Original subtitles

[THRASH METAL PLAYING]

>> ♪ GO FORTH

AND CONQUER

GO FORTH AND DIE

GO FORTH

AND CONQUER

GO FORTH AND DIE

NOW YOU'VE GRADUATED

MIND IS OVERRATED

FLUSHING NETHERWORLD'S--

[BIRDS CAWING]

>> AAGH!

[WHIMPERING]

>> UGH!

UGH!

>> [GRUNTING]

>> AAGH!

[MUZAK PLAYING]

>> HEY, [BLEEP] FACE,

GIVE ME 4 NUMBER 5s!

>> UM...

UH...

UH, SO YOU WANT A 5?

>> NO, RETARD!

I WANT 4 5s!

>> UM...

>> LISTEN, TONTO,

YOU GIVE ME 4 5s,

AND YOU DO IT NOW!

>> YOU--YOU HAVE--

YOU WANT IT UM...

YOU WANT IT...

>> HEY!

WAIT A MINUTE.

AREN'T YOU NATHAN EXPLOSION?

>> YEAH, I GUESS I AM.

>> DIDN'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO

FALL BACK ON AFTER YOUR BAND WAS

KILLED BY BLACK BIRDS?

>> HUH.

NO.

I NEVER GRADUATED FROM HIGH

SCHOOL, SO--

>> HE'S A COMPLETE IDIOT.

CAN HARDLY FUNCTION.

HE'S SO STUPID.

>> YEAH.

I AM STUPID.

WAIT--I AM?

>> OH, WELL.

THAT'S JUST TOO BAD.

OH, [BLEEP]!

LOOK OUT!

>> OW!

OH, KETCHUP!

>> OH, NO!

NOW YOU GOTTA GO WASH YOUR FACE.

>> OH.

FACE.

YEAH, RIGHT.

AAGH!

>> THAT'S THE DEEP FRYER,

YOU IDIOT!

>> HA HA HA HA!

YOUR FACE BURNED!

>> HA HA HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA!

>> [SCREAMING]

>> [LAUGHTER]

>> [SCREAMING]

>> ♪ DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK

DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK

DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK

DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK

DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK ♪

>> ♪ DETHKLOK, DETHKLOK

DETHKLOK, DETHKLOK ♪

>> ♪ I'LL

TEACH YOU

WHO

ROCK

DETHKLOK!

DETHKLOK! ♪

>> ♪ SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF

TALLER THAN A TREE

TOKI WARTOOTH

NOT A BUMBLE BEE

WILLIAM MURDERFACE

MURDERFACE, MURDERFACE

PICKLES THE DRUMMER

DOODILY DOO, DING-DONG

DOODILY DOODILY DOO

NATHAN EXPLOSION ♪

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

>> I THINK WE SHOULD ALL

CONGRATULATE WILLIAM--

WHO HAS BEEN INVITED TO BE ON

"CELEBRITY SPELLING BEE."

THAT'S QUITE AN HONOR, WILLIAM.

>> YEAH.

>> DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK

THAT MAYBE YOU'RE ON THAT SHOW

'CAUSE THEY WANT HIGH RATINGS?

>> UM, THAT'S PRETTY CYNICAL,

TOKI.

>> YOU'VE ALSO BEEN INVITED TO

GIVE THE COMMENCEMENT SPEECH AT

HARVARD.

YOU'VE BE GIVING HONORARY

DEGREES.

>> FREE DEGREES?!

I WANT TO BE A FOOT DOCTOR!

>> I WANT TO BE ABLE TO FLY THE

PLANE!

>> YOU CAN'T ACTUALLY USE THOSE

DEGREES.

THEY MEAN NOTHING.

>> WHAT'S THE POINT OF EVEN

GOING?

>> WELL, BECAUSE, PICKLES,

IT'S HARVARD--

>> YAWN!

BIG DEALS.

[DOOR OPENS]

>> SORRY I'M LATE, GUYS.

I UH...

JUST HAD ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE

"I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT" DREAMS

AGAIN, AND, YOU KNOW, I THINK I

MIGHT BE STUPID.

>> HOW CAN YOU BE STUPID?

YOU'RE FAMOUS.

>> THAT IS TRUE.

>> AND YOU'S A BILLIONAIRE.

>> THAT SOUNDS SMART TO ME NO

MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU SLICE

IT.

>> HEY, QUICK!

WHAT'S 6 TIMES...

9--12.

OW!

HEY, WHAT THE [BLEEP]?!

>> HA HA HA!

I GETS PUNCHED FOR LAUGHING?!

>> LAUGHING HURTS MORE.

>> WELL, ALL I KNOW IS THAT

THESE DREAMS AREN'T GONNA STOP

UNTIL I GET MY G.E.D.,

AND THAT'S THAT.

>> I'M GOING TO BE ON

"CELEBRITY SPELLING BEE."

>> OH, HE DIDN'T GRADUATE

FROM HIGH SCHOOL!

>> NATHAN EXPLOSION IS

FURTHERING HIS EDUCATION.

THIS COULD HAVE DEVASTATING

REPERCUSSIONS.

GENERAL CROZIER?

>> NATHAN EXPLOSION DROPPED OUT

OF HIGH SCHOOL.

HE WAS A FAILURE AS A STUDENT,

EXCELLING ONLY IN FROG

DISSECTION AND FOOTBALL.

>> WE'VE CALLED IN AN EXPERT--

DR. NATASHA NESCIANTSKIDOVICH.

SHE RUNS A DETHKLOK THINK-TANK

IN WASHINGTON, D.C., AND

SPECIALIZES IN NATHAN EXPLOSION

STUDIES.

DOCTOR?

>> GENERAL.

AMERICA IS THE DOMINANT FORCE IN

THE WORLD BECAUSE OUR GREAT

PEOPLE ARE DANGEROUS AND STUPID.

NATHAN EXPLOSION IS A HERO TO

THE IGNORANT.

IF HE SEEKS HIGHER EDUCATION,

THEY WILL START TO ACT AS IF

THEY ARE AS GOOD AS ANYONE.

IF THE SECRET GETS OUT THAT THE

WORKING CLASS IS AS SMART AS THE

UPPER CRUST THAT RUNS THE WORLD,

WELL, THE RESULTS WOULD BE

CATASTROPHIC.

>> THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE

EARTH.

>> IS EXPLOSION REALLY THIS MUCH

OF A THREAT?

MY FILE SAID HE DIDN'T EVEN

SPEAK UNTIL HE WAS 5 YEARS OLD.

>> YES.

NATHAN EXPLOSION HAS A SIMILAR

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE TO THAT OF

JOSEPH STALIN.

HE HAS THE POTENTIAL TO

GALVANIZE BILLIONS OF

METAL HEADS WITH HIS MESSAGE

ABOUT THE TRUE PURPOSE OF

BRUTALITY AND METAL.

>> DEAR GOD.

WE CAN ONLY HOPE HE FAILS

THIS G.E.D.

>> I'M GONNA HIT 'EM FIRST WITH

SOMETHING ZAZZY LIKE

"REDEMPTION."

R-E-D-M-P-T-I-O-N.

REDEMPTION.

THEN I'M GONNA HIT 'EM WITH A

REAL THINKER LIKE "CONFUSION."

K-U-N-FUSION.

>> YOU DON'T PICKS YOUR OWN

WORDS!

>> SHH!

>> YOU DON'T PICKS YOUR OWN

WORDS.

>> THEN WHO PICKS 'EM?

>> THE GUY.

>> YEAH, THOSE CELEBRITIES PICK

A LOT OF CRAPPY STUFF, I BET.

I WONDER WHEN THEY'RE GONNA SEND

ME MY SECRET SPELLING WORDS.

I HAVEN'T BEEN REALLY--

>> YOU DON'T KNOW THE WORDS THEY

GIVE YOU.

YOU GOTS TO SPELL 'EM ON THE

SPOT!

>> WHOA.

NOW, THAT'S TOUGH.

>> NO, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

>> OH, HE'S RIGHT, MURDERFACE.

PRETTY SURE THAT'S THE RULES OF

THE GAME.

>> WHOO!

THAT'S GONNA BE ROUGH.

>> HEY, I'M STILL GONNA WIN THAT

THING 'CAUSE I'M A GREAT

SPELLER.

>> SHH!

WAIT!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "5 MINUS X"?

WHAT IS X?

>> OH, SWEETIE, IT'S JUST

ALGEBRA.

>> IT'S STUPID, AND IT'S NOT

EVEN AKICKABLABLE.

>> APPLICABLE.

>> APLIC--

APLICABIBLE?

IT'S STUPID!

SHH!

SORRY!

UGH.

IT'S STUPID.

>> SARA HAS 15 NAILS IN HER NECK

AND 12 THUMBTACKS IN HER EYE.

>> ...GOES ONE MILES AN HOUR.

HE GETS HIT.

THE TRAIN--POW!

COMES AT HIM 200 MILES AN HOUR.

POW!

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

I'VE JUST ALWAYS BEEN AN

UNUSUALLY GREAT SPELLER.

>> OK, SEE, PLAYING SIMULTANEOUS

RHYTHMS--POLYMETERS--IT'S MATH.

SO, LET ME GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE.

REMEMBER "GUTS, PUNCH, BALLS,

THROW UP"?

>> YEAH.

>> REMEMBER THAT?

WHEN WE GOT...

[IMITATES DRUM BEAT]

>> OH, YEAH.

[COPIES DRUM BEAT]

>> YOU KNOW THAT ONE?

>> YEAH, I GET IT.

YEAH, YEAH.

>> THE WORD IS "CONSTRUCTION."

>> OH, THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

CONSTRUCTION...

MEANING TO CONSTRUCT,

THE BUILD, THE ACT OF BUILDING.

C-U-N-S-T-R--

>> OH!

THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

I THINKS CONSTRUCTION IS SPELLED

POSSIBLY A DIFFERENT WAY.

>> DOESN'T MATTER.

I'LL JUST FAKE IT.

I'M A GREAT SPELLER.

WATCH, LOOK.

HERE'S A WORD.

RIGHT?

YOUANDHIOM.

Y-O-U-A-N-D-H-I-O-M.

YOUANDHIOM.

SEE?

I'M A SHOO IN.

>> NO, IT SOUNDS GREAT.

YOUR VOICE SOUNDS, LIKE, ROBUST.

>> BUT IT'S WRONG.

>> HEY, I DON'T CARE HOW WRONG

IT IS.

JUST ADMIT IT.

I'M A GREAT SPELLER

AND IT BURNS YOU.

>> YOU'RE NOT A GREAT SPELLER.

YOU'VE GOT TO SPELL RIGHT TO BE

A SPELLER.

>> SO, IF A GUY HITS A HOME RUN

BUT HE'S FAT, IT'S NOT A HOME

RUN?

IT HAS TO BE PERFECT?

WHAT'S THE POINT?!

>> NO, THAT IS THE POINT!

THAT IS SPELLING!

>> UGH!

THEY CAN'T HELPS IT, TOKI.

NOT EVERYONE GETS THE ADVANTAGE

OF SUPERIOR SCANDINAVIANS

ECOCATION.

>> OK, NAME SOMETHING THAT HAS

NOTHING TO DO WITH GUITAR.

GO.

GO, GO, GO, GO, GO.

>> [STAMMERING]

OH, UM...

AH...

UM...

UH...

UM...

>> I'M READY.

I HAD THAT "I'M LATE FOR CLASS

AND I'M IN MY UNDERWEAR" DREAM,

BUT MY PALMS ARE SWEATY AND I

CAN'T CONCENTRATE.

I CAN'T CONCENTRATE!

>> THAT'S ANXIETY.

A-N-X-I-E-T.

>> OH, YEAH.

HE'S GOT TEST ANXIETY.

>> WAIT!

WHAT'S THAT?

>> THAT'S LIKE EVEN WHEN YOU

KNOW EVERYTHING, YOU FREAKS OUT

AND THEN YOU DON'T REMEMBERS

NOTHING.

>> YEAH, YOU CAN'T REMEMBERS

NOTHING.

>> OH, YOU MUST BE REALLY

NERVOUS.

>> YEAH, I GUESS I AM.

I'M NERVOUS.

I'M A NERVOUS GUY.

>> YOU MUST BE FREAKING OUT.

>> I'M TOTALLY FREAKING OUT.

>> UM, NATHANS,

WHAT DO YOUS DO BEFORE YOU'RE

NERVOUS AT A SHOW?

>> YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DO.

>> YEAH, WHAT--WHAT DO YOU DO?

WHAT'S NATHAN DO?

>> JUST HAVE A LITTLE DRINK.

>> THAT'S IT!

I'LL HAVE A LITTLE DRINK.

>> THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

>> I'M HERE UH,

TO TAKE THE G.B.D.

>> YOU MAY START YOUR TEST...

NOW.

>> [CLAMORING]

>> THE ONLY REASON I HAVE A HIGH

SCHOOL DEGREE IS 'CAUSE A VERY

SPECIAL PRINCIPAL WHO LET ME

JUST PLAY BASS AND DRINK BEER

AND SMOKE DOPE BECAUSE I TOLD

HIM I'D CUT HIS EYES OUT IF HE

DIDN'T LET ME GRADUATE.

>> NATHAN, I HAVE YOU TEST

RESULTS.

>> OH, YOU OPEN IT.

I--I CAN'T STAND THE PRESSURE.

>> LET'S SEE HERE.

OK.

IT'S A...

ZERO.

NO QUESTIONS WERE ANSWERED.

>> OH, DAMN!

SERIOUSLY?!

>> HAVE CAN YOU HAVE NOT KNOWN

THAT?

>> DO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER

THAN ME?

>> I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF WRITING

YOUR HARVARD COMMENCEMENT

SPEECH.

>> THANKS.

>> PLEASE WELCOME NATHAN

EXPLOSION.

>> [CHEERING]

>> HARVARD.

SOLUTIONS.

SOLUTIONS TO YOU.

>> SALUTATIONS.

>> I DON'T NEED THIS STUPID

SPEECH!

YOU THINK YOU'RE SMART, HUH?

THAT YOU CAN COME UP HERE AND

TAKE A PIECE OF THIS, HUH?

ANY OF YOU.

YOU?

YOU?

LISTEN, HARVARD,

I'M A BILLIONAIRE.

AND MOST OF YOU ARE GONNA

GRADUATE AND MOVE BACK IN WITH

YOUR PARENTS.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING

THOUGH: WE HAVE SOMETHING IN

COMMON.

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE--

NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, NO MATTER

WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIVES,

YOU'RE DEAD.

YOU'RE DEAD.

YOU DIE.

YOU'RE GONNA DIE, ALL OF YOU.

DEAD.

YOU, DEAD.

YOU, DEAD.

ALL OF YOU.

YOU, LADY,

YOUR TITS WILL BE EATEN BY

MAGGOTS IN JUST A FEW SHORT

YEARS.

SO, HERE'S MY MESSAGE, MY

MESSAGE TO YOU--VERY SIMPLE

MESSAGE: GO FORTH.

GO FORTH AND DIE.

>> WILLIAM MURDERFACE HAS BEEN

ON THE STAND FOR ABOUT 45

MINUTES.

THE WORD IS "TECHNICALITY" AND

IT'S HIS FIRST WORD OF THE

NIGHT.

IT'S KIND OF AN IRONIC SITUATION

WHEN THE WORD IS "TECHNICALITY"

AND HE IS TECHNICALLY ALREADY

OUT BECAUSE HE USED HIS FIRST

LETTER "P," WHICH IS...

NOT A LETTER IN THE WORD.

AND HE DECIDED TO VERY

CONFIDENTLY SPEAK OUT BEFORE THE

WORD WAS FINISHED BEING SAID.

>> "TECHNICALITY."

P-I-S-S.

[BLEEP] YOU.

>> CHIRP.

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

--www.ncicap.org--]