Original subtitles

Forever. Hold on.

Don't rush me.

That took forever.

Hey, did you order the pizza?

You can't do that. You better not let Mom catch you making out

of the house.

Pizza's here.

Hey, go down the driveway and get it for Mom.

A monster?

You're so dumb.

Right? Where's the pizza?

I dropped it. I think you got it.

It's my 20 bucks.

What's going on in here? I heard screaming.

Ellie says she saw a monster outside and ate the pizza, dropped it, and then

lied about it.

What are you doing ordering a pizza?

Birdie, Ellie, get to bed.

You have school tomorrow?

in your college now. You can't be messing around.

But, Mom, Sarah and I have a test tomorrow.

I mean, we have to study tonight.

Is that true, Sarah? You're here to study? Yes, but I definitely don't need

go into that.

Oh, God, I think I'm going to puke.

Okay, you kids don't fool an all -nighter.

Let's do it.

Oh, yeah.

Just like that.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Possibly. Or maybe it's the Loch Ness Monster.

Or a Yeti.

I'm telling you, I saw it last night, and I saw it again tonight.

I nearly walked into it, and it ran away from me.

That is utter baloney.

You were just telling stories.

It's like all those stories you used to tell about your fake boyfriend.

Tell your brother he has penis breasts.

Mike, quit picking on your little sister.

I'm sure it was just a possum or a raccoon or something you saw.

What'd you do to him?

Is it real?

What is it?

It's Ellie's friend.

He's from outer space.

And you made him look like a transsexual.

He likes to play dress -up. What's his name?

I'm Debbie.

Would you like to fuck?

Oh, no.

Ellie's gonna kill you.

Bubble fuck?

He just said my name.

Holy shit.

When he talks, this guy...

Are you an extraterrestrial? An E .T.? You're an E .T.

Phone?

My phone. You make calls.

You want to call home?

Call home?

E .T.

Call home.

Call home, E .T.

We can teach him things.

And did you see his cock?

Huge. And look, he has three testicles.

We should call him E .T.

Extra Testicle.

Aww, Debbie, he's kind of an alien.

Watch this.

Whoa!

Bobby, suck.

Debbie, suck.

Oh, yeah.

Bobby, suck.

Debbie, suck good.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh.

E .T. like this?

Yes. Look at E .T. missing a ball.

E .T.

like sucking?

I told you it was huge.

You like that, don't you, E .T.? Yeah?

Wow.

You want to, E .T.?

I think you want me to, yes?

You want me to set the parking for you?

Yeah, Debbie.

Suck the cock.

Suck that extra, extra testicle. Penis.

Suck that penis from outer space.

Yeah, Jack, my cock too.

Yeah.

Suck the penis.

Suck the cock.

You like that floppy head, ET?

You like that?

Yeah, E .T., you like that?

Debbie sucks good cock.

Yeah, E .T.

Yeah. Let me show you something else.

You want to learn something else, E .T.? Yeah?

All right.

Debbie.

Watch it, E .T.

Squatchy Teeth, you put your big penis right in there.

Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Big alien fuck.

Yeah, fuck me too.

Yeah, fuck me too.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

You like that, E .T.? Yeah.

E .T. likes it. Yeah, E .T. likes it.

E .T., now it's time to phone home.

Phone home, E .T.

Oh, my God.

It's an amazing experience. You're so far in your pussy right now.

It's in my spleen almost.

I'll be coming too.

I want it on my dick.

Oh my God, I'm ready to go.

Ah.

Oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

E .T. does more than just talk.

What are you doing, E

.T.? E .T. call home.

E .T. bone home.

Are you trying to contact your spaceship?

Here, I think I can help you.

not bleeding anymore.

E .T., you deserve a blowjob for that one.

Hey!

What is this mess on the floor?

Nothing.

E .T. needs to get home. I need to get him to the woods.

Tomorrow's Halloween.

You can stay in.

for those monsters at night.

Now you're gonna miss school.

It's okay, Mom. I only have one class today.

I don't want you getting behind.

Stay in bed today.

I'll call to check on you. I have to go to work.

Did you sleep well?

Come on.

That's a dinosaur.

It's called a stegosaur.

It's ancient history. They're not around anymore.

This is a water dinosaur.

You pump water off of some person. You usually pump it through your brother.

This is a T -Rex, also ancient history.

I want

you

to swear that what I'm about to show you, you won't tell anybody.

Nobody. Absolutely nobody.

Fine, Ellie.

I swear I will not tell anybody.

You say I have the ultimate power. Say it.

Ellie, you have the ultimate power.

Take a look at this. It's real.

Holy shit. Ellie, what the fuck is that?

That's the man from the moon.

Where's my...

Shouldn't you be in bed?

I thought you were sick.

Come on, you gotta take college more seriously.

You know, or join the army.

We're

from

here.

Yeah, this will work better.

right here this is where we are this is where we live

We have to keep him safe.

They're coming for him.

Frog, don't worry.

You're free now. Go!

Oh yeah.

Go -go

There's something wrong.

Your sister never doesn't call.

There's something wrong.

Eat some more words. Okay.

E .T.

There's something you have to see.

What?

Oh, my God.

No, no, Mom, Mom. It's okay, O .J. That's E .T. It's Ellie's friend.

Mom, we're sick.

I think we're dying.

Oh, my God, Ellie. Get away from that thing. It's going to get you wavy.

Mom.

It's okay, Mom. Mom, it's okay.

symbiotic relationship.

It's, uh, it's as if they are one.

He's my friend.

What is he, Ellie?

He's my best friend, and he came to me from outer space.

I've been waiting my entire life to see something like him.

You're a very lucky girl, Ellie.

He's dying!

He's dying!

Save him!

So is she. Save him!

He's flatlining.

Save him!

She's in coverage.

Save him!

She's going to be okay.

The palace.

Blood pressure's dropping. Quick.

Come on, guys. I need that two -milliliter. It's allotted.

The good news is, Ellie is going to make it.

Thank you.

that thing, Doctor?

Ellie loved him.

That creature I've been spending my entire life hoping to meet.

A faith man.

He was lucky to have found your daughter.

Would you like to say your last words to E .T., Ellie?

I do.

Go on.

You have a beautiful daughter, ma 'am.

Thank you. You're kind.

But how could she not be with a hot mom like you?

And I know this is totally inappropriate, not the right time, but

doing this weekend? I noticed you didn't have a ring on your finger.

Are you hitting on me, Doctor?

E .T., you are my bestest friend in the whole wide world.

I'm going to miss you so much.

in a much better place right now.

And hopefully one day we'll see each other again.

I love you.

Be quiet, be quiet. We're going to get you out of here.

We've got to get him out of here.

Birdie's downstairs with the bicycles.

But we need to distract him.

Oh, I'll take care of that, kids. Get out of here.

All right, you guys. Let's get him on ice. We've got to get him back to the

institute. I can't wait for this weekend.

You make me so fucking wet. I need your cock in me now.

What?

What? You heard me, you sexy scientist.

Mama needs a bone.

Okay, give me a minute here.

All right, you guys, give me a minute here.

Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm.

Oh, yeah. Just like that. Just like that.

Just like that.

Oh, my goodness.

How big.

Yeah, right there.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Just a second.

Oh, Jesus.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Ew.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Ew.

That's my big ass and a big dick.

You know, doctor?

Yeah. Big dick doctor.

Yes.

Where the hell's the alien?

Where the fuck's the alien?

E .T., buddy, you have a safe trip back home.

You're welcome back anytime.

E .T., thank you.

E .T., like, like.

E .T., thank you for putting my girlfriend with me.

That's what true bros do. You're a true bro.

That'd be good.

E .T., next time, it could be your girl, right?

I'm going

to

be crying too.