Original subtitles

(MAN AND WOMAN GRUNT) (THUMPING)

Ungh...oh! (GRUNTS)

Oh! (PANTS)

Oh! Phew!

That stretch of highway is like a police honeypot.

They're gonna be in your pockets like Winnie the Pooh.

I get it - I lost my licence but it's one little trip.

And as soon as I get to Canberra, I will lock Pablo up in the garage

and be on more public transport than...

Oh, what was that...what was that band that sang that song, um...

Oh, what was that...what was that band that sang that song, um... (SINGS) # I walked under a bus

(SINGS) # I walked under a bus

# I got hit by a train

# And it felt so good

# I wanna do it again... #

Bachelor Girl. Bachelor Girl!

Oh, yeah. Oh, my god.

You owe me $400.

What?!

Well, I've gotta get What?!

Well, I've gotta get a bond cleaner for Saturday

and the cheapest I can find is 800 bucks.

The next cheapest is this couple on Gumtree

who said they'd do it in the nude for $1,000.

But that doesn't make any sense - they should be charging less,

'cause they don't have to clean their uniforms.

Also, why am I even paying? I haven't lived here for a year.

Yeah but you lived here five years before that,

including your, "Everything is a plate," phase.

Everything IS a plate, if it's clean enough.

So either you give me the money

or... Oh! ..you come here on Saturday and we can do it together.

Nude?

Arthur, just give me the 400 bucks.

I don't have $400 at the moment, OK? Arthur, just give me the 400 bucks.

I don't have $400 at the moment, OK? Work is slow.

I don't have $400 at the moment, OK? I'll be here Saturday. Promise.

I'll be here Saturday. Promise.

Oh, don't promise, Arthur!

Because I'll be here next Saturday

and you'll call at the last minute and say you can't come

because your mum needs you for some bizarre reason.

because your mum needs you And you know what?

And you know what?

I won't even be mad, because she does need you right now.

I won't even be mad, because More than ever.

More than ever.

You're the only son she's got.

# And it felt so good

# I wanna do it again... #

# ..felt so good

# I wanna do it... #

You speak Ga?

No.

(SPEAKS GA)

(CHUCKLES)

(SPEAKS GA)

Ah, there you are.

Mum? Mmm?

Mum? Who is in our lounge room?

Who is in our lounge room?

Oh, come on! You know who it is.

I really don't know who that is.

Yes, you do - and you're going to tell me, because I've forgotten!

Yes, you do - and you're going to Mum!

Mum!

You can't be letting randoms Mum!

You can't be letting randoms into our house!

He's not a random! He's a friend of your father's.

He's not a random! I think.

I think.

Friend of Dad's?! He looks about 12 years old!

Yeah, well, black don't crack!

Give me a minute to remember his name.

It's...it's...it's... Oh! Oh, what is it?

ROBBIE: (YELLS) Ernest!

Ernest! Hi, Robbie!

Ernest! Here he is! Let me see that Azonto!

Here he is! Let me see that Azonto!

(BOTH LAUGH)

So good to see you! Te oyoo tenn? You too.

Your sister speaks Ga but you don't speak Ga?

There's a lot of things my sister does that I don't do.

Mmm, typical Blofonyo.

(BOTH LAUGH)

(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) Half-Blofonyo.

Arthur and I are here

to make your stay in Australia as smooth as possible,

so please use this phone while you're here.

Oh, thank you! (PHONE BUZZES, BLEEPS)

"I'd love to see that big backyard in person. How is Satur..."

Ooh! Someone must have left their old SIM card in there.

Oi, Robbie! (SPEAKS GA)

(CHUCKLES)

I have brought gifts.

(LOUD WHIRRING) Don't mind me.

Just cleaning up.

For you, Aunty Maggie.

Kebab powder from Teshi.

Oh, thank you!

Mmm. Oh!

It's pure.

Oh! Mmm.

Oh! And for you, Arthur...

And for you, Arthur...

bitters - you mix this with And for you, Arthur...

bitters - you mix this with onions and milk, huh?

bitters - you mix this with Man's best friend.

Man's best friend.

Mmm, great. Thank you, Ernest.

We all know how much girls love the smell of onions and milk.

Oh, they love it.

And for you, sister Roberta, Oh, they love it.

And for you, sister Roberta, it's in American dollars.

And for you, sister Roberta, Feel free to count.

Feel free to count.

Oh, let's not worry about that right now!

Oh, let's not worry about that Let's just get you comfortable.

Let's just get you comfortable.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

No, sit. Oh, you don't have to do that.

No, sit. We insist.

I'll help. Thank you.

I'll help. Bye.

Bye.

Who is he? What do you mean, who is he?

He's your get-out-of-jail-free card! Get-out-of-jail-free?!

I'm on death row and now I've gotta share my bunk?

Arthur, I know drag queens less dramatic than you.

Arthur, I know drag queens Ernest is a medical student

Ernest is a medical student

on scholarship at Uni of Western Sydney.

He needs a place to live while he gets settled

and we need extra eyes on Mum.

It's a win-win! Where'd you find him?

It's a win-win! Ghana Family WhatsApp.

Ghana Family WhatsApp.

And you didn't think to run it past me first?

It's not my fault you left the group.

They kept saying you could cure COVID with ginger!

And you keep trying to cure depression with alcohol -

we've all got our shortcomings, baby bro.

I don't want him staying here, Robbie.

I don't want him He's gonna hog the Game Box, plus...

He's gonna hog the Game Box, plus...

I don't trust him!

Well, someone call the cancel brigade,

because that's some of the most racist shit I've ever heard!

because that's some of the most Does he even have a work visa?

Does he even have a work visa?

I mean, where's he gonna get money? Where do YOU get money?

I haven't seen you post an article in weeks.

How am I supposed to write anything when Mum keeps barging into my room,

asking me why the TV remote is ringing?

OK, I get it - you've got writer's block

OK, I get it - but don't blame us Africans.

but don't blame us Africans.

I don't have writer's block.

Do I?

Ernest is from old Ghana money. Do I?

Ernest is from old Ghana money. I can smell it.

So while he's here, why don't you just let him look after Mum

and you...do whatever you need to do to get your mojo back?

(SIZZLING) (BOTH SNIFF)

(SIZZLING) Wait - what's that smell?

Wait - what's that smell?

That's not old Ghana money.

Mum! Why are you cooking onions?

Calm down!

I know you're keen to try out your magic erection potion

I know you're keen to try out but these are for the chichinga.

but these are for the chichinga.

How did you even turn on the... Gas is on, Aunty Maggie.

Thank you. Oh.

You're not supposed to be cooking, Mum.

You're not supposed to be Oh, don't be ridiculous!

Oh, don't be ridiculous!

How can I run a food stall if I can't cook?

BOTH: Food stall? Yes!

It's happening at the school market.

Aunty Maggie was telling me

about the food stalls you used to do with your father.

about the food stalls Yes - and I thought, "Bugger it -

Yes - and I thought, "Bugger it -

"let's get the show back on the road!"

This Saturday? Yes.

Brilliant idea! You go, girl. Mwah!

No - Saturday? No. Mum, not a brilliant idea. OK?

Remember you almost burnt the house down cooking doughnuts?

Oh, doughnuts! Thank you.

I knew there was something I'd left off the menu.

No! Mum, listen, please.

It's too much, OK? Too much work.

It's all gonna fall apart, I'm gonna have to pick up the pieces -

and I can't do that this time, not Saturday.

I've got plans. Oh!

Since when do YOU have plans?

It's her, isn't it?

Oh, my god. I cannot stand that woman.

Oh, my god. Her name is Dee, Mum.

Her name is Dee, Mum.

And as a matter of fact, yes, it is her.

I'm helping clean her house.

Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Oh, my god.

You're, like, the king of the sad boys.

Listen, it's a nice idea but please, can we do it next week?

Please. Aunty Maggie - I can help you.

Thank you. You don't have to do that, Ernest.

Arthur, my brother, I insist. In Ghana, we respect our elders.

If it's Aunty's wish, I'll make it happen.

I can help with the cooking and the taking of the money.

Oh, hmm, hmm-mmm...no, that is not necessary.

Arthur, it's what Uncle Leo would have wanted.

Arthur, it's what Uncle Leo Right! That's it. It's settled.

Right! That's it. It's settled.

It's happening Saturday.

I'm gonna go and dig out my wooma.

A-ha! (LAUGHS)

(CHUCKLES LAMELY) It will be good!

Mmm. It'll be... Oh - Robbie, please bring the onions.

Med student, hey? We'll see about that.

Orange root vegetable, six letters.

Carrot. That's it!

Glad you're doing the crossword, Mum.

No, it's my shopping list. Glad you're doing the crossword, Mum.

No, it's my shopping list. Ernest and I are heading off now.

Uh, hey - I want you to be careful with Ernest, yeah?

I heard him sneaking around this morning when I was still in bed.

Yeah, you were still asleep at 10:00am -

the whole world was sneaking around.

Yeah, there he is. Mr 419.

(CHUCKLES) I told Ernest how surprised your father was

when he discovered he was a quarter Nigerian.

Oh!

You think I'M a scammer?

# I go chop your dollar

# I go make your money disappear... #

# I go make your money (BOTH LAUGH)

(BOTH LAUGH)

Oh.

OK. OK.

You know, Ernest, I was actually hanging out

with some med student friends of mine recently

and we had a big argument

about whether the left ventricle of the heart

or the right ventricle of the heart

pumps oxygenated blood or the right ventricle of the heart

pumps oxygenated blood into the aorta.

pumps oxygenated blood Given you're studying medicine,

Given you're studying medicine,

what would you say?

Arthur, my brother,

I would say you need Arthur, my brother,

I would say you need more interesting friends.

I would say you need (LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

You are the best.

Right. We're off.

What... Well, hey - hey! Hey, hey!

What am I supposed to do?

Well...what about your med friends?

Yeah, man. It's Arthur.

Artie, yeah.

Yeah, I'm just keen to see if you wanted to catch up for a few beers.

Yeah, I'm just keen to see if you (GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

Oh! Work?

Why, what day is it?

Macca!

Oh, yep. Looking after your kid. Fair enough.

Oh, yep. Looking after your kid. Wait...kids?

Wait...kids?

When did that happen?

(SIGHS) Blue Mountains?

Yeah, no, I'll definitely come and visit you, Craig.

Yeah, no, I'll definitely Yeah, I love...trains.

Yeah, I love...trains.

Bye.

(SIGHS)

You just missed her.

Mum was here? Yeah.

About an hour ago, with, um...your...cousin, maybe.

About an hour ago, with, Ernest.

Ernest.

Yeah, he's not my cousin.

He just calls her 'Aunty' Yeah, he's not my cousin.

He just calls her 'Aunty' 'cause that's a thing, apparently.

He just calls her 'Aunty' Oh, yeah, we've got that.

Oh, yeah, we've got that.

I think I was about 15 before I realised

my Uncle Trang was just some random guy my dad played squash with.

my Uncle Trang was just some random Tell you what, I could eat a shoe.

Tell you what, I could eat a shoe.

You hungry?

Oh! Uh...yeah. Yeah, I think I got a...gap in my meetings.

Oh! Uh...yeah. Yeah, I think I'll just...

I'll just...

You know how you said you'd take me out?

I was kind of thinking eight courses, match wines, etc...

..but a $6 banh mi is OK too, I guess.

Hey, look - did Mum tell you where she was going?

Nah.

But she was excited about a little tap-and-pay thingy

But she was excited about that she just bought.

that she just bought.

Wait, sorry - a credit card reader? (SIGHS)

Wait, sorry - a credit card reader? They didn't give me chilli.

They didn't give me chilli.

That is cultural gate-keeping. They didn't give me chilli.

That is cultural gate-keeping. Stay here.

(PHONE RINGS)

ERNEST: Arthur, my brother. Te oyoo tenn?

ERNEST: Arthur, my brother. Oh, um...Toyota to you too, Ernest.

Oh, um...Toyota to you too, Ernest.

Uh, hey, look - is Mum there?

Uh, wait, wait -

when are we going to hit up some of the local nightclubs?

I want to show you how real Africans do it, huh?

I don't even do it like real Australians do it, Ernest.

Mum, please! Oh, blofonyo!

You need to live a little. Mum, please, Ernest!

You need to live a little. Alright, alright.

Alright, alright.

Aunty Maggie, it's Arthur.

Who is this and how did you get the number?

I gave you this number! Mum, it's me, Arthur, your son.

(CHUCKLES) Impossible. I'm already with my son.

(CHUCKLES) Impossible. (BOTH LAUGH)

(BOTH LAUGH)

Look, what do you want? We're busy.

OK, listen - that credit card reader thing you bought?

Don't let Ernest set it up for you, yeah?

And maybe if you can, wrap your credit cards in some tin foil.

(BLEATING) What was that?

(BLEATING) What was what?

What was what?

Where are you?

Oh, we're at a goat farm.

What the hell are you doing at a goat farm?!

What the hell are you doing The food won't catch itself, Arthur.

The food won't catch itself, Arthur.

(BLEATING)

And I have just locked eyes with an absolute beauty!

(BLEATING) Don't, Mum, I'm begging you.

Please don't bring a goat home with you!

Please don't (ENDS CALL)

(ENDS CALL)

You know what's actually really good for getting out stains? Hair spray.

But if the stain is hair spray, then hair spray won't work. Go figure.

Hey, look, I'm really sorry but I'm gonna have to go.

I think my mum is buying a goat. Oh, yay!

Not yay? Not yay.

Not yay? OK. She did ask about goats.

OK. She did ask about goats.

Dad and I are talking to suppliers OK. She did ask about goats.

Dad and I are talking to suppliers for the restaurant

and so I might have... passed on a few numbers, you know?

Knowledge is a fruit best shared.

(SIGHS) You didn't mention the restaurant, did you?

No but...would it be a problem if I did?

OK.

You know how it was Leo's African Feel-Good Restaurant?

Mm-hm. Well, Mum is Mrs Leo.

Mm-hm. And I am Leo junior.

And I am Leo junior.

And...I'm just feeling a little confused

why you're only just telling me this now.

What, is your mum unhappy that we're taking over her old restaurant?

I mean, I haven't told her that it's you taking it over...

Oh! OK. So just tell her.

Oh, you don't understand!

She's been wanting me to take over this restaurant since I was a baby!

My first words were, "Entrees or mains?"

Oh! I'm really not good at keeping secrets, Arthur.

It makes me...feel a little tight in the chest.

I...I actually think I'm allergic to drama.

OK, OK, OK. I promise I will tell her as soon as I get home.

OK, OK, OK. I promise I will tell her But I need to warn you -

But I need to warn you -

if I mysteriously die in the next few days, it's not 'cause of black mould.

Hey, listen - if you actually have mould,

you need to scrub it with bleach and coat it with hair spray.

And more importantly, talk to your mum.

And more importantly, I'm new to this community.

I'm new to this community.

It is too soon for me to start making enemies.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS) (THUDDING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES) (THUDDING CONTINUES)

Oh!

Hey, Arthur, check it out -

it's like riding a fufu bicycle!

Yeah. Hey, uh, Mum, can we talk?

What did you say?

I said, can we talk?

(MUSIC STOPS) I said, can we talk?

(MUSIC STOPS) It's kind of important, Mum.

(MUSIC STOPS) (YELLS IN GA)

(YELLS IN GA)

Oh! Ice! I need ice!

What did you do that for? We had a rhythm going!

What did you do that for? I'm sorry! I...

I'm sorry! I...

Ice, please. Please. Oh!

Ice!

That's where my Game Box controller went!

What on earth possessed you to think you could just waltz in here

What on earth possessed you to think and disrupt our topam-topam?

and disrupt our topam-topam?

I... and disrupt our topam-topam?

I... (GROANS)

I... I just w-wanted to be involved.

I just w-wanted to be involved.

Ah! Involved?

Ah! Aww! You want to be involved.

Aww! You want to be involved.

You can kill the goat.

Please don't tell me you have a goat.

Yes, well, you don't go to a goat farm

Yes, well, you don't without bringing back a few goats.

without bringing back a few goats.

(GROANS)

(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

(BLEATING)

Oh, my god. We have a goat!

Yes - and we have 400 chichinga to make.

Yes - and we have Now, either you do it

Now, either you do it

or I do.

Oh, Aunty Maggie, please. or I do.

Oh, Aunty Maggie, please. I can do it with my good hand.

Oh, Aunty Maggie, please. Oh, no, no, no. It's OK. It's OK.

Oh, no, no, no. It's OK. It's OK.

I cleaned restaurant toilets when I was 10 years old.

I think I can kill a goat.

Nobody here is killing a goat!

We're gonna go buy dead, chopped-up goat, like normal human beings.

(OBJECTS CLATTER)

(CLATTERING CONTINUES)

Where are you going, Ernest?

(CHEERFUL GREETINGS)

Oh-ho-ho! I got you now, chale.

(PHONE RINGS)

Oh, god! (PHONE RINGS)

Dammit!

(GRUNTS) Maybe he's selling drugs at church.

I mean, they already serve wine there - it's a logical next step.

Honestly, Arthur, I'd make you a hat

if I hadn't wasted all the tin foil on the credit cards.

if I hadn't wasted all the tin foil Here - you count the float.

Here - you count the float.

Mum, there's literally only 2 American dollars in here.

Mum, there's literally only Hey, Mr 419.

Hey, Mr 419.

Good to see you at church Hey, Mr 419.

Good to see you at church this morning.

I was hoping you would come inside, meet some of my friends.

I was hoping you would come inside, Oh, you...saw me?

Oh, you...saw me?

I was just going for a walk.

I always walk... Please, Arthur.

We all follow God at different paces. No judge.

We all follow God Alright. Let's do what we do best.

Alright. Let's do what we do best.

Let's...

feed the masses!

I was reading that.

I thought you had a big meeting.

I did and I do.

Councillor Sharma here was just showing me

some of the developments going up

in this beautiful, thriving, some of the developments going up

in this beautiful, thriving, diverse suburb of ours.

And you just happened to stop out the front of Mum and Chong's house.

And you just happened to stop out the Is that where we are?

Is that where we are?

You know, now that I look around, this place does look familiar.

Councillor, would you like a drink of water?

That's great.

'Cause I happen to know

that this kitchen has a truly north-facing aspect.

that this kitchen has Let's go.

Let's go.

Get out of the way, Arthur. Move.

GRUNTS) Get out of the way, Arthur. Move.

GRUNTS) Thank you.

GRUNTS) Shut the door.

Shut the door.

Hey, wait.

Can I ask you something?

How come Dad taught you Ga and not me?

Because I asked.

OK. Now, when you see the signal, start loading up the grill.

Got plenty of stock but...oh, these puppies are gonna fly.

And if word gets out there's only a few left,

things could get real ugly, real quick.

OK. OK.

Eugh! Aunty Maggie, this is a lot of grease.

Oh, grease? I just see more flavour, Emmanuel.

Oh...I'm Ernest. Oh!

That is a great quality to have, Emmanuel.

(PRACTICES SPEAKING GA)

(SIGHS) That stain from pinot-palooza?

(SIGHS) That stain Not coming out.

Not coming out.

You could try hair spray.

What - am I trying to make the stain look good, or...?

Am I a bad son?

(SIGHS) Look... you need some fresh air.

These chemicals are going to your head.

Well, I feel like I've been traded up for a better model.

Mum's doing a market stall today and instead of me being there,

there's some really ripped guy who can never seem to find a shirt there.

there's some really ripped guy who Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey. Whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey. Whoa.

Hold up, hold up.

Your mum's at the markets?

Yeah. Your mum's at the markets?

Yeah. Is she making the kebabs?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

We need to go. This is non-negotiable.

I think about those kebabs all the time.

It's literally the thing I miss most about our relationship.

I know that sounds bad but it's... it's true.

Where are you going? To find my hair spray!

We're gonna wrap this up before lunch. Let's go, let's go, let's go!

Right - so, I have you down for one fufu with peanut sauce,

Right - so, I have you down two chichingas - anything else?

two chichingas - anything else?

Yes - your phone number, please.

I'll call out your name when your order's ready, Tony.

Aunty Maggie! Oh!

Aunty Maggie! Fire! Fire!

Fire! Fire!

Oh, oh!

The chichinga is spoilt.

There we go - packed with flavour!

Oh, thanks.

WOMAN: You know, lunch time is only so long...

I've got your order already, haven't I?

Yes - and you're still waiting?

And...and I've got yours coming and...and you're vegan, yes?

But you have fish sauce - is that right?

But you have fish sauce - Do we even have fish sauce?

Do we even have fish sauce?

Oh, OK. I did...I did...

Give me two of Teshi's finest.

Oh, Mum! Are you OK?

Arthur, I bit off more than I can chew.

Then chew harder.

Put a shirt on, Ernest!

It's the younger generation -

they act like they've never It's the younger generation -

they act like they've never seen a fat fire before.

Look, you guys have so much fresh produce,

you should start thinking about opening your own restaurant.

That is a great idea, Maggie.

I will take that thought on board.

Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)

See?

And you thought I couldn't do it.

Hey.

How come you never cooked chichingas for me?

Ah, you need the pure stuff,

none of the street blow they sell around here.

You know, I've been thinking about the drive and it's...

probably not the best idea to arrive in Canberra as criminal.

You know, you would fit in.

What are you gonna do with Pablo?

Mmm...

you work out a way to get him back to me.

Uh... Yoink!

Mm-mm-mmm!

Well, thanks, Mum.

Oh, you're welcome.

Wait...

what for?

For getting me out of my rut!

And giving me something For getting me out of my rut!

And giving me something to write about for once.

Oh, for once? I've already signed us up for next week!

Oh, for once? I've already Absolutely not.

Absolutely not.

I forgot to do the doughnuts!

Mum, we're not doing this again! We've got a goat, remember?

What a great kid.

Wait - are you talking about me or the goat?

Please, Aunty Maggie, the last box is inside.

Please, Aunty Maggie, What do you say, Ernest -

What do you say, Ernest -

how about you and me head to town What do you say, Ernest -

how about you and me head to town and hit some of the clubs?

how about you and me head to town Oh! Arthur, my brother.

Oh! Arthur, my brother.

I spoke to my parents

and they are hiring me an apartment in Parramatta.

Oh, man! I was hoping maybe we could have a little Game Box tourney.

Ghanaians vs green-and-gold.

To be honest, I wanted to live with you

so I could embrace Australian culture

so I could embrace but all you've done since I got here

but all you've done since I got here

is sit around, drink alcohol but all you've done since I got here

is sit around, drink alcohol and argue with your mother.

Yeah, that is the culture. Yeah.

Yeah, that is the culture. (BEEPS HORN) Let's go, Ernest!

(BEEPS HORN) Let's go, Ernest!

I can get you a duplex by the stadium

if we get there by 6:30pm.

I'll be right there. See you, Aunty.

Oh - and bring the envelope, yeah?

I've got it.

See you! Bye!

Are we being dumped by Ernest?

I think so.

Hey, Ernest! Yes?

Yabba jog-bern.

Pardon?

Yab...yaaba jog...bann?

Yabba-jig...yabba jigbann.

Yabba...yabba jerbin. Come again?

Yabba...yabba jerbin. Yabba...yabba jerbin.

Yabba...yabba jerbin.

I'm trying to say 'goodbye'.

Oh!

Yaaba jogbann!

Oh! (LAUGHS) Blofonyo!

Oh! (LAUGHS) (BOTH LAUGH)

(BOTH LAUGH)

Hey! Blofonyo! (LAUGHS)

Oh, well. Looks like it's just you and me, Mum.

Oh, well. Looks like Oh, believe me, Arthur,

Oh, believe me, Arthur,

that's more than enough.

Captions by Red Bee Media

Hey! Where did you learn how to do that?

Well, you know how you get out of bed at 10:00am of a morning?

Well, you know how you get out of A lot happens before that.

A lot happens before that.

Boom! Oh, OK.

Boom! (LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation