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DETHTROLL
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>> IDEA FOR SONG--MURDER.
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A GUY GETS MURDERED AND EATEN
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AT AN ALL-YOU-CAN EAT BUFFET.
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>> LAST TIME I WAS IN FINLAND--
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>> YEAH.
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>> LAST TIME I WAS IN FINLAND, I
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MUST HAVE, YOU KNOW, LUCKIED
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ABOUT, HMM, 500 GIRLS.
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>> OH, AND THAT HAPPENS FOREVER.
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YEAH.
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>> BALLSPARK ESTIMATE. WHATEVER.
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>> NOT LIKE IT'S SO HARD.
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YOU'RE IN THE BIGGEST BAND IN
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THE WORLD.
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>> WOMEN HAVE--
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>> HE BRAGS ABOUT EATING
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LOLLIPOPS.
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HE WORKS IN LOLLIPOPS FACTORY.
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>> WOMEN HAVE FELT THE
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ATTRACTION TO ME.
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YOU GOT TO DEAL WITH IT.
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>> OH, I'M DEALING WITH IT,
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BELIEVE ME.
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I'M HOLDING BACK GALLONS OF
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THROW-UP AS WE SPEAK.
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>> DON'T DO ME ANY FAVORS.
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THROW UP ON YOURSELF.
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>> OK. BEFORE WE GO OUT THERE,
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HERE ARE YOUR DETHPHONES.
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THERE YOU GO.
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THERE'S YOURS. HEH HEH.
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>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
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>> DON'T YOU REMEMBER MAKING
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THIS DEAL?
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>> NOPE. WERE WE DRUNK?
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>> YES. YES, YOU WERE.
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>> THIS IS HEAVY.
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IT HURTS MY FACE.
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BOY, I REALLY HATES IT.
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>> WELL, IT'S YOUR DESIGN.
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YOU MAY HAVE BEEN DRUNK, BUT YOU
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MADE A VERY CONVINCING CASE TO
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ME, SO--
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>> ALL RIGHT.
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YOU KNOW WE GET REALLY, REALLY
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EXCITED ABOUT REALLY BAD IDEAS
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WHEN WE DRINK, AND IT'S YOUR JOB
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TO TALK US OUT OF IT, RIGHT?
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>> OH, I TRIED.
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I TRIED VERY HARD, BUT YOU ALL
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THREATENED TO KILL ME, IF YOU
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DON'T REMEMBER.
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>> SO? BIG DEAL.
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THOSE THREATS AREN'T NEW.
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>> HMM? NOTED. ANYWAY, LOOK.
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YOU'RE ON THE BAND PLAN, AND
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WEEKEND MURDER MINUTES START AT
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11 P.M.
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HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
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>> WAIT A MINUTE.
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NIGHTTIME MINUTES START AT
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11 P.M.?
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OH, THAT'S BRUTAL.
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>> WELL, IT'S YOUR IDEA.
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>> WELL, THEY SUCK. I APPROVE.
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>> ALL RIGHT. IT'S TIME, BOYS.
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FINLAND IS EXPECTING OUR APOLOGY
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FOR ALMOST DESTROYING THEIR
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NATION LAST TOUR.
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>> OH, BOY.
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♪ DO ANYTHING FOR METAL
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DO ANYTHING FOR METAL
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DO ANYTHING FOR METAL
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DO ANYTHING FOR METAL
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DO ANYTHING FOR METAL ♪
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>> ♪ DETHKLOK, DETHKLOK
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DETHKLOK, DETHKLOK ♪
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♪ DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK! ♪
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>> ♪ SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF
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TALLER THAN A TREE
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TOKI WARTOOTH
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NOT A BUMBLE BEE
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WILLIAM MURDERFACE
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MURDERFACE, MURDERFACE
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PICKLES THE DRUMMER
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DOODILY DOO, DING-DONG
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DOODILY DOODILY DOO
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NATHAN EXPLOSION ♪
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[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
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TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]
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[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
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CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
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--www.ncicap.org--]
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FINLAND, WE ARE HERE TO, UH,
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APOLOGIZE FOR ALLEGED HAPPENINGS
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DURING--
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DURING--
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DURING, UH...
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READING...HUH.
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HEY, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
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>> YOU'RE TRYING TO READ A
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SPEECH TO PEOPLE.
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>> YEAH. WAIT. HOLD ON.
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YOU KNOW WHAT? I PASS.
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>> WROTE MY OWN SPEECH.
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HEY, FI--
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[GUITAR RIFF PLAYS]
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YEPPO?
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OH, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
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UH-HUH. WELL, WHAT DID HE SAY?
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WHAT DID YOU SAY?
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YOU DID NOT.
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I KNOW. I KNOW. FRIGGIN'--
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>> FRIENDS, WE'RE NOT USED TO
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THE WHOLE APOLOGIZING THING.
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WE'RE NOT PROFESSIONAL
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APOLOGIZERS.
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WE'RE MUSICIANS, SO WE WROTE A
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SONG FOR YOU, A NEW NATIONAL
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ANTHEM.
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WE TOOK THE LYRICS STRAIGHT FROM
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YOUR FINNISH FOLKLORE BOOK OF
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NECRONAMIC SPELLS.
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>> NO!
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>> YOU MAY RECOGNIZE THIS ONE,
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THOUGH IT HASN'T BEEN SUNG FOR A
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FEW THOUSAND YEARS.
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AWAKEN, AWAKEN, MUSTAKRAKISH THE
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LAKE TROLL.
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♪ MUSTAKRAKISH
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MUSTAKRAKISH
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AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN
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TAKE THE LAND THAT MUST BE TAKEN
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AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN
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DEVOUR WORLDS, SMITE FORSAKEN
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RISE UP FROM YOUR
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1,000-YEAR-OLD SLEEP
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BREAK FORTH FROM YOUR GRAVE
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ETERNALLY
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I COMMAND YOU TO RISE
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RISE
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RISE
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RISE
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RISE
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RISE
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RISE
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RISE AND AWAKEN ♪
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>> ...THE ENTIRE SOUTHERN
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SECTION LEFT IN SHAMBLES.
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FINLAND IS REPORTING...
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>> NO WORD FROM DETHKLOK.
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>> ...NIGHT VIGIL WAS GIVEN LAST
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NIGHT IN SALZBURG.
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>> THE SATELLITE FEED HAS...
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>> ...BEEN DESTROYED BY WHAT THE
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LOCALS ARE CALLING THE TROLL...
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>> ...KNOCKING DOWN ALL
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TECHNOLOGICAL DEVICES.
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>> THIS SMALL PIECE OF
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DISTURBING FOOTAGE IS ALL THAT
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WE'VE SEEN SINCE THIS BLACKOUT
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OCCURRED.
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>> GENTLEMEN, IT'S CLEAR THAT
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WE'RE IN A UNIVERSALLY
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PRECARIOUS SITUATION.
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DETHKLOK HAS SUMMONED A TROLL.
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>> THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
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THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS TROLLS.
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>> THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE
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DEAD UNICORNS?
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THIS MAY BE THE FIRST YOU'VE
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SEEN OF THIS, BUT SINCE DETHKLOK
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HAS GAINED MORE POWER, ODD
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EVENTS HAVE COME TO OUR
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ATTENTION.
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LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO DR.
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ARMAND SKAGARAKFREDRIKSHOVEN.
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>> THIS TROLL IS NO MYTH.
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HE IS A BREATHING ENTITY
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BANISHED FROM THIS WORLD
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HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO.
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IT TOOK A MAGNIFICENT FORCE TO
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WAKE HIM.
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DETHKLOK IS MORE POWERFUL THAN
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WE'D EXPECTED.
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>> GOD WILL CRUSH THIS DEMON.
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>> I SHOULD HOPE HE WOULD SOON
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BECAUSE THE MORE YOUR GOD WAITS,
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THE SOONER HE WILL FIND HIMSELF
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JOINED BY MORE ENTITIES WHOSE
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POWER WILL DWARF HIS.
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>> YOU DARE TO CHALLENGE GOD?
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>> YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE TRUE
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DANGER THAT WE'RE IN.
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YOU WOULD DO WELL TO REMAIN
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SILENT.
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>> YOU DARE SHOW--
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>> GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN, PLEASE.
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WE'VE CONTAINED ALL FOOTAGE OF
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THIS TROLL.
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THE REST OF THE WORLD WILL NOT
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KNOW ABOUT IT.
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WE NEED FINLAND SAFE.
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WE NEED THEIR WOOD, THEIR SALT,
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AND THEIR CELL PHONES.
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>> THEN WE SHOULD SEND IN OUR
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MILITARY AND ATTACK.
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>> IT WOULD ONLY UPSET THE
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BEAST.
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>> WE MUST LOOK TO DETHKLOK.
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BE PATIENT.
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>> [ROARING]
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[SIRENS]
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>> OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE HE SAID
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THAT.
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SERIOUSLY?
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>> WELL, IT'S OFFICIAL.
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FINLAND IS BEING DESTROYED BY A
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TROLL THAT YOU SUMMONED.
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>> WELL, I'M NOT SORRY.
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>> HUH. I CAN'T BELIEVE WE
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SUMMONED A TROLL.
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WHY DIDN'T WE THINK OF THIS
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EARLIER?
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>> OH, HIGH SCHOOL WOULD'VE BEEN
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AWESOME WITH A BIG PAL LIKE HIM.
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HE COULD'VE CARRIED ME TO
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SCHOOL.
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>> I KNOW.
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>> DUDE, I'M TURNING ON MY
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DETHPHONE, AND I'M HEARING
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MURDERFACE.
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WAIT A MINUTE.
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DID WE JUST GET ONE PHONE LINE
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AND 5 PHONES?
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>> THAT'S BRUTAL.
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>> SO, WAIT.
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WE CAN'T EVEN MAKE ANY OUT
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CALLS?
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DUDE, MURDERFACE, GET OFF THE
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PHONE.
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>> OK. GOOD-BYE.
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>> PLEASE GET OFF THE PHONE.
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>> HOLD ON.
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I JUST GOT TO CHECK MY MESSAGES.
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>> YOU HAVE 67 NEW TELEPHONE
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ANSWERING MACHINE DISTANCE PHONE
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WIRELESS FIDELITY DETHPHONE
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MESSAGES.
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TO HEAR THE MESSAGES, PRESS 1 ON
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THE KEYPAD LOCATED ON THE FRONT
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OF THE PHONE.
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PREPARING TO PLAY ANSWERING
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MACHINE MESSAGE NUMBER ONE.
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AFTER THIS MESSAGE, WELL, IF
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YOU'D LIKE TO SAVE OR DELETE OR
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REPLAY THIS MESSAGE, PLEASE
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LISTEN TO THE DIRECTIONS THAT
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WILL FOLLOW THE MESSAGE...
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>> OH, MAN, THIS THING IS JUST
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DESIGNED TO EAT UP MINUTES.
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IT'S BRUTAL.
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>> ...PLAYS ONE MESSAGE NOW.
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[DIAL TONE]
266
00:06:41,876 --> 00:06:42,543
>> GOD...
267
00:06:42,626 --> 00:06:43,710
[GUITAR FEEDBACK]
268
00:06:43,793 --> 00:06:44,626
>> SO, YOU THINK IT MIGHT BE A
269
00:06:44,710 --> 00:06:45,543
GOOD BUSINESS MOVE TO PUT THAT
270
00:06:45,626 --> 00:06:46,418
TROLL BACK TO SLEEP?
271
00:06:46,501 --> 00:06:47,751
>> PBBBB. I DON'T--
272
00:06:47,835 --> 00:06:48,918
I JUST DON'T SEE THAT HAPPENING,
273
00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:49,960
YOU KNOW?
274
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,043
CRAPPY TROLL KNOCKED OUT THE
275
00:06:51,126 --> 00:06:51,876
DSL.
276
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:52,835
NOW IT TAKES TWO MINUTES TO GET
277
00:06:52,918 --> 00:06:53,793
TO T--
278
00:06:53,876 --> 00:06:54,668
>> OK. I DID NOT WANT TO SAY
279
00:06:54,751 --> 00:06:55,585
ANYTHING, BUT THIS IS AFFECTING
280
00:06:55,668 --> 00:06:56,543
YOUR RECORD SALES.
281
00:06:56,626 --> 00:06:57,876
THERE. I SAID IT.
282
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:58,876
>> DUDE, NICE ONE.
283
00:06:58,960 --> 00:06:59,793
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO,
284
00:06:59,876 --> 00:07:00,585
DEPRESS US?
285
00:07:00,668 --> 00:07:01,335
WELL, IT'S WORKING.
286
00:07:01,418 --> 00:07:02,251
HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
287
00:07:02,335 --> 00:07:03,251
NOW I NEED A DRINK, A DIFFERENT
288
00:07:03,085 --> 00:07:04,168
ONE, NOT THIS ONE, IN A
289
00:07:04,251 --> 00:07:05,001
DIFFERENT PLACE.
290
00:07:05,085 --> 00:07:05,793
>> YEAH.
291
00:07:05,876 --> 00:07:06,668
>> ME, TOO.
292
00:07:06,751 --> 00:07:07,460
>> YEAH. OUT OF HERE.
293
00:07:07,543 --> 00:07:09,126
>> YEAH, A DRINK.
294
00:07:09,210 --> 00:07:10,085
>> [ROARING]
295
00:07:10,168 --> 00:07:12,876
[SIRENS]
296
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,751
>> LOOKS LIKE THAT TROLL KILLED
297
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:16,210
THE POWER EVERYWHERE.
298
00:07:16,293 --> 00:07:17,668
>> WELL, THERE'S ONLY TWO THINGS
299
00:07:17,751 --> 00:07:20,251
TO DO IN A BLACKOUT--GET DRUNK.
300
00:07:20,085 --> 00:07:21,251
ONE THING TO DO.
301
00:07:21,335 --> 00:07:22,376
>> OH, I HATE FINLAND.
302
00:07:22,460 --> 00:07:23,876
I NEED 100 BEERS.
303
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,751
I NEED 100 BEERS EXACTLY.
304
00:07:26,835 --> 00:07:28,376
EXACTLY 100. THANK YOU.
305
00:07:28,460 --> 00:07:29,876
>> WE DON'T SERVE PEOPLE WHO
306
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:31,543
AWAKEN LAKE TROLLS.
307
00:07:31,626 --> 00:07:33,043
>> YOU MUST PLAY A SONG TO PUT
308
00:07:33,126 --> 00:07:34,835
THE TROLL BACK TO SLEEP.
309
00:07:34,918 --> 00:07:36,001
>> HEY, DOUCHE BAG, HOW THE HELL
310
00:07:36,085 --> 00:07:37,085
WE GONNA PLAY WITH NO
311
00:07:37,168 --> 00:07:38,085
ELECTRICALS, HUH?
312
00:07:38,168 --> 00:07:39,043
THINK ABOUT IT.
313
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:42,668
>> COME WITH ME.
314
00:07:42,751 --> 00:07:45,876
>> WHAT ARE THOSE WOOD THINGS,
315
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:47,085
CHAIRS?
316
00:07:47,168 --> 00:07:48,085
>> THEY ARE ACOUSTIC
317
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,585
INSTRUMENTS.
318
00:07:49,668 --> 00:07:51,126
>> WHAT IS ACOUSTIC?
319
00:07:51,210 --> 00:07:52,876
>> OH, YOU MEAN A GRANDPA'S
320
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:53,918
GUITARS?
321
00:07:54,001 --> 00:07:55,126
>> GRANDPA'S GUITARS.
322
00:07:55,210 --> 00:07:57,126
THAT'S FOR PUSSIES AND GRANDPAS.
323
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:58,876
I THINK YOU KNOW IT.
324
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,210
>> IT'S YOUR ONLY CHOICE, I'M
325
00:08:00,293 --> 00:08:01,376
AFRAID.
326
00:08:01,460 --> 00:08:03,126
>> WHOA. THIS IS A TOUGH ONE,
327
00:08:03,210 --> 00:08:04,126
GUYS.
328
00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:05,085
>> PICKLES IS RIGHT.
329
00:08:05,168 --> 00:08:06,210
WE HAVE A TOUGH CHOICE.
330
00:08:06,043 --> 00:08:07,710
PLAYING ACOUSTIC IS TOTALLY LAME
331
00:08:07,793 --> 00:08:09,085
AND NOT METAL, BUT THEN AGAIN,
332
00:08:09,168 --> 00:08:10,793
IF WE DON'T PUT THAT TROLL BACK
333
00:08:10,876 --> 00:08:12,293
TO SLEEP, WE MAY NEVER BE ABLE
334
00:08:12,376 --> 00:08:13,460
TO CHECK OUR E-MAIL WITH
335
00:08:13,543 --> 00:08:15,668
HIGH-SPEED DSL AGAIN.
336
00:08:15,751 --> 00:08:22,835
[ALL PLAYING]
337
00:08:22,918 --> 00:08:23,626
>> WAIT. TOKI, WHY'D YOU STOP
338
00:08:23,710 --> 00:08:24,751
PLAYING?
339
00:08:24,835 --> 00:08:26,418
>> I...HAVE A CONFESSIONS TO
340
00:08:26,501 --> 00:08:28,001
MAKES.
341
00:08:28,085 --> 00:08:29,710
I CAN'T READ MUSIC.
342
00:08:29,793 --> 00:08:31,335
>> DUDE, TOKI CAN'T READ MUSIC.
343
00:08:31,418 --> 00:08:32,460
HA! IT'S A LAUGH.
344
00:08:32,543 --> 00:08:33,793
>> CAN YOU?
345
00:08:33,876 --> 00:08:36,293
>> NO. I HAS MUSIC DYSLESKIA.
346
00:08:36,376 --> 00:08:37,835
YOU KNOW THAT.
347
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:39,585
I DON'T WISH TO TALK ABOUT IT.
348
00:08:39,668 --> 00:08:40,710
>> WAIT. THEN HOW ARE YOU
349
00:08:40,793 --> 00:08:42,043
PLAYING THAT SONG?
350
00:08:42,126 --> 00:08:43,168
>> HONESTLY, I WAS JUST HITTING
351
00:08:43,251 --> 00:08:43,960
ANY NOTE.
352
00:08:44,043 --> 00:08:44,751
>> YEAH. ME, TOO.
353
00:08:44,835 --> 00:08:45,626
THAT'S AN OLD MUSIC SCHOOL
354
00:08:45,710 --> 00:08:46,335
TRICK.
355
00:08:46,418 --> 00:08:47,043
>> SOUNDED PRETTY GOOD.
356
00:08:47,126 --> 00:08:48,043
>> YEAH. I KNOW.
357
00:08:48,126 --> 00:08:48,668
IT SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD.
358
00:08:48,751 --> 00:08:49,418
I THINK WE GOT LUCKY.
359
00:08:49,501 --> 00:08:50,168
>> DUDE, CHECK IT OUT.
360
00:08:50,251 --> 00:08:51,085
THERE'S GUITAR TABLATURE IN THE
361
00:08:51,168 --> 00:08:52,168
BACK OF IT.
362
00:08:52,251 --> 00:08:52,876
>> SO, WHAT, WE JUST PLAY THE
363
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:53,710
SONG AND GO HOME?
364
00:08:53,793 --> 00:08:54,543
>> NO. IT SAYS WE GOT TO GO OUT
365
00:08:54,626 --> 00:08:55,293
TO THE LAKE WHERE HE WOKE FROM.
366
00:08:55,376 --> 00:08:57,376
>> NOT YOU. YOU.
367
00:08:57,460 --> 00:08:59,085
SO, WE JUST PLAY THE SONG AND GO
368
00:08:59,168 --> 00:09:01,210
HOME?
369
00:09:01,043 --> 00:09:03,876
>> UH! UGH!
370
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,876
THIS IS WHERE HE WAS BIRTHED.
371
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:08,710
>> [ROARING]
372
00:09:08,793 --> 00:09:10,001
>> THERE HE IS!
373
00:09:10,085 --> 00:09:11,126
>> YEP. THAT'S DEFINITELY A
374
00:09:11,210 --> 00:09:12,168
TROLL.
375
00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:14,501
>> PLAY, DAMN IT! PLAY!
376
00:09:14,585 --> 00:09:18,418
>> ♪ ARE YOU GETTING SLEEPY
377
00:09:18,501 --> 00:09:22,418
TRANQUILIZED BY THE TUNE? ♪
378
00:09:22,501 --> 00:09:24,210
>> ♪ LITTLE TROLLS
379
00:09:24,043 --> 00:09:26,210
MUST GO TO SLEEP
380
00:09:26,293 --> 00:09:30,460
AND DREAM OF KITTENS, PLEASE ♪
381
00:09:30,543 --> 00:09:33,001
>> ♪ NOW IT'S TIME
382
00:09:33,085 --> 00:09:35,668
TO GO TO SLEEP
383
00:09:35,751 --> 00:09:39,210
COUNT YOUR LITTLE BABY SHEEP ♪
384
00:09:39,293 --> 00:09:40,710
>> DUDE, IT'S WORKING.
385
00:09:40,793 --> 00:09:42,043
[GUITAR RIFF PLAYING]
386
00:09:42,126 --> 00:09:43,210
>> ♪ OH, YOUR EYES ARE HEAVY
387
00:09:43,293 --> 00:09:44,626
'CAUSE IT'S NIGHT-- ♪
388
00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:47,126
[GUITAR RIFF PLAYING]
389
00:09:47,210 --> 00:09:52,751
>> [ROARING]
390
00:09:52,835 --> 00:09:54,043
>> THE GRANDPA'S GUITARS ARE
391
00:09:54,126 --> 00:09:55,960
SMASHED.
392
00:09:56,043 --> 00:10:00,210
>> DUDES, HERE COMES THAT GUY.
393
00:10:00,293 --> 00:10:02,043
>> WAIT. THE PHONES.
394
00:10:02,126 --> 00:10:03,335
USE THE DETHPHONES.
395
00:10:03,418 --> 00:10:11,835
THROW THEM AT THAT GUY.
396
00:10:12,668 --> 00:10:20,876
>> [ROARING]
397
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:23,710
>> IDEA FOR OUR LAST SONG EVER--
398
00:10:23,793 --> 00:10:27,501
KILLED BY A TROLL.
399
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:29,168
>> YOU DID NOT.
400
00:10:29,251 --> 00:10:31,126
WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
401
00:10:31,210 --> 00:10:32,626
I CAN'T--
402
00:10:32,710 --> 00:10:34,376
I JUST LOST A CALL.
403
00:10:34,460 --> 00:10:40,001
I'LL KILL THIS PIECE OF CRAP!
404
00:10:40,085 --> 00:10:48,251
>> [ROARING]
405
00:11:01,085 --> 00:11:02,376
>> METAL.
406
00:11:02,460 --> 00:11:04,585
♪ MUSTAKRAKISH
407
00:11:04,668 --> 00:11:07,001
MUSTAKRAKISH
408
00:11:07,085 --> 00:11:09,460
AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN
409
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:11,876
TAKE THE LAND THAT MUST BE TAKEN
410
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,210
AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN
411
00:11:14,293 --> 00:11:16,835
DEVOUR WORLDS, SMITE FORSAKEN
412
00:11:16,918 --> 00:11:18,168
RISE UP FROM YOUR
413
00:11:18,251 --> 00:11:21,793
1,000-YEAR-OLD SLEEP
414
00:11:21,876 --> 00:11:23,460
BREAK FORTH FROM YOUR GRAVE
415
00:11:23,543 --> 00:11:25,001
ETERNALLY ♪
416
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:26,085
>> CHIRP.
417
00:11:26,168 --> 00:11:27,501
[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
418
00:11:27,585 --> 00:11:31,293
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]
25586
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