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1
00:00:04,060 --> 00:00:06,780
MAGGIE: I miss Leo so much.
2
00:00:06,780 --> 00:00:07,020
MAGGIE: I miss Leo so much.
don't come and visit anymore.
3
00:00:07,020 --> 00:00:11,300
Ah, the grandkids
don't come and visit anymore.
4
00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:14,420
We communicate with emojis.
5
00:00:14,420 --> 00:00:14,660
We communicate with emojis.
The other day,
I told them I ate a peach.
6
00:00:14,660 --> 00:00:17,420
The other day,
I told them I ate a peach.
7
00:00:17,420 --> 00:00:17,660
The other day,
Oh! And they laughed.
8
00:00:17,660 --> 00:00:19,980
Oh! And they laughed.
9
00:00:19,980 --> 00:00:20,180
Oh, they laughed and laughed.
Oh! And they laughed.
10
00:00:20,180 --> 00:00:23,060
Oh, they laughed and laughed.
11
00:00:23,060 --> 00:00:25,260
Oh, God.
12
00:00:25,260 --> 00:00:28,140
That's the problem
with the youth of today.
13
00:00:28,140 --> 00:00:28,380
That's the problem
with the youth of today.
They don't appreciate fruit.
14
00:00:28,380 --> 00:00:31,140
They don't appreciate fruit.
15
00:00:32,660 --> 00:00:34,020
Yeah.
16
00:00:34,020 --> 00:00:36,220
You and I,
17
00:00:36,220 --> 00:00:40,260
we may be ancient and forgotten.
18
00:00:41,220 --> 00:00:44,500
But we're still sexy.
19
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:44,700
But we're still sexy.
(ROOSTER CLUCKS)
20
00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:45,940
(ROOSTER CLUCKS)
21
00:00:45,940 --> 00:00:49,180
(CLUCKS)
22
00:00:49,180 --> 00:00:49,980
Ooh!
23
00:00:49,980 --> 00:00:52,900
Go on, you saucy old fella.
24
00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:54,340
(ROOSTER CLUCKS)
25
00:00:55,540 --> 00:00:58,700
Yep, and once the blog
gets some heat,
26
00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:00,700
I might start a little podcast.
27
00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:03,940
I mean, I know every straight guy
in his mid-30s has one, but...
28
00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:05,940
..I feel like
mine would be different.
29
00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:06,700
(LAUGHS)
30
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,620
So, Tao, what's your story, my guy?
31
00:01:09,620 --> 00:01:11,140
Year 4?
32
00:01:11,140 --> 00:01:11,380
Damn! Bro.
Year 4?
33
00:01:11,380 --> 00:01:15,860
Damn! Bro.
Out here clowning these old cats.
34
00:01:15,860 --> 00:01:16,100
Shouldn't you be in class?
Damn! Bro.
Out here clowning these old cats.
35
00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:17,660
Shouldn't you be in class?
36
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:17,900
Hey! That's where I went to school.
Is Mr Worstin still principal?
Shouldn't you be in class?
37
00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:22,260
Hey! That's where I went to school.
Is Mr Worstin still principal?
38
00:01:22,260 --> 00:01:22,500
Hey! That's where I went to school.
(LAUGHS)
39
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:23,860
(LAUGHS)
40
00:01:23,860 --> 00:01:27,780
Hey, you know his first name's
Barney, right? Barney Worstin.
41
00:01:27,780 --> 00:01:30,620
We used to call him Tiny Foreskin.
42
00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:30,820
We used to call him Tiny Foreskin.
(LAUGHS)
43
00:01:30,820 --> 00:01:33,380
(LAUGHS)
44
00:01:33,380 --> 00:01:35,300
What?
45
00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:36,420
Mum!
46
00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:38,500
You just left my squad mate
out there to die!
47
00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:41,540
Yeah, well, I'm getting rid
of all the toys, Arthur.
48
00:01:41,540 --> 00:01:44,140
This is not a toy.
49
00:01:44,140 --> 00:01:47,180
No-one plays with them anymore. Ah!
50
00:01:47,180 --> 00:01:50,180
They're all going. (SIGHS)
51
00:01:50,180 --> 00:01:51,220
Oh!
52
00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:54,420
Mum!
53
00:01:55,380 --> 00:01:59,260
I was literally playing with it
when you literally pulled the plug.
54
00:01:59,260 --> 00:02:01,660
Yes, and I'm donating these toys
to people
55
00:02:01,660 --> 00:02:04,580
who literally
will see their grandchildren.
56
00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:07,820
Yeah, well,
the game box is off limits.
57
00:02:07,820 --> 00:02:09,660
And so is Larry Lobster.
58
00:02:10,620 --> 00:02:12,860
Oh! Banana icing.
59
00:02:12,860 --> 00:02:14,500
Mum, you know I don't like banana.
60
00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:18,260
I didn't make them for you.
I made them for my grandkids.
61
00:02:18,260 --> 00:02:21,260
But they don't even come and see me
after school anymore.
62
00:02:21,260 --> 00:02:24,140
Oh, maybe it's the banana icing.
Oh, right. Alright.
63
00:02:24,140 --> 00:02:24,380
Oh, maybe it's the banana icing.
Well...
64
00:02:24,380 --> 00:02:25,340
Well...
65
00:02:25,340 --> 00:02:25,580
..if you don't want it, I will
Well...
66
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:28,940
..if you don't want it, I will
take them all out to the rooster.
67
00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:31,580
He's the only one
who talks to me around here anyway.
68
00:02:31,580 --> 00:02:34,460
And he likes me.
Oh, yeah?
69
00:02:34,460 --> 00:02:36,940
How do you know that?
Chook whisperer.
70
00:02:38,060 --> 00:02:40,540
(CLUCKS)
71
00:02:40,540 --> 00:02:42,140
(SIGHS)
72
00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:46,740
ROBBIE: Hello?
73
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:51,300
New shirt, bro?
Looking hot, hot...hot.
74
00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:53,540
OK. Whatever it is you want,
the answer is no.
75
00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:56,500
Also, why didn't you bring the kids?
Mum's missing them.
76
00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:56,740
Also, why didn't you bring the kids?
She even made cupcakes.
77
00:02:56,740 --> 00:02:58,100
She even made cupcakes.
78
00:02:58,100 --> 00:02:59,820
Passionfruit icing?
79
00:02:59,820 --> 00:03:02,060
Banana.
Oh.
80
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:05,100
So, the kids?
81
00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:07,500
Look, it's not me. It's Liz.
82
00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:09,140
She's worried that after the...
83
00:03:09,140 --> 00:03:12,700
..fire, it's not safe for Mum
to be babysitting the kids anymore.
84
00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:12,940
..fire, it's not safe for Mum
Oh, my God.
85
00:03:12,940 --> 00:03:14,300
Oh, my God.
86
00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:15,820
ROBBIE: Mum, hi!
87
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:18,220
Where are my favourite people?
88
00:03:18,220 --> 00:03:20,140
Oh. We're right here.
(MAGGIE LAUGHS)
89
00:03:20,140 --> 00:03:22,500
I meant the grandkids.
90
00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:25,340
ROBBIE: That's what I popped in
to speak to Arthur about.
91
00:03:25,340 --> 00:03:27,340
Just came from lunch with friends,
a lesbian couple,
92
00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:27,580
Just came from lunch with friends,
and they want a brown baby,
93
00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:29,260
and they want a brown baby,
94
00:03:29,260 --> 00:03:32,660
and I put you forward
as their ideal donor.
95
00:03:32,660 --> 00:03:33,500
I'm sorry...
96
00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:35,140
..a brown baby?
97
00:03:35,140 --> 00:03:36,140
Yes!
98
00:03:36,140 --> 00:03:38,380
Hallelujah! Lock it in, Eddie.
99
00:03:38,380 --> 00:03:40,140
No! Don't lock it in.
100
00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:40,380
I mean, the chances
No! Don't lock it in.
101
00:03:40,380 --> 00:03:42,660
I mean, the chances
of your brother getting married
102
00:03:42,660 --> 00:03:42,900
I mean, the chances
are reducing every day.
103
00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:44,500
are reducing every day.
104
00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:45,700
Almost zip.
105
00:03:45,700 --> 00:03:46,700
I'm literally right here.
106
00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:49,100
He doesn't have normal urges.
107
00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:50,620
What does that even mean?
108
00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:54,700
Well, men your age, you know,
they want wives, they want children.
109
00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:54,940
Well, men your age, you know,
I mean, you...
110
00:03:54,940 --> 00:03:56,860
I mean, you...
111
00:03:56,860 --> 00:03:59,060
..you've got no urges.
112
00:03:59,060 --> 00:04:00,420
No urges.
113
00:04:00,420 --> 00:04:04,340
Arthur, look at it this way.
You'll be doing a service.
114
00:04:04,340 --> 00:04:05,780
And you'll get to be a father.
Oh!
115
00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:07,820
All with the single stroke
of a wrist.
116
00:04:08,980 --> 00:04:10,900
I got to go.
MAGGIE: Oh, hang on.
117
00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:11,140
I got to go.
I'll put these in a container
118
00:04:11,140 --> 00:04:11,940
I'll put these in a container
119
00:04:11,940 --> 00:04:12,180
and you can
I'll put these in a container
120
00:04:12,180 --> 00:04:14,100
and you can
take 'em home to the kids.
121
00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:16,060
No. Liz is on
a "sugar's poison" thing.
122
00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:16,300
No. Liz is on
ARTHUR: Um, hey.
123
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:17,220
ARTHUR: Um, hey.
124
00:04:17,220 --> 00:04:17,460
Forget the cupcakes.
ARTHUR: Um, hey.
125
00:04:17,460 --> 00:04:20,460
Forget the cupcakes.
Take MUM home for the kids.
126
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:20,700
Forget the cupcakes.
They're at an eighth birthday party.
127
00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:22,540
They're at an eighth birthday party.
128
00:04:22,540 --> 00:04:24,420
But we'll have you over soon.
Yep.
129
00:04:24,420 --> 00:04:25,340
Alright? Bye.
130
00:04:25,340 --> 00:04:26,340
Yep.
(KISSES)
131
00:04:26,340 --> 00:04:26,580
Yep.
Bye.
132
00:04:26,580 --> 00:04:27,340
Bye.
133
00:04:27,340 --> 00:04:29,100
ROBBIE:
Think about the donor thing, Arthur.
134
00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:29,340
ROBBIE:
There's money in it for you.
135
00:04:29,340 --> 00:04:31,420
There's money in it for you.
136
00:04:31,420 --> 00:04:32,740
(MAGGIE SIGHS)
137
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:37,060
That's it. The rooster can have
all the flipping cupcakes.
138
00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:40,900
(SCREAMS)
139
00:04:43,260 --> 00:04:45,820
Oh, God! (SOBS)
Mum?!
140
00:04:45,820 --> 00:04:48,220
Oh, Akroma! What...what happened?
Oh!
141
00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:48,460
Oh, Akroma! What...what happened?
Oh!
Don't tell Liz about this!
142
00:04:48,460 --> 00:04:50,340
Don't tell Liz about this!
143
00:04:50,340 --> 00:04:52,860
ARTHUR: Liz?!
I'VE been eating those cupcakes!
144
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:53,100
ARTHUR: Liz?!
(SPITS) Eugh! Ah!
145
00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:54,100
(SPITS) Eugh! Ah!
146
00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:56,340
MAYA: Hello? Hi.
147
00:04:56,340 --> 00:04:58,540
Sorry, is everything OK?
148
00:04:58,540 --> 00:04:59,620
Oh!
149
00:04:59,620 --> 00:05:01,300
Runaway rockmelon.
150
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:03,500
Rockmelon rescuer. Yes. Sorry.
151
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,820
I was just dropping food
over at Chong's next door,
152
00:05:05,820 --> 00:05:06,060
I was just dropping food
and then I heard a scream.
153
00:05:06,060 --> 00:05:07,780
and then I heard a scream.
154
00:05:07,780 --> 00:05:08,020
ARTHUR: Yeah.
and then I heard a scream.
155
00:05:08,020 --> 00:05:08,940
ARTHUR: Yeah.
Oh!
156
00:05:08,940 --> 00:05:09,940
Ah.
ARTHUR: Yeah.
157
00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:10,180
Ah.
Do something, Arthur!
158
00:05:10,180 --> 00:05:11,540
Do something, Arthur!
159
00:05:11,540 --> 00:05:13,460
Well, what am I supposed to do?
Blog about it?
160
00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:13,700
Well, what am I supposed to do?
Well...the Heimlich remover!
161
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:16,060
Well...the Heimlich remover!
162
00:05:16,060 --> 00:05:16,300
He might be choking!
OK, it's 'manoeuvre'.
Well...the Heimlich remover!
163
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:19,180
He might be choking!
OK, it's 'manoeuvre'.
164
00:05:19,180 --> 00:05:22,300
Oh!
Just saying. Um, I just don't...
165
00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:22,580
Oh!
Just saying. Um, I just don't...
Do something, Arthur!
OK, OK!
166
00:05:22,580 --> 00:05:24,900
Do something, Arthur!
OK, OK!
167
00:05:27,780 --> 00:05:29,820
Maybe if you pick it up
168
00:05:29,820 --> 00:05:33,420
and I can try
some sort of resuscitation thing.
169
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,260
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
170
00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:36,980
I'll just...yep.
I'm sorry.
171
00:05:36,980 --> 00:05:37,980
Gently.
MAYA: Yep.
172
00:05:37,980 --> 00:05:40,020
Yep.
It's OK. I got it. I've got it.
173
00:05:40,020 --> 00:05:41,260
(SNIFFS)
Yep.
174
00:05:41,260 --> 00:05:42,380
Oh.
175
00:05:42,380 --> 00:05:43,860
OK.
176
00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:46,260
You blow. I'll pump.
177
00:05:47,140 --> 00:05:48,220
Yep. Yep.
178
00:05:48,220 --> 00:05:49,540
MAYA: OK.
179
00:05:49,540 --> 00:05:49,780
(MOANS)
MAYA: OK.
180
00:05:49,780 --> 00:05:52,060
(MOANS)
One, two, three, four, five.
181
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:52,300
(MOANS)
Blow.
182
00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:53,180
Blow.
183
00:05:56,820 --> 00:05:57,820
Uh...
184
00:05:57,820 --> 00:06:01,580
Oh, blow the damn thing, Arthur!
OK. OK, OK. (BLOWS)
185
00:06:01,580 --> 00:06:01,860
MAGGIE: Oh.
MAYA: Oh!
Oh, blow the damn thing, Arthur!
OK. OK, OK. (BLOWS)
186
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:02,580
MAGGIE: Oh.
MAYA: Oh!
187
00:06:02,580 --> 00:06:02,820
(BLOWS)
MAYA: Oh!
188
00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,180
(BLOWS)
189
00:06:04,180 --> 00:06:06,580
Oh! I can still taste banana icing.
190
00:06:06,580 --> 00:06:07,380
(SPITS)
191
00:06:07,380 --> 00:06:10,460
One, two, three, four, five. Blow.
192
00:06:10,460 --> 00:06:13,820
(BLOWS)
193
00:06:13,820 --> 00:06:15,140
Oh, stop, stop!
194
00:06:15,140 --> 00:06:17,540
You're ruffling its feathers.
195
00:06:17,540 --> 00:06:20,580
It's stone-cold dead.
196
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:23,540
Just like his father.
197
00:06:23,540 --> 00:06:24,540
(MOANS)
198
00:06:24,540 --> 00:06:24,780
(MOANS)
Yeah.
199
00:06:24,780 --> 00:06:26,100
Um...I'll just...
Yeah.
200
00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:26,340
Um...I'll just...
Yeah.
What'll we do now?!
201
00:06:26,340 --> 00:06:28,340
What'll we do now?!
202
00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:30,500
Um...
203
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,180
..well, I mean, we haven't
really thought about dinner.
204
00:06:33,180 --> 00:06:33,420
..well, I mean, we haven't
That rooster will not be eaten!
205
00:06:33,420 --> 00:06:37,180
That rooster will not be eaten!
206
00:06:37,180 --> 00:06:37,420
He will be given
That rooster will not be eaten!
207
00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:41,460
He will be given
a proper state funeral.
208
00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:41,700
He will be given
OK.
209
00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:42,580
OK.
210
00:06:42,580 --> 00:06:45,420
Well, um...I...I...I might...
I might leave you two to it.
211
00:06:45,420 --> 00:06:47,380
Um, I'll see you around.
MAGGIE: Oh!
212
00:06:47,380 --> 00:06:47,620
Um, I'll see you around.
Do something useful, Arthur!
213
00:06:47,620 --> 00:06:50,220
Do something useful, Arthur!
214
00:06:51,180 --> 00:06:52,620
Do you want me
to give you more chooks?
215
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:52,860
Do you want me
No.
216
00:06:52,860 --> 00:06:54,060
No.
217
00:06:54,060 --> 00:06:56,820
Give me some more grandchildren!
218
00:07:02,260 --> 00:07:05,300
(SNORES)
219
00:07:08,420 --> 00:07:09,460
(GROANS)
220
00:07:10,420 --> 00:07:13,260
(SIGHS) Hey, boy. Hey, dog.
221
00:07:13,260 --> 00:07:14,980
About to bring some fire.
222
00:07:14,980 --> 00:07:16,580
(SIGHS)
223
00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:24,260
Mum!
224
00:07:24,260 --> 00:07:24,500
I told you
Mum!
225
00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:26,740
I told you
the game box was off limits.
226
00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:27,740
Where is it?
227
00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:29,580
Where's what, Arthur?
228
00:07:29,580 --> 00:07:32,100
My gaming console! You stole it!
229
00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:34,900
(GASPS) Did I?
Better call the police.
230
00:07:34,900 --> 00:07:35,140
(GASPS) Did I?
Be mature, Mum.
231
00:07:35,140 --> 00:07:36,700
Be mature, Mum.
232
00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:37,900
I want my toy back.
233
00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:39,900
I don't remember where I put it.
234
00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:40,140
(GROANS) I told Tao that I'd practise
I don't remember where I put it.
235
00:07:40,140 --> 00:07:43,500
(GROANS) I told Tao that I'd practise
with him for the Tandem Cup finals.
236
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:43,740
(GROANS) I told Tao that I'd practise
That's this Saturday!
237
00:07:43,740 --> 00:07:45,500
That's this Saturday!
238
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:48,220
Wait. Why are you
setting a kid's place?
239
00:07:48,220 --> 00:07:49,620
I told you already.
240
00:07:49,620 --> 00:07:53,620
Robbie rang, said she was bringing
the kids over for lunch today.
241
00:07:53,620 --> 00:07:56,500
You did not tell me, Mum.
Yes, I did.
242
00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:59,300
She was very insistent -
"Oh, tell Arthur."
243
00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:03,860
And Melody still loves
her Little Mermaid plate and bowl.
244
00:08:03,860 --> 00:08:06,460
I've made fairy bread.
245
00:08:06,460 --> 00:08:07,460
Ooh.
246
00:08:07,460 --> 00:08:08,740
(DOORBELL RINGS)
That's them!
247
00:08:08,740 --> 00:08:10,340
Oh, do that thing they love, Arthur.
248
00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:12,820
Oh, they don't love it anymore, Mum.
Yes, do it!
249
00:08:12,820 --> 00:08:14,300
I...I'll...I'll let them in.
250
00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:14,540
They...
I...I'll...I'll let them in.
251
00:08:14,540 --> 00:08:15,540
They...
Do it! Hurry up.
252
00:08:15,540 --> 00:08:15,780
They...
..they really don't. (GROANS)
253
00:08:15,780 --> 00:08:17,380
..they really don't. (GROANS)
254
00:08:17,380 --> 00:08:20,420
(LAUGHS)
Mum, this is Priya and Jasmin.
255
00:08:20,420 --> 00:08:22,180
Girls, this is my mother, Maggie.
256
00:08:22,180 --> 00:08:23,540
Pleased to meet you, Mrs Boye.
257
00:08:23,540 --> 00:08:23,740
(NEIGHS) Who wants to ride Mr Oponko?
Pleased to meet you, Mrs Boye.
258
00:08:23,740 --> 00:08:27,460
(NEIGHS) Who wants to ride Mr Oponko?
259
00:08:27,460 --> 00:08:27,660
(NEIGHS) Who wants to ride Mr Oponko?
(WHINNIES)
260
00:08:27,660 --> 00:08:28,740
(WHINNIES)
261
00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:32,220
Oh, get up, Arthur!
You're embarrassing yourself.
262
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,020
ARTHUR: Oh. Sorry.
263
00:08:33,020 --> 00:08:34,020
Uh...
264
00:08:34,020 --> 00:08:36,420
..Mr Oponko is a...
265
00:08:36,420 --> 00:08:38,860
..Ghanaian word for 'horse'.
266
00:08:38,860 --> 00:08:41,940
I specifically said
I was bringing Priya and Jasmin,
267
00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:42,180
I specifically said
my friends who want a donor.
268
00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:44,420
my friends who want a donor.
269
00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:44,660
(LAUGHS) This is my brother's way
my friends who want a donor.
270
00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:46,220
(LAUGHS) This is my brother's way
of showing off
271
00:08:46,220 --> 00:08:46,460
(LAUGHS) This is my brother's way
how great he is with kids.
272
00:08:46,460 --> 00:08:47,940
how great he is with kids.
273
00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:49,620
Oh!
274
00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:50,620
(LAUGHS)
275
00:08:50,620 --> 00:08:53,060
I thought you wanted a brown baby
for Instagram.
276
00:08:53,060 --> 00:08:55,580
But you want one
'cause YOU'RE brown. Yes!
277
00:08:55,580 --> 00:08:57,700
(WOMEN LAUGH AWKWARDLY)
Oh.
278
00:08:57,700 --> 00:09:02,580
Well...where are your manners,
Arthur? Invite the guests in.
279
00:09:02,580 --> 00:09:04,820
I've set the table for lunch.
280
00:09:04,820 --> 00:09:06,420
Thank you. How lovely.
281
00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:07,980
What's for lunch?
282
00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:09,860
Fairy bread.
283
00:09:09,860 --> 00:09:13,220
PRIYA: Alright.
So, Arthur, what's your star sign?
284
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:13,460
PRIYA: Alright.
Uh...
285
00:09:13,460 --> 00:09:14,460
Uh...
286
00:09:14,460 --> 00:09:16,260
..rat, I think.
287
00:09:16,260 --> 00:09:18,660
That's the Chinese zodiac.
288
00:09:18,660 --> 00:09:20,180
He's Aquarian.
289
00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:21,180
Oh!
290
00:09:21,180 --> 00:09:22,780
Little Mermaid, I see.
291
00:09:22,780 --> 00:09:24,340
Oh!
292
00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:26,900
This is not
my normal seat at the table.
293
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,940
There are more important things
than star signs to be considered.
294
00:09:29,940 --> 00:09:31,940
Uh, the three Hs, for example.
295
00:09:31,940 --> 00:09:33,620
Three Hs?
296
00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:35,220
BOTH: Hair, height, health.
MAGGIE: Oh!
297
00:09:35,220 --> 00:09:35,460
BOTH: Hair, height, health.
He's very healthy
298
00:09:35,460 --> 00:09:37,780
He's very healthy
299
00:09:37,780 --> 00:09:40,100
and very tall.
300
00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:42,860
Uh...may I just, um...
301
00:09:42,860 --> 00:09:43,860
..have a...
302
00:09:43,860 --> 00:09:45,780
Oh!
303
00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:48,100
I guess two out of three is OK.
304
00:09:49,060 --> 00:09:51,740
So...why don't you
just go to a donor clinic?
305
00:09:51,740 --> 00:09:54,780
Oh...you know, we really want
someone we know to be the father.
306
00:09:54,780 --> 00:09:58,460
You know, someone
whose eyes we've looked into,
307
00:09:58,460 --> 00:09:58,700
You know, someone
whose soul we can see.
308
00:09:58,700 --> 00:10:00,740
whose soul we can see.
309
00:10:04,660 --> 00:10:06,180
Uh, donors fill out forms, but, um,
310
00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:06,420
no-one's gonna tick the
Uh, donors fill out forms, but, um,
311
00:10:06,420 --> 00:10:09,340
no-one's gonna tick the
"I'm a psychopath" box, are they?
312
00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:09,580
no-one's gonna tick the
Oh, Arthur would.
313
00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:10,580
Oh, Arthur would.
314
00:10:10,580 --> 00:10:11,780
ARTHUR AND ROBBIE: Mum!
315
00:10:11,780 --> 00:10:12,020
No! Well, I'm just saying,
ARTHUR AND ROBBIE: Mum!
316
00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:14,380
No! Well, I'm just saying,
you're very honest.
317
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:17,620
If Arthur was a psychopath,
he'd tick that box.
318
00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:17,860
If Arthur was a psychopath,
Oh.
319
00:10:17,860 --> 00:10:18,820
Oh.
320
00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:20,220
Very honest!
321
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,980
There's a big H for you.
322
00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:23,620
(WOMEN LAUGH AWKWARDLY)
323
00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:25,380
Show them your teeth, Arthur.
324
00:10:25,380 --> 00:10:27,700
He's got excellent teeth.
325
00:10:27,700 --> 00:10:28,900
I'm not a horse, Mum.
326
00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:33,180
Well, that's not the impression
you gave when they first arrived.
327
00:10:33,180 --> 00:10:33,420
Well, that's not the impression
"Neigh!"
328
00:10:33,420 --> 00:10:34,700
"Neigh!"
329
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,540
(WOMEN LAUGH)
330
00:10:36,540 --> 00:10:41,740
Imagine a little baby Arthur
running around the house.
331
00:10:41,740 --> 00:10:41,980
Imagine a little baby Arthur
Oh, so cute!
332
00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:44,020
Oh, so cute!
333
00:10:44,020 --> 00:10:45,580
And good news.
334
00:10:45,580 --> 00:10:47,420
He's not shooting blanks.
335
00:10:47,420 --> 00:10:50,700
He had a pregnancy incident
with an ex, which didn't go ahead,
336
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:54,340
but the wrigglers are
definitely viable.
337
00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:57,340
Well...
338
00:10:57,340 --> 00:10:59,460
..uh, we'll leave you
to have a think about it.
339
00:10:59,460 --> 00:11:02,660
The decision goes both ways,
after all.
340
00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:04,500
ROBBIE: There's nothing
for him to think about.
341
00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:04,740
ROBBIE: There's nothing
He's lucky to be chosen.
342
00:11:04,740 --> 00:11:06,140
He's lucky to be chosen.
343
00:11:06,140 --> 00:11:08,180
Uh...OK.
(WOMEN LAUGH)
344
00:11:08,180 --> 00:11:11,100
Thank you so much
for a lovely lunch, Mrs Boye.
345
00:11:12,980 --> 00:11:15,180
And see you later, Maybe Baby Daddy.
346
00:11:15,180 --> 00:11:17,500
(LAUGHS)
347
00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:21,740
Is that true?
348
00:11:21,740 --> 00:11:23,060
(DOOR CLOSES)
349
00:11:23,060 --> 00:11:26,260
It was a long time ago, Mum.
350
00:11:33,180 --> 00:11:34,740
MAGGIE: The funeral
is happening on Saturday
351
00:11:34,740 --> 00:11:34,980
MAGGIE: The funeral
so the whole family can come.
352
00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:36,500
so the whole family can come.
353
00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:37,300
ARTHUR: Ah!
354
00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:39,100
So you're using the death
of Dad's beloved rooster
355
00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:41,660
to emotionally blackmail Liz
into bringing the kids over.
356
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:41,900
to emotionally blackmail Liz
Sneaky.
357
00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:43,100
Sneaky.
358
00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:44,740
Oh!
359
00:11:44,740 --> 00:11:46,940
Look at your father's restaurant.
360
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:52,060
All dusty, cobwebbed
and teeming with roaches.
361
00:11:52,060 --> 00:11:52,300
All dusty, cobwebbed
(SIGHS) Oh, well.
362
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,220
(SIGHS) Oh, well.
363
00:11:54,220 --> 00:11:54,460
I guess that's what happens
(SIGHS) Oh, well.
364
00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:56,940
I guess that's what happens
when you just 'hope'
365
00:11:56,940 --> 00:11:57,180
I guess that's what happens
family will have your back.
366
00:11:57,180 --> 00:11:58,940
family will have your back.
367
00:11:58,940 --> 00:12:02,780
Mum! I thought we were done
with the restaurant guilt.
368
00:12:02,780 --> 00:12:05,020
And to be fair,
looks like the roaches
369
00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:07,940
are doing a roaring trade in there.
370
00:12:07,940 --> 00:12:10,700
Mmm. (LAUGHS)
371
00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:13,100
Mum!
372
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,500
She's gorgeous!
373
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:16,300
Mum!
374
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:17,300
How old is she?
375
00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:18,740
You're a good boy.
Mum!
376
00:12:18,740 --> 00:12:19,980
Oh. Oh.
377
00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:21,940
Bye. Nice to meet you.
378
00:12:21,940 --> 00:12:26,420
I don't have a single guilty bone
in my body, Arthur,
379
00:12:26,420 --> 00:12:29,340
but I'll do whatever it takes
to see my grandchildren.
380
00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:29,580
but I'll do whatever it takes
OK! A Saturday funeral is fine.
381
00:12:29,580 --> 00:12:31,860
OK! A Saturday funeral is fine.
382
00:12:31,860 --> 00:12:35,780
But it has to be finished
before my Tandem Cup final starts.
383
00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:38,420
I got some noobs who are
about to have a funeral of their own.
384
00:12:38,420 --> 00:12:38,660
I got some noobs who are
(LAUGHS) Pyew-pyew!
385
00:12:38,660 --> 00:12:40,060
(LAUGHS) Pyew-pyew!
386
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:41,620
Mum!
387
00:12:41,620 --> 00:12:46,140
Tell me you didn't
donate my console to the Salvos.
388
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,540
I might have.
389
00:12:47,540 --> 00:12:49,020
What?!
390
00:12:49,020 --> 00:12:51,940
OK. Stay here. Don't move.
391
00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:54,220
I'm gonna see
if I can go get it back.
392
00:12:55,180 --> 00:12:56,500
(SIGHS)
393
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,420
(BELL RINGS)
394
00:12:58,420 --> 00:13:01,060
(KIDS LAUGH)
395
00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:13,340
(BELL RINGS)
396
00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:27,260
(SIGHS)
397
00:13:31,580 --> 00:13:33,700
Oh, God.
398
00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:35,140
(GATE RATTLES)
399
00:13:35,140 --> 00:13:37,340
(SIGHS)
400
00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:41,180
(SIGHS)
401
00:13:46,020 --> 00:13:47,660
(GROANS)
402
00:13:53,260 --> 00:13:55,140
(PANTS)
403
00:13:55,140 --> 00:13:57,140
May I help you?
404
00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:59,540
Oh!
405
00:13:59,540 --> 00:14:01,740
This is my school.
406
00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:03,380
And I'm looking for my mum.
407
00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:06,420
You are going
to have to come with me, sir.
408
00:14:06,420 --> 00:14:06,660
You are going
(SIGHS)
409
00:14:06,660 --> 00:14:07,540
(SIGHS)
410
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:13,940
BOY: Red rover, red rover,
I call over...
411
00:14:14,900 --> 00:14:16,220
..Maggie.
412
00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:19,340
Ah!
KIDS: Ah!
413
00:14:19,340 --> 00:14:21,100
I'm gonna get you, Maggie!
414
00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:23,740
(ROARS IN SLOW MOTION)
415
00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:29,620
(WORSTIN SIGHS)
416
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:30,620
ARTHUR: Thank you.
417
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:31,820
MAGGIE: Oh, Arthur!
418
00:14:31,820 --> 00:14:33,100
Thank goodness you're here.
419
00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:36,580
They're saying terrible things
about me.
420
00:14:36,580 --> 00:14:37,740
Honestly...
421
00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:39,380
..I don't blame them.
422
00:14:39,380 --> 00:14:41,620
Arthur Boye.
423
00:14:41,620 --> 00:14:41,860
I had hoped
Arthur Boye.
424
00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:44,940
I had hoped
never to see you in my office again.
425
00:14:44,940 --> 00:14:45,180
I had hoped
Mr Worstin.
426
00:14:45,180 --> 00:14:47,140
Mr Worstin.
427
00:14:47,140 --> 00:14:50,620
Hm. I suppose you're married
with children of your own now.
428
00:14:50,620 --> 00:14:54,580
Oh, no. He's been a terrible
disappointment in that area.
429
00:14:54,580 --> 00:14:54,820
Oh, no. He's been a terrible
(CLEARS THROAT)
430
00:14:54,820 --> 00:14:55,780
(CLEARS THROAT)
431
00:14:55,780 --> 00:14:58,300
Sadly, I don't have time
for a family.
432
00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:01,020
I'm too busy
keeping my mother out of trouble.
433
00:15:01,020 --> 00:15:01,260
I'm too busy
Now, can we go?
434
00:15:01,260 --> 00:15:03,140
Now, can we go?
435
00:15:03,140 --> 00:15:06,340
Uh...as I explained to your mother,
436
00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:09,300
the parents of the child
who injured his hand in the fall
437
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:09,540
the parents of the child
will have to be notified.
438
00:15:09,540 --> 00:15:11,260
will have to be notified.
439
00:15:11,260 --> 00:15:11,500
But, hopefully, there'll be no need
will have to be notified.
440
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:14,940
But, hopefully, there'll be no need
to take it any further.
441
00:15:14,940 --> 00:15:19,500
Well, rest assured I will confiscate
his video game for a whole week.
442
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:19,740
Well, rest assured I will confiscate
I don't have a video game, Mum!
443
00:15:19,740 --> 00:15:21,180
I don't have a video game, Mum!
444
00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:21,420
The store says I have no proof,
I don't have a video game, Mum!
445
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:23,940
The store says I have no proof,
thanks to YOU.
446
00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:24,180
The store says I have no proof,
Oh! No cupcakes, then.
447
00:15:24,180 --> 00:15:27,180
Oh! No cupcakes, then.
448
00:15:27,180 --> 00:15:28,740
Well...
449
00:15:28,740 --> 00:15:31,500
..apologise to Mr Foreskin, Arthur.
450
00:15:34,460 --> 00:15:38,700
I always found it very childish.
451
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:46,740
Alright. I'm willing
to donate the goods, Robbie.
452
00:15:46,740 --> 00:15:47,780
But you have to promise
to bring the kids
453
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:48,020
But you have to promise
to Akroma's funeral on Saturday.
454
00:15:48,020 --> 00:15:49,940
to Akroma's funeral on Saturday.
455
00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:51,740
Because she's officially losing it!
456
00:15:51,740 --> 00:15:53,380
Next there'll be a kidnapping.
457
00:15:55,380 --> 00:15:57,780
Then make sure Liz agrees. OK?
458
00:15:57,780 --> 00:16:01,220
Or there'll be no swimmers in a cup
for your mates.
459
00:16:01,220 --> 00:16:01,460
Or there'll be no swimmers in a cup
That's the deal.
460
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,700
That's the deal.
461
00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:15,380
How do I look, Arthur?
462
00:16:15,380 --> 00:16:17,420
You look like a crow.
463
00:16:17,420 --> 00:16:20,700
Well, says the wannabe drug dealer!
464
00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:22,140
(DOORBELL RINGS)
465
00:16:22,140 --> 00:16:23,980
(GASPS) Good!
466
00:16:23,980 --> 00:16:25,060
They're early!
467
00:16:32,140 --> 00:16:33,340
(SIGHS)
468
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:35,100
(DOOR OPENS)
469
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:36,420
MAGGIE: Arthur!
470
00:16:36,420 --> 00:16:38,220
Jasmin's ovulating!
471
00:16:38,220 --> 00:16:40,100
(DOOR CLOSES)
472
00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:42,060
Sorry?
473
00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:43,180
JASMIN: I...I know this is a rush,
474
00:16:43,180 --> 00:16:44,460
but Robbie said you'd be willing.
475
00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:44,700
Apparently,
but Robbie said you'd be willing.
476
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:46,220
Apparently,
my cycle's all out of whack.
477
00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:46,460
Apparently,
I tested this morning.
478
00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:47,540
I tested this morning.
479
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,020
Today's the day.
480
00:16:49,020 --> 00:16:50,380
Really?
481
00:16:50,380 --> 00:16:52,180
We brought the contract for you
and a specimen jar,
482
00:16:52,180 --> 00:16:52,460
if you want to go to your room
and sign and seal it.
We brought the contract for you
and a specimen jar,
483
00:16:52,460 --> 00:16:54,180
if you want to go to your room
and sign and seal it.
484
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:54,420
if you want to go to your room
and sign and seal it.
Contract?
485
00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:55,700
Contract?
486
00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:58,460
Um...thing is, we have got a funeral.
487
00:16:58,460 --> 00:16:58,700
(SIGHS)
Um...thing is, we have got a funeral.
488
00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,060
(SIGHS)
(GASPS) Oh. I'm sorry.
489
00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:00,300
(SIGHS)
When do you leave?
490
00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:01,180
When do you leave?
491
00:17:01,180 --> 00:17:03,180
Oh, we don't.
492
00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:06,100
We're burying him in the backyard.
493
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:07,660
It's a pet.
494
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,100
Ah.
Oh.
495
00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:09,340
Ah.
Um...never mind.
496
00:17:09,340 --> 00:17:10,180
Um...never mind.
497
00:17:10,180 --> 00:17:12,940
I think I have time before
498
00:17:12,940 --> 00:17:14,780
the others arrive.
499
00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:18,420
OK. I'll be back.
500
00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:20,020
Great!
501
00:17:20,020 --> 00:17:22,980
So, what's in the contract?
502
00:17:22,980 --> 00:17:25,460
Oh, it's just the standard clauses
for this type of thing.
503
00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:28,580
I didn't know this type of thing
WAS standard. (LAUGHS)
504
00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:30,900
So, what's in it?
Oh, you know.
505
00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:33,660
Arthur agrees to give up
all rights to the child, um,
506
00:17:33,660 --> 00:17:35,580
and no access to the child
until the age of 18
507
00:17:35,580 --> 00:17:38,100
unless the child wishes
to meet his or her father.
508
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:39,460
That kind of thing.
509
00:17:39,460 --> 00:17:43,340
We were talking about having
a little Arthur running around,
510
00:17:43,340 --> 00:17:43,580
We were talking about having
that kind of thing.
511
00:17:43,580 --> 00:17:44,580
that kind of thing.
512
00:17:44,580 --> 00:17:47,780
In theory, that could happen.
513
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:51,420
I'll be right back.
514
00:17:51,420 --> 00:17:53,340
(BOTH SPEAK INDISTINCTLY)
515
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,220
(WHISPERS) Arthur!
516
00:17:55,220 --> 00:17:57,460
(LOUDER) Arthur!
517
00:17:57,460 --> 00:17:59,860
Have you read the contract?
518
00:17:59,860 --> 00:18:03,460
ARTHUR: Um...
I kind of have my hands full, Mum.
519
00:18:03,460 --> 00:18:04,420
(SIGHS)
520
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,980
(CLEARS THROAT)
521
00:18:08,980 --> 00:18:09,220
So, do you have any medical issues
(CLEARS THROAT)
522
00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:12,940
So, do you have any medical issues
in your family, Jasmin?
523
00:18:12,940 --> 00:18:15,060
None that I know of.
MAGGIE: Oh!
524
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:15,300
None that I know of.
Isn't that lovely?
525
00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:16,860
Isn't that lovely?
526
00:18:16,860 --> 00:18:19,100
Gosh, we have so many in ours.
527
00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:22,140
You do?
MAGGIE: I'm not exaggerating.
528
00:18:22,140 --> 00:18:22,380
You do?
Heart problems? Oh! Terrible!
529
00:18:22,380 --> 00:18:24,620
Heart problems? Oh! Terrible!
530
00:18:24,620 --> 00:18:26,740
Tinea, to burn.
531
00:18:26,740 --> 00:18:29,220
And then, of course,
there was Uncle Pete.
532
00:18:29,220 --> 00:18:32,020
Well, no-one knew
what was going on with him,
533
00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:34,700
but whatever it was,
it was not pretty.
534
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:37,540
But, oh, you wouldn't
want to stop procreating
535
00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:40,260
based on a doctor's say-so,
would you?
536
00:18:40,260 --> 00:18:40,500
based on a doctor's say-so,
(LAUGHS)
537
00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:41,820
(LAUGHS)
538
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:45,980
Anyway. I guess
I shouldn't be saying all this.
539
00:18:45,980 --> 00:18:47,740
No, please. Uh, go on.
540
00:18:47,740 --> 00:18:49,220
Well...
541
00:18:52,260 --> 00:18:54,140
5,000?
542
00:18:57,460 --> 00:19:00,660
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
543
00:19:04,020 --> 00:19:06,740
Is it true the family has an
allergic reaction to buffalo grass,
544
00:19:06,740 --> 00:19:07,900
causing anaphylaxis?
545
00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:10,380
I don't think so, no.
PRIYA: Mrs Boye told us that.
546
00:19:10,380 --> 00:19:14,620
Did she?
Mum says Grandma is "losing it".
547
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,700
I said she's...getting on.
(LAUGHS) She's getting on.
548
00:19:18,660 --> 00:19:20,180
How's it going in there, stud?
549
00:19:20,180 --> 00:19:22,660
ARTHUR:
You said they were paying 2,500.
550
00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:22,900
ARTHUR:
Contract says 5,000!
551
00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:24,300
Contract says 5,000!
552
00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:24,540
Well, obviously,
Contract says 5,000!
553
00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:26,460
Well, obviously,
there's a matchmaker's fee.
554
00:19:26,460 --> 00:19:26,700
Well, obviously,
Go away or you'll get nothing!
555
00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:27,980
Go away or you'll get nothing!
556
00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:29,620
Everybody, outside.
557
00:19:29,620 --> 00:19:29,860
Uncle Arthur needs privacy.
Everybody, outside.
558
00:19:29,860 --> 00:19:32,900
Uncle Arthur needs privacy.
Let's go. Come on.
559
00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:36,940
LIZ: Lovely big outside voice
that you used there, my darling.
560
00:19:37,900 --> 00:19:41,340
Why don't you girls
wait in the kitchen?
561
00:19:41,340 --> 00:19:45,460
I'd like to introduce you
to someone special.
562
00:19:51,180 --> 00:19:56,020
Jasmin, Priya, meet Akroma,
563
00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:57,260
our family pet.
564
00:19:57,260 --> 00:19:58,860
Oh! It's dead.
565
00:19:58,860 --> 00:20:00,380
MAGGIE: Yes.
566
00:20:00,380 --> 00:20:02,580
We keep him in the freezer,
567
00:20:02,580 --> 00:20:02,820
along with all our other
We keep him in the freezer,
568
00:20:02,820 --> 00:20:05,820
along with all our other
small loved ones,
569
00:20:05,820 --> 00:20:06,060
along with all our other
so they never leave us.
570
00:20:06,060 --> 00:20:08,300
so they never leave us.
571
00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:09,780
JASMIN: Oh!
572
00:20:15,020 --> 00:20:17,500
(PHONE BEEPS)
(RECIPIENT'S PHONE RINGS)
573
00:20:18,980 --> 00:20:20,180
(PHONE RINGS)
574
00:20:20,180 --> 00:20:21,700
(SIGHS)
575
00:20:23,460 --> 00:20:26,020
Arthur? Please be calling to
make a time to collect your things.
576
00:20:26,020 --> 00:20:26,260
Arthur? Please be calling to
I need to pack up the house now.
577
00:20:26,260 --> 00:20:28,940
I need to pack up the house now.
578
00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:32,180
Actually, I was calling
about something else.
579
00:20:32,180 --> 00:20:32,420
Actually, I was calling
Something funny's happened.
580
00:20:32,420 --> 00:20:34,660
Something funny's happened.
581
00:20:37,060 --> 00:20:43,180
I have been asked to donate sperm
to Robbie's friends.
582
00:20:44,140 --> 00:20:49,140
And they are in the kitchen right now
waiting for me.
583
00:20:49,140 --> 00:20:52,220
And the kids are over
and Mum's burying a rooster
584
00:20:52,220 --> 00:20:55,580
and it's all pretty weird.
585
00:20:55,580 --> 00:20:57,820
That...that IS funny.
586
00:21:00,420 --> 00:21:01,420
You're not laughing.
587
00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:04,340
No, I mean it's funny
that you're calling to tell me this.
588
00:21:04,340 --> 00:21:08,260
ARTHUR: I guess
it just made me think about us
589
00:21:08,260 --> 00:21:11,700
and that decision that we made.
590
00:21:13,180 --> 00:21:15,860
And I'm wondering why
591
00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:20,300
we never tried to do it again.
592
00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:21,300
Arthur!
593
00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:21,540
No-one in their right mind
Arthur!
594
00:21:21,540 --> 00:21:22,700
No-one in their right mind
has a baby
595
00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:25,620
with someone they've known
for four weeks!
596
00:21:25,620 --> 00:21:25,860
with someone they've known
And...and as for trying again,
597
00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:27,260
And...and as for trying again,
598
00:21:27,260 --> 00:21:29,500
I t...I told you, kids are just...
599
00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:31,060
..they're not on my radar yet.
600
00:21:31,060 --> 00:21:33,420
(SIGHS)
601
00:21:33,420 --> 00:21:34,220
Yeah.
602
00:21:34,220 --> 00:21:35,220
So it wasn't...
603
00:21:35,220 --> 00:21:37,980
..because you didn't think
I'd be a good dad?
604
00:21:37,980 --> 00:21:41,860
DEE: Oh, Arthur,
you are gonna make the best dad.
605
00:21:41,860 --> 00:21:42,100
DEE: Oh, Arthur,
One day.
606
00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:43,900
One day.
607
00:21:43,900 --> 00:21:44,140
And to be honest,
One day.
608
00:21:44,140 --> 00:21:45,460
And to be honest,
I think you should just wait.
609
00:21:45,460 --> 00:21:48,580
Don't complicate things by having a
random child you'll have to explain
610
00:21:48,580 --> 00:21:48,820
Don't complicate things by having a
to anyone you date in the future.
611
00:21:48,820 --> 00:21:50,820
to anyone you date in the future.
612
00:21:52,180 --> 00:21:53,300
OK?
613
00:21:54,580 --> 00:21:56,260
Um...oh, I've...I've, uh...
614
00:21:56,260 --> 00:21:57,540
..good luck, Arthur.
615
00:21:57,540 --> 00:21:59,940
I've got to go. OK. Bye.
616
00:21:59,940 --> 00:22:01,260
(LAUGHS)
617
00:22:01,260 --> 00:22:03,140
Sorry. Just my brother.
618
00:22:03,140 --> 00:22:05,620
(SIGHS) Just, like, yeah. (LAUGHS)
619
00:22:05,620 --> 00:22:07,380
(GLASSES CLINK)
Cheers. (LAUGHS)
620
00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:15,060
ARTHUR:
I'm really honoured to be asked,
621
00:22:15,060 --> 00:22:15,300
ARTHUR:
and I cannot wait to be a dad.
622
00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:17,820
and I cannot wait to be a dad.
623
00:22:17,820 --> 00:22:19,900
But...
624
00:22:19,900 --> 00:22:21,580
..I don't want it to be like this.
625
00:22:21,580 --> 00:22:22,820
(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF)
I'm sorry.
626
00:22:22,820 --> 00:22:23,060
(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF)
That is so OK.
627
00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:24,820
That is so OK.
628
00:22:24,820 --> 00:22:27,220
Oh. Did you...
629
00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:28,420
Uh...
630
00:22:28,420 --> 00:22:29,620
..you keep that.
631
00:22:32,420 --> 00:22:34,140
(DOOR CLOSES)
632
00:22:37,940 --> 00:22:39,780
My game box!
633
00:22:40,740 --> 00:22:42,940
We're waiting for you, Arthur.
634
00:22:43,860 --> 00:22:45,580
You didn't donate the toys after all?
635
00:22:45,580 --> 00:22:49,180
Of course I didn't, silly.
I put them in the hall cupboard.
636
00:22:49,180 --> 00:22:49,420
Of course I didn't, silly.
I told you.
637
00:22:49,420 --> 00:22:50,540
I told you.
638
00:22:50,540 --> 00:22:52,140
What about you?
639
00:22:52,140 --> 00:22:55,060
Did you...donate?
640
00:22:55,060 --> 00:22:56,660
Not this time.
641
00:22:56,660 --> 00:22:58,420
Ah! Good!
642
00:22:58,420 --> 00:23:03,580
How dare those women try and steal
the sacred Boye family sperm
643
00:23:03,580 --> 00:23:03,820
How dare those women try and steal
and not give us children in return?!
644
00:23:03,820 --> 00:23:06,340
and not give us children in return?!
645
00:23:06,340 --> 00:23:08,020
That's a hit-and-run.
646
00:23:10,180 --> 00:23:11,900
(SIGHS)
647
00:23:11,900 --> 00:23:14,300
I'm sorry if I disappointed you, Mum.
648
00:23:14,300 --> 00:23:15,300
Oh!
649
00:23:15,300 --> 00:23:15,540
You would never disappoint me,
Oh!
650
00:23:15,540 --> 00:23:18,620
You would never disappoint me,
Arthur.
651
00:23:18,620 --> 00:23:22,420
I don't know
where you get these ideas from.
652
00:23:22,420 --> 00:23:25,100
Mmm!
(LAUGHS)
653
00:23:25,100 --> 00:23:25,340
Come on.
Mmm!
(LAUGHS)
654
00:23:25,340 --> 00:23:26,300
Come on.
655
00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:26,540
Come on.
Let's say goodbye to a rooster.
Yeah.
656
00:23:26,540 --> 00:23:30,260
Let's say goodbye to a rooster.
Yeah.
657
00:23:30,260 --> 00:23:30,500
Let's say goodbye to a rooster.
We are gathered together today
658
00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:34,020
We are gathered together today
659
00:23:34,020 --> 00:23:36,660
to say farewell to a fine old cock.
660
00:23:36,660 --> 00:23:37,660
(SNIGGERING)
661
00:23:37,660 --> 00:23:41,020
MAGGIE: Our feathered friend,
fierce protector
662
00:23:41,020 --> 00:23:45,580
and our irritating alarm clock,
Akroma.
663
00:23:45,580 --> 00:23:47,420
He was colourful.
664
00:23:47,420 --> 00:23:47,660
He was proud to be
He was colourful.
665
00:23:47,660 --> 00:23:50,460
He was proud to be
part of our family.
666
00:23:50,460 --> 00:23:50,700
He was proud to be
And his love of food was everything.
667
00:23:50,700 --> 00:23:53,980
And his love of food was everything.
668
00:23:53,980 --> 00:23:57,300
But without his brood around him,
669
00:23:57,300 --> 00:23:59,500
Akroma was lost.
670
00:24:00,820 --> 00:24:02,420
He was lonely.
671
00:24:03,380 --> 00:24:05,980
His days were long.
672
00:24:05,980 --> 00:24:09,340
And his heart was broken.
673
00:24:09,340 --> 00:24:11,860
He wasn't perfect.
674
00:24:11,860 --> 00:24:14,260
Oh, far from it.
675
00:24:14,260 --> 00:24:18,780
But all he craved
was to be surrounded by life.
676
00:24:18,780 --> 00:24:22,100
He didn't deserve
to be abandoned and banished
677
00:24:22,100 --> 00:24:25,180
from the company
of the people he loves.
678
00:24:25,180 --> 00:24:27,220
Thy will be done.
679
00:24:28,540 --> 00:24:30,980
Rest in peace, Akroma.
680
00:24:30,980 --> 00:24:32,100
Amen.
681
00:24:32,100 --> 00:24:33,900
OTHERS: Amen.
682
00:24:33,900 --> 00:24:36,300
Powerful words, Maggie.
683
00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:38,460
And your point is taken.
684
00:24:38,460 --> 00:24:39,980
Thank you, Liz.
685
00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:42,980
What was my point?
686
00:24:44,780 --> 00:24:47,140
Point is, you're a good egg, Mum.
687
00:24:47,140 --> 00:24:48,700
(LAUGHS)
688
00:24:48,700 --> 00:24:49,980
Alright.
Oh.
689
00:24:49,980 --> 00:24:52,620
Now, who wants to play
the Mr Oponko game?
690
00:24:52,620 --> 00:24:55,460
(NEIGHS)
(LAUGHS)
691
00:24:55,460 --> 00:24:55,700
(NEIGHS)
Nah, that's lame.
692
00:24:55,700 --> 00:24:56,700
Nah, that's lame.
693
00:24:57,900 --> 00:24:58,900
Alright.
694
00:24:58,900 --> 00:24:59,140
Well, who wants to go watch me
Alright.
695
00:24:59,140 --> 00:25:00,500
Well, who wants to go watch me
destroy some noobs
696
00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:00,740
Well, who wants to go watch me
in the Tandem Cup final tonight?
697
00:25:00,740 --> 00:25:02,060
in the Tandem Cup final tonight?
698
00:25:02,060 --> 00:25:03,260
That's...
699
00:25:03,260 --> 00:25:04,620
..if...
700
00:25:04,620 --> 00:25:06,100
..you're allowed to stay over.
701
00:25:06,100 --> 00:25:08,980
KIDS: Please!
(LAUGHS)
702
00:25:08,980 --> 00:25:11,540
Yes. Of course. Of course.
I would love that.
703
00:25:11,540 --> 00:25:11,780
Yes. Of course. Of course.
ARTHUR: Yes!
704
00:25:11,780 --> 00:25:13,020
ARTHUR: Yes!
705
00:25:13,020 --> 00:25:14,140
(ALL LAUGH)
706
00:25:14,140 --> 00:25:15,420
Oh, come on, inside.
Come on!
707
00:25:15,420 --> 00:25:17,740
Let's go inside.
(LAUGHS) Yeah!
708
00:25:17,740 --> 00:25:18,940
Right this way. Come on.
709
00:25:25,300 --> 00:25:26,740
Let's go, Mum.
710
00:25:28,660 --> 00:25:29,980
Alright, I'm right behind you.
711
00:25:29,980 --> 00:25:32,940
Hugging you
like a long-lost relative.
712
00:25:32,940 --> 00:25:36,500
You go forward. Yeah. I got you
covered. We got this. We got this!
713
00:25:36,500 --> 00:25:36,740
You go forward. Yeah. I got you
We got it!
714
00:25:36,740 --> 00:25:37,780
We got it!
715
00:25:37,780 --> 00:25:39,260
Oh!
716
00:25:40,620 --> 00:25:42,060
Mmm!
717
00:25:42,060 --> 00:25:42,300
(SIGHS) Nah, that's cool.
Mmm!
718
00:25:42,300 --> 00:25:44,780
(SIGHS) Nah, that's cool.
That's cool, man.
719
00:25:44,780 --> 00:25:47,780
We shall bring home the bacon
next time.
720
00:25:50,940 --> 00:25:53,340
Oh, man. You should have said that
at the start.
721
00:25:53,340 --> 00:25:55,300
It must have been hell hard
to bunny-hop with a busted hand.
722
00:25:55,300 --> 00:25:55,540
It must have been hell hard
How'd that happen?
723
00:25:55,540 --> 00:25:56,860
How'd that happen?
724
00:26:00,380 --> 00:26:03,500
An old lady tackled you
on the school oval?
725
00:26:05,300 --> 00:26:08,300
What a silly old chook.
726
00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:11,500
(CLUCKS)
727
00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:24,180
See, back in our day, Tao,
728
00:26:24,180 --> 00:26:26,380
we didn't...we didn't dob!
729
00:26:26,380 --> 00:26:27,820
Dibby-dob-dob.
730
00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:29,700
We didn't dibby-dob-dob
731
00:26:29,700 --> 00:26:32,740
on our friends, Tao, so...
732
00:26:32,740 --> 00:26:34,140
..take what you get.
733
00:26:34,140 --> 00:26:35,860
Oh! Gotcha!
734
00:26:35,860 --> 00:26:37,220
(LAUGHS)
735
00:26:37,220 --> 00:26:39,140
Did I get you? I don't even know.
736
00:26:39,140 --> 00:26:40,380
This is fun.
737
00:26:40,380 --> 00:26:41,820
And what if I press this, Tao?
738
00:26:41,820 --> 00:26:43,580
Guide me home, Tao.
739
00:26:43,580 --> 00:26:45,660
Guide me home.
740
00:26:45,660 --> 00:26:45,860
Guide me home.
Captions by Red Bee Media
741
00:26:45,860 --> 00:26:47,460
Captions by Red Bee Media
742
00:26:47,460 --> 00:26:49,420
Copyright
Australian Broadcasting Corporation
49544
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