Original subtitles

[Music]

Hey step mom, hey step sis. Whatcha doing?

Hey.

Watching a movie.

Watching a movie? What are you guys watching?

This like crime show I guess. It's like not the best one but they keep coming out with like multiple like the same things.

Crime show? For you guys like 40 or something? Who watches crime show? It's like old retirement.

It's good for the background.

I guess.

We were mostly just talking.

Well yeah waiting for dad to get home.

Your father, how do they ever home these days?

It's so annoying. I just don't understand it cause what's the point of like making all these rules and making us abide by them if he's not even gonna be around?

Right.

I haven't seen him in a couple days. But he keeps texting me telling me he wants me to clean the whole house and da da da da da da, and he's not even here.

He has been.

Yeah, he's not even here. He's not even here to see it. He's just texting me this.

Wow, your father.

That's okay though. You know, father's just gonna be how father is and it's just gonna be fine.

Yeah, but we just got married two years ago like we should still be in our honeymoon phase.

Yeah, that is true. I don't know why he doesn't buy you anymore flowers anymore. Like he should be doing that shit.

You've noticed it.

He's been stalking for a couple months.

Oh really?

Don't you think so?

Yeah, pa-doo, pa-doo, pa-doo.

Yeah, he used to always bring her flowers. He used to always like, yeah, no.

Friday night, date night?

Yeah, it was the last time he took you out on a date.

I don't even know.

Yeah, you need to do something about that.

Damn. I hope he's not listening to us through the cameras.

Well, if he is, that'd be pretty bad.

I hope he is. I hope he is. I hope you can hear us.

That'd be pretty ridiculous.

Actually, I turned the cameras off on you, so I was out of town.

Do you really?

Yeah, he's spy on us.

How is he not sending me things? I wonder if he even checks it.

I guess not.

Could you imagine if he were to check me?

Check what?

The cameras.

Oh, the cameras.

I turn them off when he leaves. I don't want him to spy on us.

Oh my god, he's probably going to see me, like, scratch my butt.

Cameras are just to keep an eye on the animals, that's all.

Yeah.

So, we're safe here.

Yeah, we should be okay.

Yeah, we got our dogs and we have our security cameras outside.

I just don't want them watching us while we're in here, you know?

How was school, by the way, Reese? Was everything going good?

School was okay. I mean, it's just kind of lame, though,

because I want to tell my dad about my day at school, but he's never around.

There's never anyone to really talk to about my day at school.

Don't you have Spanish on Tuesdays and Thursdays?

He doesn't even know that! He doesn't even know that!

You know that!

Yes.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah, I just wish I could help you with your Spanish homework.

What are we going to do about this situation?

I don't know.

I don't know either. I mean, I do need to work on my flashcards later.

Flashcards?

For tomorrow for Spanish.

Oh, I can tell him how to study.

It's like the adverbs and pronouns.

Pronouns?

The Spanish adverbs and pronouns.

What are Spanish pronouns?

I'm not really good at them. Isn't it like "ustedes" and "maybe"? Right? No?

I don't know.

Why?

I don't know either.

I mean, all I know is like, I know how to say like... Oh my God, I'm not even going to go there.

I haven't been paying attention in class!

Obviously!

I haven't been paying attention in class!

Girl, you know, like, as long as you pass, I don't care.

Right, listen to your mom.

That's what I'm up to, Dad.

She's passing, right?

Yeah!

She's passing, you know?

She got grounded for getting a C.

Right. Your mom has two Cs too.

You don't say.

They're more like Bs.

I just... I don't know.

I feel like if Dad was around, maybe I'd want to try harder.

Try harder? You're trying your best. That's all that matters, right?

We do have a lot of fun here without Dad, your dad being here.

We do have a lot of fun here without Dad being here.

We do.

I mean, we could have something fun for dinner tonight.

That'd be healthy.

Oh my gosh, like what?

What do you guys want for dinner?

Oh, I don't know.

I will make it. I will order it.

Whatever you guys want.

We were talking about Spanish class.

I kind of want some tacos.

Spanish class?

You know, like some tacos.

Maybe we can make some non-alcoholic margaritas.

Non-alcoholic margaritas.

Like something really fun, you know?

Margaritas!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Okay, we could even put the salt on the rim of the cup.

Of course!

Like a super fun thing.

I mean, if you like it sweet, we can even do sugar, too.

Yeah!

That's so great!

Yeah, just like the- haven't you seen the little-

That's not a martini glass, it's a margarita glass.

Martini glass.

We just put like a little sugar on it to make it a sweeter one.

Because I think they taste better when they're sweeter.

Like candy.

I know what you're talking about.

Yeah.

It'll taste like cream if you really try it.

Yeah, like do you like strawberries?

I do! I love strawberries.

Yeah, do you like strawberry margaritas?

I do.

Yeah, we could probably make some of those.

Mmm!

Mmm, that, some tacos, we can make some like chips and pasties.

*chomping noises*

Oh my god, I love guacamole!

Me too!

We have fresh avocados too and everything.

We do.

We could easily make some just- just simple, just a simple little nice like guacamole recipe.

And it's easy!

Yeah.

I think I actually just did the dishes too, so the blender should be clean so we can make all the sauce and stuff.

Oh, you're such a good stepdaughter!

You have to do the dishes.

Oh, thank you!

Oh, I'm breaking the furniture.

That'll pay for it.

Yeah.

*laughter*

It's okay.

*sigh*

Mmm, guacamole.

I know to make the homemade chips don't we just put the tortillas in like the oven or something?

I don't know, I think I read something about that.

Yeah, sprinkle a little salt on it.

Oooh, that sounds like so much fun!

Yes!

Um, what else can we do?

I don't know, but you saying uh, virgin margaritas makes me wonder if you've ever had alcohol before young lady.

I've never had alcohol before.

No, probably not, this one.

Really?

No, she's a good girl.

She just you know, practices her Spanish and all that stuff.

You doing good in Spanish?

Yeah, I'm an over-the-counter girl.

She's a good girl.

She's a good girl.

- Mm-hmm.

- See, in Spanish it's great.

(chomping)

- It's true, it's a different language.

It's so hard.

- And she's been studying the culture.

She knows about Mexican food and all that stuff, you know?

- Yeah!

- It's been, it's been quite wonderful.

- I don't like cico de bio.

- See, cico de bio.

- Yeah!

- It just passed and stuff.

You know, I think this will be great.

And dad will, he'll just have to deal with it.

- Yeah.

- You know, you'll show up and we'll have Mexican food.

It'll be fine.

- Yeah.

If there's any left by the time he gets home?

- Any left, that's right.

(laughing)

- If there's any food left, I mean,

depends on what time he gets home.

- Yeah.

Oh.

Why don't you guys do anything else today?

(sighing)

- I spent half the day sitting in traffic.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Was it really bad today?

- It was, I don't know why.

It's Wednesday afternoon, but you know how the 101 is.

But I didn't mind it, 'cause it was a new car.

- Oh, really?

- Yes!

- Oh my God.

- I still can't believe dad managed to pull all that

paperwork off of it.

- I know.

You know what?

I should let you guys drive the car since dad and I are two.

- You can't tell him that.

- I won't, I won't.

See, now you know why I turn the cameras off.

I'm a cool stepmom!

(laughing)

- You're not a regular mom.

You're a cool mom. - No, exactly.

(laughing)

You should watch that movie tonight.

- You should, that'd be so much fun.

- Yeah.

- I don't know what movie you guys are talking about.

(laughing)

- It's a girl movie.

- Oh, okay.

- You wouldn't understand.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Well, do we get to, can we watch a,

to watch a movie after dinner?

- Yeah.

- Well, if dad's not around,

could we watch a movie during dinner?

- Oh my God, no.

Can we watch like, maybe a PG-13 movie?

- PG-13?

- And not in the dining room?

Oh my God.

Like in front of the TV?

- Yeah. - Yeah, on the TV.

- But like, you can't tell him.

- All right, all right.

But don't you guys stain any of this furniture, oh my God.

- What am I gonna do to stain this furniture?

There's nothing I could possibly do

to stain this furniture at all, you know what I mean?

- Yeah, like there's even like the little blanket on it.

- Yeah, I'm not gonna drop food on it or anything,

or like, you know.

- Yeah.

- Nothing, nothing at all, you know?

So, what I could possibly do to stain furniture.

I'm a very clean eater and stuff like that.

I don't make messes.

- Uh-uh.

- Yeah, I'm a very clean.

- Right. - Yeah.

- Well she, I don't know, she might,

she's a little messy eater, aren't you?

- I mean, I'm not that messy.

- She likes to clean though.

- No, I don't think I'm messy. - She cleans a lot.

- She cleans a lot. - Yeah.

- Yeah, I mean, well dad's always messaging me to clean,

so I don't have to. - I work, I can't believe that.

- I know, I don't know why he makes me the maid of the house.

- I don't even know why he's doing that.

- Well, it's just you're the youngest, that's what happens.

- Well, it's just so stupid, like I don't,

I have school, like I have other things I need to do.

- Why?

- Other than just like clean.

- It's what I believe in.

- You know what she said, you know?

- Uh-huh.

- You're trying your best and everything, you're succeeding

at school and it's just going good.

You know, I myself, you know, I went to school,

did all that stuff, I'm out of school now and you know,

now I'm just hanging out at home for now.

- Uh-huh.

- You know, I might be in between jobs,

but I'm trying my best.

- It's okay, it's okay, son, I don't mind.

- Yeah, it's normal.

- But it's a huge house.

- I mean, we used to like, you're here with the family,

'cause that's all that we cared about.

- We like a terrible family. - Yeah.

- Yeah, I'm sure.

- I do like having my big brother around.

- Mm-hm, but I do, for love.

- It is very handy. - Especially if dad's not around,

you know what I mean?

- Well, yeah, I need someone around.

- Who's gonna take care of all you guys,

if dad's not around anyways?

- Right, when he's not here, you're the man of the house.

- Yeah, so I can accept that responsibility.

- I mean, thank God we have someone around.

(laughs)

- These tacos are gonna be so good.

- I know, I can't wait, I'm thinking of all the toppings

I want on mine. - I know.

I wonder if we can make homemade churros for dessert too.

- Churros are actually pretty easy to make too.

I think it's like what, like three, four ingredients?

- I don't know, we can look it up.

- I have no idea.

- I think it's like three, four ingredients.

- You like churros though, right?

- It's just like putting batter in a frying pan,

just like basically batter in a frying pan,

and then covering it up in sugar, it's like--

- Mmm, cinnamon and sugar. - Yeah.

- Yeah, nice.

- It's, I honestly, we should make those big ones,

those huge churros, yeah.

- Like they have at the amusement parks.

- Yes. - Yes.

- I love Mom loves those big churros, you know what I mean?

- I love big churros.

- Speaking about tacos. - Big, long churros, you know?

- Oh my goodness, I like it whenever they put

the little chocolate drizzles along them,

or when they make it super fancy.

Have you heard of churro ice cream?

- Oh my God, yes.

- 'Cause coffee ice cream's one of my favorites,

and it kinda tastes similar to the coffee ice cream,

won't I?

- Yeah, it kinda does, it just lacks the cinnamon.

Have you had the--

- No, I'm actually allergic to cinnamon, unfortunately,

so I kinda have churros. - Oh, you're allergic?

I didn't know that you were allergic to cinnamon.

- I didn't really like desserts anyways.

- No wonder, I didn't know that, I haven't really noticed that.

- Yeah.

- Well. - I'm the opposite, I love desserts.

- She loves desserts. - I love desserts.

- I've been on a huge smoothie bowl kick.

I can't get enough of the smoothie bowls.

- Oh, that's a nice healthy snack. - They're so fun to make.

'Cause you can put anything in it, you can put anything in it,

and that's the fun part about it.

- Right, right, you can go from really healthy

to really unhealthy without-- - Oh my gosh, and you know

I go really unhealthy, I'm like, oh, give me the Nutella,

give me the-- - What?

- Yes. - You gotta be careful,

that's how Dad became diabetic.

- Oh! - I mean, I know.

- She laughed, it was terrible. (laughs)

- I mean, look at her, she's so skinny.

- I know, I'm being a little ridiculous,

I'm being so ridiculous, I know. - I mean, in moderation, right?

- In moderation, yeah. - Yeah.

- Oh, you know, I just worry about my family and all that stuff.

- I know. - I just wanna make sure

you guys are, you know, good and stuff, you know?

Especially as the man of the house,

whenever Dad comes back, you know,

we gotta do what we gotta do.

So, I guess I'll let you guys finish your movie,

and, or what the hell you guys are watching in there.

- It looks like a brand new one just started.

- It is, honestly, they're all so repetitive at this point.

- I know. - It's like the same thing,

over and over and over. - I don't think you guys

even paid attention when it happened at all.

- No, we missed the ending, it's fine.

- It's like the same thing, they always catch the bad guy.

- Of course, yeah. (laughs)

- They always catch the bad guy. - That's true.

Oh, all right, well, I guess we'll go out

and we'll have tacos tomorrow, but just.

Should we just do tacos tomorrow?

We'll make it at home tomorrow, how about that?

- Should we do tacos tomorrow?

'Cause I was kinda looking forward to it tonight.

- What, what, what, what? - What are you?

- I mean, I know it takes work, but like, I can help.

- Oh, hold on a second.

(grunting)

Sorry, you were saying?

- I mean, I just think it's easy to kinda like, make it,

but we shouldn't take too long.

I mean, but if we do do it tomorrow,

we should cook the meat in the crock pot.

- Let's just do it tomorrow, deal.

- Okay. - All right,

I'll let you girls do your thing.

Well, good morning.

- Oh, hey, what's up?

- Weren't you supposed to have your homework done already?

- Uh, technically it is done.

This is just like a little like side art project thing

that my art teacher wants me to do.

- I think she's lying. - Extra credit.

- I think she's lying. - Yeah, it's like extra credit.

No, I'm not, don't even.

- Well, she's lying, she fooled me.

(laughing)

- She got you good.

- Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man.

- Just like my daddy.

- You know, he didn't come home last night.

Let's just not talk about dad.

- Did he really not?

- He didn't come home last night.

- Yeah, let's not talk about that.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- It's okay, you're just doing what you're doing.

- It's been up since five a.m. cleaning.

- Oh my god. - No, I'm not dead.

- Are you serious, that's why?

- Yeah, it's okay.

- I just thought that you like,

watched like self-improvement videos all night.

- Self-improvement videos. - He just kinda like,

had the urge to, I don't know.

(laughing)

I was hoping it was something that bad.

- Oh, I'm used to it. - Well, what do you mean?

Do you stand up when I watch TV or you, what?

- Well, yeah, I stayed up late and then I woke up early.

I just didn't sleep well. - Okay, that's all right.

- It's all right though.

I'm used to it with your father by now.

- I thought we were gonna talk about that.

- Yeah, that's not bad.

What are we gonna eat for breakfast, you guys?

- Oh, breakfast, you know what?

I probably should eat.

- Yeah, it's healthy.

- Reese, are you hungry at all?

- I really don't eat breakfast anymore.

- Really? - Come on, you guys.

It's just like not necessarily my thing, you know?

- Not necessarily your thing, what do you mean?

- I'm just like, I'm just not really hungry

in the mornings anymore.

- No.

- It just, nothing really tastes good.

- Oh, I see.

Oh, I don't want blueberries.

Get those, those are. - What?

- Get those out of there. - First for breakfast,

it's a good. - No, I don't want that.

- No, what if I took the blueberries and made a smoothie?

- I want a smoothie.

- She said she loves smoothies, but.

- They're so good. - I know she does.

It's her favorite.

I wouldn't even-- - More ice.

I don't want any fruit.

- I was slicing the strawberries this morning.

- Oh, I love strawberries. - No?

- She like made me give her a bowl of strawberries.

- I'll take a little bowl. - Yeah.

- What was that? I didn't hear you.

- I'll take a little bowl. - Oh, okay.

- She'll take a bowl. - She'll take a bowl.

- Yeah, are you sure you don't want anything?

What if I make coffee?

- You want, you can start making me some coffee.

There's some instant coffee to the, cover to the right.

What time is school anyway, Spare?

- All right, maybe we have a late start,

so I'll boil you. - Okay.

You know, if you can, don't boil the water,

like when you use the hot water tap instead

for instant coffee. - Oh really?

- Yeah. - That's so weird.

- That is weird. - It's instant coffee.

It's supposed to be instantly, you know,

instantly fresh anyways. - That's so weird.

- Okay, I mean, that's chill,

and you don't have to wait to drink it.

- Yeah, could you, you know where the cups are in the,

you know where the cups are, geez.

- Yes, of course. - (laughs)

- It's okay. Be so helpful. - I'm trying to be helpful.

- Well, if you want the instant,

then why don't I just give you, gas station,

Styrofoam cup. - Gas station, Styrofoam cup.

Hold on here. - I mean.

- Gas station, Styrofoam cup, why, why?

- Since you want the instant crap,

I mean, why does it matter if we use the good dishes or not?

- Why, why, why are you taking this out on me?

(laughs)

- I'm kidding, son. - You're so, you're so mean.

(laughs)

- I just wanted to see what you would say.

- Can you believe her?

She's being so mean to me.

- She should be mean to you.

Who even likes instant coffee? - I do.

- Instant coffee is so nasty, like,

so you just don't have good taste, you know?

- Candy's dandy, but liquor is quicker,

you know what I'm saying?

- Oh, son. - But it just doesn't taste good.

- It's supposed to get you where you're going.

- You know, you just boil water.

- I know.

Hey, he likes what he likes, I got it here, so.

- No milk, please.

- Okay, okay, okay, just some water.

- Yeah, just water and coffee, make it normal.

- Don't worry.

- Hey, did you want to go bowling after school?

- I don't like bowling.

- How about you, you don't like, well, you don't like bowling?

- I don't like bowling. - Oh, she does like bowling.

- Yeah. - I can play one or two rounds,

and that's fine, but we could probably do that after school.

You know what I'm saying? - I love your strike.

- Yeah.

- We could go out drinking, too.

- What's with the two cups?

Are you pouring her a cup of coffee, too?

I don't think she should have caffeine.

She's got enough energy, this one.

- Um, how about your mother?

- Mother, you've been up since five, I guess, yeah,

I guess you need some coffee, for sure.

- Yeah. - Jeez.

- Yeah, I need some coffee.

- Okay, well what about breakfast?

- You're just being so picky.

- Picky?

I'm not being picky, I just really need

some good food around here. - Okay, alright, no fruit.

I get it, I get it.

Cereal? - Cereal?

- Yeah. - I don't want any cereal.

- See, she loves cereal! - Well, pour her a thing of cereal.

- Yeah, I'll pour her a thing of cereal.

- Or granola, everybody loves granola.

- Well, start with her cereal.

- I can't really have granola, 'cause of my braces.

- Yeah, remember she has braces.

- Of course, of course.

Forget my head, it wasn't screwed on.

- I mean, Dad paid so much for them,

I wouldn't want to break them.

- This is true, this is how I understand food.

I'm really healthy with that, what are you doing?

You know, in the forest, what are you doing with this cereal?

- I was gonna give you the little bowl.

- I like how he used to make breakfast for us,

instead of just cereal, you know what I mean?

- If only Dad was around while I help enjoy the breakfast.

- See, when was the last time he had breakfast with Dad?

- I thought we weren't gonna talk about him.

- If you guys wanted me to bake eggs,

there's something I could.

- Oh, I love my scrambled eggs.

Can you do scrambled eggs with a little cheese?

- Aren't you gonna be late for school?

- Well, I'm gonna be late, sir.

I'm like, okay, so sometimes every Wednesday morning,

we start school at 9 a.m., so that the teachers

can have assemblies and stuff.

So I don't have to be school until like 9 a.m. instead of eight.

- Strange question, how do you like your eggs?

- You know I like them scrambled,

but just a little bit overcooked.

- Scrambled?

- Yeah.

Just a little bit overcooked, though.

You know I don't--

- Wait, what do you mean overcooked?

I don't understand overcooked.

- Yeah, what does that mean, Mom?

- What does that mean overcooked?

- You know when there's still that kind of clear in the egg?

I don't like it when it's like that.

I like it when it's just a little bit brown.

- Brown?

- Yeah.

- Oh, yours looks really good.

- Hash browns.

- Ooh, yes.

- I love hash browns. - I love potatoes.

- Sorry.

- Put it on the grocery list.

- Wait, do we have hash browns?

- No, we don't.

- I'm surprised we don't have any of the freezer ones.

- Do we have potatoes?

- I don't think so, but you guys seem convinced, otherwise.

- If we have hash browns, I'll eat hash browns.

- Yeah, I love hash browns, Mom.

- So you don't want the cereal after all?

- Well, give her the cereal at least.

- I just, here, yeah.

- Thank you, Mom.

- Here's your cereal.

- Oh, um.

- How's she doing with her homework?

We're extra art credit.

- It's--

- This is what you're doing?

- Calligraphy.

- She told me she was doing an art project.

- This is my-- - Extra credit.

- This is the rough draft.

It's the rough draft.

- See?

- Mom, come on, I would never lie to you, you know me.

- I don't know.

- I don't know either. - You know me, mom.

I wouldn't do that, I don't know either.

(hands clapping)

- Well, let's see if we have potatoes in the cupboard,

at least.

- All right, let's double check.

- Let's see here.

I don't know why you're just drawing squiggly lines.

- No, it's not squiggly lines,

so this is like the old English S.

It's a rough draft of a bigger portrait that I have to do,

and then this is just like an outline of a portrait.

- An outline of a portrait.

- This? - Yeah, yeah.

- This, that looks like an S to me.

- This is the S, this is like the outline of a portrait.

- What, this is an outline?

- Yeah, this is an outline of a portrait,

'cause like-- - And what's with that book?

- Imagine the eyes right there. - Eyes right there.

- Does that put it together a little bit more?

- You know your father's not here, you don't have to lie.

- There's that F word again, geez.

So wait, what are you actually drawing here?

- It's gonna be a person soon.

- Okay, what's this lettering here then?

- The lettering is like, I'm practicing the lettering,

'cause I wanna do a self-portrait,

and the lettering's gonna be like above the person.

- Oh. - Yeah.

- What's he drawing again?

- Art, it's a little art project for art.

- All right. - It's not for like

a little boyfriend of yours or something.

- Okay, you're being funny.

- I have to keep my grade point average up a little bit,

'cause I'm not doing the best in Spanish.

- Hmm. - I know.

- How's that coffee? - It's not easy.

- She's got no reason to lie. - Oh, here's some coffee.

- Yeah, you try it first. - Okay.

- Tell me how it is. - Hmm.

- Ooh, geez, it's hot, would you use lava for this?

- You saw me, I was using the water over there.

- Using what? - I used the hot water thing.

- Oh, it was the hot water thing.

- You didn't even see me do it?

- No, I wasn't paying attention, I was distracted.

I was like, "I'm sorry, you're so funny."

- Oh, that was great, I'm glad I got great family moments

like this. - Uh-huh.

- Honestly, same here, because it can get like really,

like hard as like a young girl, you know what I mean?

- Aww. - I feel like things can sometimes

be a little difficult, so it's nice I can rely on the family.

- Yeah. - You know?

- Yeah, you know what? - But it's nice to close family.

- I know. - That's great.

- I have like my other friends, they're like,

their parents like don't really get along,

or they don't get along with their siblings,

so it's kinda nice I get to like come here

and be exposed to like a healthier, a better family dynamic.

- I'm very happy you could come here too.

- (laughs)

- You know? - Mm-hmm.

- Well, I didn't, I can never ask for a better mom.

- Honestly, same, she literally just got me cereal.

- What? - She what?

- She just got me cereal. - I know she did.

- I can't. (laughs)

- We didn't discuss what I'm gonna have for breakfast.

We're still looking. - But no hash browns.

- See, see, see if we have any hash browns.

- I swear. - Check, potatoes, you're gonna,

and I don't wanna make them from scratch.

- Well, at this point, I would make them from scratch

if we had potatoes, and I'm telling you guys.

- Oh.

- I will double and triple check.

- Please.

Please, geez.

- Yeah.

- Oh.

Alright, you're making a little thing

for your little boyfriend and stuff like that.

- I mean, even if I was, even if I was.

- That's cute. - It is cute.

- Just like, try not to tell Dad, man.

- Rick, she's a good kid.

- Yeah, I just like, haven't really told Dad about it yet,

'cause I'm afraid of what he's gonna say

if he finds out that I'm kind of like, dating boys.

- She keeps using that F word and that D word.

- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. - You're not supposed

to talk about that. - Ha ha ha ha.

No potatoes at all, you guys.

- I love pancakes.

I know if we don't have pancake mix,

we can use like cake mix. - Oh.

- Pancake mix.

- You guys went from not wanting any breakfast at all,

to wanting something very complicated.

Let's see.

You know, I really,

we really need to make a run to the store.

- Well, if you haven't been so...

- Hold on, let me, I'll tell you what, I'll help you.

Let me finish this real quick, okay?

- Okay.

- Oh. - Don't worry.

(heavy breathing)

- Oh, God.

Not to be inappropriate, but I honestly just,

you guys don't know what it's like to be a guy,

but sometimes you just have morning wood, you know?

And just every morning, I just want to try to get rid of it,

the best I can. - Oh my God, you're so froze.

At the thing you do every morning. - That's not, you know,

I know, it's kind of a weird, weird subject,

but I just wanted to throw that out there.

All right, Mom, are we gonna grocery shop, I guess?

- Yeah. - With some hash browns and stuff?

- Yeah. - I guess we should drop you off

at school. - Yeah.

Are you gonna drink that coffee?

- I did, actually. - Oh.

- It's, you know. - That's good.

- It's, I could definitely see why Dad didn't go,

see why Dad married you. - Aw, thanks, Dad.

- And thank you so much for the cereal, I appreciate it.

- All right, all right, let's go team.

Let's go to school, come on. - Oh, okay.

- Let's go. - I can't wait

to go in the new car. - Everybody's grabbing

the new car. - Yes.

- Oh my gosh. - Oh, my gosh.

- Whatcha doing? - Oh, I'm just like,

checking these emails real quick from school.

- Emails, jeez, you fancy,

maybe like an administrator or something?

- Just shut up. - Yeah. (laughs)

Oh. - You're so annoying.

- He wouldn't, we got sharing the same shower or something?

- Oh, did you just get all the, did you use the bath?

- Yeah, I used the new bath.

I used those new like little Epsom salts

that you had under the sink. - Oh, did you like that?

- Yeah, they were like really relaxing.

It was really nice. - They smell really nice.

- Oh my god, it smelled amazing.

- Ah, well I'm glad we just got a new hot water heater,

'cause I was just showering while you were bathing.

- Oh, really? - Yeah, I just got a shower.

(both laughing)

- You guys are ridiculous, what are the chances?

- I know, right? - So silly.

- Well, we like to be clean. (both laughing)

- Yeah, I have to shower and bathe sometime.

I mean. - Right.

Did you wash your hair?

- No, I'm like trying this new like wash cycle.

- If you use a dry shampoo, it takes a few months

for your hair to get used to it.

- Dry shampoo, can you explain dry shampoo?

- Another girl thing, it's basically overpriced baby powder

that you put in your hair so you don't have to

wash your hair as much. - Oh.

- Yeah. - Oh.

- So in a few weeks, her hair is gonna be really nice.

- Okay, what's the purpose of this dry shampoo stuff?

- Not having to wash your hair as much, you don't know,

but it's really hard for us women.

It takes a lot of fucking time.

- A lot of time to do what, wash hair?

- Wash, blow dry, and then you gotta curl it.

It's a whole to do, just be glad you're a man

and you don't have to deal with it.

- I guess. - Yeah.

- You guys are gonna be doing anything later.

- It's tough, what are we gonna do later?

- Well we kinda have like the whole day, don't we?

Like it's only kinda like, I don't know, afternoon-ish.

- We should go to the pool. - Oh.

- You wanna go swimming?

- I don't know if I feel like getting wet right now.

- Oh yeah, you don't wanna get your hair wet.

- Yeah, we're gonna say-- - It's not for that.

- We're gonna say, y'all just get out of the shower

and get a shower, I guess it keeps your pool clean.

- Um, I mean, we-- - I just like tanning.

(laughs)

I think like, you know, I have to pull in tanning sometimes.

- Ooh, yeah, I actually like doing that,

it sounds pretty relaxing.

- But you'll have to go.

- I mean, I'll go if we can sit there and tan,

if you'll sit there and tan with me, like yeah.

I'll go, I mean, I probably won't get in the water, but.

We'll just have to get some sunblock, for sure.

- You guys don't seem so keen on the idea,

we don't gotta go to the pool, it's just my first idea.

- Right, no, it's a terrible idea, to be honest.

(laughs)

I'm sorry. - But okay, geez, well,

what's your idea?

- Um, my idea is to sit and relax,

I don't really wanna do much. (laughs)

To be honest, I'm, you know, I'm just,

that's what I wanna do.

- It's still day off. - It's still out.

- It is my day off. - Oh.

- You know, I might just wanna sit here and just,

kinda fuckin' relax and stuff like that, and just,

that's it. (gags)

You girls can do whatever you want.

- Yeah, I mean. - Me, I'm just gonna be chillin'.

- Maybe we could watch a movie or somethin'.

- Watch a movie? - Mhm.

- A movie with some, like, fun, like, like a funny movie,

or something like that? - Oh.

- Like something wild, maybe. (laughs)

- I like scary movies. - We could go to the movies.

- Ooh, I haven't been to the movies in forever.

- I haven't been in two years.

- Two years, we have to change that.

Do you like scary movies by any chance?

- I hate scary movies. - You hate scary movies?

- Do you love scary movies? - I love scary,

I love being scared. - Really?

- Yeah, I love it. - Oh my God.

- It's so much fun. - I think I started watching

scary movies too young, because--

- Can you hold this for me real quick though?

- Now they, they really scare me too much.

I don't know why, I'm just one of those people.

- I was like the exact opposite,

like I couldn't get enough of it, like I was super young,

and like, sneaking around watching them secretly,

like behind everyone's back. - Really?

- Yeah, and then I would get nightmares,

and be like, oh my God, and then like wonder why.

(laughs)

- I think that was so silly. (laughs)

- Hmm.

- Can you hold this for me?

- Oh yeah, no problem.

I kind of, I even like the gory ones,

like the new ones, like the CGI's and stuff.

- Really?

- Yeah, how it's like, you know, just like super out there,

and just super crazy, like the kind of stuff

where you're just like, your mouth can't stop dropping

from it, like I just love it.

- What do you mean your mouth can't stop dropping?

- I mean, just, like have you ever seen something

just so grotesque, and just so like shock value, like--

- Yeah.

- The shock value, I fucking love the shock value,

and like just the thrillers, like if it's got a good

plot twist too, I can't get over a good plot twist.

(laughs)

- Like the last two minutes, and you're like, oh my God.

- Oh yeah, no, and then like it's like everything

that you thought was going on, was it?

- Yeah.

I like those. - I love it.

I love it, I love it so much.

(laughs)

Or the psychological thrillers.

- Yes, I do like those. - I like those.

- I don't get too scared of those for some reason.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I even like the ones from the '80s.

- '80s? - The past '80s ones.

- Oh my God, those are so cheesy.

- Those were the first ones I started watching.

- Ugh. (laughs)

- Bye bye you son. - What, the movies?

- Yeah, do you like the scary movies?

I've never seen you watching scary movies.

- No, they're boring. - Boring?

- You think it's boring? How is it boring?

There's like people getting like all the time.

That's so boring. - Yeah, yeah.

- All the time, that's so boring. (laughs)

- Damn, okay, alright.

I guess we're not gonna watch this scary movie then.

- Lame. - Ugh.

No movies guys. (sniffs)

- I mean we could always go to the park or something,

like take a walk in the park, like a little walk.

I haven't been hiking in forever.

- Hiking? - I love hiking.

- Why are you making fun of her?

- Hey, I'm not making fun of her.

- He's just an annoying big brother.

- Oh, is he? He's a good son though.

- Yeah, I'm a good son. - Yeah, yeah.

Haven't I been a good brother and son?

- These towels smell amazing.

Did you notice I started using a new detergent?

- Really? - Towels?

Are you guys talking about towels?

- Well, I just got a whiff of it.

- Oh no, that actually does smell really good.

- I bought lavender for the bathtub too, yes.

- That's so, no wonder I've been so relaxed lately.

- Yeah, you have a good nose. (laughs)

- Relaxing with your girls is fun.

- Yeah, I bet it is. (laughs)

- Sit back and just chill, you know?

- Yeah. (sniffs)

- What's up, Reese?

- I don't know, I just like, I'm still trying to think,

like if we can't go hiking, can't go to the park,

can't watch a movie, what else is there

to even like do around here?

- I don't know, why don't you tell us a,

how about old fashioned storytelling?

- Storytelling? (laughs)

- Oh my God. - Do you like the...

- What is this, the 1800s? - Stories world?

- No, can you tell us like, how did you meet a...

- Your father? - Yeah.

- Well, do you want the real story?

- Yes, we do. - Or do you want the one

that we tell people? - Oh my God.

- Okay, how about this, tell us the fake one

and then tell us the real one.

- Well, you guys know the fake one that your father met me

when I was a waitress in a restaurant.

- You met your where? - In a restaurant.

- I bet he tipped you pretty good, huh?

- Yeah, well. (laughs)

And he left his phone number.

- What's his phone number? - On the receipt.

Yeah, that's the story you guys heard, right?

- Yeah, but what's the truth?

- Well, I don't know if I should tell you guys.

- What? - Oh, come on.

I mean, you don't tell him.

I won't say anything if you won't.

- Well, I just don't want your kids to judge me.

- Oh, I could never judge you.

- Okay, fine, I'll tell you.

You guys gonna be very surprised.

It was a long time ago and, you know,

I didn't grow up as privileged as you guys, okay?

- What do you mean?

- Well, my parents didn't pay for my college.

My parents didn't let me live rent-free.

- We're so lucky to have you around.

- Yeah, you are. - I know.

- But I'm lucky, too,

because I gotta tell you guys the truth.

I was a stripper.

- Oh, you're lying. - No.

- You're fucking lying to me. - I was a stripper, I know.

It's hard to believe. - You're a stripper.

- No way. - Yep.

- Yep, and-- - Can you still dance?

- No. - Oh my gosh. (laughs)

- Can you still dance? - I'm just kidding.

- No. - That would be way too

inappropriate. - Oh yeah, that would be

so inappropriate. - I mean, like, not even,

like a little-- - I'd probably blow out a knee

or something. - Oh my gosh, this is so cool.

My mom, this is different. - Yes. (laughs)

You better never, ever tell your father.

- Right. - I promise I will.

- Don't get any ideas on her, Reese.

- I, I, I-- (slapping)

- What? I don't wanna be-- - What a little pervert!

- What? Stripping is fine if you did it,

but nowadays, it's different, you know?

I-- - Oh God. - I'm going to school,

and I'm answering my school emails.

What makes you think I'm gonna be a stripper?

- Hey. - She's not gonna be

a stripper, she's a good girl. - Yeah, I'm such a good girl,

it's not even funny. - Yeah.

He's always teasing you, isn't he?

Gosh. - It's so weird.

- Will you guys like this growing up?

Oh my gosh. - He was worse

when we were growing up. - Mm-mm-mm. (laughs)

- Stripper, huh? - Yep.

- It was, I mean, it was a different lifetime ago,

it was very long ago, and think about it, you guys.

It's your father that came into the strip club to see me.

- What a dirty old man. - Yes, he was.

And now I'm here with you guys. - Aw. (laughs)

- A happy ending. - Happy ending.

- I'm really happy that you met our dad--

- Me too. - And happy all night each other.

- Me too. - Mm.

- Mm, it's, I just feel better about it,

and I feel cooler to know that you are a stripper now.

- Really? - Yeah, it's kinda like a flex,

it's kinda like, yeah, well, my mom's a stripper, so.

(both laugh)

- Well, I'm glad you guys don't judge me negatively.

- Oh, why would we, we love you. - Yeah. (laughs)

- Aw. - Best mom ever.

- Well, thank you, you guys are so sweet to me.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- We are. - Yeah. (laughs)

- That time I made you bed and breakfast.

- Oh, yes, that was so kind of him, Mother's Day.

Your father didn't even remember his Mother's Day,

and he wakes me up, pancakes, coffee, everything.

- Everything. - That's so sweet.

- That sounds so good. - Yep, he made my espresso,

just the way I like it.

- I just think it's crazy how that he remembers that,

but even Dad-- - He could've done it

a little sooner. - He could've.

- You are, you're a really good son.

Yeah, it was last Mother's Day.

I think you were on vacation with your friends or something.

You weren't here. - I'm not, oh, that's--

- Where were you in May?

- Oh my God, maybe the cruise, yeah, it was that cruise,

remember, I went on that little five-day cruise

for all the seniors at school.

- Oh yeah. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - It was--

- It was my senior. - Senior. (laughs)

'Cause it was the South American cruise, you know.

We went to the, like, Roatown-- - Columbia?

- Oh my God, I wish.

We went to Roatown and Belize and Cozumel.

- Wow. - I can't believe I haven't

even showed you guys the pictures yet.

I have the Polteroid books. - You kids are just lucky

you have one here. - You have a boy picture.

- A father, too.

Pay for those kind of things. - I wanna be a puppeteer.

- You wanna be a puppeteer? - Yeah. (laughs)

- Well, I don't know what your father would say about that,

but I would support you no matter what you'd say.

- I mean, and then the bikes are so cool,

and the people seem so nice.

Copenhagen, right? - Yeah.

- Isn't that around the same area, Copenhagen?

- Yeah, very good. - Yeah, near the Netherlands.

- She's learned her geology in school. (laughs)

Geography. (laughs)

- Yeah, I just think it'd be so much fun

to see that in person. - Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Me and your father went there a long time ago.

- What? - Yes.

- You and your mother went there?

- Yeah. - You gotta tell me that story.

- Yeah, we did. - You guys did?

- Yeah, it was, we took a European high school.

- You came home when they did this?

- Uh-huh.

- Man, I wish we could go - Where'd you go?

- fun places like that as a family.

- There was an after them. - Oh, did they, did you do the--

- Yeah, we did, and it was legal. - Oh my God!

- So don't you say anything. - You did?

- It was legal there.

- It was a long time ago. - She did that?

- Mmm, and you're gonna go live in Italy?

- Oh my gosh, she just keeps getting

cooler and cooler by the minute.

- I never ended in Greece.

- Oh, you ended up in Greece? - Mm-hmm, Greece.

- Yeah. (gags)

- She's, you know, Denmark's cool,

this is all Europe too, where you can visit.

- Oh yeah. - Backpacking in Europe.

Backpacking in Europe would be so much fun.

- Mmm. - As long as you don't fall

for any of the bathtub stuff. - Yeah, the whole scammers.

- Like, I hear bad things can happen over there

if you're not careful, but to backpacking in Europe

sounds like so much fun. - Mm-hmm, oh, she's talking

about ending up in the bathtub with your--

- Oh, oh. (laughs)

- How's that happen? - Is that really happen?

Or is that just a myth? - Oh, is it really?

- I don't know. - Yeah, I just feel like

there's so many people to meet, and the people over

in Europe are so much more open, and I feel like I'd have

more fun over there. - I see they put a top

to swin in on billboards and stuff.

- Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

- It's totally not inappropriate at all.

- Yeah, we want to fool us out here.

- I feel like that's the aesthetic that I would enjoy

out of Europe, honestly. - Yeah.

You would love Europe. - Oh.

I really want to go to Sicily, too. - Oh.

Italy. (laughs)

- By a little island. - Oh, those Italian guys

would love you. (laughs)

- Oh. - Mom.

- Mom. - I'm not sure they would think

you're cute, is all. - Thank you, mom.

- Mom? (laughs)

You're glad. - I can't believe how prudent

you are. - You better leave mom alone now.

- Oh. - Leave mom alone?

It's just, you know, just teasing love.

- No, it's fun, she's had such a fun life.

- I know, but your father would be so upset

if he knew I was telling you guys all this.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Well, good thing that he's never gonna know.

- We also went to a topless beach, guys.

Yeah. - Wait, so you were topless?

- Just for a few minutes. - In front of everyone?

- Just to try it out. - Oh, my God.

- I know, I'm totally not that way now,

and I'm sure it's hard for you guys to picture,

but I was wild. - Oh, my God,

we mellowed you out. - Yeah.

- Oh, my goodness. - Why?

- I'm settled down now, I'm a married woman.

- A happily married woman. - Yes.

But I do have my memories. - Aw, my goodness. (laughs)

- Yeah. - It's like we're gonna have

to give her a few glasses of wine

so we can learn more memories. (laughs)

- You know, that would get me talking, that probably would.

(both laugh)

- Oh, man. - Oh, my goodness.

- Hey, girls, I thought it was a bundle of fun.

I wanna visit country soon enough, you know what I mean?

- Yeah, do some traveling. - But I really,

well, why don't you tell her about the,

like, she has a boyfriend now, and you know.

- Yeah, you haven't told us about your boyfriend, really.

I mean, is it getting serious? - Well, I've been kinda hesitant

to say anything about it, just in case it doesn't last.

- But why'd you be so hesitant? - Yeah, we're just family.

- I don't want it to, like, not work out,

and then, you know what I mean?

'Cause I think I'm starting to really like this guy.

Like, oh, he's so cute and nice.

- Yeah. - And he, we sit next to each other,

and he's Spanish. (laughs)

And he helps you with Spanish. - Is that where you met

the showman? - Aw.

- Yeah, I met him in Spanish class.

- Spanish class, is that why you're not doing

so good in Spanish? - Aw, yeah, he distracts me

too much. - Distractions?

(laughing)

- He's just so nice. (sniffing)

- Aw, what's his name? - His name's Rico.

- Aw, that's interesting. - Yeah, his name's Rico.

He's really cool. - Where's he from?

Where is he from?

- He's from around here, I think like a couple towns over.

But I don't really know, I kinda like,

sometimes whenever I'm talking to him,

it's really easy to like not listen to what he's saying.

Just look at him. (laughing)

- So he's a pretty boy. - He's a pretty boy.

- Aw, I see. - Yeah.

- Well, why don't you tell her about your first boyfriend?

- Yeah, how'd your first boyfriend go?

- Aw. - He's like, this guy,

I don't even know what's going on.

(laughing)

Well, I'd like to tell you guys

my first boyfriend was your father,

but that's not the truth.

(sniffing)

I may have dated a few guys. (thudding)

(mumbling)

- Mom, you gotta announce it, okay?

- Sorry, excuse me.

I just had something in my throat.

You know what, don't you hate that

when you get that tickle in your throat?

- Yeah. - Yeah, so I met him in college.

Yeah, and... - And?

(laughing)

It's not so winded, Mom, what's going on here?

Are you okay? - No.

- Do you need some medication?

- Oh, stop it, no. - I'm just concerned.

- I'm thinking about which parts I should tell you guys

and which parts I should leave out.

I already told you guys too much.

His name was-- - What's his name?

- Oh, tell me it wasn't like a bodyguard,

or strip club or something. (laughing)

Please tell me it wasn't that.

- No, his name was Steve, and I met him in college.

Yeah, he had a really big dick. (laughing)

- Mom! - Really, Mom?

- Ah, he's funny, serious. - Oh my God, I cannot,

I cannot believe I just heard that.

- Oh, just kidding, you guys.

- Do you believe he'd say that to us?

- He was a football player. - Jeez.

- Oh really? - Yeah.

- He was a football player.

- Like, really tall?

- Yeah, I-- - I still can't believe

you said that, Mom. - I'm sorry,

that was so inappropriate. - It really was.

- I'm sorry, you guys, I don't know why.

I would even bring that up.

Yeah, it was just a long ago, you know?

- How long have you been together?

- Actually, three years. - Oh, three years?

- Which in college is-- - That's like,

almost all of college, right? - Yeah.

- Oh my God, what happened? - Well--

- It's a long time.

- He cheated on me.

- That's hard to believe, but anyone would ever cheat on you.

- Yeah, son, don't ever do that to a woman.

Don't ever cheat on a woman. - You can never cheat,

me and my girlfriend have been going well.

- Yeah. - You can never cheat

on anybody. - No, I don't think

you're that type. - I'm not at all.

- No, and I know she's not the type to ever allow that

to happen. - I can never, no, no.

We don't play with people's feelings in this home.

- No, no, I don't know. - I don't know.

- I think I can never cheat on anybody.

Well, keep telling-- - Okay!

- Give her some quarters, she's gonna be avoiding it.

- Well, I think, I just think maybe you should bring

this boy over and we should meet him.

- I'm like, okay, nothing against you guys,

but I'm a little embarrassed to start for him around.

- Oh, why? - I kinda don't wanna

bring him around the family. - Why?

We're so cool and we're such a tight knit family.

- I know that we're cool and a tight knit family,

but I just don't want him to think I'm weird,

and I don't wanna, I just don't maybe wanna be embarrassed

by my brother. - Oh, yeah, well,

maybe he could be-- - Embarrassed by me?

I thought, I didn't think I'd hear that.

(laughing)

I couldn't even comprehend that.

Why would you be embarrassed by me?

- I mean, sometimes you just do the craziest stuff.

Like, watch me bring him over and you all,

listen, bring out my baby books and start showing him

like stupid shit. - Why would I do that?

- I could see him doing that. - Or like,

tell stupid stories, like, oh, this one time

when she was little, like she sat on her birthday cake

or some shit like that, like I don't fucking know.

- Honestly, I could see him doing that.

He does tease you a lot.

- Yeah, someone little has him to bring--

- Well, tell her the importance of your first boyfriend

is not gonna be your, you know, best boyfriend, you know?

- Well, there's nothing about young love.

It's amazing, but sometimes it doesn't last,

but that doesn't mean it won't last for you, Enrico.

We don't know that. - Right.

Chances are it's not gonna be your first boyfriend,

it's not gonna be your last.

- Either way, as long as he's good to her.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Don't be afraid to dump him either.

- Yeah. - Shut him out.

- True.

When you're young, I suggest staying single and having fun,

but-- - Mm-hmm.

- I mean, yeah, I mean, maybe, I guess it's something

that I definitely have to like think about.

- Yeah. - Oh, geez.

- So Rico, tell us more about Rico.

- Oh my gosh, okay, so he's just such a nice and sweet guy,

so he can like actually speak Spanish too,

so he's like so helpful to have around.

And he loves to skateboard. - Oh.

- And go surfing and stuff,

and he was showing me pictures of him

like at the beach and stuff.

- Aw, a little surfer boy. - Yeah, a little surfer boy.

- Aw, that's so hot. - It is.

He's got like a little French bulldog too.

- Aw. - Yeah, I already like

kinda forgot its name, unfortunately,

but it's really cute, it's one of those blue merle ones.

- He forgot his own dog's name?

- Yeah. (laughing)

- So he's not the brightest bulb in the bunch,

but he's good looking.

- Yeah, that's all I need right now.

- You know what they call that? (laughing)

- That's so shallow, Reese. - He's a himbo, he's a himbo.

- Himbo. - You're the one

that taught me that word, aren't you?

- Yeah, he's a total himbo. - He's a himbo.

- I definitely love that.

- Himbo. - Yeah, sometimes you don't need

to date the smartest man. - No, they just--

- Yeah. - I mean, and for me right now,

like I'm still in school, like it's not like

I'm necessarily like, you know, like he's very handy

to have around. (laughing)

He's having me with my homework, my Spanish homework.

- That's nice. - Yeah.

- Ah, well, must be nice to have a sexy young man

to help you with your homework. - Oh my gosh.

- And anything else?

Have you guys kissed yet? - No.

- Come on. - Come on.

- Come on, we won't tell your dad, right?

- Pinky promise. - Pinky promise.

- Okay, well, we may have kissed a few times.

- Naughty, naughty, naughty. (laughing)

- Oh my goodness. - Only a few times.

Only a few times. - Wow.

Okay, all right.

I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me that.

- Not tongue, no.

- Not tongue yet? - Not tongue yet.

- Awe. - Not tongue yet.

- You're talking to your tongue? - Shut up. (laughing)

- God.

- Well, I'd like to meet this young man some day.

We might just have to schedule it for a day

when your brother's out of town

if you think he's gonna pick on you.

- What do you mean, out of town?

- Well. - I mean, don't you should.

- He's afraid of you picking on her in front of him.

- I don't want you to make me look bad in front of him.

- So what, what's the worst that's gonna happen?

- Uh, I don't know.

Him thinking me, I'm fucking weird

'cause my family's weird,

and then him not gonna kiss me anymore.

And that could possibly happen.

- That would never happen.

- Trust me.

Any man that gets to date you and kiss you is very lucky.

- Awe.

- And you need to be very selective with who you do this with.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, you have to treat your body like a temple.

- I think I remember dad saying something like that

when I was like--

- Younger?

- Yeah, like way too long ago,

but I haven't really thought of things like that.

- Well, that's good.

- Yeah.

- That's good.

But if you ever have any questions,

you can always come to me.

- I mean, I would appreciate that 'cause like,

I don't, I can't really go to no one else about that stuff.

- No, yeah.

- Like,

you know, like--

- That's what a stepmom is for.

- Thank God, oh my God, 'cause I don't know

what I would do without you, honestly.

- You could ask me anything.

And yeah, I could see how it'd be weird

to ask your father about, you know.

- He's just weird about all that stuff.

- Well, you're his little daughter that's why.

I know you're a grown woman, but,

you know how your dad is, he's so old fashioned.

He thought I was a virgin when he married me.

(gasps)

- Oh my God.

- Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't.

- Oh geez.

- Oh my God.

- He doesn't wanna hear about it.

He's like, "Oh geez, mom."

(laughs)

All right, I'll stop you guys.

It is very inappropriate, I'm sorry.

- Backdoor's our gym, all right.

- Oh my God!

How do you even know of that saying?

- I've seen movies.

- Okay, yes, yes, oh my goodness.

Wait, excuse me, what did you say?

- She said backdoor virgin.

- Oh my God, we're changing the subject.

- Yeah, okay, this is getting a little too inappropriate,

you guys.

(laughs)

I can't even believe that you know about that.

- It's just from a movie, I promise.

- Okay, all right.

Well, yes, I think it's time to change subjects.

- Maybe a little bit.

(laughs)

Oh, oh, sorry guys, continue.

- Well, if you're still with him in a few weeks,

then maybe you could bring your boyfriend over then.

- Let me go to the other room.

- Oh, you're leaving?

- Yeah, and maybe you should talk to her about, you know,

like birth control and stuff.

- We don't need birth control, stop!

- Then what do you need?

- Important, you know, you should really talk to her about that.

- What are you gonna go do, watch TV?

- Yeah, of course.

Nah.

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