Original subtitles

[THRASH METAL PLAYING]

[ROARING]

[BELL RINGING]

>> CUT!

CUT!

OH, MY GOD!

EVERYONE GET OUT OF HERE!

>> [SCREAMING]

>> OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD--

AAGH!

>> AAGH!

>> OH!

THIS THING SQUISHED MY BALL.

>> [SCREAMING]

>> EEE!

I MIGHT THROW UP.

>> ♪ DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK

DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK

DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK

DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK

DO ANYTHING FOR DETHKLOK ♪

>> ♪ DETHKLOK, DETHKLOK

DETHKLOK, DETHKLOK ♪

>> ♪ I'LL

TEACH YOU

WHO

ROCK

DETHKLOK!

DETHKLOK! ♪

>> ♪ SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF

TALLER THAN A TREE

TOKI WARTOOTH

NOT A BUMBLE BEE

WILLIAM MURDERFACE

MURDERFACE, MURDERFACE

PICKLES THE DRUMMER

DOODILY DOO, DING-DONG

DOODILY DOODILY DOO

NATHAN EXPLOSION ♪

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

>> HEY, WHO THAT GUY WITH THE

GUITAR?

>> OH.

THAT'S SERGIO PAMPINGHEISER.

HE'S FANTASTIC.

>> THIS FINE INSTRUMENT HAS A

HAND-CRAFTED PLASTIFIED CORE

THAT YOU CAN ACTUALLY STAND ON.

>> WOW!

I LITERALLY CANNOT BELIEVE IT.

IS THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENING?

>> HEY, THAT GUY'S A

MULTI-MILLIONAIRE FROM SLINGING

THESE CRAPPY GUITARS AND

HALF-ASSED LESSONS.

>> REALLY?

>> IT ISN'T REALLY A CRAPPY

GUITAR, PICKLES.

I MEAN, YOU CAN STAND ON IT.

>> OH, SKWISGAAR!

THAT'S WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING!

MAKES A BILLION DOLLARS ON TV

TEACHING GUITARS!

>> IF I DID, IT WOULDS HAVE TO

BE THE MOST BRUTALIST GUITAR

THINGS ON TV SPECIAL

PAY-FOR-VIEW EVER.

>> SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF IS NOW

PREPARING FOR WHAT PEOPLE ARE

CALLING THE ULTIMATE

PAY-PER-VIEW EVENT OF THE YEAR--

THE SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF ADVANCED

FAST HAND FINGER WIZARD MASTER

CLASS.

>> OH, COOL!

YOUS GOTS A NEW SHIPMENT OF

CUSTOM GUITAR!

>> YEAH, THIS IS SOME DESIGNS

I'M MESSINGS AROUND WITH.

THIS ONE IS A SWISS-ARMY-TAR.

IT'S A GOOD GUITAR FOR A CAMPING

TRIP.

IT'S GOT TOOTHPICK.

>> YEAH, GOOD TONE.

WHAT'S THAT ONE RIGHT THERE?

>> UH, IS JUST AN ANT-FARM-ATAR.

STILL WORKINGS ON IT.

>> NICE.

I'D LIKE TO STAND ON THAT THING.

>> YEAH.

I'D STAND ON THAT.

>> YEAH.

AND THIS IS THE GIBSON

EXCALIBITAR.

YOU KNOW.

AND HERE'S MY GUITAR MADE FROM

THE WOOD OF CHRIST'S CROSS.

>> UH, GET READY FOR A BILLION

E-MAILS.

HERE COMES THE OFFENDED

RELIGIOUS WEIRDOS.

>> WHAT'S OFFENSIVE ABOUT THE

MOST RELIGIOUS INSTRUMENT EVER?

[SOLOING RINGTONE]

AHH!

SORRY, I GOT TO TAKE THIS.

IT'S THE GUYS FROM THE

PAY-PER-VIEW EVENT.

STARTING TO REALLY DRIVE ME

CRAZY!

>> AAAGH!

I WANT AN ENDORSEMENT DEAL!

>> YEAH, ME, TOO!

>> DUDE, YOU GOT LIKE 20

ENDORSEMENT DEALS.

>> IT SEEMS THAT DETHKLOK HAS

GONE BEYOND THE MUSIC WORLD AND

HAS ACQUIRED ENDORSEMENT DEALS.

>> THEY'RE SYSTEMATICALLY

CONQUERING DIFFERENT MARKETS ONE

BY ONE.

>> OUR ENDORSEMENT SPECIALIST

RONALD VON MOMNALDBERG.

>> WHEN CELEBRITIES AS DANGEROUS

AND POPULAR AS DETHKLOK ENDORSE

A PRODUCT, IT THREATENS THE VERY

CORE OF COMMERCE.

FOR EXAMPLE, TOKI WARTOOTH NOW

ENDORSES THE WILLARD WONKY

CANDY HAND CANDY CORPORATION.

AS A RESULT, CHILDHOOD OBESITY

HAS QUADRUPLED.

NATHAN EXPLOSION HAS HIS OWN

BARBEQUE SAUCE KNOWN

AS EXPLOSION SAUCE--

A NORTH CAROLINA STYLE MUSTARDY

BLEND WITH A HINT OF CILANTRO.

I MUST CONFESS, IT TASTES

AMAZING.

WILLIAM MURDERFACE HAS LOANED

HIS NAME TO A HIGH END DOORKNOB

COMPANY KNOWN AS MURDER-KNOBS.

AND, FINALLY, PICKLES IS

ENDORSING PICKLES NICKELS,

THE FIRST-EVER ENDORSEMENT DEAL

WITH MONEY.

>> THIS SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF

ADVANCED FAST HAND FINGER WIZARD

MASTER CLASS PAY-PER-VIEW EVENT

COULD BE INCREDIBLE DESTRUCTIVE

AS WELL.

>> I SHOULD CONFESS,

I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

I BEGAN PLAYING RECENTLY.

>> OK, LET ME EXPLAINS AGAIN

IN PREFECTLY CLEAR ENGLISH, I

WANTS FLIES IN ONS A DRAGONS,

OK?!

HOW MANY TIMES I GOT TO TELL

THIS, PEOPLES?!

>> I KNOW!

THERE ISN'T A DRAGON.

>> I KNOW.

THAT'S WHAT I'M TELLING YOU!

>> BUT THAT'S WHAT I'M TELLING

YOU.

>> SO, GO GET ONE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

GO!

GO GET ONE NOW.

GO, GO.

>> THEY DON'T HAVE THEM.

>> ARE YOU TELLING ME THEY'RE

OUT OF DRAGONS?

>> THEY NEVER HAD DRAGONS.

>> WHO DIDN'T?

>> THE WORLD.

>> GET THIS GUY OUT OF HERE!

FINDS ME A DRAGON!

OK...

PULLS IT TOGETHER.

DON'T LET THE STRESS GET TO YOU.

YOUS ARE THE FASTEST GUITARIST

ALIVE.

THERE'S NO PRESSURE.

OH, GOD!

I CAN'T DO IT.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

HELLO, I AM FINE.

JUST GETTING HIGH.

>> SKWISGAAR, THIS IS YOUR HAND

INSURANCE POLICY.

SHOULD ANYTHING HAPPEN TO YOUR

HANDS, YOU WILL BE REIMBURSED

$10 BILLION.

JUST SIGN HERE.

HERE.

AND JUST SIGN HERE.

>> HERE.

LOOKS LIKE IT'S WON'T STOP.

HOW MANY COPY I GOTS TO SIGN?

>> 10.

ONE POLICY FOR EACH FINGER.

>> OH, YEAH.

THAT MAKES SENSE.

>> AND YOU MUST WEAR THESE

PROTECTIVE SOLID CRYSTAL

OXYGENATING HAND AQUARIUMS WHEN

NOT PLAYING OR THE POLICY IS

VOID.

>> THAT SOUNDS WEIRD.

OK.

WHATEVER.

>> WELL...

THAT'S ALL I NEEDED TO DO.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

YOU...

BEEN CRYING, HAVE YOU?

>> NO WAY.

LIKE I SAID, I'M TOTALLY HIGH.

>> OK.

SEE YA.

>> OH, HE'S TOTALLY STRESSED

OUT.

>> HE'S A BASKET CASE.

>> HE'S IN OVER HIS HEAD.

>> YEAH, HE'S STRESSED.

>> HE'S TOTALLY STRESSING OUT.

>> OH, WAIT, HOLD ON.

HERE HE COMES.

>> HEY!

WHAT'S HAPPENING?!

HOW IS THE BIG SHOW COMING

TOGETHER?

>> FINE!

EVERYTHING'S GOING GREAT!

SEE YOU LATER.

>> HEY, WE'VE BEEN TALKING,

SKWISGAAR, AND...

WE THINK THIS WHOLE PRODUCTION

COULD BE A LOT MORE, HMM...

ZIPPY.

IT JUST--IT NEEDS ZAZZ!

AM I--I MEAN, I'M RIGHT TO SAY

THAT, RIGHT?

>> NO, YOU'RE RIGHT TO SAY THAT,

IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, YOU COULD

STAND TO ZAZZ IT UP A LITTLE

BIT.

>> NO OFFENSE, SKWISGAAR,

BUT I GOTTA SAY THIS WHOLE

THING, IT LACKS ZAZZ.

>> WELL PUT.

>> CAN'T YOU JUST PUT IT ON THE

ZAZZ TRAIN TO ZAZZVILLE?

>> YEAH, BECAUSE--NO OFFENSE--

THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO ZAZZ

TO BE FOUND.

NOT HERE, ANYWAY.

NOT IN THESE PARTS.

>> WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO SAY IS

THAT THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF

SHOWS OUT THERE: THOSE WITH AND

THOSE WITHOUT--

>> WILL YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING

"ZAZZ"?

>> ZAZZ.

>> ZAZZ.

>> PLEASE STOP SAYING "ZAZZ."

>> WHY DON'T YOU LET US HELP YOU

OUT?

>> YEAH, WE'LL HELP LIGHTEN THE

LOAD, MAKE IT MORE ZA--OW.

YOU KNOW!

>> UH, NATHAN, IS THIS ALL WE

GOT FOR COSTUMES?

>> YEAH.

>> THIS ISN'T GOOD!

HE CAN'T WEAR NONE OF THIS!

>> YOU DON'T NEED TO FREAK OUT,

TOKI.

>> I JUST WANT IT TO BE GREAT.

MAYBE YOU DON'T, BUT I DO!

>> ALL RIGHT!

ALL RIGHT.

ARE YOU OK?

>> YES, I'M FINE.

>> YOU ARE EATING A LOT OF

CANDY.

>> SO?!

YOU DRINKS A LOT OF BARBEQUE

SAUCE.

>> MAYBE YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH

SUGAR.

>> NO, I HAVEN--

OH!

OH, HOLD ON!

OW!

>> IS THAT A TOOTH?

>> YEAH.

GOT ANY OTHER QUESTIONS?!

I'LL BE RIGHT HERE!

>> YOU'RE TEETH ARE FALLING OUT

BECAUSE OF YOUR FREE CANDY FROM

YOUR FREE ENDORSEMENT DEAL.

>> ARE YOU A DENTIST?

>> NO.

>> WELL, THEN SHUT UP!

OH, BY THE WAY, TEETH GROW BACK!

>> HA HA!

NO, THEY DON'T.

>> YES, THEY DO.

DON'T YOU REMEMBER BEING A

LITTLE KID WHEN YOUR TEETH WOULD

FALL OUT AND GROW BACK AND YOU

WOULD GET THE OLD ONE UNDER THE

PILLOW SO THE ANCIENT NORSE GOD

OTHAR THE TOOTH COLLECTOR GIVE

YOU PICKLES NICKEL?

>> WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET OUT OF

HERE?!

>> FINE.

GOOD-BYE!

>> THAT WAS WEIRD.

WAS THAT YOUR FIRST FIGHT?

>> AAGH!

>> THAT CAME FROM SKWISGAAR'S

DRESSING ROOM!

[CLANG, CLANG]

>> I DON'T KNOW WHATS TO DO.

THIS SOLID CRYSTAL OXENAGATING

HANDS AQUARIUMS WON'T COMES OFF.

>> SKWISGAAR, YOU GOTS TO GETS

ON STAGE SOON!

>> OH, NO!

>> BREAK THEM TOGETHER--

OVER YOUR HEAD!

BURST THEM!

HURRY!

[CLANG]

IT SOUNDED COOL.

>> WAIT, NO.

I GOT IT.

DO WE HAVE ANY BUTTER?

>> OH, NO!

ALL I GOT IS STUPID DOORKNOBS!

>> DAMN IT!

WHY DIDN'T ANY OF US GET A

BUTTER ENDORSEMENT DEAL?

>> WAIT!

WE COULD TRY MY BARBECUE SAUCE.

>> DO IT!

>> AAGH!

>> YOU'RE FREE!

RUN AWAY, SKWISGAAR!

>> WHY SHOULD HE RUN AWAY?

>> OK.

SOMEBODY PLEASE HANDS ME MY

GUITARS AND A TOWEL.

OH, GOD!

IS THERE CILANTROS IN THIS?

>> YEAH.

WHY?

>> I AM ALLERGIC TO CILANT--

[MUFFLED]

>> SKWISGAAR, YOUR HANDS!

>> MY HANDS ARE TURNING INTO--

I'M TURNING INTO A--

>> OH, WHAT THE [BLEEP] ARE WE

GONNA DO NOW?

[BLEEP]!

>> [CHEERING]

[FANFARE PLAYING]

>> WELL...

ISN'T THIS A NICE SURPRISE--

ME BEING HERE AT THIS INCREDIBLY

ZAZZY EVENT?

>> A FANTASTIC STAR-STUDDED

EVENING...

OF ZAZZ.

>> GOT ANY ROOM FOR ANY MORE

ZAZZ UP HERE?

>> I THINK I HAVE DIABETES.

I GOTTA TAKE A [BLEEP] NAP.

>> LET'S ROLL THE CLIP.

OVER A MILLION BABIES AND LADIES

DIE EVERY HEMI-SECOND.

THAT'S WHY I USE MURDER-KNOBS--

DOORKNOBS FOR A NEW WORLD.

>> [CHEERING]

>> I'M PICKLES THE DRUMMER,

AND OUR COUNTRY IS EXPERIENCING

A HORRIBLE PROBLEM.

NOBODY IS USING NICKELS.

USE NICKELS.

NICKELS IS MONEY, TOO, GUYS.

>> PAID FOR IN NICKELS BY THE

U.S. DEPARTMENT OF TREASURY.

>> I GUESS I'VE ALWAYS HATED

MY FATHER.

EXPLOSION SAUCE CHANGED THAT.

EXPLOSION SAUCE.

IT'S GOOD ON ITS OWN.

>> I'M TOKI.

I SLIPS IN AND OUT OF DIABETIC

COMA.

THEY SHOULD MAKE

INSULIN-FLAVORED CANDY.

WHATEVER.

CANDY.

TASTES LIKE CHICKEN IF CHICKEN

WAS A CANDY.

[FANFARE PLAYS]

>> HE'S THE MIGHTY GOD OF THE AX

HERE TONIGHT TO TEACH THE WORLD

THE ART OF SHREDDING!

SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF!

>> [CHEERING]

>> [MUFFLED] HELLO, EVERYONE...

[GASPS]

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO

THE SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF ADVANCED

HAND FINGER WIZARD MASTER CLASS.

[PLAYING STIFF, MUFFLED LICKS]

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

--www.ncicap.org--]

>> THAT NIGHT, THE MASTER OF THE

GUITAR LITERALLY REINVENTED THE

INSTRUMENT.

[PLAYING STIFFLY]

>> CHIRP.