Original subtitles

METALOCALYPSE 119 >> ♪ SHE'S THE DAUGHTER

WHO'S JUST 19 HE'S A DAD

THAT'S WAY TOO MEAN AND IF YOU WANT TO ASK HER OUT

YOU'LL GET RIGHT IN BETWEEN DOODILY DOO

DOODILY DOO AND IF YOU WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN

AND IF YOU WANT TO DO IT RIGHT YOU'LL BE DATING PENELOPE ♪

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

>> NOW, BE NICE TO THIS ONE, DADDY.

I'M SICK OF YOU SCARING ALL MY DATES AWAY.

>> WELL, IF THEY CAN'T STAND THE HEAT, I DON'T WANT 'EM NEAR YOUR

KITCHEN.

>> [LAUGH TRACK] >> I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT

MEANS.

>> WELL, WHAT DOES THIS GUY DO ANYWAY?

>> HE WORKS AT THIS PLACE-- THE MORGUE.

>> WELL, AT LEAST YOUR MOTHER WILL LIKE HIM.

>> WHAT?

>> UM, PEOPLE MUST BE DYING TO WORK WITH HIM.

[DOORBELL RINGS] MORGUE, HUH?

THIS ONE MIGHT NOT SCARE SO EASILY.

>> [CHEERING AND HOOTING] >> DON'T YOU THINK THAT A

DRIVEWAY IS A FUNNY PLACE FOR A DOG TO SLEEP?

>> [LAUGHTER] >> UH, THIS ISN'T YOUR DOG,

IS IT?

>> ♪ DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK

DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK

DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK ♪ >> ♪ DETHKLOK, DETHKLOK

DETHKLOK, DETHKLOK ♪ >> ♪ I'LL

TEACH YOU WHO

ROCK DETHKLOK!

DETHKLOK! ♪ >> ♪ SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF

TALLER THAN A TREE TOKI WARTOOTH

NOT A BUMBLE BEE WILLIAM MURDERFACE

MURDERFACE, MURDERFACE PICKLES THE DRUMMER

DOODILY DOO, DING-DONG DOODILY DOODILY DOO

NATHAN EXPLOSION ♪ >> IT SEEMS THAT DETHKLOK HAVE

DECIDED TO BECOME PROFESSIONAL ACTORS.

GENTLEMEN, OUR RESIDENT ACTING EXPORT DR. CHAZZ

FAZZLEDOPENHOFFER.

DR. CHAZZ?

>> THIS DETHKLOK ACTING BUSINESS CONCERNS ME.

WE'VE GONE TO GREAT LENGTHS TO CONTROL MOVIES AND BLEND THEM

TOGETHER WITH TELEVISION INTO ONE BLAND, LIFELESS FACE THAT

THE HUMANOID PUBLIC CAN NOURISH OFF OF.

>> DO YOU THINK DETHKLOK COULD REALLY HAVE AN IMPACT ON THE

MOVIE INDUSTRY?

>> WHAT DETHKLOK THREATENS TO DO IS AWAKEN THE IMAGINATION

OF THE PUBLIC!

THEY HAVE CHARISMA.

THEY HAVE IT!

THEY HAVE...

ZAZZ.

>> SUPPOSING THEY DO MAKE A SUCCESSFUL MOVIE, WHAT'S THE

WORST-CASE SCENARIO?

>> INDEPENDENT THOUGHT RETURNS, CREATIVE CONTROL GOES BACK TO

THE ARTIST, ACTORS BECOME SMART AND COOL AGAIN, MOVIES BECOME

THOUGHTFUL, ENDINGS BECOME HARD TO FIGURE OUT, PEOPLE GO TO

THEATERS AND...

INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER.

>> AND BECOME ENTIRELY HARDER TO CONTROL.

>> THE DOMINO EFFECT.

>> THE HIGHLY ANTICIPATED "BLOOD OCEAN" STARRING DETHKLOK IS

CURRENTLY IN ITS 13th MONTH OF PRODUCTION.

NO ONE HAS SEEN ANY FOOTAGE, BUT IT PROMISES TO BE ONE OF THE

BIGGEST-BUDGETED MOVIES IN FILM HISTORY.

BEHEMOTH STUDIO HEAD JAMES GRISHNACK WAS QUOTED AS SAYING

"THIS WILL BE A MONUMENTALLY BRUTAL FILM."

NOW, THE PLOT OF "BLOOD OCEAN" IS TIGHTLY UNDER WRAPS, BUT WE

FOUND OUT A COUPLE OF THINGS.

IT'S GONNA HAVE SPACE VIKINGS, SERIAL KILLERS, MURDER, AND IT

WILL HAVE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN SPECIAL EFFECTS.

AND THAT'S THE DETHKLOK MINUTE.

>> SHUT IT OFF!

>> CONGRATULATIONS, MR. GRISHNACK!

>> CONGRATULATIONS?!

FOR WHAT, HAVING BLOWN MORE MONEY ON A MOVIE THAN ANYONE IN

HISTORY?!

A MOVIE FILLED WITH MUMBLING IDIOTS THAT NO ONE CAN

UNDERSTAND?!

AND THEY'RE STILL MAKING IT?!

AND THERE'S NO ENDING?!

>> WELL, LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE: AT LEAST EVERYONE'S HAPPY.

>> HAPPY NOW?

>> I WASN'T TRYING TO BE-- >> GO GET DADDY A DRINK.

GRR!

>> BEFORE WE TAKE OVER AND PILLAGE THE SPACE PLANET

ALFA UDERO 7, WE MUST PRAY TO SPACE ODON--SPACE ODIN.

GO.

YOUR TURN.

>> YEAH.

AND DIE.

AND--BUT YET SPACE ORG ON A ZIP WE ARE MAD AT SERIAL KILLIER.

>> YEAH, I KNOW.

NOW, BUT MAYBE WE'LL FIND YOUR FATHER OUT THERE.

YOU GO.

>> SWELL, SWINGS!

THAT--LOOK AT HIMS FORS A BILLION YEAR.

>> AND CUT.

THAT'S JUST GREAT.

SKWISGAAR, CAN I TALK TO YOU?

>> UH.

>> HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

>> YEAH, CUT, PRINT.

MOVINGS ON.

THAT'S THE ONE.

>> I AGREE, IT WAS GREAT, BUT, UH...

HUH.

WE'RE HAVING A HARD TIME MAKING OUT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

>> LIKE WHAT?!

>> LIKE THE WORDS.

>> AH, I CAN'T SAY THOSE WORDS ANY HARDER THAN I TRIED.

AH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU.

>> WELL, HOW ABOUT THIS, SKWISGAAR, WE'LL MAKE A DEAL.

I'LL DIRECT AS BEST AS I CAN IF YOU SAY THEM WORDS AS BEST AS

YOU CAN REALLY DO IT.

>> I'M AFRAID YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

IF YOU READ OUR CONTRACT, YOU'LL REALIZE THAT YOU CAN'T DIRECT,

NOTE, OR BERATE US BECAUSE IT SICKENS US.

YOU'RE FIRED.

>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

I WASN'T EVEN TRYING TO DIRECT HIM.

I WAS TRYING TO GET HIM TO SPEAK CLEAR, THAT'S ALL.

THAT'S ALL.

>> YEAH.

THAT'S A NO-NO.

YOU KNOW, IN OUR CONTRACT, NO APPROACHING OF ANY OF US, SO...

>> YEAH, YOU KNEW THAT.

>> SO, I'M FIRED?

>> OH, CLASSIC HOLLYWOOD!

NOW MAYBE YOU HANGS YOURSELF!

HA HA!

>> HANG MYSELF?

>> WE'RE TALKING WITH J.F. AMARTH LIVE ON THE SET OF

"BLOOD OCEAN."

J.F., YOU'VE WORKED WITH A LOT OF LEGENDARY ACTORS OVER THE

YEARS.

WHAT'S IT LIKE WORKING WITH DETHKLOK?

>> WELL, WHAT YOU NEED TO REMEMBER IS THAT IN MY DAY,

ACTING WASN'T A GAME...

[TIRES SQUEALING] ...JUST MINCE IN OFF THE STREET

AND PUT ON SOME MAKEUP.

DO YOU MIND?!

>> OH, SORRY, J.F.

NEVER DROVE A FORKLIFT BEFORE.

JUST GOTTA PUT IT IN PARK.

HOLD ON.

THERE.

SORRY.

>> THE MOVIE BUSINESS CHANGED.

IT'S TOO MUCH FOR US-- AAGH!

>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

>> OH, YOU'RE TEARING ME APART!

NO, NO, NO, NO!

LEAVE IT IN!

REALLY!

>> LET ME FIND IT-- >> I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL!

>> WHOA!

>> AAGH!

>> IN A WORLD WITH NO LAWS, THE PLANETS ARE BEING PILLAGED

BY SPACE VIKINGS.

THERE LIES A SECRET TO A SWORDS FATHERS MAKER WHO KNOWS THE

IDENTITY OF A SERIAL KILLER-- >> I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

>> AND THE OIL RIG WHERE THE HAUNTED CRYPT OF

MANINGDALAFALAFAL LIES.

>> NO!

>> AND THE LOVE WHERE IT HAPPENED AT.

>> SPACE ODIN!

>> "BLOOD OCEAN."

>> "BLOOD OCEAN."

COMING SOON.

"BLOOD OCEAN."

>> I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

>> "BLOOD OCEAN."

>> WHOO!

>> THAT'S COOL!

>> WE'RE AMAZING ACTORS!

>> THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

>> DID YOU SEE THAT?!

WE'RE BETTER THAN MEATLOAF!

>> THAT WAS ONLY THE TRAILER!

JUST IMAGINE WHAT THE MOVIE'S LIKE!

>> I CAN'TS WAITS TO SEE US INS THIS MOVIE.

>> I DON'T MEAN TO RAIN ON THE PARADE HERE, BUT--

>> DON'T!

JUST DON'T.

GO AWAY.

CAN'T YOU SEE HOW HAPPY WE ARE?

DON'T RUIN THAT.

>> YOU ARE ALL VERY DRUNK, YES?

>> WELL, YEAH.

>> OF COURSE.

>> [WHIMPERS] >> I'M CONCERNED GRISHNACK--THE

STUDIO HEAD--HAS BEEN DODGING MY PHONE CALLS.

AND IT'S NOT A GOOD SIGN.

SOMETIMES THAT MEANS THAT THE MOVIE IS VERY BAD.

>> YEAH, SO?!

WHO GIVE A CRAPS, EH?!

>> WELL, MOVIES ARE A BIG DEAL, AND A BAD ONE CAN RUIN YOUR

IMAGE.

>> OARS MIMAGE?

>> IMAGE.

OH, WE HAVE A IMAGE.

>> MAGE.

>> IMAGE.

>> IAMAGE.

>> IT MEANS THAT PEOPLE WILL STOP LIKING YOU AND STOP BUYING

YOUR MUSIC.

>> [CHEERING] >> OH, BOY.

>> [CHEERING INTENSIFIES] >> BLOOD.

AN OCEAN OF BLOOD.

I WONDER HOW MANY BLOOD DROPS OF BLOOD THERE ARE IN THIS BLOOD

OCEAN.

I WONDER HOW MUCH IS IT IN A DROP.

I WONDER, HAS--WELL--I...

LET'S JUST SAY THERE ARE APPROXIMATELY...

>> I AM JUST A COP.

A COP WHO HAPPENS TO BE A SERIAL KILLER.

HOW DID I GET HERE IN THIS BLOOD OCEAN?

I GUESS IT ALL STARTED A LONG TIME AGO.

FAR AWAY FROM HERE.

>> MY PLANET IS IN SEARCH OF BLOOD.

IT WOULD HAVE TO BE A WHOLE OCEAN OF BLOOD.

>> WHAT'S THE HELL?

THAT ISN'T HOWS I SOUND.

>> I AM TORN BETWEEN MY EVIL DESIRES AND THE QUEST FOR

JUSTICE IN...

>> SO, TAKE THIS AND MULTIPLY BY VOLUME OF THE WATER IN THE

OCEAN, WHICH IS BLOOD.

BLOOD OCEAN.

AND WATER--I FOUND...

I FOUND IT OUT THAT IT'S TRILLIONS OF GALLONS.

OH, WHAT THE [BLEEP]?

WHAT A PIECE OF [BLEEP].

>> WAS I MORE FAT OR WAS I MORE STUPID LOOKING?

MY GOD.

I'M HIDEOUS.

>> WHOSE WAS THAT'S VOICE?!

>> IT DIDN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!

YOU, DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.

THAT PIECE OF CRAP AIN'T COMING OUT.

>> AW, NOT EVENS ON DV-D?!

>> TOKI, SHUTS UP!

>> SHUT UP!

>> HELLO, BOYS.

HOPE I'M NOT INTERRUPTING ANYTHING.

>> MR. GRISHNACK, THAT MOVIE CANNOT COME OUT.

IT'S CRAP.

>> OH, DON'T BE DRASTIC.

THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

WE JUST HAPPEN TO MAKE ANOTHER-- WHAT YOU CALL IN THIS BUSINESS--

A REAL PIECE OF [BLEEP].

>> SO, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO RELEASE IT?

>> NORMALLY WITH A MOVIE LIKE THIS, I'D JUST--I'D JUST EAT IT

AND IT WOULD DIE.

BUT SINCE IT'S YOU, OH, YEAH, WE'RE GONNA PUT THIS OUT.

AND IT'S GONNA MAKE THE MONEY BACK.

I DON'T CARE IF IT RUIN'S YOUR CAREERS, I'M MAKING MY MONEY

BACK.

IT'S DETHKLOK IN THE MOVIE.

>> THAT'S OUR REPUTATION YOU'RE MESSING WITH, GRISHNACK.

>> ALL RIGHT, DILDOS, LISTEN UP: I'VE BEEN [BLEEP] OVER

FAT-HEAD CELEBRITIES SINCE YOU WERE ALL [BLEEP] IN DIAPERS.

NOW, THIS MOVIE, IT'S A $500 MILLION [BLEEP] SANDWICH,

AND YOU'RE ALL GONNA TAKE A BITE AND YOU'RE ALL GONNA SMILE

'CAUSE YOU LOVE HOW IT TASTES.

GOT IT?!

NOW, YOU GO OUT THERE TO YOUR-- YOUR ADORING PUBLIC.

I WROTE ALL THE REVIEWS.

NO ONE KNOWS WHAT A GOOD MOVIE IS ANYMORE.

JUST SHUT UP AND SMILE.

REMEMBER, [BLEEP] SANDWICH TASTES GREAT.

NOW, GO.

>> [CHEERING] >> SPECTACULAR!

UNBELIEVABLE!

WOW!

WHAT A MOVIE!

>> "BLOOD OCEAN" IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE BEST MOVIE EVER

MADE.

>> [CROWD SCREAMS] >> ♪ BLEED, BLEED, BLEED, BLEED

BLEED, BLEED, BLEED, BLEED BLOOD

OCEAN BLEED, BLEED... ♪

>> HOW FAKE.

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

--www.ncicap.org--] ♪ BLOOD OCEAN

THE LAND'S COAGULATED AND MY MIND'S INCARCERATED

BUT MY HELMET'S VENTILATED WITH THE SOULS CORRELATED

THOUGH MY FATHER'S FASCINATED WITH THE PREMISES NEGATED

AND THE NIGHT WILL BE BERATED WITH THE SOULS OF THE DEFLATED

YOU ARE GONNA LOSE YOUR MIND TONIGHT ♪

>> CHIRP.