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This film stems from its authors' independent and free imagination;

any reference to real people or events is wholly artistic

and makes no claim to represent an objective truth.

The authors took inspiration from news stories to create a narrative

that brings together non-existent characters and real people

in entirely invented contexts to create an original artistic work.

No reference to people and/or events

except those specifically identified as real

is intended or should be inferred.

"ALL DOCUMENTED. ALL ARBITRARY."

SARDINIA

APULIA

Aren't you going to eat?

I'm not hungry.

You tense?

How's the Party?

Lots of talk. We Democrats are always talking,

but we got damn all to say.

How's home?

Peachy! My wife has haemorrhoids.

- There's this really good cream... - What's it called? Prastoden?

- I can't remember. - She's using Prastoden.

- I really can't remember right now. - There's another one.

There! Here they are.

Rocco, you know the business about the contract

to supply the school lunches...

Play by the rules, Sergio, like everyone.

If I do that, Rocco, I'll never get the contract.

That's enough.

Moira, come round this way and I'll pass you the rope.

Come.

Hi.

Candida, welcome aboard.

Introduce yourself.

Pleased to meet you, I'm Candida. You are...?

Have a seat here, sit here.

Candida, why don't you take off your bathing suit?

No...

I meant the bottom.

Show the prof what you can do.

I'm not a professor.

All right, that's enough.

No, why?

Is that 25HP?

Souped up, 75.

Aren't you sick and tired of Taranto?

Show me your tit.

Rocco... everything OK?

About the school meals contract, I'll see what I can do.

Thanks, Rocco. You're a treasure.

Keep down.

THEM

You're breaking my balls. I know you're hungry! Wait.

Watch out, they're hot.

Dad!

We got the contract.

Why the long face? Aren't you happy?

No, I'm not happy. You paid?

Dad, I didn't pay anyone.

- I never paid a bribe my whole life. - Me neither.

So how the fuck did you get things moving in half a day?

I got busy.

You're a pig.

Congratulate him. He did good.

You're both pigs.

Yep. But we love each other lots.

- Show me a tit! - What?

A tit!

You know who Fabrizio Sala is?

The guy that runs the Margot on the Costa Smeralda?

That's not all, he writes a gossip column, he's a talent scout.

He's the one who finds all those bimbos for TV.

They say he takes a lot of them to him.

Him him?

Him him. And today he's looking in Taranto.

What the fuck is he hoping to find with these losers?

What the fuck are you saying, Tama'? It's good fishing out here.

They're total sluts here.

They invited me to audition for Sala, as well.

- Exactly, babe! - Arsehole!

I'm kidding! I can't stand this city anymore!

What the fuck are we doing here?

We deserve better.

What do you mean?

I mean I made a decision.

- We're going to Rome. - Rome?

And when did you decide?

Today. I saw a tattoo and it hit me. I want to get to him.

Him him?

Him him.

Yeah, I know, I'm a bit late.

Hello. Candida Pascià.

We're here to see Sala. I'm her manager.

No manager. Just the girl.

All right. I'll wait out here.

Yeah, we're coming, we're coming. Who's there?

Sonia, Pat, then...? Where are you?

At the Timone D'Oro?

All right, 20 minutes.

Sergio needs to finish something for work first.

Listen, order me a tuna tartare, but with avocado.

What's your name?

Do you laugh all the time?

Get out of here!

Show us what you've got, dear.

- Do you have a name? - Candida.

Candida...

And are you "candid"?

Not at all.

What do you do?

I used to do gymnastics. Then I got hurt and I had to stop.

But can you still show us a trick or two, dear?

I can try.

You are a joy to fuck!

The Dolce Vita!

A gift!

Take it easy. I hear you're going to Sardinia and renting Villa Morena?

I sure am. And the parties I'll have will empty your Margot.

Bravo, Sergio.

You're creating your court of whores with free cocaine.

You wanna take them to him. But that's my territory, sweetie!

I'm a free marketeer. I believe monopolies should be broken up.

Unfortunately, you're lacking two things, class and his acquaintance.

Two details that will soon be resolved, Fabrizio!

You're throwing away your savings, Sergio.

And you'll go back to Taranto dirt poor.

Well, in that case, have some, relax.

It's so old-fashioned! I haven't touched coke for a good ten years.

So don't get in the way. The girls love this old-fashioned stuff.

No, I understand.

What did you hear?

Nothing. You weren't talking.

Bravo...

...Sergio Morra.

You know me?

You do everything you can to get yourself noticed.

So I've studied you a bit, from a distance.

Well, I like to keep busy.

So who was the arsehole on the phone?

No one's an arsehole with me, remember that.

It's important.

Because the man who can resist me has yet to be born.

Would you...

...resist me?

Well, in effect, if I think about it,

I couldn't think of any obstacles...

Well, there is one obstacle.

Yeah?

I'm the obstacle.

You'll never be able to fuck someone like me.

But don't be discouraged, you seem sharp enough to fuck all the others.

Why...?

Who do you fuck?

Him him?

You don't know what I'd give to know him.

If you prove to be devoted and helpful to me,

maybe I'll introduce you to him, some day.

Fucking Attilio never answers.

This party's really broken my balls, you know?

- You want some? - Forget it.

I've got to work tomorrow, unlike you,

spending the days drying the rocks with a hairdryer.

Be careful with Kira, she's meaner than Putin.

I imagine. But what class, though.

Class? She fancies herself, but ten years ago,

when she got off the boat from Albania, she bedded half of Rome.

- Even you? - You think I'm an idiot?

Enough, Ricca'!

- And how was it? - Better than Totti.

But as soon as you bend over to pull up your underpants...

...she buggers you from behind.

Such is Rome, Serginho, no different from Albania,

when they were all dirt poor.

Well, well, what a surprise!

Finally, Attilio, where the fuck have you been?

- In the bathroom. - We've been ready to go for an hour.

Let's get together sometime, Ricca'!

The less we get together, the better! Bye, Hun!

Silvio's greasepaint has infected his brain.

We were at the FAO for the summit on world hunger, and he says,

"We have to cut short the speeches.

"Our situation might not be tragic, but we're hungry too."

Whenever he opens his mouth, I always wonder how it's going to go...

Will I laugh or cry?

Cupa, dear, we're already crying.

Even when he makes us laugh.

In all these years, he has given us two things

we were unable to produce by ourselves:

economic energy and enthusiasm.

But they're not enough anymore.

What are you saying, Santino?

Darling, could you look after the boy a moment?

We're talking seriously here.

Luigino, why don't you drive around over there?

And why don't you fuck off?

I'm saying that we lost

because over time people keep a sort of unconscious tally

of all his fucking inanities, and when they add them all up,

they come to the conclusion that he has really broken their balls.

Explain this a bit more.

All those trials he has to face, Cupa,

and all those laws to help himself.

You may control six national TV networks,

but people figure things out sooner or later, and they take umbrage.

All those broken promises...

People notice.

His collaborator sentenced to nine years for ties to the Mafia.

People get pissed off.

He goes abroad and says,

"Come die in Italy, we've abolished inheritance taxes."

- That was a good one, though. - Yeah...

Does it seems smart to you to go on TV and say,

"The average Italian has the mental capacity of a seventh-grader,

"and not even one of the brightest. That's who I have to talk to"?

Isn't that true?

Of course it's true. You can think it, but you don't say it.

He's 70 years old, Cupa.

His heart and prostate are wrecked, though he keeps using them,

and sparking endless gossip, I don't know!

I know where you're headed,

but you have to have the courage to say it, not wait for me to say it.

Cupa...

...would you support me?

Support you in what?

In becoming the next leader of the Centre-Right.

You want to be Prime Minister wearing those shirts?

No. I only wear these shirts to support "Made in Italy".

You've never been afraid of speaking your mind, Cupa.

I want an answer from you.

I'm with you.

Go for it!

Fucking hell!

And now, girls, it's up to us.

Youth is fleeting. Let's get busy.

Sergio!

What are you waiting for?

...to steal my husband!

But you didn't love him anymore!

...70% off store prices...

Working now, Sergio!

Kiss him! Now!

You drugged me, you arseholes.

You've covered me with cats.

I can't stand cats.

That's enough.

Enough.

Who are you?

Me?

I'm a talent scout.

To come here, I told Puccio I was going to see the Pope.

I worked for Lory Del Santo, she's great.

Have you ever seen a falcon?

The arsehole kept sending me pictures of his dick.

They wanted to plaster my big toe, I said no!

My friend does good tarot readings.

- Mine says avocado's bad for you. - I can't swim, but I can dive.

- I pretend to drink... - I wanted to kill myself.

- I shit, but I can do it just in my house. - Milan makes you feel alive.

- You know him? - It's so beautiful, so beautiful...

I've got tachycardia. Do you think it's the prawns?

Right, girls, summer's in the air tonight, can you smell it?

We can't smell a thing, Sergio. Our noses are all blocked.

Right, loves, thank you all for coming to dinner tonight.

I wanted you to tell you that I've put a deposit down on Villa Morena,

and, from July 3, you're all my guests in Sardinia!

We're going to throw a truly wild party! Cheers!

You did well, really well.

He'll go mad when he sees all this pussy! They're perfect.

They're nothing special.

For me, you're the perfect pussy.

It doesn't work that way, Sergio.

It never works that way with me.

I saw him at a Forza Italia meeting, he's not so short.

I'll introduce you when he comes to the Bagaglino Show, he's thin.

- We haven't met. - No, I'm a friend of Palmira's.

Ah, the director.

And what do you do?

I'm an extra. I study literature at the Sapienza.

What do you want to do when you grow up?

Act.

- Film or TV? - Is it not the same?

Will you come to my party in Sardinia?

I don't know.

I'd feel inadequate.

I don't drink or do drugs.

Look, what I can guarantee you

is that a lot of TV drama producers come to my villa in Sardinia.

- No, stop. - What's wrong?

I've never cheated on Sergio.

What are you waiting for? The guy's an idiot.

He's not an idiot, and you never did shit for him.

Tamara, he's utterly unpresentable!

I'm not going to piss on my career by promoting an arrogant cocaine addict.

Fuck you, Santino.

Get the fuck off me, now. I will not cheat on my man.

What the fuck?

What are you, 13?

I've never cheated on Sergio.

You just have, dear!

You're a piece of shit!

And now people are going to piss on you.

Because I'll tell them everything, Santino,

I'll tell them everything, you giant piece of shit.

Where are you going...?

Do you have any wishes, Sergio?

Some of my wishes have already come true.

I wanted to get away from that shithole of Taranto and my father.

What's wrong with your father?

He's honest and upright.

Life's a struggle for him. He wanted it to be one for me as well.

I think your father's right.

Why, is your life a struggle?

Absolutely.

Life's really hard when you don't know how to do anything.

After the games are over, there'll be the mirror, Sergio,

and you and I won't even be able to go near it.

Instead your father will be able to look into it proudly

and say, "I was honest and upright."

God, Kira, you're depressing me!

I'm even depressing myself.

Do you believe in God?

Of course. Only on Mondays.

What does he want?

What do you think? He's been tormenting me for years.

It would've been better to fuck him ten years ago, and gotten rid of him.

And you, what do you wish for?

It's better not to wish.

Girls like me are stupid when they dream.

With all the coke I'm giving the girls, the villa in Sardinia,

I'm pissing away everything.

Something has to come in, or I don't know what to do.

This party in Sardinia will be the best investment of your life.

Villa Morena faces his place,

and he'll notice you and your parade of whores,

and find a way to show his gratitude.

Let's hope so.

There, see? Speak of the devil...

I get horny when he calls you.

Good to know!

Darling...

I'm fine.

I'm at home with a friend of mine, whom I want you to meet.

He's really sharp...

His name is Sergio Morra.

So come to the Bagaglino Show...

Yes...

Yes, I know, I know.

I mean, they're totally incompetent!

Where the hell are they going to go with that pathetic majority?

I think you just need to be patient, you'll be back in power soon.

Are you bored, love?

Just because your arm is hurting, you think it's going to fall off!

Shall we do something after the Bagaglino Show, darling?

Oh, that's a shame, you have to go back.

Yeah, Geri was delighted.

This Bagaglino Show is such a pain.

The dickhead didn't show again!

Don't speak about him like that, love.

This cost me 300 euros and it looks like shit.

Most powerful man in Italy, time is money.

If only all you needed was a top to make the difference, love!

Did you check me out properly, love?

Let's hope this shit doesn't go on too long. Oh, God, here we go!

- What is it? - Santino, it's me.

The check you gave me is no good.

- And ten thousand's not enough... - No?

Shut up, Santino, just shut up, you arsehole!

I want 40,000! Otherwise I'll go straight to your wife.

And another thing, I've got a pregnancy test tomorrow.

And if I am, get ready,

you'll have to sell that little house at the Spanish Steps!

Look after yourself!

Couldn't we have got a taxi to this fucking restaurant?

Stupid fucking idea, a walk through Rome! Like I don't know it.

Funny how only Confalonieri is informal with him.

- Galliani as well. - No, Galliani isn't.

- Who said? - I just know.

- You shouldn't have done that. - Done what?

You've ruined everything. You shouldn't have, Tamara.

It's him.

Him and his escort!

VILLA MORENA, SARDINIA

Methylenedioxymethamphetamine, commonly known as MDMA,

stimulates the nervous system and has empathogen properties.

It's perceived as a wave of pleasant warmth that comes from below,

and this is defined with the verb "to come up".

I'm coming up!

- People say, "I'm coming up..." - I didn't come up.

Unlike cocaine it causes a state of sweet excitement,

called "smooth".

Smooth!

Sexual desire isn't predatory and voracious,

but driven by a sense of universal love

for other people and inanimate objects.

An increased lack of judgment is noticed

and an increased sense of emotional disinhibition.

Which is why it is often called the "love drug".

One of the most obvious effects is the so-called "gurning".

Where the fuck are you, Silvio?

We should stay like this forever.

We should all stay like this forever.

I love you, Sergio.

I'm dying! Voilà!

Happy birthday, ma'am.

You're not even slightly funny.

I liked it better

when you wooed me with warm slippers or a cashmere blanket,

because you'd discovered I was cold.

Later I realised that women also like diamonds.

And little butterflies.

Aren't you going to take it?

I'm trying, but it always seems further away.

I'm always moving away from it.

I'm very sorry about your sister-in-law.

How's it going, sir?

To be honest, this place is starting to piss me off.

What's in there?

A Communist.

- I'm going to throw him out. - That's a good one.

My dear Fabrizio, how's it going?

I'd gladly come to the Margot,

but I really should stay at home and be a good boy.

I have to win Veronica back.

Grandma says you know the Latin names of all the plants.

That's true. I studied with the Salesians.

They place a lot of emphasis on Greek and Latin.

- What's this one called? - Caryopteris.

- Are you sure? - Of course I am.

When you clean the pond, where do the swans go?

- They commit suicide. - Really?

No, I was kidding. They get moved to the other pond.

- Does the volcano work, Grandpa? - Of course it works.

I'll show you sometime. Look at that beautiful sea.

- Do you know that Putin... - Who's Putin?

The head of Russia.

When Putin came to visit me

he was right out there in the bay with two warships

and the missile cruiser Moskova. A real spectacle.

- I don't believe it. - You're skeptical today.

I can tell you've been spending time with your grandma.

Grandpa, 12 of my classmates say you're going to go to jail.

- How many are in your class? - 30.

Well, that's about right.

According to a survey I commissioned,

30% of Italians think I should be sent to jail.

Why?

Because they accuse me of tax fraud, cooking the books, corrupting judges,

which everyone else does, not your grandfather.

So will you go to jail?

No, because I am of sound mind,

while the judges are all mentally ill,

and they hate us, me and you.

Do they hate Grandma too?

No. Because she's beautiful and reads very serious books.

I don't think anybody should go to jail.

You're a wonderful guarantor of people's rights,

and I agree with you. I dream of a world without jails.

Grandpa, you just stepped in poop.

No, I didn't.

Yes, you did, just now.

Do you know what the great English scientist Isaac Newton said?

"Appearances only deceive mediocre minds."

You're not mediocre, so you have to see that that's not what happened.

Your grandfather has never stepped in poop his whole life, and never will.

The gardeners tilled the soil which makes little balls of dirt

come up which have a texture very similar to that of poop.

Do you understand now?

Yes, Grandpa. It looks like poop. But it's not.

Bravo. What have you just learned?

- That soil is a lot like poop. - No.

You have learned that truth is the result of our tone of voice

and the conviction with which we speak.

- So maybe it really was poop? - And maybe Newton never said that.

Does it matter? No.

The only thing that matters is that you believed me.

Ma'am, why always the same picture?

When my husband likes something, he wants others just the same.

It's the same with his women too.

NEW JOKES

Who is that man who is always with your husband, ma'am?

Paolo Spagnolo.

Is he his friend?

I don't think so.

My husband hates being alone.

And he very rarely likes being a couple.

Paolo Spagnolo makes three.

- We'll broadcast that one. - OK, sir.

But let me remind you that in this clip,

you didn't talk about the topic most dear to you,

- the constitutional referendum. - It doesn't matter.

In this one, Mrs Ordinary looks at me and thinks,

"I'd give it to him."

Will I return to power?

I'm 70 years old.

If the Left hangs on, it will be another five years.

By then I'll be 75.

Age doesn't matter, sir.

My father-in-law has a friend who's 92 and still does judo.

Not now, love. I'm with the President.

OK, love, got it. I'll call you later. I'll call you!

Excuse me, sir. My wife.

She's insisting I go on Celebrity Survivors.

She says it'll be good for my career.

- I'm your career. - That's what I tell her.

Can you play "Domenica bestiale" by Concato?

No, sir, I don't like that song.

But I do. It's our song, Veronica's and mine.

Beautiful, that. Keep going.

Only you make me feel in my heart

This love I can't forget

Listen, kid, you're taking advantage

Of my love for you and then you pretend

That you're thinking of someone else and you don't tell me

That you still love me and you're happy now

This jealousy is killing me...

Listen, kid, you're taking advantage

Of my love for you and then you pretend

That you're thinking of someone else and you don't tell me

This jealousy is killing me...

Jealousy? I killed it years ago.

I could never have afforded to be jealous, being with you.

- Well, so what's the problem? - My dignity.

You mustn't touch that.

- And I never have. - Yes, you have!

Seeing you in a hedge trying to solve the Violetta Saba problem again

is the umpteenth attack on my dignity.

And don't invent some crazy lies and try to pass them off as the truth.

You can bewitch the Italians, but not me, I've known you for 26 years.

Is that why you're so cold?

Yes.

"Never put aside money, feelings, or thoughts.

"Because you can't use them later."

Natalia Ginzburg said that.

And it's the only thing a Communist ever said that I totally agree with.

Veronica, I have to go to Rome for two days.

For my hair.

It's not true it's over, you're here

Raging like someone who can't scream any more

How the days change when it's you who wants to change them

When the cold kills freedom

For you an hour's always an hour and a bit

When it's night time and you're awake as well

This war of hearts and minds

How long's it going to last?

I've lost it but maybe you've already won it...

Papi.

Here you are! Michel Martinez, the true heir to Maradona.

- Want to take a tour of the villa? - With pleasure, sir.

- What are you reading, love? - Saramago.

He insults you.

It's always gratifying to receive the attentions of a Nobel Prize-winner.

I really loved Saramago's Blindness.

Me too. A masterpiece.

You like it? Lovely, isn't it?

Come to AC Milan, we'll throw a big party, with the volcano erupting.

- It really is something. - I can imagine.

I also had an offer from Juventus.

Turn it down, please, or I'll die.

It's quite tempting, because I really admired Agnelli.

- The man had class. - Juve would make you play striker.

At AC Milan, you'd be number ten.

They're the ones who make history, win the Ballon d'Or...

The others are just football cards. You're better than Maradona.

No one's realised but me. I understand football.

I've corrected the coach's formation so often, and I'm always right!

I'm not sure I want a president who pokes his nose into the locker room.

You have no idea how many showgirls and models

you could get your hands on with AC.

- That's not my priority. - Are you gay?

I have nothing against gays. In fact, 25 percent of me is gay.

Only it's lesbian.

No, I'm not gay, even if I live with my mother.

I'm just not interested in showgirls.

- They're usually frivolous and exhibitionist. - Bravo, Michel.

And distract us from what matters.

Our mothers, on the other hand... are extremely important.

- Who is your idol? - Gullit.

- And yours? - My father.

I'd have thought Agnelli.

My dear Michel, Agnelli inherited his fortune. I made mine.

It's up to you to write the amount.

As you see, with AC Milan, you really can have it all.

Having it all is not enough.

Does it seem right to you that I am still in opposition?

It doesn't to me.

I'll meet him at the cactuses.

My dear Minister.

President.

- How are you? - Like a wealthy retiree.

The Communists snatched the Government from me,

my children, my companies.

All I have left is Veronica, who views me as the origin of all evil.

How about you?

You're awfully morose.

This isn't politics, this is pussy.

How did you know, Silvio?

I don't know anything, I understand.

An indefatigable lover of my calibre

immediately comprehends when another man suffers for love.

Well, that's precisely what I want to talk to you about.

On one condition... that you don't omit her name.

Otherwise I'll spend all my time trying to figure out who she is,

I'll end up not listening, and won't be able to help you!

Tamara Morra. Do you know her?

By sight.

A good-looking woman.

Galbiati was keeping her.

I remember because one time Galbiati used a phrase I found distasteful,

he said, "She's my whore."

She's mine as well. But now she's blackmailing me.

I'm terrified, Silvio. Terrified!

My sterling reputation could be destroyed in an instant.

Evidently, this woman's no good.

That's my problem, Silvio.

I only fall in love with sluts.

Do you know why, Santino?

Because you're a slut as well!

But I'll give you a hand, nevertheless.

Thank you, Silvio.

Now, recite a poem in my honour.

Yes...

Fresh insights, legendary generosity, compelling smile.

Conceited fool, wicked Judas, ridiculous little creature.

See? I'm a poet too. Those verses are for you.

I'm sorry, Silvio, I don't understand.

You need to understand three things.

One...

I am young.

Two...

you are old.

Three...

If you want to take my place, you have to come and talk with me,

not go plotting behind my back.

- Who told you that? - Cupa.

She's two-faced, Silvio.

She urged me to stand as your successor

and then tells you I have ambitions. She set a trap for me.

Listen carefully, Santino.

Whoever is not with me is against me.

They'll be kicked out the party and beheaded politically.

You basked in the sun, but now you'll step into the shadows,

eventually ending up in a dark room.

TV journalists won't seek you out anymore,

my allies will discredit you, and I will liquidate you with a joke.

I don't deserve such a fate, Silvio. I'm a self-made man.

Like hell you are, Santino!

Here in Italy, the only self-made man is me.

You, on the other hand, are merely a vulgar political parasite.

And you've broken my balls.

Silvio, I beg you! I beg you!

You left your phone at home, sir.

Another of Veronica's bright ideas. "No mobile phone day".

Binoculars.

What is that ghastly thing?

I made it.

Actually, I don't dislike it.

You know, you're becoming pretty good at sculpting, love.

- Where's Mariano? - At the villa, sir.

He suffers from seasickness.

Feeling lonely?

No, love. It's just that the sound of the sea annoys me.

I could use some of Mariano's music now.

Agnelli, on his boat, had the portrait Bacon did of him.

We have Apicella.

We also have your wonderful sculpture.

Why, with all those TV channels, did you never do any cultural shows?

I did. We've got Mike.

Mike Bongiorno? Those were quiz shows.

About general culture.

So why did you fire him without even a phone call?

Daniela, his wife, called me. She says that he was really hurt.

It wasn't my decision.

Mike gave you your head start, he gave you his all for 30 years.

All he wants is for you to call him.

I would, if only I had my phone.

- Antonellina, do you have your phone? - Yes, sir.

- Do you have Mike Bongiorno's number? - No, sir.

There!

What is it?

A mystery. I've never understood anything about engines.

Now what do we do?

Now do you understand what mobile phones are for?

Let's wait and enjoy the sea.

You're not afraid of the void?

No, because I look at it from afar.

When I was eight, I decided I didn't want to make my first communion.

So I didn't.

A woman of character.

Which is why I wanted you so much.

You wanted me so much because I was 24 and beautiful.

No, Veronica, not exactly.

You weren't beautiful.

You were of an astounding beauty!

I was useful.

But now I'm 50. And no longer feel needed, by myself, or anyone else.

I can understand that. The dreadful suspicion of being superfluous.

This idea is killing me.

Michel Martinez prefers to go to Juventus even though he'd earn less,

and I can't get back to government. I'm a man of action.

I can't live without projects.

So why can't I manage even a single one anymore, Veronica? Why?

Every now and then, I'm so desperate I think I'll buy another huge house.

We already have 20, Silvio.

We have it all.

Having it all isn't enough.

- Who said that? - I did.

If you really want to win me back, why don't we go to Cambodia,

and do a walking tour of the temples at Anghor?

Love, do you want me to get you an appointment with Maltese?

He's a terrific neurologist.

Do you remember how, two years before we got together,

you courted me all evening at a party?

You've told me that before, but I swear, I simply do not remember.

Well, do you at least remember the song we were listening to

when we had our first kiss?

No. I swear I don't remember.

You remember the servants' names at each of your villas,

but you don't remember our song?

Love is all about these tiny details.

Was this the song, by any chance?

Oi, stop breaking my balls!

Silvio, I have a net worth of 1.7 billion dollars,

I'm number 882 on Forbes' list of the world's richest men,

the 19th richest in Italy.

Two factors allowed me to become so rich:

one, we've been partners for years.

Two, I have never renounced my principles.

On the contrary, I have adhered to them.

Now...

...after years of profits,

our clients suddenly lost big because I made a bad call.

My fault. My fault.

My most grievous enormous fault.

So this is what I propose, I know it may sound crazy, but this is it.

Let's reimburse them, Silvio.

Let's reimburse them.

No finance company would ever do such a thing.

Which is why we have to do it.

Let's reimburse them, and they'll be grateful.

It will cost us 160 million euros, and we'll have to cut the dividend,

but I'm sure that this gesture will bring in new investments.

Let's do it, Silvio.

Let's do it. It pays to be good, I always say.

And altruism is the best way to be selfish.

This is another of my principles.

- OK, Ennio, let's do it. - You're a genius!

- But it was your idea! - Exactly why you're a genius.

Only a genius would give away 160 million euros like that,

for someone else's idea.

Now tell me what's making you sad.

25,000 people.

- So few? - Yes. So few.

Do you realise I lost the election by a mere 25,000 votes?

Which, put a different way, is a mere six senators of difference.

Precisely.

Losing heart for so little? That's not the Silvio I know.

- So what should I do? - Simple.

Convince six senators to come over to your side.

At the first vote of confidence they lose, the Government falls.

An election is called.

You win, and you form the next Government.

Convince six senators?

What have we done all our lives, Silvio?

We've sold things.

Salesmen, that's what we are. The best there are.

What is a salesman, Silvio?

Two things. The salesman is a lonely man.

But we're not interested in that because it would only depress us.

So put that aside, but don't forget it,

the salesman is the loneliest man in the world,

because he talks constantly and never listens.

We're interested in the other thing.

A salesman is a persuader.

We convince other people.

Basically, people don't want to buy. They're afraid.

And then we come along.

And we convince them.

And what is it we convince them of?

Of the virtue of our dreams.

And we don't leave the negotiating table

until our dreams have become theirs as well.

That's when they buy.

And we are happy.

You taught me all this, dear Silvio.

Because you're the greatest salesman I've ever known.

Ennio, that was another life for me.

I don't remember how to do it anymore.

People don't change, Silvio.

No one can escape his own skin.

You remember perfectly well.

Many years ago, when you were a builder,

you constructed an entire city, in the midst of a building crisis,

when nothing was moving, you sold every single unit there.

You're the man who managed to have the routes of the planes altered,

because the Milano 2 houses were depreciating sharply in value.

Starting with one local cable TV station,

you built the largest private television empire in Europe,

which you sold to the entire country. Can I stop here?

So...

...you're saying I should convince six senators to come over to my side?

Yes. That's what I'm saying.

Send for them, convince them, sell them your dream of the future.

Throw your whole self into it, Silvio.

Altruism is the best way to be selfish.

Ennio, the smartest move I ever made was teaming up with you.

Mine too, Silvio.

Mine too.

Hello?

Good evening, Elide.

Who is this?

Augusto Pallotta, head of sales at Pallotta Real Estate Ltd.

And does this seem to you the time to call people to sell an apartment?

Yes, ma'am,

because this is when decent people like ourselves cultivate our dreams.

Listen, I don't have time to waste.

Neither do I, ma'am. If I'm calling you now,

it's because I can assure you not only are we not wasting time,

but rather improving it.

I don't need an apartment.

Yes, ma'am, everyone dreams of owning a home.

Or, if they already own one, they dream of another, larger, comfier, prettier.

Or maybe one for a child who's getting married.

- Do you have children? - Yes, a daughter.

But, listen...

Wouldn't you like to see the same joy in her eyes

as when she was eight in the school play,

and you were there to watch her?

Wouldn't you like to give her a special gift

to make her forget that day when you were crying on the couch,

and she came up behind you and said in that sad voice,

"I'm here, Mum, and I love you"?

Who are you, again?

I'm Augusto Pallotta, ma'am,

and I've sold more than 15,000 apartments.

You can check if you like.

And do you know why I've sold so many?

Because I don't only sell apartments, I sell dreams.

It's late for dreams.

Says who?

I haven't told you anything yet.

I haven't told you about our zero-interest mortgages.

I haven't told you my dream, and you haven't told me yours.

Look, let me go.

Tomorrow's Another Day is on Canale 5. I want to see how it ends.

I'll tell you how it ends.

It ends happily, ma'am.

Loretta and Flavio get back together and have a second child.

Wouldn't you like your life to be like the show you were watching?

I can make that happen, I can make that happen!

Listen to me, ma'am, I don't have time to waste either,

or I'd have hung up already

if we weren't building right near your home, in Borgo Roma,

and my men have been collecting names and they gave me your file.

But I don't want to sell to the first person who walks by.

I want to sell to people like you,

decent, good people, people who have suffered.

In your voice I can hear a pain coming from far away.

And I know that not only do you need to leave that pain behind,

but you deserve to!

Do you understand what I'm saying? You deserve to bury that pain, ma'am!

Because it's not your fault.

Of course it's not my fault

if that arsehole ran off with a 24 year-old beautician.

Listen to me, ma'am, I am a man,

so it would be easy and natural for me to justify your husband.

But I'm respected in my work because I tell the truth.

And the truth is men are limited beings.

They are slaves to infantile temptations.

They do not see the future, which they later regret.

I know that your husband has already tried to come back home to you,

because he couldn't keep up with a 24-year-old,

and that you quite rightly told him to go to hell.

At his first blunder, the girl got fed up.

He tried to come back home, making all sorts of excuses and promises.

But all those excuses and promises sounded stale to you.

Whereas all you want now is novelty.

And I am an angel of the night, come to offer you novelty.

How do you know all this about me?

I know the script of life!

You don't become the most successful salesman in all of Italy

without knowing the hopes and pains of your clients.

And tonight I chose only one client...

...you.

Look, you are really intrusive. I don't trust you.

It sounds to me like a scam. I think you're a swindler.

Did you hear me?

Are you offended?

OK, I'm sorry I called you a swindler, but I don't know you.

OK, then, goodbye.

1,300 square feet, southern exposure,

half a mile from your current address, Via Manzoni 21, ultramodern.

The living room?

I'm 5 foot 6, so imagine me lying on the floor and multiply by seven,

and you'll have the length of the room.

Balconies 12 feet deep, which run along the entire facade.

Air-conditioning in all rooms, electric shutters.

We provide the refrigerator,

which can be controlled from your mobile phone.

We also provide the phone.

A technician will explain how it works.

The apartment is beautiful, but the complex is stunning.

Golf carts right outside your door,

for visiting new friends in the neighbouring buildings.

A little lake with swans.

Two swimming pools, one indoors, heated.

Sauna, a condominium massage room,

armchairs in the lobby with a 24-hour doorman,

a large play area for the grandchildren you will have.

A citrus grove, a community centre with an art gallery,

a small amphitheatre for plays, because culture is fundamental,

and a proper volcano, with fireworks for your loved ones' birthdays.

Because parties are fundamental, too.

Tennis, football, gym, ice-cream shop,

pizzeria, two restaurants, one fish, one meat.

Finally, an antique carousel in the centre of the square.

Now tell me, have I not thought of everything?

Well, I must say, you really have thought of everything.

But is it really only half a mile away? I haven't seen anything.

Because it's all still on paper!

Work begins in a month, keys in six.

But...

...there's a little problem.

What is that?

The price is a little higher than current market prices.

That might not be such a problem.

I still have to sell my mother's shop downtown.

Did you hear me?

Are you still there, sir?

I will always be here for you.

You asked me earlier if I was offended.

I'm never offended!

If you did to someone

What you did to me

This man would have killed you

You wanna know why?

Because on this earth

Women like you

Shouldn't have to be

For an honest man like me

Woman

You're a bad low-down woman

You made these eyes cry

Tears and misfortune

Woman

You're worse than a viper

You've poisoned my soul

I can't live this way any longer

Woman

You're sweet as sugar

But your angel face

You use for deceiving

Woman

You're the most beautiful woman

I love you and I hate you

I can never forget you

Fantastic!

You're great!

Veronica...

Silvio... I've fallen in love with you.

Disinfection.

Silvio, thank you for forgiving me.

Listen...

...I spoke with my uncle.

That's why I forgave you. What did he say?

He says your idea of convincing six senators is beautiful and poetic,

but pointless, Silvio.

What's needed instead is something more concrete,

more material, that's what he says.

I understand.

My dear Senator, did you get a drink?

I did. I asked for an Arnone lemonade,

and they had it! Usually I can never find it.

We have everything.

- Would you like a tour of the villa? - Gladly, thank you.

- How was the flight? - Perfect.

Thanks to the private plane you kindly provided.

How's your son? Michele, isn't it?

Fine, fine. He's just graduated and is looking for a job.

Tell him he's found one.

I'm sure there'll be a place in one of my companies.

Didn't you divest them over the conflict of interest?

Well, Senator, now I would like to talk to you about a dream.

Please, sir, for once, would you listen to me while I speak?

Right, you would like me to come over to your side,

that I help you, along with five other senators

to topple the Centre-Left majority, of which I'm a member.

You are asking me to betray.

In love we betray, but in politics, we change our mind.

Sacrosanct.

But I doubt I will change my mind. Do you know why?

Not because you label Italian magistrates a bunch of subversives,

or because you hired a Mafioso as a stable manager.

The self-serving laws you had passed to further your economic interests

or to avoid ending up in jail, they're not a problem either.

Not because the wealthiest man in Italy,

who owns three national TV networks,

could simultaneously be the head of government.

And not because your politics are nothing more than populist propaganda

at the expense of our poor people...

So if all these inferences of yours are not the reason,

then, excuse me for asking, why did you come all the way here

to tell me that you won't switch sides?

Because I wanted to switch sides. That's exactly the point!

The problem is that, while I waited for you, I remembered something.

What?

What the writer Javier Marias said about you.

Oh, God, another one! What did this one have to say?

He said that when you attend international summits,

you play the master of the house, with all your jokes and antics,

merely because you suffer an enormous inferiority complex.

This is the reason I cannot side with you.

Because your inferiority complex embarrasses me.

And, believe me, at my age,

embarrassment is something I can no longer allow myself.

Dear Senator,

do you know what happens when someone uses psychology on me?

No, what?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing happens.

And do you know what happens when I use psychology on other people?

No, what?

The engine starts revving.

I start making money.

How's your cultural foundation doing, Rizzo?

In the red, two million euros, because...

FIRST

SECOND

THIRD

FOURTH

There, 20 seconds,

that's how long it takes my companies to bring in two million euros.

How would you feel about voting with us, maybe even in the next round?

FIFTH

Can you arrange for Barletta to play the German Chancellor?

Actually, the Director wanted a German actress of about 60.

Barletta's not for me.

BERLUSCONI - HEAD OF DRAMA AT RAI

But she's close to a senator I'm trying to convince to come over.

I'll see what we can do. Barletta will do just fine.

Thank you, you're a sweetie.

Could you give me a hand with Gardin?

Right, Silvio, as regards Gardin,

they thought for Marietta she was a little too modern, let's say.

You think? The more I think about it Gardin was doing fine.

Let's be honest, though.

The problem, though, is that they all want to be Joan of Arc or Mata Hari

or Rita Levi Montalcini when she receives the Nobel.

You think I don't know they're all bimbos who have no idea how to act?

PHONE TAPS

Listen, how's it going with the senators?

Pretty good, I'd say.

SIXTH

- Silvio, did you read them? - Read what?

The papers published your wire tapped conversations with Martino.

I get mentioned as well. The papers are calling me. What should I do?

To begin with, don't call me, because your phone is tapped for sure.

I need to go now. Bye.

Wait, what about us?

Us what?

Excuse me, why are you acting so cold?

I'm not cold, I'm being wiretapped.

What about my role in St. Teresa of Avila?

- I studied so hard for that. - What about my political role?

And my international reputation?

And the reaction of my children when they read about this?

And my wife's wounded dignity?

Don't call me again, Manuela!

Where are you going?

To Cambodia, to see the temples, a walking holiday.

- Are you mad at me? - No.

At myself.

Are you leaving the Centre-Right?

Yes. And with great regret.

I will be joining the centrist grouping.

The contents of these phone taps are unacceptable.

I'm very sorry about my links with President Berlusconi,

but I honestly knew nothing about this dark side of his.

I feel he has hurt me as a member of his party,

but, above all, as a woman.

Gaia, do "Mille lire Al mese" for Mr President.

Silvio, you hear how good she is?

I studied whistling technique in Dubai.

And she's not just good, she's beautiful.

And I brought her here because she's dying to meet you.

Bravo, Fabrizio, but now you can take her back. You go as well, Fabrizio.

Dear Veronica,

I read as well.

Come, dear.

I have a favourite writer as well.

Dino Buzzati.

I memorised a passage of his.

"While you're at a cocktail party,

"brushing against young women's backs,

"or dancing, feeling your chest pressed against tender breasts,

"at that precise moment, in a small, smoke-filled room

"is a young man working

"and who, cursing perhaps, does what you should be doing.

"There, the young man in that room was me."

But I am him no longer.

Happy birthday to you

All the best!

30 years are fucking nothing!

They're absolutely nothing!

Oh, life, oh, my life

Oh, heart of my heart

You were my first love

And first and last you will be for me

How many nights I haven't seen you

I haven't held you in my arms

You can't come in.

You're joking? I'm the manager of the club.

You still can't come in.

Furthermore, just a little warning...

I never joke.

You make me cry for you

Oh, life, oh, my life

Oh, heart of my heart

You were my first love

And first and last you will be for me

Silvio, do you know Sergio Morra?

I've heard talk of him.

Good things, I hope, President.

Did you receive the sweaters I sent you?

Yes, dear boy, I think so.

Kira told me you threw a big party, with lots of girls.

Yeah, we had fun.

Come by the house, tomorrow, away from all this chaos.

With great pleasure, President.

May I introduce my partner, Tamara, President?

Very pleased to meet you.

Would you like to dance, President?

Why not?

Well, was that OK?

Oh, God, thank you, President.

Where are you from, Tamara?

Rome, President,

then I met Sergio and followed him to Taranto.

By the way, Santino is still in love with you.

I'm a bit tired...

I'm going to go soon.

Hello.

Good morning, Mr President.

Tamara made this to thank you for the necklace you gave her last night.

Did you rent that villa and fill it with beautiful girls to catch my eye?

Well, it worked.

Congratulations.

For what?

For bringing down the Government.

A brilliant move, convincing six senators.

Now, after the election, you can return to power.

I'm thinking about my first cabinet meeting.

I want to hold it in Naples, a city I love, suffocated by trash.

I'll bring growth to the South, I'm going to create new jobs,

liberalization, lower taxes and stimulate growth.

And build the bridge to Sicily.

While that Cupa Caiafa...

Has made the greatest fuck-up of her life.

She didn't think I was capable of bringing down the Government.

First mistake.

Then she tried to muddy the waters by going over to the centrists.

Second mistake.

Now she's formed her little party on the right

and is trying to extort a few seats from me. Third mistake.

She will end up with nothing. What would you like?

My dream is to become a Euro MP.

Or to get into the area of public works if I could win some contracts.

- I like to keep busy. - I'll introduce you to someone.

But, Sergio, I want to throw a big party here, with the girls.

- How many do you have? - 28.

- Not enough. - I can find lots more.

Good, but they have to be trustworthy.

I allow mobile phones, but I don't want any videos being snuck out of here.

Remember, this villa is an official government residence.

Of course.

Have them come in simple attire, light makeup, no heels.

We're not very tall.

And no girls for hire. I've never needed to pay, I love to seduce.

Why would we need girls like that? They all love you!

You have no idea how many insist on meeting you.

Ever since Playboy did that sexy politician poll

and I finished first, I've been besieged.

The other day a girl asked me,

"President, what must I do to sleep with you?"

I told her to talk to my secretary.

As for food, I was thinking pizza and champagne.

That could work, right?

And Michele will make homemade ice cream for everyone.

No drugs. That's something I will not tolerate.

Absolutely. I've also prepared a surprise for you, a little dance...

Oh, and the girls can sleep over if they want.

All right, sir.

Come, and bring along a few girlfriends.

Beautiful friends, though, no whores...

You graduated, right?

Then get yourself some eyeglasses

and show up with a couple of newspapers. He likes that sort.

Don't disappoint me, Livia.

So you'll come?

Listen, you're going to see all sorts of things, just don't give a fuck.

Girls, have breakfast and we'll go over the dance once more.

What a pain!

- Well, why did you want to see me? - I have an opportunity for you.

- You for me? - Me for you.

The "Olgettine" girls, yours, I need them.

They're all on holiday, who knows where?

I don't give a shit. Round them up. You're drowning in debt, Fabrizio.

Bring him the girls and I'll convince him to help you.

You'll help me?

You'll end up being treated like shit.

Flushed down the toilet.

Hey, babe, we're on again.

There's a great dream

Living in us

We're the freedom people

President, we're with you

Just as well Silvio's here

Long live Italy

The Italy that chose to keep believing in this dream

President, we're with you

Just as well Silvio's here

Long live Italy

The Italy that chose to keep believing in this dream

President, we're with you

Just as well Silvio's here

President, this is for you

Just as well Silvio's here!

Have you seen how many books people have written, attacking me?

The Left can't figure me out.

They think that everything is always complicated.

And instead it's all so simple.

You have the charisma of a brook.

You bring freshness and well being to the valleys,

and you satisfy people's thirst.

That's all.

Listen now, girls!

I have the charisma of a brook.

He has the hands of a king, he should be wearing a ring.

My son will study him at school. He's incredible.

Just in servants he must employ 10,000 people.

Do you think he cries?

His wife's mad.

He's not as short as they say.

With those new eyes he has a Middle Eastern charm.

I want to live in his head.

He drives me wild when he dresses as an admiral.

- Tell me this is true. - It's true.

We have so many beautiful ladies here this evening.

My Cicerenella, you're good and beautiful

My Cicerenella, you're good and beautiful!

Bravo!

Thank you, thank you.

I'll tell you a joke now.

Do you know the difference between Christianity and Communism?

- No. - No.

The first preaches poverty,

the second creates it.

Good one!

Now, if you want, you can go and dance.

Michele has homemade ice cream for everyone.

Or a ride on the carousel.

Whatever you like, girls, have fun.

Have fun!

President,

excuse me...

About that dream of mine of becoming a Euro MP,

I wanted to tell you my thoughts on Georgia...

Please, why do you want to spoil everything?

Stella...

...why don't you come sit on my lap?

Maybe in a bit.

I have to go to the bathroom a sec.

Excuse me a moment, Kira.

What the fuck do you want? Bugger off out of here!

Girls, I mean...

Do you know why this is happening?

Because, for him, I'm just another accessible thing.

Only Stella is ten years younger than me.

Do you feel old?

I feel stupid.

Why do you do it?

It doesn't cost me anything.

And men like it so much.

No. You love him.

Perhaps.

President, what are you doing here?

I wanted to show you something.

Isn't that hysterical?

You have...

...such beautiful skin.

Aren't you coming through?

There are some important old men through there.

Men who determine the fate of TV actors.

You want to be an actress, I'm told.

I'm not so sure.

Maybe you're interested in politics, then?

I need some young women like you, smart and pretty,

for the upcoming European elections.

I want to rejuvenate the whole parliamentary spectrum.

Except for yourself.

You really do have beautiful skin.

And an even more beautiful mouth.

Don't you like my party?

May I speak freely?

You're in the house of freedom!

No, I don't like it.

Why not? What's not to like?

There's music, merriment, and good food.

And then what?

That is something...

...only you can decide.

Are you mad at me?

Do you think I have shown you disrespect?

If so, I apologise.

No, no disrespect.

In your own way, you are kind and gentlemanly.

So what's wrong?

Your breath smells like my grandfather's.

Which is neither sweet nor bad smelling.

What is it, then?

It's merely the breath of an old man.

Sorry, I didn't want to offend you.

I never take offense.

It's just that I feel uncomfortable.

I'm sorry. But why?

Because I'm 20 and you're 70.

Because I'm pathetic for being here,

and you're pathetic when you pay me compliments and offer me apologies.

It's pathetic that you took off your shoes and are sitting cross-legged

to make yourself seem young.

It's all so pathetic, President.

And sad.

And you can't build anything on sadness.

Not even a fuck.

At your age, happiness should be a civic duty.

At my age, happiness is only a wish.

What are you doing?

I think it's best if I go now.

Summer's over for me.

Come on, stay. Maybe later we'll set off the volcano. It's a real sight.

Where did we go wrong, Sergio?

When we thought we were smarter than them.

Are you pregnant?

I was.

Jump, jump!

I swear to be loyal to the Republic,

to observe faithfully the Constitution and the laws,

and to exercise my duties in the exclusive interest of the nation.

What happened, ma'am?

I lost my dentures while I was fleeing.

I'll get you a new set.

Thank you.

I'm 5 foot 6.

Imagine me lying on the ground

and multiply that by four, that's the size of your living room.

You will all have new houses, anti-seismic, built in record time.

L'Aquila will have a new town.

Because I always keep my promises.

Jesus Christ! We want Jesus Christ back!

Call Mike.

He's miserable.

There are lots of rumours that I'm not interested in governing,

that all I care about are girls, and that...

Unfortunately, the rumours will become even more insistent

if you don't go to address the UN next week.

I have a backache.

The UN will let you speak even with a backache.

Send Santino.

They want you, not him.

I can understand that.

There's another thing, delicate and annoying.

It seems that a sort of handbook has been drawn up,

agreed by various foreign ministers,

regarding how you should behave at international summits.

No kisses, no hugs, no pats on the back,

no jokes, no pranks, no gestures, no peek-a-boo.

I do as I please.

My electors like the way I behave with other heads of state.

At least your jokes, Silvio. Could you at least avoid telling jokes?

What do they have against jokes?

What about Churchill, then?

He was famous for his jokes.

Silvio, Churchill had to exorcise a world war.

Prime Minister, ready for your massage.

Paolo, don't you think there should be a museum dedicated to me?

Not yet, sir.

New York?

No, Naples.

Welcome back, love.

Do you like the temple? I had it built for you.

Would you like to go to our house in Portofino for a weekend?

Silvio, don't you understand why I came back?

Because it's first night at the opera

and, after a while, Cambodia on foot is a real drag.

I came back to divorce you.

You don't actually believe all that nonsense in the leftist papers?

Don't you see that it's all a plot to destroy me?

The Left has done nothing but let you off. That's its greatest fault.

Now, try to be a man, and not a clown.

You're not on TV, it's just you and me here.

A husband and wife at the most painful moment of their relationship.

The moment of failure.

I came back merely to tell you

that I am bringing the curtain down on my married life with you.

- Why? - You're a sick man.

- What are you saying? - And you need psychiatric help.

That's enough. Please. You're being melodramatic.

I'll try to be less melodramatic.

Good. Wasn't there a shell here?

A man, a father, who goes with minors, what is he?

A head of state who fills his home with scumbags and whores

who blackmail him, what is he?

A leader who nominates bimbos for the European election, what is he?

He's a crazy, sick man. That's what he is.

Was that less melodramatic?

Remember what Borboni said when she saw you in the theatre?

"You were good, dear, just a shame I couldn't hear anything!"

That doesn't offend me. I know I was never a good actress.

Not only were you no actress, but you were a bimbo, too,

though they weren't called that then.

Fine, but remember that this bimbo

became the mother of your three children.

Look what you became!

Maybe that's why I felt the need for companionship.

So what are you going to do? Embrace your hired lackeys' theory?

The wife doesn't look after the husband so he sees minors and prostitutes?

What minors! Noemi is the daughter of a Socialist I've known forever.

Elio Letizia.

Well, who is he?

He was Craxi's driver.

Craxi's children say that his driver was called Nicola.

Nobody knows your Letizia.

He's someone I discussed the Neapolitan candidates with.

He has a perfume shop, Silvio.

Why would the leader of a party

discuss something of such importance with a perfume seller?

Veronica... don't be ridiculous.

I'm not, in fact. You're the one who's ridiculous, Silvio.

And pathetic.

You're a sick man, Silvio, not because you like women,

but because you had much better things to do, but you didn't.

You had an extraordinary opportunity to help the Italians, but you didn't.

Because you've never been interested in the Italians, but only yourself.

That's why you are sick, Silvio.

If there is a God somewhere,

he will never forgive you for what you've done. Never!

You wanted to be a statesman,

you even aspired to become President of the Republic,

but you're still nothing but a salesman.

When you were young, you sold things.

But when you became Prime Minister, you simply sold out.

You sold out on Italian culture, people's hopes, and women's dignity!

- And you sold out on me. - I sold out on you?

I put you at the centre of the world

when that world was about to forget you

even before it could begin to remember your name.

What gives you the right to say such mean things to me?

What have you ever done in life

to make you think you can make such awful accusations?

Just because you've raised three children, you think you have the right?

Well, now that you've established who I am, let me tell you who you are.

You're devoid of all vitality. You're cold and formal.

You've built a world of intolerable rules.

Before you laugh, you ask yourself if it's right to laugh.

What kind of life is that?

I may not have rules, but at least I'm alive, and full of vigour.

In the end, I'll be able to say I took the opportunities life offers!

But you have always thought

that life was a long, painful assumption of responsibilities.

That's sad. Much sadder than my behaviour.

You don't have any real stimuli.

All those things, weird philosophies, temples, sculpture,

they're all fluff. Fluff!

The illusions of one who refuses to face life for what it really is.

And it was my money that allowed you to avoid facing the fact

that life is full of shit and humiliations.

But I went and dirtied my hands for you and our children,

and I did it better than anyone else in this whole country.

I built a financial and political empire.

Fine, Silvio, fine.

You've spent a lifetime telling us and yourself how brilliant you are!

We've had enough of it. And you want to know something else?

It's not true.

It's not true you're as skilful as you say you are.

Your skill as a businessman consists in having cheated your whole life.

You are so naive!

What do you think every other businessman,

here and around the world, does?

Do you think they're all blessed with righteousness except for me?

Let me tell you a truth

that's never penetrated into your little bell jar of a life.

They're all like me.

They're all prepared either to go around obstacles or knock them down.

But I did it better than the rest of them, because I am the best.

You're just a child who's afraid of dying.

But I have a duty to be completely honest with you.

You're not good.

You survived thanks to Craxi

and criminals who did the dirty work for you

and ended up in jail as a result.

And your beloved TV stations?

I'm sorry to disappoint you, Silvio, but you didn't invent a thing.

You merely bloated the schedules

with advertising, promotional messages, soap operas,

racy variety shows, B-movies, and idiotic quiz shows.

You're always bragging, but you're worth much less than you think.

So, all these years, you've been thinking I had no qualities?

So why did you stay with me all this time, then?

The only motivation you and your idiot cronies had

in governing this country was your sex drive, your vanity,

and protecting your hoard.

So now we're getting divorced, you're not interested in my hoard?

You're going to walk away?

I have my children to think about.

The great alibi all women produce when it comes to a separation.

Answer my question.

I pity you!

You and your friends.

It's like you stepped out of some Totò and Peppino film.

You came from the countryside with your money in your mattress,

your dandy voices,

and your tongues hanging out at the idea of meeting the pin-up girls.

That's what you are,

the same old comic characters, pretending to be modern.

You haven't answered, dear.

Why did you stay with me all this time

if you never thought I had any qualities?

Tell me, please.

No, you answer, for once.

The question everyone always asks.

Where did your fortune come from?

My father lent me 30 million lire to get started.

That's not true.

It was 113 billion lire,

and no one has ever figured out where it came from. So tell me.

I avail myself of the right to remain silent.

I'm not a judge.

To me, it's as if you've answered.

But you haven't answered.

You never reveal yourself.

Not even to me.

You are one long, uninterrupted performance, Silvio.

And what about you?

Isn't yours a long performance as well?

I fell in love with a sweet girl from Emilia.

You had a beautiful Bolognese accent.

What's left of that healthy, clever, happy girl,

with a head full of dreams?

You put on airs I can't understand.

You're eternally standoffish, prickly, and formal.

It's true, I never reveal myself, Veronica, but you...

...I don't recognise you anymore.

Do you want to know what's left of that girl?

Nothing.

Nothing's left.

I've grown old.

And I've grown old badly.

- And it's my fault. - I didn't say that.

Please answer me.

Why did you stay with me all this time

if you never thought I had any qualities?

Because I was in love.

That was your quality.

You made me fall in love.

Call Mike.

You hurt him.

Sir, I'm going.

Where?

What do you mean, where? Celebrity Survivors.

With two suitcases?

You're not even allowed a toothbrush there.

- I'll try and hide them. - And what have you got in them?

Mozzarella, provola, my espresso maker.

Come back soon.

If I come back later, it's because I won.

Then you'll be back soon.

Why won't they let me govern?

Why won't they let me run this country the way I did my companies?

Instead the leftist judges torment me with trials,

my political opponents attack me every day,

and everyone snoops around in my private life?

I don't understand it.

What did you expect?

That you could be the richest man in the country,

be Prime Minister, and everyone would be crazy for you?

Yes, that's exactly what I expected.

Well, you never got off that cruise ship where we played as kids.

Or maybe I never got on it.

You know something?

A few days ago, in some magazine,

there were photos of all your supposed girlfriends.

And I noticed...

...they all look like Veronica.

Why don't you try again, Silvio?

One day there was a girl here.

Stella she was called.

I approached her and she said to me...

..."You have my grandfather's breath...

"...which is neither sweet nor bad smelling.

"It's just the breath of an old man."

I didn't have the courage to tell her the truth.

That evidently...

...her grandfather and I use...

...the same brand of denture cleaner.

It's too late to win back Veronica, Fedele, it's too late.

I had big dreams.

They've become nightmares.

Daniela was really worried about me when I was fired.

She thought I was upset.

But what made me feel upset was that you didn't fire me yourself.

Daniela would say, "Why hasn't Silvio called?

"You've worked together your whole lives."

And I'd tell her, "He'll call, you'll see, as soon as he has a moment."

I was right.

You're sad, Silvio.

This is the first time I've ever seen you sad.

The only time I really had fun was when I was selling houses.

As I let slip with Enzo Biagi, I went into politics to avoid jail,

to salvage what I could, and to control the TV regulations.

But I really wanted to do something for my country.

I truly love Italy, as I said when I entered politics.

But no one believed me, Mike.

No one.

They say I haven't ever kept a single promise.

They say that, after all these scandals,

my political career is coming to an end. Is that true, do you think?

I don't know, Silvio.

I don't follow politics much.

Once, back when I was still skiing, I was in a mountain hut,

and this lady asked me, "Mr Bongiorno, who are you, really?"

I was dumbfounded.

Because I didn't know.

Do you know what the difference is between you and me, Mike?

Inside here, you only have memories. I have plans.

What a strange job you had, Mike.

Hosting quiz shows your whole life.

It's a bit silly, if you think about it.

- What? - If you want, you can sleep here.

Thanks, Silvio, but Daniela would be happier if I get back to Milan tonight.

Fine.

The next time you come, we'll light the volcano.

WELCOME FROM YOUR PRIME MINISTER

Millions of quality Mattresses...

And then the Doria family left...

Giorgia, 32...

You hang out with them...

It's new with even more features...

A few thousand Euros...

LIVE FROM L'AQUILA

Up... up...

That's it, slowly.

Keep going. Slowly.

It's coming out.

Up like that.

Up.

A little more rope.

Keep going.

There it is.

That's it coming out.

Start lowering the rope.

Down.

Down...

Down like that.

Perfect.

They'll get it.

Down.

Down...

Down slowly...

Slow...

Slow...

Down.

Down...

Slowly... about to touch...

About to touch...

Touching. Perfect.

FOR PATRIZIO

THEM