Original subtitles

hey

hey

now

the game's up lewellyn i arrest you for

the murder of john russell and mary

mcclure

at 150 liberal state liverpool on the

night of january the first 1935.

i have to warn you that you say et

cetera et cetera et cetera

and i brought you for five years for

this

and i may say that this is a moment that

affords me the greatest possible

pleasure

just as i was waiting for the handcuffs

just a minute chief how many elves are

in the wellington

four would you be telling me already got

as far as the welding

i'm gonna get two fingers now mr pip

never passed you out i'm bloated by no

take the blow inspector blow me in no

then throw it caught into the winds i

left on him single-handed

single-handed well go on you're not a

small single-handed don't you

yes but you won't sing behind the chief

i was with you it was as good as being

single-handed

yes but it was me that left on him from

behind

look here whose life story is this well

yours chief

i mean fair's fair after all i've given

you the best years of my life and only

time you've mentioned me up to page 298

was

that time when the bulldog threw a piece

out of my trousers well let's show you

all to advantage didn't it

anyway will it satisfy you ten minutes

later help arrived in the shape of

sergeant bingham

and the saffron gang was finally rounded

up thanks chief

now that you didn't make any difference

well now we come to the last chapter

we'll leave that blank for the moment

but we'll hit it the fifth column

the fifth column that's what i said but

you haven't had anything to do with the

fifth column

no but i'm going to listen to this

the minister of home security today

assure the government that the best

brains in scotland yard

will shortly be engaged to combat the

menace of the fifth column in this

country

yeah my boy expect to hold his next case

yes but

it hasn't even mentioned the chief no

but it says the best brain so that

narrows it down

let's see there's jenkins in yorkshire

brown in ireland that leaves

a learning inspector bloom good morning

still working on the life story for

tidbits icing

i thought of a good title for it

yesterday huh yes

whopping tales of the yard

i'll take that remark with the contempt

it deserves anything else chief

no there's an unsympathetic influence in

the room well i'll just hit up the new

fifth column chapter and then i'll leave

it at that okay

fifth column how does fifth column

figure in the fairy tales

it hasn't yet but it's going to eh

oh and who said you were going to be

assigned to the fifth column case a

little dicky bird

oh i should bring that little biggie

bird's naked why are you because he's

singing the wrong tune

i suppose you think you're going to get

the job eh never mind hornly

anyway how could they waste a man like

you on a job like that why not

well who's going to take care of the

bottle parties well i'd like to clean

those up you know that yeah with the

exception of the one where bingham goes

every night well he hasn't found any

evidence yet no but he's found a nice

little fan dancer who

is that right no it's not

inspector yeah the commissioner won't

show oh

he's got half the army high command with

him has he though

oh well i shouldn't worry blow all men

you all have plenty of time to spare

i'll hand over little joint for you to

clean up

and if you talk to bingham nicely he

might give you her phone number

oh bingo you've been leaving that bit

about the fifth column

later chief

the fact is this petty scrounging has

reached such proportions that is costing

the army thousands a year

what we've got to do is to set an

example if we can catch one or two other

culprits it'll have a solitary effect on

the others

yeah who said rabisa

and a regular lloyd major harvey of the

war respectively how do you do gentlemen

i got a rather unusual case for you

honda the war off is concerned

there were certain army activities which

are proving rather more widespread than

we imagined

now what we thought i think i know what

you mean sir oh

well one reads the papers are the papers

only touch on the fringe of it i'm

afraid

wait but a detective can read between

the lanes i'm glad you appreciate its

importance

as i was telling the commissioner this

is not just a case of a few tins of

strawberry jam

hey there's sort of things going on in

camps all over the country you know i

beg your pardon

these depredations from army stars

scrounging on it scrounging but you can

see the stuff you do with the fifth

column

fifth column whatever put that into your

head inspector blow was assigned to that

case last week

blow as an ex-officer it shouldn't be

difficult for you to get into the run of

things again

are you listening hornley the idea is

that you should join the army

what me yes what at my age after all my

years of

temporarily of course we'll do our best

to see you're comfortable

well it's more than i was last time

still if you're offering me a commission

yep i'm afraid uh that is hardly the

idea by joining the ranks and mixing

with the men

you'd have a better chance contacting

the offenders the rags on come on step

out what's the matter with you

turned out but we're all tied up but

we're not grumbling about it

but i've been carrying these things for

the last six miles

if i claim there was a change all right

we'll have a changeover yeah put the gun

in your right shoulder

that'll leave your left hand free to

carry the other stuff

i'm going to say you're not you've been

put on this job and you're going to

stick it out

what have we done in the case we've been

10 days here marching drilling in dublin

now we've got the show for these

blistered heels and fallen arches

and you'll have to prop up your arches

my leg let's tend a hard day tomorrow

it's kind of hard a field day at 12 mile

march with full pack

followed by a three mile attack over

open country there's some bombing and

bay network

and if we're lucky a band to play his

home debate

i won't do it i won't do it british army

you'll have more than the british army

to answer to don't have to answer to me

few blokes for the sick parade pile in

here

full back

come on now i'm praying joe double up

what's the matter all right i don't

think i feel very well sergeant in fact

i think i'll go sick you can't go sick

now seven o'clock in the morning for

time to go sick

come on maureen run along now you heard

what the day sergeant said

well what's the matter with you it's my

blistering feet sir

i've worn the tread often and when lord

roberts made his historic march to

pandahar

it was a proud verse of this regiment

that not a man fell out

today is the anniversary of that great

event

and in view of the excellent march you

carried out yesterday

i propose to celebrate today

by grinding leave to the whole regiment

till midnight

yes

yes i'm having one for a sick friend

certainly not

you did many of them in here can't say

i've met anyone just wondering there's a

lot of scrunching going on you know

so i hear why they don't do something

about it beats me perhaps they are

the military police not them they catch

his drunks

found this stuff lit all over the floor

how much is missing

can't say it but it's all new stuff

though only came in yesterday

another issue there that should help

consignment of pants

all sizes tin pilchards who had that

brand before

no yeah what's it gonna do with you yes

what are you doing here anyway

uh the reporter will light you from the

medical office then keep your nose out

of things that don't concern you

count up what's left in those cases and

don't make any mistakes very good sir

blowing sauce right

did you get any team up after we closed

it'll be open again

what about taking the punt and having a

watercress tea with me up there you're

not backward in coming forward aren't

you

what do you see all right then i'll

positive outside

but in one condition what's that would

you let me be my shearer

yes

26 for three to baldy

with love from daisy

i'm digging through the pictures

tomorrow for half day i thought i was a

presbyterian too

my father keeps an eye on yourself i

don't want to hear on life history

while you've been making yourself

ridiculous i've been getting on with the

job and now you can help me

i'm onto something yeah yeah here's some

salvage of stuff that was pinched last

night

if we could find anybody around here

we'll know who knocked it off yes but

they might have come back

innocently well the stuff hasn't been

issued yet now come on step lively

before they come back

now you know what you're looking for

gents underpants large size

filtrates and carbolic soap now you take

this slide okay

i've been through the hot next door but

i drew a blank

it was understood that we were only

pretending to do this yes we understood

in the colonel understood

the soldier makes it a bit slow in the

uptake don't worry about

it but

give us an answer clumsy flat foot

come on there's only eight more

morning still looking for clues eh

i almost said there were no flies on

hornley but oh i take all that back now

what are you doing down here come away

from your clothes and i'll tell you

have you come down here to make trouble

i've come down here to see you too

us you mean you want us to help you with

your case i do

why because there are certain things

only of which you have special knowledge

i never expected you to admit that bro

we knew they'd get into this as soon as

we left

what's your difficulty we're very busy

you know i can appreciate

i can appreciate that well

we discovered that information is being

coded to germany

well nothing unusual in that is the

shortwave transmitter i suppose

yes what is more we've discovered the

code and now all that's missing is the

shortwave transmitter and the blokes who

are running it that's right but

unfortunately they never broadcast from

the same place twice

what do you want us to do consult the

stars for you no no i'm not interested

in your usual methods of solving trying

what i want to know is how they got hold

of a certain piece of information when

there were only half a dozen people in

the know

well and you were two of them yes yes

listen to this

among other interesting items broadcast

to germany last night was this tidbit

two scotland yard men named inspector

hornley and sergeant bingham

are now carrying out secret

investigations at upload camp

what do you mean to say that's been sent

back to germany it has and i want to

know who's been doing the unveiling how

to keep

let's get this straight are you accusing

me of a breach of confidence

i'm not accusing you of anything i'm

just making inquiries well it's most of

the same thing if anybody's been talking

it's certainly not me

well i'll take your word for it and what

about you bam have you been talking in

your sleep

did i take exception to that remark so

do i and what's more object you coming

down here criticizing my staff

i'm not criticizing your stuff it's

beyond criticism i'm asking a simple

question well you had the answer

just because some brass head shoots off

his mouth in his club you try to finish

on bingham

he's worked for me for 15 years and i

know that he's incapable of doing such a

thing

all right i must explore every avenue

will you explore some avenue down white

hallway listen to leave any stones

unturned

okay hello

come on now who did you tell me

and i hear the chief you don't think

that yes i do then come on now how about

it who was it

well this was that wee lassie daisy i

might have guessed it

but she's a nice girl chief they're all

nice girls mata hari was a nice girl

well what did you tell this bird nothing

chief she guessed

don't lie to me but it's true chief she

said that i i looked like a detective

well that's the biggest lie of the lot i

don't mind you're laughing at my expense

but i tell you that

is absolutely innocent but after going

out with you in a punt

well supposing she's innocent she can

still talk no no no

not daisy what is she about me god let

me by the public information bureaus

oh by the way did i hear you say you

were taking out of the picture this

afternoon

it was until you landed me into this

mess well you're still taking her

i'll fix it up with the kernel what do

you mean that i can

what do you want me to do well our

school should pass the glad news onto of

course

oh yeah that'll be very awkward chief

could it be more awkward

is

think

what would the customer say

well didn't kind of

mention it to anybody did you of course

i didn't

what do you get in it nothing lazy i

know you're not deserve to chat out of

it

well somebody's been talking are you

hinting that i've been speaking out of

turn

see you i said somebody well you meant

me

a little order please you've got no

right to go making suggestions like that

let me tell you i've got enough to do in

my job without gossiping yes

yes

innocently i did not turn it up will you

you're not in the ball of the rosen

crown now you know

there you are this is all your

what's going on along here don't blind

me

i assure you there's been none of them

can i help it if my sister becomes

hysterical oh come on

good afternoon miss johnson good

afternoon

i'd like to see mr wilkinson you didn't

make an appointment did you no but one

of my best teeth is aching again

something off

i think you'll find that quite all right

i shouldn't bite on it for a couple of

hours though thank you

miss johnson i don't remember mr wilkins

it's my back tooth again you must look

at it

i see you how would you mind madam i

won't give you one moment

very well please step inside

charles i've laid out your dinner jacket

don't forget you're dining at the club

at eight oh yes i'm going over to

penrith to have dinner with mrs sherwood

we'll probably play boots so i may not

be back for late goodbye my name

don't forget to black out i expect

you'll be in first i don't forget

why have you come here today your next

appointment was tuesday do you want that

girl to suspect

i had to come he's rumbled who that yard

man bingham that i was telling you about

did you pass it on of course well they

found out somehow he questioned me this

afternoon and said someone had been

talking

i'm scared stiff where is he now i left

him in the pictures

you sure he didn't follow you positive

what am i going to do supposing they

come in question

deny everything they have no evidence

and don't come here again

i'll contact you as soon as it blows

over yes now look here pull yourself

together there's nothing to be afraid of

come on

it often aches like that after filling

you know it'll be quite all right

tomorrow believe me

i hope so

now madam if you please thank you come

along yvonne

it's nearly six o'clock have i an

appointment with this gentleman no sir

but he was anxious to wait in the off

chance of seeing you

my bridge work needs overhauling and i

wonder if i'm sorry i'm afraid i can't

manage it now my hours are three to six

and i have an engagement this evening

well uh perhaps i could come back later

i'm sorry my engagement is for the holy

name besides i never see patients out of

ours oh

if that's your attitude i take my

business elsewhere there are plenty of

other dentists in the town

we'll be only too glad to do a little

bridge work after six o'clock

good day to you son

how do you know there's no one at home

you told me had an engagement

there's also a mrs dentist but she's out

playing bridge any servants

one female i went down the back and

checked up

you're not the only one who's a

successful woman i made an appointment

to meet at the palace of donald's

tonight

yeah that's got rid of her sounds a very

mean trick to me

well she was married because her right

that's certainly

let's see what's over here

roll this dress

still don't see why you should suspect

daisy just because you got to think when

you left me

i agree to be a natural emotion what's

her selling

judge johnson and you shot your mouth

off to her yesterday lunchtime

but she couldn't have seen him yesterday

she was on the river with me until five

o'clock

and at 5 30 she visits the dentist look

for yourself

every time she sees you she rushes

straight to the dentist

any number of ways of explaining that

she there's only two i know of

either she's what i think she is all the

way your kiss and knocks their teeth in

yeah she was here twice last week

once the week before three times a week

before that

yes better call whether he sees the

company often two

and mrs crofter there's your daisy again

supposing you're right

you can't prove anything with that book

well we might find something that's safe

to tie up with it

what's safe over there

the twin lock hector easy

cut

so

it's a doorbell

dentist maybe he's forgotten his key why

should he ring

he knows there's nobody at home here

can't see who it is

is your name wilkinson no mine's

blanking sub

oh i want to see mr wilkinson why why

what do you think i come to dentists for

other haircuts

i want a tooth out i'm afraid that's

impossible

but don't talk so sorry but at this time

of night i've been in bed and fast

asleep i'm not raging too thick

i said i'm not going to i see a dentist

here and fetch him out

now if you'll just sit down for a minute

i'll i'll make some enquiries

all right but look sharp

it's a patient chief says he wants a two

thousand what are this time

perhaps is one of their agents doesn't

look like one but how do you know

take him in the surgery and pump him oh

well said john wilkins assistant

that you're in his confidence yes but i

think he really does want to

vote well you never know go and find out

well well i'm sorry but uh mr wilkinson

is asleep my cat's

all right i'm his assistant and anything

you wish to have out you can

have out with me all right that suits me

well

where's surgery yes is this it

here come on

come on don't hang about

hey take this

nice evening isn't it thanks for getting

shortwave broadcasts

i don't want any shortwave broadcasting

i don't care if it's raining cats and

dogs i want this tooth out

let me see that i enjoy mr wilkinson's

full confidence well i'm very glad to

hear it

slope my mouth now yes certainly you can

tell me anything you want

you really want it out hey what's the

matter with you you non-compass mentors

are so much

you've been here before haven't you

what's that gonna do with it well we

just make it a rule only to attend to

regular customers after closing time oh

that's it all you think i'm going to

suffer all night for your silly rules

are you going to take it out or do i

have to take it out of you

your mind's made up oh it's dawned on

you

just wait there a minute please very

often now

so what is this a dentist or a mad house

you're gonna take this all right it's

coming out

just a minute which tooth did you say it

was again

your top teeth are pretty good the

falsies fat ed

i don't see that now they quite took me

in for a minute got the plate out

no no just the two

okay

just open your mouth a little wider

please will you

hey doing it you're gonna take it out in

cold blood i can't have a local

anesthetic

oh i'm afraid mr wilkinson always locks

up everything like that

hey what's that over there is that a gas

operators or not

yes that's a gas all right then i'll

have gus

quite sure this is after effects you

know

compared to what i am super in the after

effects will be a pleasure

hope you're right

uh

now what's to do are you gonna give me

gas or not

i am you know so too i'm sick of sitting

away people

so

so

so

so

so

must have cracked my jaw no

no something went but i don't think it

was that well it must have given me too

much gas i feel very faint

would you come on come on the fresh here

will do you all the good in the world

i'll take you to attacks that i can see

in that cat

there's nothing to shout about do you

want to bring that dentist down here

what's happened to the patient you're

going stupid

in fact two of them what do you want to

out but i just gave a hefty pool in the

other way

two of them nothing in this business

it's money for jam

all you have to do is just have turn on

the guys well he demanded it

look bye bob

didn't want to pay for the other one but

the poor man was in no condition to

argue i bet he wasn't

if you knew me i have yeah

look at that sneezing me in the punt

turn it over sergeant bingham city

where did you get this in the safe

can't believe you're it

this sort of thing shatters your faith

in women well you could do with a bit of

shattering yeah give it to me

you're not going to put it back in there

i am but if you find it

that'll make me look like an accessory

well you were aren't you

without anyone knowing we've been here

why chief aren't you going to erase

wilkinson not yet

you haven't left anything lying around

in the surgery have you no no i've got

the teeth in my pocket

i don't want to see them talk about a

blooming cannibal

curtains

light on it's funny

look at you the gas is still on

he's a guy dead

this is awful but i was here just a few

minutes ago after happening when you

were saying all patient off obviously

must have found out that we were here

decided he couldn't face it and

come down and cast himself i better

phone the local police

a minute look at these

one shoe is based across the usual way

on the other should the topsy holes at

least crisscross

you can put your own construction in

that i suppose well no man laces use

different ways

someone else put that shirt on his foot

why i don't know yet

but whoever did it may be still in the

house

no sign of anybody i'm going to make

such a wilted bedroom see if i can find

anything

i'll come up with you chief you know you

don't we've got no time to lose here

take these bring up the yard

give blue my kind regards and read that

list over to him what are they

the names addresses and code numbers of

mr wilker's so-called patients

toblero since he wants to know who's

been talking there's 40 of them

sorry for the delay sergeant inspector

blows just gone out they're expecting

him back in 10 minutes i ask him to

bring you back

yes please and it's very urgent

oh

hello who's that

this is mrs wilkinson speaking i want to

speak to dr kirby at once please

i'm a police officer what are you doing

in this house

i'm here in connection with your husband

he's dead

that's right you just sit down quietly

for a few minutes

i can imagine how you're feeling can you

i wonder i should be awfully upset

shouldn't i

aren't you no

you you are mrs wilkinson yes

but we weren't what is called a happily

married couple

you found out that he was a that he was

a

yes i told him he'd get caught sooner or

later

it was no use they had some sort of

hold on him who were they i don't know

i shouldn't have known anything except

that i i found a letter of his

what did you do i text him with it and

he flew into a rage and and struck me

you did yes oh that was nothing unusual

i said i'd go to the police and he

threatened to shoot me

what could i do

what would you have done

i really don't know it's

very awkward for you could i have a

cigarette inspector please

i certainly certainly

no now i'm afraid i've got to ask you

just

just a few questions

you're not going to be brutal to me are

you no that'll hardly be necessary

but they'll expect a statement and just

as a mere matter of formality

oh yes of course well i shall not

attempt to hide anything from you

thank you

well now do you know

what part your husband had in this

organization

none but i'm sure it couldn't have been

a very important one

i'm afraid you're wrong there my dear

mrs wilkinson as a matter of fact i'm

quite sure you are

well what makes you say that well i have

here the names and addresses of

40 of his patients whom i have every

reason to believe supplied him regularly

with information

but i can't believe it are you positive

of that

i found it in a book in his safe but if

he's as important as all that why did he

take his own life

it didn't somebody else took it

put yourself together

gosh yeah

that's better now isn't it you drink

this

i'm sorry i'm sorry it's all right

you'll be feeling better in a minute

i can't stay the night here alone

inspector i'm afraid i'm on duty

but i've got a sister who lives just

around the corner couldn't i spend the

night with her

i'm sorry i can't allow that i promise i

wouldn't move from there

no you wouldn't and if it raced with me

i'd let you do it like a shot

but it does dress with you doesn't it

no not exactly you see i haven't

mentioned it before but

i've got an assistant an associate

there are two of you yes he's upstairs

and i'm afraid he'll want you to come to

the police station

oh drink drink

that's gonna be all right

oh you answered inspector don't worry

about me

oh hello yes oh

inspector blue yes this is

bingham whatever you have at this hour

for i decided to confess after all

certainly not so as a matter of fact

it's not unconnected with your inquiries

this morning hmm

well now horny and i decided that as you

were floundering about to give you a bit

of help

to put you in the right road as it were

no no no no no i must correct you there

my mother and father were married

properly at the kitchen paisley

and that remark comes very badly from

you after all we've done

all right if you'll just keep calm i'll

tell you

well i have here the names and addresses

of about 40 people who have been passing

information

hmm yes if you'll just get out your

little pencil and paper i'll read them

out to you

you ready

just a minute blue i think i've got a

hold of the wrong piece of paper or

something

hold on

mrs wilkinson

mrs wilkinson

hello blue sorry there's been a slight

hitch here

i'll bring you back

this is

this is

there you are there's bits of pretty ram

going on in this house i'm telling you

you're telling me where did your phone

blow yes

i phoned him what did he say well he

didn't say anything chief

because because what

look you're quite sure you gave me that

less standard

what are you blathering about

that's all i've got chief there's

nothing on it

the gear what the blazes you've been

doing while i've been upstairs had it in

my hand when a first phone

blew well go on well he wasn't in

and so i put it back in my pocket i know

it was there when she came in because

she

this is wilkinson so she's here

well she was here was yes

i'm afraid she's gone to where

just through that french window okay are

you drunk as well as incapable

told her to stop here but she must have

slipped out when i was on the phone

she's pinched the evidence but i think i

know where we can find her

well i have sisters what's your dress

now listen to me you big dome vacuum

hasn't it dawn you yet that one was

simply playing you brought a sucker

what happened then well

i had just phoned blow when the front

door opened and

i hid behind the curtains yeah well she

came in and saw the body and rusted the

telephone

she dialed the number and asked for the

doctor what doctor

curvishly maybe carbisol

and then well she must have seen me

behind the curtains because she screamed

so i stepped out and what did you tell

them that her husband was a spy

and that he used to beat her yeah you

sympathize with her

well in a way the woman hasn't been a

widow five minutes but she's fair game

to you

then i suppose you told her about that

list i did mention it

i knew it she fainted yeah then you

helped out of the city

yes and she printed the list in your

pocket you went to vegeta some brandy

what and she switched the blank sheets

back on you

this is paid as a pike staff and there's

no curvishly awk obviously in the book

but i'm sure it was scary you made about

a bigger hedge to this as anything

you've done in the whole of your

misbegotten career

here we are working on a case which has

nothing to do with us you get hold of

the star witness and let her go with all

the exhibits

look couldn't we just slip out like and

not tell anybody we were here well after

you found the yard with a murder man in

the other room

he may not have been murdered he was

murdered while you were mucking things

up down here i've been busy

wilkinson was planning to run away to

south america passports permits all in

order

but somebody rather didn't want to go so

they're waiting for him upstairs

he came in but just changed to his

slippers

then nipped up behind him laid him out

slipped his shoe on again

brought him downstairs bunked him to

that chair and tried to make it look

like suicide

how does that sound doesn't seem to be

anything missing

no except the clue to the murderer that

list of agents

and mrs wilkinson apart from that is all

so enough

well i suppose there's nothing else to

do but hand it over to blow and we go

back to the gents underpants alike i

don't hear that defeatist stalk

we're going to search this house from

cell at the roof i'm going to start

outside

i'll start in here and if there's a

whiff of a clue we'll smell it out

all right what's this

march the 12th no address my dear

wilkinson

i am sorry to hear you propose taking a

holiday i feel strongly that a journey

would not be good for your health at the

present moment

i must therefore urge you to cancel it

yours

a.k.a sounds like a letter from his

doctor sounds like of course it is

a.k.a curbishly the doctor she rank up

yeah and it doesn't exist at least not

in the phone book

he might be in another district chief he

might but this letter was posted at a

double point

and that's in this phone area so that

doesn't help

continuation sheet now who uses

continuation sheets

offices yeah it doesn't look like office

paper to me

no more like hotel stuff

how many printers would have been up

railing front there can't be many it's

only a market time good well we're gonna

knock them up

there maybe only half a dozen printers

in the town but a more bad tempered lot

i never saw

you can't expect them to dance for joy

when you get them up out of their beds

in the middle of the night

don't feel very happy myself dragging a

man from his rest at three in the

morning to rake through a lot of naught

paper

i want to be compensated for this oh

well it's not your paper yes it is

oh yes i printed it for the west cape

manor hotel

west goodman hotel eh hey i told it was

hotel paper

yes it's the same all right of course

it's the same i printed them a brochure

at the same time

now you can clear out and i'll go back

to my rest i sympathize with you

terms in season hello it's a fishing

hotel

yeah pretty posh from the places brigham

we're going to get up early in the

morning we're taking a fishing holiday

it's time we've got our hooks into

something well thank you very much

you're welcome

morning boy good morning ted you two

gentlemen after the same vacancy vacancy

what are you full up well one day we are

the next day we're not

if i had my way i'd give them mistresses

and stop all this chopping and changing

hey what about our luggage you brought

your luggage with you

optimists aren't you

you don't look very busy no we're not

now they're all out on a paper chase

who did same paper chase yes got me up

at 6 30 this morning

it's his new mr rolf's side here he

started all these capers

mr jenkins was much more sensible but he

joined up three weeks ago along with mr

smart the science master

i tell you there've been so many changes

here since the war started i can't keep

pace with them

you wait in here but i might as well

tell you you're not the only ones after

this history master's job

there's another old bloke in there

already

so it's not a hotel anymore they've

evacuated a blooming school here

you know chief i didn't like to mention

it before but

well i never did think much of that clue

of yours once in a while you were right

gable college muswell hill london notice

the prefix

all preface must be responsible to black

out of the dormitories dr alfred

kirbishly

headmaster ak

we thought it was a medical doctor she

rang up last night but it was this

fellow doctor literature or something

hmm this puts a new face out of the

duchess said but you had our dial lifted

yes but i still don't see anything very

similar to that well it hasn't occurred

to you i suppose a woman who just found

her husband dead

doesn't want to bring up a school master

yes it is a bit peculiar now this is

where you were in your own spirit

put that luggage back into the car and

drive down to the town put up at the

local hotel and find out all you can

about the doctor

it's a small place in the mountain in

everybody's business

what about you chief somebody's about to

ask what they're doing here oh i'll say

i'm a new boy who's a bit backward

now going off you go don't forget if

there's a bar made there when she pours

out your beer don't bore out your soul

good morning good morning yeah are you

an applicant

yes so am i really yeah

my name is mackenzie professor elliot

mckenzie

how do you do my name is nottle uh

forest not all how do you do you may

have heard of mackenzie's history of

europe for schools

oh yes of course i wrote it really

you haven't actually met dr kirby'sly

yet i take it no

but i rather fancy that's just a

formality

oh well i suppose there's no objection

to my waiting no no

not in the least if it isn't a rude

question

what was your last school boston boston

oh yes

uh boston i beg your pardon

postal yeah but isn't that a

penitentiary yes

but surely a qualification for a master

at boston would hardly be a

recommendation to this school

on the country by their side i'm just

the man for the school

why but they mentioned it to the

advertisement didn't they the school

times gave me to understand that this

was an establishment for the sons of

gentlemen

was that what they said they were sons

of well i i hope i'm not you're under

any misapprehension

well it's not as bad as boss till if

that's what you mean as a matter of fact

they frequently send their good contact

let's here

but you seriously tell me this is a a

corrective school

what did you know i certainly did not

oh there's nothing to be worried about

my dear professor you may have tried to

travel alarming for the first two years

but you get used to it

well bless my soul look who's here if it

isn't big

now there's a fine example of the good

counter class they sent here

oh oh but they shouldn't let him have a

knife why not well he's a nice enough

lead but he has bits of violence

as a matter of fact i remember once at

boston he attacked the carpenter's

instructor with a chisel

good heavens you see

oh i'm sorry so i didn't know there was

anyone in here that's quite alright my

boy

what do you want a book sir a book yes

sir help yourself my son thank you sir

excuse me sir oh let me help you

this one chris lisa there we are

thank you sir not at all you will all

this greatly perturbs me

hey you

have you missed anything i beg your

pardon

this is yours isn't it that's my watch

good pressures me

oh well boys will be boys you know do

you mean that

he actually uh oh this is dreadful well

you could use that sort of yeah you know

that's why you're mistaken i wouldn't

teach in this class of school

for any consideration whatever what you

don't be to say you're going to turn it

up yes i am

and i'm very grateful to you for

enlightening me city

uh professor mackenzie who who at your

service

have would you come this way please

professor dr kirby will see you now

with pleasure

thank you

we should be very pleased to have you

here professor weston the last man was

rather old-fashioned in his method oh

really

well you won't write anything like that

about me

professor mckenzie dr kirby

how do you do a professor welcome to

gable college how do you do you'll find

us in strange surroundings but

temperamental no set muta marinellis

yes yes please sit down

yes i feel very honored that a man of

your scholastic reputation should

consider my little establishment worthy

of his services not at all not at all

how long were you at home no let me see

now it must be what

15 years everyday i see it says 20 huh

20 was it no time does play

dr swan speaks of you in the most

glowing terms yes we got i'm very well

together

that's very fun to the old swan well i

don't think we need to discuss it any

further it seems most satisfactory to me

i take it the salary i mentioned in my

letter as acceptable to you under the

circumstances yes

oh there is just one other thing and

it's rather important can you start at

once oh absolutely

as a matter of fact i've got my luggage

with me okay

well that removes that obstacle great

well i think you'll find it very

pleasant here professor here mr jennings

oh he has indeed i'm sure it will be an

honor to have you teaching with us

professor

hello yes doctor clapton speaking

huh

well i'm afraid i can't discuss it now

i'm engaged i'll send you a school

prospectus

but i must see you i've been trying to

get you since last night

just a minute well i think that's all

for the moment professor

mr jennings will show you what you're

studying uh this way please professor

i've told you before not to ring me here

what is it but i had to get in touch

with you

something dreadful has happened i can't

believe i'll tell you on the phone

i'm at the anglers rest in the town well

you shouldn't have left farship without

letting me know i

oh i'm so sorry doctor but i wonder if

you would let me have my testimonials

back

i know you wouldn't mislead them but but

i'd rather treasure them yes of course

thank you

you must realize it's impossible to talk

now i'll be down there at nine this

evening

until then stay in your room hold on

good morning sir good morning i want the

room please

certainly sir

good to see the sun again isn't it yes

it is

will you be staying here long a few

nights maybe

you'll want a single room i suppose

that's right

i've got a very nice room facing the

river

yes but i think i'll have the single

room very good sir

um will you read it to me or should i

read it to you

oh very well here we are

evolution of the khan laws the effect of

the

industrial revolution connected with the

mechanical invention

and the utilization of steam transform

great britain

from an agricultural to a manufacturing

and commercial country

everybody understand that

the opposition to the khan law steadily

increased

at least the conservative premier sir

robert field

became a convert to free trade and in

1846

carried a measure to put a name for the

complex

but he said the duty on call was at once

greatly reduced

and it's ceased all together in 1849

with the exception of a registration

duty of one shilling per quarter

which terminated in 1869

you know i don't know about you but hey

hey faith this is a treatful dre

right also well now but it does mention

one very interesting man

sir robert field the founder of our

modern police force

and a very good job he made of it too as

a matter of fact

if it hadn't been for him we should

never have had the highly efficient

organization

with this network of detectives playing

close men and copper's knacks of iranian

farmers that we have today

but still i dare say that many of you

points

at one time or another have wanted to be

detectives

yes i thought so but let me tell you

that it requires more than muscle to

make a detective nowadays oh yes

i mean you have to have powers of

observation and deduction

now take observation for instance i very

much doubt if there's a single guy here

that could tell me whose card it was

that went down the grave just now

it's a heads casa how do you do that

because he always goes out at this time

that's right well now if he always goes

out at the same time

it's probable that he always returns at

a certain arm

has anybody observed what tame that is

sir

whatever you do yes sir because he takes

that in a quarter past three

hmm you're more observant than i thought

well now let us see if you're as good at

deduction

i'll give you a start now if he always

goes out at the same time

that is 2 30 and he's only gone for half

an hour

it follows that wherever he goes can

only be a quad brass car ride away

probably less since he must spend some

time at his destination

now can anybody deduce where he goes in

that time

the village sir what makes you think

that because i've seen his car there sir

that's right parked outside the post

office i

see still that is observation

not deduction now let us try to deduce

what he does in the post office excuse

me sir but isn't that the headmaster's

business

hey big girls i made you think that is

being tantamount or reverb

well sir i really meant that don't

apologize you're quite right my boy

he's no concern about what he does in

the post office so as a quid pro crew

if i take maine nose out of the

headmaster's business perhaps you'll

stick yours in that book

and read from where we left off

they're doing is they're butting in on a

case that doesn't concern them my case

if you're right i shall have something

to say to inspector hornley and sergeant

bingham laying down on this job without

my permission

maybe i have a pretty good reason for

this hello

oh is that you chief well i've stumbled

across something very interesting

no no no it's not to do with the

scrounging case but

which i know chief but

yes chief

how much did your pension be whether you

retired tomorrow i don't know

why but you better start working it out

yes that's quite true to you but but

chief

that's my last word and i don't want any

arguments

so you can just take the first train

straight back to london

murdered who's been murdered

says that dentist didn't commit suicide

now have you any clue as to who's a

murderer

you know then why didn't you arrest him

now that's got nothing to do with it

i've told you before that's blow's case

until he might have sent his

interference who's talking to him you or

me

you sir very well then don't interrupt

registered letter

what registered letter a registered

letter

is posted every day to 121

wessex street london and i want to find

out what is going on there

tell them we think it's a headquarters

of the whole outfit alakia what with two

of them jabbing at one end of the line

and you're hissing in beer it'll quick

if i went to london after all the west

succeeded sw1 you know don't you shove

your war in

four policemen's enough on one night

without the help of the post office

no chief

now all i want you to do is to get

somebody competent

to watch 121 wessex street until the

registered letter arrives

and then pounce and catch a lot of them

and afterwards

ask them to ring up bingham at

allingford 6 9

and i'll beg the murderer

fine good night chief

i can do it with a drink after that what

about the post office well it's a bit

late at night but since it means it's an

exciting day i think i'll have a small

whiskey and soda

bingham order to do a small whiskey will

you i'll have a double

hello miss uh ask the waiter to send up

two double whiskies and one small one

sam one whiskey and two doubles for

number two right

oh and find out what they want to eat

good evening sir good evening i believe

you have a mrs sutton staying here would

you be good enough to send out my card

listen

sam take that card to number eight on

your way up glue

very good

the gentleman downstairs handed that

name oh thank you

you said you'd be here at nine o'clock

it's nearly ten i know

it's carlson he's dead i know he was

murdered

so it was you who killed him you

reported to me that he was about to

clear off to south america

man like that's not only useless but

dangerous well all i can say is you

might have been a little more careful

about it

in what way it may interest you to know

that whilst you were disposing of

carlson there were two detectives in the

house

you sure i met one of them do you find

anything

only a list of our agents and say you'll

even be allowed

i played the prostrate widow very

successfully

well i'll be getting along i should have

closed on my cucumber frame a couple of

hours ago

well thank you very much for your

assistance mr tomboy a pleasure good

night inspector good night good night

good night mr tomboy hello

is that you hornly it's blow here i said

what sort of game are you playing

oh listen i'm in wessex street now and

there is no one two one the highest

number in the street is seventy-five

hey what are you doing here hang on a

minute bring back the post office really

quick

mr tomboy just a minute yeah

we want you where's your registered

letterbook

here it is well you know what i want yes

ah here we are now this can't lie i've

got the post office registered

letterbook here

now there's been a registered letter

said to mr e knight one two one wessex

street

practically every day for three months i

suppose you can count up to 121

and i don't want any insults you asked

for someone to check up on this and i've

done it

yes but ask for somebody competent we

are competent of the yard since you left

and i'm telling you there's no one two

one wessex street and they won't be till

they pull down the houses of palmer to

make the street a bit longer

and why on earth don't you stick your

strawberry jam instead of hello

oh there's no such place as 121 wessex

street

but he sends a letter there every day

there's no such place i tell you

but why would you send a letter to a

place that isn't there it doesn't make

sense but look 121 wessex street written

by my own hand well i don't care if you

wrote it with your elbow

there are only 75 houses in wessex

street and 121 isn't one of them

but if registered letters are not

delivered they come back to me are you

never heard in the oven back

never that's why i say it's regular way

now that it was headed in your post

office this afternoon

nowhere would it be at this moment in a

sealed bag at northridge waiting for the

night nail

where does the bag join the train

lancaster no about 10 miles before that

it's caught up by the automatic arm

where's the nightmare start from

carlisle what time 10 45

ten five brigham we're going to carl

island what about the luggage chief

leave it

i'll get your passport helen and you can

go abroad for neutral country

there must be one left somewhere

wait a minute there's the detective

who's in the house

which one the tall one the little fellow

they've got in tow is the village

postmaster

and i was under the impression that the

man with him was my new history master

and i appear to have made a mistake

supposedly just a nominal charge for the

room you're saying i haven't slept in it

i'm sorry sir but i'm afraid you have to

pay the full price as you've used the

room

you're charging me for bidding breakfast

and having to either go and pay up and

don't argue

because my own money i'd be adamant i'm

saying it will go down expenses i can

see the point

they must have found out i was here if

they had been hardly believing

no i offensive something else on their

minds oh can't you pocket it without

counting the change for once

come on come on good night mr tomboy

thanks again hey

oh good evening mr tom boy i wonder if

you'd mind obliging me i know it's after

post office hours and all that but i

should be very grateful if you'd break

the rules and catch a money order for me

well i unfortunately i wasn't able to

get to the bank today oh certainly dr

kirby

with the greatest of pleasure oh thank

you very much i'll run you down to the

post office now shall we

well it's one of the registered letters

for london i made a mistake about the

receipt

got the addresses mixed up if i could

have it back i could put it right in a

few minutes

it's gone oh all very well

the registered letters have already left

northwind for the mail train

it's too late to stop them now dr kirby

there's nothing i can do can

you've no reason to suspect any of your

soldiers have you joe no

of course i can't say for certain we

keep getting new ones on as the youngins

are called up

but i wouldn't surprise anybody if

somebody new came on tonight i don't

follow your inspector

for me for instance sorting isn't an

easy job you know

it's years before you're any good at it

well you're short-handed and i'm no good

at it

you can keep telling me so say you gotta

give me the second the morning that'll

follow him

it might work joe what do you think

i don't know it's got to work now come

on you're the postmaster

who can substitute me for when's your

runcon deal for the caller

any day well if we can stop him before

he gets here we can tell the rest he's

had it

look about me that'd have been sort of

two no you can't

you're going to be what you've always

been a passenger hello send george in

here will you please

rancor

as good as some of you i hope trains

coming in now look like they're there

already late for dinner

hello faster

while another phone

hello

yes i have to warn you two detectives

will be on the train tonight

no if you're careful it'll be all right

one of them's tall bald looks

intelligent and isn't

the other one short with a sour face

doesn't look intelligent and ease

has he got a heavy low end

he's the new sorter they're working fast

listen whatever you do don't let him get

hold of that letter

well leave that to me i don't like the

sound of it

no consideration for others that's what

it is

hmm

you what are you doing good evening

sergeant perhaps i should introduce

myself

i'm the principal of your colleague

school to smart you girls to discover

that i posted a registered letter this

afternoon and catch a train of carlisle

but i have an idea the inspector won't

find that better oh

why not because you're going to write

him a little note and ask him to come

along here and see me

first do you think i'd fall for a thing

like that

well i'm uh hoping this way john

suppose you know it's a very serious

thing to point a gun at me like that for

you

or for us for you of course i know all

about you

you both got to answer them a few

questions i'm sorry sergeant but as a

school master i prefer to put the

questions

and at the moment i'm asking you to

write that note for fondly

do you think i did that i should if i

were you

open my dead body isn't that rather an

unfortunate way of putting it

i think we can avoid that unpleasantness

for the moment heaven

would you mind relieving the sergeant's

wallet

careful sergeant

i'll throw caution to the winds in a

minute that'll be very foolish

what are you going to do i spent a

considerable period of my youth

practicing the art forgery or suffering

penalties for it

hello do you mind

i imagine we shall find an example of

your handwriting on your identity card

mr busby

got a new sort on tonight well look

along the train there says

his brother asked me to give him this

note well it's against regulations

still we'll let it go this time

you're still on that luck well let me

tell you if everybody here worked at

speed you're going this post will arrive

in about three years time

here talk about a

i'll still be home with my wife

i've got to go along and see my sergeant

there i am after the swo number twenty

is dressed tonight one two one by

sixteen keep your eyes due to it when

i'm gone okay

oh god i'm a cid man

i wonder if you go in that next

compartment and examine the tickets

certainly

please

what tickets are please i don't think

i've got mine on me suspected i

think i'll come with you i think i got

yours edward

thank you thank you

there you are yeah

who's in there tall ball-headed

gentleman sir looks rather pale yeah

anybody else a well-dressed man with a

long nose and a red-headed woman

rather british thank you very much

anything else i can do for you sir no

not just now thank you very good

excuse me what's easy

don't move

i think you had my credentials come on

watch it bingham

i'm back in a moment yeah and don't let

this ready try any more of our tricks

it's just an example of the way we work

you know

i have my

regard those two this is what is known

as a matter of natural importance all

right

well you will be come along i may need

your help

so long doctor see you later

that's my business what have you done

with it yeah are you accusing me of

pinching it

i'm asking you what you've done with it

well i'm not gonna be talked a lot like

that by an extra man i'm gonna have this

out of the head sorter

in here

i said take it easy bob with you

come on

the little friend of the little

broadcast in the same place twice

and within 24 hours of laying my hands

on the mystery transmitter

i had the whole organization behind bars

what a bloke you're not the last chapter

making the most of you those those i am

oh i mentioned that you had some

connection with the case oh

you still haven't mentioned my

connection with it i haven't finished

yet

in conclusion i would like to pay

tribute to a man without whose help i

could never have achieved this too

mr tomboy the post master of opera

alliance hello here chief have we given

you the best years of my life

hello oh bonus out commission of you

blow

morning chief the phone is on this

crouching case sir

since when oh what

me at my age that's right

i'll get a commission no no private

very good i don't think this is a pretty

job though man

but this isn't just the case of a few

tins of strawberry jam no no it's

costing the country a thousand a year

and here's a few clues to be going on

with

one pair of gents underpanties large

size one tin of pilchards

and one bar of carbonic