Original subtitles

>> [SPEAKING SLURRED GIBBERISH]

>> OH, STUPID COW!

LOVE HER!

>> LOOK, GUYS.

YOU MIND WRAPPING IT UP?

I MEAN, I'VE--YOU KNOW, I'VE

STAYED OPEN AN EXTRA 7 HOURS.

NOT THAT I REALLY MIND, BUT YOU

KNOW--OH, OOH, OOH!

OHH!

OHH!

AAH!

OHH!

>> ASK IS ALL RIGHT TO DRIVE?

>> YEAH. HE'S FINE.

[TIRES SQUEAL]

>> ♪ STANDING UP

YOU HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING?

STANDING STILL

WELL, THE TINY POP STOOD UP

STANDING UP

YOU HEARD THE SONG, Y'ALL

I'M STANDING UP

SITTING DOWN FOR ME

STANDING

STANDING UP, YOU HEARD ♪

[SCREAMING]

OHH, OW, OHH, AAH!

[HORN HONKS]

>> ♪ DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK

DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK

DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK

DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK

DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK ♪

>> ♪ DETHKLOK, DETHKLOK

DETHKLOK, DETHKLOK ♪

>> ♪ I'LL

TEACH YOU

WHO

ROCK

DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK! ♪

>> ♪ SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF

TALLER THAN A TREE

TOKI WARTOOTH

NOT A BUMBLE BEE

WILLIAM MURDERFACE

MURDERFACE, MURDERFACE

PICKLES THE DRUMMER

DOODILY DOO, DING-DONG

DOODILY DOODILY DOO

NATHAN EXPLOSION ♪

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

>> OH. A BASS.

>> YOU KNOW, I FIGURED, YOU

KNOW, YOU PLAY BASS, SO...

>> OH, THANKS.

THANK YOU.

JUST PUT THAT OVER THERE.

>> HEY. I GOT YOUS KEN BURNS'

"CIVIL WAR" DOCUMENTARY, YOU

KNOW.

ACTUALLY, I THINK THIS IS YOURS.

I'M JUST GIVING IT BACK TO YOU.

I, UH, NEVER WATCHED IT.

>> THANK YOU.

>> AND I GOT YOU THIS.

IT'S TWO SIAMESE FIGHTING FISH.

THEY LOVES TO PAL AROUND.

THAT'S WHY YOU GETS TWO.

LOOK.

>> YEAH. I GUESS I'M LUCKY TO

BE ALIVE, HUH?

I MEAN, AM I?

DO I REALLY DESERVE TO BE HERE

RIGHT NOW?

>> OK.

>> AUGH!

I DID THIS TO YOU.

I WAS DRIVING THE MURDERCYCLE.

IT SHOULD BE ME THERE STILL

ALIVE WITH ALL THOSE GIFTS.

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY!

>> AAH!

>> OH, GOD. I'M SORRY!

>> I JUST...

ALMOST DYING MADE ME THINK.

NOT VERY HARD, BUT THERE'S GOT

TO BE SOMETHING OUT THERE

BEYOND THIS LIFE, THIS LIFE AS

WE KNOW IT.

I THINK I NEED TO BECOME

RELIGIOUS.

>> IT SEEMS WILLIAM MURDERFACE

IS EXPLORING RELIGION.

>> THIS IS A DARK-A SIGN.

WE HAVE BEEN FEARING THIS.

>> YES.

WHEN A CELEBRITY DECIDES TO

EMBRACE A RELIGION, THEY CAN

BECOME INCREDIBLY POWERFUL, AND

THEIR FANS CAN BECOME EVEN MORE

PASSIONATE.

>> THIS COULD TURN INTO A MAJOR

INCIDENT!

ALL THE SIGNS ARE THERE.

WE SHOULD IMMOBILIZE THEM.

OUR PEACE IS AT STAKE.

MR. SALACIA, I'M OUTLINING

SEVERAL PLANS--

>> YOU ARE WORKING FOR ME,

GENERAL, AND YOUR JOB IS TO

COLLECT INFORMATION, CLUES,

NOTHING ELSE.

>> THIS IS ABSURD!

>> THAT IS ENOUGH, GENERAL.

I WILL NOT BE CHALLENGED BY YOU.

>> SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE?

>> VERY LITTLE.

I'M SUSPICIOUS.

HIS BACKGROUND IS MURKY, HE'S

HARD TO TRACK.

HE'S LIKE A GHOST.

>> HE KEEPS APPEARING IN MY

DREAMS.

HE SPEAKS TO ME IN AN ANCIENT

LANGUAGE THAT I DON'T

UNDERSTAND, BUT I THINK HE IS

TELLING ME THAT I AM GOING TO

DIE.

>> I DON'T TRUST HIM, AND I

DON'T THINK YOU TRUST HIM

EITHER, AND I'D LIKE TO KNOW

THAT I HAVE AN ALLY IN YOU AND

THE CHURCH SHOULD THIS

OPERATION BLOW OUT OF CONTROL.

>> YES, YOU DO.

>> ♪ MMM

RELIGIOOONNN

RELIGIOOOONNN

MMM

RELIGIOOONNN ♪

>> THIS IS DILDOS.

DOESN'T HE KNOW THERE'S NO SUCH

THINGS AS RELIGION?

>> YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T BELIEVE

IN GOD.

THERE IS SUCH THING AS RELIGION.

>> WELL, THEN PROVES IT.

SHOW ME MIRACLES THAT RELIGION

EXISTS.

>> WELL, YOU KNOW, THERE'S THE

BIBLE RIGHT THERE.

>> WELL, MAYBE I REEVALUATE MY

LIFE THEN.

>> GUYS, I NEED TO FIND OUT

WHICH RELIGION WORKS FOR ME,

THE GUY IN HERE, AND I CAN'T DO

IT ALONE.

I NEED YOU TO COME WITH ME.

>> ♪ I'M INVOLVED

IN THE TRUTH MACHINE

GIVE TO THE POOR AND HELPFULLY

TWEENER CRUSADERS

TRUTH INVADERS

STRIKE THE DEVIL WITH MY

GREATER GOAL

DRINK FROM GOD'S CUP

AND THEN CATAPULT

INTO HIS KINGDOM

WE'RE APOSTLES OF FREEDOM

DON'T YOU KNOW IT WAS

A TRUTH MACHINE... ♪

>> OH, COME ON.

I GREW UP IN THE MIDWEST.

I DON'T NEED TO SEE ANOTHER

CHRISTIAN ROCK BAND.

>> LISTEN. I ALMOST KILLED HIM.

HE NEEDS OUR SUPPORT.

JUST GIVE IT A CHANCE.

SEE, IT'S--IT'S NOT SO BAD.

IT'S, UH, FRUNGHOOL.

>> THERE IS NO GOD.

LISTEN TO HIS GUITAR.

UGH!

>> I'M GONNA CHECK OUT THIS

CHRISTIAN ROCK MOSH PIT.

>> YEAH!

ALL RIGHT!

EVERYBODY...

PRAISE THE LORD!

>> OHH!

>> I'VE SEEN ENOUGH.

PRETTY GOOD.

[ORGAN PLAYING]

>> WHAT KIND OF CHURCH IS THIS?

>> THIS IS, UH, THE CHURCH OF

THE ATHEISTS.

>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

>> OH. IT MEANS THAT THEY DON'T

BELIEVE IN, YOU KNOW, UH, GOD.

>> OH. LIKE SKWISGAARD AND TOKI?

>> NO. WE ARE NIHILISTS.

WE DON'T BELIEVE IN ANYTHING.

>> CAN'T A NIHILIST ALSO NOT

BELIEVE IN GOD, TOO?

>> UH, I DON'T KNOW.

>> SHH!

QUIET.

>> O GOD, WHOM WE DO NOT

BELIEVE IN, LET US ALL NOT PRAY

FOR YOU, WHO DOES NOT EXIST IN

ANY RATIONAL REAL--OH, NO!

WE'RE BEING PICKETED BY

AGNOSTICS!

>> AGNOSTICS HONOR THE

POSSIBILITY OF THERE NOT BEING

A GOD.

>> GET THEM!

>> THEY HATE EACH OTHER.

THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME.

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

>> JUST GIVE ME A SIGN.

SHOW ME THE PATH OF

ENLIGHTENMENT, DEAR SWEET

DEMILORD ICON.

>> I DON'T WANTS TO SOUND

HARSH, BUT THIS IS GETTING

WEIRD.

HE'S BEEN THROUGH EVERY

RELIGION.

HE AIN'T DECIDE ON NOTHING.

THIS KIND OF THING COULD REALLY

[GUITAR PLAYS] UP A BAND.

WE MIGHT NEEDS TO KICK HIS ASS

OUT.

>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?

>> BECAUSE HE'S CREEPY.

HE'S ACTING LIKE HE'S [GUITAR

PLAYS] DEMON POSSESSED.

LOOK AT HIM.

>> JA. I AGREE.

IT ALWAYS HAPPENS.

ONE BAND MEMBER, YOU KNOW,

BECOMES RELIGION, AND THE WHOLE

BAND HAS TO CHANGE TO

ACCOMMODATE THE GUY, YOU KNOW.

THE DYNAMIC IS ALL TO BOOM.

MAGIC IS GONE.

IT SUCKS, YOU KNOW, BUT, JA, I

SAY WE KILL HIM.

>> OH. COME ON, YOU DICKS.

HE'S THE BASS PLAYER.

WITHOUT HIM WE'RE NOTHING.

SURE. WE MIX HIS BASS OUT OF

PRETTY MUCH EVERY SONG, BUT WE

NEED HIM.

OK. WE DON'T REALLY NEED HIM,

BUT IT'S MY FAULT HE'S THIS WAY.

I GUESS THAT'S MY POINT.

>> AW, JUST GIVETH ME A SIGN.

[GUITAR PLAYING ON CELL PHONE]

HELLO?

>> GREETINGS, YOU CHILDREN OF

SATAN.

TONIGHT, WE WILL PAY HOMAGE TO

OUR UNDERLORD AND MAKE

SACRIFICES UNTO HIM.

UH, OK.

BUT FIRST A COUPLE OF

ANNOUNCEMENTS.

LAST WEEK, SOME PEOPLE LEFT

SOME TRASH BEHIND, CANDY

WRAPPERS, COFFEE CUPS, AND

EMPTY CHIP BAGS.

UM, OK. THIS IS A CHURCH OF

SATAN.

THIS ISN'T A WASTE PAPER BASKET

C-CAN.

SO IF YOU COULD PLEASE JUST

REMEMBER TO CLEAN UP AFTER

YOURSELVES, AND WE CAN AVOID

HAVING, YOU KNOW, ANTS, WORMS,

RACCOONS.

HAIL SATAN.

>> HAIL SATAN.

>> ALSO, THE NEIGHBOR NEXT DOOR

IS ON A REAL TEAR.

HE WANTS--HE'S TOWING CARS, SO

TRY NOT TO PARK IN FRONT OF HIS

HOUSE BECAUSE YOUR CAR WILL BE

TOWED, AND THAT'S AROUND $300.

$300.

HAIL SATAN.

>> HAIL SATAN.

>> PRAY NOW THE PRAYER OF

REVENGE.

FROM WHOM DO YOU SEEK REVENGE?

>> I SEEK REVENGE ON RACHEL RAY

AND THE "FOOD NETWORKS."

CAN'T YOU MAKE HER EYES FALL

OUT OR SOMETHING?

TITS FALL OFF?

>> SATAN, GRANT THIS MAN THE

GIFT OF REVENGE AGAINST HIS

FOES AT THE "FOOD NETWORK."

>> SERIOUSLY?

>> YES.

>> S-SERIOUSLY?

>> YES.

>> REALLY?

>> YES.

>> THAT'S COOL.

>> AND NOW WE WILL SUMMON THE 4

DEMONS OF THE APOCALYPSE!

MEPHISTOPHELES,

BEEL--BEELZEBUB...

>> UH, EXCUSE ME!

EXCUSE ME!

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE THE

NEAREST BAR IS?

DOES ANYONE KNOW ANY GOOD BARS

AROUND HERE?

YOU'RE KILLING ME.

YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE.

IT'S ALL THE SAME.

IT'S ALL THE SAME.

ALL RELIGIONS ARE A BUNCH OF

BORING CRAP!

DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHERE THERE'S

A GOOD BAR AROUND HERE?

>> OH, STUPID COW.

HA HA HA!

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

--www.ncicap.org--]

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

>> [GROWLING]

>> NO, NO, NO!