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1
00:00:35,241 --> 00:00:37,607
Detective, looks like you fooled them.
2
00:00:37,777 --> 00:00:43,443
All in a day's work, I guess. I hope next
time I don't have to run so much.
3
00:00:43,783 --> 00:00:49,744
What do you think Barnaby Jones meant when he said,
"This is not a victimless crime"?
4
00:00:49,922 --> 00:00:53,153
Anybody? Children, were you paying attention?
5
00:00:53,326 --> 00:00:56,056
We've been watching Barnaby Jones for days.
6
00:00:56,228 --> 00:00:58,560
- It's hard to pay attention.
- Excuse me.
7
00:00:58,731 --> 00:01:03,168
Just forget what Barnaby has to say.
Don't pay attention to Barnaby.
8
00:01:03,336 --> 00:01:05,736
Let's see how far you get in society.
9
00:01:05,905 --> 00:01:09,864
Stanley, tell us how Barnaby
knew the poison was in the milk.
10
00:01:10,042 --> 00:01:13,603
- Can't we be normal third graders?
- What do you consider normal?
11
00:01:13,779 --> 00:01:17,545
Learn about art and music and
go on field trips and stuff.
12
00:01:17,717 --> 00:01:21,949
Well, Mr. Smarty Pants,
we are going on a field trip tomorrow.
13
00:01:22,121 --> 00:01:23,145
- Hooray!
- Where?
14
00:01:23,322 --> 00:01:27,019
- To the planetarium.
- Planetariums suck.
15
00:01:27,193 --> 00:01:29,093
What's wrong with the planetarium?
16
00:01:29,261 --> 00:01:31,661
- It's boring.
- All constellations look alike.
17
00:01:31,831 --> 00:01:35,323
Too bad! You'll go to the
planetarium and you'll love it.
18
00:01:35,501 --> 00:01:40,336
In the meantime, we'll watch episode 203,
"Barnaby Under Siege."
19
00:01:40,506 --> 00:01:43,168
I taped these at home. There's commercials.
20
00:01:43,342 --> 00:01:46,004
- Kids, do you love Cheesy Poofs?
- Yes.
21
00:01:46,178 --> 00:01:50,012
Cheesy Poofs is looking for a kid to
sing the Cheesy Poofs song.
22
00:01:50,182 --> 00:01:52,742
Watch for our talent van around the country.
23
00:01:52,918 --> 00:01:54,078
I can sing the song.
24
00:01:54,253 --> 00:01:57,711
If you win, you could be picked to
be in our next commercial.
25
00:01:57,890 --> 00:01:59,380
er:
26
00:02:04,997 --> 00:02:09,127
Let's quiet down so the nice bus
driver can concentrate on the road.
27
00:02:09,301 --> 00:02:13,670
That ain't how you do it.
You do it like this. Sit down and shut up!
28
00:02:13,839 --> 00:02:15,204
Jesus, lady.
29
00:02:16,609 --> 00:02:21,842
This is the planetarium! Watch your
step so as not to hurt yourselves!
30
00:02:22,014 --> 00:02:25,074
I will remind you that this is a planetarium...
31
00:02:25,251 --> 00:02:27,549
...not a Bangkok brothel. Let's behave.
32
00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:31,087
Could your child be the next Cheesy Poofs singer?
33
00:02:31,257 --> 00:02:32,246
There it is!
34
00:02:32,425 --> 00:02:36,521
We're seeking the kid who can
sing the song better than anybody.
35
00:02:36,695 --> 00:02:39,186
I can sing it with both hands tied behind my back.
36
00:02:39,365 --> 00:02:41,424
You can't get both arms behind your back.
37
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:46,094
- We're going to the planetarium.
- I have to go sing the Cheesy Poofs song!
38
00:02:46,272 --> 00:02:50,709
No, you have to go in this building
and see a bunch of stupid stars.
39
00:02:54,580 --> 00:02:57,344
Hello, children. My name is Dr. Adams.
40
00:02:57,516 --> 00:03:01,577
- Welcome to the planet-arium.
- I thought it was "planetarium."
41
00:03:01,754 --> 00:03:03,722
It is. But I have a bone disease...
42
00:03:03,889 --> 00:03:07,381
...which impedes my pronunciation
of the T in planet-arium.
43
00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,323
That's a weird bone disease.
44
00:03:09,495 --> 00:03:13,556
Perhaps someday I can get a bone
marrow transplant. Yes, boy?
45
00:03:13,732 --> 00:03:15,791
Will the Cheesy Poof van be there long?
46
00:03:15,968 --> 00:03:20,837
I don't know. But soon you'll be
witnessing the wonders of the universe.
47
00:03:21,006 --> 00:03:24,134
First, I wanna show you how the planet-arium works.
48
00:03:24,310 --> 00:03:25,800
As if we care.
49
00:03:26,679 --> 00:03:28,874
- Who are you?
- Little missy here...
50
00:03:29,048 --> 00:03:32,575
- ...runs the big projector for us.
- I love my work.
51
00:03:32,751 --> 00:03:36,687
- You're our age. Shouldn't you be in school?
- I love my work.
52
00:03:38,257 --> 00:03:41,055
Come on. Let's get into the planet-arium.
53
00:03:41,227 --> 00:03:44,321
Good morning, and welcome to the planet-arium.
54
00:03:44,497 --> 00:03:47,057
We're going on a ride through the universe...
55
00:03:47,233 --> 00:03:50,327
...so lean back in your chairs and get comfortable.
56
00:03:50,503 --> 00:03:53,301
- This is stupid.
- I'm going to dim the lights...
57
00:03:53,472 --> 00:03:57,670
- ...and let the stars come out.
- Whoopee.
58
00:03:57,843 --> 00:04:01,142
Here we see the constellation
called the Big Dipper.
59
00:04:01,313 --> 00:04:04,771
If I project a drawing of a
big dipper on top of it...
60
00:04:04,950 --> 00:04:07,714
...we see where this constellation gets its name.
61
00:04:07,887 --> 00:04:11,914
These stars here form the
constellation of Taurus, the bull.
62
00:04:12,091 --> 00:04:16,357
While these stars form the
constellation Roger Ebert.
63
00:04:16,529 --> 00:04:21,296
And these two little stars over here
form the constellation The Crusades.
64
00:04:21,467 --> 00:04:26,029
Stars are actually made of hot gas.
Which is exactly what comes out...
65
00:04:26,205 --> 00:04:27,399
Man, screw this.
66
00:04:29,074 --> 00:04:32,168
And now breathe deep as the stars slowly...
67
00:04:32,344 --> 00:04:35,370
...start to move in little circles.
68
00:04:35,548 --> 00:04:38,779
I know you think planet-ariums are boring...
69
00:04:38,951 --> 00:04:42,546
...but I'll try and change
the way you think about that.
70
00:04:46,392 --> 00:04:49,691
That was great. Tommy Frets,
he could be our winner.
71
00:04:49,862 --> 00:04:52,330
Excuse me, but I believe that sucked ass.
72
00:04:52,498 --> 00:04:54,693
- What's your name?
- Eric Cartman.
73
00:04:54,867 --> 00:04:57,927
All right, here's Eric Cartman giving it a shot.
74
00:05:13,886 --> 00:05:15,285
Try sucking on that.
75
00:05:16,355 --> 00:05:19,688
- How did you like the planetarium?
- I don't feel so good.
76
00:05:19,858 --> 00:05:22,292
Me neither, but I love the planetarium.
77
00:05:22,461 --> 00:05:26,022
- Me too. It was sweet.
- Really? What did you like best?
78
00:05:26,198 --> 00:05:29,497
- I don't remember what happened.
- Wait. Where's Eric?
79
00:05:29,668 --> 00:05:31,158
- I did it!
- Did what?
80
00:05:31,337 --> 00:05:32,998
I got a callback for the song.
81
00:05:33,172 --> 00:05:37,336
- You snuck off and sang that song?
- I got in the finals for tomorrow.
82
00:05:37,509 --> 00:05:39,204
Goodbye. Thanks for visiting.
83
00:05:39,378 --> 00:05:43,178
Don't forget we have laser
rock shows at night here.
84
00:05:43,349 --> 00:05:46,512
This week is laser Kenny Loggins and James Taylor.
85
00:05:47,886 --> 00:05:49,683
- My head feels funny.
- Mine too.
86
00:05:49,855 --> 00:05:54,417
When I'm doing Cheesy Poofs commercials,
I bet I get free Cheesy Poofs.
87
00:05:54,593 --> 00:05:59,121
- Like you really need it, hippo-ass.
- It's sad how jealous you are.
88
00:05:59,632 --> 00:06:01,065
Who the hell are you?
89
00:06:01,233 --> 00:06:06,500
- My name is Van Gelder.
- What the hell are you doing on our bus?
90
00:06:06,672 --> 00:06:09,334
There's a freaky kid from the planetarium here.
91
00:06:09,508 --> 00:06:11,237
I guess we have to go back.
92
00:06:11,410 --> 00:06:14,573
- No! Don't go back! No!
- Be careful, asshole.
93
00:06:14,747 --> 00:06:17,944
Please! Don't take me back there! Can't! Can't!
94
00:06:18,117 --> 00:06:20,517
All right, dude, mellow out. Jeez.
95
00:06:20,686 --> 00:06:23,018
We better get him to the nurse's office.
96
00:06:25,257 --> 00:06:26,815
The planetarium!
97
00:06:26,992 --> 00:06:31,361
- A painkiller should calm him down.
- No! No painkiller! I'll be okay!
98
00:06:31,530 --> 00:06:34,966
Okay, Van Gelder, I'm Counselor Mackey.
99
00:06:35,134 --> 00:06:38,934
Have you been smoking marijuana?
Marijuana's bad, m'kay?
100
00:06:39,471 --> 00:06:44,238
Must tell- The machine. The machine is-
101
00:06:44,410 --> 00:06:47,345
I've never seen anything like this.
What do you think?
102
00:06:47,513 --> 00:06:50,175
Whatever happened, happened at the planetarium.
103
00:06:50,349 --> 00:06:51,509
Planetarium!
104
00:06:51,684 --> 00:06:56,712
Tonight the planetarium's doing laser Loggins.
I have to check it out.
105
00:07:05,230 --> 00:07:06,822
Man, this is boring.
106
00:07:06,999 --> 00:07:09,695
Who the heck finds this stuff interesting?
107
00:07:09,868 --> 00:07:15,306
- Dude, this is totally killer.
- I hope this goes on for seven months.
108
00:07:18,811 --> 00:07:21,211
You will not remember what happens here.
109
00:07:21,380 --> 00:07:24,076
To remember it will cause incredible pain.
110
00:07:25,117 --> 00:07:26,948
Incredible pain.
111
00:07:27,853 --> 00:07:30,014
Incredible, icky pain.
112
00:07:31,256 --> 00:07:33,850
- I'm totally tripping.
- This is killer.
113
00:07:37,162 --> 00:07:42,259
Children, today we'll learn all
about Japanese poems called haiku.
114
00:07:42,434 --> 00:07:45,028
A haiku is like a normal American poem...
115
00:07:45,204 --> 00:07:47,832
...except it doesn't rhyme, and it's stupid.
116
00:07:48,006 --> 00:07:50,668
For example- Where's Eric Cartman?
117
00:07:50,843 --> 00:07:54,779
- That's a haiku?
- I'm asking why Eric isn't at school.
118
00:07:54,947 --> 00:07:57,245
- Was he on the school bus?
- No.
119
00:07:57,416 --> 00:08:00,510
Fat-ass Cartman was Not on the school bus today
120
00:08:00,686 --> 00:08:03,712
- What a big fat turd
- Very good haiku, Kyle.
121
00:08:03,889 --> 00:08:07,620
Yes, haikus have five syllables,
then seven, then five.
122
00:08:07,793 --> 00:08:10,557
Kenny, can you give us another example?
123
00:08:16,201 --> 00:08:19,261
- What's a "discharge"?
- Since haikus suck so much...
124
00:08:19,438 --> 00:08:22,566
- ...can we go back to the planetarium?
- I wanna go too.
125
00:08:22,741 --> 00:08:26,404
But you were just there.
Why do you wanna go again so soon?
126
00:08:26,578 --> 00:08:30,571
- Yeah, why do we wanna go again?
- I just had this urge to go back.
127
00:08:30,749 --> 00:08:34,310
I guess we could go again since
it's just down the street.
128
00:08:34,486 --> 00:08:38,946
Well, hello. It's all my little
friends with all their little dreams.
129
00:08:39,124 --> 00:08:42,821
- Eric, where have you been?
- Let's see. Where have I been?
130
00:08:42,995 --> 00:08:45,122
- Where, Cartman?
- I might have been...
131
00:08:45,297 --> 00:08:49,757
...over at the Cheesy Poofs callback
winning regional championship.
132
00:08:49,935 --> 00:08:53,200
This is my regional championship
certificate. Like it?
133
00:08:53,372 --> 00:08:56,364
Where's your regional
championship certificate, Clyde?
134
00:08:56,542 --> 00:08:57,975
You don't have one?
135
00:08:58,143 --> 00:09:01,112
Do you have a regional certificate, Wendy?
136
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,339
No? Apparently, only I do.
137
00:09:03,515 --> 00:09:08,009
Ass full of pork fat Jiggles like a Jell-O mold,
mouth's flapping too
138
00:09:08,187 --> 00:09:11,645
Your haiku insults have no effect.
I'm regional champion.
139
00:09:11,824 --> 00:09:15,385
- So you'll be in that commercial?
- It's between me and four kids.
140
00:09:15,561 --> 00:09:17,426
I'm going to the finals now.
141
00:09:17,596 --> 00:09:20,827
I bet you don't win They don't let big fat asses
142
00:09:20,999 --> 00:09:23,331
- Perform on TV
- Very good, Kyle.
143
00:09:23,502 --> 00:09:28,064
Shut your goddamned mouth Or
else I'm gonna kick you
144
00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:33,234
Square in the balls, asshole Damn it!
145
00:09:34,546 --> 00:09:36,309
- How's he doing?
- He's stable.
146
00:09:36,482 --> 00:09:38,416
But I can't get any information.
147
00:09:38,584 --> 00:09:40,916
- I'll sedate him now.
- No! No drugs!
148
00:09:41,086 --> 00:09:42,485
Drugs are good, m'kay?
149
00:09:42,654 --> 00:09:45,179
Don't let them go planetarium!
150
00:09:45,357 --> 00:09:48,918
- Why, Van Gelder?
- The machine. The machine is-
151
00:09:49,528 --> 00:09:52,554
"The machine is-"? That's probably bad.
152
00:09:52,731 --> 00:09:56,428
He's been talking about the machine for hours.
That and Daisy Fuentes.
153
00:09:56,602 --> 00:09:58,934
Why America's Funniest Home Videos? Why?
154
00:09:59,104 --> 00:10:02,073
There's only one way to get any sense out of him.
155
00:10:02,241 --> 00:10:04,937
We'll have to try a mind meld, m'kay?
156
00:10:05,110 --> 00:10:07,305
- A what?
- It's an ancient technique...
157
00:10:07,479 --> 00:10:10,642
...handed down from school
counselor to school counselor.
158
00:10:10,816 --> 00:10:13,683
I don't like to use it, but it's our only hope.
159
00:10:13,852 --> 00:10:17,583
- Well, what will you need?
- Just time to prepare, nurse.
160
00:10:17,756 --> 00:10:20,623
Just time. M'kay?
161
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:25,088
Children, I'm so glad you came back to learn more.
162
00:10:25,264 --> 00:10:27,892
They begged. I couldn't get them to shut up.
163
00:10:28,066 --> 00:10:31,866
I'm sure we'll have a marvelous time.
Won't we, children?
164
00:10:32,037 --> 00:10:33,527
Yes.
165
00:10:33,705 --> 00:10:36,606
- This way, please.
- Enjoy your visit.
166
00:10:37,776 --> 00:10:41,803
Billions of stars and billions
of galaxies make up our universe.
167
00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:44,346
Here you see Polaris, the dog star.
168
00:10:44,516 --> 00:10:48,475
- I'll step outside and go wee-wee.
- Certainly, Mr. Garrison.
169
00:10:51,790 --> 00:10:53,485
You love the planetarium.
170
00:10:53,659 --> 00:10:57,322
To be without the planetarium
causes you horrible pain.
171
00:10:57,496 --> 00:11:00,124
You want to help the planetarium thrive.
172
00:11:00,299 --> 00:11:03,962
To not do so makes your stomach
ache with needle-like stab-
173
00:11:04,136 --> 00:11:07,697
And right over here,
we see the constellation Orion.
174
00:11:07,873 --> 00:11:10,603
Orion's belt is made up of three stars.
175
00:11:10,776 --> 00:11:12,801
- What just happened?
- What do you mean?
176
00:11:12,978 --> 00:11:15,412
Let's go before something bad happens.
177
00:11:18,984 --> 00:11:22,943
- Don't pick your nose.
- I wasn't picking it. I had an itch.
178
00:11:23,121 --> 00:11:27,421
- Don't be nervous. You'll win.
- There's a lot of competition here.
179
00:11:27,593 --> 00:11:30,084
- Do you think I might win?
- I hope so.
180
00:11:30,262 --> 00:11:33,425
Then perhaps we can eat for a little while.
181
00:11:34,433 --> 00:11:37,834
- They're giving away bread outside!
- You hear that, Mommy?
182
00:11:38,003 --> 00:11:41,939
Come on. Perhaps we can get
some food in our stomachs.
183
00:11:42,107 --> 00:11:43,096
Psyche.
184
00:11:45,210 --> 00:11:47,440
You boys are supposed to be in there.
185
00:11:47,613 --> 00:11:50,673
Mr. Garrison, we think the planetarium guy is-
186
00:11:50,882 --> 00:11:55,376
- Goodbye, children. Thanks for coming.
- I wanna go again!
187
00:11:55,554 --> 00:11:57,579
For Pete's sake, you just went.
188
00:11:57,756 --> 00:12:03,490
If you like the planet-arium so much,
perhaps you'd like to volunteer here.
189
00:12:03,662 --> 00:12:06,130
- Yes, please!
- Me too! I wanna do it!
190
00:12:06,298 --> 00:12:08,926
- I'd love to work here.
- Planetarium's gay.
191
00:12:09,101 --> 00:12:12,593
- Mr. Garrison?
- I could give them extra credit for it.
192
00:12:12,771 --> 00:12:18,073
Excellent. Step over here, and I'll
show all you children how to volunteer.
193
00:12:19,678 --> 00:12:21,305
- This isn't right.
- What?
194
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:25,280
We don't volunteer for anything.
We gotta see what's going on.
195
00:12:25,917 --> 00:12:27,885
Here's the control panel.
196
00:12:28,053 --> 00:12:31,079
Kenny, go out there and tell us what you see.
197
00:12:32,991 --> 00:12:34,754
He hits this switch.
198
00:12:38,130 --> 00:12:42,066
- See? Nothing. Just a bunch of stars.
- Yeah, I guess so.
199
00:12:44,703 --> 00:12:47,137
- What does that do?
- I don't know.
200
00:12:48,473 --> 00:12:49,963
Kenny, what's it doing?
201
00:12:51,243 --> 00:12:53,040
This says, "maximum."
202
00:12:55,947 --> 00:12:59,405
- Oh, my God! We've killed Kenny!
- We're bastards!
203
00:13:02,087 --> 00:13:05,614
- I told you something was up.
- We gotta go tell somebody.
204
00:13:11,630 --> 00:13:12,927
JUDGE
205
00:13:31,183 --> 00:13:34,414
Thank you, Peter. We'll let you know very soon.
206
00:13:34,586 --> 00:13:37,487
Next will be Eric Theodore Cartman.
207
00:13:37,656 --> 00:13:40,716
Hello, everybody. Just do it like we rehearsed.
208
00:13:40,892 --> 00:13:42,985
I know, I know.
209
00:14:07,886 --> 00:14:11,754
- Well, that certainly was insane.
- Thank you.
210
00:14:11,923 --> 00:14:14,153
- We'll let you know.
- Thank you.
211
00:14:14,326 --> 00:14:15,691
Don't pick your nose.
212
00:14:15,861 --> 00:14:19,194
I'm not picking it,
Mom! Goddamn it, I have an itch!
213
00:14:19,364 --> 00:14:20,956
Where do we find these people?
214
00:14:24,536 --> 00:14:28,666
Our minds are one, m'kay?
215
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:34,642
- Our thoughts are one, m'kay?
- This is the strangest thing ever.
216
00:14:34,813 --> 00:14:40,183
For a woman with a dead fetus on her head,
you're not being very open-minded.
217
00:14:40,719 --> 00:14:43,381
Open your mind to your counselor.
218
00:14:43,555 --> 00:14:46,080
Open your mind.
219
00:14:46,258 --> 00:14:49,159
- Dr. Adams.
- Yes.
220
00:14:49,327 --> 00:14:51,124
He owns the planetarium. So?
221
00:14:51,296 --> 00:14:55,289
He uses the machine, the star machine.
222
00:14:56,234 --> 00:15:00,295
- He uses it to erase minds.
- But why?
223
00:15:00,472 --> 00:15:04,306
Planetarium about to go out of business.
224
00:15:04,476 --> 00:15:07,775
Adams had to create slaves to survive.
225
00:15:07,946 --> 00:15:09,573
My God, this is amazing.
226
00:15:09,748 --> 00:15:13,013
Please, nurse! You're throwing off my chi, m'kay?
227
00:15:16,121 --> 00:15:18,521
We want to congratulate all finalists.
228
00:15:18,690 --> 00:15:23,525
Only one of our finalists can win.
Unfortunately, that finalist is Eric.
229
00:15:23,695 --> 00:15:25,060
Yes! I'm the best!
230
00:15:25,230 --> 00:15:30,497
You were our last choice.
But the others took jobs at the planetarium.
231
00:15:30,669 --> 00:15:32,500
- That's odd.
- Sweet!
232
00:15:32,671 --> 00:15:34,969
It appears that more and more people...
233
00:15:35,140 --> 00:15:37,904
...are discovering the wonder of the planetarium.
234
00:15:38,076 --> 00:15:43,036
Here with a report is a 34-year-old Asian
man who looks like Ricardo Montalban.
235
00:15:43,215 --> 00:15:46,343
Yes, the planetarium has become very popular...
236
00:15:46,518 --> 00:15:50,614
...as word spreads that it really
isn't as lame as once suspected.
237
00:15:50,789 --> 00:15:53,280
I'm here with its operator, Dr. Adams.
238
00:15:53,458 --> 00:15:57,451
I'd like to open an invitation
to all South Park residents...
239
00:15:57,629 --> 00:16:00,564
...to come see a special free show this evening.
240
00:16:00,732 --> 00:16:05,601
I guarantee it will change the way
you think about the planet-arium.
241
00:16:05,770 --> 00:16:10,605
So bring the whole family to the
planetarium for a night of excitement.
242
00:16:11,710 --> 00:16:14,577
We turned the dial, and Kenny went into hypnosis.
243
00:16:14,746 --> 00:16:18,147
- That's a pretty far-fetched story.
- But it's true.
244
00:16:18,316 --> 00:16:22,275
- You sure you're not making this up?
- Yeah, pretty sure.
245
00:16:22,454 --> 00:16:26,049
Just as soon as I handle all the
other crime in South Park...
246
00:16:26,224 --> 00:16:29,990
...I'll go with you to the
planetarium to prove nothing's wrong.
247
00:16:30,161 --> 00:16:33,153
- What other crime in South Park?
- Let's go.
248
00:16:34,232 --> 00:16:37,531
Okay, let's shoot. Where's our Cheesy Poofs talent?
249
00:16:37,702 --> 00:16:40,432
- I'm over here.
- You look great, hon.
250
00:16:40,605 --> 00:16:42,766
Mommy's fat little piggy.
251
00:16:43,842 --> 00:16:48,404
- Let's hurry. This costume is hot.
- Okay, roll camera. And action!
252
00:16:49,714 --> 00:16:52,911
Wait! Wait! You've got a little eye booger, hon.
253
00:16:53,084 --> 00:16:55,746
- Mom, for Pete's sake.
- Got it.
254
00:16:55,921 --> 00:16:57,149
And action!
255
00:16:58,423 --> 00:17:01,119
Hold it! Get more light on that backdrop.
256
00:17:01,293 --> 00:17:03,523
- Sure thing.
- Oh, man, come on.
257
00:17:04,162 --> 00:17:07,825
- Got it.
- Okay. Here we go. And action.
258
00:17:09,801 --> 00:17:11,701
Cut! I'm not liking the shoes.
259
00:17:11,870 --> 00:17:14,270
- Can we change the shoes?
- Goddamn it!
260
00:17:15,540 --> 00:17:20,273
- Hello, officer of the law.
- Hello, Mr. Planetarium Operator.
261
00:17:20,445 --> 00:17:23,414
- What brings you here?
- These boys seem to think...
262
00:17:23,581 --> 00:17:26,516
...you're some sick weirdo with a master plan...
263
00:17:26,685 --> 00:17:29,916
...to screw with the minds of everyone in town.
264
00:17:30,789 --> 00:17:34,225
- Really?
- Thought I'd come show them around...
265
00:17:34,392 --> 00:17:37,020
...so they know there's nothing to be scared of.
266
00:17:37,195 --> 00:17:39,686
This is a pretty inopportune time.
267
00:17:39,864 --> 00:17:43,766
- Okay, I'll be quick, then.
- Of course, officer. Come on in.
268
00:17:46,538 --> 00:17:50,167
- Hello, children.
- No! They got Chef too.
269
00:17:50,342 --> 00:17:52,537
Welcome to the planetarium.
270
00:17:52,711 --> 00:17:55,942
It's nice to see you finally got a real job, Chef.
271
00:17:56,114 --> 00:17:58,275
I love my work.
272
00:17:58,450 --> 00:18:01,510
I know what you mean.
I've always loved the planetarium.
273
00:18:01,686 --> 00:18:04,746
- Would you like to see the stars?
- No!
274
00:18:04,923 --> 00:18:07,915
- That would be super-duper.
- Don't do it!
275
00:18:08,093 --> 00:18:10,857
- Hello?
- Hi, Grandma. It's me Eric.
276
00:18:11,029 --> 00:18:14,795
Hello, Eric. Grandma sure has missed you.
277
00:18:14,966 --> 00:18:18,493
I wanted to remind you I'll be
on TV tonight. Be sure to watch.
278
00:18:18,670 --> 00:18:20,297
I will, Eric.
279
00:18:20,472 --> 00:18:24,932
I remember when I was a little girl
and had my first talent show audition-
280
00:18:25,110 --> 00:18:26,771
Okay, bye.
281
00:18:27,312 --> 00:18:30,839
Hello. The Marshes aren't in now.
Please leave a message.
282
00:18:31,016 --> 00:18:34,543
Stan, I'm going to be on TV tonight.
Be sure to watch.
283
00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:38,617
You've reached the Broflovski's. Leave a message.
284
00:18:38,790 --> 00:18:42,226
Where's everybody? I'll be on TV.
You better not miss it!
285
00:18:42,394 --> 00:18:45,295
This is the constellation called Cassiopeia.
286
00:18:45,463 --> 00:18:46,930
Neato.
287
00:18:47,966 --> 00:18:50,298
Now, officer, from this moment on...
288
00:18:50,468 --> 00:18:53,301
...you will think that you are Elvis Presley.
289
00:18:53,471 --> 00:18:57,407
To not be Elvis will cause you great pain.
290
00:18:57,575 --> 00:19:00,169
See, children, there's no stopping me.
291
00:19:00,345 --> 00:19:03,439
Even your intelligent
policemen are no match for me.
292
00:19:03,615 --> 00:19:05,640
- He's not intelligent.
- Why do this?
293
00:19:05,817 --> 00:19:09,844
Why? Because nowadays kids have
computers and Surround Sound TV.
294
00:19:10,021 --> 00:19:13,718
They've forgotten about planet-ariums.
I'll make them remember.
295
00:19:13,892 --> 00:19:15,757
Starting with the two of you.
296
00:19:16,928 --> 00:19:19,453
Terrance & Phillip will be right back.
297
00:19:19,631 --> 00:19:20,723
Here it comes.
298
00:19:20,899 --> 00:19:24,630
Full of ingredients, Cheesy Poofs can
give you a quick pick-me-up.
299
00:19:24,803 --> 00:19:26,464
er:
300
00:19:34,579 --> 00:19:36,945
- Lame.
- Now back to Terrance & Phillip.
301
00:19:37,115 --> 00:19:40,482
Yes! Yes! That was me! I was on television!
302
00:19:41,619 --> 00:19:45,385
- Caught you red-handed! M'kay?
- Mr. Mackey!
303
00:19:45,557 --> 00:19:49,960
Officer Barbrady, this man is
using some kind of mind control.
304
00:19:53,465 --> 00:19:56,093
What's wrong with him?
305
00:19:58,136 --> 00:20:02,573
- He thinks he's Charlton Heston.
- Idiot! He thinks he's Elvis.
306
00:20:02,740 --> 00:20:05,834
Elvis, escort our guests to the planet-arium.
307
00:20:06,010 --> 00:20:09,411
Folks, if you wouldn't mind,
could you please follow me?
308
00:20:14,319 --> 00:20:16,514
Well, let's begin, shall we?
309
00:20:17,255 --> 00:20:19,416
And now, you'll remember nothing...
310
00:20:19,591 --> 00:20:23,823
...except that the planet-arium is
the best thing you've ever known.
311
00:20:25,029 --> 00:20:27,998
Well, well, well, you guys can now kiss my ass...
312
00:20:28,166 --> 00:20:30,498
...because I was on television.
313
00:20:33,671 --> 00:20:36,663
Didn't you guys see it? I was on television.
314
00:20:36,841 --> 00:20:41,369
You missed it! You missed it
because of this stupid planetarium!
315
00:20:41,546 --> 00:20:44,071
Planetariums suck ass!
316
00:20:47,986 --> 00:20:50,477
- You saved us.
- The hell you talking about?
317
00:20:50,655 --> 00:20:52,680
Get over here and untie us.
318
00:20:52,857 --> 00:20:55,189
Eric, you really saved the day. M'kay?
319
00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:57,487
Not so fast there, tubby.
320
00:20:57,662 --> 00:21:02,224
- I'm just taking care of business.
- You're not the King of Rock 'n' Roll.
321
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:07,030
You're a fat, stupid, worthless
policeman in a small town. M'kay?
322
00:21:07,205 --> 00:21:11,232
Thank you from a fate worse than death, counselor.
323
00:21:11,409 --> 00:21:12,933
Oh, my God, Dr. Adams!
324
00:21:15,113 --> 00:21:16,978
He got a full dose of the stars.
325
00:21:17,148 --> 00:21:20,481
- With nobody around to say anything.
- Can you imagine it?
326
00:21:20,652 --> 00:21:23,143
A mind emptied by that thing.
327
00:21:24,756 --> 00:21:28,817
Wow, what a day this has been.
I was on TV, and I'm a hero.
328
00:21:28,993 --> 00:21:30,722
Don't pick your nose, hon.
329
00:21:30,895 --> 00:21:33,659
Goddamn it, Mom, I wasn't picking my nose!
26721
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