Original subtitles

DETHTROLL

>> IDEA FOR SONG--MURDER.

A GUY GETS MURDERED AND EATEN

AT AN ALL-YOU-CAN EAT BUFFET.

>> LAST TIME I WAS IN FINLAND--

>> YEAH.

>> LAST TIME I WAS IN FINLAND, I

MUST HAVE, YOU KNOW, LUCKIED

ABOUT, HMM, 500 GIRLS.

>> OH, AND THAT HAPPENS FOREVER.

YEAH.

>> BALLSPARK ESTIMATE. WHATEVER.

>> NOT LIKE IT'S SO HARD.

YOU'RE IN THE BIGGEST BAND IN

THE WORLD.

>> WOMEN HAVE--

>> HE BRAGS ABOUT EATING

LOLLIPOPS.

HE WORKS IN LOLLIPOPS FACTORY.

>> WOMEN HAVE FELT THE

ATTRACTION TO ME.

YOU GOT TO DEAL WITH IT.

>> OH, I'M DEALING WITH IT,

BELIEVE ME.

I'M HOLDING BACK GALLONS OF

THROW-UP AS WE SPEAK.

>> DON'T DO ME ANY FAVORS.

THROW UP ON YOURSELF.

>> OK. BEFORE WE GO OUT THERE,

HERE ARE YOUR DETHPHONES.

THERE YOU GO.

THERE'S YOURS. HEH HEH.

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

>> DON'T YOU REMEMBER MAKING

THIS DEAL?

>> NOPE. WERE WE DRUNK?

>> YES. YES, YOU WERE.

>> THIS IS HEAVY.

IT HURTS MY FACE.

BOY, I REALLY HATES IT.

>> WELL, IT'S YOUR DESIGN.

YOU MAY HAVE BEEN DRUNK, BUT YOU

MADE A VERY CONVINCING CASE TO

ME, SO--

>> ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW WE GET REALLY, REALLY

EXCITED ABOUT REALLY BAD IDEAS

WHEN WE DRINK, AND IT'S YOUR JOB

TO TALK US OUT OF IT, RIGHT?

>> OH, I TRIED.

I TRIED VERY HARD, BUT YOU ALL

THREATENED TO KILL ME, IF YOU

DON'T REMEMBER.

>> SO? BIG DEAL.

THOSE THREATS AREN'T NEW.

>> HMM? NOTED. ANYWAY, LOOK.

YOU'RE ON THE BAND PLAN, AND

WEEKEND MURDER MINUTES START AT

11 P.M.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

>> WAIT A MINUTE.

NIGHTTIME MINUTES START AT

11 P.M.?

OH, THAT'S BRUTAL.

>> WELL, IT'S YOUR IDEA.

>> WELL, THEY SUCK. I APPROVE.

>> ALL RIGHT. IT'S TIME, BOYS.

FINLAND IS EXPECTING OUR APOLOGY

FOR ALMOST DESTROYING THEIR

NATION LAST TOUR.

>> OH, BOY.

♪ DO ANYTHING FOR METAL

DO ANYTHING FOR METAL

DO ANYTHING FOR METAL

DO ANYTHING FOR METAL

DO ANYTHING FOR METAL ♪

>> ♪ DETHKLOK, DETHKLOK

DETHKLOK, DETHKLOK ♪

♪ DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK! ♪

>> ♪ SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF

TALLER THAN A TREE

TOKI WARTOOTH

NOT A BUMBLE BEE

WILLIAM MURDERFACE

MURDERFACE, MURDERFACE

PICKLES THE DRUMMER

DOODILY DOO, DING-DONG

DOODILY DOODILY DOO

NATHAN EXPLOSION ♪

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

--www.ncicap.org--]

FINLAND, WE ARE HERE TO, UH,

APOLOGIZE FOR ALLEGED HAPPENINGS

DURING--

DURING--

DURING, UH...

READING...HUH.

HEY, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

>> YOU'RE TRYING TO READ A

SPEECH TO PEOPLE.

>> YEAH. WAIT. HOLD ON.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I PASS.

>> WROTE MY OWN SPEECH.

HEY, FI--

[GUITAR RIFF PLAYS]

YEPPO?

OH, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

UH-HUH. WELL, WHAT DID HE SAY?

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

YOU DID NOT.

I KNOW. I KNOW. FRIGGIN'--

>> FRIENDS, WE'RE NOT USED TO

THE WHOLE APOLOGIZING THING.

WE'RE NOT PROFESSIONAL

APOLOGIZERS.

WE'RE MUSICIANS, SO WE WROTE A

SONG FOR YOU, A NEW NATIONAL

ANTHEM.

WE TOOK THE LYRICS STRAIGHT FROM

YOUR FINNISH FOLKLORE BOOK OF

NECRONAMIC SPELLS.

>> NO!

>> YOU MAY RECOGNIZE THIS ONE,

THOUGH IT HASN'T BEEN SUNG FOR A

FEW THOUSAND YEARS.

AWAKEN, AWAKEN, MUSTAKRAKISH THE

LAKE TROLL.

♪ MUSTAKRAKISH

MUSTAKRAKISH

AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN

TAKE THE LAND THAT MUST BE TAKEN

AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN

DEVOUR WORLDS, SMITE FORSAKEN

RISE UP FROM YOUR

1,000-YEAR-OLD SLEEP

BREAK FORTH FROM YOUR GRAVE

ETERNALLY

I COMMAND YOU TO RISE

RISE

RISE

RISE

RISE

RISE

RISE

RISE AND AWAKEN ♪

>> ...THE ENTIRE SOUTHERN

SECTION LEFT IN SHAMBLES.

FINLAND IS REPORTING...

>> NO WORD FROM DETHKLOK.

>> ...NIGHT VIGIL WAS GIVEN LAST

NIGHT IN SALZBURG.

>> THE SATELLITE FEED HAS...

>> ...BEEN DESTROYED BY WHAT THE

LOCALS ARE CALLING THE TROLL...

>> ...KNOCKING DOWN ALL

TECHNOLOGICAL DEVICES.

>> THIS SMALL PIECE OF

DISTURBING FOOTAGE IS ALL THAT

WE'VE SEEN SINCE THIS BLACKOUT

OCCURRED.

>> GENTLEMEN, IT'S CLEAR THAT

WE'RE IN A UNIVERSALLY

PRECARIOUS SITUATION.

DETHKLOK HAS SUMMONED A TROLL.

>> THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS TROLLS.

>> THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE

DEAD UNICORNS?

THIS MAY BE THE FIRST YOU'VE

SEEN OF THIS, BUT SINCE DETHKLOK

HAS GAINED MORE POWER, ODD

EVENTS HAVE COME TO OUR

ATTENTION.

LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO DR.

ARMAND SKAGARAKFREDRIKSHOVEN.

>> THIS TROLL IS NO MYTH.

HE IS A BREATHING ENTITY

BANISHED FROM THIS WORLD

HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO.

IT TOOK A MAGNIFICENT FORCE TO

WAKE HIM.

DETHKLOK IS MORE POWERFUL THAN

WE'D EXPECTED.

>> GOD WILL CRUSH THIS DEMON.

>> I SHOULD HOPE HE WOULD SOON

BECAUSE THE MORE YOUR GOD WAITS,

THE SOONER HE WILL FIND HIMSELF

JOINED BY MORE ENTITIES WHOSE

POWER WILL DWARF HIS.

>> YOU DARE TO CHALLENGE GOD?

>> YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE TRUE

DANGER THAT WE'RE IN.

YOU WOULD DO WELL TO REMAIN

SILENT.

>> YOU DARE SHOW--

>> GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN, PLEASE.

WE'VE CONTAINED ALL FOOTAGE OF

THIS TROLL.

THE REST OF THE WORLD WILL NOT

KNOW ABOUT IT.

WE NEED FINLAND SAFE.

WE NEED THEIR WOOD, THEIR SALT,

AND THEIR CELL PHONES.

>> THEN WE SHOULD SEND IN OUR

MILITARY AND ATTACK.

>> IT WOULD ONLY UPSET THE

BEAST.

>> WE MUST LOOK TO DETHKLOK.

BE PATIENT.

>> [ROARING]

[SIRENS]

>> OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE HE SAID

THAT.

SERIOUSLY?

>> WELL, IT'S OFFICIAL.

FINLAND IS BEING DESTROYED BY A

TROLL THAT YOU SUMMONED.

>> WELL, I'M NOT SORRY.

>> HUH. I CAN'T BELIEVE WE

SUMMONED A TROLL.

WHY DIDN'T WE THINK OF THIS

EARLIER?

>> OH, HIGH SCHOOL WOULD'VE BEEN

AWESOME WITH A BIG PAL LIKE HIM.

HE COULD'VE CARRIED ME TO

SCHOOL.

>> I KNOW.

>> DUDE, I'M TURNING ON MY

DETHPHONE, AND I'M HEARING

MURDERFACE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

DID WE JUST GET ONE PHONE LINE

AND 5 PHONES?

>> THAT'S BRUTAL.

>> SO, WAIT.

WE CAN'T EVEN MAKE ANY OUT

CALLS?

DUDE, MURDERFACE, GET OFF THE

PHONE.

>> OK. GOOD-BYE.

>> PLEASE GET OFF THE PHONE.

>> HOLD ON.

I JUST GOT TO CHECK MY MESSAGES.

>> YOU HAVE 67 NEW TELEPHONE

ANSWERING MACHINE DISTANCE PHONE

WIRELESS FIDELITY DETHPHONE

MESSAGES.

TO HEAR THE MESSAGES, PRESS 1 ON

THE KEYPAD LOCATED ON THE FRONT

OF THE PHONE.

PREPARING TO PLAY ANSWERING

MACHINE MESSAGE NUMBER ONE.

AFTER THIS MESSAGE, WELL, IF

YOU'D LIKE TO SAVE OR DELETE OR

REPLAY THIS MESSAGE, PLEASE

LISTEN TO THE DIRECTIONS THAT

WILL FOLLOW THE MESSAGE...

>> OH, MAN, THIS THING IS JUST

DESIGNED TO EAT UP MINUTES.

IT'S BRUTAL.

>> ...PLAYS ONE MESSAGE NOW.

[DIAL TONE]

>> GOD...

[GUITAR FEEDBACK]

>> SO, YOU THINK IT MIGHT BE A

GOOD BUSINESS MOVE TO PUT THAT

TROLL BACK TO SLEEP?

>> PBBBB. I DON'T--

I JUST DON'T SEE THAT HAPPENING,

YOU KNOW?

CRAPPY TROLL KNOCKED OUT THE

DSL.

NOW IT TAKES TWO MINUTES TO GET

TO T--

>> OK. I DID NOT WANT TO SAY

ANYTHING, BUT THIS IS AFFECTING

YOUR RECORD SALES.

THERE. I SAID IT.

>> DUDE, NICE ONE.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO,

DEPRESS US?

WELL, IT'S WORKING.

HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.

NOW I NEED A DRINK, A DIFFERENT

ONE, NOT THIS ONE, IN A

DIFFERENT PLACE.

>> YEAH.

>> ME, TOO.

>> YEAH. OUT OF HERE.

>> YEAH, A DRINK.

>> [ROARING]

[SIRENS]

>> LOOKS LIKE THAT TROLL KILLED

THE POWER EVERYWHERE.

>> WELL, THERE'S ONLY TWO THINGS

TO DO IN A BLACKOUT--GET DRUNK.

ONE THING TO DO.

>> OH, I HATE FINLAND.

I NEED 100 BEERS.

I NEED 100 BEERS EXACTLY.

EXACTLY 100. THANK YOU.

>> WE DON'T SERVE PEOPLE WHO

AWAKEN LAKE TROLLS.

>> YOU MUST PLAY A SONG TO PUT

THE TROLL BACK TO SLEEP.

>> HEY, DOUCHE BAG, HOW THE HELL

WE GONNA PLAY WITH NO

ELECTRICALS, HUH?

THINK ABOUT IT.

>> COME WITH ME.

>> WHAT ARE THOSE WOOD THINGS,

CHAIRS?

>> THEY ARE ACOUSTIC

INSTRUMENTS.

>> WHAT IS ACOUSTIC?

>> OH, YOU MEAN A GRANDPA'S

GUITARS?

>> GRANDPA'S GUITARS.

THAT'S FOR PUSSIES AND GRANDPAS.

I THINK YOU KNOW IT.

>> IT'S YOUR ONLY CHOICE, I'M

AFRAID.

>> WHOA. THIS IS A TOUGH ONE,

GUYS.

>> PICKLES IS RIGHT.

WE HAVE A TOUGH CHOICE.

PLAYING ACOUSTIC IS TOTALLY LAME

AND NOT METAL, BUT THEN AGAIN,

IF WE DON'T PUT THAT TROLL BACK

TO SLEEP, WE MAY NEVER BE ABLE

TO CHECK OUR E-MAIL WITH

HIGH-SPEED DSL AGAIN.

[ALL PLAYING]

>> WAIT. TOKI, WHY'D YOU STOP

PLAYING?

>> I...HAVE A CONFESSIONS TO

MAKES.

I CAN'T READ MUSIC.

>> DUDE, TOKI CAN'T READ MUSIC.

HA! IT'S A LAUGH.

>> CAN YOU?

>> NO. I HAS MUSIC DYSLESKIA.

YOU KNOW THAT.

I DON'T WISH TO TALK ABOUT IT.

>> WAIT. THEN HOW ARE YOU

PLAYING THAT SONG?

>> HONESTLY, I WAS JUST HITTING

ANY NOTE.

>> YEAH. ME, TOO.

THAT'S AN OLD MUSIC SCHOOL

TRICK.

>> SOUNDED PRETTY GOOD.

>> YEAH. I KNOW.

IT SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD.

I THINK WE GOT LUCKY.

>> DUDE, CHECK IT OUT.

THERE'S GUITAR TABLATURE IN THE

BACK OF IT.

>> SO, WHAT, WE JUST PLAY THE

SONG AND GO HOME?

>> NO. IT SAYS WE GOT TO GO OUT

TO THE LAKE WHERE HE WOKE FROM.

>> NOT YOU. YOU.

SO, WE JUST PLAY THE SONG AND GO

HOME?

>> UH! UGH!

THIS IS WHERE HE WAS BIRTHED.

>> [ROARING]

>> THERE HE IS!

>> YEP. THAT'S DEFINITELY A

TROLL.

>> PLAY, DAMN IT! PLAY!

>> ♪ ARE YOU GETTING SLEEPY

TRANQUILIZED BY THE TUNE? ♪

>> ♪ LITTLE TROLLS

MUST GO TO SLEEP

AND DREAM OF KITTENS, PLEASE ♪

>> ♪ NOW IT'S TIME

TO GO TO SLEEP

COUNT YOUR LITTLE BABY SHEEP ♪

>> DUDE, IT'S WORKING.

[GUITAR RIFF PLAYING]

>> ♪ OH, YOUR EYES ARE HEAVY

'CAUSE IT'S NIGHT-- ♪

[GUITAR RIFF PLAYING]

>> [ROARING]

>> THE GRANDPA'S GUITARS ARE

SMASHED.

>> DUDES, HERE COMES THAT GUY.

>> WAIT. THE PHONES.

USE THE DETHPHONES.

THROW THEM AT THAT GUY.

>> [ROARING]

>> IDEA FOR OUR LAST SONG EVER--

KILLED BY A TROLL.

>> YOU DID NOT.

WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

I CAN'T--

I JUST LOST A CALL.

I'LL KILL THIS PIECE OF CRAP!

>> [ROARING]

>> METAL.

♪ MUSTAKRAKISH

MUSTAKRAKISH

AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN

TAKE THE LAND THAT MUST BE TAKEN

AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN

DEVOUR WORLDS, SMITE FORSAKEN

RISE UP FROM YOUR

1,000-YEAR-OLD SLEEP

BREAK FORTH FROM YOUR GRAVE

ETERNALLY ♪

>> CHIRP.

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]