Original subtitles

(SNORING)

IGOR: The analysis is that they are long-term sleepers.

But it appears they have assumed the botched radio contact from Moscow

was an activation signal to start their operation.

An operation that was secretly hatched up back in the Cold War.

GEORGE: They met again, sir.

This time, playwright handed over what looks like a can of film.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

I think it might be some sort of Soviet attempt to infiltrate the British media.

From what I've seen on the box, they achieved that years ago.

Get in, get in!

IGOR: I told you this would happen. It's the bloody CIA.

They caught us cold, sir.

I don't suppose you're any closer to figuring out what the hell is going on!

It's not another woman.

He's the right age, love.

There's plenty of young lasses down in that brewery,

who wouldn't mind a ding-dong with a married man.

GRISHINA: Physically, he hasn't changed a great deal,

but agent Sergei Rublev,

first director at KGB, has become Jeremy Coward,

Executive Director, Hamilton Fairchild Investment Bank.

One down, one to go, I think.

Sergei, I've got an awful feeling

this time it's not the DSS.

JEREMY: Bugger.

Looks like dobriy den in Knightsbridge.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

JEREMY: The plumbing is still apparently a nightmare.

A friend of mine told me, the state of the lavatories

even in a top-class hotel in Moscow is still quite deplorable, and the food...

Yeah. Here we go.

Changing cars.

Every two hours on the hour.

Professional watchers, for sure.

God. Christ!

I could kill you, stupid, stupid bastard.

Oh, give it a rest.

Well, why else would the KGB be camped on my doorstep? They're not normally there.

Just as you showed up.

(SIGHS)

IGOR: Car 11.

Car 11.

I've arrived at the address.

No sign of the parcel yet.

VICTOR (ON RADIO): OK. Just stay there.

Kostov is in position.

I really don't understand why we are not making contact.

Bringing someone in from the field is a delicate operation.

They have been out there for 25 years. Now patience, Major, patience.

Don't lecture me on patience, comrade.

It is precisely because of my patience that we actually located these men.

ALBERT: It's always the bloody same with you, isn't it, Sergei?

Blame everybody but yourself.

For all we know, it could be you they've traced!

JEREMY: Me? How the blazes could they have traced me?

You must have led them here, you cretin!

ALBERT: Oh, for crying out loud, does it matter?

They're here, and that's what we got to deal with!

If you had any sense of decency, you would get the hell out of here,

they'd follow you and give me a sporting chance to get out of here.

All right, Sergei, if that's what you want.

Oh, come back.

Dickhead.

I don't know why we don't pick him up now.

Because the ID does not go around London in the middle of the night

banging on people's doors and dragging them out of bed.

It might be considered incompatible with our status as trade officials.

You do intend to bring him in, don't you?

You lift him now, you might blow his cover.

Jeremy Coward Rublev has become an international financier, think about that.

That could be invaluable to the Soviet Union right now.

That's not for you to decide. My orders are to find them and bring them in.

JEREMY: (WHISPERS) Down!

What's the matter?

JEREMY: There's somebody there.

ALBERT: Who is it? JEREMY: How the hell should I know?

ALBERT: No, I meant, is it one of them? JEREMY: I don't know.

JEREMY: Well, he's not reading a copy of Pravda, but he wouldn't, would he?

ALBERT: We could rush him.

JEREMY: Don't be such an idiot.

I want him picked up!

You have no experience of dealing with an agent in the field.

- Leave it to a professional. - Oh, no.

I worked very hard on this.

You're obsessive.

OK, so you found the guy, so learn to relax.

Go out, get drunk, get laid,

- but for Christ's sake, get off my back. - Oh, I see.

Just because I don't spend my time getting drunk and getting laid,

I'm obsessive, am I?

Well, the truth is, perhaps I'm only doing my job.

Then please allow me to do mine, Major.

Where are we going now?

There's a window in there, it leads to the car park.

IGOR: Quarter of a century undercover.

It will be an honour, to be there when we first say hello.

(JEREMY GRUNTING)

JEREMY: Ah, God. Oh, God. ALBERT: Push, man, push.

- Oh, I'm stuck, you prat. - Fat, overweight bastard!

ALBERT: I can't push!

- (ALBERT GRUNTS) - Are you all right, sir?

Is there something in my room you needed, sir?

Er, no. I'm fine, absolutely fine.

- I'm not fat. That window was very small. - Shut up.

(DOG BARKING)

We're certainly dealing with a class act here.

(DOG BARKING)

Slow down. Don't make it obvious.

You're not leaving without me. I'm staying right with you.

Open my side first.

It's got central locking, for God's sake.

God.

- ALBERT: Maurice. - Huh?

We've forgotten Maurice.

- What? - I promised Sharon.

- Go back and get him. - You go.

You'll leave without me, I know you.

Oh, for Christ's sake!

(CAR DOOR CLOSING)

(TIN CAN ROLLING)

IGOR: Philby, of course, had nerves of steel.

But at least he was English operating in England.

Rublev...

Must be made of iron to tough it out all these years.

- What the hell are you doing? - We're in a hurry, aren't we?

(ENGINE STARTS)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

IGOR: He's on the move.

There's two of them.

Car 11 here. We've got a high-speed delivery, but we have two parcels.

Repeat, two parcels.

Two parcels?

- Identification? - IGOR: Male, unknown.

Zelenski.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

JEREMY: Left hand, down. Left hand, down!

(HORNS HONKING)

He's all over the place.

Stop.

Stop the car!

Right hand, down!

Left hand down, you idiot!

(TYRES SCREECHING)

(SCREAMS)

What the hell is going on?

(TYRES SCREECHING)

That's them following. I think that's them.

I don't care if it's the entire bloody Red Army. Stop the car now before you kill us both!

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

Shit!

I've done my job. I hope you really do know how to do yours.

(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

Debacle.

"Debacle" is the word, George.

You get Special Branch to kick in the door of a television producer,

haul him off the for third degree, seize his goods and chattels, and for what?

No good reason that I can see now, sir.

Quite.

Whatever the Russian's are up to, I think we are agreed

that it would hardly involve interminable footage of the 1966 World Cup final.

I would have to concede that, sir, yes.

So, shall I return the film to the studio, sir?

Of course not.

They're threatening legal action, sir.

Apparently, this is the only footage

that shows whether Geoff Hurst's disputed goal was in or not.

What are you on about?

I sometimes wonder what you have between your ears, George.

They've paid a fortune for it, they're very anxious to get it back.

What, MI5 says, "Sorry.

"Here's your film back."

Good lord, man, the press would have a field day!

I told the Home Office that it was priority A1,

so burn the bloody thing in the national interest!

Right, sir.

And, George... If you want to stay in counter-espionage,

you'd better shape up,

and find out what the Russians are really up to.

Richfield, you're an asshole.

You put a major dent in my covert operations budget,

and look what you come back with.

This Major Grishina's still the key to it, sir.

So you keep telling me.

But a top-notch electronics expert sent in to pick up this heap of junk?

OK, I goofed there, sir.

Bet your sweet ass you goofed.

That radio's so old, it probably still picks up Tokyo Rose from World War II.

You better find out what these Brits are really up to or you are out on your ass.

JEREMY: I probably won't be in the office for a couple of days.

No, no, no, I'll call in. OK, bye.

Oh, Serena, look, ring Alison, will you?

And say, "I'm very sorry, but I can't make this evening."

Yeah, OK, bye.

ALBERT: Where are we heading for? JEREMY: Little place I've got tucked away.

(SNIFFLING)

(SIGHS)

Is this man going to find Maurice, Mum?

Shh, a minute, love.

SANDRA: We've had rows, but who hasn't?

But nothing that should lead to this.

He loves the kids, he always has.

What'd you make to this deception business mentioned in the letter?

I don't know. I just don't know.

Mrs Robinson, I don't want you to waste your money.

Now, to be brutally frank, if your husband has simply walked out and left you,

it's most likely for another woman.

Yes, well, that's what everybody reckons, but I know him.

I've got a feeling this has something to do with his past.

He was an orphan.

Oh, was he? But why his past particularly?

I mean, has something come up?

Well, it's just that he's always been very truthful,

but he lied to me about why he went to London recently.

SHARON: Mum, I want him to find Maurice.

- Maurice? - Her monkey.

My husband took him to London and lost him.

Oh, you've got a monkey, have you?

He's not a real monkey, he's a toy.

Ah.

(PHONES RINGING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

MAN 1: How many?

- How many? - MAN 2: One million.

Five million. I'll take.

ALISON: Ta-da.

Meet Max.

Max, Serena. Serena, Max.

Very smart. Isn't he sweet?

ALISON: Ready for JC.

He collects cuddly toys. Is he in?

Er, no, Allie, not today.

And he's left a message for you. Dinner's off, I'm afraid.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(CAR DOOR CLOSING)

Oh, it's good.

It's really good.

I'd get that clutch looked at if I were you.

(DEVICE BEEPING)

(BEEPING CONTINUES)

Hey, there's a photograph of this woman in your flat as well.

- Is that Air France? Reservations, please. - A bit of all right.

Who is she, Serg?

Right, erm, what flights do you have to Paris this afternoon, please?

She's an old friend.

Well, I'd like to reserve two first-class seats, please.

I haven't got a passport.

Yes, the names Coward and Robinson.

I still need a passport whichever flight we take.

For God's sake, I'm laying a false trail.

Yes, sure. Er, will Visa do?

Well, what are we doing then?

If you must know, we're going there.

- Still there? - Yep.

They've stopped somewhere in the village.

The labs have just rushed these up.

We're almost certain that second guy is Zilenski.

No kidding.

VICTOR: Looks like we panicked these guys, and they've gone on the run.

So, change of plan. We're gonna make contact now.

What the hell are they doing with a toy monkey?

Perhaps he's the third man.

Why don't we go and ask them?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(KNOCKING CONTINUES)

Sergei.

Sergei, there's someone at the door.

(DOOR OPENING)

(DOOR CREAKING)

(GASPS)

Forgive the intrusion.

We rarely observe the formalities in the village.

Er, Bancroft, David Bancroft.

Dave.

- Er, Albert Robinson. - (CHUCKLES)

Nice piece, that. Used to warm the old Bishop of Oxford's bed.

Oh, aye.

(CLOCK CHIMING)

(SCOFFS) Oh, don't tell me it's the roof again.

Pardon?

Are you here for the thatched roof?

No, no. I... I'm a friend of, erm...

Oh, I'm sorry. I saw the car. Is he around?

He's upstairs.

They're rumbling noises about the bypass again, I'm afraid.

I'm getting up a petition.

Would you care to stick your moniker on it?

Strictly speaking, of course you should be a resident,

but the DOT are hardly playing fair.

Oh, hello, Dave. How are you?

This is Albert Grimsdyke. He used to open the bowling for Eccles.

Up north, like.

- Really? - Mmm.

"Eccles"?

Is that Lancashire League standard?

Er, just about, aye.

I've been asked to skipper the village side again next season.

I'm rather hoping that Thrasher Coward,

will be around a bit more to prop up the middle order.

Any chance that you might be able to pop down with him for the odd fixture?

Oh, I've not played for ages.

I'm afraid we're nothing special,

but old Smudger Smith can still make 'em fizz up off a length.

- (CHUCKLES) - I'd like to see you two in tandem.

Oh, sorry. Urgent message on the car phone.

Come on.

Come on!

(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

Surely, it's quite simple.

We walk up to the front door,

ring the bell and say, "Good morning, we're from the KGB, remember us?"

For Christ's sake, will you let me handle this?

Yes, if you'll get on with it.

(BEEPING)

They're on the move.

IGOR: (ON RADIO) Car 11. They're getting closer.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

(BEEPING)

They've slowed down. Take the next on the right.

(DOG BARKING)

We're right on top of it.

The end house on the right.

Yeah, I got it.

You wait here.

(DEVICE BEEPING)

DAVID: Can I help you at all?

ALBERT: For God's sake, what's going on?

JEREMY: They bugged the car. They can't be far away.

ALBERT: Oh, Christ. JEREMY: All right, relax. I got shot of it.

I bowled them a bit of a googly, actually.

(LAUGHS)

DAVID: But we needed eight off the last over, and it was just the sawbones and me.

VICTOR: Uh-huh. DAVID: But he's well over 60,

and not so nippy on his pins.

(CHUCKLING) You don't say, Dave.

So, er, I just gave it the old heave-ho... (MIMICS BAT WHOOSHING)

- ...and out it popped. - (CHUCKLES)

Yeah. Yeah, they're terrific, aren't they? Until you lose them.

- (BOTH LAUGHING) - Yeah, yeah.

Well, well, well, what do you know? Here it is.

- (CHUCKLING) - Gosh, that's lucky. No, don't it put in.

- Come inside, and we'll give it a rinse. - That's OK. It'll be fine, it'll be fine.

No, honey, I really think you ought to clean it.

He's always losing things. Aren't you, dear?

DAVID: Ah, the 1979 team was a vintage side.

Do you know, it took Chipping Norton 2l11 to beat us.

(LAUGHS) You don't say.

Oh, look, honey.

Isn't that Jeremy?

DAVID: Do you know Jeremy, old Thrasher Coward?

Well, blow me.

Yes, in fact, he's the reason we're here.

He's a very old friend of ours.

Oh, and a good friend to the village, too.

Largely, due to Jeremy, that we still have a roof on the church.

He took the restoration fund and trebled it in some city deal.

Oh, we were in the area.

Thought we'd drop in on old Thrasher and see him,

but we haven't got his address.

Problem solved.

(HORN TOOTS)

(ENGINE STARTING)

(MOUTHING)

You swapped £90,000 worth of precision engineering for this?

Stands to reason. If they bugged your Maserati, they know what it looks like.

I knew it, I knew it.

From the first moment you got in touch, no messing, I should have killed you.

Oh, stop moaning.

It's taxed, it's got six months' MOT, what more do you want?

(METAL CLANKING)

DAVID: In fact, they were put in much later, after Cromwell had knocked it about a bit.

There is, however, one surviving Norman arch round the back.

Er, come on, lots to see. (CHUCKLES)

Right, Dave, thanks.

Now, I really can't let you go without seeing the nave,

quite unique of its period.

I'm sure it is, Dave, but we are most keen to see Jeremy.

I'm sorry, Dave, we're on a bit of a tight schedule,

but this sure is one hell of a historic village.

Erm, indeed,

but one under threat

from the new motorway, I'm afraid.

I wonder, would you care to sign my petition?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

(RADIO PLAYING) ♪ Keep on running ♪

ALBERT: I've never been to Scotland before.

- I'm looking forward to it. - JEREMY: Yeah, so am I.

I had rather hoped I might be up there some time this year.

ALBERT: Give over. I'm throwing them right off the scent.

JEREMY: (SIGHING) Yes. Yes, all right.

Surely, you could have struck a better deal than this.

I mean, a Jag or a Merc or something.

I've never been a speed merchant.

Better to be late in this world than early in the next.

Hey, look. They're going to Scotland.

Let's give them a lift.

JEREMY: Don't be idiotic. ALBERT: It's more camouflage.

JEREMY: Four in this wreck, and we'd never get there,

would we, you clown?

Er, bonny Scotland is it, girls?

No. Glasgow.

Sorry, it's not on our route.

Of course it is. Of course it is.

Hey girls! Girls, come back.

Hop in.

♪ All right

(ENGINE REVVING)

(EXHAUST POPS)

♪ Keep on runnin' ♪

DAVID: As I say, he dashed off in a bit of a hurry,

obviously, not back yet.

VICTOR: Guess you're right, Dave.

GRISHINA: Oh, well, can't be helped.

Many thanks, Dave.

- A pleasure to have met you. - (DAVE LAUGHS)

- Indeed. - I hope to see you another time.

- Any friend of Jeremy's... - Yeah, sure, sure.

- Yeah, well, thanks a lot, Dave. - Yeah, bye.

- (CHUCKLES) - Bye.

DAVID: Bye.

You wasted weeks of painstaking work.

You had them, and you let them go.

You are the professional. What do you suggest we do now?

I suggest that we take a look inside this place.

MAN: Afternoon!

Oh, good afternoon (CHUCKLES)

(CAMERA CLICKS)

(CONTINUES CLICKING)

GIRLS: ♪ You take the high road and I'll take the low road

♪ And I'll be in Scotland afore ye

♪ For me and my true love will never meet again

♪ On the Bonnie, Bonnie banks o' Loch Lomond ♪

Have you any relatives in Scotland, Maurice?

Lookin' at him, I'd say he was related to half the guys in East Kilbride.

(LAUGHS)

Well, holidays aside,

we don't want you three getting up to any monkey business.

(LAUGHING)

♪ She'll be coming round the mountains when she comes

-ALBERT AND GIRLS: ♪ She'll be coming -JEREMY: What are you doing?

♪ Round the mountain when she come comes ♪

I'm popping in to see Sandra's uncle, Percy.

Well, did you think he'd like to come along, too?

I've got to drop Maurice off, you pillock.

♪ When she comes

♪ Singing aye-aye yippie-yippie aye

Join in, you miserable bugger.

♪ Singing aye-aye yippie-yippie aye Yippie-yippie aye

♪ Singing aye-aye yippie Aye-aye yippie

♪ Aye-aye yippie-yippie aye ♪

Nowt wrong with this plug.

Some people have more money than sense.

You will go and see her, won't you?

Aye, if you want me to.

Your Auntie Edie's had an electric blanket and half of a kitchen out of here.

The most important thing to tell her is that if she sees anyone watching the house,

she has to go straight to the police.

Are you sure you know what you're doing, running off, taking up with this crowd?

ALBERT: Yeah, well, it's, er... It's a bit difficult to explain, really.

Come on, Percy, lad, let's get off home.

♪ It's useless to say

♪ So I'll just live my life

♪ In dreams of yesterday ♪

And tell her I love her.

Oh, God!

I forgot to give him Maurice.

That just make the perfect end to a perfect day.

Yeah, Albert George Robinson.

(COUGHS, SNIFFLES)

You'll need to go to St Catherine's House, Kingsway.

I need a copy of his birth certificate, etcetera.

- (CORK POPS) - (MEN LAUGHING)

Men... Bloody, bloody men.

They're all bastards!

All of them.

I'd go a bit easy if I were you.

Jeremy left me such a sweet message on my answer machine.

It's not really him, you see, it's me.

I'm a disaster area. I terrify them.

I tell a man I care for them, and they run a mile.

- Oh, come on, Ali. Bloody hell. - No, it's true.

Charles even left me to become a bloody Jesuit priest.

(LAUGHING)

Well, I don't imagine Jeremy has done that.

No. I bet he's run off to New York. The sod!

Oh. (SIGHS)

Poor Jeremy...

(BELL TOLLING)

(GLASS SHATTERS)

VICTOR: I'll take upstairs.

(DOOR CREAKS)

(METAL CLANKS)

(CLOCK CHIMING)

Fancy some breakfast?

Where's Laurel and Hardy?

In there, polluting the river.

Bacon, eggs, black pudding,

sausages, tomatoes,

fried bread.

Fresh orange juice,

croissants, black coffee, Blue Mountain, freshly ground.

Hmm.

How easy will it be to hire a boat up there, Sergei?

I know some people. I've got the cash. Pas de problème.

What would we do when we get to the island?

I don't know about you, but I shall be going to America.

- It's all right for some, isn't it? - Oh, stop whinging!

If it wasn't for me, you'd be having red cabbage for breakfast.

WOMAN: Bye!

- WOMAN: See you, bye! - They're going.

Christ! Left the money in the car. Jesus!

(SIGHS)

(PANTING)

(ALBERT PANTING)

- Thank God. - You and your bloody money.

Not everyone is on the make, you know.

Ah, they were good lasses.

What it is to be young, eh?

(RADIO PLAYING) ♪ Catch us if you can

♪ Catch us if you can ♪

JEREMY: Shove over, Maurice. There's a good chap.

Still got a long way to go.

We will continue 'round-the-clock surveillance

on his flat and on his office,

but low profile. And I mean low profile.

I also want us to discretely find out in the city,

everything that we can about Jeremy Coward.

OK, get on with it.

Is that all?

(SCOFFS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

We were unlucky.

No, we weren't. We blew it!

Too much of this peace shit. We've lost our edge,

but those guys haven't. After 25 years, they are razor sharp.

We still don't know whether they're loyal or they've been turned.

We don't know what kind of dangerous lunacy they're up to.

We don't know jack shit, Kostov.

God damn, Andrei Zorin.

What the hell was that old screwball up to?

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

(BELL TOLLING)

Igor?

Do you respect me?

(IGOR CHUCKLES)

Yes, of course, very much so.

But do you think I'm obsessive?

Well, er, not really.

Victor thinks I am.

He probably means you make it obvious this operation is very important to you.

But surely it's important to all of us.

Hmm.

But work isn't everything.

What do you mean?

For instance, I'm always asking you out,

but, you never...

Perhaps, you don't respect me.

I do.

I think you're fine.

In that case, I've got tickets for the new Ayckbourn play.

(CHUCKLES)

(EXHALES) But I bet you won't come.

I will. I'll be delighted!

Your call to Moscow on the scrambler is ready, Major.

Oh, well, back to work.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Bloody hell! Slow down, Sergei.

God! There are some arseholes on the roads these days.

(HORN HONKING)

- (TYRES SCREECHING) - (HORN HONKING)

- Oh! - (HORN HONKING)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Dickhead.

ELSIE: All right. I bet he's all right.

He'll be laughing his chuffin' socks off.

Oh, well, he just wanted Sandra to know, like.

He's obviously very worried about her.

"Worried about her"? Don't make me sick!

He's left her with three kids to clothe and feed.

I'll give him worried when I get hold of him.

Did you know this chap he was with?

No, never seen any of them before.

"Them"?

Who else was there?

Yeah, well, they were with a couple of lasses.

What do you mean "lasses," Percy?

Young girls, fancy hairdos, you know,

miniskirts and that.

What did I tell you?

And right tarts, by the sound of it.

Well, at least it looks like we might be getting to the bottom of this.

GEORGE: I think we're finally getting somewhere, sir.

This vicar is a long-time member of the CND, his wife was at Greenham Common,

and he's been stirring up trouble with this local motorway business.

And playwright went up there with a team and spent over an hour with him.

GEORGE: Yes, took three personnel and two cars.

I could have Chekhov and the others slung out for this,

but I'd like to know more about this vicar, George.

No plods smashing indoors this time, though.

Right, sir.

I mean it, George.

I don't want any trouble with the blessed bishops.

Understood, sir.

Oh, and, George?

You're certain that the cousins haven't got a sniff of this one?

I doubt it. Expect they are in the dark, as usual.

- Karl? - RICHFIELD: Sir?

Soviet agents, Grishina and Chekhov arrived in the village

at 13:27 hours.

They seemed to be looking for something.

They spent some time questioning this guy.

But what they were really interested in

was this place.

Now, they were looking through the windows

and they checked out the front and the back.

Sir?

Thank you, Karl.

And thank you Agents Schwartz and O'Reilly for the happy snaps.

Now, the cottage is owned by an Englishman by the name of Jeremy Coward.

He's an executive director of an American investment bank.

So, we have a legitimate interest here.

Karl?

Karl!

Affirmative, sir.

It's becoming clear what the Red's game plan is.

In this new era, they're switching from military to financial

and industrial espionage.

And this guy Coward is obviously a prime target.

All we know is he said he'd phone in and he hasn't.

He's not at any of his regular numbers, and his car phone has been discontinued.

Plus, last night he missed a very important dinner engagement,

concerning his transfer to the New York office.

He was moving to New York?

Yes.

He asked to go.

Look, I'm taking no chances here.

Roger, I want you and Alison to conduct an immediate internal audit

of all his portfolios.

ALBERT: I warned you. It's not a Maserati.

You have to drive a car like this with care, Sergei.

- A Ferrari. - Huh?

It was a bloody Ferrari.

And stop calling me Sergei. My name is Jeremy.

Will you once and for all get that into your fat, stupid head?

I don't call you Vladimir.

If you call me Sergei just one more time,

I'm going to strangle you with my bare hands, all right?

We're not gonna get it fixed like this, are we?

(GOAT BLEATS)

Can we expect the pleasure of your company again soon, Major?

That's a matter for the Directorate.

My orders are to return to Moscow immediately.

Sorry, I'll miss the theatre, Igor.

They want me to make a full report.

You must send me a copy.

Can't wait to read it.

(GOAT BLEATS)

ALBERT: Fantastic.

Bloody fantastic.

Are you sure?

What, you've got nothing for that name and date of birth at all?

Yeah. OK, all right. Thanks.

That's one I owe you.

JEREMY: Oh, we're just here for a couple of days. You know, needed a break.

Aye, well. I expect I'll be seeing you for a couple of drams.

Yeah.

Ugh! I'll just find you a wee box,

and your man here can carry them into the car, Mr Jeremy.

- He thinks I'm your bloody servant. - I really can't imagine why.

Where are the meat pies?

Well, save a crust for me. He'll be back in a minute.

Yeah, all right.

MAN 1: The currents are treacherous out there at this time of year.

MAN 2: We haven't come 12,000 miles to be put off by a little current.

(CHUCKLES) Us McKinleys, we're made of harder stuff than that.

It's not your courage that's in question, it's the risk to the boat.

Our ancestors came from that island. Money is no object.

Oh, well, now. We can't insult your ancestors, can we?

- Be down here at 7:00. - Thanks, mate, see you then.

Well, well, Donald.

How's the trips-around-the-bay business then, eh?

Not exactly a bull market. How are you, you old scumbag?

In the pink. In the pink. Come on, I've got a little proposition for you.

(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

GEORGE: Bugger!

Don't try anything. I've called the fuzz.

Where do you think you're going to, my lovely?

Wait a minute.

- All right, Dave. - Gosh, you were quick.

Lucky for you, we were just passing.

There's been a spate of break-ins tonight.

Just nicked another joker having a go at old Thrasher Coward's place.

(POLICE RADIO CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

GEORGE: Please.

(GEORGE MUTTERING)

(GRUNTS)

KARL: Hi, George.

Ta.

I wasted your time.

I was gonna pop around tomorrow and pay you what I owe you.

It's pretty clear now why you left.

Yeah, maybe. But, er...

The reason I called by is that some rather surprising facts

have come to light.

The orphanage that your husband claimed to have been brought up in,

never even existed.

But it must have done. Are you sure?

I'm positive.

And they can find no record for him at any other orphanage in the whole region.

He's definitely an orphan.

He's got no family at all.

No other relatives whatsoever?

I reckon there's something very odd going on here.

JEREMY: Ironically, I was just beginning to get rather fond of someone

when this lot blew up.

(SIGHS)

- C'est la vie. - Shame.

But that woman in the photo, she meant a lot to you, didn't she?

Maybe.

It was a long time ago.

I don't mean to pry, it's just that I noticed.

Actually, I was thinking of marrying her.

It's all right for you. You've told everyone you were an orphan.

People accepted it.

Jennifer's family was minor aristocracy.

Her potential husband had to have a background.

Breeding...

"What do his people do, Jenny darling?"

"Well, his daddy is awfully big in Siberia,

"and his mother drives a tractor in the Ukraine."

Ah.

Surely, Zorin gave you a good cover.

Oh, yes, first rate.

Not one that would stand up to the scrutiny of the English upper classes.

You know, you're never really accepted

until they know precisely who you went to school with.

No, I had no choice but to end it.

Yeah, but, if you loved each other...

Don't be naive.

Hey...

(COUGHS)

There's a light out there, it keeps flashing.

Oh, it's just one of the boats.

Aye.

You know, in a lot of ways,

I wish I had never been chosen by Zorin,

stayed in Russia.

On the other hand, there would have been no Sandra,

no kids.

(CHUCKLES) They'd love it up here.

Look! Why don't we stay?

They'd never find us here.

We're getting out of here, comrade, and as soon as possible.

(EXHALES)

Fancy another spud?

- Yeah, why not. - Silly question.

(LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS)

(CLICKS)

(CLICKING CONTINUES)