Original subtitles

[ CHEERING ]

>> COME ON, LET'S SEE THOSE

HORNS!

LET'S SEE THOSE HORNS!

[ CHEERING ]

WITH DETHKLOK'S HELP AND MY

666-POINT BUSINESS PLAN, WE WILL

MAKE THIS WORLD BETTER.

COME ON!

LET'S SEE A PIT DOWN HERE.

>> Nathan: WHY DO THEY HAVE US

RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ALL THESE

DILDOS?

>> Pickles: YEAH, I MEAN, WE'RE

RIGHT IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY.

>> Skwisgaar: IT'S LIKE THEY'RE

GAWKINGS AT US LIKES A BUNCH OF

FISH THAT CAN'T CLOSE THEIR

EYES.

>> Nathan: LOOK AT THAT GUY.

>> Pickles: LOOK AT THAT DOUCHE.

>> Nathan: LOOK AT THAT DOUCHE

BAG.

>> Skwisgaar: LOOKS AT THAT

DOUCHE BAG.

>> Toki: LOOKS AT THAT DOUCHE

BAG.

>> Skwisgaar: LOOK AT THAT

DOUCHE BAG.

>> Toki: LOOKS AT THAT DOUCHE

BAG. >> Nathan: DOUCHE BAG.

>> Murderface: DOUCHE BAG.

>> All: DOUCHE BAG. DOUCHE BAG.

DOUCHE BAG. DOUCHE BAG. DOUCHE BAG. DOUCHE BAG.

>> Nathan: I'M JUST SO IRRITATED

BY THESE STUPID FANS!

>> Pickles: DUDE, WHAT'S WRONG

WITH YOU?

>> Nathan: IT'S THAT HERE WE

ARE, AGAIN, STUCK WITH EACH

OTHER.

>> Murderface: WE'VE GOT NO

FRIENDS.

>> Nathan: I KNOW, IT'S JUST US.

WE'RE NOT FRIENDS, ARE WE?

>> Skwisgaar: NO.

>> Murderface: OH, GOD, NO.

>> Skwisgaar: FRIENDS, WE CAN'T

TO AFFORDS TO HAVE FRIENDS THIS

DAYS.

>> Toki: THE PRICE FOR FAMES.

>> Nathan: A BUNCH OF CAGED

RATS.

THAT'S WHAT WE ARE, A BUNCH OF

CAGED RATS THAT ARE ALSO

DEATH-METAL MUSICIANS.

>> Murderface: YEAH, WE'RE THE

RATS, AND LOOK WHAT'S ON THE

OTHER SIDE OF THE CAGE.

DOUCHE BAGS.

>> Nathan: YEAH, WHAT IF SOME OF

THESE [BLEEP] STARTS [BLEEP] US?

>> Toki: WHO KNOWS?

WHAT IF WE GET [BLEEP] WITH?

>> Murderface: YOU KNOW, I FEEL

SLIGHTLY, JUST SLIGHTLY BETTER

KNOWING MY SAWED-OFF SHOTGUN IS

LOADED.

OH, I GOT CINNAMON ICING ALL

OVER MY HAND!

>> Charles: WHAT HAPPENED BACK

THERE, HUH? WHAT WAS THAT?

>> Pickles: WE DON'T KNOW.

>> Toki: WE NO MEANS IT.

IT WAS ACCIDENTS. WE'RE NOT AT FAULT.

>> Charles: BLOOD BATH DOESN'T

READ WELL IN PRINT, ALL RIGHT?

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

>> Nathan: WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING

RIGHT!

>> Charles: LOOK, I'VE NOTICED

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN DOWN AND

POUTY LATELY.

AND I DON'T WANT TO PUT YOU IN

HARM'S WAY ANYMORE, SO I'VE

TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF HIRING

DOUBLES TO TAKE OVER FOR YOUR

CELEBRITY APPEARANCES.

DETHKLOK, MEET DETHKLOK.

>> ♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK ♪

♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK ♪

♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK ♪

♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK ♪

♪ TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK ♪

♪ DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK!

DETHKLOK! ♪

♪ I'M...TICKING...FOR...THE...

DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK! ♪

♪ SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF, TALLER

THAN A TREE ♪

♪ TOKI WARTOOTH, NOT A

BUMBLEBEE ♪

♪ WILLIAM MURDERFACE MURDERFACE

MURDERFACE ♪

♪ PICKLES THE DRUMMER ♪

♪ DOODILY DOO, DOODILY DOO ♪

♪ NATHAN EXPLOSION ♪

>> Stampingston: GENTLEMEN, THIS

LATEST DUNCAN HILLS COFFEE STORE

OPENING HAS ENDED IN A MASSACRE.

GENERAL CROZIER?

>> Crozier: MANY INNOCENTS DIED.

NO REPORT OF ANY ATTEMPT ON

DETHKLOK'S LIVES WHATSOEVER.

>> IT MEANS THAT DETHKLOK HAS

GREATLY IMPROVED THEIR SECURITY.

>> Crozier: WHICH IS WHY THEY'VE

EMPLOYED DOUBLES WHO WORK FOR

US.

THESE ARE SOME OF OUR FINEST

SOLDIERS. >> Stampingston: MORE

INTERESTING IS THE UNION BETWEEN

LEONARD PURCELL AND DETHKLOK.

THEY'VE TAKEN THEIR BUSINESS

RELATIONSHIP TO THE NEXT LEVEL

AND STAND TO MONOPOLIZE ALL

COFFEE SHOPS ON THE PLANET.

>> PURCELL HAS PURCHASED THE

ISLAND OF SUMATRA, AND DETHKLOK

WILL MEET HIM THERE AND PERFORM

ON TOP OF A DORMANT VOLCANO.

>> Crozier: OUR DOUBLES WILL GET

CLOSE TO PURCELL AND RETRIEVE

HIS SECRET BUSINESS CONTRACTS,

WHICH WILL NO DOUBT HELP US TO

CONTROL HIS GROWING STRENGTH.

>> Selatcia: BE CAREFUL,

GENERAL.

WE ARE HERE TO OBSERVE.

BE CAREFUL.

>> Murderface: LET ME SEE IF I

UNDERSTAND YOU CORRECTLY.

YOU EXPECT US TO CUT OF OUR

FACES AND THEN SEW THEM ON THESE

REGULAR JACK OFFS AND THEN RESEW

THEM BACK ON OUR OWN FACES FOR

THE TOUR?

YOU'RE A SICK MAN.

>> Charles: NO, NO, THERE WILL

BE NO FACE CUTTING. LOOK AT THEM.

THEY ALREADY LOOK LIKE YOU.

>> Nathan: OH, I THOUGHT THAT

WAS, LIKE, A COINCIDENCE.

THAT IS COINCIDENCE.

>> Charles: LISTEN, GREAT MEN

THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE USED

DOUBLES, MEN WHO NEEDED TO STAY

ALIVE FOR THE GREATER GOOD OF

THE PEOPLE, LIKE YOURSELVES, MEN

LIKE WINSTON CHURCHILL,

JOSEPH STALIN --

>> Nathan: AWESOME!

I'M STALIN. I CALL IT. >> Pickles: I'M NIXON.

>> Skwisgaar: I WANTS TO BE

BILL COSBY.

>> Charles: NO, IT DOESN'T WORK

THAT WAY.

WE GET DOUBLES OF YOU IS WHAT

I'M SAYING. >> Murderface: HOLD ON.

THIS GUY DOES NOT LOOK LIKE ME.

HE'S HIDEOUS. HE'S GROTESQUE.

LOOK AT HIM. >> Charles: ACTUALLY,

MURDERFACE, HE --

>> Murderface: LOOK AT THAT

HEAD, THAT DISGUSTING FOREHEAD,

THAT STUPID-SHAPED HAIR, BEADY

EYES, LIKE, STUPID, FLAT NOSE,

WHITE, HAMMER-ASS, CHICKEN-PLUCK

LEGS IDIOT.

YOU GOT TO GET YOUR EYES

CHECKED, YOU PIECE OF [BLEEP]

THE GUY DOESN'T LOOK LIKE ME!

OH, GOD.

HE LOOKS JUST LIKE ME.

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

>> Charles: UH, LISTEN, I DON'T

THINK IT'S A GREAT IDEA FOR YOU

GUYS TO GET TOO CLOSE TO YOUR

DOUBLES.

>> Skwisgaar: WELL, I GUESS WE

ARE FRIENDS ALL OF THE SUDDENS.

>> Charles: WELL, YOU JUST CAN'T

HAVE THEM AS YOUR FRIENDS.

>> Skwisgaar: OH, HE ADMITS IT,

SEES?

HE IS A TYRANTS. HE ADMITS IT.

>> Charles: DO YOU UNDERSTAND

THE PURPOSE OF HAVING A DOUBLE?

>> Nathan: YEAH, I'LL TAKE THIS

ONE, GUYS.

A DOUBLE IS LIKE HAVING THE BEST

FRIEND YOU'VE EVER HAD IN YOUR

WHOLE LIFE.

A DOUBLE LISTENS TO YOU WHEN NO

ONE IN THIS CRAZY WORLD WILL.

A DOUBLE IS LIKE HAVING A CHILD

AND WATCHING HIM GROW UP AND

FEELING THAT FEELING OF PRIDE

AND UNYIELDING TRUST THAT NO ONE

ELSE CAN --

>> Charles: THEY EXIST SO THAT

IF SOMEONE TRIES TO KILL YOU,

THEY WILL BE KILLED INSTEAD.

>> Nathan: WHOA, WHAT?

I MEAN, JUST THINKING OF THOSE

US AS DEAD, I MEAN, I'M GONNA

CRY.

I MIGHT SERIOUSLY CRY ABOUT

THAT.

>> Charles: THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T

GET EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED,

NATHAN.

>> Nathan: HEY, WHERE MY AMIGO?

>> Crozier: WHAT DO YOU HAVE SO

FAR?

>> SIR, THE BAND DETHKLOK WILL

NOT GIVE US A MOMENT TO

OURSELVES.

ALL THEY WANT TO DO IS PAL

AROUND. [ BANG ]

WAIT, I'VE BEEN SPOTTED.

>> Nathan: HEY, ME, WE DON'T GOT

A LOT OF TIME BEFORE YOU GOT TO

GO!

WE'VE GOT TO GO PAL AROUND!

>> WELL, IT'S A GREAT

DUNCAN HILLS METAL DAY PARADE

HERE TODAY IN PASADENA,

CALIFORNIA.

DETHKLOK LOOKS GREAT.

THEY'RE LOOKING HEALTHY.

THEY'RE FEELING GOOD.

IT'S A GREAT DAY.

BACK TO YOU.

[ DIALING ]

>> Murderface: HEY, WE JUST SAW

YOU ON TV AT THE PARADE!

HEY, WHEN YOU GET BACK, WE'RE

GONNA HAVE A SURPRISE PARTY FOR

YOU.

>> Nathan: GIVE ME THE PHONE.

GIVE ME THE PHONE. GIVE ME THE PHONE.

GIVE ME THE PHONE. GIVE ME THE PHONE!

>> Murderface: HOLD ON!

HERE'S NATHAN. >> Nathan: HI.

WE JUST SAW YOU THE PARADE!

IT WAS GREAT!

>> Murderface: I SAID THAT

ALREADY!

>> Nathan: OH, YEAH, WE'RE

HAVING A PARTY FOR YOU WHEN YOU

COME BACK.

IT'S BE GONNA BE AWESOME!

>> Pickles: ASK THEM IF THEY

WANT CHOCOLATE CAKE.

>> Nathan: I WILL. HOLD ON.

>> Toki: OH, WE'LL GETS THE

BOUNCE HOUSE.

>> Pickles: TELL THEM ABOUT THE

BALLOONS!

>> Nathan: WE'RE GONNA HAVE

BALLOONS!

I GOT TO GO. GOODBYE.

>> Charles: WHAT ARE YOU DOING

ON THE PHONE?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING YOUR

JOBS. >> Murderface: JOBS?

I PLAY BASS NOT TO HAVE A JOB.

>> Charles: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO

BE PREPARING FOR THE CONCERT.

NATHAN...

YOU'RE IN CHARGE HERE.

HOW'S REHEARSAL COMING?

>> Nathan: OH, IT'S, UM...

UH...UH...

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

GOOD.

[ BIRD CHIRPING ]

>> Nathan: YOU EVER THINK OF

JUST, YOU KNOW, GIVING IT ALL

UP? YOU KNOW?

>> Skwisgaar: YOU MEAN, LIKE,

KILLINGS YOURSELF.

>> Nathan: NO. WHAT?

NO, I MEAN, LIKE, STOPPING BEING

BIG, FAMOUS, BECOMING A REGULAR

OLD JACK OFF.

>> Murderface: AND THEN KILL

YOURSELF?

>> Nathan: NO, NO, IT'S STOPPING

BEING FAMOUS -- YEAH, I DON'T

KNOW, YOU CAN KILL YOURSELF IF

YOU WANT TO.

>> Pickles: YOU KNOW, IT WOULD

BE GREAT, YOU KNOW, TO WALK DOWN

THE STREET, NOT BE BOTHERED FOR

ONCE. >> Toki: WALKS WHERE?

>> Pickles: I DON'T KNOW.

WALK DOWN THE STREET. >> Toki: TO WHERE?

>> Pickles: TO, I DON'T KNOW,

WALK TO THE STORE. >> Toki: BUYS IT ON THE

INTERNET. HAVES IT DELIVERED.

>> Pickles: I KNOW I CAN BUY ON

THE INTERNET, BUT WHAT IF I WANT

TO WALK TO THE PARK AND LOOK AT

SOME HENS, YOU KNOW?

>> Toki: WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD

HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU

GOT FAMOUS.

>> Nathan: TOKI'S RIGHT.

>> WE'RE HERE IN SUMATRA, A

NATION BUILT ON COFFEE.

THE SUMATRANS, KNOWN AS A

NERVOUS, EDGY, AND DEHYDRATED

PEOPLE, SEEM TO HAVE A CALM

EXCITEMENT TONIGHT AS THEY

ANTICIPATE DETHKLOK'S

PERFORMANCE ON CONDOR MOUNTAIN,

THE WORLD-FAMOUS DORMANT

VOLCANO, WHERE 10,000 BARISTAS

WILL BE BREWING THE LARGEST CUP

OF COFFEE.

>> Nathan: [ SINGING

INDISTINCTLY ]

>> UGH! >> OW. OH.

>> Crozier: GET IT OPEN AND HACK

THE BRIEFCASE.

WE NEED THOSE CONTRACTS.

>> Nathan: ♪ WE FEAR NO DEATH ♪

♪ WE FEAR NO DEATH ♪

♪ WE FEAR NO DEATH ♪

>> HEY, AWESOME! DETHKLOK!

CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?

AAAAAH!

[ SCREAMING ]

>> I GOT IT!

[ SCREAMS ]

>> WHAT WAS THOUGHT TO BE A

DORMANT VOLCANO ERUPTED AFTER

50,000 GALLONS OF DUNCAN HILLS

COFFEE WAS BREWED INSIDE OF IT.

THOUSANDS OF FANS WERE

INCINERATED.

RUMORS OF DETHKLOK BEING BURNED

ALIVE WERE GREATLY EXAGGERATED,

AS THE BAND ESCAPED UNHARMED.

>> Charles: I'M AFRAID IT'S TIME

TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR DOUBLES.

>> Toki: WHY? THEY STILL ALIVE.

>> Charles: I KNOW THEY ARE.

>> Pickles: THEN WHY DO WE GOT

TO SAY GOODBYE TO THEM?

>> Charles: BECAUSE, PICKLES,

THEY NO LONGER LOOK LIKE YOU.

THAT WAS THE POINT.

THEIR SKIN IS BURNED, THEY DON'T

EVEN HAVE FEATURES.

>> Skwisgaar: WHAT IF WE BURNED

OURSELVES TO LOOKS LIKE THEMS?

THEN MAYBES WE COULDS KEEP THEM.

>> Murderface: THAT WOULD WORK!

YOU KNOW IT WOULD!

COME ON, LET'S BURN OURSELVES!

>> Charles: THAT IS OUT OF THE

QUESTION, MURDERFACE.

>> Murderface: YOU'RE OUT OF THE

QUESTION.

>> Charles: I'M AFRAID IT'S TIME

FOR YOU TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR

DOUBLES NOW.

>> Nathan: LET US DO IT.

IT'S BETTER IF THEY HEAR IT FROM

US, BECAUSE WE'RE THEM, AFTER

ALL.

THANKS FOR COMING, US.

>> Toki: YOU KNOW, THERE'S --

THERE'S NEVER AN EASY WAYS TO DO

THIS.

>> Skwisgaar: BUT, YOU KNOW,

SOMETIMES YOU -- WE'RE OUT OF

OPTIONS SOMETIMES.

>> Pickles: YOU KNOW BUSINESS IS

NOT PERSONAL, AND IN THIS CASE,

IT IS, BECAUSE IT'S US.

YOU'RE US, AND --

>> Nathan: [ SIGHS ]

I HATE HAVING TO SAY THIS.

>> Murderface: LET ME EXPLAIN.

I GOT A LITTLE SMOOTHER WAY OF

EXPLAINING IT, HERE.

GUYS...

IT'S --

YOU SEE, THE THING IS THAT --

[ GUNSHOT ]

[ THUMPS ]