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1
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:11,022
Ok children each of you gets to choose
2 books from the booktastick bus.
2
00:02:11,150 --> 00:02:14,062
- Reading sucks ass!
- Eric, shut up!
3
00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:18,026
Boring, boring...
4
00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:21,779
- Gay, boring, boring.
- Hey guys, check out these books.
5
00:02:22,750 --> 00:02:25,344
- Sabrina unchained.
- Wow these books look cool!
6
00:02:27,350 --> 00:02:29,127
Hey there's a lot of big
words in these books.
7
00:02:29,539 --> 00:02:31,700
There's a lot of hot
vaginas and penises.
8
00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:35,186
- Hello kids! I see you're discovering
the magic of reading. - Who are you?
9
00:02:35,310 --> 00:02:37,727
I drive the Booktastic Bus
where magic begins.
10
00:02:37,728 --> 00:02:40,628
You see reading opens up
whole new worlds to you.
11
00:02:40,670 --> 00:02:44,267
You can take a canoe down the Amazon
or go back in time to Camelot
12
00:02:44,390 --> 00:02:49,145
or become a race car driver all by just opening
a book. Just like magic, the magic of reading.
13
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:50,828
God, shut up dude.
14
00:02:50,950 --> 00:02:55,228
Go ahead an pick any books you like.
Then get in, get into the magic!
15
00:02:55,350 --> 00:02:58,945
- If we read are we gonna become like that guy?
- Yeah this is stupid. Books aren't magical.
16
00:02:59,070 --> 00:03:02,346
I don't know I'm kind of getting
a tangly feeling looking at these.
17
00:03:03,510 --> 00:03:06,186
- Hey what's that?
- I don't know let's go see.
18
00:03:06,910 --> 00:03:11,028
Well being an officer of the
peace means a lot of things.
19
00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:14,426
It's a hard job, but then
again I'm a hard man.
20
00:03:14,550 --> 00:03:18,782
A lot of people think that in a small town
there isn't a lot for the law to do.
21
00:03:18,910 --> 00:03:20,423
Well, they're wrong.
22
00:03:20,550 --> 00:03:24,020
All units, all units, report to
Avenue 254 De Los Mexicanos
23
00:03:24,150 --> 00:03:25,583
Possible hostile situation.
24
00:03:26,070 --> 00:03:30,309
There you see, this could be a bank
robery or possibly even a murder.
25
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:32,410
This ain't no podunk little town.
26
00:03:32,590 --> 00:03:35,863
And Barbrady, your wife called, she wants
you to get some pizza on the way home.
27
00:03:35,864 --> 00:03:37,164
God damn it!
28
00:03:41,510 --> 00:03:45,503
Ok people, move along,
there's nothing to see here.
29
00:03:45,630 --> 00:03:47,297
- What's the trouble,
where's the body?
30
00:03:47,298 --> 00:03:51,948
Barbrady, I just caught some guy in
here having sex with one of my chickens.
31
00:03:57,950 --> 00:04:01,863
- My god that's disgusting! - Whoa dude.
Who'd have sex with a chicken?
32
00:04:01,990 --> 00:04:05,539
Uh boys you move along,
this isn't for young eyes to see.
33
00:04:05,670 --> 00:04:07,845
- Did you get a good
look at the suspect?
34
00:04:07,846 --> 00:04:11,246
Naw, I didn't see anything.
It just happened so fast.
35
00:04:11,390 --> 00:04:14,541
Well, uh. This is quite
interesting, huh guys?
36
00:04:14,670 --> 00:04:16,891
Uh, we're gonna go grab some lunch
37
00:04:16,892 --> 00:04:20,292
and maybe get some shots of those
turtles down at the pond.
38
00:04:20,790 --> 00:04:23,304
- Aww, camel poo.
- Hey what's this?
39
00:04:23,470 --> 00:04:25,347
- It looks like a note.
- Give me that!
40
00:04:25,550 --> 00:04:29,907
- That's a clue and you'll get your stinky
DNA all over it. - What does it say?
41
00:04:32,830 --> 00:04:37,062
"Sorry I had sex with the chicken.
I won't do it again, bye-bye."
42
00:04:37,190 --> 00:04:41,069
- Well there you have it, case closed. - Damn
it Barbrady, what the hell's wrong with you?
43
00:04:41,190 --> 00:04:45,183
Everytime something happens in this town
you say 'Nothing to see here' and 'Case closed'.
44
00:04:45,310 --> 00:04:48,382
But we want justice!
We have to find this sicko.
45
00:04:48,510 --> 00:04:52,161
I said return to your homes,
before I start arresting people.
46
00:04:52,162 --> 00:04:53,962
For what? Orderly conduct?
47
00:04:54,030 --> 00:04:57,181
- How about fishing without a license?
- I'm not fishin'!
48
00:04:57,182 --> 00:04:59,182
What do you call this then?
49
00:04:59,310 --> 00:05:03,100
If you do not comply I'll be forced to
execute each and everyone of you
50
00:05:03,101 --> 00:05:04,301
by gun shots in the head.
51
00:05:05,390 --> 00:05:11,022
That's right return to your simple lives.
Just forget this ever happened.
52
00:05:11,630 --> 00:05:13,302
Forget, forget.
53
00:05:13,430 --> 00:05:16,581
- Wow, Barbrady sure is acting weird.
- Yeah, I wonder what's wrong?
54
00:05:32,590 --> 00:05:34,546
Welcome to Fran's,
can I help you?
55
00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:44,425
- Sir, can I help you? - Uh, just give me 2
cheeseburgers and some jalepeno poppers.
56
00:05:45,230 --> 00:05:47,619
- Sir there is just one problem.
- What's that?
57
00:05:47,750 --> 00:05:50,310
We're a bank.
58
00:05:51,430 --> 00:05:55,042
I know that smarty-pants! What
do you think I'm some kind of idiot??
59
00:05:55,343 --> 00:05:56,743
Yes.
60
00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:01,389
I can't go on living this life.
61
00:06:02,990 --> 00:06:07,939
With chicken after chicken being violated the
South Park police are under increasing presure
62
00:06:08,070 --> 00:06:10,789
to solve the case
of the chicken fucker.
63
00:06:10,910 --> 00:06:12,555
We now go live to
a press conference
64
00:06:12,556 --> 00:06:16,256
where Offier Barbrady and the
mayor are fielding questions.
65
00:06:16,390 --> 00:06:20,144
Officer Barbrady what would drive
a man to such a disgusting act?
66
00:06:20,270 --> 00:06:24,786
Well nobody can say for sure,
no motive has yet been established.
67
00:06:24,910 --> 00:06:28,903
- Do the police have any leads?
- Well most 3D computer modeling
68
00:06:29,030 --> 00:06:32,864
and attempted sizemology have
not given us any leads as of yet.
69
00:06:32,990 --> 00:06:38,587
- But has chicken fucker left any clues at
the crime... - Alright! Alright! I can't read!!
70
00:06:41,990 --> 00:06:45,026
There I said it. I can't read!
Are you happy now?
71
00:06:45,150 --> 00:06:49,100
You pushed and you pushed and
now you all know my terrible secret.
72
00:06:49,290 --> 00:06:54,424
I'm illegitemate. I'm not fit
to be a policeman. I retire!
73
00:06:56,350 --> 00:07:00,138
Ok, thank you all for coming there's
ah coffee and brownies out front.
74
00:07:00,270 --> 00:07:03,572
And so Officer Barbrady is
taken a leave of abcense,
75
00:07:03,573 --> 00:07:08,000
and South Park will have to manage
without any police force for a while.
76
00:07:08,150 --> 00:07:11,586
This just in! South Park has
plunged into total anarchy.
77
00:07:11,950 --> 00:07:15,212
Exactly 2 seconds after the
retirement of Officer Barbrady
78
00:07:15,213 --> 00:07:19,213
looting and pillaging erupted
in the quiet mountain town.
79
00:07:22,630 --> 00:07:27,863
- Whoopee! This is killer! - With no cops
around, we can do whatever we want!
80
00:07:28,070 --> 00:07:30,538
- Whoa dude. What's going on?
- I don't know.
81
00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:33,542
Oh my god! They've killed...
82
00:07:34,790 --> 00:07:36,746
Oh, nevermind.
83
00:07:37,030 --> 00:07:41,785
I don't believe it. All this time Barbrady
actually did keep this town peaceful.
84
00:07:41,910 --> 00:07:44,822
- Who knew? I always thought
he was a complete idiot. - He is.
85
00:07:46,110 --> 00:07:50,023
- What do you plan to do about the South
Park riots? - No reason for concern.
86
00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:54,780
I want to assure all of you that Officer
Barbrady is still are active police enforcer.
87
00:07:54,910 --> 00:07:59,028
- VBut he's illiterate. What do you plan to do?
- Ahh.. plan? I don't actually...
88
00:07:59,150 --> 00:08:01,369
Reading classes.
Plain and simple.
89
00:08:01,370 --> 00:08:04,739
By the mayor's order Officer Barbrady is on
temporary leave of absense to learn to read.
90
00:08:04,740 --> 00:08:06,078
Effective immidiately.
91
00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:09,341
Yes that's right. It's back to
school with Officer Barbrady!
92
00:08:10,950 --> 00:08:16,149
Now children we have a new student joining
us today. Please say hi to Officer Barbrady.
93
00:08:17,550 --> 00:08:18,782
- I can't see dude!
94
00:08:18,783 --> 00:08:22,683
Ok now since our focus has been on
readin let's review some of the basics.
95
00:08:22,790 --> 00:08:26,544
- Yes what is it?
- I need to go poopies.
96
00:08:27,390 --> 00:08:31,463
Officer Barbrady in school we go to
the bathroom before and after class.
97
00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:33,979
Oh Christ, how
do you kids do it?
98
00:08:34,110 --> 00:08:37,944
Now does anyone have any suggestions where
we should begin with Officer Barbrady?
99
00:08:38,070 --> 00:08:42,268
- How about a brain transplant? - Now Kyle
let's be supportive of our new student.
100
00:08:42,390 --> 00:08:44,506
Give him the nourturing environment
he needs to thrive.
101
00:08:44,630 --> 00:08:49,067
Now I'm going to write a sentence and I
want us all to help Officer Barbrady read it.
102
00:08:50,710 --> 00:08:52,826
Give it a shot Officer Barbrady.
103
00:08:57,310 --> 00:08:59,665
BZZZT! Wrong!
Try again dumbass!
104
00:09:02,110 --> 00:09:04,814
Ok, ok, maybe we should try
something a little easier.
105
00:09:04,815 --> 00:09:07,715
We can work our way
up to the hard ones.
106
00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:09,661
Go ahead Barbrady,
don't be scared.
107
00:09:13,710 --> 00:09:17,305
- BZZT! DERRR! Did you hear that Mr.Hat?
- I sure did Mr.Garrison! What a retard!
108
00:09:19,230 --> 00:09:23,508
- Did you kids actually learn how to read this
way? - No, we just fake it to shut him up.
109
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:27,509
Ok, ok, alright,
I'm sorry, let's try again.
110
00:09:33,590 --> 00:09:38,266
Say, what are nice chickens like
you doing in a coop like this?
111
00:09:43,530 --> 00:09:46,535
Now children I hope you all had
a good time reading your books
112
00:09:46,536 --> 00:09:49,436
and are prepared for
your book reports.
113
00:09:49,570 --> 00:09:52,209
Who should we have go
first Mr. Hat? Let's see.
114
00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:56,562
- Oh how about Stan or Kyle?
- Eric why don't you go first?
115
00:09:57,610 --> 00:10:00,841
- What's the matter Eric, you no
prepared again? - I'm prepared!
116
00:10:01,930 --> 00:10:05,718
For my book report I read...
The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe.
117
00:10:05,850 --> 00:10:08,842
It was, very, very good.
Have you read it Mr. Garrison?
118
00:10:08,970 --> 00:10:11,530
- No, I can't say that I have.
- Oh good.
119
00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:15,882
I the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe a
bunch of uh, hippies walk around and paint stuff.
120
00:10:16,010 --> 00:10:19,082
They eat lunch and then
they find a magical....
121
00:10:19,210 --> 00:10:23,089
camel which they have to eat to stay alive.
And that's pretty much it, I give it a B minus.
122
00:10:23,210 --> 00:10:27,044
- And I give you an F Eric,
now sit down. - God damnit!!
123
00:10:28,890 --> 00:10:31,882
Ok Officer Barbrady, why don't
you give us your book report.
124
00:10:33,930 --> 00:10:37,843
I've just finished reading the
heartwarming novel "Go Dog, Go!"
125
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:42,009
I found it a compelling and disturbing
look the canine psychie.
126
00:10:42,130 --> 00:10:44,769
If I may read a passage:
127
00:10:45,010 --> 00:10:48,002
Big dog...
128
00:10:48,130 --> 00:10:50,166
little dog...
129
00:10:53,330 --> 00:10:57,960
A red dog, on a...
130
00:10:59,250 --> 00:11:02,481
Well anyway, I don't wanna
give away the ending,
131
00:11:02,610 --> 00:11:07,638
but I will say that it spirals toward an
incredible twist turn that parallels my own life.
132
00:11:07,770 --> 00:11:12,844
Thank you Officer Barbrady, that was a very
good book report indeed. I'll give you an A.
133
00:11:12,970 --> 00:11:15,484
- Hooray!
- Goody-two-shoes!
134
00:11:18,330 --> 00:11:23,120
Swingset, swingset,
up and down I go.
135
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:27,801
Whoosh goes the willie-wind,
flowing through my toes.
136
00:11:28,010 --> 00:11:31,200
- Dude, I think Officer Barbrady enjoys
being in school too much.
137
00:11:31,201 --> 00:11:33,001
Yeah, isn't he just supposed to
be learning how to read?
138
00:11:33,090 --> 00:11:37,402
Swingset, swingset
up and down I go!
139
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,839
Officer Barbrady!
What are you doing?
140
00:11:42,210 --> 00:11:43,768
Oh my god! They killed...
141
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:48,280
- Oh nevermind. - Well how's
the reading coming along?
142
00:11:48,410 --> 00:11:52,198
- Uh, pretty good. - Barbrady,
we really need you to speed this up!
143
00:11:52,330 --> 00:11:55,003
- The chicken fucker struck
again last night! - Oh no!
144
00:11:55,130 --> 00:12:00,158
Oh mayor, please, when we're around
children we prefer to call him the chicken lover.
145
00:12:00,290 --> 00:12:04,681
This time he made love to Karla Weather's
pride chicken. She's catatonick.
146
00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:09,201
- Who, Karla Weathers, or the chicken? - The
perpetrator left this clue at the crime scene.
147
00:12:09,330 --> 00:12:12,049
Oh I can't read this,
it has silent E's.
148
00:12:12,170 --> 00:12:14,356
- You have to learn to
read faster Barbrady!
149
00:12:14,357 --> 00:12:17,757
- I'm doing the best I can!
I even got a A on my book report!
150
00:12:17,890 --> 00:12:20,250
Listen buddy! Either you
learn to read quick
151
00:12:20,251 --> 00:12:23,351
or else I'm gonna find a law officer
to replace you forever!
152
00:12:27,570 --> 00:12:31,279
- Hey what'd you do that for?
- Ahh, just dramatic effect, sorry.
153
00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:37,846
Oh boy, I'm in big trouble. I'll never learn to
read fast enough, and the town is in chaos.
154
00:12:37,970 --> 00:12:41,929
- It's cool dude, we'll help you.
- Hey that's right, you can help me.
155
00:12:42,050 --> 00:12:45,645
Under article 39
section 2 of police code,
156
00:12:45,770 --> 00:12:49,046
I'm allowed to deputize
citizens in a time of chrisis.
157
00:12:49,170 --> 00:12:52,480
- Really? I wann be a cop!
- You boys will be my deputies.
158
00:12:52,610 --> 00:12:55,920
You can help me restore order,
catch the chicken lover
159
00:12:56,050 --> 00:12:57,927
and swing me on the swingset.
160
00:12:58,130 --> 00:13:01,645
- Do I get a nightstick?
- Sure, nightsticks for everybody!
161
00:13:01,770 --> 00:13:06,560
You keep a tab on crime in the city. And
we'll try to solve the chickenlover case.
162
00:13:06,730 --> 00:13:08,527
10-4 sergent!
163
00:13:08,890 --> 00:13:10,926
Now what did that clue say again?
164
00:13:11,050 --> 00:13:15,965
If you want to know where I'll strike next, read
bumbly wumbly and the spotted spacecraft.
165
00:13:16,090 --> 00:13:19,127
To the booktastic bus deputies!
We haven't a moment to spare.
166
00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:25,401
Good day friends! Welcome to
the magical world of reading.
167
00:13:25,530 --> 00:13:29,239
We need a copy of Bumbly Wumbly and
the Spotted Space Craft right away!
168
00:13:29,370 --> 00:13:32,407
Ooh! That's a very magical book,
full of wonders...
169
00:13:32,530 --> 00:13:34,839
Ah just give us the
damn book, fruitcake!
170
00:13:37,410 --> 00:13:39,685
- What's it say?
- It says...
171
00:13:42,290 --> 00:13:45,043
- What's this word?
- I.
172
00:13:45,490 --> 00:13:48,129
Oh yeah, I... mmmaa... mma.
173
00:13:48,570 --> 00:13:49,719
Here give me that!
174
00:13:49,850 --> 00:13:52,603
I am bumbly wumbly.
I live in the pond.
175
00:13:52,770 --> 00:13:55,221
- The pond. Hey maybe
that means Stark's Pond.
176
00:13:55,222 --> 00:13:59,600
That's quick thinking deputy. Let's
get to Stark's Pond Immidiately.
177
00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:25,162
- Yes, officer? - I caught you at
40 miles an hour back there.
178
00:14:25,290 --> 00:14:27,200
- Do you know what
speed limit it hea?
179
00:14:27,201 --> 00:14:30,781
Well according to that sign right
there it's 40 miles and hour.
180
00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:34,804
- Step out of the car please, sir. - Wait
a second, aren't you Stan's little friend?
181
00:14:34,930 --> 00:14:37,239
Sir, step out of the car, please.
182
00:14:37,370 --> 00:14:40,282
Yeah, you're the one that always
plugs up the toilet in our house.
183
00:14:40,410 --> 00:14:44,608
Ay! I am a cop and you will
respect my authoritay.
184
00:14:44,730 --> 00:14:48,086
Yeah right. You better get
back to school little boy.
185
00:14:48,450 --> 00:14:50,839
Get your ass to jail!
186
00:14:51,050 --> 00:14:53,610
Hey what the hell are you doing?
You can't do that?
187
00:14:58,290 --> 00:15:02,647
- Aww, weak dude. We're too late. - Well,
the chickens don't seem to really mind.
188
00:15:02,770 --> 00:15:05,489
Well this is terrible. Now who
would have sex with a chicken?
189
00:15:05,690 --> 00:15:07,567
I would!
190
00:15:08,050 --> 00:15:11,281
Oh you couldn't screw anything
Halfy, you don't have any legs!
191
00:15:13,810 --> 00:15:16,529
Have some respect for people's
feelings would you Halfy?
192
00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:19,489
Come one dudes, we need
to look for another clue.
193
00:15:19,610 --> 00:15:22,283
- Here, here, I found one!
- What's it say, what's it say?
194
00:15:22,410 --> 00:15:30,044
- It says, read Teetle the timid ta...ta..
the taxi.. what's this word? - I don't know.
195
00:15:36,010 --> 00:15:37,921
Ta..ta...tad...taxidermist.
196
00:15:40,010 --> 00:15:43,241
I read it!
I read it all by myself!
197
00:15:49,090 --> 00:15:52,287
Well I've been working this
beat for about 3 days now.
198
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:56,688
You definitly have to have pretty thick
skin or else people just walk all over you.
199
00:15:56,810 --> 00:15:59,961
Sometimes you have to go undercover
to get the worst of them.
200
00:16:04,970 --> 00:16:09,248
- Hi there little lady.
- What, what are you doing tonight?
201
00:16:09,370 --> 00:16:13,283
Well hopefully spending some time
with you gorgeous. Is $20 enough?
202
00:16:13,410 --> 00:16:17,961
- Sir? Step out of the car, please.
- What? Uh-oh, is this a bust?
203
00:16:18,090 --> 00:16:19,921
Sir? Step out of the car.
204
00:16:21,370 --> 00:16:26,603
- Hey wait a minute, you're just a kid. - Maybe
this will teach you to listen to authoritay.
205
00:16:28,970 --> 00:16:30,528
OW! OOOWW! Hey man
what are you doing?
206
00:16:30,650 --> 00:16:31,924
Ow! Stop it!
207
00:16:34,450 --> 00:16:38,841
Well sometimes upholding the
law is not easy, but you get there
208
00:16:38,970 --> 00:16:40,528
one day at a time.
209
00:16:41,990 --> 00:16:43,901
I got a TV. C'mon!
210
00:16:45,910 --> 00:16:51,382
Teetle, the timid taxidermist,
211
00:16:52,430 --> 00:16:54,227
loves to...
212
00:16:54,350 --> 00:16:57,023
Oh god damn reading is lame!
213
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,425
- How's it going dude?
- Terrible! I give up.
214
00:16:59,550 --> 00:17:04,260
- I'm not fit to be a cop.
- Come on dude, it's not that hard.
215
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:07,382
- It is too!
- Just read the sentence.
216
00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:14,541
Teetle the timid taxidermist
loves to go to the pet, pet...
217
00:17:14,710 --> 00:17:17,986
- Come on dumbass! You can do it!
- Pet... wait a minute.
218
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:24,507
Conjugate the verb.
Conjugate the verb.
219
00:17:24,630 --> 00:17:28,589
Yes, conjugate the verb.
220
00:17:29,070 --> 00:17:31,823
Petting... petting zoo!
221
00:17:31,950 --> 00:17:34,305
He loves to go to
the petting zoo!!
222
00:17:34,430 --> 00:17:36,307
Boys, we're off!
223
00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:43,865
All units, all units: 5-12 at 635 Avenue De
Los Mexicanos 635. Request assistance.
224
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:55,060
- Sir, could you step out of the
car please? - We're fine, officer.
225
00:17:55,190 --> 00:17:59,706
- And, who's, who's in here with you?
- Just me and my wife and my brother.
226
00:17:59,830 --> 00:18:03,389
And my wife's cousin, and his son, and
my brother's girlfriend and our two kids.
227
00:18:03,390 --> 00:18:03,890
Hey Cartman.
228
00:18:03,910 --> 00:18:07,186
And my brother's girldfriend's mother,
and this guy Bob who I met last year.
229
00:18:07,310 --> 00:18:09,744
Poor people tend
to live in clusters.
230
00:18:09,870 --> 00:18:13,988
- What? What did you say? - Nothing.
Now sir is there some kind of...
231
00:18:14,110 --> 00:18:19,147
I want him out of my house! He ain't
workin' shit! He can't even hold a fuckin' job!
232
00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:20,540
Shut up bitch!
233
00:18:20,570 --> 00:18:24,066
Ok, ok let's try to watch the language
there's children present hea.
234
00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:25,828
You lazy ass mother fucker!
235
00:18:25,950 --> 00:18:29,625
- Look what she did to my fuckin'
eye! - I'll do it again!
236
00:18:29,626 --> 00:18:31,026
Come on mom, beat him up!
237
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,987
Mom hit dad again!
238
00:18:33,390 --> 00:18:39,499
Now, the first thing to do in domestic disturbance
calls like this one is to calm everybody down.
239
00:18:39,630 --> 00:18:42,098
RESPECT MY AUTHORITAY!!
240
00:18:42,731 --> 00:18:44,199
Come on Cartman beat 'em up!
241
00:18:44,230 --> 00:18:47,905
All units, all units!
We have a 520 on the suspect.
242
00:18:48,030 --> 00:18:50,544
Report to the South Park
petting zoo imidiately.
243
00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:52,149
Chicken lover.
244
00:18:55,750 --> 00:19:00,824
Keep your eyes peeled boys. Somebody's
gonna make love to this chicken any minute.
245
00:19:01,710 --> 00:19:04,881
- Maybe we were wrong about the clue.
- Yeah, maybe you read it wrong.
246
00:19:05,182 --> 00:19:06,382
Oh no!
247
00:19:10,910 --> 00:19:13,344
Keep your eyes peeled.
248
00:19:14,150 --> 00:19:16,186
Look!
249
00:19:16,310 --> 00:19:18,540
- He's here!
- Grab him!
250
00:19:20,030 --> 00:19:23,147
Uh, can't this
thing go any faster??
251
00:19:29,990 --> 00:19:31,423
Uh! Oh my god!
They've killed...
252
00:19:31,424 --> 00:19:32,669
Oh, it didn't even touch me.
253
00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:36,583
- God damn it! - I knew it was
you all along Richard Nixon!
254
00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:39,144
I think that's a mask dude.
255
00:19:40,350 --> 00:19:42,659
Whoa dude! It's the
bookmobile driver!
256
00:19:42,790 --> 00:19:47,068
- Caught you red-handed! - Indeed you did!
How did you know I would strike here?
257
00:19:47,190 --> 00:19:49,927
- By reading Teetle the
Timid Taxidermist.
258
00:19:49,928 --> 00:19:54,728
You did? Really? Then it worked. My
whole plan worked absolutely perfectly!
259
00:19:54,870 --> 00:19:58,624
- What are you talking about, dude? - When
I heard that Officer Barbrady couldn't read,
260
00:19:58,750 --> 00:20:00,706
I knew I had to
motivate him somehow.
261
00:20:00,830 --> 00:20:04,425
So I formulated a plan to encourage
him to learn the magic of reading.
262
00:20:04,550 --> 00:20:08,543
-So you fucked a bunch of chickens?
- Yes! Yes exactly! Don't you see?
263
00:20:08,670 --> 00:20:12,424
Only by fucking chickens could I get
Officer Barbrady to become literate.
264
00:20:12,550 --> 00:20:17,021
- That doesn't make a whole lot of sence,
dude. - Oh no? He who is blind cannot see.
265
00:20:17,870 --> 00:20:21,306
I got Officer Barbrady to read,
my plan worked perfectly.
266
00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:24,547
Well I guess I should say, thanks?
267
00:20:24,670 --> 00:20:25,633
You're welcome!
268
00:20:25,634 --> 00:20:28,734
And now my reading friend you've proven
that you are ready for the big time.
269
00:20:28,990 --> 00:20:32,619
I give you this hardback copy of
Atlas Shrugged by Ann Ryand.
270
00:20:32,750 --> 00:20:35,105
- Freeze put your hands in the air!
- Cartman!
271
00:20:35,230 --> 00:20:37,585
I got the reports that the
suspect is in this area.
272
00:20:37,710 --> 00:20:38,602
Well, he is.
273
00:20:38,603 --> 00:20:42,403
It turns out that the bookmobile driver
here was the one making love to chickens.
274
00:20:42,550 --> 00:20:45,223
- Ow! That hurts!
- Whoa dude! - Cartman!
275
00:20:45,350 --> 00:20:48,387
No, no, that's not how
you uphold the law.
276
00:20:48,510 --> 00:20:51,820
But he is not listening
to my authoritay!
277
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:57,104
Oh, oh you've got it all wrong my
little friend. You do it like this:
278
00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:01,180
You gotta get 'em in the head.
They go down quicker.
279
00:21:02,070 --> 00:21:04,664
I guess you should leave policework
to the professionals, huh Cartman?
280
00:21:04,870 --> 00:21:07,100
Well anyway, I'm relieving
you of your duties.
281
00:21:07,230 --> 00:21:11,542
I've proved that I can read
and now I'm back on the job!
282
00:21:12,590 --> 00:21:14,262
Hey! So what are
you gonna do now?
283
00:21:14,750 --> 00:21:18,540
Now? Well, I uh...
284
00:21:18,670 --> 00:21:22,707
...I think I'll get in the bathtub and
then curl up with a good book.
285
00:21:47,150 --> 00:21:51,268
In today's news, South Park has a
parade to honor Officer Barbrady...
286
00:21:51,390 --> 00:21:54,223
...and his heroic work on
the chicken fucking case.
287
00:21:57,750 --> 00:22:00,059
Thank you everybody.
Thank you!
288
00:22:00,190 --> 00:22:01,942
Speech! Speech!
289
00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:04,290
- What? - They want you to
give a speech, Officer Barbrady.
290
00:22:04,291 --> 00:22:06,191
About the whole experiece over
the last couple of days.
291
00:22:06,230 --> 00:22:10,223
Oh ok. Well first of all I'd like to
thank the town of South Park,
292
00:22:10,590 --> 00:22:14,219
the town that borne me, and eventually
will rob me of my life precious.
293
00:22:15,350 --> 00:22:19,565
Second, I'd like to say to all those out there
who think they can screw chickens
294
00:22:19,566 --> 00:22:20,766
just to teach people to read:
295
00:22:20,830 --> 00:22:23,105
Your days are numbered!!
296
00:22:24,230 --> 00:22:29,748
And finally, I'd like to say that
reading totally sucks ass!
297
00:22:30,710 --> 00:22:35,830
Yes at first I was happy to be learning how
to read, it seemed exciting and magical.
298
00:22:35,950 --> 00:22:39,704
But then I read this. Atlas
Shrugged by Ann Ryand.
299
00:22:39,830 --> 00:22:42,517
I read every last
word of this garbage
300
00:22:42,518 --> 00:22:45,618
and because of this piece of shit,
I'm never reading again!
301
00:22:45,750 --> 00:22:47,229
Hooray for Barbrady!
302
00:22:48,430 --> 00:22:50,718
- Wow, I guess reading
really does suck ass.
303
00:22:50,719 --> 00:22:52,919
Hey, that's what I've been
saying all along you guys.
304
00:22:53,110 --> 00:22:55,988
I'm just glad everything turned out OK.
And Barbrady got his job back.
305
00:22:56,110 --> 00:22:58,544
- It's poetic justice.
- Thanks boys!
26724
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