All language subtitles for Going.Dutch.S01E08.1080p.x265-ELiTE

All right.

What the hell?

Captain, what are these Dutch civilian
workers doing? It's like they're doing

nothing. Exactly. It is the Dutch art
form of Nixon, which is the art of doing

nothing. The Dutch really have it all
figured out.

It's coming!

Oh. Sorry.

I love this Nixon thing. It's just the
mental health break I needed. Seriously.

Okay. You suck at hacky sack, Colonel.
But that's good for my mental health.

-bye. Dutch laziness thing is a virus.
It's now spreading to my soldiers.

It's got to be stopped. Major, get on
that. Changing entire country's work

ethic. I'm on it. We're going to have
to, okay? I need to get this base to the

point where it's 100 % American. Not
every place should be America.

That attitude is why you won't be
speaking at my funeral.

What the hell is this?

Hi, Colonel.

Your aura right now is red, orange, and
pulsing.

Is my Dutch translator high at work?

No, but I was high because I was at a
rate all night. But I'm coming down very

slowly, too slowly.

So I'm just trying to hoop it all out.

Oh, I can't believe I get to say this.

What? You're fired?

Oh, my God.

This must be what it feels like to do
cocaine, because my whole body is

right now. If you want to find out, I
know just the right person. Sir, you

fire him. All Dutch citizens employed
for over three years are basically

tenured.

Let me tell you something, pal. I don't
know how.

I don't know when, but I do know why.

You are everything that's wrong with
this culture, so when I can your ass,

these Dutch workers are going to learn a
lesson. Okay.

What are you doing? Why are you still
looping?

Because I already did the crime, so I
might as well enjoy my time.

I'll see you later, Connie.

them enjoying the sun like total
psychos. Colonel? Yeah? Holding all

and an all -afternooner to become an
expert in Dutch labor law, I regret to

inform you that it's almost impossible
to fire someone in the Netherlands.

Even a substandard employee gets three
strikes.

And then I can fire a Dutch ass? You
actually have to hire a mediator.

I don't know, Jan's hula drug binge?
That was only a second strike.

Wait till you hear how many sick days
they get.

Unlimited. That was a typo. That's
crazy. How many sick days did you take

year? Zero. Yeah, I love America and
Dayquil. Mm -hmm.

How many days off do these Dutch
deadbeats need? I mean, don't they know

is more important than work? I mean,
nothing.

Dad, when you say nothing is more
important than work, I am the nothing in

sentence. Oh, yeah.

A lot of people in kitchen artwork, in
beach houses.

would say that family is more important
than work. Unlike you, the Dutch

understand a work -life balance. Let's
not go crazy here. Let's remember, work

is the engine that keeps our nation
running. And I'm not going to let these

Dutch layabouts rub their stinky cheese
all over that. I'm going to wait for Jan

to screw up one more time, and then I'm
going to nail his hairless hide to the

wall.

Not this wall, because that's my general
patent wall.

Are you severely hurt?

I don't know.

Well, look what we have here. You just
ran over an American soldier. Strike

three.

Gotcha, bitch.

Name, please.

I'm Henrik. I'm to lead the mediation
for you.

It's funny. I must be in the wrong room.

No, no, no, Hendrick.

You are the judge. You are right on
time. We've been waiting for you. I'm

the judge. I'm Hendrick.

So, mediator, why do you have an
audience?

Oh, well, this is the colonel, and he
made attendance compulsory for all Dutch

employees. Yeah, you can't really have a
courtroom trial without some murmuring.

You know what I mean? Yeah, but it's not
a trial. It's a mediation. I know, but

I thought we'd jazz it up with a little
American razzmatazz. You ever see a few

good men? Of course.

Peaks Harkin. Yes, great movie with a
timeless message. Yes, speaking truth to

power. No, no, no, that's not the
message. The message is keeping the Code

at a distance and probably making sure
you have a separate guy to handle the

Code Reds. Anyway, it doesn't matter.
You're still in charge, and you get to

one of these.

Oh,

American Law Hammer. It's your American
Law Hammer.

Oh, I like that.

Yeah. Thank you, sir. You're welcome.
Oh, the guy looks like a Viking.

Why did you give him that hammer? Now
he's Thor.

You don't think this is a bit much? His
methods may be unconventional, but he

really inspires people to work hard. I
mean, look at me. I spent all night

prepping for this case, and you can't
even tell.

Your eye is twitching. Your eye is
twitching.

Well, Jan is late for his own trial. How
very Dutch of him.

Where is he, this Scandinavian twit?

Hello, everyone.

Wow.

Is everyone here for me?

Well, isn't life just as practical?

I'm a big fan of runways, you know.
You're wearing that shirt, by the way.

Let the trial of John begin.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think we all
know why we're here. It is because I'm

quite the character, yes? No, no. You
are lazy and incompetent. It's these

insane Dutch labor laws that require
three strikes before termination.

Strike one, six months ago when Jan
turned a broom closet into his own

steam room, we had to burn the towel.
Strike two, we had to burn the hula

Jan's third strike came yesterday when
he recklessly and with malice drove his

bike into private VA. That's not what
happened at all, Mr. Colonel. Really?

Enlighten me. The only reason I hate
private dummy is because he is a dummy.

I was just riding around, you know,
enjoying the attention of the sun.

Then he walked in front of me, flailing
around without looking.

I tried to stop in time, but I couldn't.
But I cannot blame him, because he has

been failed by the third world American
education system.

He does not know that in this country,
bicycles always have the right of way.

All he understands is American cars, and
they beep, beep, honk, honk.

I'm done talking.

Your Honor.

Jan has just admitted to hitting the
victim. And all Jan has to say for

is, beep, beep, honk, honk. I repeat,
ladies and gentlemen, beep, beep,

honk, honk.

Wow. That's good.

Captain McGee, do you think you could
help me?

Yeah, I'm not a lawyer.

Yes, but you are the only one who can
speak up to him.

Well, he's insane. I wish I could help.
First they came after the Hula Hoopers,

and you did not speak up because you
were not a Hooper.

Then they came for the trade union. No,
no, no, stop being in it. That was

inappropriate. Yeah, don't. Yeah, okay.
I'm just not very good at defending

myself. Ladies and gentlemen, I think
it's time for you to say goodbye to your

precious family because I'm about to
introduce a concept that we call in

overtime.

I object.

To the murmurs? I found the hushed
whispers appropriate.

And who are you? I'm Captain Margaret
Quinn, Colonel Quinn's daughter, and

new defense.

Lawyer. Americans are so good at
Rastajan.

Jan, what's your last name?

One of last mysteries, isn't it?

Yes. Yep.

Captain, I would like to formally join
your law firm.

This trial seems fun as hell, and you
know I love committing to the bit.

Do you know anything about law? Yes. I
grew up watching reruns of Law & Order

every night. There's always two lawyers.

One who talks, one who slides in papers.

Mm -hmm. It's true.

I want to slide your papers.

Fine.

This is an open and shut gate.

There are only two witnesses to the
crime.

The perpetrator and the victim. So you
have to ask yourself, who can you trust?

I recall to the stand, Jan.

Huh? Let's go.

Yeah, and my associate has handed me a
file with some troubling information for

you. Would you like to tell me what
these are?

Oh, yeah, this is just my request for
paternity leave, and that's my other

request for paternity leave. So you took
two fully paid paternity leaves.

In a four -month period, Your Honor, I'm
no expert at the female reproductive

system, but this is obvious fraud.

And if this man would lie about the
sanctity of fatherhood, he could lie

anything.

Captain?

Jan! Are you familiar with the term
polycule?

Yes, I am. A polycule is when three or
more people are connected in an intimate

relationship. My polycule is me, my
wife, Micah, and her girlfriend, Renata.

What's this guy got his own Manson
family? Yeah, he's the one with the

family. It is possible for you to
lawfully take two paternity leaves

months. Oh, God, yes. First, I fathered
a child with my wife, Micah, and I took

full paternity leave. Then three months
later, my wife's girlfriend, Renata,

gave birth to her boyfriend's child, and
again, I took full paternity leave. All

above board. In fact, my entire family
is right here to support me today.

Objection, Your Honor. He's having sex
with multiple women, and he's some kind

of a bigamist.

No, sir, I'm going to stop you right
there, Colonel.

Um, I'm not sleeping with either of
them. Oh, no, Colonel. My sexual

proclivities are far more challenging
and complicated than this simple

arrangement.

Take that.

Yes. Renata's always so hungry.

Your Honor, I need a ten -minute...
Fifteen. Fifteen -minute recess.

I need to wash this off.

Private VA, thank you for being here
today. Please.

Tell us what happened on that fateful
day. I was working out at the gym, leg

day, and after that, I saw Yan riding at
me.

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen.
Who are you gonna trust? A dirty,

filthy liar?

Or an American hero devoted to fitness?

You're a witness, Captain.

B .A. You gotta let me question him.

I know B .A. better than anyone. I can
crack open his melon head and suck out

the truth juice.

Okay.

Be cool.

I wouldn't do it any other way.

B .A.

is lying.

He was never at the gym, and I can prove
it. I knew there was something fishy

about his story. I went to the gym, and
I talked to the guy that owns the gym or

runs the gym. I don't know what it is.

But he told me the leg machine had been
broken for days.

If he wasn't able to squat, well,
justice must be sought.

Bro.

We promised we wouldn't keep secrets
from each other. We pinky promised, Your

Honor. I guess that doesn't mean
anything anymore. I guess a man's pinky

his bond anymore.

I am lying, okay?

I'm covering something up. Something
really, really, really big.

Flew the damn case wide open!

I object, Your Honor.

To what? To the fact that this is really
bad for our case.

If you guys want the truth, you have to
ask Conway. She was there.

third witness okay fine y 'all got me up
there okay we get

the idea all right conway now that
you're done lying everybody want to tell

what really happened we were filming a
tic tac i've turned ba into a minor

celebrity in malaysia he's known as
leather pants man people just love to

him dance in leather pants and they
really love it when it's hot outside I

get it, but I'm making a ton of money
getting him to advertise for a local

that has nicotine in it. Why would you
hide that from me? I would love a soda

with nicotine in it.

Because we knew you would want to join
in. And you're a terrible dancer. That

evidence is false and defamatory.

Here's my rebuttal.

Yon, give me a beat.

Yeah. Yon, please.

Papadakis dropping.

Oh, Your Honor, I would like to enter
into evidence Leather Pants Man's latest

video, which I like to call The Smoking
Gun.

Get out of the way!

Aye,

aye, aye. Hmm.

I guess now would be the time for a
lesser man to gloat. Oh, is this not

gloating? Oh, no, no, no. This is not
gloating.

This.

She's gloating.

Bye -bye, Jan.

Once we win this case, we're going to
take Stroopstorff right back to the days

when work came number one.

Remember that? How could I not?

Working that hard caused my separation.

You know, my wife actually named you in
our divorce. I know. I thought that was

really nice of her.

We will reconvene tomorrow morning.
After that, I will make my decision. But

is not looking super good for Jan.

Maggie, too young, I'm sorry, but I had
to post it. It was internet gold. It's

fine.

Oh, little ones, don't worry.

Papa will just be home more, okay?

There just won't be as much food on the
table. However, Renata will always have

enough to eat, yes?

Everything will be fine.

Thanks for meeting me. The colonel can't
know that I'm helping you. I just feel

so guilty about blowing up your cave.

You know the last time I took a day off?
It was the day my wife filed for

divorce. Your father said, and I quote,
you have 24 hours to suck it up. Yeah,

he said that to me when I got my period.

But look, there's no helping us, okay?
It's over.

Jan clearly ran into B .A. Video can't
show everything.

What are you talking about?

Okay, the Colonel's American agenda
started the day he set foot on

Follow the money.

Follow the money?

Follow the money. Do you think that was
dumb?

Like, why don't you actually just take
the stand and say all the things that

know in your brain?

Well, then I'd have to tell the truth,
and then the colonel couldn't be mad at

me for telling the truth. He couldn't
punish me for telling the truth. So then

think we both win it. Wait.

You heard that.

Look, my dad's crazy, but he's not,
like, crazy. Yeah. He's not, like,

with the night. Yeah, I'm just being
paranoid.

Your Honor, I would like to call Major
Abraham Shaw to the stand.

I'd like to call Major Shaw to the
stand. Your Honor.

Major Shaw is taking a vacation day. I
ordered him to attend a local spa, so he

will not be appearing today.

Okay.

Do you want to see where the creek
leads?

I do want to see where the creek leads.

It led to Bunny. It led to Bunny.

Objection. The colonel is clearly trying
to prevent a key witness from

testifying. Overruled.

The Major's entitled to a vacation if
that's all you've got, Captain.

I'm ready to give my ruling.

I have one more witness.

Colonel Patrick Quinn.

My God, even I'm murmuring now.

Maggie, are you sure you want to do
this?

Calling your dad to a stand could have,
like, real consequences. I know.

Shaw was going to testify to my dad's
involvement, and now that he can't, Shaw

said, follow the money.

Look, if you really want to follow the
money, you should get behind me. The

nicotine soda industry has deep pockets.

Go to the office and get all of the
financial documents.

Okay.

I will do that. I will do that.

Oh, my God, these paperback shares are
getting real janky.

Your Honor, permission to treat the
witness as hostile.

She hasn't said anything yet. She's
right. I'm going to be hostile.

Can you state your name, rank, and
favorite reality show for the court?

Might I remind you, you are under oath.

Colonel Patrick Quinn, 90 Day Fiance. I
love when the uggo wants the green card,

because then they've got to get
creative.

Sir, am I correct in saying you've never
taken a day off?

I believe in protecting America's
freedom 24 -7, 365.

Major Shaw.

Isn't a fan of vacation days either.

Strange. He would take a day off during
such an important trial.

I can only imagine he'll hate it as much
as I would because he's a red -blooded

American male.

Best day of my life!

This is the best day of my life!

Sir, is it fair to say that you hate
Jan?

No. I wouldn't lend him a hand if he was
drowning in a bathtub of lube at one of

his own deviant orgies. I don't hate
Jan.

But you think it's ridiculous that he
puts his family before work, do you not?

think he's getting cut six ways to
Sunday, yeah.

Well, that's just one piece of my sexual
puzzle.

But it's a corner piece.

Sir, would you prefer he worked nonstop
and became a terrible father, like, say,

you?

Why are they murmuring? That's not
murmurable.

You don't have to answer that question.

No, no, I'll answer, Your Honor.

If I was such a terrible father, why did
you turn out the way you did? High

school valedictorian, West Point
graduate, hell of a fake lawyer. I think

a father with such a strong work ethic
allowed you to achieve the things you

have. You want credit for my success. I
think I'm entitled. You must be proud of

me. I did the job. Are you proud of me?
I did the job. Answer the question! I'm

very proud of you!

That felt good.

Almost as good as I imagined it. Your
Honor, she tricked me.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What
does this have to do with the bike

accident? Nothing. I was just stalling
until I got these.

This is the base's budget the year
before you took command. The amount

toward base bike share repair is 20 ,000
euro. This is the budget after you took

command. Do you care to share with the
court how much money you allotted toward

bike repair?

Zero euros.

Earlier, my client testified.

I tried to stop in time, but I couldn't.
Therefore, Colonel, Jan's brakes were

faulty due to your very American budget
cuts on this Dutch bait. We all saw the

video with our own eyes. You can throw
all the numbers you want at it, but we

still know what we saw.

You're right. That's why I'm going to
need you to ride this.

Your Honor, I would like to enter Jan's
bicycle into evidence.

I will definitely allow it, yes.

We just need you to reach Jan's alleged
speed at the time of the crash, pump the

brakes, and stop.

Not a problem.

It worked pretty good.

Jan's brakes failed, and that's why the
accident happened. The Colonel's gross

negligence towards bike repair was the
cause. I rest my case.

I have reached a verdict.

Jan... is not guilty of this third
strike and his employment continues

indefinitely.

Nice job.

Oh, so you're proud of me.

Listen, I just gave you one that's going
to tide you over to my deathbed.

This is Charlie.

Wow. You like yoga, nature walk.

Gotta say, a work -life balance looks
good on you.

You know, actually, I thought about
taking another day off in six months.

And look at this guy over here.

Just trying Nixon.

Nice doing nothing, huh, Dad?

I'm doing something.

I'm making a list of my enemies.

Okay, well, you've been silent for like
ten minutes.

It's a long list.