road.

Mr. Wilson, I'm in the gravel business, and your land contains valuable deposits

of that substance.

Gravel on my land?

You heard my offer, Mr. Wilson.

How about it?

Wait a minute, Larry.

We'll match Colonel Sheldon's offer.

Larry? Yes?

Larry, what are you doing?

Oh, I... Are you selling those locks you own?

Well, no, not yet, dear, but it looks as if I might. Do you know what's on the

land? Oh, yes, dear. I know all about the rich gravel deposits.

Gravel deposits?

Gravel deposits my foot. It's oil.

Oil?

Well, this is just an idle rumor, I'm sure.

You know, these things come up and before you know it... This is no idle

This is oil and gobs of it.

It seems to me, Colonel, that you have deliberately misrepresented the value of

Mr. Wilson's property.

Watch your step, Larry.

Don't let anyone swindle you.

No, thank you, dear. I won't.

Major Shelby?

Colonel Sheldon.

Well, Colonel, Admiral, or whatever it is, I'll have to ask you to leave this

house, sir. Oh, now, just a moment, my dear sir.

Business is business, and I have the right to drive as good a bargain as I

You have no right to come in and try to swindle one of our town's leading

citizens, Colonel.

I'll give you $100 ,000 for a half interest in your property, Mr. Wilson.

What?

No.

My good fortune is Habersville's.

My friends and I will handle this proposition.

You bet.

Oh, so that's it. Well, then permit me to inform you that I have options on the

four pieces of property surrounding yours.

And I'll have drilling equipment out there by tomorrow night.

Chances are my wealth will drain off every drop of oil and leave your

valueless.

Just a moment, Colonel Sheldon.

Suppose we buy you out.

With what?

With hard cash.

Right. How much did it take for your option?

Well, I own four parcels. I'll take, um...

50 ,000 each.

How do you propose to handle that, Mr.

Wilson?

Well, uh... Sir?

It's a deal.

Very well.

Suppose we meet in my rooms at the Palace Hotel.

What time?

Better give us four or five hours. All right.

I shall expect you between 11 and 12.

See you later, gentlemen.

We'll have to work fast to get that money. Exactly. We mustn't give Sheldon

chance to back out. We'll get it. Will you meet us later in Sheldon's room,

Larry? What?

Oh, yes, yes. Finally. Come on, fellas. Let's go. Oh, good evening, Doctor. Good

evening, Doctor. Good evening.

Good evening.

Great work, pal. I was listening to the door. I'm proud of you.

Oh, yes, thanks.

Where's Kay?

Kay? Oh, I saw her go out a minute ago with a letter in her hand.

By the way, how did she know about the oil?

That's what I want to find out.

Oh, Kay?

Kay?

If your arm is going my way, I'll give it a lift.

No hat, envelope in hand?

I deduce that you're going to mail a letter.

Yes, I'm going to mail it.

I needn't tell you how much you saved me.

I'm still so mad I could explode.

Those crooks pretending to be your friends.

And Herbert's no better.

He acted as though I were a common thief.

As if I ought to be glad of a chance to pick your pocket legally.

Oh, so that's how you...

You're the only honest one in the whole crowd.

Who, me? You're really too good for this town.

No, not really.

Exit Herbert?

Exit Herbert.

I want to walk.

Oh, is this a private walk, or can anyone come?

Anyone can come, even you.

Gosh, it was certainly worth a climb, wasn't it? A wonderful view.

Well, Larry, don't tell me you've forgotten this place.

Forgot?

Why, no. How could I forget it?

It was right here.

Hmm?

Oh, yes, yes. No, no, I think it was a little more to the left. I think you're

right.

About there, huh?

That's just the way you were sitting.

Hmm?

Oh, yes, that's right.

I was.

Remember what you said?

Uh... Yeah.

You? Mm -hmm.

You said, Kay, darling, marriage is the soundest investment two people can make.

Yeah, that's right.

Kay, why did you ever marry me?

Because I felt that...

Back of those stuffed trophies and large pins, there was another person.

An exciting person.

The sort of man I dreamt of marrying.

He wasn't really there, though, was he?

Yes, Larry.

I finally found the man I thought I married.

Cities look different at night, don't they? All those lights.

It's like a...

Like an evening gown, a black evening gown with spangles.

I'm sorry I didn't find him sooner.

Oh, don't apologize for what you thought of me. You were right. You're still

right. No, I was terribly wrong.

But I was afraid.

I was afraid of falling in love with you again.

If you were afraid then, you should be twice as afraid now.

I don't understand that.

I hope you never will.

Well, I suppose I'd better be getting back.

Shall we go?

All right.

Larry, come here.

You make me sick.

Huh? If there's anything that turns my stomach, it's a man who acts noble.

Noble? You know darn well that you love me.

And now you're acting noble and giving me up because something's wrong.

I don't know what it is, but I'm going to find out.

Okay, wait, I... Ever since you got off that boat, you've been chasing me like

an amorous goat.

You've tried your darndest to make me fall in love with you, and now you have.

So from now on, I'm going to do the chasing.

And believe me, brother, you're going to know you've been chased.

You're finally back, huh?

Yeah.

How did you find out about the oil?

Perfect. Oh, yeah.

I thought we'd drop the suitcases out the window, then grab them when we

scrammed out of town.

I got yours packed already.

Doc, I don't favor him.

You know, my share of this will be about 50 grand.

Holy, Ike, can you imagine me with 50 Gs? Doc,

how'd you like to go to work in my pocket right now?

I wouldn't like it.

What's the angle?

About 30 bucks a week.

More when you learn the business.

What are you getting at?

I'm getting a chance to eat regular and sleep regular and not have to duck into

a cellar every time you see a cop.

Maybe have a little home of your own with a nice garden, porch.

Are you kidding me?

Maybe meet some nice, plump little lady who thinks you're the greatest guy in

the world.

Get married, have some kids, teach them to ride a bike, play baseball with their

boys. The girls, you can put hair ribbons on them and take them walking on

Sundays. Gee, that sounds wonderful.

Yeah?

I'm glad you like it, Doc, because that's what we're going to do.

Yeah? Well, you're crazy.

Can you imagine us setting up housekeeping in this town after the oil

I'm afraid you're not very quick, Doc.

The oil deal is off.

The oil deal is off?

Then I don't get my 50 G's?

From 50 G's to 30 bucks.

And you're the guy that was only going in waiting.

I'm sorry, Doc.

It's all right with me.

After all, you saved my life. Hey, what about Duke?

Yeah.

I'm afraid Duke is just a wee bit mercenary.

Yeah, and he likes money, too.

Well, I suppose I might as well go on my way. This is likely to develop into

quite a argument.

Don't get him sore, Larry. I seen your fight once, and honestly, it was awful.

Doc?

What I'm trying to hang on to is worth a punch in the nose.

A punch in the nose.

Duke will kill him.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Doc.

Uh, Duke, uh, Duke, was you ever in love?

Say, what are you talking about?

I'm talking about love, Duke.

You know, a nice little home with a couple of kids and a porch.

And not having to duck a cop every time you see a seller.

Say, what have you been drinking?

And look, Duke, if it's a boy, you can teach him to play baseball.

And if it's a bicycle, oh, Duke, you can put hair ribbons on her and go walking

on Sundays.

You better go and sleep it off.

You got to remember another thing, Duke.

Larry's had this here now amnesia.

Oh, Duke, you don't know amnesia.

It just does things to a fella.

For instance, you take love.

Love.

Love me, uh, love me right?

Yes, that's right. Didn't he come in the money?

Yeah, well, I just thought you'd like to know.

That's all.

Bye.

Hello.

Guy I know.

He's a horse crazy.

How did amnesia come in, doctor?

Oh, uh, why, uh, he, uh, amnesia wasn't in the race.

Come here, doctor.

Sit down.

Now we're going to have a nice long talk.

Yes, ma 'am.

Come in.

Duke? Oh, it's you.

Say, you're here early.

What's up?

Up? Why?

Yeah, Doc Ryan just phoned me.

Oh, he did, huh?

Mm -hmm.

What'd he say?

Well, it wasn't quite clear, but I got the feeling that I was headed for the

sharp end of a sellout.

Come on, Kerry.

What is it? Let's have it.

Well, Duke, the oil deal is finished.

I'm calling it off. Take another look in your crystal ball, my friend.

This oil scheme is pure fraud.

And if you welch on me, I'll see that the whole town knows who cooked it up.

Whatever you do, I can't go through with it.

I can't give my wife a dirty deal like that. Well, the deal you're giving me

isn't exactly lily white. I know.

It isn't easy for me to let you down, but I... I simply can't help it, Duke. I

can't go through with it.

Oh, this Moonlight and Rose is who they don't fool me.

You and this dame are up to something.

No, you're wrong, then.

She doesn't know anything about it.

Larry.

Why, Kate.

What are you doing here?

It's all right, Larry.

I know.

Oh, so she didn't know a thing, huh?

You told her about the oil?

She pumped it out of me.

Kate.

I want you to go home.

Nobody's going home. Just a minute, Duke. She had nothing to do with this.

her out.

Don't you dare lay a hand on him, you overgrown bully.

Shut your trap, madam.

Now, you listen to me.

If you and this Tootsie here want to play house and we get the cash, that's

okay. But this car runs to the end of the line, and nobody gets off till it

there. You can't give me orders, you crook. That's right, lady. I'm a crook.

what do you think he is, a Bible salesman? I don't care if he was an axe

murderer. That's all finished. Oh, I've seen him in love before.

It usually lasts from four to six weeks.

That's a lie.

Listen, lady.

I generally never sock a dame.

But I'm inclined to make an exception of you.

Okay, Duke. You asked for it.

Oh! Don't look out! Don't look out!

Take it easy. You killed him. I hope so.

Oh, Doc. Gladly.

Oh. Oh,

Doc. Help.

Hello? Matt, I'm drowly.

Oh, Larry, darling.

Oh.

Okay.

Hey.

How did you get aboard ship?

What?

Oh, yes.

You. It's all your fault, sir.

It's all your fault for falling overboard.

You're... Your drunken conduct is... is inexcusable. All right, Kerry, get up

and quit stalling.

I don't believe I know you.

Holy Ike.

Oh, Larry.

This isn't the boat.

What's happened?

Come on, pal, pull yourself together, will you?

We're in the middle of a big deal.

Deal? Oh, yes. If you'll come to my office, I'll be very happy to show you

full line of pots.

Oh, it's no use. It's no use.

I hope you don't mind, Larry, if we let Herbert in on our little proposition.

He's agreed to put up... What's the matter, Larry? What's happened? He

remember anything up to a few minutes ago.

He's had an attack of amnesia.

Amnesia?

Good heavens.

Don't worry, Larry. It's no worse than a bad cold.

Amazing. Doesn't he remember about the oil deal?

Oil? Oil deal?

Yes, yes, the oil deal. Certainly. Of course.

Gentlemen, you know I've always said that a man should stick to his line.

My line is pots.

But, Larry, Colonel Sheldon says this deal must be closed tonight.

Why are you torturing him like this? Can't you see he's in no condition to

discuss your silly business now?

Sit down, Larry.

Take it easy, pal. Take it easy.

I had the foresight to cash a large check when I heard about the oil deal.

Get a good doctor. Oh.

Mrs. Wilson is right.

It's not fair to a man in this condition to ask him to talk business tonight.

Come along. But this is an important deal. Actually, I'm sympathetic, but at

same time. No, no, after all this, there's nothing you can do. Just

think

of it. A clunk on the head gives me a pal.

Another clunk takes him away from me.

Oh, Mrs. Wilson, I forgot to tell you.

What?

Nothing.

You certainly can kick that amnesia around.